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He wanted to be happy that Elio was making friends. He wanted to be happy that Elio was laughing and smiling. But it was hard for him to ignore that massive pit of jealousy in his stomach. He wanted to be included in what Elio was doing but he didn’t want to intrude in a conversation he didn’t belong in. At times, some of his friends would get too close to Elio for his own liking and he couldn’t ignore how sad it made him feel. He wanted it to be himself that Elio was smiling and laughing with. He wanted Elio to use him as a support when he was laughing too hard. He wanted Elio. It was a horrible conclusion he came to. But it was the only realistic one. He liked Elio. He wanted Elio to like him back. He was jealous that other people were getting his attention, when he wanted it. But no matter how much he liked Elio, they were just friends. Just roommates that were going to move out of each other's life when they finally found a purpose in their own lives. He hated these selfish feelings. It made him feel so horrible. He didn’t deserve anything that he wanted. He was a horrible person. Horrible. Horrible. Horrible. He wanted to go to his own room and drown in his own misery. Drown in his feelings and selfishness. He didn’t deserve to be in Elios life. He didn’t deserve Elio at all. If he could he would run away from it all. Run far away from Elio so he could get the life that he deserved. Far away from sad, annoying, jealous and selfish people like Caelum.
He got up from his chair. “Where are you going?” Elio asked and all the attention was on Caelum.
“I’m just tired, I’m going to my room.” He said with a smile and before he could hear anyone reply to him he had closed the door.