Archive of Our Own ^beta

The first Christmas 

Out of the many things Im Nayeon loves, Christmas holds a special place in her heart. She wasn’t sure what made the holiday so magical in her eyes. Maybe it was the hues of red, green, and gold adorning the streets of her hometown; she liked how the colors matched perfectly together. Perhaps it was the twinkling lights—she liked them so much that they had permanently become part of her room decoration. 

She knows it has something to do with the traditions she and her friends, Jihyo and Jeongyeon, came up with together—sipping on hot chocolate with extra cinnamon and marshmallows, watching Elf, running the annual contest of who makes the worst gingerbread cookie. 

However, the one thing Nayeon finds less… appealing about Christmas is having to endure three hours of the least interesting party ever—the annual Christmas Eve gala hosted by her dad’s boss. 

As a kid, Nayeon actually enjoyed going around the enormous ballroom and singing along to holiday classics. But as a sixteen-year-old who would rather be at home doing literally anything else, hiding her boredom was a bit of a difficult task.

And Nayeon isn’t one to hide her distaste. So she idly traces patterns on her plate with a fork. She checks, once again, if her friends have replied to her live narration of the party. Unsurprisingly, they haven’t. Nayeon scoffs—their loss for ignoring her awesome joke (read: a picture of a weird reindeer figure with the caption “What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? rude-olph!!!). 

Nayeon sighs and slouches in her chair, scanning the room with a sense of disinterest. She sees old people laughing and clinking glasses, she sees way too many suits and a crazy amount of women in nearly identical emerald green dresses. 

Then, right beside the fireplace and the ugly nutcracker banner, someone catches Nayeon’s eyes. A girl, possibly her age, leaning on the wall and too engrossed with her game boy in hand. The girl’s fingers danced over the controller with such determination that it made Nayeon chuckle a little. 

It was funny—how a girl who looks like a real-life princess, with her hair half-up and a red dress that seems tailored to her, looks just as disinterested as she is to be there. Nayeon’s curiosity peaked. And with a decisive exhale, Nayeon gets up from her seat and makes her way to the girl.

“You know, no one should be sulking in a corner with only a game for company. It’s Christmas.” Nayeon begins, a playful smirk turning into astonishment as the girl tears her attention away from the screen and meets her eyes. 

(Nayeon is sure that if Greek deities were a thing as she studied in history, that girl could easily be the daughter of Aphrodite or something.)

The girl’s lips curl into a half-smile. “Pretty sure no one should be walking up to strangers either. It’s Christmas.”

Nayeon grins. “Who says you’re a stranger? I know you like video games. I bet one of your folks works at YP Tech, or you wouldn’t be here. Uh, let’s see what else… Oh, I know you’re probably freezing, ‘cause why on earth would you be standing next to that fireplace for the past, what… 20 minutes? an hour? when we have perfectly good seats available.”

The girl laughs, and Nayeon freezes for a few seconds. She’s pretty and has a beautiful laugh? Come on.

“Right, you've got me all figured out, detective.”

“Detective’s name is Nayeon, by the way.” She introduces herself, giving a casual wave.

“Mina,” the girl replies, extending her hand for a shake. Nayeon hesitates, momentarily forgetting how human interactions work until she matches the greeting. 

Quickly pulling her hand away right after, Nayeon continues, “So, uh, what’s up with that game you’re playing?"

“Tetris.” Mina shows the game boy screen, “Wanna try?”

Nayeon raises an eyebrow, and one could say a glint of mischief is clear in her eyes. “How about a challenge? When I crush you at this game, you join me for a dance.”

“If you win, you mean,” Mina's eyes sparkle with interest. “And if I win?"

Nayeon leans in, using her best conspiratorial tone, “Then I owe you a dance."

The challenge’s set and the girls find an empty table to start their friendly competition—Mina quickly finds out that Nayeon might as well have invented the word “competitive”. When Nayeon loses, she pouts and stomps her feet (Mina says she looks like a baby). When Mina wins, she gives her best gummy smile (Nayeon doesn’t say it, obviously, but she thinks Mina probably has the most beautiful smile she has ever seen). They laugh so hard together that other partygoers could even say they had been friends for ages. 

Then Nayeon loses, for the third time, and Mina lets out a tiny “Yay, I win!”. 

“I have every reason to believe you rigged the game, but fine. Congrats.” Nayeon shakes her head, feigning indignation. 

“Come on, baby Nayeon. Now you get to watch my awesome dance moves.” 

“So I win anyway,” Nayeon blurts out and fails to see the subtle blush on Mina’s cheeks. She stands up, holding out her hand to the girl in front of her. “May I have this dance?”

Mina places her hand in Nayeon’s, and they head to the dance floor. Though the song selection isn’t exactly ideal for a slow dance, Nayeon makes sure to showcase her incredible choreography to “Santa Claus Is Coming To Town”. (If Jeongyeon were there, she would probably say, “Really, Nayeon? That’s what you do in front of a pretty girl? God, you suck.”)

Mina covers her mouth, unable to contain her laughter at Nayeon's silly moves, and Nayeon, in return, smiles wide. She barely knows Mina, yet she feels a sense of comfort that she guesses isn’t exactly normal to feel around somebody you’ve just met. Surely, a person who turns a boring party into a bearable one must be special. 

“Sooo, did I or did I not impress you with my dancing skills?” Nayeon twirls Mina playfully.

Mina, still giggling, meets Nayeon's eyes. “Oh, for sure, I’m charmed."

“Maybe next Christmas you can show me your dance moves."

“Beat me at Tetris, and maybe I will, baby Nayeon."

The second Christmas 

Some people enjoy collecting mugs. Others, rocks. Some even find joy in collecting Pokemon cards. As for Nayeon, she enjoys collecting holiday traditions. Through her friends, family, or her own. So, come December 24th, she strolls around with a clipboard in hand and a (lengthy) checklist. 

Put up Christmas decorations with her mom. Check. Update her Christmas playlist. Check. Buy the secret friend gift. Check. Organize everything for the 3mix (as in Nayeon, Jihyo, and Jeongyeon) party— half check? She still needed to get the marshmallows. There’s no hot chocolate without marshmallows. Take Mina to watch The Nutcracker ballet. Double check. (Nayeon thought it was cool and beautiful.—the presentation, obviously, not the way Mina jumped in excitement throughout the whole thing). And finally, write the good list—

“There you are,” Nayeon jumps at the sound of Mina’s voice filling her bedroom. “Just finished my good list, ready to share?”

“Wha— Mina, come on, that was too fast.” 

The good list. The newest addition to Nayeon’s holiday traditions. Mina brought it up a few weeks ago and Nayeon absolutely loved the idea. 

“You’re not supposed to think about it, Nayeon. Just write three good things that have happened in your life since last Christmas.” Mina sits next to Nayeon in bed and hands her a post-it note. 

Nayeon thinks about her year for a minute, about all the good things that happened. The time when she laughed so hard, soda came out of her nose. When her group of three friends became six. She thinks about her birthday and the warm feeling in her chest when she reads a special letter addressed to her. She thinks about all the new places she visited and all the new foods she tried. And for every single one of those, there’s a constant. 

Mina.  

Ever since they met at her dad’s Christmas Eve Gala last year, they'd been attached at the hip, as Mina’s mom would put it. Everybody found it amusing how it took one boring party for them to connect, considering they had been studying at the same school for the past two years.

(When they’re lying side by side on Nayeon’s bedroom rug, talking about everything and nothing at the same time, Nayeon pouts and complains about the “precious time” they lost not being best friends before. To which Mina simply smiles and says, “Well, we can’t rush perfection, baby Nayeon. We met at the right time.” )

“Easy peasy.” Mina watches as Nayeon quickly writes on the pink paper. When she finishes, she looks up at Mina, a toothy smile splashing on her face. “Wanna read it?” Mina nods and takes the post-it from Nayeon’s hand.

“The Good List”

Mina 

Minari

My best friend (Mina!)

Mina chuckles and reaches for her jacket’s pocket, handing Nayeon another post-it. Nayeon reads it.

Mina’s Good List

Nayeon 

Baby Nayeon

Meeting Jeongie and Jihyo.

Nayeon feels her entire heat up, and that's still okay compared to the burning between her rib cages. A normal reaction from a person who likes her best friend in a friendly way.

(“Geez, Nayeon, this is so embarrassing for you. Just tell Mina you like her already.” Jeongyeon had told her a million times over the past year, mostly after she witnessed Nayeon saying whatever silliness came to her mind just to make Mina laugh.)

She looks up to find Mina flashing her a warm smile. Nayeon pursues her lips and tucks all… that… in the back of her mind.

“Woah, can’t believe I lost a place on your list to Jeongyeon and Jihyo. Those buffoons .” Nayeon places a hand on her mouth, shaking her head slowly as she feigns sadness. 

“Did you not read the other two, dummy?” Mina nudges Nayeon. “That good list could have ten things, and all of them would be related to you.”

“Aw, Minari, stop flirting with me.” Nayeon quips. Then notices the pinkish tone taking over Mina’s cheeks. Nayeon laughs and presses a bunch of quick kisses on Mina’s cheeks.

“You wish.” Mina rolls her eyes. 

And truthfully, Nayeon would wish for her every single Christmas.

The third Christmas 

Nayeon looks over at the clock on the wall, her nerves making it impossible for her to sit still. Unconsciously, she bounces one leg up and down until she feels her mom’s hand on her knee. 

“Bouncing your leg won’t make Mina get here faster, Nayeon.” 

“Uh, I’m not... This is not because of Mina, I’m just thinking.” Nayeon crosses her arms over her chest. 

“Oh, honey, I’m glad I raised you so well you are incapable of lying.” Her mom says, one corner of her mouth pulling up. “Just relax, dear. She’ll be here soon.” 

“Easier said than done.” Nayeon mutters. Her mom squeezes her knee again before turning her attention back to the TV.

The thing is… it's bad for Nayeon. She honestly can’t remember what it is like to not think about Mina. She can’t remember what her days look like without Mina. Nayeon’s routine is just Mina. Mina. Mina.

