Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“So, who is your new roommate again?“ Percy asked, peering at Keyleth over one of the large cardboard boxes he was carrying.
It was late Fessuran, the beginning of a new semester and fall in full swing. Golden sunlight was filtering through the trees on the sprawling Emon University campus, the lawn in between walkways dotted with students taking advantage of the last few warm days. Not Keyleth, though, who was busy moving into her new assigned dorm.
“Uh,“ she attempted to fish the official letter from the university from her pocket but had to give up on it when she felt the box starting to slip out of her arms. “Vex’ahlia something,“ she told Percy, “Name rings a bell, but I don’t think I’ve met her.“ She tried to keep her voice neutral, but there was no fooling Percy.
“See, I just don‘t understand why you don‘t keep rooming with Pike.” He frowned. “She seems like a nice girl.“
Keyleth laughed. “Percy, you sound like my dad. Also, I figured a little change would be good for me.“
“Keyleth, you hate change,“ Percy, rightfully, pointed out, “Makes you anxious.”
Keyleth shrugged. “Sometimes change is good change, you know?”
Percy was right, of course. Even though her new dorm building was only a comparatively short walk from the old one, the idea of starting a new semester in not only a different dorm room, but also in a different building with a new roommate positively terrified Keyleth. She had to constantly remind herself to keep breathing steadily and she was pretty sure that had she not been so overwhelmed with moving, she would’ve already had a good cry about it. She still might. And yet. The change in roommates had been her choice and she felt as confident about it as she could. Which was to say not very, but that was alright. Small steps.
Over the last two years of uni, Pike, a boisterous gnomish girl, had managed what Keyleth had not and made a lot of friends. This left her with a plethora of options for new roommates and Keyleth had decided to spare Pike the awkwardness of pretending that she’d love to keep rooming with Keyleth by simply applying for a new roommate.
She was well aware that she‘d probably sound insane if she said any of this out loud to Percy, so she just shrugged.
Percy raised his eyebrows, the afternoon sunlight glinting off his big, round glasses. “Sometimes change is good change.” He repeated, obviously amused. “How very poetic. Here.“ They had reached Drassig Hall, an imposing brick building towering over them and Percy awkwardly shifted the boxes with Keyleth‘s clutter into one arm so he could hold the door open for her. Ever the gentleman.
“Thanks,“ Keyleth muttered, already scanning the entry area for some sort of sign telling her where to find her new room. She had never been in here. She noticed, though, that Drassig was, thanks to being reserved for older students, a little bit less crappy than her old dorm Gwessar Hall. It still wasn’t exactly nice, though, which did nothing to calm Keyleth’s nerves. It was one of the oldest buildings on campus and the brick walls effectively locked out any warmth and light from the sun outside, making the entry area with its chipped wood paneling and threadbare carpet that exuded a permanently musty scent seem extra gloomy.
“Cozy,” Percy commented, dryly, letting his gaze wander over the abandoned reception desk and the grimy looking seating area in the corner, “Really nice.”
“Second floor,“ Keyleth said, “And stop being a snob, look they even have an elevator.“
“Oh gods, Keyleth, an elevator, however will you cope with such luxurious trappings?“ Percy deadpanned.
“Shut up, you were the one who complained about having to take the stairs, like, five minutes ago.“
Percy sighed. “Fine, you win, now, would you call the elevator?“

The first thing Keyleth noticed when she entered her new room was that Vex’ahlia seemed to have already moved in. This wasn‘t surprising as Keyleth had procrastinated the moving process for as long as possible and it had taken a stern talking to from her RA to get her to finally throw all her stuff into some boxes and lug them across campus.
What did surprise her, however, was Vex’ahlia’s choice of décor. It took Keyleth a second to take in the big bow that was already mounted over her new roommate’s bed along with some arrows, clearly meant to be some sort of statement piece.
Vex’ahlia herself was bent over her desk, sorting through some of her things, but she looked up when Keyleth wedged the door open, regarding both her and Percy with a mixture of curiosity and apprehension that made Keyleth squirm.
“Hello,“ she said, “You must be Keyleth? I‘m Vex.“
Keyleth stopped dead in her tracks for a moment, distracted by Vex’s appearance. She was a few inches shorter than Keyleth, though she seemed to be a bit older. Her dark hair fell over her shoulder in a thick braid, revealing her pointed, half-elven ears and gods, she was gorgeous. Not that Keyleth was into women, really, but that didn‘t mean she couldn‘t appreciate Vex’s almost regal features, her full lips, or the way she filled in her sleeveless blue top, the color contrasting her tan skin and bright hazel eyes.
Shit, was she staring? “Hi, yes, that’s me,“ Keyleth said quickly, training her eyes onto a point somewhere behind Vex, blood rushing into her face.
“Percy,“ Percy introduced himself from behind Keyleth.
“Pleasure,“ Vex turned back to her desk, clearly through with the conversation.
Keyleth noticed that she had the same accent as Percy, from up north, Whitestone area, though less pronounced.
“You got it from here, right?“ Percy asked after depositing Keyleth’s boxes on the bare mattress. Keyleth nodded. “Yup, and thanks again. I owe you coffee.“

“Your boyfriend could’ve stayed, you know,“ Vex said the second Percy closed the door behind him, “I don’t mind.”
Keyleth wouldn’t have minded either. In fact, she desperately wished Percy would have stayed and not left her alone to awkwardly make conversation with Vex. Then again, Percy was always busy and famously hated small talk even more than Keyleth did, so she couldn’t exactly fault him for leaving. Only then did Keyleth fully pick up on Vex’s words.
“Uhm, no,“ she stuttered, suddenly feeling very awkward, “He isn’t… He’s just… a friend. We, uh, we know each other from class, and he offered to help me move and…“ Keyleth abruptly stopped talking when she realized she was doing the thing again, rambling at someone she had just met.
“Alright then,” Vex turned back to the clutter on her desk, obviously not too interested in continuing the conversation and Keyleth found herself wishing for a hole in the floor that would open up and swallow her whole, making her simply disappear. Her body prickled uncomfortably with the shame and embarrassment caused by the whole ordeal, her hands slick with sweat. Vex seemed so cool and unbothered and here was Keyleth, rambling about Percy when Vex had probably just wanted to be polite.
Keyleth took a deep breath to stop herself from spiraling and started unpacking her boxes in the undoubtedly most efficient way: dumping everything on her bed and immediately getting overwhelmed by the sheer amount of stuff she needed to put away. Her old room had had more storage, a proper little closet, but now she’d have to do with a couple of drawers under the bed.
Folding her clothes and arranging all her pillows on the bed helped Keyleth calm down a little and recover from the disastrous first conversation with Vex. Slowly, the space started looking like her own again, easing the heavy, continuous pressure she hadn‘t been able to shake off all day at least a little.
From the corner of her eye, Keyleth could see Vex neatly folding some clothes into a bag and putting a fresh braid into her hair. Bag slung over her shoulder, Vex eventually got up from her bed and Keyleth watched her dismount the bow and arrows from her wall and stow them away in a second, bigger bag. Not just a statement piece, then.
“I‘m off to work,“ she said, before leaving without another word, slamming the door shut behind her.

Keyleth was enjoying some peace and quiet for the first time that day, hanging up the last of her posters and catching up on her favorite show when someone knocked on her door.
“Yes?“
The door pushed open and in came a guy Keyleth had never seen before. Except, she sort of had. “Are you Vex’s brother?“ she asked, mostly on account of the familiar dark hair, tan skin, and hazel eyes, paired with the same cheekbones and sharp jawline she had already gotten to admire on Vex. He was taller than Vex, though, a little taller than Keyleth, too, his hair straight and loose, and instead of Vex’s equally comfortable and form fitting athleisure kind of style, he was wearing a somewhat tattered black sweatshirt, chipped black nail polish half-covering his nails.
He nodded. “Yeah, have you seen her around?“
“She went to work, I think. I‘m Keyleth, by the way, her roommate?“ Gods, way to state the obvious, Keyleth immediately admonished herself, but the guy smiled at her.
“Figures. Nice to meet you, Keyleth. I’m Vax.“
“You guys have the same name?“ Keyleth blurted out before she could think better of it, but he just laughed.
“No, I’m Vax, with an a, short for Vax’ildan. She’s Vex, with an e. Nicknames can be confusing, I get it.“ He plopped down in Vex’s abandoned desk chair, eyeing Keyleth up and down in a way that made her face heat up and her skin prickle. “How about you?“ He finally asked, “Haven’t seen you around before, I definitely would’ve remembered if I had. What do you study?“
“Um,“ Keyleth replied eloquently. Fuck. She couldn’t remember ever having a guy pay that close attention to her, especially not one she’d just met. Weirdly, though it easily could’ve been, it wasn’t uncomfortable, really. Vax didn’t seem creepy, just… curious. Flirty, maybe, though Keyleth was probably reading too much into it.
“I do biology,“ she finally got out, “With a focus on druidcraft. We…,” she swallowed. She could explain this, this was her thing, the one thing she was good at, for gods’ sake. “We study biology to learn more about how our castings affect plants on a structural level so we can adapt the druidcraft to be as effective as it can be. At least that’s part of it.”
Vax leaned forward on the chair, his hair falling over his shoulder, and eyed her with renewed interest. “Spellcaster, huh?“
Keyleth nodded. “You?”
“Nah,” Vax leaned back on the chair, “Never had a natural talent for it or anything and I’m not exactly the studious type so learned magic wasn’t really up my alley. And anyways,“ he shot her a grin, “My skillsets lie elsewhere.”
“What about you?” Keyleth asked, “I mean, what do you study?”
“Business administration,” Vax rolled his eyes, “Most boring degree under the sun.”
“How’d you end up with it, then?”
Vax shrugged. “Vex’s idea. And she’s not wrong, it’s a good subject if you want a solid job, with reliable pay.”
“But not your thing,” Keyleth guessed.
“Like I said, not the studious type,” Vax pushed himself off the chair, “Hey, can you tell Vex that I have dinner for her when she gets back? Thanks.“
And with that, he was out the door, but not before shooting Keyleth a wink.

“Oh gods, I completely forgot,“ Keyleth blurted out, “Your brother was here earlier, he has food for you, I was supposed to tell you.“
Vex looked up at Keyleth from where she had collapsed onto her bed a good twenty minutes ago. “So, you met Vax, huh?“ She asked, a curious glint in her eyes, “Did he try to flirt with you?“
Keyleth could feel the blood rushing to her face, remembering the intense way Vax had looked at her and, oh gods, the wink.
“Maybe?“ She said tentatively, not sure how much she wanted to tell Vex, who seemed oddly invested. “Is- Is that an issue?”
Vex just laughed. “As long as you don’t take him too seriously, everything’s fine. It‘s just a thing he does.“
“Flirting with girls he just met?“ Keyleth clarified.
“Flirting with anyone he just met, honestly.“ Vex sounded a little exasperated, “Anyways, I think I‘ll go and grab my food.“

Chapter Text

“Vax! Hey! Over here!“ Vax had to stretch to his tiptoes to spot his sister over the sea of students crowding the cavernous lecture hall. Gods, he already regretted coming here. He could be in bed right now, catching up on some sleep, but no, instead he was going to have to sit through a mandatory introduction to higher sociology where he would probably fall asleep anyways. Great. Resigned to his fate, he squeezed through a row towards the back of the hall already filled with students and plopped down next to Vex,
“You’re late. Now your food’s gone cold, you fuck.” she remarked, promptly sliding him a white Styrofoam box that blessedly smelled like breakfast, along with a cup of coffee.
“Thanks,“ Vax just mumbled, downing half of the lukewarm, too-sour coffee in one go, “Needed that.“
“Thank Keyleth,“ Vex said with a grin, good mood restored. “After we realized that she voluntarily gets up at the most ungodly times, I enlisted her to get us food, at least on days when we’re both working mornings. You owe me, by the way.“
“Hm sure.“ Vax leaned forward to peer around Vex, where, indeed, his sister‘s roommate was sitting, chatting animatedly to a guy, human, with white-blonde hair and round glasses. She stopped abruptly when she noticed Vax looking at her, smiled and immediately flushed pink. Gods, that was adorable. How could Vex blame him for flirting with people when it was this much fun, especially with people like Keyleth, who were so receptive to it? Vax took a moment to eye her over again. He guessed that she was three, maybe four years younger than Vex and him, and pretty, no denying that, with long, wavy ginger hair, big green eyes, freckles dotting her whole face and the seemingly permanent blush. She was dressed differently today, too, in a yellow top held up by thin straps.
“Nice tattoo,“ Vax commented. Keyleth‘s eyes flickered down to her right arm, covered in a large, intricately flowing sleeve tattoo.
“Thanks,“ she said, shooting him a small smile. Vax wanted to ask if it meant anything, but he was interrupted by the boy with the glasses.
“And who might you be?“ He asked, gaze flickering back and forth between Keyleth and Vax.
Vax had to restrain himself from rolling his eyes. The guy sounded like a rich twat, voiced tinged with that old money arrogance Vax knew all too well. He didn’t sound much like the people Vax had grown up around, though, so he was probably from further up north. In any case, Vax decided, he didn’t like the guy.
“This delight of a person is my brother, Vax,“ Vex replied for him.
“Pleasure,“ the guy said, “I‘m Percy de Rolo.“ Gods, a rich prick name to go with his rich prick accent, appearance and general demeanor.
“Percy is a friend of Keyleth‘s,“ Vex answered his unasked question, the unspoken “At least try to be civil to him,“ hanging between them.

“Group work? Really?“ Vex groaned half an hour later, and Vax felt inclined to agree. Usually, group projects suited him just fine because it meant that he could half-ass his share and rely on everyone else to pick up his slack, but this sounded exhausting. In groups of four or five, they‘d have to prepare a whole educational package, complete with an essay, a presentation and an informational booklet over the course of the whole semester. So much unnecessary work, especially because he had to retake a few of last semester’s courses, not to mention the three jobs he was juggling at the moment. Vax dropped his head on the table. Goodbye sleep, hello misery.
“Should we just do it together?“ Keyleth‘s voice cut through his self-pity, “The four of us, I mean?“ He could feel Vex shift next to him. “Sure, Vax, you in?“
Vax sat back up. “Yeah, why not.“
“Here.“ Vex slid a thin Manila folder over to Vax. He glanced at it, their names scrawled onto the front in Vex’s familiar handwriting.
Asharis, Keyleth
De Rolo, Percival
Vessar, Vax’ildan
Vessar, Vex’ahlia
“I assume your full name is Percival?” Vex asked, leaning over to Percy, who nodded.
“Yes, it’s derived from the zemnian folk hero Parzival and that is quite fitting seeing as…”
“Vex, you‘ve got to be shitting me.“ Vax interrupted and glared at his sister, “Did you choose the topic?“
Vex just shrugged, wholly unimpressed. “What‘s the issue? It‘ll be less work this way.“
“What are we doing?“ Keyleth pulled the folder out from under his hands. “Social structures in the city state Syngorn. Doesn‘t sound too bad?“ She shot him and Vex a questioning look, “Syngorn is that elven city south of here, right?“
Vex nodded. “It is. And it‘s an interesting topic. Vax is just pissed because we grew up there, that‘s all.“
Keyleth looked at them with renewed confusion. “Syngorn? Really? I could‘ve sworn you were from the north. You both sound so much like Percy.“
Vax scoffed. “Like him? Really? We talk nothing like him.“
“I mean…,“ Keyleth blushed again, “I- Sorry, Maybe I‘m wrong I just thought… never mind.“ Vax could almost feel her retreat into herself and immediately felt bad for snapping.
“Syngorn actually has a similar dialect to Whitestone,“ Percy interjected, “If you’re not from around either area, you probably wouldn’t be able to tell them apart.“
“Not to mention that Common isn’t really spoken much in Syngorn, anyways,“ Vex added, “So the dialect isn’t very well known. Keyleth,” She added with a small smile in an obvious attempt to stop Vax from antagonizing everyone present further, “Where are you from?”
“Uh, well,“ Keyleth still sounded unsure of herself, “Zephrah, but I- I don’t think you would’ve heard of it, it‘s this really small town in the Summit Peaks. I guess Stilben and Westruun would be the closest big cities, but, uh, close is stretching it.“
“Oh, really?“ Vex seemed to all but light up, “We‘ve been to the Summit Peaks before, it‘s gor-geous there, isn‘t it, Vax?“
“Sure.“ Vax wasn‘t a nature kind of person, not like Vex was. He had always felt more com-fortable in the bustle of cities. Even in Syngorn, when things had gotten bad, Vex had always wanted to escape to the deep forests and sprawling hills around the city, whereas Vax had loved strolling through town, anonymous in the crowds, blending into the noise, invisible, one of many. Something else about Keyleth‘s words had caught his attention, though. “Asharis,“ he said slowly, “Like the Ashari people? They’re from Zephrah aren’t they?“
Keyleth gave him a curious look. “Yeah, that‘s where the name is derived from, actually. I come from a line of Air Ashari.“
“What does that mean?“ Vex asked, and Vax felt a small rush of satisfaction that, for once, he knew something Vex didn‘t.
“Ah,“ Keyleth started, “Basically, during the age of Arcanum…,“ Vax immediately started to zone out. This was their history lessons in Syngorn all over again, Vex eager to pay attention, anything to please their private tutors, while Vax was struggling to stay awake, always distracting himself.
“Anyways,“ Keyleth closed, “There are better solutions now, obviously, so we stopped guarding the elemental portals a few generations ago, but quite a few of us never left Zephrah, my family included. It‘s kind of a dying town though. Anyways, speaking of, what is Syngorn like?“
Vex shrugged. “Big, pretty, Lake Ywnnlas in the centre. Lots of old money and old, bigoted elves. Ideal place to grow up if you ask me.“ Vax smiled at the bite of her sarcasm, but he realized that words couldn‘t really do the city justice. He didn‘t think it was possible to fully describe how it felt to live there, in the shadow of the Emerald Citadel, surrounded by lush parks, beautiful homes, beautiful people and to still feel so lost, lonely, and unwanted, with only one person who truly understood him.
“Sounds… interesting,“ Keyleth awkwardly shifted around in her seat, “Anyways, when do you guys have time to work on the project?”

***

“Here, I thought I‘d bring coffee for everyone.“ Keyleth dropped a stack of books on their table, on top of which a tray of cups sat rather precariously. Vax noticed that they weren‘t single use cups but the expensive, reusable ones. Somehow, that seemed very on brand for Keyleth. “Here we have a Latte for Vex, um…, right, black with sugar for Vax and plain black for Percy.“ She handed out the cups, before throwing Percy a mischievous little grin and adding, “Percy doesn’t actually like black coffee, he‘s just a snob who refuses to taint his coffee with anything even if it would make it taste better.“ Percy pretended to scowl at her, but a second later, he was grinning along.
“If it was good coffee and not that chain crap Keyleth likes, I‘d have you all convinced in a heartbeat that nothing beats black coffee.“
“Oh, you‘re so welcome to buy us all a round of your fancy Marquesian artisan coffee next time,“ Keyleth quipped back, “Until then, the rest of us are on a meal plan that only includes crap coffee.“
Vax watched the exchange curiously. Keyleth, while always friendly to him and Vex, usually seemed somewhat nervous and on edge around them, so much so that Vax had assumed it was just what she was like. With Percy, though, this was very different. She was laughing, making jokes and all in all seemed much more confident. It suited her, Vax thought.
“Right, so, uh,“ Keyleth pulled her insane stack of books toward her and started flipping through one of them, “We should probably start, right? We have so much ground to cover and I feel like we‘re already a bit behind and, I think we might need to present the first bit of work tomorrow? No, uh, pressure or anything, I just…,“ she trailed off.
Thanks to their ever-conflicting work and class schedules, almost the entire week had gone by without any of them doing any work for the project at all. It didn’t help that the laptop Vax and Vex had been sharing had recently broken and they hadn’t gotten around to replacing it yet. Vax didn‘t mind the lack of group meetings one bit. It wasn’t that serious anyways. Surely, in a class of over 300 students they wouldn’t be the ones to be singled out to present anything. Vex and Percy seemed to share that sentiment, but he could tell that it was stressing Keyleth out.
“Yeah, okay, sure, we are here to work after all,“ Vex said, clearly trying to calm Keyleth down, “Where should we start?“
Percy and Keyleth might‘ve seemed like a stuck up rich guy and a bit of a nervous mess respectively, but after an hour or two Vax had to admit that if he had to choose anyone to do a group project with, it’d be those two. Much like Vex, they were both hard workers and wicked smart in a way that almost made Vax feel left out. Percy, though majoring in mechanical engineering and chemistry, knew a lot about seemingly just about everything, especially pertaining to class and so-cial structures all over Tal‘Dorei. And Keyleth was a quick reader, quick to absorb information and, though she tended to doubt herself as soon as someone asked her questions about it, quick to make connections between bits of information.
“So how‘d you guys meet?“ Vax asked finally, when he felt like his head would explode if he had to read one more page about the Syngorn High Council.
Keyleth startled up from her book. “Who, me and Percy?“ Vax nodded.
“Well,“ Keyleth said, “All of the STEM first years have a bunch of prelim courses together, basic maths and physics and whatnot and Percy and I… sort of ended up in a lot of the same lectures, sitting next to each other a lot and… you know how it goes.“ Ever fidgeting with her hair, Vax watched her pull it up, as if to put it in a pony tail just to seemingly give up on the idea a second later and drop it back down, where it spilled over her shoulders. Vax stared at her.
“You‘re half elven.“ He wasn’t quite sure how he hadn‘t noticed Keyleth‘s long, pointed ears before, as they were almost impossible to miss even with her hair down now that he was paying attention.
Keyleth flushed. “Yeah?“ It shouldn‘t have surprised Vax the way it did. Half elves weren‘t rare by any means but somehow, after years in Syngorn, seeing others like him and Vex still caught him off guard sometimes.
“Are your parents still together?“ Vex asked and Vax shot her an exasperated look. It was true, some half-elven kids did know how it was like to have their parents separated, and somehow, the stereotypes that the difference in life spans was to blame stayed persistent, but Vax thought it was stupid. As if human couples, halfling couples, elven couples never divorced. It had been somewhat true for Vex and him, but that didn‘t mean it was something you just asked.
Thankfully, Keyleth didn‘t seem to mind. “Well, I don’t think I really count, in that way, since my parents are both half-elven themselves, but, uh, no, they‘re not together. It‘s just been me and my Dad for the most part.“
Vex looked like she wanted to say something, but she was interrupted by the obnoxious ring-tone of her phone, drawing annoyed looks from the tables around them. She groaned. “It‘s Dera, I think I need to take that.“
She ignored Vax glaring daggers at her and phone wedged in between her ear and shoulder, she flung her bag over her shoulder, pushed off the table and left the library without so much as another word. Of course, she had left half her things behind so Vax would get to collect them for her. Trust Dera to get Vex acting like a complete mess.
“I have another class in a bit,“ Percy said into the awkward silence following Vex’s sudden departure, “So I‘ll have to leave you to it as well, I’m afraid.“

Chapter Text

Without his sister, Vax didn‘t seem to be particularly inclined to keep working so Keyleth let him convince her to call it a day. She had plenty of other things to do anyways. With Vax’s help, she gathered all the stuff Vex had left behind and they started to make their way over to Drassig.

“So, what kinds of classes do you take?“ Vax asked when they were halfway across campus, sparing Keyleth from embarrassing herself by filling the silence with awkward rambling.
“Well, the sociology one,“ Keyleth started listing off, “And I have to take this stupid module on pre-Calamity Age of Arcanum history that I couldn’t put off any longer, then molecular biology, druidcraft botany, though that one‘s mostly practical, ecology, biophysics, and some advanced casting, this semester mostly focused on wildshape stuff, and, uh, yeah, that‘s it, I think, sorry, I don‘t really know it quite off of the top of my head yet.“
Vax looked seriously impressed. “They‘re keeping you busy aren‘t they? I don‘t think I have half as many classes and those all sound really advanced as well.“
“It‘s really not that bad!“ Keyleth found herself objecting almost immediately, “And really, if you have the basics mastered, it‘s not that hard either!“ The well-rehearsed speech was almost second nature to her by now. Everything was fine, she was coping just fine, her grades were just fine, everything was a-okay. No need to worry about her. And besides, the classes really shouldn‘t have been that difficult, it was her own fault she was struggling with the material and the workload.
Vax raised an eyebrow, but didn‘t say anything except: “Wildshape sounds really cool. Is that very difficult to do?“
Keyleth shrugged. “It‘s alright I guess, depending on what your go-to animals are. Birds and other animals that can fly are pretty challenging, larger beasts are sort of the middle ground and smaller beasts are usually really easy to do, I could do mice and squirrels by the time I was six or seven.“ No need to mention that was still all she could reliably do sixteen solid years later. So much potential, if she would just apply herself properly. Wasn‘t that what everyone kept telling her?
Vax yawned. He did that a lot, Keyleth had noticed, though she couldn’t tell whether their conversation was boring him or if he was just tired.
“You should turn into a bear and surprise Vex, she‘d love… Fuck.“
His eyes went wide and without saying another word, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her into the leaf-littered alleyway between two buildings. It was fascinating how, in his dark clothing, he almost seemed to become one with the shadows. Keyleth could already feel her face heating up, her skin prickling where Vax’s fingers were still circling her wrist. Although he barely even seemed to notice, as he was busy peering around the corner onto the main part of the campus. Even though he kept his expression blank, Keyleth noticed that his shoulders were tensed, and his eyes kept flickering back and forth between her and the campus area.
“What is going on?“ Keyleth asked carefully. She didn’t want to pry, but she still felt like she maybe deserved an explanation as to why Vax had just yanked her behind a building.
“Oh,” Vax dropped her wrist and shoved his hands into his pockets, tension seeming to fall off of him. “Sorry, I just saw my ex and I really don‘t want to talk to him, that‘s all.“
“Him?“ Keyleth repeated before she could stop herself.
Vax raised his eyebrows, challenge in his eyes. “Yes, him. Thorn. You don‘t have an issue with that, do you?“
“What, no? I-uh.“ Shit, she was just making it worse. She took a deep breath. “Sorry, that was uncalled for, I was just surprised.“
Vax laughed. “Hey, don’t worry I was just teasing, promise. Haven‘t met many queer people, have you?“
Keyleth shot him a confused look. Hadn’t he just acted like he was really bothered by her comment? She took a deep breath. Apparently just her overreacting again. What else was new? She didn‘t bother pointing out that she really hadn‘t met many people, period, and just shook her head. “Not really, no.“
“Well, now you have. Okay, coast seems clear, let‘s get going.“
“Sorry for earlier,“ Vax said with a teasing grin when they got to Vex’s and Keyleth‘s door, “I promise I don‘t usually make it a habit to fluster pretty girls by kidnapping them off the streets.“ He winked at her, then strolled further down the hall to his room, leaving Keyleth to stare after him with a lot of very confusing emotions.

