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Jane did not want Henry, even though as he told her most would kill for an opportunity to be so- What was the word he used? Favored. Favored, in court.
Well, she didn't want his favor either.
But she needed it. So when she heard his footsteps in the hall and saw his candlelight under the door she opened it, hiding her hands behind her back so he wouldn't see them shake. She could never think about anything but him, sometimes.
Some days you're the only thing I know
She watched him as he lit the fire in her chambers as he complained of the cold, tenderly glancing back at her when she met his gaze steadily.
The hands behind her back still shook.
Only thing that's burning when the nights grow cold
She didn't turn away when he approached.
Jane was good like that.
Better than her cousin, he told her. She knew he just meant she argued less. Jane knew she should be complimented, but she wasn't.
Can't look away, can't look away
Beg you to stay, beg you to stay, yeah
If nothing else, she was an actress. The smiling, the kisses- Jane could convince Henry she loved him the way he claimed he loved her. When he would go, she would plead for him to remain with her. Even then, there was a small part of her that did want to give into it. All of it. It was flattering, if nothing else. Plain Jane catching the eye of King Henry himself. The idea was as laughable as it was magical, but it didn't make it any better. Jane had little, but she had her morals, so the only time she entertained the idea of losing herself to him was when he would go to leave and she'd ask for him to remain. "Five more minutes." She would hiss and he would turn, smirking, and she'd drag him away whispering "Five more minutes can be spared, for me, for you.".
She always could convince anyone of anything. She knew that he loved her, really, truly did. Well, as much as a man without a heart or soul could love anyone.
That wasn't to say he could not be cruel.
Sometimes you're a stranger in my bed
The sneers were as frequent as the smiles were, and in the court he treated her with such contempt as to send her running back, brushing tears from her cheeks. And later, when he would arrive, he wouldn't apologize, not really. She wouldn't react except to remind herself he was Henry. Her Henry, as she hesitantly called him. Not a stranger.
Him.
And he would say he loved her, she allowed the words to wash over her and clean any hurt from her from earlier. But Jane did wonder, did his love mean he would protect her? Or if the time came, would he abandon her for dead?
Don't know if you love me, or you want me dead
Push me away, push me away
Then beg me to stay, beg me to stay, yeah
Soon it was him pleading with her- He had two sides, one was vicious and the other gentle.
Sure, Henry could be kind and charming, but Jane never knew what he was capable of. One second he would be leaving her thornless roses and kissing her hand but-
At a moments notice he would change, quick as the flip of a coin. And Jane would detach herself from, well, everything.
This is love, she said to herself. This is how it works.
It was earnt in the hollow ache as she lay awake when he was gone. Unsure if she missed him or feared him. This was love. That made it easier to bear somehow.
Call me in the morning to apologize
He was inescapable. Always there; Always watching.
Every little lie gives me butterflies
She couldn't help but feel some mix of guilt and fear that was too close to excitement when Anne looked her way. The fact that she alone ruled him- When Anne used to feel this way. Anne may have been queen of England.
Jane was happy being his queen.
She had to wonder if Anne was this way too. If so, it made sense why Anne had her affair. Catalina never stood a chance.
No one could claim to love Henry, really.
But we all love secrets.
Something in the way you're looking through my eyes
Don't know if I'm gonna make it out alive
He was harsher than he had to be at times. Rude. Kind. Furious. Sweet.
Maybe Jane hated it, maybe she didn't.
She figured part of her wanted to not think about it.
Fight so dirty but you love so sweet
She was lucky. Grateful, even.
But beyond her gratitude to him, Jane was grateful for long sleeves to hide her bruises and high collars to hide his marks.
Talk so pretty but your heart got teeth
Oh, he spoke well. She had to give him that. She had heard tell of his beautiful letters addressed to Anne. His adoration practically spilling onto a page. But Jane…
Words werent her strong suit. Action was best. So he showed her his so called favour.
Late night devil put your hands on me
His candle would be seen under her door. As soon as his light cut the dark opened she was there, door ajar. Fire soon lit.
She did not love him. He wasnt a good man. Even Jane knew that.
But as long as her family forced her to keep this act up with Henry, she supposed she can at least try and enjoy it.
But her father wouldnt be satisfied until the crown was on her head; Henrys ring upon her finger and the power in her families hands.
And never, ever, ever, ever let go
Some days you're the best thing in my life
He became the defining feature in her life very quickly. Henry was her days and her nights.
Anne was sulking and moody in her corner, pregnant with what they all hoped was an heir to the throne.
He was already hinting enough at a marriage.
Sometimes when I look at you I see my wife
Then you turn into somebody I dont know
And you push me away, push me away yeah
He showed up again one night with several complaints about her to make.
Jane took his insults wordlessly then spoke in a voice she was proud didnt shake:
"You want me then have me.". If not get out.
The last bit she left unsaid.
Didntf matter. He wanted her.
So he had her.
Blood on my shirt, rose in my hand
Elizabeth was born and Jane watched as Anne screamed a new liffe into the world.
Everyone was either too busy to notice their hands interlocking or they didnt care.
Probably both.
The baby was wrapped in shawls now bloodied, stitched with silk flowers Jane had sewn herself, and she felt the room sway heavily as she realized it was a girl. A girl.
Again.
Jane knew right there the marriage between Henry and Anne was done.
The old Queen is as good as dead.
Long live the Queen.
Jane thought a lot as the wedding rings were slipped on their fingers and the priest recited his words. It dawned on her Hennry was looking at her with so much love, not for Jane but for who he thought she was. She was marrying a man who knew her as a ghost of a woman- And if he loved her for that thhen what the hell did that say about him?
Too late. "I do.".
You're looking at me like you dont know who I am
She felt nothing when he kissed her.
She felt nothing when he screamed.
Somehow Jane floated above it all because she was the ghost woman and he loved her, she was his queen llong before the crown weighed her down.
"Yes Henry. Sorry Henry.".
She was nothing, which was an oddly comforting thoight because you cant possibly be angry at nothing.
Jane felt something when she discovered she was pregnant.
She felt something as she gave birth (pain and hysteria).
He was a boy.
Her Edward. Her princeling. God, she had done it.
Worth it… when…
She
Drifted
Away.
Blood on my shirt, heart in my hand
Still beating.
"We're so much more than-"
"DIVORCED!".
"BEHEADED!"
"DIED!".
(Never ever ever ever let go)
"DIVORCED!"
"BEHEADED!"
"SURVIVED, WE ARE-"
"SIX!".
The show ended with a roar. Jane breathed deeply as the curtains closed on them.. Anne and Lina went off laughing together, while the rest diisappeared.
Alone. Alone and left on stage where all the fallen confetti shone in the blearly backstage lights.
But Jane thought about the show. Being on stage. The crowd. Her family.
Singing.
Finally, she was done feeling nothing. The shows left her alive from her head to her shoes.
She wouldnt have it any other way.