She wakes up and checks her phone because Mina wakes up earlier than her, so there’s always a notification waiting. She has breakfast, pours cereal in her bowl, and takes a picture of a weird-looking grain because Mina will definitely laugh at it. And when Mina texts her a random selfie during the day, pouting, because she lost yet another game, Nayeon feels a burst of warmth beneath her ribs and replies with at least ten different texts saying how cute Mina looks. 

All Nayeon can think about is Mina. And it scares her, a lot , not because she feared rejection—she kind of felt like, maybe , Mina did feel the same. (Jihyo would think so too and tell her “Please, how many of us laugh at your stupid puns, with heart eyes even, as they do so? One. Myoui Mina.” )

But it scares her because Mina and Nayeon are best friends and that’s it. And as Mina’s best friend, Nayeon really needed this Christmas to be perfect. With graduation approaching, it would likely be the last Christmas they’d get to spend freely with their friends and together. She tried not to think about it too much and trust the process, the journey, whatever.

But when Mina told her she had gotten into two different ballet training programs outside Korea, Nayeon spiraled. 

(“Who’s gonna wrap my gifts now? Mina, you know I can’t do it like you do, I mean, the tape just—” Nayeon sighed, her monologue of ‘reasons why I can’t live without Mina’ being a bit too long.

“It’s not like my wrapping is special, Nayeonie. I’m sure Jihyo can help you with that.” Mina cupped her cheeks. “And, hey, let’s just take a deep breath here, alright? No graduation talk. Just be merry and happy.”

“Merry and happy.” Nayeon nodded, giving Mina a quick kiss on her forehead.)

***

When everyone arrives at Nayeon’s house, and their endless banter and laughter begin, Nayeon declares that this is the best Christmas she’s ever had. They eat, they play games, they sing karaoke and when everyone’s too stuffed to even think about eating another bite, and their energy is wearing off, they sit in Nayeon's living room to begin the secret friend gift exchange. 

Nayeon has Sana, but she can’t help herself from getting another gift for Mina (she decides to call it the “emotional value gift” , which is totally different from an “ordinary Christmas gift” ). 

“Okay, did everyone get their gifts? We got two extras here.” Jeongyeon says, puzzled, looking at a little wrapped box and a bag sitting under the tree. When both Mina and Nayeon shout , “That’s mine!" she chuckles. “Of course it’s you two.”

“Uh, girls, do you hear? I think Nayeon’s mom is calling us.” Sana chimes in, heading for the kitchen. Nayeon grins when she hears Momo whispering, “Wait, I didn’t hear anything." and gets a heavy sigh in response from Jihyo.

And so they’re left alone. Nayeon moves closer to the tree to get the brown bag, adorned with a red bow and some random Christmas doodles. “This is for you, princess.” She hands it to Mina.

Mina reaches for the bag, taking a quick look at Nayeon before carefully opening it and removing the few sheets of tissue paper. She pulls out a box with a round Christmas ornament in it. 

“Nayeon, oh my God ,” Mina holds the ornament up in front of her face; her gummy smile so big that Nayeon could’ve melted right there just by the sight of it. “How—where did you find this?!”

The silver ornament had a few things painted on it—a tiny Christmas tree, a nutcracker (Mina remembered how she caught Nayeon looking at her with soft eyes while she was excitedly talking about how perfectly the ballet steps were executed), a piece of Tetris and, finally, a bunny and a penguin leaning against each other and holding a little heart. 

A bunny because Mina once told Nayeon she kind of resembles one—Nayeon didn’t know exactly if that was a good thing, so she frowned, and Mina said “No, no, it’s a good thing. I like bunnies. They’re cute and bring luck, you know, just like you” . So Nayeon just had to come up with an animal for Mina—a penguin, because she walked just like one.

“You remember I went to this crafty fair with my mom, right? I saw this woman customizing the ornaments and thought you’d like it.” Nayeon grins. “But the woman definitely thought I was a bit crazy when I asked for the bunny and the penguin to act like they were in love, like—”

“—Like they were what?” Mina raises her brows and tries to hold in a laugh when she notices Nayeon’s eyes get wider than she had ever seen. 

Realizing what she’s said, Nayeon cups her hands over her mouth. She opens and closes her mouth once, then twice. And when Mina steps forward to close some of the distance between them, Nayeon’s sure she has achieved some kind of record, like “the heart that beat the fastest, and somehow the human didn’t die but came very close to dying.”

“I already heard it, dummy.” Mina chuckles. “And I really don’t mind hearing it again, so…” 

Nayeon takes a leap—and prays to whatever gods, goddesses, or celestial beings out there that she doesn’t fall.

“I… I’m in love with you, Mina. Like so embarrassingly in love with you. I think you knew that already, or not, Jeongyeon says I’m not very good at hiding, and you’re so observant, and… God, you’re so—” 

Mina leans in, tilts her chin slightly, and brings their lips together. Nayeon usually hated being interrupted, but boy, she did not mind this kind of interruption. It doesn't take too long for them to hesitantly break the kiss and glance at each other with tons of unspoken yet blatantly obvious feelings.

“Uh, I… kinda need to hear it too, you know—just… saying.” Nayeon’s grinning, cheekily so. 

“I love you, Nayeon. I don’t know how much longer I could’ve gone without telling you that, to be honest.” Mina admits, a radiant smile growing across her face.

Nayeon wraps her arms around Mina’s waist, and, for them, the room fades into the background. She hears muffled voices, a distant “Oh my god, it’s happening!” shout from Sana and a “Boo! Get a room!” from Jihyo. But Nayeon doesn’t mind, because the only thing she can possibly focus on right now is the pretty girl in front of her.

Nayeon presses her forehead to Mina’s, their noses brushing, and then whispers, “Merry Christmas, Minari.”

“Merry Christmas, baby Nayeon."

Nayeon had been right all night long; this was her best Christmas ever.

The fourth Christmas 

If the Grinch was known to be too underwhelmed about Christmas, Nayeon was the opposite of that. And that’s on an “ordinary” December 25th—so one could imagine the extra layer of anticipation for this special one since Mina was finally coming home. 

Nayeon can barely contain her excitement as she paces nervously around her living room. She had rearranged ornaments on the Christmas tree multiple times, checked the door for the umpteenth time, and changed her outfit at least twice. But nothing really seemed to calm her down.

If Nayeon were being honest, she was as scared as she was excited to see Mina again. The past six months had been nothing short of challenging for their relationship, as they navigated through different time zones and hectic schedules. But above it all, they had an unwavering commitment to make it work—they were Mina and Nayeon , after all.

Nayeon clung to Mina’s post-it notes, each one with a heartfelt message written on it (and somehow always exactly what she needed to read). Nayeon also had a voice recording of Mina beautifully singing “I’ll be home for Christmas”—a promise Mina made sure to keep. 

In return, Mina embraced Nayeon’s daily texts narrating every single thing happening in her life and their friend’s lives (Mina would always say Nayeon is the greatest storyteller). She also had late-night calls—well, late for her, at least, because Nayeon would wake up every day at 5:30 am to listen to Mina talk about her day. 

And it was okay. Because Mina would be there soon and Nayeon would be able to hold her. 

(Nayeon ignores the hint of sadness and apprehension that grows inside when she thinks of… Nope. She won’t be thinking about this. Not today. Nayeon needed to keep it merry and happy.)

***

When the doorbell rings, Nayeon's heart presses up against her ribcage. 

“Nobody moves! I got it!” she shouts, disregarding her mom’s pleas for her to stop running inside the house. As the door swings open, it reveals Mina standing with a suitcase in tow and a radiant smile gracing her face. 

“Merry Christmas!” Mina says excitedly. 

Nayeon blinks rapidly and it feels like her entire nervous system forgets how to function. She wants to say something, but her tongue doesn’t roll out the words. She wants to hug Mina, but her limbs don’t move. Nayeon, then, rushes forward, enveloping Mina in a tight embrace and burying her face in the crook of her girlfriend’s neck. She loses count of how many “I love you’s” and “I’ve missed you’s” that she murmurs. 

“Baby, I love you and miss you so much, but, uh, I kinda need to breathe,” Mina chuckles, gently patting Nayeon’s head. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I just…” Nayeon lets go of Mina and interlaces their hands together. “I have four months of pure love to give my beautiful girlfriend, so get used to it.”

Mina grins, planting a quick kiss on Nayeon’s shoulder as they head to the living room. Nayeon’s gaze remains fixed on Mina, watching their friends and family curiously asking for stories about her months in Paris. It feels like home, once again.

***

“Earth to Nayeon,” Jihyo snaps her fingers in front of Nayeon’s face, breaking her trance. “Did you hear anything I just said?”

“No, Ji, I’m sorry,” Nayeon sighs, “Say it again, please?”

Jihyo follows Nayeon’s gaze to Mina, who’s leaning against the kitchen counter, sipping on her mug and too engrossed in her conversation with Jeongyeon. “Have you told her yet?”

“Hell no, it’s Christmas, I… I just can’t break the news like that, you know? Christmas is our thing.” Nayeon admits, shaking her head. “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

Concern etches Jihyo's face as she observes Nayeon. “That’s what you said two months ago, but then it was Halloween and Halloween is also your thing.” 

“I know,” Nayeon's voice trembles. Closing her eyes, she takes a deep breath. “But telling Mina means it’s real.”

“Telling me what?” Mina's voice startles Nayeon. Her heart races and she feels the rhythmic thumping echoing in her ears.

Jihyo swiftly exits the room, taking Jeongyeon with her. Mina looks at her curiously, concern flickering in her eyes. Nayeon figures she can’t avoid the topic any longer. So she invites Mina upstairs.

When they enter Nayeon’s bedroom, she’s certain the room has shrunk, somehow.

 “O-kay , what’s up?” Mina asks, settling by Nayeon's side on the bed. 

“There’s something I need to tell you,” Nayeon fidgets with the edge of her bedsheets. She takes a deep breath, or maybe a few, before continuing, “Remember that application I sent out last year? For the film camp?”