Keyleth was getting ready to go to sleep when the door opened, and a very tired and annoyed looking Vex shuffled in.
“Hey,“ she plopped onto her bed, staring at the ceiling for a moment.
“You left some of your stuff behind when you… Where did you run off to anyways?“ Keyleth asked, “Well, not that it‘s any of my business…“
“It‘s alright. And thanks,“ Vex yawned. Keyleth watched slowly and methodically undo her braid for a bit, then: “You know I teach archery, right?“ Keyleth nodded and Vex leaned back against her headboard. It seemed like she was gearing up for a longer story. “Well, there‘s this girl, Aswin, and she‘s been in my classes for a couple of years now, really sweet girl. Her mother, Derowen, Dera, is also really nice, but it’s just her and Aswin and she works a lot. I feel like Aswin has always sort of looked up to me and I have to admit that maybe I liked her a bit more than the other students, if only because she reminds me a lot of Vax’s and my sister, so about two years ago maybe, Derowen started dropping As off half an hour early, or picking her up a bit late sometimes. Not often, maybe two or three times a month. I‘m usually there early anyways to get some practice in, and, like I said, I like Aswin, so it wasn‘t an issue for me. And then Dera suggested that I could maybe watch As sometimes outside of class when she has to work late. I already wasn’t loving the idea, but I said yes anyways, honestly mostly because she paid me really well and it allowed me to save up a little extra on the side, you know? And then last year, we… Had a bit of a rough time, financially, doesn‘t really matter, and Dera helped me out,“ Vex’s head shot up, “Don‘t tell Vax that.“ She said, sharply. Keyleth nodded again.
Vex sighed. “Well, ever since then she‘s gotten a bit more demanding, needs me more often and on much shorter notice and honestly I owe her a lot and I do really care about Aswin, so I don‘t really know how to tell her no and, ah“ she yawned again, “Doesn‘t matter. Just don‘t tell Vax, he hates Dera.“
“Oh, yeah, right, don‘t worry, I won‘t,“ Keyleth hurried to reassure her, “Also, I didn‘t know you guys had a sister.“
This seemed to lighten Vex’s mood. She sat up a little straighter and smiled. “Her name’s Velora. She‘s really small though, she’s turning nine soon. She’s the sweetest little girl and also technically our half-sister, I guess. You don‘t have siblings, do you?“ Keyleth shook her head and Vex gave a satisfied nod. “Knew it. You seem like an only child.“
“Really? I- uh, what makes you think that?“
But Vex just laughed. “Darling, I think that‘s a conversation for another day. I’m going to bed.“

***

“All right, let‘s see some transformations. You guys had two weeks to practice your bigger beasts independently and I hope to see some progress today, uh, Shimta, why don’t you start us off? Show us what you got.“
Keyleth was standing outside on one of the large, tree-spotted stretches of lawn behind the science building, her and a handful of her classmates forming a semi-circle, ready for an hour of Wildshape practical training.
Shimta, a pretty halfling girl with dense, dark curls, stepped forward, took a deep breath, and transformed into a big, black wolf, the bright blue eyes the only sign that she was still in there. It paced around the group once, before turning back into a halfling.
“Very good,“ Professor Cayes said, “See, this is about the level you should all be at by now. Quick Wildshape, quick turning back, secure usage of both your animal senses as well as your own mental capabilities while in your Wildshape form. Now, who‘s next?“
Keyleth took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves. Her stomach was already roiling, though that might‘ve been the lack of breakfast. She was okay. This was fine. Shimta was one of the top students anyways, not everybody was going to be this good.
When the next student seemed to struggle for a moment, Keyleth felt relief wash over her. See, it was alright. But then he turned into a crocodile, a swimming animal, even more challenging than Shimta‘s wolf, followed by a girl turning into a big war horse. Fuck, she felt really sick now, her hands clammy. Without really meaning to, Keyleth started to bounce on the balls of her feet, jittery energy washing over her in waves, making her feel way too warm. Maybe she could just tell Cayes she wasn’t well, maybe they‘d let her leave, maybe she could get around doing it, maybe…
“Keyleth!“ Keyleth‘s head snapped up. Everyone was looking at her. Shit.
“Yes, sorry?“ That earned her a tense smile. “I asked you to go next, if you‘d please?“
“Sure.“ Keyleth‘s heart sped up to what felt like lightning speed as she stepped into the middle, painful thuds in her throat. She tried to swallow against it. She‘d be okay. She had practiced on her own and it had worked out almost every single time. She closed her eyes, trying to visualize the big, white tiger, her go-to animal. Gods, she felt nauseous and a little dizzy. All she wanted was to sit down, head between her knees and try to breathe through it, try to calm down properly. The others must‘ve heard her heart racing by now for sure. It was all Keyleth could hear anyways. That and the blood rushing through her ears. Her head felt like someone had stuffed it with paper, numb, too full and too empty at the same time, a faint static blocking out any and all thoughts. Tiger, tiger, tiger, big, white… She would‘ve had more luck trying to capture smoke with her bare hands, but she had to, she had to try, she had to, this was important. With significant effort, Keyleth made a grasp for her magic, tried to trust her intuition, trust her gut, but there was nothing there. Just nausea, shaking hands, where- fuck, she was doing it again. She tried again, more desperate this time, grasping again, again, again. This was disgraceful. She was vaguely aware of how ridiculous she must‘ve looked, stupid Keyleth not even able to do the easiest, most basic stuff. Fucking embarrassing, what was she even… One last try, it just had to work this time. One last ditch effort and… there. Keyleth could have cried when she finally felt a trace of her powers, buried underneath a layer of nerves, panic. This was good, this was great, she could…
“Alright, Keyleth, that‘s enough, I think. Maybe next week, yeah?“
“No, I-,“ Keyleth tried to protest. She could do it now, she knew she could, she just needed a little more time, she-.
“It‘s okay,“ Professor Cayes sounded exasperated, “Everyone has funks. You‘ll do better next time.“ Except it wasn‘t a funk. Not anymore. Maybe it had been in the beginning, but now it was a pattern. A pattern of insufficiency strung up like a daisy chain of Keyleth‘s personal failures, getting longer by the week.

Keyleth was dragging her feet across campus back to her dorm, her favorite sneakers still caked in about an inch of mud from the all-day botany practical class the day before.
The semester had just started a month ago and uni was already slowly but surely becoming her personal hells again. She liked learning, she really did, but that didn‘t mean it wasn‘t a constant struggle.
History was blessedly little work, but the rest… She didn’t find biology and physics difficult. Keyleth had never had issues with things that just demanded practice, and while practice meant that she had to spend a lot of time on it, it wasn‘t something she couldn‘t handle with an all-nighter every now and then. Though Vex was threatening to impale her with one of her arrows every time she did it. But no, Keyleth’s real struggle were the arcane classes.
Magic had been easy, once. There had been a time when reaching for her powers was almost effortless, when everyone had been impressed with her progress, when it had just been…fun. That was long over, though. Now, it was always the same: They would be asked to demonstrate, and Keyleth would psyche herself out so badly that by the time it was her turn, she felt all but consumed by her painfully pounding heart, shaking hands, and that sick, squirming feeling in her stomach. And once it got that bad, magic was a losing battle, whether it was turning into an animal or producing a vine whip out of thin air.
The most frustrating part was that she knew she could do it. If she had her head in the game, if she managed to stay calm, when she trusted her intuition, and most importantly, trusted herself, the powers were there. She‘d seen it herself, the incredible things she could achieve when her arcane powers worked with her, not against her. Hence, the same lecture about wasted potential almost every semester, about only being able to stretch accommodations so far, about improvement that needed to happen. The very same one Cayes had just given her yet again.
Can‘t you see that I‘m trying? Keyleth had wanted to scream, Can‘t you tell how fucking hard this is for me? Do you think I enjoy being the class idiot? Don‘t you think I would try harder if I could?
But she had felt so utterly depleted from the anxiety attack that she‘d said none of that, had just stood there, nodded, mumbled an apology, and left.
Sometimes, she almost wished people could see into her head, just to experience what it was like for her. Just to see that she wasn‘t trying to be difficult on purpose, that she was doing her absolute best. Then again, she wouldn‘t wish being stuck in her head on anyone.
Keyleth was about ready to drop onto her bed and maybe take a nap, but the scene that greeted her when she entered her room made her stop dead in the doorframe.
Vex was sitting on her bed, cross-legged, restringing her bow while Vax was sitting behind her, laser focused on braiding her hair.
“…Anyways,“ Vex seemed to be in the middle of a sentence, “That‘s what I keep telling him, but it‘s not like he ever listens to us, is it? Oh, Keyleth, darling, take those off, would you?“ She added with a pointed glance at Keyleth‘s shoes.
“Oh, I- um, I can leave?“ Keyleth offered, “I, uh, if I‘m interrupting you guys?“
Vax looked up from Vex’s hair and gave her a smile. “Hey, don‘t be ridiculous, this is your room too. And we like having you around. At least I do.“
“I was about to leave anyways,“ Vex said as if that settled the matter, while placing the bow back into the wall-mounted brace, “And seriously, Keyleth, please take your shoes off, the RA has already bitched about the mud tracks on the floor to me twice.“
Face still burning from Vax’s comment and with a muttered apology, Keyleth slipped her shoes off, desperately hoping neither of the twins would notice her mismatched socks, a big hole over her left toe.
“Later,“ Vex squeezed past her, out the door, leaving her alone with Vax, who was sitting on Vex’s bed, looking like he‘d never been more comfortable in his life.
“So,“ he asked finally, “How have you been? Haven‘t seen you around in a bit.“
Sure you haven‘t, Keyleth thought, frustration rising up in her, you‘re never in class and none of you ever respond to texts about scheduling anything for our project. Not that Vax much deserved her misplaced annoyance, so she just smiled and said: “Yeah, I‘ve noticed as well. I‘ve been okay. You?“
Apparently, she hadn‘t been hiding her feelings very well, because Vax said: “Listen, I‘m sorry about that group project thing. I promise, I‘m not planning to ditch and leave you to do all the work, I‘ve just been a little busy.“
“Oh Gods, don‘t worry about it,“ Keyleth said quickly, “It’s fine, I promise.“ She may have been frustrated, but making Vax feel bad was the last thing she wanted.
Vax eyed her up, and Keyleth felt the familiar flush creeping up her neck when his eyes travelled over the mud on her knees and cuffs of the flannel she was wearing. “Is it really alright?“ He asked finally, amused expression playing over his face, “Because you seem quite stressed every time it comes up.“
Gods, was she that easy to read? Vax barely knew her. “Ah well, that‘s just me, though. I get stressed easily, it‘s not your problem to deal with.“
Vax just shrugged. “You say that, but the least I can do is to try to not make it more difficult for you. Although,“ he grinned, “It‘s not just me. I don’t see Vex and What’s-his-face overworking themselves either.”
“He’s called Percy,” Keyleth told him.
“That’s it. Speaking of, I generally haven‘t seen much of him lately.“
“Oh yeah, you wouldn‘t have,“ Keyleth said, “He has a work placement this semester, so he doesn’t have many classes and he lives off campus.“
“Off campus, huh?“ Vax mused, “Must be nice to be loaded.“
“He‘s not what you think,“ Keyleth said quietly, “He‘s a good person. Really.“
Vax shrugged. “I didn‘t say he wasn‘t.”
“You implied.” Keyleth could feel herself getting annoyed again. Maybe Percy wasn’t the easiest person to get along with, but Vax had been kind of shitty to him from the moment they’d met. “There‘s more to him than you think, and I hope you‘ll see that when you get to know him better.“
“Alright then.“ Vax cocked an eyebrow, but Keyleth noticed the small smile playing at the corner of his mouth. Maybe she’d gotten through to him after all.
He leaned back against the wall, clearly comfortable with the break in conversation. She found her eyes flickering up at him again and again, taking in the way he sat, narrow shoulders, long legs, pen silently spinning around in his fingers, the way his hair fell, half tied up, half down, over his shoulders, thick and dark like Vex’s, but straight where hers was wavy.
“So,“ Keyleth asked eventually, caving to the silence, “Where do you, uh, work?“ Gods why was she like this? The pause had really not been that long but no, she was too awkward to just sit with another person in silence for more than a few seconds.
“Hm? Oh,“ Vax looked up at her, “Different stuff. My main job is at one of those awful fast-food places. It‘s boring and the hours are pretty bad, but the pay is alright, and I get free food. Other than that, I do a lot of odd jobs, seasonal work. My ex‘s family works retail and I help them process large orders sometimes, that kind of thing.“
“Wait, the same ex we had to hide from?“ Keyleth asked. Vax grinned.
“No. That‘s Thorn. Gil is… I don‘t know, it‘s different with him. We didn‘t date for long and the breakup was mutual, and I guess it felt natural to just stay friends after. And before you ask,” He added with a sly grin, “No, I don‘t have any more exes around here. Anyways, enough about me. You don‘t have a job, right?“
“No,“ Keyleth said. It almost felt a little embarrassing to admit it to Vax, who was clearly working hard just to get through college. “My Dad pays for everything because he wants me to focus on my classes. And honestly it‘s probably better that way because I really need that to keep my grades up. Focus and work, I mean.“
“Really?“ Vax seemed genuinely surprised. “Honestly, from what I‘ve seen so far, you seem pretty smart.“
Keyleth just shrugged. This was the last thing she wanted to get into right now with anyone, let alone someone like Vax whom she barely knew. “At least it seems like it, right?“
Vax laughed. “Yeah, maybe that‘s enough.“

Chapter Text

Vax was sitting at a library table, trying his best to labour through a very long and dry text about pre-Calamity Syngorn, for his part of their presentation. He knew he was quite a bit behind, Vex, Keyleth and Percy already having moved on to their part of the slides, while Vax still hadn’t even finished compiling his notes. His topic was the formation of governing structures throughout the different ages, and he hated it. But then again, he hadn‘t bothered to show up when they‘d distributed chapters, so Vex had taken it upon herself to pick the topic she thought he‘d hate most. She‘d been spot on, of course, and between the complicated text and his general non-investment in the topic it was no good. He had spent so long actively avoiding thinking about Syngorn that it seemed like his brain was now refusing to focus on anything pertaining to his childhood hometown.
It also didn’t help that his attention seemed to keep being drawn to Keyleth, the way the afternoon sunlight made her hair glow and brought her freckles into sharp contrast against her light skin. She had her laptop open and was typing, brows furrowed, lips ever so slightly moving along to the words. He hadn‘t been able to fully put their conversation from the previous week from his mind. Spending time with her, watching her work, he did genuinely get the impression that she was very intelligent. In an academic, studious, book-smart way, sure, but she also seemed very emotionally intelligent, picking up on other people‘s feelings, always making sure everybody took breaks. It was hard for him to reconcile the Keyleth he was seeing with the things she‘d told him about herself, the constant struggle to keep her grades up, the worries and anxieties.
Suddenly, Keyleth looked up from her screen, her eyes directly meeting Vax’s because, fuck, he had been staring at her. Vax immediately felt tempted to hold her gaze, maybe finish off with a nice smirk and wink combination, but Keyleth was already blushing to the point where he thought any extended flirtation might just make her keel over. So instead, he drew her attention to Vex and Percy and rolled his eyes. Keyleth‘s eyes went wide, and Vax watched her press a hand to her mouth to stifle her laughter at the sight of them.
Vex and Percy weren‘t working at all, and hadn‘t been for a good while. It had started about half an hour ago when Vex had asked what exactly Percy‘s degree was all about, and Percy had launched into a lengthy explanation about weaponry design and restoration and now they were deep into debating the benefits of different arrowhead shapes.
“Right, look,“ Percy was just saying, scribbling something down on his tablet, “If you stick with the bullet shape, but have it tapered this way…“
“Then you‘d keep the same aerodynamics, right?“ Vax watched his sister lean over to Percy, the end of her braid brushing over his arm, her eyes fixed on him.
Percy nodded. “Yes, exactly, but it would inflict much more damage upon impact. In theory, at least.“ He looked up at Vex, glasses slightly askew on his nose. “I could make you one and you could test it out and tell me whether it actually works.“
“Really? I‘d really like that.“ Vex smiled, her shoulder very nearly touching Percy’s as she was bending down to look at his tablet again. Vax glanced over to Keyleth, exchanging a slightly incredulous Are you seeing what I‘m seeing? look with her. Keyleth‘s grin was answer enough. His sister was actually flirting with Percy De fucking Rolo. Gods help him.
“Keyleth!“ Vax’s thoughts were interrupted by a short girl, probably a halfling or a gnome, with white-blonde hair, not unlike Percy‘s, and a prominent scar over her left eye who had clearly never heard of the concept of an inside voice.
“Pike!“ Keyleth was smiling, “Hey! Hey, uh, long time no see!“
“Too long for sure! Hey since I ran into you anyways, we‘re going out this weekend, just to a bar, you know, me and the usual gang, do you want to come?“
“Uhm…“ Vax wasn’t sure if Keyleth wasn‘t into the idea or merely disliked being put on the spot like this.
It was only then that Pike noticed the rest of them “Percy, hey, good to see you too! And Vex! Oh and you‘re Vex’s brother for sure, right?“ Vax shot his sister a look.
“She‘s friends with Zahra and Kash and them,“ Vex explained, “So we‘ve met before. Keyleth, Pike, how do you guys know each other?“
“Roommates for the better part of two years,“ Pike proclaimed, “And you guys?“
“Vex is my roommate now,“ Keyleth said quickly, “And we‘re doing this group project thing together, for sociology.“
“Amazing. Hey, usually I only drag Keyleth to bars with me, but you guys are so welcome to join as well. The more the merrier, right?“
“Sounds like a plan,“ Vax agreed. He was desperate for a good night out. A loud bar, some shitty ale, a pretty face to take home after… It‘d been decidedly too long since he‘d done that. Vax wasn‘t surprised when Vex immediately agreed as well. His sister loved a good piss up as much as he did after all. Keyleth didn‘t seem to have much of a choice as Vax got the impression Vex and Pike would physically drag her on a night out if she refused. Percy‘s shrug and “Yes, why not?“ surprised Vax more, but what did he know? Maybe Percy had some hidden qualities after all.

They‘d been back at working on their respective parts of the project for maybe half an hour, Vex and Percy bickering a little bit about some stuff Percy had found in a book that Vex insisted was inaccurate, when a sourceless voice magically floated through the library with a sudden announcement.
“Dear Students, we would like to remind you that due to a scheduled event, the library will be closing early today. Please make sure to vacate by three o‘clock and remember to not leave any belongings behind. Thank you.“
“Oh no,“ Keyleth seemed to immediately switch back into stress mode, “I totally forgot that was today, they‘ve been sending out notices for week, but I completely blanked on the date and…“
“Hey,“ Vex was clearly trying hard to bite her grin back, “Keyleth, hey, it‘s okay.“
“No it‘s not!“
Vax, for once, found himself agreeing with Keyleth. “Our first big presentation is coming up later this week and, I won’t lie, we are pretty far behind. We can’t really work on it independently at this stage and Vex and I still don’t have a computer. And I have a lot of work over the next couple of days, so I really don‘t know if we’ll find another day where we can all make it?“
“Since when so focused on schoolwork?“ Vex asked, amused.
Vax just shrugged. It was true, he usually wouldn‘t have put in this much effort, would have just let it be and left it to the others to pick up his slack. He couldn‘t really put his finger on why this was different, though. No, that was a lie, he absolutely knew. He‘d meant what he‘d told Keyleth a couple of days ago. Her anxieties might not be his responsibility, but he could try his best to support her anyways or not make it worse at the very least.
“If none of you mind, you‘re welcome at my place,“ Percy suddenly piped up, “It‘s not far off campus and I have a second computer for you and Vex to use.“
Vax didn’t particularly like the idea. Despite Keyleth‘s defense, he wasn‘t sure how he felt about Percy and going to the place of someone who was basically a stranger was not something he was particularly keen on, either.
“Oh, yeah, we could do that!“ Keyleth said, but it was Vex, who finally convinced Vax.
“That would be really helpful, thank you, Percy!“
“Yes, fine, let’s do that,“ Vax conceded. If Vex was alright with it, then so was he, if only begrudgingly.

Of course Percy had a car and of course it was a fucking nice one too, one of the fancy expensive ones that ran on an arcane power core.
They all piled into the car, Keyleth matter-of-factly taking the front seat, before blushing furiously and turning around to Vex and Vax in the backseat. “Unless one of you wants the seat? Sorry, I didn’t mean to…“
“It‘s alright,“ Vax said quickly, “Neither of us mind I don’t think.“
Percy lived in a bright, modern apartment complex a little ways off campus that Vax thought looked positively soulless. His apartment, on one of the middle floors, seemed like much of the same when they first entered. A clean entryway, painted in neutral colors, a beige runner covering the floor, a couple of jackets neatly arranged on a coat hanger. It felt devoid of any personality.
That changed, though, when they entered the living area. The round table in the middle of the room was littered with drafting paper, books and a heap of mechanical pieces that looked like they may or may not belong to a gun. There were a couple of more or less complete sketches tacked up to the window and the stacks of books and binders looked like they had slowly spread from the table to the floor around it.
“Oh,“ Percy said without so much as a hint of embarrassment, “I was up late working last night. Excuse me while I take care of that.“
“I can see why you and Keyleth are friends,“ Vex commented.
Vax laughed. Now that she mentioned it, he could see where his sister was coming from. Keyleth‘s side of their shared room usually looked similarly like a wind spell had swept through and no one had bothered to clean it yet, just with a lot more potted plants sitting on just about every available surface.
“That‘s not…,“ Keyleth started, “Okay, yeah, you‘re right.“
They managed to be surprisingly productive and finally the bits and pieces of the presentation started coming together.
In the end, Keyleth insisted on running through it one more time, but everyone was so tired that even Percy blew her off.
“Darling, I think it‘s just going to make you more nervous,“ Vex pointed out and Vax agreed.
“You‘ll do fine, I promise. And if it helps, no one is going to listen to us anyways.“
Keyleth did not seem convinced by any means, but also didn’t seem to feel like arguing the point, and just said: “I‘m starving.“
“Me too, should we order something?“ Percy asked.
Vax exchanged a glance with Vex. Takeout was expensive and kind of a waste in his opinion.
Percy had apparently noticed the look. “We can also cook together? I should have everything we need here, at least for something simple.“
And so they did. Vax didn’t think he had cooked like this since leaving Byroden. Sure, he flipped burgers every other day, but that could hardly be called cooking. And he had to admit that this, making proper food with other people, was…fun, in a comfortable way that made him feel almost homesick for something he hadn‘t had in a long time. Vex and Keyleth discovered that neither of them ate meat, something they bonded over, just as Vax and Percy bonded over the fact that they thought it was a little silly.
Keyleth also demonstrated a fun little bit of druidcraft by simply willing some garlic to fall into perfectly even, thin slices.
“That‘s a solid party trick,“ Vex said, clearly at least a little impressed, but Keyleth just shrugged.
“Two years of uni and what do I have to show for it? Party tricks apparently.“
“Hey, don‘t sell yourself short. That just saved us a good half hour of chopping,“ Vax said, and Keyleth shot him a grateful smile. Gods, sometimes he just wanted to hug her until she stopped talking about herself like that. He watched her while she and Percy were squabbling over how to properly stir the food, both laughing. She had her hair up in a messy knot, loose strands curled against her neck and forehead, and she was in a plain green shirt that brought out her eyes nicely. It looked undeniably adorable and meant the tattoos on her arm were visible again. This time, Vax got a better look at them. Round, spiral-like shapes that reached from her wrist up and over her shoulder to her shoulder blade and her clavicle. Today, there was a small armband sitting on her upper arm over the tattoo, golden with antler-like shapes and a small red gemstone set in between them.
“That‘s really pretty,“ Vax said. Without really thinking about it, he reached out to touch it. In the last second, he realized what he was doing and awkwardly pulled his hand back. “Your armlet I mean.“
“Oh, yeah,“ Keyleth seemed to lighten up a little. “It‘s… a lot of druids wear proper circlets for rituals and holidays to symbolize their connection to nature. I have one, but I didn‘t take it to college, so my dad got me this thing when I was accepted into my course to remind me of… home, and my Druidic heritage, I guess. And today is the autumn equinox, so I wanted to wear it to celebrate a little bit.“
“That‘s really nice,“ Vex said, “It suits you.“
“Thank you,“ Keyleth was blushing again, her fingers toying with the antler shapes, “Should, uhm, should we eat?“
They had barely sat down when Keyleth‘s phone started buzzing on the table.
“Sorry, that‘s my Dad, I‘ll just… I‘ll just take that, if none of you mind, I‘ll be quick.“
She wasn‘t quick and Vax, Vex and Percy had almost finished their dinner when she came back in. Vax noticed immediately that she had been crying, her face flushed and her eyes red rimmed.
“Was it bad?“ Percy asked quietly.
Keyleth just shrugged. “The usual. You know.“
Percy sighed, seemingly gearing up for a conversation they‘d had more than once, but Keyleth interrupted him. “Whatever, Percy, it‘s fine, okay?“
“Single Dad shit, huh?“ Vex asked, which made Keyleth smile at least. “It‘s… I guess so. My… my mom left when I was six or seven and just… never came back and it wasn‘t easy for either of us, but, you know, he does his best and really, he loves me and just wants the best for me, so it‘s okay.“
Her words had Vax feeling some type of way and he knew Vex was thinking along the same lines when she sighed and said: “That’s not an excuse, you know? See, Vax and I were also raised by just our Dad, especially after our mum died. He is awful, and I don’t believe for a second that him being on his own justifies his shitty, borderline abusive behavior.“
Vax shifted in his seat uncomfortably. He liked Keyleth and if Vex trusted her, so did he, but he wasn‘t sure if he liked Vex spilling their family history in front of Percy specifically. He was readying himself for the reaction most people had when they heard about their mum passing, but Percy and Keyleth surprised him when they both started laughing awkwardly instead of the uncomfortable silence, pity, and awkward, mumbled condolences.
Vax exchanged a look with Vex who seemed equally bewildered.
“Sorry,“ Keyleth said, a small half-smile still tugging at her lips, “It‘s not… Sorry, I mean, it‘s not funny that your mom died, it‘s horrible, it‘s just… Humor is how we cope, I guess and we‘re sort of the dead-slash-absent moms club aren‘t we?“ Her eyes flickered to Percy. “Shit, I- Sorry, I don’t know if I should‘ve said?“
Percy looked down, suddenly very interested in his placemat. “It‘s quite alright,“ he said quietly, still not meeting any of their eyes. “I don‘t really talk about it, but it‘s not a secret, and we seem to be sharing our family trauma, anyways, so here is how I fit in, I guess… I come from a pretty big family, actually, third child out of seven, my family owns Whitestone Residuum, you might have heard of it. Anyways, about three years ago, I had just moved to Emon and all of us were making the last trip down from Whitestone, by car, when we got into a wreck, and…“ Vax noticed his hand balling into a fist, tight enough to turn his knuckles white and make his veins bulge out of the back of his hand painfully. “My youngest sister Cassie and I were the only ones that survived,“ he said quietly, “Cassie quite badly injured and me… somehow, I made it out almost completely unscathed. Physically at least.“
Vex’s eyes went wide. “Oh Darling, I‘m so sorry, that is awful.“
Vax could only agree. Losing their mum had been hard enough, but losing Vex? Even the thought of that, of being left on his own was like sinking, cold and dark pulling him under, drowning with no one left to save him.
Percy nodded. “It is, yes. But I, ah, gods, can we just talk about something else please? I don‘t…“ he cleared his throat, “Vex’ahlia, what do you do outside of archery?“
Vex shot him a worried look, like she thought Percy was slightly insane for asking after her hobbies after dropping that bombshell on them. Vax understood, though. Nothing worse than opening up to someone and having them be awkward about it. Rather change the topic and not even give the atmosphere the chance to turn sour.
Vex had apparently come to the same conclusion. “Well, I just go outside a lot. Running, stuff like that or just going for a walk. I also love animals and there is this bear sanctuary outside of Emon. It‘s a bit of a pain to get there by bus and whatnot, so I don‘t go often, but when I do, I always enjoy it.“
“Oh!“ Keyleth leaned over to Vex, “The one up the Silvercut? I go there sometimes, too. I love talking to the bears, they all have really interesting stories to tell!“
“You… what? You talk to them?“ Vex asked, incredulous.
Keyleth shrugged. “Yeah? Druid stuff, I don’t know. It‘s a pretty simple spell, actually, I bet I could teach you. If you wanted to, of course. But in the meantime, we could just go together or, oh, we should go hiking together! I know it’s a bit of a drive to get to the Seashale Mountains, but they have some beautiful trails there!“ Suddenly embarrassed by her own enthusiasm, Keyleth turned to Vax. “Yeah, anyways. Vax, what do you do in your, you know, free time?“
“Sleep,“ Vax said dryly, “Not much time for anything else, to be honest. Though I used to do things like parkour, back in Syngorn. I‘m quite out of shape though, especially when it comes to climbing and stuff.“
“I rock climb,“ Keyleth offered up, “But I‘m usually short a second person- I can take someone else on my card if you‘d ever want to come?“
Vax eyed her up and down and grinned. “Rock climbing with those skinny arms? Are you sure?“
“Pfft.“ Keyleth threw her napkin at him, which Vax lazily fished out of the air. “Have you looked at yourself lately? You‘re no Goliath either.“ Her short moment of confident teasing didn’t go unpunished as she immediately blushed furiously. Shit, Vax thought, watching her laugh and bury her face in her hands, that was genuinely cute.
Vex threw him a look, eyebrows raised and Vax looked away, feeling oddly caught.

