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The elf was breathing softly, making Tav smile. He carefully sat up. He knew it was a bad idea to fall asleep next to Kantei. It would not be the first time, it would not even be the tenth time. But it was still a bad idea. He didn’t want her to fall for him, because in the end she deserved better. Yet, as he tried to skuttle out of the bed, she grabbed his wrist. Dark eyes looked at him.
“Stay,” she whispered. “Please.”
He sighed. For more than two years they had travelled together. He knew her by now. Knew how silly she could be – but how stubborn, too. She was adorable in her own way, just as she could be oh-so frustrating.
He did like her, though he wasn’t sure whether it was love. After all he still knew so little about love. He had thought he loved Ebereth, but maybe he had just been kidding himself. Well, even if not, it had not worked out. Love was complicated, other than this. Sex was easy.
Even now he tried to get up, but Kantei’s grip around his wrist was like iron.
“Tav. Please.”
What could he do? He sighed, lying down next to her. Happy with this, she skuttled up to him. She drew in his smell, as if he was smelling special somehow. Her hands on his skin felt nice, though. He always liked to be touched like that. Gently.
“I don’t get you,” she whispered against his chest. “When we were on the road, you would always cuddle with me. But now you trying to flee, eh?”
“I am not fleeing,” he said, as if “fleeing” as not exactly what he was doing. “I just thought you wanted to sleep alone. Now that you have a place, I mean.”
She grumbled something. He really couldn’t make out those words. Her breath was tickling him just a bit.
What could he do but submit to his fate? He ran his fingers over her back that felt kinda familiar by now. Well, not only her back. Everything about her was familiar. Her warmth, her breath, the scent of her hair. He had had so much time to get used to it all. It was almost hard to imagine a world in which this wasn’t here.
But it was probably just a trick of his mind. He knew of it. When you were with someone in dangerous situations, your mind would be more willing to associate them positively. And the two of them had been in so many dangerous situations together. Which once more brought him back to the thought from before. She deserved more. She deserved to fall in love with someone who was more sophisticated, who was more honorable and more… If he thought about it, he probably would find a few more things that she deserved.
He wasn’t perfect. He knew he wasn’t. He was rather dumb, and more than that, he was uneducated. There was nothing he could do about it. He was broken, too. Because it turned out that losing one’s childhood to slavery would break you.
He never told her, of course. Because she would argue that she was broken as well. But she wasn’t. Sure, her mother had been horrible, and her fiancé was better off dead. Yet, there was still a live for her that was not defined by all that.
He himself? He would never forget those eight years. Because a part of him had died there in that place. Had died slowly. The child, that had once been taken by those goblins was long dead. And he wasn’t even sure what remained.
“Gods, you really are an idiot,” she muttered, as if she was reading his thoughts and answering to them. “You know I sleep better like this.”
“And there I thoughts elves didn’t need to sleep,” he said softly.
“You know what I mean.”
He sighed. “I guess.” Sure, he slept better when he wasn’t alone. He generally liked this best. To fall asleep next to someone – preferably after a nice evening of fucking. He loved the exhaustion sex would bring, as well as the sensation of another body (or several other bodies) close to his own. With her it was even more special. Because, again, he knew her.
“So, there is no chance that I get to go home tonight?” he asked, making it sound like a joke.
He could feel her smile against his chest. “No way. You are way too nice and comfy.”
“What am I supposed to say to that?”
“You are going to say: ‘That is a good point, Kantei, my dear. I will hold you in my arms for the entire night, because I am honest and will admit that I sleep so much better when I am next to you.’”
He chuckled just a bit. “That is surprisingly specific.”
Now she sighed and pushed herself up to actually look him in the eyes. “Look, Tav. I know you. And more than anything I know that you like it complicated. But right now… I am not in the mood for complicated.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It is supposed to mean, that I just want to fuck you and cuddle afterwards. That I like to hear your heartbeat as I fall asleep. And that I am cold in my bed alone, because if you have not noticed, winter is coming.”
He looked at her. The way her eyes were sparkling with a stubborn defiance made him smile. He caressed her cheek. “Fine. I will be your oven for tonight.”
“Good.” She laid down again, kissing his cheek. “You really make things more complicated than they need to be.”
Even though he did not feel like it, he chuckled. “Alright. Then…” He rolled onto his back, beckoning her to cuddle up to him. “I guess for tonight we can make it simple.”
Again she was smiling. “See? You’re a good man.”