Mina nods, gesturing for Nayeon to continue.  

“Well, I… got in.”

“Nayeon, oh my God, that’s incredible!” Mina wraps her arms around Nayeon, her eyes lit with enthusiasm. 

But then, the room falls silent as the weight of the revelation settles in. Film Camp is in LA and it’s almost a year long. 280 days, to be exact. Mina stares at Nayeon, trying so hard to not falter the wide smile on her face. 

“Mina, I… I know it’s a lot to take in, and you just came back to me, I can’t even—I’m sorry for dropping this on you now. On us.” 

Mina shakes her head, but her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. I know how much this means to you, Nayeonie. I’m happy for you. Really.” She tries to reassure Nayeon, although the strain in her voice betrays her true feelings. “When do you leave?” 

The lump in Nayeon's throat grows. It’s painfully real now that, in two months, she’ll be away from Mina once again. 

“February.” Nayeon replies. There’s another beat of silence, their gaze fixed on each other. 

“I want to make this work so bad, Mina.”

Mina nods, forcing a smile in her attempt to mask the… sadness? Disappointment? Nayeon isn’t sure. 

“If there’s one thing in this world I’m certain of, it’s us. We can make this work.” 

Nayeon can see the conflict in Mina’s eyes. In fact, she probably has that same look, accompanied by a quiver in her stomach and a heaviness in her heart.

Nayeon's mind echoes a repetitive refrain.

If there’s one thing in this world I’m certain of, it’s us. We can make this work.

We can make this work. 

(But can we?) 

The fifth Christmas 

Nayeon rushes through the halls of the theater, trying to juggle a bouquet of red camellias on her left hand and a perfectly wrapped box on her right. Her stupid flight getting canceled made her miss the first act of Mina’s ballet recital already and she didn’t want to lose another minute. 

When Nayeon enters the dimly lit room, she catches Jeongyeon waving her hands, hoping to help her find her front-row seats. She settles on the chair just in time for the second act to begin. 

Nayeon’s eyes search the stage for Mina and when she sees her,  the air barely catches up to her lungs. Mina looks nothing short of stunning—her hair in a perfect ballerina bun and a white dance costume that made her look straight out of a Disney princess movie. Mina moves swiftly around the stage, and although Nayeon understands nothing of ballet moves, she’s absolutely certain Mina is executing everything to perfection. 

It’s hypnotizing, really, and Nayeon wishes her mind wasn’t flooded by a bittersweet tide. Bittersweet—because Mina, mesmerizing Mina , isn’t hers anymore. Not since nine months ago, when they decided to step back from their romantic relationship. 

It wasn’t a decision they took lightly. Honestly, all they wanted was to preserve the essence of what they meant for each other, to protect their bond from the irreparable damage of harsh words being said in the heat of the moment, and way too many miscommunications fueled by the physical distance. 

(It happens on a random Thursday. 

“Like, you wouldn't believe how big that studio was, babe, the tour was so damn cool." 

"Yeah? That sounds great, Nayeonie." Mina says and Nayeon notices, once again, how slightly distant she seems.

"Is everything okay? You seem a bit off." 

"Oh, no, it's nothing. Just a bit busy with some paperwork." Mina sighs. "Good thing I have you all to myself this weekend, we have so much to catch up on." 

Nayeon takes a deep breath before breaking the news, "Yeah, about that... I was hoping I could get out of this project, but something came up and—" 

"—Wait, what do you mean, something came up ? We've been planning this for weeks, Nayeon." Mina's frustration poured through the phone. 

"Baby, I know, but there's this important shooting and the director chose me personally and—Look, I'll make it up to you soon, don't worry."

"I'm more worried about you putting our relationship on hold every single time."

"Putting our relationship on hold? Mina—I have responsibilities here. It's not like I want to cancel." 

"Yeah, well, you should start considering what you really want."

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Maybe we need a break."

"Are you being serious right now?" The line goes silent, and Nayeon feels that sinking feeling that something really bad has just occurred. "Okay, yeah, maybe we do.")

Nayeon would say to anyone that choosing friendship had been the best decision for them. That it’s okay, because they’re Nayeon and Mina. Best friends. 

But still, that was Mina, the girl who made her heart flutter from the very first glance. Nayeon can’t deny it—she would always love Mina, even though, on the surface, she'd have to be okay with loving her as a friend.

*** 

As the final notes of the recital resonate through the theater, Nayeon waltzes backstage to find Mina’s dressing room. She hesitates for a moment. Standing by the door, she sees Mina with that post-performance glow that makes her look ethereal. A graceful smile on her face as she talks to a few staff people. 

“Excuse me, ma’am. I’m a huge fan, I was hoping I could get an autograph? Maybe even a picture?” Nayeon begins her impression, making Mina gasp in surprise and then rush to embrace her. 

“Oh my God, what are you doing here? You didn’t tell me you were coming.” Mina beams.  

“I wanted to surprise you.” Nayeon shrugs, then hands Mina the bouquet. “This is for you, by the way. That was breathtaking… You were breathtaking.” 

Mina covers her face with the flowers, a failed attempt to hide how blush on her face. “Thank you, Nayeonie. It means a lot to me that you’re here.” 

“Still want that autograph, though. I might sell it later, you know.” 

Mina laughs, then turns around to get a leaflet and a pen, quickly sitting on the nearest chair to support her signing. 

“There you go, fan. Make lots of money.” Mina winks, handing the paper to Nayeon. 

Nayeon tries to contain her smile as she reads Mina’s perfect calligraphy. 

To my number 1 supporter,

Thanks for coming and hyping me up. It wouldn’t be the same without you, baby Nayeon.

Love,

Minari 

She’s so busy trying to control the flush growing at the base of her neck that she misses when another woman enters the room. 

“Hey you, what’s taking so long?” Nayeon looks up to find a stranger next to Mina. 

A stranger locking her arms with Mina. 

A stranger, staring at her curiously. 

“Oh, hey, how rude of me. I’m Minnie.” The woman flashes her a smile. 

Nayeon’s brain can’t quite follow the sequence of actions unfolding in front of her. 

“Right. Minnie, this is Nayeon. Nayeon, this is, uh, my girlfriend.” Mina says slowly. Or maybe Nayeon hears it that way because the world seems to have slowed down around her. 

It hits her like a ton of bricks. Nayeon can almost feel how the walls of her heart crack and crumble, how her throat burns like wildfire. How her stomach feels like sinking to the ground. 

“Oh my god, of course, the Nayeon. Mina has told me so much about you, I’m glad we finally met.” 

Mina has a girlfriend. Mina has a girlfriend. Mina has a girlfriend. Nayeon needs so desperately to get away from that room. But before she does so, she shoves it all down, after all, she’s Mina’s best friend. 

"Uh, wow, Minnie. So so great to meet you." Nayeon nods mechanically, forcing a smile. “Know what, I just remembered I forgot something in my car, so I kinda need to go…”

“Wait, we’re going out for drinks. Come with us.” Nayeon glances at Mina for the first time since she learned the news. Mina’s eyes hold a glint, like a silent apology, that echoes so much louder than any spoken word. 

“Oh, thanks, really, but I need to get the thing… in my car. I’ll catch you later, maybe?” Nayeon says in a hurried voice. 

She doesn’t wait for Mina’s response, just swiftly makes her way out of the backstage in search of some air. 

Mina has a girlfriend. And it wasn’t Nayeon. 

***

It’s not like Nayeon never thought about the possibility of Mina moving on—in fact, it was one of the things she first thought of. But in her head, it would be totally fine. Because she loves Mina and she wants her to be happy. But, apparently, she didn’t actually realize that it wasn’t Nayeon making Mina happy. And that really really hurts. 

Nayeon takes her seventh shot, clinking her glass with Jihyo and Jeongyeon, intent on her idea that the alcohol would somehow make her permanently shut off her thoughts about Mina. 

“I can’t believe she has a girlfriend. And you two,” Nayeon points her finger to her friends, “you two suck for not telling me this. I need better friends.” 

“It wasn’t our thing to tell, Nayeon,” Jihyo says. “And it wouldn’t make any difference, you’d still be miserable, but away from us, which is worse.” 

“I know I shouldn’t be like this—So what if my best friend is dating someone? It’s fine, all good, really.” Nayeon presses her forehead on the table and groans. “That has to be the most pathetic thing ever, right? Drowning my sorrows on Christmas Eve like this.” 

“As much as I’d love to agree that, yes , you’re pathetic, this is Mina we’re talking about. She’s your soft spot.” Jeongyeon tries to comfort, placing her hand gently on Nayeon’s shoulder.

“Did you tell her you were moving back?” Jihyo asks. 

“I couldn’t get to it, her hot new girlfriend showed up.” Nayeon rolls her eyes.

“You know what, I think you should take that program extension.”  Jeongyeon shrugs. “Enjoy LA a bit more, meet new people, have new experiences.” 

“I don’t want new people. I want Mina.” Nayeon mumbles, stomping her feet like a child ready to throw a tantrum. “I can’t even be mad at her. She seems happy, you know? She moved on, good for her. And I’m throwing my own pity party.” 

“Moving on is not a competition, Nayeon, don’t be too hard on yourself.” Jihyo says, toying with Nayeon’s messy bangs. “But hey, I agree with Jeong, a little more time away will be good for you.” 

Nayeon’s sure of at least two things: 

First, she’s still deeply in love with Mina. Duh . Apparently, when you decide to be just friends, the feelings don’t go away as fast or as easy as she thought. And, well, if it did to Mina, that’s great for her. But Nayeon… yeah, still very much in love with her ex-girlfriend/best friend. 

Second, and this one makes her entire body stiff, she knows she can’t be here for Mina if she stays. Sticking around and acting remotely normal seeing someone else making Mina as happy as she once did was something she wasn’t ready to be okay with.

“It’s decided, then. I’m staying in LA for another year.” Nayeon gets another shot from the counter, raising her glass to her friends. “Here’s to moving on.”

In Nayeon’s list of favorite Christmases, this one would undoubtedly be the worst.