Chapter Text

Vex and Keyleth were getting ready for their night out with Pike and Keyleth found herself actually looking forward to it. She didn‘t make time for going out often, rather opting to spend the night in her room or the library studying to placate her conscience.
Now though, after the stressful week she‘d had, she felt like she‘d earned this. Her most recent Wildshape class had been… almost good, sort of. She‘d managed to transform into her great white tiger on her first try. She‘d done it before, but this time it had felt like she didn‘t even need to think about it, neither her brain nor her body fighting her like usual. Sure, the goal for the semester were birds, which still felt unreachably far away, but it was something.
As for the less pleasant part, they‘d done their first bit of the presentation for their sociology project and Keyleth had, predictably, flunked it pretty damn badly. Presenting already made her feel nervous on her own but with this group? Vex was effortlessly charismatic, Percy was smart and eloquent and even Vax, usually fairly quiet and reserved, knew how to turn up the charm when he needed to. Needless to say, Keyleth‘s disorganized rambling stood out even more amongst that group. Her nerves had been worse than usual, and by the end of the presentation she‘d been a wreck in need of a good bathroom cry. So yeah, a night out was in order.
Now Keyleth was putting on her favorite dress, cute, yellow cotton with a white flower print. “Darling, that looks great,“ Vex commented from the other side of the room.
She herself was, of course, looking very mature, not to mention gorgeous in a simple silk blouse and black, wide legged pants, her hair down, a blue feather tucked into it. Still, the compliment felt… nice. Very nice actually. The thought that Vex, arguably one of the prettiest women she knew, thought she looked good made Keyleth blush. Hard.
“I‘ve been wondering,“ Vex continued, “Are you never cold? It‘s really not that warm out anymore and you‘re always in these small tops and now this thin dress?“
Keyleth shrugged. “Not really, no. I think it might be a magic thing, like, my magic keeping me warm from the inside? I also rarely get sick, and that might be connected, but I‘m not sure.“
“How very convenient. Hey, do you want me to do your hair?“
“I, uh, thanks, but I think I prefer it down, actually.“ Not that Keyleth didn’t like the idea of Vex doing her hair.
“Let me try something,“ Vex suggested, “We‘ll just take it out if you don’t like it.“
She sat down on Keyleth‘s bed, cross-legged. Keyleth reluctantly sat down as well, facing Vex, who beckoned her even closer. Keyleth scooted forward, her knees now pressing against Vex’s. Over the next few minutes, Vex braided two small sections of Keyleth‘s hair down, and pinned them behind her ears. Keyleth had to admit that she liked it. Her hair was still down, falling over her shoulders the way she liked it, but the braided hairband like structure kept it out of her face while also looking very pretty, and like she‘d actually put in some effort.
“See, you just have to trust me every now and then,“ Vex smiled, “Ready to go?“

The bar Pike had chosen, The Slain Dragon, was one Keyleth had been to a couple of times before. It was reminiscent of an old tavern in an overly gaudy way. It had wood detailing and plaster molded to look like stonework and was perpetually dark and a little too warm. The drinks were cheap, though, and it was within walking distance from campus. Predictably, it was already pretty packed when Keyleth arrived with Vex and Vax, who had exchanged his usual dark sweatshirt for a dark purple T-shirt and an oversized black leather jacket. He was also wearing a copious amount of black eyeliner with big wings, more than Keyleth would have ever worn herself. She generally didn’t see guys wear make-up very often, and it suited Vax, she thought. Percy and Pike were waiting outside, engaged in what looked to be polite chitchat, but stopped immediately when they saw the rest of them approaching.
“There you are! Ah, I‘m excited to get a proper group going!“ Pike said, “This is gonna be so much fun, come on in, first round‘s on me!“
The rest of their troupe wasn‘t hard to spot thanks to Grog, Pike‘s massive Goliath friend. Keyleth had met him a couple of times before and once you got past his formidable looks and tendency to start bar fights for fun, he was a sweet guy.
“Pikey!“ He hollered, loud enough to make everyone‘s head turn.
“Hey buddies!“ Pike didn’t seem to mind one bit when Grog picked her up with one massive hand and put her down on his shoulder, even though her head very nearly missed one of the enormous wrought-iron chandeliers.
Now that Grog had moved a bit, Keyleth could see the rest of the group. There was Scanlan, whom she knew also quite well. “Hey,“ Keyleth said, “You playing tonight?“
Scanlan looked up from his guitar he had been tuning. He was a gnome, like Pike, dark haired, always with an inappropriate joke or two ready to go. “You know it,“ he grinned, “Everyone wants a piece of this. Besides, always gets me free drinks.“
“Looking forward to it!“ Keyleth wasn‘t actually sure where Pike had found Scanlan, but they‘d been friends for years and he was nothing if not entertaining, both on and off stage.
Kash, tall, broad shouldered and a little older than them, was squeezed onto one of the other benches. He was a cleric-slash-med student like Pike and they, too, had been friends for a while, but the woman next to him, who Keyleth assumed was Zahra, she hadn‘t met yet. She was pretty, a tall tiefling woman, red horns curling behind her ears, white hair braided around them. Her silver eyes lit up when she spotted them. “Vex’ahlia. I didn‘t know you‘d be here.“
“Well, here I am, darling,“ Vex winked at her, “It‘s good to see you too.“
After a round of drinks and introductions, Keyleth found herself easing into the atmosphere. Scanlan had moved onto the small stage and was now performing a predictably raunchy song. That‘s what he did. Scanlan never just sang, there was always an element of performance with him and based on the lively atmosphere, people were more than enjoying it.
“Hey, Keyleth, how have you been?“ Kash was leaning over to her, smiling, “It‘s been ages since I‘ve seen you.“
“Uh, hi, yeah, Pike and me aren‘t roommates anymore, so, uh, I don‘t see any of you that much anymore,“ Keyleth admitted, “I‘ve been good, though. You?“
“Much better now that you‘re here.“ Kash grinned and leaned back, returning to his drink.
Keyleth watched him, unsure of how to feel. Kash confused her. When they‘d first met, a little over a year ago, she could‘ve sworn that he didn’t like her. He always seemed annoyed when she as much as opened her mouth, complete with a lot of huffing and eye rolling. And it wasn‘t just her over-active imagination, seeing as Pike had gone as far as to apologize for his behavior more than once. But he seemed to have warmed up to her, judging by the way he now enjoyed joke flirting with her. He kept at it for a surprisingly long time, his strange multi-colored eyes finding her again and again, always smirking when he caught her looking back at him. Gods, why were guys like this? First Vax and now Kash as well. Both loved flirting with her, making her feel flustered and out of her depth and for what? Just for a laugh or two when they clearly didn’t mean it?
Keyleth was slowly working through the ale Pike had bought her. It wasn‘t her favorite drink, heavy and strong, but it did the job and soon she settled into a comfortable, slightly tipsy state, listening to the conversations around her. Vex and Zahra were talking quietly and while they seemed familiar, Keyleth was also picking up on a weird tension between them, always maintaining a certain amount of distance, both making sure that their shoulders didn’t as much as brush against each other. Vax had sat down with Grog and Scanlan, who had apparently finished his set, and the three of them were giving off a distinct frat-boy energy with their dick jokes, drinking games, and general rowdiness. Keyleth watched Vax for a while. She liked seeing him like this. He was usually so reserved, tightly wound and always stressed and tired that it was a relief to see him relax and have fun.
“Hey there,“ Kash was back, squeezing onto the bench seat next to Keyleth.
“Hi,“ Keyleth smiled up at him. She couldn‘t recall why his behavior had bothered her before. He was being friendly, and she felt perfectly fine. This was nice. Kash paying attention to her like this was nice, for gods‘ sake. So, she leaned into it a little, his shoulder warm against hers, the fabric of his shirt rough against her bare skin.
“Your hair looks nice today,“ Kash said quietly, reaching over to slowly wind the tip of a strand of Keyleth‘s hair around his finger.
Keyleth knew she was probably blushing violently, but for once, she didn’t care much and just smiled up at him. “Thanks, Vex did it for me.“

Sometime later, Keyleth found herself at the bar, getting another drink, where she ran into Vax.
“Didn‘t know you and Kash were… close,“ he said with a grin. Keyleth just shrugged. “He‘s nice, but it‘s not like I have a crush on him or anything.“ In fact, she felt quite proud of herself for how the evening was going. This was what most people did, right? Go to a bar, flirt with people for fun, even when there was nothing romantic there and they had barely anything in common. In fact, her conversation with Kash stalled every few minutes and even then, college was the only real common ground they could find, but so what?
“Right,“ Vax was still grinning, “No, don’t worry, I got it,“ he said quickly when Keyleth tried to pay for her drink. Usually, she would have stopped him, she knew money was always a struggle for him, but if he wanted to, why shouldn‘t he? So, instead Keyleth asked: “Hey, do you know what‘s up with Vex and Zahra? I’ve noticed they‘re weird with each other.“
“Uh,“ Vax looked over to where his sister was now talking to Percy, “I think they might have hooked up a couple of times and then ended it? I really don’t know the extent, though, I tend to not be too up to date on who my sister is screwing.“
It hadn’t even occurred to Keyleth that it might be some sort of ex-lovers situation, and thinking about it now, she almost felt a little embarrassed that she hadn‘t picked up on because, really, had Zahra been a guy, that would‘ve been her first assumption. Maybe Vax was right, and she needed more queer people in her life.
Keyleth stopped a few paces away from the table for a moment, just watching her friends and otherwise. Percy and Vex were talking again and they seemed to be getting along really well. It was wonderful to see Percy laughing as much as he did, something she didn’t get to see all too often.
This really was nice, Keyleth thought as she sat back down next to Kash. She felt warm and content and a little like someone had cast a magical, golden bubble around her.
Scanlan was back on stage, gearing up for a slower, softer set, as the bar was quieting down a little. Keyleth could tell he was decently tipsy, but somehow, that didn‘t take away from the performance. Most people weren‘t yet paying attention to him, Keyleth noticed, save Pike, who was leaning over the table, eyes fixed on the stage.
“Hey you,“ Kash was very close again, his hair brushing her cheek, lips all but touching her ear. Her skin prickled, heating up almost uncomfortably.
“What would you say if I asked you for a dance?“ Kash murmured, “Music‘s fitting, don‘t you think?“
Keyleth glanced at the bar room over her shoulder. Scanlan‘s almost sickly-sweet ballad flowed all around them and two or three couples already were slowly swaying in a side space where some tables had been cleared away. Someone had cast a set of dancing lights too, giving the whole scene a warm golden wash.
“Sure, that sounds fun,“ she smiled up at him.
Kash pulled her to her feet, towards the other couples. Keyleth was vaguely aware that quite a few of the others were watching them, but who cared? Not her. Not when Kash pulled her against him, one hand firmly holding hers, the other splayed against her lower back. The closeness, the way he touched her, made her heart flutter, her stomach lurching when he took the lead and spun her around. This is what people must‘ve meant when they talked about butterflies, Keyleth thought, that spinning, falling sensation, like you missed a step going downstairs. But there was something else, too. Even through the golden haze of butterflies and dancing lights and maybe half an ale too many, Keyleth wasn‘t sure she wanted Kash quite that close. His hands touching her all over suddenly were a little too much, too warm, too…there. She tried to move back from him just a little, but he just shifted with her, maybe even pulling her a little closer still.
“This is nice, don‘t you think?“ He asked. If Keyleth hadn‘t known better, she would have thought that he sounded nervous. She nodded.
“It is.“
Later, Keyleth wasn‘t sure anymore who had moved first, or how it had happened, exactly. She just knew that suddenly, Kash‘s lips were on hers, warm and… kind of wet. He was being careful, Keyleth could tell, but he tasted like stale ale and his fingers dug into her waist a bit, obviously trying to pull her closer, and she… She just couldn‘t. This wasn‘t at all what she had thought kissing someone would be like. In fact, it was all too much. The butterflies weren‘t gentle at all now, her heart hammering in her throat, nothing like the excited little flutters from earlier. Shit, she really didn’t like this.
“Sorry, I-, uh,“ she pulled away from Kash, one step, another, and then she all but ran over to the bar. Gods, she needed another drink.

At some point, later, Keyleth found herself in the little courtyard area behind the bar, puking her guts out.
“Hey there.“ Pike had appeared next to her, seemingly out of nowhere, “Overdid it, did we?“
Keyleth wanted to nod, but immediately doubled up again, retching up the last measly remnants of her dinner and too much ale. She wished Pike would leave. She felt miserable, sick and in pain, her throat raw, hands shaking, and head pounding. Her face felt wet and she couldn‘t recall if she had been crying earlier or if her eyes were just watering from throwing up again and again.
But Pike, of course, stayed, no matter how badly Keyleth wanted to be left alone to wallow in her misery right now. “Hey now, okay, I‘m gonna help you a little, alright,“ Pike said, rummaging through her sweater. When her hand emerged, clutching her holy symbol, she pressed her other hand to the small of Keyleth‘s back. Immediately, her headache and the nausea started to ebb away and after a couple of seconds, Keyleth felt… mostly okay. She dropped down onto the steps leading back up to the bar. Pike sat down next to her. “Nothing beats a little Healing Word on a rough night, huh?“
“Thanks,“ Keyleth said quietly. She admired Pike‘s capacity to be drunker than Keyleth had ever been in her life and still be able to cast spells like it was nothing.
“I thought we left pukey Keyleth behind in first year,“ Pike slurred now. There was no way Pike hadn‘t seen her and Kash kiss, Keyleth thought, and she had probably already come to her own conclusion, but since she hadn‘t directly asked, Keyleth didn‘t feel obliged to answer and just shrugged.
“Overdid it, that‘s all. It‘s fine, I promise.“
“Sure,“ Pike leaned her head against Keyleth‘s arm and yawned. “Anyways, how have you been girl? I swear, I spefici…specic… I invited you cause I miss you and wanted to catch up with you and now I haven‘t talked to you at all all night…“
Keyleth smiled. “Don‘t worry about it. And I‘ve been okay, mostly. The usual, I guess. You?“
Pike shrugged. “I don‘t- Keyleth, do you think Scanlan is good looking?“
“Uhm…“ No. “I guess? Not my type, though? Why?“
“Because… Ugh.“ Pike let her head fall back, staring up at the sky. Keyleth just kept looking at her.
“Okay, so,“ Pike said after a while, “I‘ve been friends with him forever, right? And I swear, that‘s all it ever was. Like, people would think we‘re dating and we‘d laugh about it, because it was just absurd. And I swear, a bit ago, something just… flipped. Flipped…,“ she stared at seemingly nothing for a moment, “Like, I can‘t get him out of my head. I used to think it was funny when he took home a different person every night and now it makes me wanna fucking cry. And he‘s just… He‘s, he‘s hot, but it‘s not because of the reasons he thinks he is, it‘s not really because he‘s good looking, or even charming, it‘s because of everything else, it‘s how he loves what he does and the way he glows when he‘s on stage and the way he is when no one else is around and… Gods, it sounds so stupid when I say it out loud, doesn‘t it? Can you believe it? Me? And Scanlan? Ugh.“
“I-,“ Keyleth had to try quite hard to stifle a laugh, “Pike, I think you should just go for it.“
“Absolutely not, he‘s not into me, I know that for a fact. Anyways, enough about that or I‘ll cry. How is Vex? Is she a better roommate than me?“
Keyleth smiled. “No one is a better roommate than you, Pike. Vex is really nice, though. And Vax too, they‘re great.“
“I-,“ Pike hiccuped, “I‘m so proud of you for making friends.“
Keyleth laughed and slung her arm around Pike‘s shoulders. “Thanks, mom.“

“Hey, Keyleth?“
It was about 4am and Keyleth was slowly peeling her clothes off, ready to drop dead into bed, Vex next to her doing the same.
“Hm?“
“I, well,“ Vex pulled on a pair of shorts and sat down on Keyleth‘s bed, pushing a pile of clothes out of the way, “I noticed you weren’t having a very good time tonight. Are you alright? Do you want to talk about it?“
“Don‘t worry about it,“ Keyleth said quickly, sitting down next to Vex, “I‘m pretty lightweight, so this used to happen a lot. I‘m much better about my limit now, though, so I‘m usually okay. I don‘t know what went wrong tonight.“
Vex sighed. “Hey, I‘m sorry, I didn’t come check on you, I should have. But also,“ she glanced sideways at Keyleth, “You overdoing it wouldn‘t have had anything to do with you and Kashaw, would it?“
Keyleth had done an okay job not thinking about Kash for a bit, but now that Vex had brought it up, it all came rushing back in. Immediately, Keyleth‘s stomach was in knots again, pulse racing. She sighed. “Gods, maybe? I don‘t know, I just… It was my first kiss and I think I just got really overwhelmed.“
“Your first… Oh really? I mean, no judgement from me, I‘m just surprised.“
Keyleth shrugged. “My Dad kept me quite sheltered growing up so it‘s not like I had many opportunities to meet new people? And now I feel like I just don‘t have time to get to know people like that? Also, because of all of that, I‘m really inexperienced which, you know, doesn’t really help.“
Vex yawned. “That‘s something you have to do on your own time, I think. Though I think that if that‘s what you want, you‘ll find someone who‘s just right for you eventually.“
Keyleth nodded. She took a deep breath. “Hey Vex, can I ask you something?“
“Sure, what is it?“
“You- You‘re bi, right? Or, like, into women?“ Gods, she was fumbling this already. But Vex was just looking at her, eyebrow quirked, amused expression on her face, so Keyleth just kept talking. “How, I mean, how did you know?“
Vex was now fully grinning. “Going there, are we? Are you having a sexuality crisis, darling?“
“I- I don‘t know,“ Keyleth said honestly. It wasn‘t like she‘d given it a lot of thought, ever. She also hadn‘t had feelings for women before, so it didn‘t seem all that likely, but on the other hand… She‘d just had her first kiss with a guy, and she had not liked it at all, so what if she… just didn‘t like men?
“I don‘t think I can help you anyways,“ Vex said, “Because elven society is different in that way. In a way, it‘s almost expected to not be straight, so for Vax and me it wasn‘t much of a coming out experience. We both started puberty, were both attracted to guys and girls, and never really thought about it again until we left Syngorn.“
Vex had been right. This wasn‘t helpful at all. Sure, Keyleth had found women…pretty before, but surely, there was more to it than that? Gods, this was unexpectedly confusing and also not something Keyleth wanted to unpack at 4am after a long, exhausting night out.
“Well,“ Vex pushed off the bed, “Tell me if you come to any major conclusions, I‘m going to sleep now.“

Chapter Text

Vax was sitting on his sister’s bed, messing around on his phone. Vex was at her desk working. They both had a paper due for their economics course, which was what Vax had come here to work on as well before growing bored and giving up. Not a good idea but also not really his fault. Keyleth had spread some sort of tarp in the middle of the room and was busy repotting her plants, which wasn‘t exactly quiet. How in the world was he supposed to focus like that?
“And you, mister?“ she quietly asked a big, fluffy fern-type plant. Had it been anyone else, Vax would‘ve assumed they were just mindlessly chattering at the plant. When Keyleth intently leaned over the plant, though, and said, “Yeah, I know, buddy. But I don’t have a bigger pot right now, you‘re growing really fast, sorry,“ he wasn’t even surprised. She was Keyleth, of course she could talk to plants.
Her half of the room almost looked empty without the plants there. No, empty wasn‘t the right word. There was still clutter on every available surface, warm, bright colors everywhere. Really, the contrast between Keyleth‘s and Vex’s side of the room couldn’t have been more startling if they‘d tried. Vex’s bed was usually made, sheets in light, neutral colors, always with neat military corners, all her stuff tucked away in drawers, books on her shelves neatly stacked. Keyleth‘s half on the other hand… Vax wasn‘t sure he‘d ever seen her bed made, it was usually just a big pile of at least three blankets and twice as many, colorful, mismatched pillows that all looked like she had found them at various flea markets. Not to mention the clothes on the bed, on the floor, piled high on her desk chair, and the desk itself littered with pens, empty bottles, sticky notes and about two hundred hair pins. He did love the wall-space above her bed, though, a big art print of a misty forest tacked up over her headboard and a collection of postcards and photos, arranged on the other wall. He was itching to wander over and look at them, to see what sorts of things were important enough to her to earn a place on her wall. But before he got a chance to, Vex’s and his new laptop started pinging with the sound of an incoming call.
Vax just had time to make out “Syldor Vessar“ on the screen, but before he could say anything, Vex had already accepted the call. Vax shot her an annoyed look. It had been almost eight years since they‘d left Syngorn and their father‘s place and yet, Vex still seemed tethered to it, still eager to please, still desperate to be loved or at least accepted by Syldor.
But his annoyance fizzled out immediately when it wasn‘t their father who filled the screen but Velora and her mother, Devana.
Syldor had brought Devana home when Vex and Vax had been thirteen, already mentally checked out of their life in Syngorn, too busy grieving their mother to be able to accept her as even a stepmother. Still, Vax didn’t resent her the way he resented his father.
It was remarkable though, how much Devana resembled Elaina, their late mother. The same rich, olive skin and thick dark hair, the biggest notable difference her eyes, violet blue where Elaina‘s had been brown. And, of course, her long, elven ears. Dear old Syldor had a type.
Probably thanks to his father‘s taste in women, he saw a lot of Vex in Velora, or at least of Vex when she had been Velora’s age. Of course, Velora also idolized her big sister, making an effort to look as much as Vex as possible, her hair in the same braid Vex often wore and a feather tucked into it just like Vex did sometimes.
Vax glanced over at Vex. He knew it wasn‘t easy for her to see Velora, so much like her but different in the one way that mattered. Syldor‘s do-over when his first set of children had turned out an utter disappointment.
“Hey!“ Velora sounded excited, “I wanted to ask you guys something.“
“What is it, darling?“ Vex asked and Velora visibly lit up at the pet name. “It‘s Civilization’s Dawn next week and… do you guys want to come visit? Mummy says you‘ll have the day off from uni.“
Vex’s shoulder‘s sagged. “I‘m sorry honey, but I think we‘ll still be busy anyways, it‘s quite a long trip to Syngorn for us.“ It wasn‘t necessarily true. If they’d want to go, they‘d be more than able to make time, but the toll going to Syngorn always took on them wasn‘t worth it, even for Velora. Ever since she‘d been born, their father had been making more of an, albeit unrequited, effort to be more civil with them, but in Vax’s mind, that didn‘t undo years and years of neglect and abuse.
“Well,“ Devana spoke up, “The celebrations in Emon are much bigger anyways, aren‘t they? Maybe Velora could visit you for the day? We could use a portal to get her to Emon and I‘d pick her back up in the evening, would that be alright?“
Of course, Vax thought with a hint of bitterness, of course their father would cash out the money for princess Velora to use a portal but if him and Vex wanted to come visit, they‘d have to take the train.
“Sure!“ Vex said, “We‘ll have a nice festival day together, go to one of the big bonfires, it‘ll be fun!“
“Really?“ Velora seemed ecstatic. “Mummy said the bonfires are really pretty in Emon!“
“Oh, you‘ll love it, I promise,“ Vex smiled.
“Velora, love, I think your tutor will be over in just a bit, why don‘t you go get ready?“ Devana interjected. Velora nodded, then waved at the screen.
“See you guys soon!“
“Thank you,“ Devana said quietly when Velora had left, “I- Syldor has to work over the holidays, he‘s quite busy and I‘d rather have Velora out of the house, just so she‘s not too disappointed. And it always means a lot to her to spend time with you two, of course.“
Vax nodded “We‘ll love to have her.“ Seemed like Syldor still wouldn‘t step up as a proper father, even for his second chance kid. And to think that Velora was on her own in that big, lonely house. He‘d had Vex at least to keep him company.
“Your sister?“ Keyleth asked from the floor when Devana had disconnected the call.
“Yup.“
Vax hadn‘t seen much of her since they‘d been out the weekend before, since her disaster-looking kiss with Kash. He’d hated seeing them together like that, for reasons he didn’t really care to examine further. He‘d wanted to go check on her, afterward, but then he‘d lost his nerve at the last second. Who knew if she even wanted to see him? Also, he’d been badgered at that point, so maybe it wouldn’t have been a good idea anyways. And then Pike had taken over so he‘d never had a chance to ask her how she was doing. She looked fine now, completely taken by her plants. More than fine, actually, her hair loose over her shoulders, her hands covered in soil, fully focused on a large-leafed plant. This was her element, Vax could tell.
“Hey,“ Vax startled when Vex elbowed him in the side, none too gently, “Didn‘t you say you had work today?“ Vax checked the time on his phone.
“Shit, you‘re right.“

***

“How would you put this?“
“Sorry, what?“ Keyleth looked up from her laptop. They had moved into the essay writing phase of their group project. The essays were on the same godsforsaken topics as the presentation, but individually assigned, meaning that there was no real reason for them to work together, but Vax liked it better this way. It was fun to groan about work and bad source texts together, but it did also help to have someone to hold him accountable, make sure he actually did his work, so there was that. Vex sat at her desk, like a normal person, while him and Keyleth were currently sprawled on the floor in the middle of the room, him sitting cross-legged, Keyleth lying down in front of her laptop. It was almost like they had their own little island in a sea of open books, his loose notes, and Keyleth‘s neat, orderly revision sheets.
“Here,“ Vax read out a passage from the book hefted onto his lap, “What do you think? How can I put that so it doesn‘t sound like I copied it from the book?“
Keyleth glared at him over the edge of her laptop screen. “Vax’ildan, I think you need to do your own work.“
“You tell him,“ Vex said from her desk, “Vax, don‘t you dare make Keyleth do your shit for you.“ She heaved a positively melodramatic sigh. “Gods, why is Percy always busy? I swear, this is more fun when he‘s here too.“
Vax looked over to Keyleth who raised her eyebrows and they both had to stifle a laugh.
“Fun, yeah,“ Keyleth grinned, “That‘s Percy. Practically his middle name. Percy Fun De Rolo.“
“Actually, it‘s Frederick,“ Vex said dryly, “His middle name. And you know what I meant.“
Vax and Keyleth exchanged another glance. Middle name basis, was it now?
“Well, dearest sister,“ Vax said, pulling off his sweatshirt, “Looks like you‘ll have to make do with Keyleth and me. My condolences“
“Ass,“ Vex muttered.
“Oh,“ Vax found Keyleth‘s eyes fixed on him, “I didn’t know you had tattoos. This one matches Vex, right?“
Vax nodded, glancing down at the feather on his right shoulder, in the same place as Vex’s, though shaded in black where hers was just an outline.
“And this?“ Vax froze. Keyleth had scooted even closer to him, her finger lightly tracing the raven skull on his forearm. He didn’t think she‘d ever deliberately touched him like this, her fingers warm and calloused. His skin prickled, heat radiating from his arm, his face growing hot in turn. Suddenly, Keyleth snatched her hand back like she‘d singed her fingertips, blushing, probably even harder than Vax, the two of them staring at each other for a moment.
“It‘s the symbol of the Matron,“ Vax explained quickly, trying to downplay the awkward moment, “The, uh, the skull.“
“Oh?“ Keyleth looked up, surprised, “I didn‘t know you were religious.“
Vax shrugged. “Wouldn‘t say that I am. It‘s more that I looked to her a lot when our mum died, and it helped me to deal with it, knowing that she wasn‘t gone, she‘d just moved on. It’s more a source of comfort rather than actual faith. I also just think it‘s badass that the Matron is an ascended mortal. I always think that she must’ve had such an interesting life, that‘s it, really. How about you?“
“Well,“ Keyleth let herself fall down onto her back, eyes fixed on the ceiling. “In Zephrah, most people who are religious pray to the Wildmother or the Stormlord. Which makes sense, seeing as those of us who are casters are mostly druids, and, you know, Air Ashari, winds and storms and stuff, but really most of us worship either primordial powers or nature itself. They, well, we see it as like, no matter what version of events you believe when it comes to the founding of Exandria, nature was there before the gods, it’s eternal in a way the gods aren’t. Well, that’s some people’s opinion anyways,” she added with a small laugh, “But I am…you could say I’m faithless, and I can’t even remember the last time we visited a temple.”
Vax nodded. “That‘s nice. The nature thing, I mean. I don’t think I’ve ever thought about it that way. Also, while we‘re on the topic, can I ask what your tattoo means? Or is it just something pretty?“
“Bit of both,“ Keyleth smiled, “I do love how it looks, but it‘s another Ashari thing, too. Traditionally, the headmaster, the Voice of the Tempest, would wear really similar markings to carry their powers with them when they‘d be away, but now it‘s something quite a few of us have, especially those of us who‘ve left home, just as a reminder.“
“Wow,“ Vax shot her a smile, “This whole thing, the Ashari and your home and traditions mean a lot to you, don‘t they?“
“Oh, well, I guess so, yeah, uh,“ she turned back to her laptop.
Vax shot her a surprised look. He’d assumed, from all her talk of home and all the little ways she seemed to identify with it, that this was important to her, an integral part of who she was, but he had to admit that he didn‘t actually know. Maybe it wasn‘t quite as simple as that.
“Hey Vax?“ Vex suddenly asked. She‘d been glued to her phone for the past few minutes, only now looking up, “Dera texted me and asked if I, well we, would mind taking Aswin over Civilization’s Dawn because she has to work. She‘s really not that much older than Lori and I think they‘d get along, do you think she‘d mind?“
“What if I mind?“ Vax shot back, “Gods, Vex, you let that woman walk all over you, I‘ve never seen you act like this with anyone else.“
Vex glared at him. “It‘s not about Dera for fuck‘s sake, Vax. It‘s about Aswin and I‘m not fighting you on this. Can she come, yes or no?“
Vax felt a surge of annoyance. He was sick of Vex always prioritizing that woman, always jumping when told. Dera this, Aswin that.
“Sure thing,“ Vax said, fully aware of the barely restrained anger in his voice, “Take her, but I‘m not coming, then.“
“Fine by me. Hey, Keyleth, wanna come with me instead? Spend the day with two wonderful girls who I‘m sure would love you?“
“Um-,“ Keyleth seemed caught very off-guard, eyes nervously darting back and forth between Vax and Vex, “I- sure, uh.“ The more Vax and Vex glared at each other, the more Keyleth seemed to shrink into herself, trying to hide from the fighting. Still, she straightened back up, looked at Vex and said: “Yeah, thanks, I‘ll come along with you.“
“Wonderful,“ Vax muttered, slamming the door behind him as he left.

