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"Why is he so fucking straight for?" Namjoon thinks as Seokjin complains about the lack of beautiful faces in their college department of science.
Don't get him wrong, he adores his older friend. But throughout the years, he has also learned how he adored Seokjin a tiny bit more than the adoration he gives for his other friends.
He perfectly knows it's bad and may lead to heartbreak, more on his side - the one who adores - than Seokjin's side, the blissfully ignorant receiver of said adoration.
Still, he doesn't miss the cute way Seokjin's eyes widen or his nose scrunches while telling Namjoon his frustrations.
Oftentimes, Namjoon considers this as enough. Just two souls trusting each other with the trivial and grave things in life. But, other times, he can't deny how he's yearning for something more. More touches, cuddles, sweet words, all the stuff that's supposed to feel like butterflies in the stomach.
Although, it's not as if Namjoon ever made a move to let his romantic feelings be known.
He isn't that brave yet.
****
A firm believer of manifesting and taking action, Namjoon unexpectedly comes to a point when he slips.
It is one supposed uneventful night out. Or night in, since they are hanging out in Seokjin’s dormitory, rambling about the stresses of the week.
“And then one of the class couples get pointed out by the professor because guess what, they were being clingy in the middle of the boring history class,” Seokjin rants, his eyes wide and ears red from the explosive incredible emotions of recounting the event.
“You were just jealous no one is flirting with you like that, hyung,” Jungkook quips.
“Yah, shut your mouth, Jungkook-ah. I’ll let you know that I would behave properly given the circumstance that I do have my significant other in class,” Seokjin says, with a proud puffed chest.
Jungkook, chuckling, has no time to response as one of the professors saunters into the classroom.
****
The concept of love as a choice versus part of a predetermined fate has intrigued Namjoon since he could formulate an opinion. But when it comes to Seokjin, he bounces from one to the other. Over the years, he has developed a strong sense of trust for the older one.
He has long accepted that their relationship may be just platonic and he is already fulfilled by the thought.
But, admittedly, there are days when the soul longs for more. More as in holding hands when crossing the street, being giddy with the knowledge that the other admires him as more than a friend, kissing. If he were being honest, he is beyond curious as to how Seokjin’s lips would taste like. How soft it would be, how much emotions those lips could evoke in such an empath like him. How much he would daydream about them or how much time he would spend before falling asleep wishing for another kiss.
For now, he’s satisfied with what they have.
For now, he contains the yearning.
****
Seokjin, despite being seriously one of the most handsome ones on campus, has yet to find his match.
It is a foreign concept to him - love. Honestly, he does not feel like missing out much.
However, as a human and being a social being, there are times when he wonders how it is when someone reciprocates the abstract feeling of love.
How to be someone’s constant and be able to hug them and them hugging you back.
How it is to be so vulnerable you are afraid to break but there is enough trust to still show your weak self to another.
How another soul will choose to cherish you despite your flaws.
Years went on and he saw that love can also be found in his friends. He knows this yet sometimes he wonders how it feels to have something more than friendship.
****
“Can you believe this person ghosted me after 2 weeks of everyday talking, flirting? It’s still such a move for those losers, I guess,” Seokjin rants to Namjoon as the younger tries to cram an assignment due that night at 11:59pm.
“That’s such a normalized asshole move, sadly. People somehow think it’s better to just disappear without reason even if they were more than okay from the start.”
“You wouldn’t do that, Namjoon, right?”
“Of course, hyung. I’m not a ghoster.”
“Of course, Joon. I know that. You’re one of the good ones, really.”
Namjoon misses a few beats and gets lost in the sea of words in front of him after Seokjin says that. He can’t help smiling ear to ear after hearing such a compliment from his best friend.
“Real recognize real,” Namjoon quips.
****
After Seokjin is long gone after midnight and he successfully passed his assignment, Namjoon looks up his ceiling contemplating what Seokjin said hours ago. That he’s one of the good ones.
He’s a bit frustrated now by the person who ghosted Seokjin, now he has time to internalize his best friend’s rant.
How can someone do that to his hyung? Really, how can someone ghost THE Kim Seokjin who’s so so good and very visually blessed? Don’t get Namjoon started on how Seokjin is truly an angel, always looking out and being considerate to others, even when some of them don’t appreciate him enough. Anyway, Namjoon can appreciate him enough and more for those who couldn’t.
Then, his thoughts stray towards the “what ifs”. What if Namjoon confesses to his hyung?
What if Seokjin likes him back? But this thought gets him giggling and feeling like a child. Times like this makes him realize how lucky he is having Seokjin as a best friend but it makes his heart yearn for the more that they could be.
What if he and Seokjin lived long together? That’s a recurring thought for Namjoon. Unexpectedly, Seokjin has woven his life thread into Namjoon’s when they got introduced to one another. Since then, Namjoon has not questioned how deep Seokjin is ingrained in his being, how many Seokjin’s favorite things occupy his mind, how many sleepless nights he thought of Seokjin’s bread cheeks and soft eyes that seem to see the best in others yet still never letting them walk over his principles and dignity.
He likes that thought the most. In whatever relationship status they’ll be in, Namjoon very much likes having Seokjin for the rest of his life.
****
2 months later
It is a silent night, a comfortable one with the two of them. The semester is almost over for both of them. Finally.
They choose to spend the afternoon having sips of coffee at the nearby cafe. Seokjin tries to invite their other friends but gets rejected, saying most of them were going clubbing that night. Both of them are not in the mood for partying, both agreeing to stay in and savor the night when they don’t have to cram anything to pass.
Upon entering Namjoon’s place, Seokjin makes himself at home by plopping down the couch and napping for a bit, eyes getting heavy each second. Namjoon can’t help but smile at his hyung and it was like an “ oh” moment all over again. It’s such a simple regular sight yet Namjoon is mesmerized by Seokjin’s presence.
Namjoon walks over to his room, fixing his stuff and getting into a more comfortable outfit. It’s such a domestic feeling, knowing Seokjin is sleeping soundly in his living room.
Somehow, a glimpse of that “more” he’s been secretly wishing for.
When he comes back from his room, wearing a tank top and shorts that very much highlight his arms and thighs, Seokjin looks up from his sleep-hazed state and says something unhinged, “God, Namjoon why are you so hot?”
Namjoon double takes at Seokjin and stops on his tracks. He whispers a soft “hyung”, to which Seokjin responds with a guilty smile.
“Why don’t you date me, Namjoon?” another unhinged statement from Kim Seokjin.
Namjoon moves closer to Seokjin, making sure he’s not sleep talking or something similar. True enough, the older one is more awake now.
Out of all the days he’s thought of confessing, he hasn’t thought of Seokjin beating him to it.
Namjoon smiles sweetly then says, “of course, I would, hyung,” while pushing aside Seokjin’s bangs to look straight into his eyes.
Seokjin reciprocates by smiling so big his eyes turn to crescent shape.
“I’ve liked you for so long, Kim Seokjin,” Namjoon says, soft like a whisper but enough for Seokjin to blush a shade redder.
“I wanna kiss your lips
I wanna kiss you until I lose my breath,” Seokjin sings quietly across Namjoon’s skin as their lips dance across each other. The older feels the younger smiling into the kiss. At first, it was a slight peck, hesitant on both sides. A few seconds later, it becomes more urgent, more passionate.
It feels so so right.
One thing’s for sure, it’s been a long time coming and they both know it.