The sixth Christmas

Nayeon stares at the twinkling lights—the only flicker of movement in the otherwise silent balcony. She’s not sure how much time has passed, but by now she can guess the light patterns. White to red to green to yellow. They would flicker then still. Then white to red to green to yellow. 

Surely, not how she pictured spending her Christmas. But her parents had flown to Japan to attend a corporate party. Jihyo and Jeongyeon got stuck in their hometown due to terrible weather conditions. Chaeyoung, her new friend who happens to be her next-door neighbor, had lunch with her, but then she needed to visit her girlfriend. 

And Mina, well, she wasn’t exactly in the picture this Christmas. Their last encounter, a year ago, had downgraded their relationship to… something. 

After learning the news about Mina’s new girlfriend, Nayeon still tried. Because it was Christmas and it’s their thing. So even though she felt like someone was twisting a knife in her heart, on December 25th she went to Mina’s house. She talked excitedly to their friends, she smiled, and she even exchanged a few friendly words with Minnie. 

But that was all the strength she had left. And when Nayeon announced she’d be extending her stay in LA, that was it. 

They weren’t exactly Mina and Nayeon anymore, best friends who couldn’t spend more than two hours without texting each other. 

They definitely weren’t Mina and Nayeon, who once had been so in love with each other, they became a reference among their friends ( “Just answer, Ji, do you love her or do you love love her, like Mina and Nayeon level of gross.” Jeongyeon had asked during one of their outings when Jihyo struggled to come to terms with her feelings for Sana). 

Nayeon wanted to be the bigger person—after all, Christmas is their thing, right?

But it didn’t help that a week ago, as she scrolled through Mina’s Instagram, she saw a picture of her and Minnie with a mistletoe above their heads. Mina had a big smile that made Nayeon’s stomach churn. And she figured no amount of time was enough to make her okay with that. Not when she had piles of memories of her own, going through her mind all the damn time.

(“Annnnd, done. Look.” Nayeon hangs the last ornament, a mint-colored one that she insisted reminded her of Mina. 

She turns her phone camera to the tree, then to the living room, to show Mina what she had been working on for the past hour, as they chatted on the video call. Even though Mina was in Paris, Nayeon made sure to call her whenever she started decorating. 

“Aww, it looks fantastic, baby.” Mina beams. “There’s one thing missing, though. You better get it before I arrive.” 

“Oh, yeah? What is it?”

“The mistletoe. How am I supposed to kiss you if there’s no mistletoe?” Mina teases, a smile growing on her face. 

“Please, as if I needed a mistletoe to kiss you.” Nayeon scoffs, raising her eyebrows. “But fine, I’ll get you a mistletoe, princess.”)

So, yeah—a Christmas in sweats, feeling the bitter cold on her balcony and the gaping hole in her chest from Mina’s absence is far from ideal. 

Nayeon glances at her phone’s clock. 11:46 pm. She has already called everyone back in Seoul to wish them a merry Christmas. Everyone except Mina. Nayeon figured she would be too busy—lunch with her family, a day full of cozy activities with her girlfriend, and so on. But it didn’t sit right with her, not calling Mina.

So she snatches the phone off the side table. Then put it back. She growls, picking the phone back up, just to stare at the screen. Nayeon knows she won’t be able to go to bed until she talks to Mina, or at least tries to. 

But before she can chicken out, the phone rings in her hands, and the screen lights up with Mina’s name. She tries to contain the pounding of her heart but fails miserably. Nayeon closes her eyes, hesitantly pressing the button to accept the call, and holds the phone to her ears.

“Mina, hi.” Nayeon manages to get out. 

“Hey, Nayeonie. I’m so sorry I’m calling this late, the whole time zone thing slipped my mind, but the phone was already ringing and I didn’t want to…” Mina’s words are hurried. “Did I wake you up?” 

“It’s barely midnight, Mina, it’s okay. I wasn’t even ready for bed.” Nayeon says, then curses herself for sounding a bit harsher than she intended. “I mean, it’s okay, really. So…” 

Mina goes quiet for a minute on the other end. “I’m just calling to wish you a merry Christmas.” 

“Right, yeah, Merry Christmas for you too.” 

Another beat. Nayeon can hear Mina’s breathing on the other line, and can even imagine her face as she tries to think of something else to say.

“So, uh, how’s LA treating you? Are you enjoying it?” 

(No, I haven’t truly enjoyed anything since we made that stupid decision. I keep myself busy so I won’t think of you and still don't work. All I think about is you. All I want is to be with you. I miss you so fucking much.) 

“Yeah, yeah, totally. It’s been busy, with classes and shootings and all that.” Nayeon replies. “How about you? How are things over there?” 

“All good.” Mina murmurs. “Oh, you know that job interview I texted you about last month? It worked. I’m officially a dance teacher.” 

“Mina, that’s wonderful.” Nayeon’s lips curl up into a small smile. “They’re lucky to have you.” 

“Thanks, that means a lot.” 

Once again, the conversation tapers off. Nayeon wants to scream because why is it so damn difficult for them to keep a conversation going nowadays. They never had a problem talking before, even when their days were filled with flustered smiles, matching pinkish tints on their cheeks, and butterflies rioting on their stomachs. Even when the fear of admitting their feelings for each other would take over. Now, that comfort they felt around each other has been replaced with pure awkwardness. 

(She knows why, though.) 

Nayeon has so many questions she wants to ask Mina, and so many things she wants to say. She wonders if Mina is truly happy. She wonders if Mina misses her as much as she does. Yet, none of Nayeon’s words can take shape on her tongue.  

“Hey… uh, I kinda have to go.” She thinks, maybe, there’s a twinge of sadness in Mina's voice. “It was really nice talking to you. Merry Christmas, Nayeonie!”

“Of course, thanks for calling, really.” Nayeon tries to get her words around the lump in her throat. “Merry Christmas, Minari.” 

As the line goes dead, Nayeon feels the burning in her throat growing stronger. She chooses to ignore the tears welling in her eyes. Nayeon closes her eyes for a moment longer before she sighs and stands up, closing her balcony door and heading to her bedroom. 

Nayeon never expected Mina and Nayeon—friends to not-so-platonic crushes to girlfriends—to turn from friends to something so awkward she couldn’t possibly name it. 

So she figures it’s time to be just Nayeon.  

The seventh Christmas 

Nayeon wouldn’t admit this to anyone, but she hates living in LA. Sure, it wasn’t all bad—she has good friends, like Dahyun, her coworker, or Chaeyoung, her neighbor. She’s always visiting the beach, and it turns out, she likes it a lot. The weather was okay, too, although she wasn’t always a big fan of the heat. Plus, she had the chance to study cinema in a way she had dreamed about for many many years. 

Really, it was great. For the first two years, at least, because after almost three years, Nayeon could say her feelings towards the city began to change. When the film camp ended, she felt lost. The only thing she knew was that coming back to Seoul wasn’t an option. So when Dahyun told her there was an opening at the company she worked for, Nayeon took a leap. On some level, it gave her exactly what she needed, because Im Nayeon, head designer of  Moonlight Beauty, worked day, night and weekends and she barely had time to breathe, let alone think about… other things, or people. 

But, still, Nayeon hates the damn city. She hates how stressed she is all the time over paperwork and due dates. She hates even more how the one holiday she always loved has become almost unbearable—which was understandable, considering the crazy amount of work she has during the season. 

Yet, come December 24th, Nayeon finds herself pacing around her kitchen, trying to collect ingredients to make her gingerbread cookie. Jihyo insisted that, even though they were apart, their annual competition needed to go on.  (Nayeon wouldn’t dare to fight her friend on that matter). She also figured that even though Christmas wasn’t as merry and happy as before, at least one of her traditions had to be done. 

Nayeon’s about to pour a cup of flour into the bowl when she hears knocks on her door. She figures it’s Chaeyoung—the girl did promise she would bring hot cocoa later, so they could pretend to watch a movie, then Chaeyoung would tell Nayeon about this one girl back at the cafe where she worked who she thought would be a wonderful match for Nayeon (And Nayeon would nod and pretend her brain wasn’t screaming “Mina. Mina. Mina.” back at her). 

Nayeon pats her hands on her apron, trying to clean the coat of flour off her fingers, then heads to her door. When she creaks the door open, she thinks she might be hallucinating. (She did drink a glass of wine not so long ago, and one could say she was a bit of a lightweight for alcohol, so maybe that was it. Right. It had to be it.)

“Hey, Nayeonie.” Mina stands there, hands in the winter’s coat pocket that seems too big for her, and a faint smile on her lips. Nayeon’s ears ring—no longer used to hearing Mina’s sweet voice.

“Mina!” Nayon says in a high-pitched tone, then clears her throat. “What—how did you get here? Who let you in?”

“I think her name’s Chaeyoung? I met her downstairs, I asked if she knew the number of your apartment, told her I was an old friend and she let me in. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t show up like this, I just…” Mina’s voice trails off, and Nayeon notices how her expression changes as if she is just now realizing what she’s doing. 

(Damn you, Chaeyoung. Maybe showing her thousands of pictures of Mina while she cried over how much she missed her made her neighbor a bit too invested.)

“No, it’s… it’s okay.” Nayeon stammers. “Come in, I, uh… I’m making gingerbread cookies.” 

Mina nods and steps inside, following Nayeon quietly to the kitchen. Nayeon tries to come to her senses, somehow. 

Mina is in Nayeon’s kitchen.

 Mina, who she hasn’t seen face to face in a long time. 

It’s not like they drifted apart completely. But Nayeon had kind of numbled herself to everything Mina-related. They would still text each other from time to time. Mina would still randomly send Nayeon a TikTok of a dog doing something cute, saying it “looks just like kookeu”. Nayeon would still snap a picture of a cute beanie whenever she went shopping and send it to Mina, because she knew Mina kept a collection of animal beanies in her wardrobe. 

But, still, it’s different. Uncomfortable, even. Nayeon never quite learned how to deal with the idea of Mina being a stranger.