***

It‘d snow soon, Vax could smell it. The cold air was cutting through his arguably too thin coat, whipping his hair into his face.
They were slowly making their way across one of the big Emon town squares, Velora glued to Vex’s side, Percy a little awkwardly behind, and Aswin animatedly chattering at Keyleth. Keyleth was laughing, clearly enjoying the little girl‘s attention.
“Where were you this morning?“ Velora asked, “Vex picked me up all on her own.“ Vax had fully planned on being stubborn and leaving Vex and Keyleth alone with the girls, but then Vex had invited Percy to come along as well and after that, he really hadn‘t had a good reason to keep sulking.
“Sorry, honey, I had to work,“ Vax explained to Velora.
“I hope it wasn‘t too bad,“ Vex said, and Vax groaned. “I don‘t want to talk about it.“
Keyleth threw him a questioning look, so Vax explained: “Remember Gil and his family‘s store? They usually get me to help out in the front during holidays when it‘s really busy and it‘s the worst. Somehow, all the most entitled, awful people in all of Tal‘Dorei think that the morning of a national holiday is the perfect time to go shopping.“
Keyleth laughed. “That sounds horrible. I bet you handle it just fine, though. Everyone loves you.“
“Is that so?“ Vax raised an eyebrow, and Keyleth immediately flushed pink.
“You know what I meant.“
Maybe, Vax thought half an hour later, maybe this hadn‘t been a great idea. Keyleth and Percy had formed their own little group and were hanging back a few steps. Vax couldn’t exactly blame them. This had to be kind of awkward for them, intruders on someone else’s family trip. Not that it was a very happy family trip, either. Aswin and Velora were barely talking. Vax had met Aswin before and knew her as a confident, headstrong little girl. Now she had turned suddenly shy, not leaving Vex’s side, while Velora hung on to Vax, clearly disappointed that she couldn‘t have her big sister all to herself, hugging Bug, her stuffed Owlbear, to her chest. Still, Vex was trying her best to make it a good day out for everyone, stopping at the little booths lining the street, playing games with the girls and trying to get the rest of them to join, too. Percy briefly became the group hero by winning a big, fuzzy stuffed bear at some shooting game booth. Vax found himself surprised at how much easy confidence Percy had with even the shitty little carnival pellet gun. Then again, he could‘ve known Percy could shoot, seeing as he was a weaponry designer.
Aswin and Velora started immediately squabbling over the bear stuffy, but Percy, suddenly awkward and flushing a little, gave it to Vex. “This is for you,“ he said, before quickly returning to Keyleth, leaving Vex to stare after him. Vax was half tempted to tease his sister but Vex looked genuinely flustered by Percy‘s admittedly awkward display of affection, tips of her long ears quite red, absentmindedly hugging the bear to herself.
“Vax?“ Velora was tugging on his sleeve, taking his attention off of Vex, “Can we get food somewhere? I‘m really hungry.“
Vax, who had been running around Gilmore’s Glorious Goods all morning, was ravenous himself, so all of them went to find some small, cozy and completely overrun sandwich shop just off the crowded main road.
“Wick‘s!“ Aswin exclaimed, skipping two steps ahead, her big head of honey brown curls bouncing with her as she went, “My momma takes me there sometimes!“
Vax would‘ve chosen something else, he thought as they all squeezed into a booth, something where you got food with a little more substance for a little less money. But then again, Gil‘s parents had paid him a very nice bonus for working extra today and all in all, Vex and him really weren‘t doing that badly, money wise, so maybe they deserved to splurge on overpriced sandwiches every now and then.
“Percy?“ Aswin had already demolished her grilled cheese and was now stealing Percy‘s chips, while obviously trying to distract him.
“Yes?“
“You know Vex and Vax from school, right?“ It was really amusing, watching Aswin trying to look as innocent as possible, while Percy was just watching her picking chips off his plate.
“I do.“
“What do you do there? Is it the same thing Vex and Vax do?“
Percy smiled. In his crisp white shirt and neatly styled hair, he looked almost comically out of place on the patterned booth seat. “No, actually. I do chemistry and engineering.“
“And what do you do with that? Engineering, I mean.“
“Well,“ Percy had finished his sandwich and pushed the plate of leftover chips over to Aswin, who beamed up at him, “Basically, I draw things, and then I use maths and physics to make sure they actually work the way I want them to.“
“That‘s cool. Show me.“
Vax laughed quietly to himself at Aswin unapologetically bossing Percy around. Percy complied, fishing a pen out of his coat‘s pocket and starting to doodle on one of the napkins. Upside down at least, it looked like a very simplified version of the complex, technical drawings Vax had seen around his apartment. Aswin, wide-eyed, chips completely forgotten, seemed enraptured by it. She traced the drawing with her finger, kept asking questions that Percy answered patiently.
He was, Vax noticed, quite good with kids. It was sweet, really. Or could have been, until Vax remembered that, actually, Percy had been a big brother to four younger siblings once.
Vax really didn‘t know how Percy dealt with it, every day. Vax had known loss in his life, more than many other people his age. He knew grief, knew how it tore at your very core sometimes, how it tried to pull you under, smother you in darkness, made you rot from the inside, threatening to take away everything that made you yourself. And yet, none of it came close to the magnitude of loss Percy had gone through, was likely still going through.
Mood suddenly soured, Vax turned away, just to face Velora, who had just started talking to him. “…Also, Daddy‘s really busy,“ she was just saying, “But Mummy says that‘s because he takes really good care of us and when he’s not, he reads books with me or we go take a boat ride on the lake, and he buys me hot chocolate. Sometimes he isn‘t home for a week, and then I really miss him.“ She paused. “You and Vex are never home, don‘t you really miss him?“
“Uh, well.“ Vax didn’t know what to say. He was happy that Velora had a good home in Syngorn and didn’t feel neglected like he‘d feared she might, but somehow, it made him hate Syldor even more. In some ways, it would have been easier to accept the way he had treated them knowing he was just an asshole who couldn’t be bothered to give a shit about anyone except himself. But here it was, the living, breathing proof that he had the capacity to be a good, loving father if he wanted to. Vex and Vax just hadn‘t been enough.
Suddenly, he felt the press of a knee against his thigh and when he looked over, he saw Keyleth, concern in her eyes. Only now, seeing how she looked at him, did he realize how much he had tensed up, hands balled into a fist on the table. Exhaling slowly, Vax tried his best to relax, unclenching his fingers. Still, Keyleth left her leg there, right against his, strangely comforting. He gave her a small, thankful smile that she returned, then looking away.
Thanks to his lack of an answer, Velora had lost interest in talking to Vax and was now watching Vex and Percy who were talking about one of Vex’s econ courses, eyes curiously flicking back and forth between them.
“Vax?“ She suddenly asked very, very quietly.
“Hm?“
“Vex and Percy, are they in love? Is he her boyfriend?“
Vax couldn‘t help but grin because lately, he‘d been wondering just that. “I don‘t know, honey,“ he told Velora, “I think you need to ask her that yourself.“

The sun was setting slowly, ribbons of scarlet, fiery ambers and vibrant pinks and purples casting a deep golden glow over the big Central Park in Emon.
They were sitting under a big oak, waiting for the bonfires, the heart and soul of the Civilization Dawn‘s celebrations, to start. Trying to entertain two little girls who had definitively had too much sugar was a challenge, to put it mildly, especially as the wait grew longer. “You guys could play catch,” Vex suggested in a desperate attempt to get Velora and Aswin to use up their pent-up energy at least some. Vax knew he should do something, help Vex entertain them, play with them, but he couldn‘t stop glancing over at Keyleth. She was talking to Percy, laughing, and he was aching to inch over, just be near her. There was something about this light, too. Dusk turned her hair into a waterfall of molten copper flowing and falling down her shoulders. Looking at her like this, eyes bright, cheeks ever so slightly flushed, Vax almost felt like she glowed from the inside and he struggled to keep his eyes off, wanting to preserve this moment, her looking this happy and at peace and so fucking beautiful.
“You’re in!” Vax startled, hard, heart jumping into his throat as Velora slapped his shoulder from behind and immediately sped off in the opposite direction, squealing, Aswin right on her heels. To overplay just how zoned out he’d been, he got to his feet and broke into a light jog, only halfheartedly trying to catch up the girls, who immediately raced off in opposite directions, laughing, taunting him.
“Giant snail! Giant snail incoming!” Aswin shrieked from behind the tree before taking off again and… Phump.
Aswin’s shoe caught on a root, sending her sprawling on the ground face down faster than Vax could react. Vex was by her side immediately. “Alright, now, let’s see, it’s okay, darling, it’s fine.”
As Vax made his way over to them, Aswin started crying properly. He could see her pants had ripped over her knee, smeared with blood and dirt. She had also scuffed her chin and palms, blood slowly starting to seep through the scrapes. Vex was trying her best to console Aswin, Percy hanging a few steps back with Velora, both of them watching with concern.
Just as Vax stepped up to Vex, Keyleth fell into step next to him. She was clutching damp-glistening moss in both hands. “Hey, Aswin,” she asked quietly, kneeling down besides the little girl, “I- Would you mind me taking a look at that?”
Aswin just nodded, and to Vax’s surprise, Keyleth started tightly packing the moss onto Aswin’s knee. She kept her hand on it and murmured something. Suddenly, a soft green glow washed over both of them, just a moment, there and then gone. Aswin gasped. “It doesn’t hurt anymore! How did you do that?”
“Just a little something I can do,” Keyleth smiled, peeling the moss off of Aswin’s leg. Vax saw that the cut was healed completely, hadn’t even left a scar.
Aswin stared at it, fascinated, running her finger over her knee where the cut had been, carefully, like it was just an illusion that might break any second. “Whoa, that’s really cool.”
“Right?” Vax squatted down next to them, while Keyleth was repeating the process on Aswins’s other scuffs. “Keyleth’s pretty cool, don’t you think?”
Velora had trotted up to them as well. “Can you show more?” she asked, eyes wide. Keyleth, already flustered, blushed even more.
“I- well, I don’t…”
Shit, maybe that had been too much. Vax just wanted to be encouraging, make Keyleth believe in herself a little more, but maybe he was doing just the opposite.
“Here,” Keyleth reached up both hands and from the tree above them curled a curtain of vines, thick and vibrant green with big white flowers, enclosing them in a dimly lit, emerald gazebo. While Velora was running her hands through the vines and Aswin attempted to rope-climb up one of them, Vax picked a few of the smaller flowers off and tucked them safely into his pocket. He wasn’t sure why, just wanted a keepsake of this day, a little reminder of Keyleth’s magic.
With a small hand gesture, Keyleth made the vines curl upwards and disappear. Immediately, the girls were back by her side, talking over each other. “What else can you do?” “Where did you learn that?” “Can you show something else!”
Vax watched them cling to Keyleth and look up at her with so much raw adoration. With just a little magic, she had become their hero, and he couldn’t help but smile at it. Keyleth might not appreciate herself very much, but other people did so, and Vax was determined to keep showing her just that.
Keyleth laughed awkwardly. “Well, I do learn most of that at college, it’s kind of what I do, druid magic and, well, there’s a lot of things I know how to do, but a lot of my spells need preparation and that’s really complicated and… Oh,” she lit up a little, “There’s one other really cool thing I can do!”
Vax watched her close her eyes and take a deep breath. From one moment to another, the air around her seemed to swirl, pulling into itself. Next thing he knew, Keyleth was gone. Instead, a little squirrel, red like Keyleth’s hair, was skittering around on the ground. Vax had never seen her use Wildshape before, but he was fascinated. The squirrel clambered up his jacket and settled onto his shoulder. He could feel her claws digging into his shoulder, not exactly painful but definitely weird. He carefully ran one finger down its back, along the soft fur, while keeping a close eye on it. He knew that it was technically still Keyleth inside the animal’s body, and he wasn’t sure if she liked being touched like that, but the squirrel kept its eyes locked onto him and made a chattering sound, so he reckoned it was fine. Velora and Aswin didn’t seem to share those inhibitions.
“This is so cute! I’ve never seen one up that close!” Velora exclaimed. Aswin nodded and immediately, they had their hands all over the little animal, scratching its head, fluffing up the bushy tail. Vax could feel the squirrel twitch on his shoulder, Keyleth’s mind fighting a losing battle against her form’s animal instincts. Vax was about to intervene, but he was interrupted by Vex strolling over to them.
“Girls look,” she pointed to the bonfires in the distance. Small flames were now licking at the bottom parts of the big, central burn pile and Vax knew it’d grow into a roaring fire in no time.
Keyleth the squirrel forgotten, the girls jumped up. “I’ll race you!” Aswin didn’t even wait for Velora’s answer before running off, Vex and Velora right behind her.
In one fluid motion, the squirrel pushed off Vax’s shoulder and turned back into Keyleth mid-jump.
“Ah, should’ve known.” Keyleth patted her hair, trying to get it to lie flat. It wasn’t too badly messed up, but Vax could definitely see the traces of four little girl hands wreaking havoc in it. “Would you fix the back for me?”
Vax stepped behind her, then carefully ran his fingers through her hair, smoothing it out. It was fine, thinner than his own and soft between his fingers.
“Wait,” he said, “Hey, turn around for me?” She did, and he pulled one of the flowers from his pocket. Gently, he tucked it into her hair, careful to barely touch her, fingers lightly brushing her cheek. Keyleth’s eyes flickered down, but she didn’t pull away. Fuck, she stood close enough that even in this dim light, he could have counted her freckles. And yet, it wasn’t close enough, he wanted more, wanted… “We should catch up with the others.” Even to himself, his voice sounded hoarse, and he had to swallow hard against the lump in his throat as Keyleth nodded.
“Yup, we, uh, yeah, probably.”
They walked over the campfire in silence, but it was a comfortable one, or at least Vax felt that way. He noticed Keyleth kept touching the flower, adjusting it in her hair to show I off more. It sparked something in Vax’s chest, bright and warm. Not that that meant anything. She was just a very pretty girl he felt drawn to, physically. Alright, he was very drawn to her, that much he could admit, he thought about touching her more than he probably should, always hyper aware of those little moments of accidental contact. Still, that’s all there was all there was to it. Attraction didn’t necessitate feelings.

They spent about an hour hanging around one of the smaller bonfires off to the side. The girls got to play some more silly carnival games, the rest of them squeezed onto one of the log seats by the fire, talking occasionally, but mostly staring into the flames.
Later, Vex bought hot chocolate for all of them, a more than welcome way to keep the cold at bay, biting through all their clothes every time they stepped away from the bonfire a little. Vax noticed that Vex got adult cocoa, spiked with a nice, spiced rum for herself, Vax and Percy, but not for Keyleth. Whether Vex had declared Keyleth the residential responsible adult who had to stay sober or whether she, too, seemed to remember the weekend before, and that Keyleth shouldn’t be trusted with alcohol, he didn’t know.
The evening grew later, and as many of the booths closed up shop and the celebrations started to wind down just a little, everyone seemed to gather around the central burn pile. Better late than never, Vax remembered that traditionally, there was a big dance around the bonfire, closing out the festivities. He wasn’t too keen on participating, but the girls and Keyleth somehow managed to drag them all into it. It wasn’t a complicated dance. You just grabbed the two people next to you and spun around the fire, jaunty violin music tinnily blaring from a small speaker off to the side. It reminded Vax of home, of midsummer celebrations in Byroden, him and Vex with flowers they’d braided into each other’s hair, the sickly-sweet scent of hay in the warm summer air, music, dancing with the other kids long past bed time. Vax made it through a few rounds, Velora hanging on to his left hand, Vex to his right, until he felt like he might throw up if he had to see the fire blur past one more time, too warm and too bright, the smoke stinging in his throat.
He broke out of the circle, stumbling a few feet backwards, and dropped down onto one of the seats. Velora looked over her shoulder eyes searching for him but turned back when she spotted him.
“Vax’ildan, hello.”
Vax looked up and saw the tall, slender woman who had sat down next to him. With her light brown hair in a braid down her back, Derowen looked remarkably like her daughter Aswin, save for her ears, round and human where Aswin’s had the pointed tips of a half-elf.
“Dera.”
“It’s good to see you. Your sister didn’t tell me you’d be here today.” Vex had once told him that Derowen was from Jorenn, a small town way up in the Umbra Hills north east of both Syngorn and Emon and her voice had a soft, but notable lilt to it.
“Change of plans,” Vax said, voice clipped, “Aswin is still dancing, I’m sure she’ll be done soon.”
“Oh, that’s fine,” Derowen shot him a small smile, “I’m not in a rush, just…”
“Momma!” Aswin had broken out of the dance circle and flew into her mother’s arms.
“Hey, sweetie, how was your day? Did you have fun with Vex?” Aswin immediately started babbling. “I played this ring toss game and Velora was really good at it and she got fifteen points but then I got sixteen! So I won a bag of candy almonds and Velora was really sad, so we shared the almonds and also Percy won a bear and I tripped but Vex’s friend healed my knee and now it doesn’t hurt at all anymore and she turned into a squirrel!” Vax wasn’t sure if Aswin had breathed even once. Derowen smoothed over Aswin’s hair, smiled, and nodded.
“That sounds really nice, love. Where is Vex?”
“Over there!” Aswin pointed over to Vex, Velora, Keyleth and Percy who were just walking over to them.
“Great.” Derowen made her way over, and Vax saw her exchange a few words with Vex, before collecting Aswin and taking off with her.
“I think I’ll be off too,” Percy said the second Derowen had left, “I’m meeting my sister for dinner. Have a good rest of your night.”
Now down to the four of them, Vex said: “Lori, darling, what do you say we’ll be on our way as well?”
Velora nodded. “Bye Keyleth! Bye Vax!”
Vax laughed. “Come here, big girl.” Squatting down, he pulled Velora into a hug.
“I’ll miss you,” she said quietly.
“I’ll miss you too,” Vax replied, “Call sometimes, alright?”

“Just the two of us, huh?” Vax grinned a couple of minutes later.
“Just us,” Keyleth repeated with a small smile, “Whew, it’s a lot quieter without the little ones around, isn’t it.”
Vax laughed. “Tell me about it.” Him and Keyleth were walking through the park and Vax was steering them back towards one of the smaller bonfires rather than back to campus. He wasn’t quite ready for the night to be over yet, for them to return to their rooms and not see each other for the next few days.
When they got close to a less busy fire, Keyleth sat down, knees drawn up too her chest and tipped her head back. “Oh! Look, there, can you see The Coins? You can only see them during winter, and they’re still kind of faint, but that’s the first time I’ve seen them this season!“
“Look at me,” Vax grinned, sitting down next to her, “Had the best fucking tutors in all of Syngorn torturing me through star chart after star chart and yet, Surrac’s Shield is the only constellation I can usually find.” He pointed to the stars, a four-pointed diamond and a fifth, brighter star in the middle, arguably Tal’Dorei’s most recognizable star pattern, “You’re probably better off talking to Vex about that kind of stuff.”
“The Coins are more difficult to see here,” Keyleth conceded, “Zephrah’s night sky is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen, but Emon has really bad light pollution. Here, look, do you see Ruidus?” Vax nodded. The ruddy red moon was nowhere near its zenith, low hanging over the horizon like an overripe apple. “Right, now, go straight up from Ruidus, see that bright star directly above it?”
“No.”
Keyleth sighed, then grabbed Vax’s wrist, guiding his hand. “There, right there.”
“Oh, that one,” Vax laughed, “Yes I see it now.”
“Good,” Keyleth smiled but held on to his wrist, her fingers warm on his skin. “Now, see the ones around it? See how they look like three coins overlapping?” Vax nodded.
“Yes, actually, it’s really pretty.”
“It is, right? They’re the Changebringer‘s symbol.“ She showed him a few more, including The Shell and The General, and though Vax barely recognized any, he was enjoying it.
There was something about this version of Keyleth he felt even more drawn to than normal. The way she explained things with such passion, eyes bright, confident about her knowledge made it almost hard for him to take in any words, eyes glued to her lips, to the way her fingers fidgeted with her hair. He wanted to touch her, caress her face like he had earlier. He forced himself to look away, overwhelmed with his own idiotic desire.
When he looked back up, his eyes met Keyleth’s. “Vax, can-can I ask you something?” She asked.
Vax nodded, not fully trusting himself to speak.
“So, I’ve been wondering a little, what’s up with you and Vex and… Syngorn? Because, the way you talk about, you know, your childhood, but also the city, it’s like it’s horrible there? But then Velora doesn’t seem to mind living there? And? I don’t know,” she suddenly sounded embarrassed, “Sorry, it’s not really any of my business anyways.”
Vax wrapped his arms around himself. “It’s… We didn’t always live there, you know? Vex and I grew up pretty far to the south, near the Rifenmist. It was always just us two and our mum, we never even knew our dad, barely even knew of him. Until he started this wicked custody battle with our mum out of nowhere when we were, gods, nine, maybe? Claiming that, as our father, he had the right to see us. And then as soon as he got visitation rights, he convinced our mum to let us move to Syngorn. I don’t… I don’t really blame her for letting him take us. She wasn’t rich and Byroden is a bit of a dump and Syngorn does have better schools, better opportunities, that much is true. She thought she was doing the right thing for sure.” He paused. “Did you notice that Lori is fully elven?”
Keyleth nodded.
“Yeah, that… Syngorn is awful, to people like us, that is. Half-breeds, they call us, Othlír.”
“Ill-born,” Keyleth translated the elvish word, “Wow that’s terrible, I didn’t know that.”
Vax nodded. “It started small, our father not taking us out, getting us private tutors instead of sending us to school. And at first, we mistook it for compassion or maybe even kindness. We thought he wanted to keep us safe by keeping us in the house, or that he wanted us to catch up with the kids our age before sending us to school. But after a while, we realized what it really was. He was embarrassed. We were his little charity project, his ill-born swamp children he took in out of the goodness of his heart, but no one else could see us, no one else could know.
“And then, it got worse, of course when we started school. Not that I went much anyways, but I know it was awful for Vex. The other kids bullied us, called us names, you know the drill and the teachers were always so much stricter with us than with every other kid. With our father too, nothing we did was ever good enough. And it was almost like to him, every failure was just more proof that it was something fundamentally wrong with us, that something about our human blood tainted us in a way that not even the finest schools could fix. He barely acknowledged us anyways at that point, leaving us to fend for ourselves. He only really talked to us when he had to scold us for whatever perceived mistake.
“Well, and then our mum died in a house fire when we were thirteen and Syldor didn’t even bother telling us for weeks. I-,” he cleared his throat, “Sorry, that part, I don’t want to talk about. Anyways, he married Devana not much later and when they had Lori, Vex and I knew it was time to leave, I think. We were just about to turn sixteen then, and it’s not like Syldor gave a fuck anyways now that he had his perfect, elven daughter. So, we just… went. Dropped out of school, returned to Byroden, collected what was left of our mum’s estate, and then just worked, went were the winds took us for a few years and well,” he shrugged, “Now we’re here and it’s been working out for us so far.”
“Oh- Oh, Vax, that‘s awful.“
“Hm“
“Hey.“ Keyleth scooted over to him, their shoulders almost touching. Head tilted, she looked up at him, the firelight catching her eyes and the soft curve of her cheeks, her nose. “I‘m sorry that happened to you.“ Her voice was quiet, sincere.
“I-,“ Vax let out a laugh, “It‘s fine. It was a long time ago.” And, he realized, somewhere in between leaving Syngorn eight odd years ago and this moment, sitting at the fire with Keyleth, it had become true. It was fine. Vex and him had survived Syngorn, and over time, the scars had faded. The memories were still there, dark and unpleasant, but it didn‘t hurt anymore to think about them, not the way it once had. He didn‘t know whether Vex felt the same way, and something told him that she didn‘t, but he was well on his way to making peace with it.
But there was something else, too. He had just told Keyleth about some of his worst, most private memories, something he wouldn‘t afford to just anyone. He didn‘t think he‘d told Thorn even half of it, but there was something about Keyleth that just put him at ease. He felt comfortable around her, had been from the day he‘d met her in hers and Vex’s room. Add that to the way he craved touching her, the way he wanted to make her laugh, the way she made his heart flutter and he got very close to realizing something very uncomfortable. Shit. Shit.
“Hey, it‘s getting pretty frosty, do you want to head back?“
“Uh, sure?“ Keyleth gave him a confused look, but he just shrugged. He needed some distance, to sort out his feelings.

Chapter Text

The weather was truly nasty, Keyleth thought. Over Civilization’s Dawn, just two weeks ago, it’d still felt like fall, cold, sure, but in that crisp, sunny way Keyleth loved. Now, icy cold rain was lashing across her face, wind tearing at her hair and sweater. The straps of her backpack were digging into her shoulders and the books she was carrying, clutched tightly against her body, were sure to get soaked before she got anywhere. She‘d have to prep a mending spell tonight to get them fixed before class tomorrow. Head bent low, Keyleth had to look up for a moment to push the damp strands of her from her face. She was a few steps away from the big science building, a big, modern glass and steel complex standing out like a sore thumb against the older brick buildings. Then, coming down the steps, she spotted a familiar figure, tall and lean, long blue coat and windswept light hair, several poster rolls clamped under his arm.
“Percy! Over here!“ She sprinted up the steps, feet splashing in the puddles.
“Keyleth, hi.“ Percy smiled, “I was on my way to get lunch, if you want to come?“
“Sure, I have a class in, like, an hour but if we don’t go too far from campus it should be fine.“
Percy chose a café they‘d been to a couple of times before, a little pricier than Keyleth and her tight budget plan would have liked, but as long as she didn‘t go too often it was fine. Probably.
“So,“ Keyleth asked, “What were you doing on campus? I thought you were supposed to be at your fancy work placement?“
Percy was slowly and methodically wiping up his wet, fogged up glasses. “I, uh, got an extension on a paper last semester because… it’s not really important, but I need to submit that now even though I‘m technically not in class right now. So, you know, I had a meeting with my advisor, grabbed some of my stuff.“
Keyleth nodded. “How‘s the placement been? Is that one annoying guy still there?“
Percy shook his head. “Well, he is, but they transferred him to a different department, probably because he is utterly incompetent.“
Keyleth laughed. ”Sounds like it served him right.“
“Sure. How, uh, how‘ve you been? I know you had some classes that were quite stressful?“
“Hm, yeah,“ Keyleth nodded, “I- It‘s been good, actually? Like, not amazing or anything but my anxiety‘s gotten a little better and my performance, too… Well, there‘s probably a correlation there, so, uh, yeah, ton of work, obviously, but I‘m actually enjoying it!“
“Lovely…“
Keyleth raised an eyebrow. “Percy, are you, like, okay? You‘re kinda weird and quiet.“
“Yes? Yes, everything is just fine. Sorry.“
“Percy,“ Keyleth sighed, “You tell me that I can talk to you all the time, that it‘s okay to ask for help. Same goes for you, you know that, right?“
Percy made an impatient sound. “Yes, yes, alright Keyleth, fine, I‘m not okay. Very much not, actually.“ He took a long sip of his coffee, then he said: “It would‘ve been Julius‘ twenty-sixth birthday last week and… Cassie and I had dinner together and I haven‘t really been doing well since.“ He gave her a sad little smile, “It‘s hard. Every godsdamn counsellor tells you that grief isn’t linear, but I still feel like I shouldn‘t be struggling this much, it‘s been so long now. And sometimes, I‘m alright, really, but on anniversaries it always hits me, and it starts hurting all over again, so, yes it‘s been a little hard since then.“
“Oh gods Percy,“ Keyleth said quietly, “I‘m sorry. It‘s… Sorry. For not being there for you, too.“
Percy let out a dry laugh. “It‘s fine, I don‘t expect you to remember the birthdays of all my dead siblings. And… Well, it‘s not like I‘ve been alone, either. I‘ve been spending a lot of time with Vex and, Keyleth, I think I really like her. She just understands me so well. Not, well, I mean you‘re one of my best friends, it‘s not…“
“Oh, don‘t worry about it! It’s totally fine I understand.“
“It‘s… You comfort me. And you‘re great at it, truly, if I needed comfort I‘d come to you.“
Keyleth couldn‘t help but smile. “That‘s nice.“
“But sometimes, I don’t need comfort. Sometimes I need to be angry and bitter and spiteful, and I feel like Vex understands that in a way no one else I‘ve ever met does.“
“That‘s wonderful for you,“ Keyleth smiled, “So… You and Vex, huh?“
Percy actually flushed a little. “Yes?“
“Are you…You know?“
Percy shook his head. “No, not really. Well, not yet anyways, but I feel like it might be going there? We just… We‘ve been spending a lot of time together, she‘s at my place quite a lot, we talk, or we just study, on our own, or together. We cook together a lot and… It‘s just very nice.“
Keyleth had noticed that Vex had been spending a lot more time away recently, but until now, she hadn‘t known where her roommate disappeared to. Mystery solved. She grinned.
“I‘m so happy for you guys, for real. You… you really seem happier around her, and I‘ll have you know that she talks about you all the time.“
“That‘s… really? Wow.“ Percy seemed downright lost for words. After a pause he asked: “Do you think Vax will brutally murder me if I… you know? I don’t think he likes me very much.“
Keyleth let out a laugh. “He might! Okay, no, actually. I think he‘s quite protective over Vex in general, but I see how he looks at you two. If she‘s happy so is he, so… Well, I‘d try not to hurt Vex if I were you, but other than that.“
“Oh I wouldn‘t worry about that,“ Percy said dryly, “If I hurt Vex I doubt I‘ll be alive long enough for Vax to even find me.“
“That… Yeah, you might be right, actually.“ Laughing, Keyleth’s eye happened to fall onto the big, wall-mounted clock.
“Shit, shit I‘m late for class, can you get the bill? I‘ll pay you back I promise!“

Keyleth arrived at the greenhouse out of breath from running the entire way, soaking wet, and somehow shivering and sweaty at the same time. Gods, she was out of shape.
“Keyleth.“ Professor Ellis gave her a cool smile, “Thank you for deigning to join us, finally.“
Keyleth looked down, face burning. She usually made it a point to be on time and being singled out for being late like this was her personal nightmare.
“If you already insist on interrupting my lesson by being late, why don’t you start us off with demonstrating your Plant Growth?“
Almost instantly, her still racing heart jumped to her throat, now hammering so hard that black spots started to blot out her vision. She couldn‘t breathe she‘d pass out right here in front of everyone. “I- O-okay.“ Keyleth stepped into the middle. Gods, lunch had been a bad idea, she felt sick, she‘d throw up. No, no. Stop. She was spiraling. Yes, Plant Growth was an advanced spell, but she had practiced. Keyleth took a deep breath, focused and… whoosh. The plants around her seemed to spring to life, growing into a wild, untamed thicket.
“Alright, thank you.“ Professor Ellis ushered Keyleth to the side, where she sank onto one of the chairs, a giddy rush overtaking her. No one spared her a second glance, and why would they? Getting the spell right on the first try wasn‘t anything special, not to them at least. Keyleth, though, felt exceptionally proud of herself. Despite being put on the spot and panicking, she‘d been able to cast a pretty advanced spell, in front of an audience no less. Briefly, the thought entered her brain that it was a little pathetic to be this proud of something that was normal for everyone else, but no. For her, this was an accomplishment, no matter how much further along everyone else was. She was okay.
“Alright, who‘s next?“ Professor Ellis stepped into the middle, casting Dispel Magic and Keyleth watched her magically transmuted plants shrink back down to size. As she watched the next few students go, she felt her adrenaline ebb off, accompanied by a slowly building, pounding headache. Still, she was fine, she‘d done okay and that was more important than anything else.

***

“Hey Keyleth?“
Keyleth looked up and over at Vex who was curled up on her bed with her laptop. “Yeah?“
“I‘m off in a bit, and Vax wanted to come by and pick up some books. I have them here,” she pointed to the neatly stacked pile of textbooks next to her bed, “They‘re somewhere in there. Can you tell him in case he can‘t find them? I mean,“ she paused, “I assume you‘ll be here?“
Keyleth laughed. “Vex I have, like, no hobbies. Yes, I‘ll be here. I‘m always here. Also are you, per chance, going to Percy‘s?“
Vex grinned. “Finally figured it out, have you, darling? Yes, I am. We‘re getting really close, sort of,“ she paused, “That‘s okay with you, right?“
Keyleth gave her a puzzled look.
“I just mean, well, I know you two are close and he sees you like a sister, I just…“
Keyleth shrugged. “Okay and? You make him happy, that‘s really all that matters to me. And also, it‘s not like you care who Vax dates, is it?“
“Eh, I definitely used to, but I’ve realized that it’s not my place and besides, it‘s not like he listens to me anyway, so why bother? I do have my thoughts on all his exes, as does he on mine, I think but, you know.“
“Yeah?“ Keyleth asked, “Like what?“ She felt a little bad for prying, but she couldn’t help but be curious about the kinds of people Vax dated.
Vex grinned and shut her laptop, sitting up against the wall, facing Keyleth. “Take Thorn, for example. I think Vax met him at some kind of orientation event our first week here. Him and Vax are a lot alike in a lot of ways, Thorn is also half-elven, he‘s queer, he‘s had a bit of a shitty childhood, the works. Vax was really stoked to find someone so similar and within, like, a week he was convinced that Thorn was the love of his life. They got together, but since they barely knew each other, surprise, surprise, they started fighting all the time and then had a really ugly breakup that really hurt Vax, I think. He also had this girlfriend in Syngorn, same story. And then there was Gil. We met him when we first moved here, long before we started uni, and the three of us became friends. Him and Vax were always a bit closer than me and him, and obviously, Vax really cared about him. Honestly, I always thought they’d be good together, but I never thought their flirtation was anything serious at all and suddenly, kind of out of nowhere, Vax decided that, actually, he was super in love with Gil and after they started dating, he realized that actually, he wasn‘t. At least that’s the only reason I can think of why he’d drop him again after only a few months together. I‘m just glad they managed to stay friends. It‘s just, you know, he likes to think of himself as a flirt, but really, he‘s just someone who gives his heart away way too easily and then gets hurt. But I stay out of that now. He‘s an adult, if he wants to make stupid choices, who am I to stop him, really?“
Keyleth hadn‘t known that. She knew Vax as a flirt, had never considered him to be the kind of person who wore their heart on their sleeve and got hurt as a result. Maybe she didn‘t know him very well after all. “I feel like he flirts with me,“ she finally said, “It‘s -I mean, am I making that up?“
Vex laughed. “No, you‘ve got it right, he definitely does. But, like I said, don‘t take it too seriously, that‘s just what he does. And trust me, even if he does have a crush on you, he‘ll get over it pretty quickly. I mean, you don’t like him, do you?“
“Uh, no?“ Only while saying it, she realized that she‘d never really thought about it like that. She had to admit, she‘d grown to kind of enjoy it when he flirted with her. It still flustered her a little, but it didn‘t make her nervous anymore, not the way it had in the beginning, or with Kash. She‘d never really had a crush, but she was pretty sure that that wasn‘t what was going on with Vax. She felt comfortable around him, so much so that she sought his company, something her introverted self didn‘t experience often. He made her laugh and yeah, it was flattering to be flirted with. But it wasn’t like she’d ever seriously thought about anything more than friendship with him. Yeah, he was a friend, that was all.
“See,“ Vex said, “Nothing to worry about, then. By the way, don’t be scared to tell him off if it gets too much. Anyways, I‘m off to Percy‘s now, see you.“

A knock on the door made Keyleth startle. She put her book down, turned her music off. “Yeah?“
“Hey,“ Vax pushed inside.
“You here for your books?“ Keyleth asked.
Vax yawned. “Yup.“ He hopped onto Keyleth‘s bed and grabbed her book. “Any good? I think I‘ve seen people talk about that online.“
Keyleth laughed. “Yeah, me too. That‘s why I bought it, and, I mean, it‘s romance, right? I guess it‘s fine for what it is, I just usually read… other stuff.“ She gestured towards the shelf over her bed, piled high with thick, well-loved books, creased spines and all, “You know, more like adventure books, so this feels very low stakes, but it‘s fun.“
Vax wasn‘t really listening anymore. Instead, he had pulled one of her other books from the pile and was flicking through it. “You write in them,“ he noted, a grin tugging at his lips.
“Oh,“ Keyleth blushed. “Yeah, some of them. This one‘s one of my favorites, so.“ Vax looking at all her favorite paragraphs, underlined, her thoughts scribbled into the margins felt a little like baring her soul to him. Not in a bad way necessarily, but still personal.
Vax hopped off her bed and began rifling to Vex’s stuff. “Next to her bed,“ Keyleth directed him.
“Oh yeah, thanks.“ He dropped the stack of books onto Keyleth’s messy desk and then got back onto her bed. “Do you want to do something?“ He asked, “I don’t know, watch a movie or something?“
Keyleth shrugged. “Sure.” It was funny, she thought, after her conversation with Vex, she had half expected it to be weird or maybe awkward between her and Vax, but it felt just like it always did. She liked being around him, nothing feeling different at all.
Vax sighed. “Okay, actually, we probably shouldn‘t. I mean, I didn’t come to pick up the stupid books for no reason. I really need to study, actually.“ He groaned. “But I‘ve been to work, then to class and then back to work and I just don’t want to.“
“Well,“ Keyleth hesitated, “I mean, our sociology class tomorrow got cancelled, so you‘d have some extra time tomorrow to catch up? Maybe you deserve a break.“ Keyleth laughed, “Take that with a grain of salt, though. I don‘t think I’d take that advice if someone gave it to me.“
“Oh, no, Keyleth you‘re so wise,“ Vax deadpanned, “I‘m definitely listening to you. What do you want to watch?“
“I really don’t mind, you pick!“ Keyleth said quickly. She barely watched movies, not new ones anyways. There was something comforting about watching the same handful of movies over and over again, but Vax didn’t need to know that.
Vax lightly elbowed her into the side. “Come one, Keylie, that‘s no fun. We have to pick together.“
Keyleth cringed. “Can-can you not call me Keylie, maybe? Sorry, I know it‘s the most obvious nickname, but, uh, I don‘t like it very much? Sorry.“ The only person who called her Keylie was her dad and the last thing she wanted was to be reminded of him every time she spent time with Vax.
“Oh gods, don‘t apologize,“ Vax blurted out, “I‘m the one who should say sorry, I should have asked first. Is there any nickname you‘d like better?“
Keyleth considered for a moment. “My mom used to call me Kiki, I think I‘d like that more.“
Vax smiled. “That‘s nice. Now, Kiki, what‘s your favorite movie?“
“Alright, alright. It‘s stupid though, okay? It‘s one I watched with my mom when I was little, so it‘s for kids, animated, about these mage kids during the Arcanum… but it‘s really boring.“
Vax, though, grinned. “It wouldn’t happen to be Senril and the Flying City, would it? I love that one, nostalgia cartoons are exactly what I need tonight.“

“I gotta say,“ Vax said, about half an hour into the movie, “I think Neran was my first childhood crush and I stand by that. That man has no business being this fine.“
Keyleth laughed, then eyed Neran, one of the older characters in the movie, an elven man with short, dark hair curling around his pointed ears and serious, green eyes. Even in the simplistic animation style, his timeless, elegant elven features were easy to make out. “Can‘t argue with that.“ On a whim, she paused the movie. “Vax? How did you know you were bi?“
Vax shrugged, followed by a long yawn. “I don’t know, I just pretty much like men and women and everyone in between, it‘s really not that deep. It just comes down to attraction at the end of the day doesn’t it?“
Keyleth groaned inwardly. Somehow, Vax was even less helpful than his sister had been. “Attraction is just such a vague word,“ she finally settled on, hoping she didn’t sound too innocent and inexperienced, “It‘s just who you think is good-looking or pretty, isn‘t it?“ Yeah, no, now that she said it out loud, that definitely didn‘t sound right. She really did sound like a sheltered, ignorant little kid. There had to be more to it, right? But somehow, she couldn‘t find the right words, either.
Vax just laughed. “I mean, yeah, if that‘s how you want to put it? I don‘t know, I‘ve never really understood that whole deal about having to figure things out, I mean, most people just know, I think.“
Vax was bi, after all, Keyleth thought, so he probably was right. And that probably meant she was just attracted to men. And while she usually tried to staunchly avoid thinking about the future, when she did, she usually pictured herself with a man, sure, vague and faceless, but a man nonetheless. That was probably what Vax was getting at. “I think I‘ve got it,“ she shot him a small smile and turned the movie back on.
Where they‘d been talking a lot during the first bit of the movie, pointing out their favorite parts, Keyleth noticed Vax growing more and more quiet now. She didn’t quite put two and two together until Vax slumped against her, fast asleep, his head a warm, pressing weight on her shoulder. At first he sat awkwardly, half leaning over in a way that really didn‘t look too comfortable, but just as Keyleth thought about maybe moving closer to him to prop him up against herself a little, he readjusted himself, half curling into Keyleth. Keyleth found this relaxed, cuddly version of him kind of endearing. His mouth hung open ever so slightly, and she could feel his breath lightly tickling her skin. His dark eyelashes were almost brushing his high, sharp cheekbones and strands of his dark hair were hanging over his face, her shoulder and chest. This close up, she could see the subtly different shades of deep, warm browns in it, and she had to stop herself from carefully brushing it out of his face more than once. If she was being honest, she felt pretty flattered that he obviously felt comfortable enough around her to just pass out like this.
Keyleth finished the movie volume turned way down, sitting as still as possible, in an attempt not to disturb Vax. It worked until the end credits started to scroll over the screen, and she carefully reached over Vax for her phone. She had a text from Vex waiting: Hey, I just saw that the sociology class is cancelled, so I‘m staying over at Percy‘s. Just so you‘re not worried. ;)
Keyleth was about to reply, when Vax lifted his head off her shoulder, blinked a few times, then, immediately scooted a good foot away from Keyleth. “Fuck,“ he muttered, “Fuck, I‘m so sorry, I didn‘t mean to… Why didn‘t you wake me?“
“I don‘t know, seemed like you needed your sleep?“ Keyleth shrugged. “I don‘t really mind, I promise.“
“Ugh, see, you say that, but I know you‘re a little people pleaser.“
Keyleth laughed. “Can‘t argue with that, but honestly, you‘re not heavy or anything, it‘s really not a that big of a deal.“
Vax still didn‘t look convinced. “Alright then.“ He yawned and threw a glance around the room. “It‘s pretty late, where‘s Vex?“
Keyleth grinned. “She‘s staying over at Percy‘s.“
“Oh, good for them,“ Vax said solemnly. They both managed to hold it in for a second, but then started to violently cackle like teenagers anyways. Vax got up and stretched and Keyleth could hear his back pop in at least three places. She winced. “Yeah, yeah,“ Vax grumbled, “I don’t move enough, I know.“
“The climbing offer still stands.“
“Oh yeah,“ Vax seemed to light up a little, “I completely forgot, but yeah, I‘d love to. How about this weekend?“
“Alright! Well, I only have one kit so you‘d need to borrow some equipment and…,“ Keyleth started but Vax interrupted her.
“Hey, that‘s okay. Don‘t worry, it‘ll be fine. I‘m looking forward to it, but, uh,“ he yawned again, “Gods, I really need to go to bed, properly. Good night Kiki.“ He threw her one last grin over his shoulder before he was out of the door.
This was nice, Keyleth thought, making weekend plans with friends, not to mention actually having friends to do something with.

***

The first thing Keyleth noticed upon waking up was that Vex was already up, pottering around at her desk, curtains drawn open, light streaming into the room, right onto Keyleth’s face. The second thing was that she felt like shit. The nauseous, roiling feeling in her stomach made her want to turn over and bury herself under a mountain of blankets, get back to sleep, restart the day. Surely, if she gave herself a second chance to do it right, she‘d be fine, wouldn’t she? But even before trying, before pulling the covers over her head, she knew that her heart hammering against her throat wouldn’t let her get back to sleep any time soon. She tried anyways, but suddenly the bedding was too warm, too heavy, her clothes clinging to her, seams like sandpaper against her body in a way that made her want to scratch her own skin off. Keyleth sat up and jerked at her clothes, trying to get the already baggy tank top to feel less sticky, less constricting. If the stupid shirt would just come off, it would stop feeling like a nozzle around her throat and she‘d be able to just breathe.
Suddenly, a new wave of nausea hit her, hard enough that she had to rapidly blink against the dizziness to not be pulled under. Tucking her head between her knees, Keyleth squeezed her eyes shut, digging her nails into her palms. In, one, two, out, one, two… Keyleth lost count. She couldn’t throw up in here, she should try to make it to the bathroom at least. But it was like her body wasn’t listening to her, she couldn’t move off the bed, no matter how badly she wanted to and oh gods she felt so sick, she‘d be sick, she‘d… In, one, two, In, no, out, In, shit, she couldn’t breathe properly, she couldn’t… She bit back a sob. Her heart was still racing, fast enough that she could feel her pulse pounding in her arms and legs. Maybe she should open a window maybe that would help or maybe she should lie back down or stand up or take a walk or maybe drink some water or tea?
“Oh, you‘re up,“ Vex’s voice cut through her dizzying, spinning thoughts, “I was gonna go get breakfast, do you want to come?“
Just the thought of food made Keyleth groan into her knees. Uncertain what would come out if she opened her mouth, she left her lips pressed together tightly and just shook her head. Vex shot her a confused look, the kind that would have usually sent Keyleth scrambling to explain, make it less awkward. Today she was just glad when Vex shut the door behind her and left her alone in the dim, quiet room.

Somewhere in between sitting on her bed, locked in a losing battle against her body and now, Keyleth seemed to have blacked out, because she had no idea how she ended up in her physics class. She might as well have not gone, though. In her current state, she wasn‘t absorbing a single thing. She didn’t even know the topic they were on, too busy focusing on breathing, not throwing up, not passing out, not crying. Her thumb hurt where she kept rubbing her nail over the same spot, back and forth back and forth, her leg twitching under her chair. It was like her thoughts, working overtime, directly fueled her body with an unnatural, jittery energy. Even trying to sit still made her want to scream, all the pent-up anxiety having nowhere to go. Keyleth forced herself to take a deep breath and another one and another one. It didn’t really help but at least it was something she could focus on. Why? Why was she feeling like this again? It had gotten better, hadn’t it? Had she made that up? Was she getting worse? Why was it getting this bad again? What if it didn’t get better this time, what if this was just how it was? The thought alone made her chest feel like it was constricting, no air coming through. She was trapped by her own emotions, thoughts a cage. What if she‘d just be a bundle of anxiety forever? Could she live like this? Could anyone?

Vax and me met Percy so we thought we‘d go the library and give the stupid sociology project some love, can you come as well?
Keyleth saw Vex’s text, already a few minutes old, when she was on the way back to the blessed calm of her room. The library, always loud and too full, too warm sounded like her own personal hells right now but what choice did she have? She didn’t have a good excuse and really, what else was she gonna do? Sit in her room and be anxious? She could do that literally anywhere else. And if she left Percy and the twins to do her portion for her, she‘d just feel guilty on top of the anxiety.
Keyleth spent the next hour staring at her laptop screen, trying to process any of what she was reading. It was no good. Her thoughts were whirring and buzzing and screaming, blocking her from taking in anything else.
Thankfully, the others were busy enough with their own work to not pay attention to her too much, to not notice her bouncing leg, her dancing fingers, her absent stares. Just desperate for her hands to have something to do, she grabbed the coffee cup Percy had handed her earlier and took a small sip. It was lukewarm now, but Percy had gotten her order right, taste familiar and comforting, a little bitter and overly sweet and with a hint of cinnamon and oats. Keyleth took another sip, but immediately her empty stomach protested with a painful cramp. Caffeine, it dawned on her, had been a terrible idea, this would make it worse, dreadfully bad. Already, her heart was picking up, palpitations painfully fluttering against her ribs. Maybe they‘d shatter, she thought nonsensically, maybe she‘d have a heart attack or something, the two sips of oat milk latte enough to finally send her over the edge. She was dimly aware that her hands, sweaty and clammy, were trembling and she balled them into shaky fists, her throat closing up again, head filled with static, noise and empty all at once. She swallowed hard, tried to breathe. What was that thing she‘d read about? Five things you could see? Vision swimming, she did her best to focus. Something she could see. Vax, sitting across from her, reading something, dark hair half tied up, silver ear piercings against his tan skin. Alright number one. Next up, a bookshelf, right behind Vex, white. On the top row, most of the books had fallen over, forming lopsided piles. One book was on the floor, half hidden underneath the lowest shelf. Someone should go and fix that, someone… what was she doing again? She felt sick, the milky, sugary coffee sloshing around in her stomach.
“Kiki?“ Vax asked, “Hey, Kiki, hey, are you alright?“
“Yes, I‘m fine. Leave me alone.“ Keyleth snapped. She was already beyond agitated, couldn’t he see that? Couldn’t he tell that he was asking a stupid question?
“Alright,“ Percy pushed his laptop shut, “Keyleth, come on, I think you need a break. Would you come outside with me?“
“You’re not doing very well, are you?” Percy asked, sitting down next to Keyleth on one of the little stone benches out in front of the library building. Keyleth had left her jacket inside and was shivering in her thin sweater. She nodded. “It‘s a little bad, but,“ she swallowed hard, “It‘s so awful because I thought I was getting better, I- I really – I really thought…“ And then the tears she‘d been holding in all day finally came. Keyleth buried her face in her arms, trying to stifle the sobs, harsh and ragged. Percy awkwardly patted her shoulder. “Keyleth, listen. I know you think you‘re getting worse, but are you? Remember when we first met? You were always anxious, and days that weren’t like this were pretty rare, you basically just slid from one anxiety attack to the next didn’t you? And now, I mean, I know it feels awful but isn’t it a really small setback? Like, a single step back when you’ve been walking forward for a good while?“
Keyleth carefully wiped the tears and snot off her face and gave Percy a small smile. “Thanks, Percy, really.“
Percy was about to reply when they both saw it: Thick, white snowflakes, slowly, quietly, drifting down, the first ones already settling onto Keyleth‘s arms and shoulders, melting into her clothes.
“See,“ Percy said dryly, “Everyone cares about you, even nature wants to comfort you.“
“Dumbass,“ Keyleth grinned. She lifted her hand, let it trail through the snow, now falling faster and denser. Her hand prickled, the cold almost painful, a welcome sensation, steadily grounding her in her body.
“Do… Do you want me to walk you back to your dorm?“ Percy asked, “I think we‘ll get rather soaked if we stay here for much longer and I doubt you‘d get much work done anyways right now.“

“Have you eaten anything today?“ Percy asked when Drassig Hall came into view.
“No,“ Keyleth admitted, “I- I just felt really sick most of the day.“
“Stupid,“ Percy said, voice laced with quiet affection, “I‘ll text Vex to get your stuff and some food. Just something plain, I guess?“
Keyleth nodded. “Any Vex related updates? I know she stayed over at yours a few days ago, right?“
“I, well,“ Percy awkwardly cleared his throat, “We might have gotten quite drunk on my expensive booze and then made out. It was quite lovely, actually, but we haven‘t really talked about it since, so…“
“How come?“ Keyleth was glad for the distraction. Percy‘s relationship issues seemed so much easier to deal with than confronting her own problems.
Percy sighed. “I really don’t know. I‘m a bit terrified if I‘m being honest because I just… I like her so much and that’s scary in its own right, especially because I‘ve never really been with anybody, not like this anyways, just casually, and… It sounds stupid, but she‘s your roommate, so it‘s not like I could eternally avoid her if things went south or she didn’t want me back so…“
He stared ahead for a moment, eyes fixed on some point off in the far distance. “Sometimes I feel like I might be too broken for someone like her.“
“Oh,“ Keyleth sighed, “Oh, Percy, no, don‘t even think that please. And talk to her, alright?“
“Yes, Keyleth, alright. Now, let‘s take care of you before we fix my relationship issues.“

“Delivery.“ Vex dropped Keyleth‘s backpack onto her bed, “What do you have in there? Feels like bag of bricks. Anyways, here you go,“ without waiting for an answer, she handed Keyleth a sandwich. Keyleth had to unwrap herself from her blanket cocoon to take it. It was the plainest white bread the cafeteria sandwich bar had to offer with nothing on it except some cheese. “Thanks,“ Keyleth took a small bite. Percy must‘ve relayed her safe foods to Vex, who had delivered.
Vex watched her nibble on the sandwich, visibly concerned. “Darling, how are you feeling?“
Keyleth shrugged. “It’s fine, I don‘t know. Well, it‘s not really, but I‘m used to it, so…“
That earned her another worried look. “Do you mind if I text Vax really quickly, just to let him know? He was really worried about you earlier.“
Guilt washed over Keyleth, making her want to scramble back into her blankets and hide from the world in her dark little cave. This was exactly what she‘d wanted to avoid. Her skin crawled at the thought of making people worry, especially for her wellbeing. Really, she already worried enough for several people on any given day, no need to drag anyone else into it.
Vex sat down next to her. “I didn’t know you had anxiety,“ she paused, “But, honestly, a lot of things are starting to click now.“
“Really? I feel like it‘s pretty obvious?“
Vex shrugged. “Honestly, I assumed you were just really awkward, but it makes more sense that way, you’re right.“
Keyleth laughed. “No, you got that right, I am pretty awkward. And, well, it has already gotten a lot better,“ she conceded, “I used to be really anxious for no reason all the time, and, I mean, I still get anxious but now it’s mostly for a reason? Like my classes and presentations and whatever? Don‘t get me wrong it still sucks, but it‘s a little bit more manageable that way because it‘s not as unpredictable at least.“
Vex didn’t look too convinced. “Do you have any coping strategies? Anything to make it easier?“
“Uh, well,“ Keyleth, “I used to… sometimes, go running, I guess? It kind of helps with, like, not being able to sit still, but I haven‘t in a while? And especially not when it‘s like this.“ She gestured to the window where the snow was now falling fast and heavy, covering the campus in a thick, white blanket, muffling any sounds.
“Fair,“ Vex shuffled over to her own bed, “Tell me if you need anything, yeah?“

***

Keyleth didn’t think she‘d ever been to Vax’s room. She knew, vaguely, that they lived on the same floor. Still, she had to check the sign next to every door, before she found Vessar, Vax’ildan on the very last one. Although Keyleth had been up for about an hour, it was still quite early, especially for a weekend morning, so the hallway was dead silent and deserted as she reached Vax’s door. He seemed to have scored a single room, and now that Keyleth thought about it, she realized that he‘d never mentioned a roommate. Hoisting her gym bag back onto her shoulder, she knocked.
“Keyleth?“ she heard him from inside, “That you? Come in, sorry I‘m late.“
Keyleth had expected Vax’s room to be one of the standard doubles, like her and Vex’s room, just without a roommate, which would’ve seemed like a pretty decent deal. Instead, she stepped into what seemed like a furnished shoe box, bed, desk, and wardrobe cramped against the walls, leaving barely 20 square feet of floor space. Still, it was very… Vax. Simple, dark bedsheets, blackout curtains, books cast aside under the desk and a handful of ornate, decorative daggers, elven craft, set in some sort of weaponry rack, decorated with black feathers, sitting above his bed.
“Cozy,“ Keyleth said, keeping to the entrance, leaning against the doorframe awkwardly.
Vax, busy gathering clothes into a bag, laughed. “Guess why I always hang out with Vex and you. This sucks.“ He looked up at her. “Morning. Oh, you‘re already changed.“
Keyleth nodded. “Yeah, I, I don’t know, that’s what I always do, it‘s just quicker that way, I guess.“
“Well, too late now,“ Vax grabbed his bag. “Let’s go.“

“We‘re not walking to the climbing centre, are we?“ Vax asked when Keyleth led him straight off campus.
“Oh, gods no, we‘re just going to Percy‘s and borrowing his car. The centre is pretty far out and the buses aren‘t too reliable with this weather.“
Vax threw a wary glance at the road, visibly icy, snowbanks piled high on the sidewalk. “And you can drive? In this weather?“
Keyleth laughed. “Vax, I‘m from a tiny mountain town, I knew how to drive with any road condition by, like, age 15.“
“Oh…,“ Vax said vaguely, “Yeah that sounds useful. Hey, Kiki, do you mind if we go get coffee somewhere first? I don‘t think I‘m fully awake yet.“
“Sure! Uh…“
“Over there,“ Vax lead them down a side road to a tiny café with a single, snowed in table out front. “You want anything?“
Keyleth shook her head. She‘d been mostly okay since her anxiety attack a few days ago, but she didn’t want to tempt fate by having coffee on an empty stomach.
“Ah I feel like a person again,“ Vax said when he exited the shop.
“You know they have reusable cups, right?“ Keyleth asked, eyeing his single use cardboard cup.
Vax sighed. “Yeah, yeah, but I always forget to take them back, so it gets really expensive. Anyways,“ he added quickly, “I saw this book the other day. I looked really interesting, and I wanted to know if you‘ve read it?“
“Sure, what‘s it called?“ No more arguing over coffee cups, then.
“Ah, see, if I could remember that… It‘s about this woman, though, sorceress, half-elven… and she‘s sent to find this artifact… with this guy, I think, and he hates her at first? But then they fall in love?“
Keyleth laughed. “Every adventure book ever. I think I know which one you mean, though. It‘s pretty long, right? I‘ve read it, and I thought it was really good. Well, there’s two or three of them and I‘ve only read the first one, but, you know, that one I really liked.“
Vax nodded. “The main character is queer, right?“
“Ah,“ Keyleth grinned, “I wonder why you of all people would want to read a book about a queer half-elf. Yeah, she is, and I think it‘s pretty good representation,“ she could feel her face heat up, and wound her hair around her finger in a desperate attempt to hide it. “Well, not that I‘m queer, so maybe you‘d think different, but, uh, yeah.“
“Nah,“ said Vax, “I trust your judgement. Just out of curiosity, how do you prefer your books? With romance, or without?“
“With, definitely,“ Keyleth covered her face with her hands, “I‘m such a sucker for the most cliché tropes, too. They get to the inn and there‘s just one bed? Yes, please. Enemies to lovers? So good, every time.“
“Really?“ Vax smirked, “You‘re telling me you‘d want someone to hate you before you start dating them?“
“No! Gods no!“ Keyleth laughed, “I get anxious when someone‘s tone is slightly off, I‘d cry if someone was that mean to me and avoid them for all of eternity. But, in books, you know. I love when they both have to confront things about themselves and admit they‘ve been wrong in their view of the world and each other and… You know.“ Gods, here she went again. Vax had just asked about one particular book and here she was, rambling about fictional love stories.
But Vax just grinned. “True, also, the chemistry when they hate each other? Unmatched. You read mostly adventure books, then?“
Keyleth shook her head. “Mystery, too, like murder mysteries and stuff? Green Seekers is my favorite, I don’t know if you know them?“
“Nope. I do like a good murder mystery, though.“
“It‘s… Well, it’s a series, about, they‘re called Gus and Ollie and they‘re this private detective duo, it‘s supposed to take place in Jrusar, I think? Like, in Marquet? But that doesn’t really affect the story, I guess, they just run around solving murder cases. Do you read a lot?“
Vax shook his head again. “Not anymore. When we lived in Syngorn, Syldor wouldn’t really let us have phones the first few years, so I read a lot, but I’ve always struggled a bit with elvish and then we left and I kind of stopped and now I have to read so much for my classes… But I do actually like it so I‘d love to get back into it. That‘s why I‘m kind of looking for books that would be worth reading? Maybe I should start with one of those Green Seekers books.“
Keyleth nodded. “Oh yeah! Most of mine are at home, but I‘m sure I have one or two lying around that you could borrow!“
Vax gave her a wide smile. “Thanks, that‘d be really nice. I think we‘re here?“
“Oh, yup.“ They‘d stopped in front of Percy‘s apartment. “I‘ll just run upstairs and grab the keys.“

“I don’t think Percy slept at all last night,“ Keyleth giggled as they got into the car, “He looked like a mess.“
“And such is the curse of genius,“ said Vax dryly. Keyleth raised her eyebrows. “You barely sleep either.“
“So? Never said I‘m not a genius. Maybe I have hidden skills. Also, how do you even know that I don’t sleep?“
Keyleth laughed. “You fell asleep on me not even a week ago. And generally, most days you‘re barely awake! And you have under eye circles from here to Wildemount! That‘s not how someone who gets enough sleep looks like!“
“Didn‘t know you paid this close attention to me.“ Vax winked at her, and Keyleth turned to look out of the window, so he wouldn’t see the blood rushing into her cheeks. If he insisted on pushing all the right buttons to rattle her, she could at least deny him the satisfaction of seeing it.