“Don’t get me wrong, but what brings you here?” Nayeon keeps mixing the batter, taking the whisk as a focus point, so she doesn’t have to meet Mina’s eyes.

“Oh, I—You know, it’s Christmas. Jeongyeon might have mentioned that you were spending it alone and I…” Mina pauses. “I’ve missed you, Nayeon.” 

“Oh.” is all Nayeon says. Her insides twist in the worst of ways. She feels her entire face burn and she feels hot. Like she has been basking in a 40-degree sun, even though it’s cold outside. 

Mina seems to understand Nayeon’s unwillingness to talk when she just changes the subject. 

“No tree this year?” 

“Yeah, no, I didn’t have enough time to get one and then it was too late, I guess.” 

“I see.” Mina turns her gaze from the living room, focusing on Nayeon. She stands up, getting closer to the kitchen counter. Closer to Nayeon. “Do you need help with—”

“No.” Nayeon says in a hurried voice. She rests the dough on the flour-covered counter, covering it in plastic wrap. “I mean—sorry, there’s no need. I’m pretty much finished here. Gotta, you know, put it in the fridge and wait, all that jazz.” 

“Right.”

“Right.” 

Nayeon heaves a sigh and turns around to reach her fridge. She bites her lips ever so slightly, putting herself together before facing Mina again. 

Mina—who’s in her kitchen . (She thinks that if she says it enough, her brain might rewire and learn how to act around… that). 

“Do you wanna go grab hot cocoa? It’s close, but if you’re too tired we—” 

“I’d love to.” Mina cuts Nayeon off. 

(Twenty minutes later, while they are standing at the cafe line, Mina turns around and asks Nayeon, “Extra cinnamon and marshmallows?”

And Nayeon smiles for the first time since she saw Mina standing at her door. “Yeah.”)

***

For the first time in a long time, Nayeon sees a glimpse of what it’s like to be Mina and Nayeon. It happens gradually throughout the evening—like clock strokes. Each one makes her insides turn and twist (for good, this time) and her face feels so warm that, for a moment, Nayeon thinks she’s running a fever.

First, Nayeon and Mina sit down to have their hot cocoa, not being able to escape the silence that keeps taunting them. That is, until Nayeon looks up and Mina bursts into laughter, leaving Nayeon with a confused frown on her face (and her heart beating as fast as lightning, because, damn , how is it even possible for a human being to have such beautiful laughter).

“I’m sorry—you have, uh—” Mina manages to say between lingering laughs, getting a napkin from the table and handing it to Nayeon. “You have a mustache.”

Nayeon chuckles, cleaning the foam from her upper lip. “Think I could rock a mustache if I were a man?” 

“Well, you’d be a funny man, I’ll give you that.” Mina grins. “But handsome, nonetheless.”

Stroke one. 

When they leave the cafe and walk back home, Nayeon notices Mina carefully looking at the decorations on every house and apartment balcony her eyes can find. Nayeon remembers how she once watched Mina rating every house in her neighborhood.

So they pass by a house with nothing but a few twinkling lights hanging in the front door. Mina frowns. 

They pass by another house, this time with way too many inflatable elves and reindeer, alongside an over-the-top figure of Santa Claus. Mina raises her eyebrows. 

And then Nayeon laughs when they approach a house with an extravagant deconstructed snowman shining brightly in the front yard, and Mina looks disgusted. 

“Not a fan of abstract art?” Nayeon asks.

“I mean, points for creativity, I get the whole melting snowman ‘cause of LA.” Mina gestures at the poor snowman. “ But that is just scary.” 

Mina scowls at ugly Christmas decorations, Nayeon laughs, and that is somehow familiar. 

“What’s your favorite so far?”

“None. These people have terrible taste, Nayeon,” Mina shakes her head.

“Okay, then what’s your all-time favorite? Your 10/10 list.”

Mina stops walking, she tilts her head, seemingly thinking of a proper answer. Then, she works a tiny smile. 

“The one your mom put together on the first Christmas we spent at your house. Simple, but festive. Elegant, but not too much it becomes boring. Right amount of lights so it doesn’t blind you. No inflatables.” Mina gestures as if talking about a complicated math equation. “Yeah, 10/10.” 

“Just a little correction,” Nayeon points her index finger up, “I put together the decorations that year, so… it’s my 10/10. Just letting you know.” 

Mina chuckles and playfully rolls her eyes. “Well, then, you’ve got great taste, Nayeonie.” 

Mina resumes walking. She takes maybe five steps before she half turns to look back at Nayeon, and then “You always find your way into one of my lists, huh?” 

Stroke two. 

The rest of their walk home was mostly followed by silence, once again, but this time it wasn’t as awkward. Nayeon knows Mina has just as many thoughts rushing through her mind right now. 

Nayeon wonders if they’re back to normal. Actually—what even is normal for them nowadays? Nayeon doesn’t feel like screaming and running just because Mina is around her, so that has to be a major plus. And as far as talking goes, they had exchanged more words in the past hours than they had for the past six months. 

They talk about Mina’s job. Nayeon is genuinely happy to see how Mina’s eyes glisten as she talks about her students and the recital she’s planning for the upcoming year. They talk about Nayeon’s friends—specifically, Mina wants to know all about the friendly neighbor Chaeyoung who let her in without even checking if what she said was true. Mina worries and Nayeon doesn’t know how to explain that Chaeyoung knows everything about Mina, because it’s all Nayeon ever talks about. Instead, Nayeon lies, “She saw a picture of you, me and the girls when she helped me clean. She might’ve remembered your face.” 

They talk about Jihyo and Sana’s blossoming relationship. Mina shares a few stories and Nayeon’s heart aches a little, because she misses being there for her friends too. Nayeon tells Mina about her job, about how much she hates it, and how insufferable her boss is. Mina laughs a little at how heated Nayeon gets, but also gives her some comfort, “If they don’t appreciate you, that’s their loss, Nayeonie. I know you’re meant for greater things.” 

At some point, Nayeon decides it’s a good idea for them to sit on her living room rug, pop a bottle of wine, and watch whatever holiday movie is on. One glass of wine turns to three, then to five.

Nayeon feels lightheaded, but mostly she feels some courage boiling up inside of her. Their shoulders brush ever so slightly against each other when Nayeon lays on the rug and Mina does the same. And Nayeon decides it’s time to take yet another leap.

“I’ve missed you too,” Nayeon says and Mina shifts her gaze from the TV to Nayeon, looking a bit confused at the sudden revelation. “You said you've missed me before. Well, I've missed you too.” 

Mina stays silent, looking at her intently. 

“I miss us, you know, the way we used to be.” Nayeon admits, “And, yeah, maybe… things won’t ever go back to the way they were—I mean, because of, you know—”

“Hey,” Mina begins, her voice gentle, and her eyes soft. “Maybe they can’t, but that doesn’t mean we can’t find new ways of being us , you know.” 

Nayeon nods in agreement. She sighs, then turns to her side to face Mina.

“I really want you in my life, Mina.” 

“I really want that too, Nayeonie.” 

Stroke three.  

Mina pokes Nayeon's cheeks softly. A smile tugs in the corner of Nayeon’s lips. And Nayeon feels relieved. Hopeful, even, because this is (almost) Mina and Nayeon.

***

Nayeon doesn’t let Mina get to her hotel—she thinks it’s stupid because they’re trying to pick up where they left off in their friendship. The more time they spend together, the better. Plus, it’s practical, she has a perfect guest room, all clean and ready to receive Mina. 

(It’s definitely not because Nayeon is scared she’s gonna wake up on Christmas morning and this whole evening would be nothing but a dream.)

So she settles Mina in the vacant room. And for the rest of the night feels like a sleepover. They talk some more. They watch Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part II because Nayeon somehow manages to convince Mina that it is, in fact, a Christmas movie. 

Then when Nayeon checks the time, and it’s already 10 pm, so she suddenly exclaims, “Ah, I totally forgot about the gingerbread cookies.” 

Nayeon rushes to the kitchen, neatly arranging cookie cutters on the counter. Mina follows her, raising an eyebrow. “Are you going to bake cookies right now?”

“How else is Santa Claus going to find my house?” Nayeon scoffs, jokingly. “Kidding, I just don’t wanna wake up with a voice recording of Jihyo calling me a loser, I have a reputation to keep.”

“Fair enough.” Mina shrugs, “What do you need help with?"

Nayeon hands Mina a rolling pin. “You can roll out the dough while I get these cookie cutters going.”

Mina nods in agreement, taking the rolling pin and starting her task. The atmosphere shifts to one of quiet concentration, each lost in their own thoughts as they work. Mina rolls the dough. Mina cuts it with her snowflake, ball, and star-shaped cutters. And it feels good. 

After a few minutes, Mina breaks the silence. "You know, I've never actually made gingerbread cookies before."

Nayeon looks up, a puzzled look on her face. "Yes, you did. I remember you helping me once.”

"Well, I helped with the eating part. Plus, I was your hype woman for the competition," Mina admits with a sheepish smile.

Nayeon laughs, "Maybe you should try, then. Best decorated gingerbread cookie wins."

"Challenge accepted." Mina grins, rolling the dough with newfound determination. 

***

And then there’s a tray filled with warm gingerbread shapes on the kitchen counter. Mina’s eyes light up with excitement as Nayeon hands her a piping bag. Nayeon tries to focus on the snowflake-shaped cookie in front of her, but can’t help but to occasionally steal a glance at Mina, her tongue poking out slightly in concentration., which makes Nayeon’s heart swell with warmth. 

Nayeon holds back a laugh when Mina’s brow furrows in annoyance as the icing refuses to cooperate. "Having trouble there?"

Mina sighs, "It's really not as easy as it looks."

Nayeon chuckles. "Here, let me show you." She takes the piping bag and begins decorating the ball-shaped cookie. "See, it's all in the wrist."

Mina observes intently, then grins. "Show-off. Let me try again."

They continue to decorate the cookies, amid banter and laughter. The rest of their night goes easy like a breeze and Nayeon thinks it’s safe to say that their friendship was slowly mending. 