The road conditions were indeed quite horrible, so they spent most of the drive in comfortable silence, accompanied by radio music, too quiet to make out any songs, so Keyleth could focus on driving.
“Wow,“ Vax said when they pulled up onto the parking lot, “That‘s a big place.“
Keyleth nodded. “It‘s great, isn’t it? I used to come here all the time, but I don’t know, not anymore. I‘m usually too busy.“
Just as they went up the long, iced over ramp to the entrance, Keyleth could feel her feet lose purchase on the ground. Instinctively, she threw her hand out to the rail, but missed it by an inch or so.
“Whoa, careful there,“ Vax hands were on her, one holding her up by her upper arm, one on her waist to steady her. Even through her clothes, Keyleth could feel the grip of his fingers and he was very close, chest almost touching her back.
“Good- Good reflexes,“ Keyleth breathed out to overplay how hard she was blushing. Again. Vax held onto her for a moment longer, then let go with a low laugh. “See, I‘m not gonna say you‘re clumsy. I am gonna say that your flimsy little trainers aren‘t very weather appropriate, though.“
Keyleth scoffed. “You shut up, I know for a fact that you only have one pair of shoes. You don‘t get to be all high and mighty just because they happen to be boots.“
“Well, only one of us slipped,“ Vax grinned, “Now, come on, I‘m freezing my ass off.“

“And this one? Has he climbed before?“ Callie, a pretty elf-orc woman, was perched on a stool behind the register, eyeing Vax suspiciously, while her coworker was rummaging around the back, trying to find some gear Vax could borrow.
Keyleth looked over to Vax, who nodded. “A bit, yeah.“
“Right then. I know Keyleth knows what she‘s doing, so I‘ll let you guys do your thing, but holler if you need any help, alright? Wouldn‘t want any accidents.“ She dropped a harness, some carabiners, and a pair of shoes on the counter, “Here ya go.“
“Oh!“ Keyleth suddenly remembered, “We also need a belay, I forgot mine.“
“Only got tubers, though,“ Callie said, dropping a small purple belay onto Vax’s pile, “Need me to show you how to use them?“
Keyleth shook her head. “No we‘ll be fine, thanks!“
“I love those shoes,“ Vax said, slowly flexing his toes when he joined Keyleth at the walls after changing.
“Get them changed, then,“ Keyleth said, “If they feel like they fit you they‘re too big.“
“Oh,“ Vax flexed his foot again, “No I think they‘re tight alright, they don’t feel like normal shoes or anything, I just like the way they give me control over my feet?“
Keyleth laughed. “Weirdo. Alright,“ she led Vax over to one of the easier routes, “Have you belayed before?“
Vax shook his head. “I‘ve only been to those places with the lower walls and mats on the floor. And I really only used the slackline anyways.“
“Right. I think you should climb first, then, because this type of belay is a bit difficult to use, I‘d usually use the click up ones, but I left that at my dad’s the last time I went to Zephrah, so.“ Keyleth fed the rope through the belay and hooked it into her harness.
“Sure, I don’t know what any of that means,“ Vax craned his neck, eyes wandering up the wall, “There‘s no rope here. I assume I need to hook that in myself?“
Keyleth nodded. “It‘s called lead. See those hooks in the wall? You just pause every time you get to one and click the rope in, just make sure it doesn’t get twisted. Are you okay with that?“
Vax nodded. “Doesn’t sound too bad.“
“Great! Here,“ She handed him one half of the rope, “You start with a knot, like this. You make a loop, like a head, see? And then you wrap it around like this, see like you‘re hanging him, and then you stab him through the eye!“
Vax threw his head back and laughed. “Kiki that’s horrible!“
“But easy to remember,“ Keyleth grinned, “Ok and now you put it through this loop, on your harness, and then just pull the other end through the knot.“
“What.“
Keyleth sighed. “Ok wait, I‘ll do it for you, watch.“ She squatted down to get a better view. This was really awkward. She was used to doing it the other way round, not to mention that her head was basically level with Vax’s crotch. She put all her focus on tying Vax in properly, doing her best to ignore the uncomfortable position, hoping Vax maybe wouldn’t notice. “Here, all done.“ Keyleth sprung back to her feet and found Vax staring at her. No, he had definitely noticed. “Do, uh, do you get sweaty hands?“ Keyleth asked quickly to overplay the weird tension.
“No? Why?“
“Oh, just,“ she half-nodded to her chalk bag, “You know, I do, so… But it‘s good if you don’t! Ready to go?“
Vax nodded and eyed the section of wall they were currently facing. “I stick to one color, right?“
Keyleth nodded. “Yup, the blue ones for now.“
Vax placed one foot onto the lowest foothold, and it was on. Keyleth had thought she‘d have an easy time adjusting to the tuber, but Vax sped up the wall with no hesitation, leaving Keyleth scrambling to keep the rope taunt. Vax clicked the rope into the first hook no issue, then the second. Keyleth had gotten the hang of belaying now, which gave her the opportunity to watch Vax climb for a bit. He was definitely stronger than he looked, wiry muscles flexing on his back and arms as he sped upwards and she was impressed with how nimble he seemed, quick, clean footwork and precise hand movements. Good reflexes, too.
Only now Keyleth noticed that he had missed the third hook and was currently almost flying past the fourth as well. Keyleth weighed her options. She could yell up and tell him to get the next one or give him less rope to slow him down but there were now a good ten or eleven feet between Vax and the last hook the rope was clicked into. She didn’t want to risk anything that could make him lose his balance, and surely, he‘d get the next one, right?
But no, he missed that one, too. Keyleth also noticed that he was starting to slow down as the holds got a little smaller. About two thirds up the wall, he paused, one foot dangling in the air, the other one on a small rest and both hands hooked into the same, bigger hold above his head.
“Hey,“ he twisted around, looking down at her, “Doing pretty well, wouldn’t you say?“
“Sure,“ Keyleth tried to keep her voice steady to not make him nervous, but also to keep herself calm. Not that all the belaying skills in the world would help him if he fell now. But it was too late anyways. Keyleth could see his foot slowly slipping, slipping. She froze, staring intently, trying to see if he‘d catch himself but already, he was scrambling for purchase, hand slipping as well… Without letting herself get into her head about it, Keyleth took her hand off the belay, shooting a thick vine up to catch Vax.

Chapter Text

This was fun. Vax couldn’t believe he‘d never properly been rock climbing before. It felt like his element, just him and his body defying gravity together. Keyleth had chosen a fairly easy route for him, but he was already itching to prove himself on one of the harder ones. Maybe not right now, though. He was embarrassingly out of shape, and maybe he should’ve taken some time to warm up, seeing how much his arms and shoulders were aching. He now remembered, vaguely, that this was probably his own fault, he should‘ve used his legs to push himself upwards instead of pulling with his arms but oh well. Too late now.
Looking up, he probably had another ten or so feet to go before he could pull the rope through the two carabiners at the top. Not too bad, but this far up, the holds were becoming further apart, and smaller, too. Maybe he could take a quick break. He tried to put his feet in a stable position, but there was just one flat foothold he could reach comfortably. He gingerly placed his toes onto it and let the other foot dangle. Not the safest, but he’d found a decent handhold. Twisting around, he looked down, Keyleth‘s hair like a beacon below. “Hey! Doing pretty well, wouldn’t you say?“
He thought he could faintly make out Keyleth smiling. “Sure!“
Twisting back around, he tried to take his weight off his arms, put it onto his foot. Bad idea. His leg immediately started shaking violently and he could slowly feel his foot slipping off, the rubbery soles scraping against the rough, sandpaper-like texture of the hold.
Fuck.
Scrambling to get back up, he could feel his foot banging against the wall, searching for footing and finding none, but he didn’t dare look down, didn’t dare change his position in the slightest. His shoulders and fingers, too, were now protesting, his entire weight hanging from them. He knew it was nonsensical to be scared. He was wearing a harness, there was a rope, specifically so he wouldn’t fall, and Keyleth had him. Still, he couldn’t get his body under control, his blood swooshing in his ears, hands growing sweaty. Now he knew why Keyleth had offered him the chalk earlier. The sweat was making him lose grip, and fast, his fingers were slipping, and they were too sore for him to try to pull himself back up. He couldn’t. He‘d fall, he knew it.
Carefully, he peered down, just to see how far the last hook was away, how far he’d fall before the rope would catch, but, fuck. The hook was there, couple of inches below his dangling foot, but the rope wasn’t clicked into it. Had he- Before he could fully process what he was seeing, his fingertips finally gave in, and he fell.
He was falling still falling this was wrong, why wasn’t the rope catching, why…?
Suddenly, he was stopped, yanked upwards immediately, but the pull didn’t come from his harness. Strong, green vines were wrapped around his wrists, his chest, his waist, holding him in place, suspended a good 25 feet above the floor, then starting to grow rapidly, lowering him down.
Vax landed on the floor, hard, impact nearly making his knees buckle. Keyleth was standing there. She’d dropped the rope and was breathing hard and white as a sheet, eyes fearful and wide. Her hands were still raised and as she curled her fingers, the vines around Vax retracted, but her hands were still trembling.
Looking up the wall, Vax finally understood why. The rope was there, but it was only hooked into the first two hooks. He‘d climbed a good stretch, sixteen or seventeen feet, without any safeguard. Before, it hadn’t quite gotten through to him, but now that he‘d taken a second, he realized he was shaking too, his hands, his legs and he felt strangely lightheaded.
“Fuck this,“ he panted and then he had his arms around Keyleth, heart still hammering, pulse racing, pulling her against himself. “I‘m so sorry,“ he whispered, “I- I messed up, I‘m sorry.“
Keyleth didn’t say anything, just pressed her face into his shoulder. She was still trembling, and he could feel her take deep breaths into his shoulder, her chest and shoulders rising and falling against him. She was trying to calm herself down, he realized. He angled himself just so, pulling her nearer, slowly rubbing his hand up and down her back. Finally, Keyleth wrapped her arms around him as well, hands between his shoulder blades, digging into his shirt. Vax could feel his entire body grow warm, skin prickling where she was touching him, a pleasant flutter in his stomach as she dug her face into the spot where his neck met his shoulder. He hadn‘t realized how badly he‘d needed this physical comfort, how badly he’d needed someone, her, to hold him, until he felt all his tension fall away. Still running his hands up and down Keyleth‘s back, more gently now, he slightly leaned his forehead against her, taking deep breaths. She smelled nice, he noted dimly, not at all how he would have expected, though he didn’t quite know how to describe it. He let himself stay like this for a while, face buried in her hair, adrenaline slowly ebbing off. Fuck, this was nice. Keyleth still had her arms around him, and he was acutely aware of her forehead against his neck, warm and calming and… Gods he wanted to stay like this forever. “Thank you,“ he murmured into her hair.
Keyleth looked up at him, slowly pulling her arms away. She took a step back. “I- I‘m so sorry, Vax, I shouldn‘t…,“ She took a deep breath, “This shouldn‘t have happened.“
“Hey.“ Vax was still reeling from her pulling away. All he wanted was to draw her back in, hold her again, “Hey, Kiki, listen you did alright, I promise, this was my fault. You explained it all, okay, I‘m the one who messed up, yes?“
“No! No, Vax, it really wasn‘t, I knew it was your first time and I should’ve paid better attention to you, I should‘ve stopped you!“
“But you saved me,“ Vax said quietly. He didn‘t fully grasp why she was so upset. Everything was fine wasn‘t it? “You caught me, you did so well!“
“But,“ Keyleth sounded strangely strangled, her eyes bright and angry at once, “What if I hadn‘t? Vax, do you understand how badly you could have gotten hurt?“
“I didn’t, though,“ Vax said decidedly, “I‘m okay. And you know why? You know why I barely panicked? Because I trust you, Keyleth.“
“Well you shouldn‘t!“ She sounded on the verge of tears now, all the anger burned away, “I‘m… I‘m not good at this!“
“Alright, here.“ Vax gently pulled her towards one of the benches near the exit of the hall. “Hey, I don‘t know what you‘re talking about,“ he said softly, wrapping his arm around her waist, pulling her against him again. He wanted to comfort her, mostly, but he couldn’t deny how badly he wanted to touch her again. “You‘re powerful, yes,“ he added forcefully when Keyleth opened her mouth to protest, “I know you don’t think so, but I know you are. I’ve seen you. You can tell me I‘m wrong as much as you like, but you know what you‘re doing, you‘re stronger and more capable than you‘ll ever know Keyleth. I trust you. Just this once, trust me.“
Keyleth exhaled and slumped against him. “Sorry, I shouldn‘t have snapped at you like that.“
“It‘s fine,“ Vax buried his face back into her hair, “It‘s okay. This was stressful I get it.“
“Hm.“ Keyleth pulled away, slowly, but stayed close enough for their shoulders to touch. “I think we should maybe go back home, I- I don’t think we should do any more climbing today.“
Vax couldn’t help but laugh. “Agreed.“

Vax was lying on his bed, staring at the grey perforated ceiling tiles, thoughts spinning. He couldn’t believe it was still this early, barely past 11am, yet he felt like he‘d already been through several days’ worth of events today. He couldn’t stop replaying them, more flashes for now rather than proper memories, slipping, falling, catching, landing. Keyleth. Her stricken expression when she‘d lowered him on the floor, her insistence that he could have gotten hurt. Her arms around him. Her body against his. Vax inhaled sharply.
It was like he’d half blacked out, as he could only recall snippets, but it was enough to make him flush again. Her back under his hands, skin against skin, gods, her chest against his.
But that wasn’t all. He couldn’t stop replaying the moments before either. Walking through Emon together. The snow around them as they were talking, laughing, her eyes shining. Him, catching her when she tripped, hands on her waist. The way she looked at him when he flirted with her, eyes wide, blush creeping up her neck, into her cheeks and finally up to the very tips of her ears.
He sat up, head spinning. He couldn’t stand the silence in his room, the empty space. He wanted to go over to hers and just… What did he even want? The answers came easily. Hold her, kiss her. Touch her. Even if he didn‘t want to admit it, it was something he‘d caught himself thinking about often, ever increasingly over the last few weeks.
But there were other desires too, newer. Even if she‘d never let him touch her again, he found that he just wanted to be with her, near her. To make her laugh, comfort her, be there for her. Listen to her when she talked about the things she was passionate about, read her favorite books and learn why she loved them. To know more about her, about what made her happy, what she wanted for her life. How he might fit into it.
He exhaled, slowly. Fuck him, he was falling for her. If he was being honest with himself, he had to admit that he had been falling for her for a while now, he‘d just avoided facing it. But no, he definitely had a crush on her. Potentially more than that. Grappling with the reality of the situation, he let himself drop back onto the bed with a sharp exhale, like the realization had hit him hard enough to knock the air out of him.
It had been well over a year since he‘d broken up with Thorn now and just as long since he‘d had actual, proper feelings for someone. And he‘d liked that just fine, thank you very much. Not to mention that it‘d been a while since he‘d felt drawn to a woman, physically and emotionally alike. He hadn’t dated a woman since Cyriel, and he had been fourteen then. And when he looked at his last few hookups, almost none of them had been women, either. Yet here was Keyleth, so fucking beautiful that it stole his breath sometimes, so sweet and funny and, honestly, unexpected.
He‘d get over her, eventually, if he set his mind to it, but he wasn’t sure if he wanted to. Rejection wasn‘t a concept he was too familiar with, neither was unrequited or one-sided yearning. Vex would have called it luck, but Vax liked to think that he only started falling for people when a certain amount of chemistry and connection had been established, so maybe it wasn’t too outrageous to assume that he could make it work with Keyleth. Just the thought of that, of maybe being hers someday, filled him with a giddy joy.

Vax was dozing on his bed, because really, what else was one to do midday on the weekend? Sure, there was some class work to be caught up on, but he’d have to leave for work in an hour anyways, so why start now? His lazy peaceful quiet was disrupted by the persistent buzz of his phone under his pillow. Grumbling, he pulled it out, instantly in a better mood when he spotted the name Shaun Gilmore on his display.
“Hey there,” Vax said after sliding to answer the video call. Gil was clearly in the store’s office, a place Vax loathed for how stuffy it always was and for the work it promised, usually sorting and filing invoices or something equally dull. Not that Gil seemed to mind, his feet on the desk, his long black hair up in a bun.
“Well look who it is,” Gil smiled, “Hey.”
”What’s up?” Vax asked with a yawn, “Is everything alright?”
Gil shrugged. “Of course, I just wanted to check in on you. I haven’t seen you around in a while that’s all.”
“Oh, that. Well, no one’s been scheduling me for shifts, so.”
“Yeah, we cut it back a bit, your job was only supposed to be seasonal, wasn’t it? Anyways, what have you been up to? College hells?”
Vax laughed. “Yeah, always, always.”
“See, Vax’ildan, I don’t understand why you do that to yourself. Come work for us full time, we could use someone with your talents for sneaking around and uncovering secrets. You would earn good money, enough to support yourself and Vex’ahlia, and still be in Emon, close to her.”
Vax sighed. It wasn’t the first time they had had this discussion and it was probably a testament to their friendship how well Gil knew his buttons and how best to push them. “I’ll think about it,” Vax said, the same promise he made every time, “But, man, I think this is good for me. I can still come work for you after I graduate. Anyways, what’s up with you? How are you?”
Gil beamed. “Fantastic, always busy, you know me. Oh, look what I just perfected. It’s ready for the store now.” He reached somewhere behind his phone, then held a small bottle up to the camera. Even on Vax’s grainy phone screen, it shimmered and caught the light like a mirror liquified and trapped in a small crystal vial.
“And what fantastical invention would that be?” Vax asked.
“A scrying potion,” Gil explained, immediately slipping into his salesman persona, “Perfect for the non-magical folk of Emon. Simply empty it into a basin of your choice, slip a hair or something similar into it and scry to your heart’s content. Gilmore’s Glorious Goods is not liable for anything you might discover.”
Vax laughed. “See, my favorite, ever talented sorcerer, this is why I have to go to college, and you don’t.” He wiggled his fingers. “No fancy magic to be found here.”
“Ah, don’t sell yourself short, friend,” Gil grinned, “You’d make a fantastic wizard.”
Vax raised an eyebrow. “Me and reading dusty books all day? Sure.”
“I was thinking of your magical abilities… elsewhere,” Gil winked, and Vax had to bite back a grin.
“Oh, you are so right, I am one masterful wizard.”
“Absolutely you are. By the way, did I tell you? The store’s been going so well we’re seriously considering expanding to Westruun soon, so I might be going there in a few months to oversee the new store, isn’t that exciting?”
Vax was surprised at how much the news stung. Emon without Gil around seemed like it would be a significantly worse place, and the idea of not having one of his closest friends around anymore was not one he enjoyed. “That’s fantastic!” he said, trying to put as much conviction as he could into his voice. “Westruun shall be blessed with your glorious goods.”
Gil laughed. “Yes, I am glad to get my inventions out to more people.”
“You deserve it,” Vax said, quietly. Damn, he was selfish for wanting to keep Gil around, keep him close just because he didn’t have many other friends.
“In any case,” Gil said, “First things first I’m heading to Westruun next week to that sorcerer congregation I told you about. Help me pick an outfit?”
“Oh,” Vax sat up on his bed, “Yes. Absolutely.”
“Alright so,” Gil scrambled out of frame and Vax could hear him rustling around, before returning with three clothes hangers, “I have those three options.” The first hanger held a quite plain looking charcoal suit, the second a long magenta robe, rich golden marquesian embroidery adorning the collar and cuffs. It was a slightly fancier version of what Gil wore most days, whether for style or to uphold the store’s image. The last option was a silken, wine-red shirt and smart, dark pants. Vax scoffed.
“Alright, tell me you’re not actually considering that boring black suit. That’s something I would wear.”
Gil sighed. “You’re so right, that should deter me.”
“Right,” Vax said, “Wear the red shirt, for a change of pace, but accessorize the hells out of it. That shorter gold necklace of yours, the one with the black pearls and then that longer necklace with the pendant, layer them and then add your golden belt and all the rings you have, maybe put some in your hair as well. And then you have those earrings, the dangly ones, I’m pretty sure the stones are the same color as the shirt, I think that would look great together.”
“Vax, if I didn’t know how much you love shiny things, I’d be worried about how well you know the contents of my jewelry box.”
Vax laughed. He’d borrowed Gil’s jewelry, particularly the silver pieces, all the time back when they’d been dating, so he was indeed intimately familiar with all the pieces his friend owned.
“And anyways,” Gil said, “Why am I even listening to your fashion advice? You own three sweatshirts, and they all look identical.”
“You know what they say,” Vax said lazily, “Coaches don’t play.” It wasn’t quite true. He did like fashion, always had, even before meeting Gil and his fabulous wardrobe, but the fact of the matter was that him and Vex had to make choices when leaving Syngorn about what to take and what to leave and all of his most beloved pieces had seemed too gaudy, too impractical to take on the road. And now, scraping by every month, Vax didn’t feel like clothes were a good use of what little money they had.
A soft melody tore Vax’s attention back to his phone screen.
“Oh, that’s the shop phone,” Gil said, “I have to take that. Thank you, for the advice and the conversation!”

***

“You went to the climbing centre with Keyleth, right?”
Vax looked up at his sister. They were sitting in the library where Vax was supposed to catch up on some work and Vex wanted to do gods knew what. Not that it mattered since Vax had been catching her scrolling on her phone and mindlessly fiddling with her hair and sleeves for a while now. Her laptop was half closed and the book she had been referencing sat next to her, long abandoned. Not that it was any of Vax’s business, he was just glad for his sister’s company and anyways, he wasn’t overworking himself either.
“Sure did,” he said, deciding to leave the slides he’d been trying to memorize for another day.
“Was it fun?”
Vax nodded. “Yeah, actually. I really enjoyed it.” Or at least he had until he had almost plummeted to his death. Not that he’d tell Vex that, though, seeing as she would just call him an irresponsible idiot.
“Does that mean I finally get to drag you hiking with me?” Vex asked with a sly grin.
“Must I remind you that you have a roommate who is really into that? Just ask her.”
“Has it occurred to you that I maybe just want to spend time with you?” Vex asked wryly. “But I’m glad you had fun.”
“Absolutely,” Vax grinned, “Keyleth knows how to have a good time, if you know what I mean.” He immediately all but cringed at himself. Gods, he just couldn’t help himself, could he? Good job Vax, making dumb jokes about Keyleth, what a surefire to make sure his sister would most definitely pick up on his stupid feelings for her roommate.
Vex just snorted out a very undignified laugh. “We’re talking about the same girl, yes?”
“She’s cool,” Vax said defensively and Vex rolled her eyes.
“Of course she is, I was kidding.”
“And you, Miss good times?” Vax teased back, “What did you do all weekend?”
“Well, first I was at work,” Vex started to count on her fingers, “Couple of hours of archery training, because I had a shit ton of saved up range time, and then Percy and I went to visit the bears. The usual, I guess.”
“Percy and you, huh?” Vax grinned.
“Looks like I’m not the only one making new friends,” Vex replied in her most haughty tone.
“Oh yes,” Vax drew quotation mark into the air, “Friends.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah shut up.”
Vax leaned up on his elbows and peered over at Vex. “So, what is up with that? You and him.”
“Suddenly, I’m remembering that I have work to do,” Vex deadpanned, reaching for her laptop. Vax gave her an amused look. Not that Vex was ever particularly forthcoming about who she was seeing, so fine by him. He’d find out eventually.
“Gods, I hate this course,” Vax grumbled after trying to work for all of thirty seconds.
“Hm,” Vex barely looked up, “You do know that no one is forcing you to be here, right?”
Vax let out an unimpressed snort. Always Vex and her logic and reasoning. “The money I’ve wasted on this degree so far would beg to differ.” Not to mention that Vex was here and he never went far from her. This was how it always was for him, and nothing could ever change that. Vex called the shots and he followed suit, always strung along by the tether that seemed to bind them together, inevitable.
“Whatever you say. Oh, Percy, hey.”
Vax spun around on his chair and found himself facing Percy and his stupid coat and his stupid round glasses.
“Vex’ahlia.” Vax watched Percy and his sister exchange some definitively moon-eyed looks and immediately got annoyed. Didn’t Percy know that Vex had a nickname for a reason? No one ever called her Vex’ahlia because she hated the name. Because Syldor was the only one who ever used it.
Percy, wholly oblivious to Vax’s glares, took a seat next to Vex. “And what are you two doing?”
Vex tilted her head up at him. “I’m working, Vax is complaining.”
“As per usual, then.”
“And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Vax asked sharply.
Percy eyed Vax, then shrugged like he thought Vax’s reaction was quite unwarranted and irrational. “I just mean that Vex is a really hard worker and you’re… not.”
Vax felt his temper rise. Percy started fucking his sister and figured he could suddenly have an opinion on Vax’s life? Sure as fuck not. Just who did he think he was?
“How about you just mind your own business, De Rolo?” Vax asked coolly.
Percy just shrugged again. “I’m just saying that you’re really smart, you would do a lot better for yourself if you actually put in some effort.”
“Don’t fucking patronize me,” Vax snarled.
Percy, still way too calm for Vax’s liking, said: “Well, I’m just saying,” already half focused on his stupid tablet. Was there nothing he could do to rouse Percy from this obnoxious composure?
“Yeah, yeah you’re just saying,” Vax sneered, mockery mingling with real, rising fury, “You think you’re so much smarter than the rest of us, don’t you? Oh so smart, oh so genius Percy, never has to worry about anything. What do you even know about hard work if you’ve had everything handed to you on a silver platter?” Gods he was so sick of all of this. Without waiting for any reaction, Vax got up and stomped out of the library.
“What a dick move,” Vax mumbled to himself. He was standing outside the library unsure of what to do. The snow was slowly seeping into his shoes just as a guilty feeling was slowly starting to trickle into him. Dick move, indeed. On his side. He felt bad, a little at least, and his sinking feeling of dread was exacerbated by the knowledge that Vex would rip him apart later.
He continued to hover on the library front steps, trying to figure out what to do next because he definitely wasn’t going back in and apologizing to Percy. That was off the table, curtesy of his pride. Why couldn’t he just like Percy? Vex did, so he couldn’t be entirely detestable. Alright, Vax had to admit, he did not actually hate Percy. They’d gotten along before, it was more that… No, he didn’t really envy Percy, either, certainly not for having an easy life.
He was probably just being protective over Vex. The realization made him feel like an idiot. They were adults, for gods’ sake. His sister didn’t need him to look out for her, let alone protect her. Really, she’d never needed him to. It had always been him who needed her more than anything.

***

Vax was sitting cramped in at his overcluttered desk, actually trying to focus on summarizing some older lecture slides, while music was tinnily blaring from his phone. He was doing work because he had chosen to, obviously, not because Percy had told him to. Nonetheless, he hated it and was only doing it begrudgingly. Look at him being a responsible adult, he thought wearily, dredging through work that neither interested nor greatly benefitted him. What a success. Despite it being freezing cold outside, snow falling again, his room felt stiflingly hot, and fog was creeping up his window, slowly rendering the outside blurred and milky. The joys of inhabiting a broom closet sharing a wall with the boiler room. He was really living the high life here.
He almost welcomed the distraction when his door slammed open and Vex stormed in.
“What the fuck, Vax,” she said, without any preamble, “That was so out of line.”
Vax gave her an irritated look. “And Percy wasn’t? Out of line, that is.”
“Of course he was and trust me, I ripped him a new one! But so were you!” There was a desperation creeping into her voice now, one that Vax knew all too well would soon spill over into tears. “Fucking idiots, the pair of you!”
“Vex,” Vax said carefully, “I- You seem quite upset about this. I promise, it wasn’t actually that big of a deal, not to me at least. I’m really not that upset about what Percy said.”
Vex rolled her eyes “That’s not… Ugh. Never mind.”
“No, hey.” Vax got up and carefully placed his hands on her arms. “Hey, tell me what’s wrong.”
“I just… Well, I’m happy, actually, really happy but there are you, my two favorite people, oh come on don’t look at me like this, who can’t stop bickering and fighting. Can I never fucking have anything nice?”
“Sorry,” Vax grumbled, “I’ll try to be nicer to your boyfriend.”
“See!” Vex sounded more frustrated by the second, fists clenched at her side. “Again, with that fucking attitude! What’s your problem with him, seriously? I don’t get it!”
Vax sighed. “I don’t really have a problem with him at all. He’s just a little pompous and… Stubby, I just don’t want you to get hurt, that’s all.”
Vex eyes widened at him using her childhood nickname, something he hadn’t done in years, but she took a step back from him. “I appreciate that, but really, it’d be a lot less hurtful for me if you guys just got along, my gods.”
“Yeah, I’m sorry. I’ll try to be better.”
Vex gave him a slim smile. “Thanks, Vax.”
“Well, only if does as well.”
“Alright,” Vex heaved a heavy sigh, “Sure. I can live with that.”
“Hey, uh…” Vax turned to find Keyleth, awkwardly in the doorframe.
“Hi,” him and Vex said almost in complete unison. Keyleth grinned, then immediately cast a worried look at the two of them.
“I- Sorry, is this a bad time? I just, uh, here, I got a Greenseekers book for you, Vax and, uh…,” another stressed out look bouncing from him, to Vex, and back, “Well, either way, I’ll just leave it here and, uh, yeah, bye!” Vax watched her carefully set a thin volume down on his bed, turn around and leave, glancing back at him with a small smile as she closed the door.
Vax stared after her for a moment, trying to adjust to the small flutter in his chest and stomach, the way even briefly seeing her like this set him at ease. He absentmindedly picked up the book and ran his thumb over the creases in the spine. Fuck, he really was quite in love with her.
“You could’ve told her to stay,” Vex interrupted his thoughts, “I was about to go anyways. Also, Vax, what’s with the heart eyes?”
“I- Nothing? What heart eyes?” He added, hastily.
“Hm, whatever you say,” Vex made her way out the door, “Just don’t break her heart, alright? I’m watching you.”

Chapter Text

“It’s just that I feel like he never takes me, or anyone else for that matter, seriously,” Vex said, “He’s a bit of a dick, generally, that’s all.”
Keyleth had been busy reorganizing her favorite playlist, really the only one she listened to, when Vex had started complaining about one of her classes. Now here they were, Vex painting her nails and ranting and Keyleth listening.
“Which professor is that again?” Keyleth asked, setting her phone down.
“Uh,” Vex carefully ran the little applicator along her cuticle, “Terys, that’s his name, I think? He does history related stuff, mostly, gods know why I even have to take that shit. Maybe I should take a leaf out of Vax’s book and just not go.”
“Oh,” Keyleth sighed, “Yeah, Terys. I had him, like, last semester? No that can’t be right, must’ve been two or three ago… Anyways, yeah, he’s awful about extensions and that kind of stuff, mind you, I’m usually really good about handing in my things on time, I just needed a little more time once, because my anxiety was really bad and he just gave me this lecture on time management and flat out refused.” As soon as she closed her mouth, she couldn’t help but groan inwardly at herself. Vex had been trying to say something and as always, she couldn’t keep herself from interjecting with her own opinion no one had asked for.
“Oh yeah,” Vex said, “Basically the same for me. It wasn’t even about an extension, I just had a question about something in the material I know for a fact we didn’t cover and he basically blew me off and told me to pay better attention next time.”
“Classic.”
“Hm,” Vex screwed the nail polish shut and dropped down onto her back, flapping her hands above her face. Keyleth noticed her staring at her bow for a second, then she sighed. “Gods, this sucks. I hate winter, I want to go outside, but no, I have to risk getting frostbite every time I do apparently.”
Keyleth laughed. “Gods, me too. Are you doing archery inside at the moment?”
“Yeah. And it’s not great, let me tell you.” Vex paused, “Well, with the little ones it’s not too bad. It’s actually easier to keep an eye on them inside that way. And anyways, they don’t have anywhere near enough strength to do any serious damage if an arrow misses the target a little. But it’s really annoying for me when I train because I really can’t afford to make mistakes without breaking things. Anyways… Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask! Have you been to see the bears lately?”
“Uh, no,” Keyleth said, surprised, “Not too recently. Why?”
“Oh just, well, I keep thinking about you saying that you can talk to them? And I was just up there a few days ago and I kept wondering what kinds of things they would talk about if I could understand them.”
“Ah, right! Well, I guess you know that, but almost none of them were born there, most are rescues? Which means that a lot of them are a bit confused as to how they ended up there, but, you know, it’s definitely not a bad place for them! Most of them enjoy living there, from what I know, there’s just this one…,” Keyleth giggled, “Well, you might know which one I’m talking about anyways, but she’s this kind of smaller black bear and she’s really, really grumpy. She’s a little bit my favorite, to be honest. Who- I mean, do you have a favorite?”
Vex laughed. “Yeah, Trinket. He’s this really big brown boy, you know which one, right? Did you grow up around a lot of animals?”
“Well, I guess so?” Keyleth shrugged, “My dad was always busy, so we only ever had a couple of goldfish, but a lot of our neighbors kept goats and stuff, and there was always a ton of dogs and cats and mice and bunnies and birds and what have you around.”
“Oh, that sounds lovely. We only had this old cat in Byroden, but he died before we left. Quite the grouchy old man, Matt. I can‘t wait to have my own pets one day, though.”
Keyleth laughed. “Matt is such a non-cat name, I love it. Just makes me think of a guy in a sweater vest, you know? But… yeah, I love animals and I actually really miss that.”
“Do you generally miss home a lot?” Vex asked.
“I- Uh.” Keyleth paused. That really wasn’t something she wanted to get into right now, let alone think about, so she settled on: “Well, Emon is really big, and I still haven’t fully gotten used to that, I think. So, uh, if I could choose universities again, I probably wouldn’t choose EmU again but something in a smaller town. But then Zephrah is really off the map, that, and the hour-long drives to get literally anywhere I really don’t miss. I’d… I’d, uh, guess you don’t miss Syngorn much based on what Vax told me?”
Vex threw her a look, hard to decipher. “Vax, huh?”
“Oh uh, well,” Keyleth immediately felt like she’d committed a serious faux pas. “I mean, I asked him about, you know, what it was like? But maybe I shouldn’t have, was that really inappropriate? I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to assume and…”
“Oh gods,” Vex laughed, “Keyleth, calm down, it’s totally fine, trust me. I’m really surprised he opened up to you like this, that’s all, he usually doesn’t do that.”
“Ah, alright,” Keyleth squeaked. She was blushing, she could feel it, her face growing hotter by the second. She knew Vax was reserved, of course, she’d seen him around others after all, and there was something about Vex outright telling her that he was different around her than others that made her smile. She often felt like there weren’t too many people that cared all that much about her, but Vax did. Enough to open up to her. Something about knowing that made her heart flutter. Not in a fearful way, like a butterfly’s wings pattering against her ribcage, building up into an almost painful hammering, more like a swarm of bumblebees, still buzzing, still there, but slower and gentler. It wasn’t quite a feeling she was used to, but she liked it. How very wonderful it was to be considered a friend by someone.

***

“That was quick. Did you like it?” Keyleth took the Green Seekers Vax was holding out to her.
Vax nodded, depositing the box of food he’d brought on Vex’s desk. “I did! Amazing how fast you can read when you neglect all responsibilities for a few days.”
Keyleth sighed. “Idiot. You shouldn’t do that, you know. Also…,” she paused, “Hey, I- Did I walk into something when I gave you the book? It seemed really… I don’t know, tense?”
“Uh,” Vax seemed to be racking his memory, coming up empty. “Oh!” He said at last, “Yeah, no, I know. I, well Percy and I butted heads a little bit and Vex was just giving me a piece of her mind about it. She was pretty upset at both of us, so, that’s what you would’ve seen, I think.”
“Uh. That… That doesn’t sound great? I’ve been holed up in here studying a little bit so I didn’t… Well,” Keyleth added, slightly annoyed, “It’s not like Vex ever tells me anything, apparently.” She couldn’t help but feel a little stung. She considered Vex her friend, and she’d felt like Vex saw her the same way, but maybe that’d just been the fantasies of a lonely girl in need of more friends. Maybe she was meant to be forever relegated to the roommate, good enough to rant at but never important enough to be trusted with anything significant.
“Are you guys okay, though? You and Percy and Vex?” Keyleth asked. Typical her, mad at Vex and yet, she couldn’t help but worry.
Vax jumped up on Keyleth’s bed, back against the wall, legs crossed. “Sure, yeah. Honestly, I think the entire thing upset Vex more than Percy and me.”
“I mean,” Keyleth combed her fingers through her hair, “I think I’d also be upset if my… boyfriend, I guess, and Percy, who, you know, is kind of like my brother, were fighting?”
“Mm, would you.” Vax said, vaguely, half eyeing her sideways and Keyleth couldn’t help but notice the way the light from the candle above her bed caught in his eyes – The outer ring green like hers, but a light brown with darker specks towards his iris. The dancing flames lend them a golden shine too, almost iridescent. Keyleth had to tear her attention away, fidgeting with her bedsheets instead.
“Also,” she said quickly, before Vax could realize that she’d been staring, “I know you mean so, so much to Vex. She’d never admit that, but I bet she’s secretly craving your, like, approval of the people she cares about and wants you to like them as well.”
Vax gave her a long, contemplative look. “That’s… very astute, actually. You’re really observant.” He sighed. “Does that mean I have to apologize to Percy?”
“Do you want to?” Keyleth asked, “I think it’s only gonna do so much if you really meant whatever nasty things you said to him.”
Vax seemed to contemplate for a moment. “I guess I did, but so did he and I think we were both sort of right, just wrong in the way we said it.”
“Then apologize for that,” Keyleth suggested, then she added: “Just because, he won’t.” She laughed, “Love him, but he’s stubborn that way. Show him you’re the bigger person. Set a good example.”
“What are we, five?” Vax grumbled, then he sighed. “Fine. Once I’m done with my mountains of uni shit. Summit Peaks can’t compete.”
“Entirely your own fault for spending all day reading,” Keyleth grinned, “Don’t let me keep you.”
“Sure…,” Vax showed no sign of moving off her bed, “Maybe we could study together?”
Keyleth knew this had very little to do with her, Vax just needed someone in the room with him who made sure he didn’t get distracted. Still, she enjoyed entertaining her little delusions that he really did want to spend time with her.
“Sounds like a plan!”

It was strange, Keyleth thought half an hour later. She usually avoided study groups as best she could because she needed quiet to focus and the results were usually better when she was just left alone anyways. Even Percy and Vex usually distracted her when she was trying to get something done, but with Vax, it wasn’t like that at all. He wasn’t exactly quiet, but something about his breathing, him shifting in the chair, clicking his pen, the rustling of his clothes, put Keyleth at ease. The same peace of mind that came with being alone, but the comfort of having someone else close by.
Her phone’s shrill ringtone tore her out of her focus. Immediately, a wave of dread washed over her. She hated phone calls with a passion, so she had every contact muted. Except for one.
“Hey, do you mind if I take that?”
Vax laughed. “It’s your room, do whatever you want. Do you want me to leave?”
“No, stay,” Keyleth said quickly. Please, she added silently, I need some moral support here.
Not being able to ignore her obnoxiously vibrating phone any longer, she slid the green button over. “Hey Dad.”
“Hey, dear, how are you? Just wanted to check on you.”
“Oh!” Keyleth said. She could already feel her hands starting to sweat. “Cool, yeah! I, you know me, everything is fine, I’m great!”
She could feel Vax look over from across the room, eyebrows slightly raised. Did it sound wrong? Too excited? Not excited enough? Was she not selling it?
Keyleth could almost hear Korrin’s smile through the phone, along with some faint clanking, like he was doing the dishes while talking. “That’s wonderful. Hey, I just wanted to ask what your plans are for Winter’s Crest this year? Are you coming home?”
“Right!” Keyleth allowed herself to relax a tiny bit. This was safe ground. Mostly. Somewhere between making fun of the kitschy decorations with Percy a week ago and now, Winter’s Crest had completely slipped her mind. The last two years, Keyleth had spent the majority of her break at home, mostly on account of Percy taking his sister on their annual De Rolo getaway and Pike taking Grog to stay at her grandpa’s, but now? Vax had already complained about having to work on the morning of Winter’s Crest, so she knew him and Vex were staying, so she might as well, though the mental image of her dad spending the holidays on his own made an uncomfortable trickle of guilt drip down Keyleth’s spine. Even so, she had to admit that she much preferred the idea of spending her break here, with her friends.
“I don’t know yet,” she said, vaguely, “I think I have some things to take care of here, so maybe just for a few days?”
“Oh yeah,” Korrin said, “That’s alright. If you have work to do, that should come first, of course. Speaking of, how are your classes going?”
There it was, Keyleth thought with a hint of bitterness, her heart jumping to her throat, had she really thought he actually wanted to know how she was doing? Of course not. All he cared about was how well she was performing. “Good,” she said, “Everything’s fine.”
“Well,” Korrin suddenly sounded much sterner, gentle, caring father gone. “Didn’t you just say you’d have a lot of work over the break? Keylie, you shouldn’t need that much time to catch up on your work, are you falling behind again?” He let out an indignant huff, loud enough to make Keyleth flinch away from the phone, “I thought we’d been over that. You should be past that by now. You’re old enough to know how to manage your time, yeah?”
“I- It’s not like that!” Keyleth protested, a sad attempt to convince herself, more than her dad, fighting against the feeling of her heart, anxiously fluttering in her chest, all while a familiar self-doubt rose up in her before she could even finish the sentence. She thought she’d been trying her best, but what if she wasn’t? She was so tired and just the thought of working even harder made her want to cry. She felt so overwhelmed. But he was right, wasn’t he? Maybe she did need to be better, seeing as even two years in, she still needed her dad to tell her how to do things, like the fucking failure she was.
“See,” she tried to explain after taking a deep breath, turned away from the phone so he wouldn’t hear, “It’s more that I have ongoing projects here, with my plants and stuff, you know how it is. That’s all I meant!”
“Right, regardless. My point still stands, doesn’t it,” Korrin replied, “I am spending a lot of money on your education, Keyleth, and I don’t want you slacking off, alright?”
Keyleth tried to bite back the indignation rising in her. Slacking off? Her? Did he even know her? Did he know on how much she’d missed out on, because she didn’t know how to take a break? “I know that,” she hurried to reassure him, “I promise, everything is okay!”
“Alright, then,” his voice was warm again, as if he’d never scolded her in the first place, “Let me know about Winter’s Crest, alright? I’m looking forward to seeing you, now, have a good day, alright? Bye.”
“Bye.”
Stifling a groan, Keyleth dropped her phone onto the mattress next to her to resist the urge to haul it against the wall and buried her face in her hands, trying to still her racing thoughts, to keep herself from spiraling. Deep breaths. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t…
“Hey, Kiki, are you alright?”
Fuck.
She’d forgotten Vax was still there, sitting right across from her on his sister’s bed.
Don’t cry, she repeated silently, don’t cry, almost like a chant, desperately trying to will the tears out of her eyes, the lump out of her throat. Not in front of him. He wasn’t supposed to see her like this, he couldn’t, she didn’t…
“Everything okay?” He repeated.
The concern in his voice, the gentle tone, felt like a well-placed punch to somewhere right around her sternum and that, more than anything, pushed her over, tears welling up in her eyes and this time, there was no holding them back. With a sinking feeling of utter defeat, Keyleth found herself silently weeping into her arms. With her whole body shaking and blood rushing in her ears, she didn’t notice Vax get up until he gently touched her shoulder.
Sniffling, Keyleth made herself glance up at him. She probably looked a mess, hair sticking to her tear-streaked face, snotty nose, eyes bloodshot. Red-hot shame rose up in her. She wanted to turn away, tell him to leave, but Vax, eyes soft with worry, tentatively reached out his arms to her and… What was she even fighting? Last line of defense dropped, she let herself slump against his chest, warm and solid and… fuck. The second he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, she was sobbing again. She didn’t even know why. It felt like every emotion she’d kept pent up over the last few days, weeks, even, came spilling out right then and there.
Vax let her cry it out, gentle fingers running through her hair, and she could feel his breath catching against her skin. Keyleth had never been a very physically affectionate person, not like others, Pike for instance, were. She didn’t love hugs and casual touches, not really, but in that moment, Vax’s arms around her felt like the most comforting place in the world. She’d noticed it at the climbing center too, how easily his heartbeat against her body, his smell, the soft feel of his shirt on her bare skin, managed to calm her down. Still sniffling, she shifted and leaned her head against his shoulder. For a second, she hoped he’d adjust with her, pull her back in, but instead he let go of her and shuffled a few inches away, looking at her.
“Hey, are you…,” he cleared his throat, “Do you want to talk about it?”
She didn’t. All Keyleth wanted was to stay with him, where she felt safe, but she didn’t quite dare move closer again. Maybe he felt like it was too much.
“Maybe, yeah, it’s… My dad, uh…” Gods, explaining it made it sound so stupid and trivial. She took a deep breath. “He likes to pressure me a bit, about grades and whatnot, and I guess I could be better at handling it, that’s all.”
Vax gave her a long, contemplative look. “See,” he finally said, “I don’t get it, I really don’t. You keep saying that stuff, that you’re struggling. That you’re not good at the things you can do and, okay, maybe if that were true, then… like, I’d understand? Why he’s like that? But it’s not. I know I’ve told you before, but I see you, maybe better than you see yourself, honestly, and you are capable, in every way, pretty much. You’re so smart, in all the ways that count, exceptional, really, and you have some really badass magic. You know that, right?”
Keyleth sighed. She half wished Vax hadn‘t asked. She didn‘t want to talk about it. On the other hand, Vax had opened up to her more than once. Didn‘t he deserve having the favor returned? And anyways, Keyleth realized that if she had to tell anyone, Vax was who she would‘ve picked. Finally caving to herself, Keyleth scooted over and leaned back against him. To her relief, he didn’t move away when her shoulder touched his, so she allowed herself to relax a little more, lean on him a little harder.
“Well, okay,“ she said, “Here‘s the thing. I- When I was a little kid, I was really good at, you know, all the druidic magic. Druid magic is… you can learn it, but it gives you a massive head start if you‘re born with some inherent powers, like I was. Add to that some elemental powers I get from my Ashari heritage and… Well, I was a pretty powerful preschooler, so much so that my parents, who are both powerful mages themselves, decided to tutor me at home to give me the best support. Well, there’s a few other reasons, but, uh… doesn’t really matter. Anyways, at first that worked really well, I went to school a few days a week and on the other days my parents took turns giving me special lessons and stuff. And… then my mom left, when I was seven. My Dad wasn’t handling it very well, from what I can remember anyways. Not that I blame him, obviously, it was hard for everyone, but he ended up going kind of crazy with it. He completely pulled me from school, and it was just magic training all day every day, spells, spells, spells. I only realized it as I got older, but he did pressure me a lot even then, always under the guise that it’s what my mom would have wanted. Which… Is a bit fucked up to do to your young child, right?
“Fast forward to when I‘m seventeen and finished with primary education, and he decides that college is the thing you do, so I had to take a bunch of tests to prove that I was fit for college because, you know, I was homeschooled for the most part and I still remember how incredibly stressed out I was. I had always been generally kind of… prone to worrying, but I think that’s when my anxiety got really bad for the first time. I barely slept and kind of stopped eating, too, because I was just so anxious all the time. It was fine, in the end, I got the grades I needed, went off to college… and that’s where everything really went to shit. I-,“ she sighed, “This is gonna sound so stupid, but… In Zephrah I was always the smartest, the most gifted, the one with the strongest powers, and everyone told me so. Then I get here and suddenly I‘m just… some girl. I was actually slightly ahead with my magic, but obviously, there is a lot of theoretical science in my degree that I really wasn’t prepared for at all, and I started really struggling, something I wasn’t used to at all and that fucked with my head, badly. I was never the most confident person to begin with but here, living on my own, falling behind in all my classes, it just got so much worse. I felt so fucking alone, and I was basically living in a state of constant anxiety, and that kind of blocked my magic, too, so now I couldn’t even rely on that, and I was basically always one minor inconvenience away from a panic attack meltdown. So, to avoid the panic triggers, I stopped engaging with any of my work, barely went to class, stopped practicing. If I can’t live up to my own standard anyways, why even try, right? And, to be fair, it sort of helped with the panic, except it made me feel like a lazy, incapable piece of shit to the point where I was just in bed all day obsessing about how much I sucked, how much my Dad must hate me, how it‘s probably my fault my mom left because I‘m such a complete and utter disappointment… good times.“ Winding her hair around her fingers, she tried to force out a laugh, but it came out like a mangled cough. Just repeating it now threatened to push her back into that mindset, the constant feeling of failing everyone who cared about her, the constant anxiety, the self-hatred fueled tirades against herself that usually left her feeling like everyone might be better off if she just… disappeared.
“Anyways,“ she continued hastily, “End of the semester rolls around, I haven‘t even taken half my exams and failed most of the ones I did take. Because I wasn’t quite eighteen yet, my grade report gets sent to my dad and that‘s when he finds out what‘s been going on. He’s furious, of course he is, because I‘d obviously been lying to him all semester long. And… I think he couldn‘t admit to himself that maybe the foundation he‘d given me wasn‘t as solid as he‘d thought, because then he‘d have to admit that it‘s at least partly his fault and we can‘t have that, can we? So instead of trying to figure out what‘s wrong, and why I’m struggling he started pressuring me intensely, daily calls, made me sign something that‘d allow the college to continue to share my grades with him and all that. Which didn‘t help, obviously. Pike was the one that pulled me out in the end.“ Keyleth let out another laugh, overcome with affection for her old roommate for a moment, “Gods know she has enough going on as is, but she sat down with me, every day, just being there while I forced myself to catch up, helping me through it when I had panic attacks and… It worked. It was fucking rough, but I did it. I somehow managed to take and pass two semesters‘ worth of exams and… It got easier after that. Magic is still a little bit difficult because somewhere along the way I stopped trusting myself and sort lost my intuition and relearning it has been… an ongoing struggle. Other than that, I’m fine. My anxiety is a lot better, my grades are good and keeping them up requires, like, the normal amount of work. But… yeah, that‘s why I still stress about everything so much because… technically, it‘s fine. I‘m doing okay. But in my head, I‘m always one misstep away from failing, from everything getting really bad again. And… obviously, my Dad feels the same because he doesn‘t trust me to do this on my own at all, and… well, he‘s paying for me to be here and I have lied to him before, so he‘s well within his rights to do that, it just stresses me out, that‘s all.“
She swallowed hard and looked up at Vax for the first time. He exhaled slowly. “Fuck, Kiki, that‘s intense, I had no idea. I,“ he reached over and very gently pushed her hair, frizzled from toying with it, out of her face. Keyleth inhaled sharply, but despite being flustered already, held his gaze intently, even as she started to flush, face so hot it was probably glowing red, even hotter where Vax’s fingers traced her skin. Vax just smiled.
“I know that might not mean very much since I‘ve only known you for a few months,“ he finally said, lightly keeping his hand resting at the side of her face, “But you‘ve come so far and I am so very proud of you.“
“I- uh, thanks,“ Keyleth mumbled, her throat thick with tears again. “Really, that, that does mean a lot. I- Yeah.“ She swallowed. For Gods‘ sake she couldn‘t just start crying every time she didn‘t know what else to do with her feelings. “Let‘s, uh… Why don‘t we watch a movie?“ She asked after a deep breath and successfully getting her emotions back into check. “I know we wanted to study but I don‘t think I‘m up for that now? I mean…“ She looked over at Vax, trying to gauge his reaction. She‘d just dumped her life story onto him, maybe he needed a break from her. Not that she‘d blame him, but right now she was desperate for him not to leave her alone to rehash all her worst days endlessly.
Vax laughed. “You? Keeping me from studying? Kiki, is that you or a mimic? But you know me, any distraction is welcome. There’s a new Darrington Brigade movie, don’t know if it’s as good as the old ones, but worth a try?”
Keyleth nodded. “Oh yeah, I’ve been meaning to watch that one as well!” She wasn’t sure if Vax’s and her taste in movies really was that eerily similar, down to liking the same comedy adventure movies or if he had just figured out what she liked and adapted to it, but either way, she wasn’t complaining if it meant they got to watch her lighthearted childhood favorites.
“Hazel was always my favorite when I was younger,” Keyleth said, barely ten minutes into the movie, “I love the way she talks. But honestly, I’m getting more partial towards Damian now.”
Vax grinned. “It’s because they’re both ginger, isn’t it?”
“No!” Keyleth protested, half-heartedly, even though that was absolutely the reason she liked the loud dwarven character and the little half-elven criminal the most. “Who’s your favorite?”
Vax shrugged. “Buddy is fucking funny, but honestly The Owlbear goes the hardest, I mean come on. He has daggers. Can’t compete with that.”
“Oh you mean to tell me dark and brooding characters with daggers are your favorites? What a surprise,” Keyleth teased, “And anyways, Hazel. She’s a one woman band. How fun is that?”
They went on talking about the movie, the characters, eventually crossing over to other topics and Keyleth only noticed how long they’d been talking when her laptop screen suddenly went black. This went on for quite a while, her and Vax barely making any headway with the movie because they got distracted so much and it was only when the credits finally scrolled over the screen that Keyleth realized just how late it’d gotten. Vax seemed to have that effect on her, and Keyleth had could’ve squealed with how giddy and happy and warm inside she felt, right now especially, but really, any time she’d been around him lately. He was such a great friend, making her feel so comfortable that it was a little bit like coming home. Or the way coming home should feel, seeing as she’d never in her life felt as good about coming home as she did about spending time with Vax doing nothing, studying, or watching stupid movies they had long outgrown.
“Uh, I think I’m gonna…,” Vax cut himself off with a massive yawn.
“Oh gods, yes sorry! Sorry, I’ve kept you way to long!”
Vax laughed. “My pleasure. And Kiki? Stop apologizing, alright?”