When Mina’s alarm goes off, telling them it’s midnight—therefore officially Christmas—they share a quick hug. Nayeon wishes her entire body wasn't stiff, but Mina is so damn close and she smells like apricot and vanilla. It makes Nayeon dizzy. But she shakes it off and tells herself it’s fine. Friends hug, obviously, get used to it. 

(When Nayeon’s about to call it a night and go to her room, Mina asks, “Hey, have you made your good list already?”

“No. I haven’t made one in a while, actually.” Nayeon shrugs. “Have you?”

“Nope. It got a bit shorter over the years, to be honest, so I just…” Mina’s voice trails off. They fall silent. 

“Let’s tweak it.” Nayeon says, a tiny smile on her face, “Write about good things we want to happen until next Christmas instead.”

And then Nayeon wishes Mina a good night, goes to her room and spends the next ten minutes writing on her notes app. Nayeon doesn't share it with Mina, but once again her list is filled with her name.)

*** 

It’s Christmas, 3 pm, and Mina has to inevitably leave to catch her flight. And she leaves Nayeon to figure out what the hell she’s even feeling. Because Nayeon feels somewhat happy with their quick, yet meaningful reconnection. But Nayeon also feels a heavy, overbearing feeling that that wasn’t enough to patch things up. 

Nayeon has questions and concerns. She has fear and hope, all at the same time. But the one thing she’s sure of is that not having Mina in her life is no longer an option. And it’s as good a starting point as any. 

(Before Mina leaves, she calls Nayeon to the living room. 

“I, um—I was supposed to leave this under the Christmas tree, but you don’t have one, so…” Mina smiles, “here it is. Merry Christmas, Nayeonie.”

Nayeon’s eyes are wide with genuine surprise. Mina hands her the gift, and she accepts it almost hesitantly. She opens the bag to find a delicate silver bracelet, with three baby blue stones dangling from the chain. 

“It's beautiful, Mina, um—Thanks, really.” Nayeon runs her finger over the bracelets and hopes Mina doesn’t notice the slight shaking in her hands. 

“I’m glad you like it, I think it suits you.

“How come?” Nayeon looks over curiously at Mina.

“Sana told me the stones are aquamarines. They’re supposed to bring soothing vibes into your life, you know? Like a refreshing splash of water on a hot summer’s day,” Mina smiles shyly, “Kind of like I feel around you.”

Nayeon’s gaze lifts from the bracelet to meet Mina’s eyes. She bites down on the inside of her cheek, but still can’t contain the smile on her face.)

The eighth Christmas 

When the plane touches down on the familiar grounds of Seoul, Nayeon can no longer contain the nervousness bubbling within her. Part of her couldn’t be happier—she had spent the past three months making all the necessary arrangements to leave LA once and for all. It felt like a fresh start, really. A new job, thanks to Jeongyeon and her connections, and the prospect of reuniting with her friends and family. Logically, it was all good, all fine.

But in a much more real sense, Nayeon’s terrified. She has no idea of what to expect of the changes that time might’ve etched into the lives of those she cares about. She doesn’t know if she still fits in their lives like she did before.

And then there’s Mina. Sure, they have been trying to rebuild their friendship over the past year, and Nayeon has embraced the new (and old, at the same time) role she has in Mina’s life; convinced herself that she was okay with being just that, an old friend, as long as Mina remained a part of her life.

Yet, deep down, there was an unsettling amount of questions lingering—once she returns to Seoul, what happens to the feelings she has carefully tucked away? What happens when she sees Mina with someone else? Nayeon isn’t sure she can shield her heart from that. 

“I know you’re having a movie moment there, back home and all, but we really need to get going,” Nayeon laughs when she turns to look at Chaeyoung and the girl is tapping her feet impatiently. 

“I thought you of all people would appreciate the poetic beauty of returning home, Chaengie.” 

“Normally, yes , but we’ve got a party to attend and… I’m starving.” Chaeyoung scrunches her nose and holds her belly, in mock-drama. 

“Yeah, yeah, drama queen. Let’s go.” Nayeon grins.

As they head towards the exit of the airport, Nayeon briefs Chaeyoung about everyone who would be at the Christmas Eve party, which was being hosted by Jihyo and Sana. 

“ Oo-kay . Jeongyeon and Jihyo seem a little intimidating.” Chaeyoung raises her eyebrows, a response to Nayeon telling her about how… intense her friends could be. 

“They are, but you’ll survive,” Nayeon says matter-of-factly. “Don’t worry, everyone’s gonna love you, you’re tiny and cute.” Nayeon ruffles Chaeyoung’s hair playfully. 

“Stop that,” Chaeyoung sticks out her tongue. “But really, do you feel ready for this? You know, Mina and everything?” she asks, her tone gentle yet probing.

"As ready as I'll ever be, I guess," Nayeon replies with a shrug. “I’m glad you’re here, though.” 

“Me too.” Chaeyoung links their arms and offers a supportive smile. “We got this.”

Nayeon finds solace in Chaeyoung’s company. Chaeyoung is warm and bright, she effortlessly lightens the mood. Nayeon hated a lot of things back in LA, but the city gave her Chaeyoung—and she was grateful for that. 

Nayeon can’t quite shake the undercurrent of fear. But she’s somewhat confident that the party that awaits her won’t be as nerve-wracking with Chaeyoung around. 

(Nayeon has a new habit. Every Tuesday night she goes over to Chaeyoung and they have what her friends like to call an artsy therapy session—“Think of painting as a way to make sense of the mess inside, like pouring your emotions onto a canvas”, she had said. 

“This is strangely calming." Nayeon says while she dips her brush into a mixture of blue and green. 

“Told ya, art has that effect.” Chaeyoung grins, then pulls back her vibrant pink hair into a messy ponytail. Chaeyoung glances over at Nayeon and then, “Are you excited to go back home?”

“Mostly happy, I think.” 

Chaeyoung pauses, her brush hovering mid-air. "Is it about Mina? I thought you guys were all cool and shit now.”

“I mean, yeah, we're cool—I think. We’ve been talking a lot.” Nayeon sighs, not breaking her concentration on the canvas. “But, you know, she’s with someone. And I’m genuinely happy for her, don’t get me wrong, I—I just… worry. About how it’ll feel seeing them together.”

“Well, for what’s worth, I think you can do it.” Chaeyoung offers, “But just in case, I can and I will swim across the ocean to get you back here safely.”

Nayeon throws her head back, laughing. “You should just come with me, honestly. It’d be so much easier.”

“Okay, then. I’ll be there.” Nayeon turns her gaze to Chaeyoung, who has a soft smile playing on her lips. 

“Wait, for real?” Nayeon asks and Chaeyoung nods in response. “Alright. It’s a date.”)

***

When Nayeon knocks on Jihyo’s door, she is met with her friend’s wide-open arms and a yelp. And as she steps inside, there’s a storm of tight hugs and a round of equally enthusiastic greetings, following a sweet “You’re finally back!” from Momo and an “I've missed you so much, you dumbass. ” from Jeongyeon. (Nayeon almost feels like nothing has changed.)

“I’m so happy to see you, Nayeon.” Sana chimes in, squeezing Nayeon affectionately. “And who’s this?” Sana turns her attention to Chaeyoung with an inviting smile.

“This is Chaeyoung, my awesome neighbor and friend from LA.” Nayeon introduces, “Chaengie, this is Sana and Jihyo. The buffoons poking each other in the back are Momo and Jeongyeon.”

“It’s so nice to meet you all.” Chaeyoung waves with a friendly smile, “Your place looks amazing, by the way.”

“Aw, thank you.” Sana beams, then mouths at Nayeon, “I like her so much already.”

“So nice to meet you too, Chaeyoung.” Jihyo greets, “Now, how was it living next to Nayeon? Was it terrible? This is a safe space, tell us everything.” She earns an eye-roll from Nayeon.

"Oh, you know, a bit of chaos here and there. But I like it, it keeps life interesting," Chaeyoung replies, matching their playful banter.

Laughter echoes through the room as they continue to chat and share stories. Chaeyoung, as Nayeon suspected, fits perfectly in their group. Their conversations flow lightly and it all feels like a warm, familiar embrace. For the first time in weeks, Nayeon feels relieved.

***

Nayeon is listening attentively to Momo telling a story about one of her dogs when she catches a glimpse of someone entering the living room. Not someone, actually—Mina. Nayeon was starting to feel annoyed at this whole stomach-fluttering thing, never ceasing when it came to Mina. She goes on auto-pilot.

“Mina,” Nayeon calls out as she stands up from the couch and meets her halfway. “Hi.”

“Nayeonie!” Mina offers a smile and softly pats her shoulder. “I’m so glad you managed to come back for the holidays.”

“Yep, yep, back for the holidays,” Nayeon nods slowly and chooses her words carefully. “So, how have you been?”

(Fact one: Nayeon can be a scaredy cat. Fact two: She hasn’t been able to tell Mina she’s coming back for good. Fact three, and this one was added by Jihyo: Nayeon sucks.)

“Enjoying the break, you know. Same old.” Mina shrugs, “And you?”

“All good, yeah. Catching up with the girls, I’ve missed them a lot.”

“Ah, nice.” 

“Sooo, Sana and Jihyo. Now that I see it, I gotta agree, they make a surprisingly good couple.” Nayeon attempts.

“Ha! I told you.” Mina grins. “They’re cute together.” She comments, glancing around the room where Sana is sitting on Jihyo’s lap, engaging in lively conversation. 

"Yeah, they are," Nayeon agrees. "It's great that they found each other."

Nayeon thinks she sees a twinge of sadness in Mina’s eyes, but she doesn’t know what to make of it. So she tucks it away. 

“Hey you. Mina, right? Nice to see you.” Chaeyoung appears at Nayeon’s side, extending her hand.

“H-Hi, yeah. Chaeyoung, I remember you.” Mina seems to hesitate for a moment, before shaking her hand. “I didn’t know you were joining us.”

“Yeah, well, Nayeon was nice enough to invite me and here I am.” Chaeyoung grins. “Let’s go, we’re about to play Pictionary. Nayeonie, we can team up.” 

Chaeyoung grabs Nayeon's arm, steering her away from Mina, who observes them with a polite smile. Mina soon follows them to the living room, where the game is about to take place. Naturally, a harmless game soon becomes a bit of an intense competition—perks of having that group of friends, Nayeon guesses. Her team puts up a good fight, thanks to Chaeyoung’s artistic skills. And if any tension had ever existed in that room, it was long gone and replaced by laughter and loud cheers. 

When Momo attempts to draw a giraffe, and it ends up looking like anything but, Mina lets out a loud laugh and Nayeon steals a glance, watching as Mina hides her gummy smile behind her hand. It sets her heart on fire. But once again, she tucks it away.

They take a two-minute break in between the rounds, and then Chaeyoung nudges Nayeon softly and whispers, “You doing okay?”

Nayeon nods, working a smile as appreciation for Chaeyoung's concern. “Yeah, just… trying not to make things weird.”

“You're doing great. And I’m here, alright?” Chaeyoung winks and gives a light pat on Nayeon’s cheek.

(Nayeon doesn’t know that, but as they refocus for the next round, Mina can’t help but steal glances and Nayeon and Chaeyoung—and how they seem engrossed in their own little world. Also, unbeknownst to Mina, Sana notices the subtle shift in her demeanor. 

"Nayeon and Chaeyoung seem to be very close, huh?" Sana remarks.

Mina nods, attempting nonchalance. "Yeah, they are, I guess."

Sana smirks knowingly. "Jealous, Mitang?"

Mina's eyes widen, and she stammers, "What—N-no. No! Why would I be jealous?"

"I don’t know… Maybe because you still care more than you're willing to admit." Sana chuckles.

Mina shoots yet another quick glance at Nayeon and Chaeyoung, and tries to dismiss how that somehow makes her stomach harden.)

***

When it’s time to begin their meal, the group plays a single round of rock, paper, scissors to find out who’s going to bring and all the glasses and plates back from the kitchen. Nayeon loses and Mina surprisingly volunteers to help. Nayeon gulps hard at that.

They had been keeping their distance throughout the night and Nayeon doesn’t know quite why. Sure, she admits that the prospect of Mina’s girlfriend walking through the front door at any minute had been taunting her the entire evening—but that for some reason hadn’t happened yet and instead of feeling relieved, she finds herself way too analytical for her own good. (And then there’s also her inability to hide how weak she feels around Mina. But, you know, easy stuff.)

So Nayeon tries. She puts in the effort she promised herself she would. 

“I’m kinda surprised you didn’t guess Jeong’s masterpiece. I mean, Santa wearing sunglasses and sipping margaritas? It was right there.” Nayeon says in mock disbelief. 

“Okay, no one would’ve guessed that. How is that supposed to read ‘summer’?” Mina shakes her head. 

Nayeon chuckles. “It’s a thematic thing, you heard her.” 

Nayeon barely realizes her fixed gaze on Mina, watching as she goes around the kitchen, opening cabinets and gathering a few glasses on the counter. Mina has a serious expression, perhaps because of the task at hand, but Nayeon still feels weird. 

“So, um, are you having a good time?” Nayeon asks tentatively. 

“Yeah, it’s been fun.” Mina answers.

There’s a beat of silence. A second beat. 

"Nayeonie, you're staring," Mina teases, stacking plates carefully. 

“O-oh, sorry. I… I wasn’t—” Nayeon tries, earning a light chuckle from Mina. She breathes in and braces herself before continuing, “May I ask where’s Minnie? Is she not coming today?”

Nayeon watches as Mina’s smile falters. Her expressions change at least three times in a matter of seconds—from slightly panicked, to a little taken aback, and then she’s composed once again. 

“Oh, she’s—we’re not—we broke up, actually.” 

Nayeon feels her skin tingling, the air in her lungs barely catching.

“You broke—When? Why didn’t you—” Nayeon stammers, “I’m sorry, I didn’t…”

“It’s okay.” Mina sighs, “We broke up in January, actually, and I—”

“—January? Mina, that was eleven months ago.” Nayeon cuts her off. “Seriously, why didn’t you say anything?”

 “I didn’t think you would—I didn’t want to bother you with that, you were busy and all that.”

“Bother me? Mina, come on. I’m your friend—friends don’t keep things like this from each other.” Nayeon retorts, a hint of frustration in her voice. She takes a deep breath and then, “What happened? Why did you…”

“Just had to happen at some point.” Mina shrugs, her fingers tapping nervously on the glass she’s holding. “It wasn’t fair to Minnie.”

Nayeon furrows her brows, her curiosity piqued. "What do you mean?”

Mina bites her lip and Nayeon’s sure she sees a tinge of sadness in Mina’s eyes. "It's complicated, Nayeon. Let's not get into it right now."

“Alright.” Nayeon doesn’t press on. “I’m sorry, though. That I couldn’t, you know, help somehow. But now that I’m back for good, we can—”

“Back for good?” 

Nayeon hesitates. Stupid, stupid Nayeon. “Oh. I-I’m moving back here. Permanently.” 

Mina's eyes flicker, an unreadable expression crossing her face. “So much for friends not keeping things like this from each other, huh?”

Fuck. 

Before Nayeon can say anything, Momo's voice interrupts from the living room. "Geez, what's taking you two so long? We're starving here!"

***

The rest of the evening goes by in a hazy blur for Nayeon. She tries to distract herself, to engage in conversation, to sing along as she watches her friends rocking a karaoke session. She tries, and tries, and tries. But the messy tangle of thoughts in her mind refuses to leave her alone. It doesn’t help that her eyes repeatedly find Mina's gaze from across the room. 

So she drinks—that had to help the disarray in her mind, somehow. But when two shots turn to so many more and Nayeon finds herself laughing a little too loudly at jokes that weren't particularly funny, and she can barely stand up on her own, Chaeyoung comes to the rescue, guiding her towards the guest room Jihyo has graciously offered.

"Easy there, Nayeonie," Chaeyoung teases, half-supporting, half-guiding Nayeon. "Think you've had a little too much holiday spirit."

“There’s no such thing. It’s Christmas.” Nayeon giggles, her words slightly slurred.

"Sure, sure." Chaeyoung nods, pushing the door to the guest room open. 

Nayeon flops onto the bed with an exaggerated sigh. "You're my savior, Chaengie. My holiday hero."

"I know," Chaeyoung chuckles, tucking her friend in. “Sleep it off, party animal. See you tomorrow.”

***

Nayeon wakes up sometime past 3 am, nursing a mild headache and with her throat so dry that it makes it difficult to swallow. So she decides to venture downstairs in search of some much-needed water, tiptoeing through the darkened hallways.

Nayeon makes her way to the kitchen, grabs a glass of water, and when she’s about to head back upstairs, she looks over at the window to find Mina—in the backyard, seated on a deck chair, wrapped in a cozy blanket and too focused with her book in hands. It piques Nayeon’s curiosity, so she quietly opens the sliding door and heads towards her. 

"Can’t sleep?" Nayeon's voice, a mere whisper, cuts through the stillness. Mina turns her head, meeting her gaze. 

“Something like that.” She says, a soft smile playing on her lips. “Are you feeling okay?”

"Just a bit of a headache," Nayeon admits, stepping out onto the patio.

"Come," Mina offers, patting the space beside her. "I've got an extra blanket."

“What are you reading there?” Nayeon settles beside Mina.

“Oh, it’s just some folklore. Been trying to find some inspiration.” 

“Mmm, enlighten me.” 

Mina turns to face her. “There’s this goddess, Gyhldeptis. She knows there’s a large whirlpool approaching, that's very dangerous and destructive to her people. It had been threatening them slowly, you know, dragging traveling ships down, one by one. So she decides it’s time to do something. She doesn’t have the strength to stop it alone, so she gathers her forces, invites the local elemental spirits to help her.”

“And?” she asks tentatively, motioning Mina to continue. 

“They reshape the coast, turning the destructive whirlpool into a calm flowing river. She doesn’t need force, or power to do it. She needs acceptance, joined strength.” 

“Huh, would you imagine that? Dealing with things like this, calmed and centered.” 

Mina chuckles, then stops. “I wish we did it.”

“Did what? 

“Turned the whirlpool into a calm river. Worked together, reshaped things. Didn’t lose ourselves in all the chaos and… Yeah.” Mina confesses, her voice carrying a weight of sincerity.

“Yeah, me too.” Nayeon agrees, sadly.

"I never meant to hurt you," Mina says, her voice barely above a whisper and her eyes tracing the contours of Nayeon's face. "I hope you know that."

Nayeon sighs, the rapid beat of her heart making her almost dizzy. "I hurt you too, you know. It wasn't one-sided."

They sit in contemplative silence. Neither one of them is sure of what to say next. Truth is, Nayeon didn’t resent Mina, she could never. But she couldn’t deny the nights she spent feeling something heavy and painful growing in her chest. How her stomach felt like sinking to the ground every time her mind flooded with memories of her and Mina.

Nayeon takes a sip of her water. She swallows down the bitter taste in her mouth and takes a deep breath. Then, she takes a leap—the scariest one among the many she has taken over the years.

“Mina,” Nayeon begins softly, “I’m gonna ask you something and I need you to be honest with me, alright?”

Mina nods. Nayeon breathes in.

“What did you mean when you said you broke up because it wasn’t fair to her? To Minnie.”

Nayeon watches the slight shock in Mina’s face, how she parts her lips, how she seems to collect her thoughts, drifting her gaze momentarily to the night sky, before meeting Nayeon’s eyes again. 

“I met Minnie at the ballet program, back when we were rehearsing for that recital you came to see. Back then, I wasn’t… I just wasn’t fine, you know. And she was there, a friendly shoulder for me to cry on when I needed it and, boy, did I need it.” Mina laughs humorlessly. “I guess I just wanted to feel something other than...”

Mina trails off, pauses for a minute, then continues, her voice measured. “I went into that relationship knowing that I still had feelings for you. That I still loved you with all my heart. So, yeah, it wasn’t fair.”

Nayeon’s mind races. Her heart pounds almost violently and time seems to hold its breath, waiting for Nayeon's response.

“Oh,” is what Nayeon manages to say. 

She wants to slap herself. That is so not how a normal person should react to a confession like this, but no matter how hard she tries, she can’t drag the words out of her tongue. And even if she does, Nayeon doesn’t know how this realization changes anything for them. 

“Can I ask you something now? Since we’re being honest.” Mina breaks the silence. 

“Go ahead.” 

“You and Chaeyoung… you know, are you—I mean,” Mina stumbles over her words and Nayeon remains silent, waiting for her to continue the train of thought. “Do you like her? As more than friends?” 

Nayeon bursts into laughter, covering her mouth to contain it. Mina stares at her, brows raised. 

“God, no. No.” Nayeon shakes her head. “Chae was the light of my life back in LA, for real, but that’s about it. We’re just good friends.”

Mina nods slowly, mouthing an “ah” as she does so. 

“I haven’t been… well, you know. Not since you.” Nayon admits. 

“Why?” 

“I tried once or twice. I hooked up with this pretty girl Chaeyoung introduced me once, but it felt… I don’t know.” Nayeon shrugs, a sad smile painted on her face. “No one’s quite like you.” 

Mina takes in Nayeon’s words, a mixture of emotions flickering in her eyes that Nayeon can’t quite read. The air is laden with way too many unspoken words, but somehow it wasn’t awkward. Vulnerable, yes, raw. 

“It’s getting cold. I’m gonna…” Mina gestures, pointing to the inside of the house. “Are you staying here?” 

Nayeon nods, watching Mina standing up, folding the blanket before she heads to the door. 

“I still do, by the way.” Mina calls softly. “Love you, I mean.” 

Mina goes inside. Nayeon wonders if her headache is causing hallucinations. 

*** 

That night, Nayeon lays on the bed and stares at the ceiling, as if the shadows would somehow hand her all the answers. Mina’s confession echoes through her mind nonstop. 

Mina still loves Nayeon. Mina still loves Nayeon, after all this time. Mina loves Nayeon. It’s a bit of a chaotic symphony. 

She tosses and turns, trying to find a comfortable position—unaware the issue at hand wasn’t physical. Her mind was so far from restful. The damn butterflies in her stomach wouldn’t stop fluttering. And the burning she felt inside of her didn’t feel as destructive, but more like a warm, cozy bonfire. 

Nayeon wants to be hopeful, to rock with the certainty that she will, once again, be the one to make Mina laugh in that way where she throws her head back and doesn’t even bother hiding her gummy smile. She’ll be the one to feel the gentle touch of Mina’s hands in hers. That she’ll be the one to hold Mina and tell her, without any trepidation, that she means the fucking world to her. 

Still, there’s this nagging doubt creeping in—were they too broken to mend what had left of them? Was she too naive to think that if they tried again, everything would work out perfectly? It’s a fragile dance, really, between hope and fear. 

So Nayeon closes her eyes and this time she manages to sleep. She dreams of Mina. 

***

Nayeon wakes up on Christmas morning with a heavy body and stinging eyes, perhaps a common state for someone who barely caught a wink of sleep. As she sits on the bed, recollections of the night before flood her mind. By now, Nayeon’s sure her brain is unable to process that information. 

“Good morning, sunshine!” Chaeyoung greets her as she walks into the room with a bright smile on her face. “Brought you some coffee."

“Morning.” Nayeon sighs, taking the mug from Chaeyoung’s hands. “I need to talk to you about something."

“You sure do. Look at that ugly frown.” Chaeyoung pokes the crease between Nayeon’s eyebrows, then chuckles when Nayeon sticks out her tongue. 

“I’m serious, Chae.”

“ Oo-kay . What’s up?” Chaeyoung raises an eyebrow, setting down her cup and focusing her attention on Nayeon. 

Nayeon hesitates before blurting out, "Mina, she… She told me she loved me last night."

“What the fu—” Chaeyoung exclaims far too loudly, earning a light slap in the arm and a “shush” from Nayeon in return. “Sorry. What did you do?”

“What do you mean, ‘what did I do?’, I did nothing, Chaeyoung. She went to sleep, and I panicked.” 

“Oh, for fucks sake.” Chaeyoung brings her hand to her face in a resounding facepalm, too frustrated at her friend’s lack of action. “The girl you’ve been in love with for years— years, Nayeon —says she loves you and you do nothing ?"

Nayeon shakes her head, and Chaeyoung sighs dramatically before continuing, “No Oscar-worthy kiss? Background music?”

Nayeon laughs, "Seriously, you watch too many rom-coms, Chaeyoung." 

"Clearly, you should too, you know, to get some solid advice.” Chaeyoung teases, “But seriously, Nayeon, what are you waiting for?” 

"I... I don’t know what to do, Chae." Nayeon admits, the uncertainty evident in her voice. “I don't want things to be all messy again, not when we’re just now getting back on track. It’s risky.”

“And isn’t Mina worth the risk?” 

“Y-yeah. She is.” Nayeon heaves a deep sigh. “God, she’s so worth the risk.” 

“Then? Big gesture, bold romantic move, what are we thinking here?”  Chaeyoung nudges her. “Your girl is waiting, Nayeon; come on.”

Nayeon rolls her eyes playfully but acknowledges that Chaeyoung isn't too far off. All the feelings she has tried so hard all these years to keep tucked away soared to the surface the minute she heard Mina’s soft voice saying that she still loves her. And if there’s a chance to rewrite her story with Mina, to shape it into something new, she sure as hell will take it.

“Oh, fuck. I need to go.” 

***

"Mina," Nayeon asks as she rushes through Jihyo and Sana’s living room, her voice tinged with urgency, "where is she? I need to talk to her. It's important."

Although she catches all of her friends' attention, it’s Sana who glances up from her phone, a sly glint in her eyes. “Mitang left a while ago. Said she needed some air. Why? Planning on staring at her awkwardly from across the room?”

Nayeon rolls her eyes. "Ha. Very funny, Sana. No, I just... I need to talk to her. It's important."

Sana smirks. “Just go after her, Nayeonie.”

Nayeon does. She grabs her coat and someone else’s car keys and heads to the front door—not even sure where to go. She figures she can try Mina’s parents house; it’s Christmas, after all, and she might be there. And on her way there, she could worry about what to say to Mina, because, honestly, she doesn’t have a clue; Nayeon’s not even sure where to begin. 

But as soon as Nayeon’s out the door, she catches sight of Mina, carefully parking her car on the driveway. She feels all the rest of the world melt away, and the only thing she sees is Mina. Nayeon doesn’t think twice before racing to the car, flinging the door open, and hopping into the passenger seat—sadly for her, this isn’t a movie scene, so she’s met with Mina’s wide eyes and an unintentional smack on her forehead. 

“Ouch—” 

“Nayeon—oh my god, I-I’m sorry.” Mina turns to her with concern in her eyes, offering an apologetic tone for the instinctive response. “Why did you—You really shouldn’t get into people’s cars like this.”

“It’s not people’s cars, it’s your car—crazy reflexes, by the way.” Nayeon lets out a nervous laugh. “Anyway, I have something to say so… hear me out, please?”

Mina only blinks. Nayeon’s body feels riddled with both excitement and apprehension, with every inch of her trembling, her mind racing. “I couldn’t sleep last night. I closed my eyes and I couldn’t sleep because I kept seeing your face, hearing your voice. Going over the conversation we had thousands of times.” Nayeon takes a deep breath, her words tumbling out in a fast-paced symphony. “And I couldn’t sleep because my head was so full of you and I wished—I wished you were right there beside me.”

Nayeon pauses. She has to, because her heart wants to escape her rib cages. Because she feels tears flooding her eyes, and now she has to put in extra effort to drag the words out of her throat.

“I love you so much, Mina. So damn much I feel like I’m going to burst at any moment. And I know—I know things haven’t been good for us and I-I miss you as a friend too, I don’t want to lose that. But I owe it to me, to us, to try it—to really try it.”

There’s a beat of silence. Nayeon wipes her cheek with her fingertips. She hesitates for a second before finally meeting Mina’s gaze. And it’s like the air vanishes from her lungs—her breath so fast and sharp that it makes her dizzy. She sees Mina’s parted lips, how she blinks slowly as if trying to make sense of what Nayeon just blurted. 

Then Nayeon sees how Mina’s lips curl into a smile. How she gets close—too close. How Mina reaches for Nayeon, cupping her cheek softly, then sliding down to her neck. And when Mina connects their lips, Nayeon loses her senses. All she can hear is how her heart thuds roughly against her chest. All she can feel is Mina’s soft touch, warm and tender. All she can think about is how kissing Mina for the first time after four long years makes her feel so damn alive, like the whole world blurs and fades and nothing else matters because Nayeon’s at home.

They part the kiss, but every bone in their bodies refuses to let go of each other. So they stay there for a minute, their foreheads still resting together, their noses touching, and Nayeon’s thumb gently tracing Mina’s skin.

“You know, um, I’d take this as a response, but I kinda need to hear it…” Nayeon says, making Mina chuckle softly.

“Right. Sorry.” Mina locks their hands, then looks at Nayeon with soft eyes and a smile brighter than the sun itself. “I love you, Nayeon. There's no amount of time away from you, no heartache that would make me feel any different about you. I want this. I want us.”

Mina leans in once again, pressing a quick kiss on Nayeon’s mouth. “I want all of my Christmases to be with you since the minute I watched you dance to Santa Claus is Coming to Town, so that says something.” She teases, earning a hearty laugh from Nayeon in return.

“That says a lot, yeah.” Nayeon nods, smiling wider now.

Nayeon hopes this feeling, this fullness in her heart, never ends. She no longer pays any mind to all the ways they’ve lost each other throughout the years—the only thing that matters is how they chose the right road in the end. 

This is right. This is Mina and Nayeon. And they’re going to be okay.