***

Look who got ice cream 😊
Keyleth stopped to unlock her phone to yet another selfie of Vex and Vax, sitting under a sunny, blue sky, Catha faintly visible over the horizon, both holding massive ice cream cones.
Looks great, Keyleth messaged Vax back, just like the last 3 pictures of obscenely big ice cream u sent me
While Winter’s Crest drew ever nearer in Tal’Dorei, streets caked in a seemingly permanent layer of gray snow and ice, the twins were currently somewhere in Marquet, which seemed significantly nicer this time of year. Not that Keyleth was jealous, it was a class trip after all and whenever Vax wasn’t barraging her with food pictures, he was complaining about being dragged to different historical sites and museums. Keyleth also suspected that this had cost the both of them a fortune, the portal costs to Marquet alone had to be excessive, but they had gone anyways, most likely trying to keep up with their classmates. Whatever their reasoning, Keyleth was a little glad to have her room to herself for an entire week. If she was being honest, she wasn’t missing Vex very much at all, which made her feel a bit bad. She liked Vex, she really did, but recently she’d had to come to face the fact that maybe Vex didn’t consider them to be as close as Keyleth had. And in any case, the peace in her room and the freedom to sing along to her favorite songs was pretty nice regardless of her qualms with Vex at the moment.
She did miss Vax though, she’d noticed. On the one hand, it made sense. They’d been spending a lot of time together recently, and she considered him one of her closest friends, the person she wanted to talk to when she was upset, the person she wanted to tell when something good or nice or even mildly interesting happened. Still, it was strange, if only because it had been so long since she’d cared enough about anyone in her life to seriously miss them if she didn’t see them for a few days.
There’d been her mom of course and Keyleth vaguely remembered being a little kid holed up in her room crying herself to sleep because she missed her mom so much it hurt for months on end. But it was different with Vax. He wasn’t really gone, and she wasn’t quite sure how she could possibly be missing someone who she still talked to daily, with his constant texts with updates and pictures of him and Vex and really anything and everything they’d been up to. The fact remained, though, that she thought about Vax much more than she could ever remember doing previously, that she found herself wandering up to his room just to remember that he wasn’t there.
In any case, she was now braving the imminent snowstorm to meet up with Pike in a coffee shop, because who was to say that she hadn’t spontaneously turned into an extrovert and simply felt like she missed Vax because she was spending too much time on her own?
“Keyleth!” Pike pulled her into a tight hug, somewhere around Keyleth’s waist and for once, Keyleth found herself hugging Pike back instead of just waiting for it to be over as she normally would have. This was another change she’d noticed. Lately, she found herself craving physical closeness more often than she’d ever had in her life. Pike didn’t say anything but gave Keyleth an extra squeeze before letting go, which Keyleth accepted, gratefully.
“By the way,” Pike said after ordering for both of them, “I’m meeting up with a few people later for some course work, so I don’t have ages, I hope that’s fine. How’ve you been?”
“That’s fine, no worries. Uh,” Keyleth accepted the cup of coffee, taking a careful sip that immediately scorched her tongue. She didn’t have the heart to tell Pike that she was sticking to tea for the moment, anything herbal without caffeine, just an extra step to keep her anxiety in check. “Yeah, no, classes have been good, actually. I think I’m finally getting somewhere with my magic,” she laughed, “About time, right, I mean the semester’s almost over anyways. But, uh yeah.” For a change, she wasn’t even lying. Wildshape birds still weren’t easy for her, but her entire class was struggling with those right now, so it wasn’t just her and even presenting in her casting classes was working out fine. Sure, she still got incredibly nervous and regularly felt like she might throw up in the middle of the greenhouse, but at least she was finally figuring out how to push past that, how to access her magic despite feeling like the world was ending and producing alright results.
“I mean,” she said, “I still have that final presentation for sociology coming up, with Vax and Percy and Vex and it’s not really going anywhere right now. But, really, that’s whatever. You know me! Always stressing about unimportant shit!” In the beginning, everyone had been at least decently motivated to put in the work. Now, though, Keyleth found that it was more difficult to get Percy and both twins in the same place at the same time than it was to catch a swarm of rampaging pixies and Keyleth knew which one she would’ve preferred doing. Sure, Percy was spending almost every day at his quite demanding work placement, so one could argue that he had an excuse, but the same couldn’t be said about Vex and Vax. Keyleth knew for a fact that they both had enough free time, but both had developed a habit of just shrugging off her concerns about the project, so she’d stopped bringing it up. Why even try?
“And how’s everything with you?”
“I- Good!” Something passed over Pike’s face, but she quickly caught herself and put on a smile, a little bit too bright to be entirely real.
Keyleth eyed Pike. “Hm.”
“Ugh,” Pike rolled her eyes. “You know me too well, you know that? Worth a try.”
Keyleth laughed. “You spent a year being my therapist, trust me, I will be there for you until the end of times, whatever you want to talk about I’ll listen. Promise.”
“It’s actually fine,” Pike insisted, wobbling back and forth on the back legs of her chair, tilting it back so far Keyleth was worried it might tip over, “I just. Okay. So. Sometimes I struggle with my faith a little, right? And I know you aren’t really into the whole Gods thing, so maybe you don’t know but that’s really normal! I mean, everyone questions things in their life sometimes, and it just happens to be the Everlight for me right now. But,” Pike leaned forward, squishing her cheeks between her hands, “It sucks! Because my magic is tied to my faith and don’t get me wrong, I love that, usually. My religion and my magic being interwoven like this usually makes me feel so strong and loved and like whatever life throws at me, I’ll always have something by my side and won’t be left to deal with it on my own, but when I’m struggling and my magic immediately reacts to it, it hurts. It feels a little like I’m not allowed to question things and like I’m being punished for daring to have questions? And that’s not something I want from my faith! Anyways.”
“I-,” Keyleth didn’t know what to say. To her, this, the thumb the gods kept everyone under, was part of the reason she’d never felt any deeper connection to any of them, not the prime deities and certainly not the betrayer gods. Not to mention that Sarenrae was one of the more lenient deities anyways.
“I’m sorry,” she said, “Gods know I have experience struggling with magic, and that sounds like a really difficult thing to go through. And I know I’m not the most… pious person, but I see your pain, I promise. Is there anything you can do about that? Like, procedures to help with your magic?”
Pike nodded. “Yeah, I’ve been meditating a ton, trying to get in touch with the Everlight, finding that connection you know, similar to what you do to balance out your magic and prepare spells. But it’s, you know how it is. Emon is a lot and not the most spiritual place, so I’ve been thinking about heading to one of the big temples over Winter’s Crest, get some quiet me time.”
“Oh that sounds like fun.” Not for her, she was way too anxious to sit in a quiet temple for days on end. Pike, though, despite being the most high-energy, extroverted person Keyleth knew, had this calm, quiet side to her. Keyleth had always admired that about her, the way her friend was equally comfortable around others and by herself.
“Oh! Anyways!” Pike piped up and Keyleth couldn’t help but smile. There she was, loud, extroverted Pike. “I might have asked Scanlan on a date?”
“Really? That’s amazing! What’d he say?”
Pike laughed. “You know him, he made it weird because of course he would, but he said yes! And, I feel like I know him well enough that I could tell he was genuinely happy about it? But then again, I don’t know, maybe I’m just making that up.”
“No, I don’t think so,” Keyleth said.
Pike raised an eyebrow. “That sounded unusually confident.”
“I, uh,” Keyleth immediately felt awkward again, “It’s just that I’m pretty sure he’s liked you for a very long time, he’s just never been very good at actually showing it.”
“I- What?” Pike gave Keyleth a long, puzzled look. “Why’d you never say anything?”
Keyleth shrugged, slightly on the defense now. “Because you didn’t like him back until pretty recently, did you? You weren’t picking up on it, clearly, so I’d just ruined your friendship had I told you.”
“Hm. Maybe so, but I told you I liked him ages ago, why didn’t you tell me then?”
Keyleth laughed. “Because I was really, really drunk, sick and generally preoccupied with my own shit.”
“Alright, I see where you’re coming from,” Pike leaned forward, “Speaking of, how are you looking on the dating front?”
“Ah you know. Same old.”
“Uh!” Pike’s eyes lit up, “I should really set you up with someone! Just so you see dating isn’t scary! What kind of guys are your type? Wait,” she laughed, “I love how we’ve never talked about that, like, ever but are you even straight?”
Keyleth sighed. “Girl, I’ll let you know once I figure that one out.”
“Oh no, that’s a struggle,” Pike laughed. Keyleth shrugged.
“It’s not that big of a deal, really. I am actually really, really single and not really looking for anything so I feel like it doesn’t matter too much. At some point it’d be nice to know I guess, but right now I’m not too fussed about anything.” Not to mention that the whole thing felt incredibly confusing and overwhelming to her, so much so that she simply didn’t want to think about it.
“Hm,” Pike gave her a long, intense look, “What’s your type in women, then? Like… Hm, do you think… Do you think Vex is hot?”
“Uh,” Keyleth tried to ignore the tinge of annoyance. Hadn’t she just told Pike that she didn’t know and didn’t want to have to figure anything out right this second? Who was to say she even had a type in women when not knowing whether she liked them was her issue in the first place?
“Vex is really beautiful,” she said, mostly to placate Pike, “But I’m not into her or anything.” In fact, the idea of having feelings for Vex seemed quite laughable to her.
“I see, uh… Oh, I know! If you could hook up with anyone, famous or not, any gender, who’d you choose?”
“I- No idea. I don’t think I’ve thought about that in my life.”
“Really?” Pike gave her another intense look, “Alright, what about, remember that crime show you were always watching second year? You thought the main guy was hot, didn’t you? What about him?”
“I guess? He was cute in a TV show way, you know? Not someone I’d sleep with in real life. I don’t even know him, much less the actor.”
“Fair, I guess.” Pike suddenly focused on something behind Keyleth, “Kash! Hi!”
Keyleth whipped around, her heart jumping into her throat as she spotted the tall guy, chin length hair brushed out of his face. Somehow, despite Pike telling her that she’d be meeting up with some people from her classes, Keyleth hadn’t connected the dots that that would include Kashaw, quite honestly the last person Keyleth wanted to see after successfully avoiding him for two odd months.
“Oh!” Keyleth said, her voice sounding weirdly choked even to herself, “I- uh, I guess I’ll leave you to it, then.”
“Yup!” Pike grinned, “Hey, sorry I didn’t have much time today! See you soon, yeah?” And with that, Pike weaseled off to the bathroom, leaving Keyleth with her half-drunk coffee and Kash hovering at the table.
Keyleth frantically let her gaze wander through the café, desperately looking to flag down anyone whom she could pay with but the only waitress, a tiefling with deep purple skin and black hair tied into intricate braids, was currently busy with another customer.
After a few excruciating seconds, Kash pulled out the chair Pike had just vacated and sat down opposite Keyleth. “So… uh. Hi. How’ve you been?”
“Good, I guess?” Keyleth swallowed, her mouth sand dry. Gods, this was terrible, where was Pike? What was that waitress doing, was there no one else who worked here?
Kash took a deep breath. “Hey, uh, seeing as you’re here anyways, I’ve been meaning to talk to you.” Please, no. Talking through her feelings in a busy coffee shop while waiting for the bill was the last thing Keyleth wanted. She just stared at Kash who simply kept talking. “I’ve been reflecting on what happened, uh, between us and I wanted to apologize to you. In person. I didn’t really pick up on it in the moment because I was too busy with my own wants, but I’ve realized since then that you were obviously really uncomfortable. I shouldn’t have ignored that, and the entire moment shouldn’t have happened. I- I’m sorry for kissing you and not asking first.”
“Oh.” Keyleth was pleasantly surprised by his openness and genuine remorse, but only for a split second, before guilt washed over her. “I’m sorry as well,” she said, “We were both drunk and on top of that we barely know each other so it’d be pretty unreasonable of me to expect you to recognize that I wasn’t feeling it, and I mean, I did keep saying yes. That’s not on you.”
“Well,” Kash said gruffly, “You must’ve felt pressured by me to keep saying yes, so. You really don’t have to justify my shittiness, I know I was in the wrong here.”
“That’s not…,” Keyleth started, but then changed her mind. How was she supposed to explain that it wasn’t Kash who’d made her felt pressured, it had been her own stupid expectations, the desperation to fit in with everyone else and make out with a near stranger at a bar? There was probably no good way to say that.
“Thanks, for apologizing. I’ve gotta go, can you tell Pike I’ll send her the money for the coffee? Bye.”

Gods, Keyleth thought when she stepped outside, why was she like this? She knew for a fact that she didn’t like Kash, not in that way, not now and not two months ago and that, inexplicably, annoyed her. He was the first, and as far as she knew only, person who had ever shown any serious signs of being into her and here she was, getting an anxiety attack just thinking about him. They’d kissed, for fuck’s sake, her first kiss and she hadn’t even enjoyed it. Not that she had wanted to kiss Kash in the first place, but still. Maybe, Keyleth mused, trudging along the sidewalk back to campus, that didn’t count though, seeing as she didn’t even know what it’d feel like to want to kiss someone.
Unbidden, as if the mere thought of kissing had been enough to summon them, Keyleth was suddenly overwhelmed with images and impressions. Flashes of dark hair, eyes fading from green to amber, smiles and laughs, the way Vax smelled, sandalwood and jasmine and cheap laundry detergent, the way she felt comfortable around him like she did around no one else. How badly she wanted to be near him, physically, close enough to touch, feel him, feel his hands on her face, his skin on hers. The thought was enough to make her feel hot, to make her skin burn. It was surprisingly pleasant, for a second, before a wave of shame and confusion crashed into her, fighting with the lingering need to have Vax close. Keyleth stopped dead in her tracks and took a deep breath to ground herself. Okay. Shit. What was going on?

Chapter Text

“So anyways, we get to Ank’Harel, and a massive sandstorm kicks off almost immediately,” Vex said.
They were all lounging in Percy’s cluttered living room, Vex and Percy spread out on his couch, Vax crouching on the armrest and Keyleth on the floor, cross-legged. Vex and him hadn’t even been back from Marquet for two days and almost immediately, Keyleth had called for an emergency meeting regarding their stupid sociology project. Getting it out of the way now was reasonable, seeing as they’d all have exams after Winter’s Crest, but Vax was still in a vacation sort of mood and not ready to let it go quite yet. It wasn’t even that Marquet was all that great, way too much sand for his liking, and more that in his 24 years of life, he’d never been off Tal’Dorei and the change of pace and scenery had felt quite special.
In any case, they were no longer working. The last portion of the project had them making a flyer on the information they’d compiled over the course of the semester. So very useful since everyone needed to know more about Syngorn and its council of dusty crusty elves for sure. It also turned out that none of them had any design skills to speak of. Vax had secretly been banking on Percy, who was quite good at technical drawings, but that apparently didn’t translate into anything useable for their project either, so after clustering around a singular laptop for two hours, trying to get anything to work, they’d given up.
“I’ve never seen anything like it, either.” Vex continued, “These massive billows of sand and, obviously, it’s not just the sand that gets everywhere, there’s winds, we nearly got blown off our feet, didn’t we, Vax?”
Vax nodded. “Yeah, we had to use shirts and tie them around our face, so we didn’t breathe in the sand, that sure was an experience, but it was really impressive. The first time around anyways.”
“Yes, they happen quite often in the desert,” Percy said, and Vax rolled his eyes. Him and Percy were mostly okay now, but every now and then, he couldn’t help but be annoyed at Percy’s overall pompousness. “Yes, Percival how very insightful, there’s sandstorms in the desert. Almost as astute as, what was it you said the other day? Life needs things to live.”
Next to him, Vax noticed Keyleth pressing her hands to her mouth, stifling her giggles. Pointedly ignoring the both of them, Percy turned to Vex. “So where else did you go again? Did you get to see Jrusar? The spire structure is quite unique and…”
Vax threw Keyleth another glance. “Jrusar, isn’t that where your crime novels take place?”
“Yeah, you didn’t go there, did you?”
Vax shook his head.
“We stayed east,” Vex added, “Ank’Harel mostly, and then a few pit stops in the Rumedan desert, mostly looking at ruins from the Apex wars and stuff. And the something went wrong with the teleportation circles we were supposed to use to get back, so we had to go all the way south to Yios to get back home from there and honestly, that might have been the best part of the trip, we even got to see the Aydinlan Seminary.”
While definitely impressive, Vax hadn’t found Yios quite as good of an experience, most likely because the big, tiered luminescent lakes the city was built on reminded him a little too much of Syngorn.
“I have pictures I can show you later,” Vex leaned over to Percy, propping her chin up onto his shoulder, “I wish you had been on the trip instead of Vax, you would’ve actually appreciated all the stuff we got to see instead of…” Her eyes flickered over to Vax, then back to Percy, “Well, never mind.”
Vax leaned back, grinning. “No, Vex, go on. Tell them.”
“Well, Percy wouldn’t have gotten drunk and vomited on historical relics, would he?” Vex asked, pointedly.
“Oh, you have no idea what Percy is capable of when it comes to fancy foreign alcohol,” Keyleth piped up, “Marquesian, specifically, if I remember that right.”
Vax found himself exchanging a half-worried half-amused look with Percy. Vex certainly knew more than a few stories about him that would do very well to stay between the two of them, and the same seemed to go for Percy and Keyleth.
“Okay, you go first, though,” Keyleth said, “I wanna hear this. Vax, what did you do?”
“Here is the thing,” Vax started explaining, “This was our first real day in Ank’Harel and I was actually excited to explore the city. I’m not lying!” He added at Vex raising her eyebrow. “No, actually, I love cities, that’s my thing. In the morning, we got lucky and got to have a guided tour, but by the time we got back to the place we were staying at, another massive sandstorm kicked off and there was no chance we’d get to go out again that day, so what do you do when you’re stuck in some inn with no one except your sister and your classmates? That’s right, you start drinking. And anyways, this guy challenged us to a drinking contest and I’m not one to back down from a challenge.”
“Just to clarify,” Vex said dryly, “This guy was basically, what’s he called? Pike’s friend? Right, Grog. This guy was basically Grog, so Vax lost. Obviously.”
“Obviously. I had fun, but anyways you can imagine the hangover I had the next morning, and we were supposed to go look at some ruins, I’m sure you can see where this is going. The bus ride was already pretty bad, and then we’re standing there in the midday heat and this guy pulls up with some food cart and I don’t know what he was selling there but man, the smell.”
“It did smell pretty rancid,” Vex agreed, “So, yes, Vax pukes all over the ancient site, while the tour guide was still talking might I add, turns around, grins, and says history is pretty sick, right? What an absolute idiot.”
“No,” Keyleth gasped, laughing so hard her and Percy were collapsing into each other, “No, Vax, tell me you didn’t, that’s awful.”
“What can I say?” Vax flipped his hair over his shoulder dramatically, “They call me the terror of Marquet.”
“More like the spewer of Marquet,” Keyleth grinned, “I doubt anyone is scared of you.”
Vax shot her a lazy smirk. “Kiki, that’s because I’m nice to you. I can be scary if I want to be.”
“That is quite true,” Vex said, “You should have seen him back in Syngorn, he’d sneak out at night, black clothes, hood up, father’s daggers on his belt, sneaking around like a fucking cat, scared me half to death more than once.”
“No, the daggers, why?” Keyleth asked, still laughing. Gods, he’d missed her, missed the way she lit up when she laughed, especially right now, Percy’s lamp making her eyes light up this specific shade of emerald that always made his breath catch when he looked at her.
Vax shrugged. “Syngorn is dangerous at night,” he paused, “No, okay, that’s a lie, I was just fifteen, really edgy and thought I was cool.”
“Not to mention that it impressed whoever he was seeing,” Vex added and Vax glared at her. Was it really necessary to dredge up his dating history here, in front of everyone?
“Whoever?” Percy asked, a tinge of amusement in his voice, “Like, multiple people?”
Vex grinned. “Quite the heartbreaker at 15, weren’t you, Vax? And let’s be honest, still are.”
Vax’s first instinct was to deny it. Him? A heartbreaker? Surely not. For his occasional hookups he always operated under the assumption that it wasn’t serious, no strings attached, no hard feelings if things didn’t work out. He had to admit, though, that the same couldn’t be said for his relationships. Now that he thought about it, he’d been the one to break it off every time, and usually not after lasting particularly long, either. Maybe Vex wasn’t altogether wrong.
“Now, Keyleth,” Vex interrupted his thoughts, “What’s the story with Percy?” Eager, Vax leaned over to Keyleth. This, he didn’t want to miss.
“Ah, I mean, it was ages ago and, uh…,” Keyleth clearly felt bad for oversharing what was technically Percy’s story earlier, but Percy just laughed.
“It’s fine. This was about a year after my parents, you know, and one of their business partners invited me to dinner with them, gods know why. As some sort of condolence gift, I suppose, they gave me a small bottle of this really fancy marquesian liquor, Sandkeg’s hide.”
Vex laughed. “Sandkeg’s hide? By the gods. We saw that in Ank’Harel, didn’t we Vax? But even we weren’t brave enough to try that and we usually don’t care what we drink as long as it gets you hammered. I’m excited to see where that one goes.”
“Yes, it gets you drunk alright,” Percy said, “In any case, after that dinner, I wasn’t feeling too well, so I went and took my shiny new liquor to Keyleth’s room to get shitfaced with her.”
“And I assume that plan succeeded,” Vax said.
“Well, I don’t know if shitfaced is quite the right word for it,” Keyleth frowned, “It just kind of zaps you and makes you feel kind of numb, like, everywhere but especially your face. It does feel like being drunk, but after a single shot.”
“Does it taste good?” Vax was intrigued.
“No,” Percy said, definitively, “Not really. Its basis is vinegar wine, as far as I know, so it’s quite sour and pungent, with these herbal undertones. Not that you taste much after the first few sips anyways, so I suppose it doesn’t matter, really. I still have most of it, you’re welcome to try it.”
“So, what happened?” Vex asked before Vax got the chance to give in to his more self-destructive urges.
Keyleth started laughing again. “We spent half the night slurring at each other because our tongues were so numb, and I stole Percy’s glasses, which meant neither of us cold really see, only we were too drunk to connect the dots, so we started thinking the alcohol was making us go blind. But really, the best part happened when Percy passed out on my floor and…” She was laughing so hard, Vax was struggling to understand anything she was saying in between fits of giggles, “And then, Pike came back to the room at, like, 5am, also drunk, and tripped over him. She started screaming and I’m pretty sure we woke the whole floor, it was such a mess.”
Percy and Keyleth both were now both wheezing at the memories, and Vax found himself grinning as well.
“And to think,” Vex said, in between laughter, “That Keyleth can’t even handle normal liquor.”
“Psh.” Keyleth half-heartedly kicked Vex’s shin. There was a hole in her sock, Vax noticed. “I did feel appropriately miserable the next day, though,” she said, “Trust me, we both did.”
“Very much so,” Percy agreed.

He wasn’t used to this, Vax realized later, back in his room. His face still hurt a little from laughing so much, but that wasn’t it, not really. It was more that he couldn’t remember ever having fun with friends like this. Friends he could spend all day with and still not feel sick of the company, friends to swap silly, embarrassing stories with. He was well aware of the warm, glowing feeling of happiness, for himself, but even more so for his sister. Vex who’d always wanted to belong, Vex who craved their father’s love, their peers’ approval long after Vax had given up on ever finding his place anywhere. And now they had it, a space they’d carved out for themselves. Vex had Percy, who made her happier than Vax had seen her, maybe ever, and she had Keyleth, no longer some girl she happened to share a room with but a good friend. Spurred on by his own happiness, by how well his life was going, Vax tentatively allowed himself to imagine further, for the first time in a while.
What it could be like if he told Keyleth how he felt, what it could be like if she felt the same way. For a moment, he let himself fantasize about the moments they’d have together. Small moments, him getting to casually hold her hand, brushing her hair out of her face and bigger, too, waking up next to her, showing her how deeply he felt for her every day. Not that it wasn’t good the way it was right now, not that he wasn’t happy. In these past few months, he’d felt most himself when he was around her. They were friends, and he wasn’t fool enough to ignore how valuable that alone was and maybe it wasn’t worth giving into his feelings for a chance at something great when they already had something good.
Just don’t break her heart, alright?
Heartbreaker
Vex’s words echoed through his mind, tinging his happy fantasies with a bitter, if true, aftertaste. Because here was another way this could go. There was a very real chance Keyleth wouldn’t reject him, a very real chance they’d get together, have a few good months before he would fuck it up. Really, the more he thought about it, the more inevitable it seemed. Because if he took a long, hard look at himself, he had to admit it: he sucked at relationships, at love. Maybe it was that he didn’t know how to trust, how to open up.
Or maybe that was just the excuse he made up to avoid facing how it really was. Who he really was. Because the truth was that he never let himself fully commit to people, too selfish to open his heart to someone who’d leave anyways, always looking for the next best thing. So, he went and fell in and out of love too quickly, and where did it leave him? Hurting the people he’d thought he loved. Cyriel, Thorn, Gil, all the people he’d claimed to care for, then cast aside.
Could he do that to Keyleth? Could he tell her how he felt, make her feel loved and wanted, be with her, knowing it would end the way it always did? With him leaving because he didn’t know how to treat the people he loved right? No, he couldn’t, he wouldn’t. She deserved better. And that wasn’t even acknowledging much he appreciated her, even before he’d started having feelings for her. Could he risk that? Could he risk what they had in hopes for more? Head spinning, he dug his fingers into his palms until the bite of his nails against his skin made him wince. It did nothing to calm his racing thoughts, quite the opposite. And he couldn’t just think of Keyleth and himself, either. There was Vex to consider in all this. What would it mean to her if he got together with Keyleth and the relationship ended? Would the two of them manage to stay friends? And if not, what would Percy do? Would he stick with Vex or Keyleth? Vax knew what he’d do, were the roles reversed. Hadn’t he just thought about how happy Vex seemed? And here he was, about to take that from her. He couldn’t. It really wasn’t even a question. It was Vex who he’d choose over anything and everything, always. If he stayed closed off forever, his self and his heart guarded from the rest of the world, she’d be the one who knew him regardless, part of him in a way no one else could ever be.
In the end, it wasn’t much of a choice. He cared for Keyleth, deeply, but he cared about Vex more. On one hand, even with the decision made that Keyleth was off-limits for him, he wanted to try to at least stay friends with her. On the other hand, he knew all too well that it was stupid to even try to save anything while his heart still belonged to her. Distance was what he needed.

***

Vax was trudging up the stairs. The bright midday sunlight flooding through the science building’s ceiling-high windows put Vax in a slightly better mood, though not for long, seeing as he was dragging his ass to his most hated econ class. He was, of course, late, the stairwell mostly deserted. Vex would already be in class, probably mad at him but if he was being honest, Vax thought she should be proud of him for showing up at all when all he wanted was stay holed up in bed. Completely engrossed in his own pity party, Vax didn’t pay attention to his surroundings until it was too late.
“Vax, hey!”
He froze as he spotted Keyleth coming down the stairs, chatting with a few people who Vax vaguely recognized as some of her classmates.
Fuck, no. He swallowed hard. Talking to her was the last thing he wanted right now, though somehow, he also couldn’t bring himself to turn around and look away. Keyleth had her hair down, falling over her shoulders in a way that made Vax want to touch it and run his fingers through it, just as her bright smile made his stomach flutter and his arms ache to reach out and pull her close.
“You guys go ahead,” she told her friends and Vax wanted to protest, tell her to go with them and leave him alone, but the words got stuck just in the back of his throat. In truth, he wanted nothing more than to talk to her, make her laugh, find out what she’d been up to over the last week. He shouldn’t let himself.
“Yeah?” He asked Keyleth, crossing his arms over his chest. Maybe if he was enough of an asshole, she’d leave and make this easier for the both of them. Gods no, he was being awful. His feelings weren’t Keyleth’s fault, he shouldn’t make her suffer just because he was hurting.
“Oh, it’s nothing,” Keyleth shot him a small smile, “Just, you know, I haven’t seen you around much and, I don’t know I’ve texted you a few times and maybe it hasn’t gone through? My phone has been acting up a bit, so I wouldn’t be surprised, and uh, well, you know. There’s still the project and we need to meet up one last time before submitting it and I think it’d be good if you’d be there as well. I- Anyways,” she took a deep breath, “Do you want to get lunch together? We just haven’t talked in a bit.”
“I have class now,” Vax said curtly, “And I’m already late anyways.”
“Oh gods, don’t let me keep you,” Keyleth let out a tense laugh, “I, yeah, no, cool, cool. Some other time? Only if you want to, obviously.”
“We’ll see.” Vax could feel his heart all but shatter at the taken aback look she gave him, eyes wide and sad.
“Anyways,” he continued, quickly, before she’d say anything else that would finally wear down his defenses entirely, “I’m pretty busy, so if you guys could do the final bits of the project without me, that’d be good. I doubt I’d be of much help anyways. And now I actually have to go, so.” Without another word, he turned around, quickly making his way up the stairs. Still, he didn’t have the self-control to keep himself from turning back for one last glance at her, something he immediately regretted. The way she looked, still leaning against the banister, lost and confused, hit him right in the sternum; A wave of burning shame, followed by a cold, yawning desolation.
He'd chosen this.

***

Vax let out a string of curses, angling his foot out to the side to get a better grip on the iced over windowsill. He wasn’t too worried about being seen sneaking out of his dorm room window in the middle of the night. He was dressed in all black, hair stuffed into the back of his jacket and thanks to his darkvision he’d likely spot any nighttime wanderers before they saw him. Arguably, it was still a terrible idea to climb out of a second story window in the dead of winter, but Vax couldn’t help it. If he had to spend another second in his room, caged like an animal, pacing the few feet of space, he’d lose his godsdamn mind and he feared that if he walked past Vex’s door, she’d kidnap him off the hallway to stage an intervention. So, the window it was.
Ignoring the cold sting of the metal, Vax pulled himself to full height on his windowsill and started scaling the wall, up the third story, towards the roof. Silently, he thanked whatever gods were listening that he wasn’t living in Surrac Hall anymore. From here, he could just about spot the roof of his old dorm over the trees: The smooth, whitewashed walls and glass elements had always been a nightmare to climb. Drassig with its ornate brick walls and broad eaves that offered solid footholds over every window was definitely more to his taste. Pushing himself up the last few feet, Vax scrambled over the lip of the roof and crouched there for just a moment. There was a maintenance building right behind Drassig, lower set but close enough that he could jump. Probably. Back in Syngorn he would’ve laughed about the small gap between the buildings, barely a hop, but now?
Nah, still fine. Dropping back down into a crouch, Vax leveraged all his leg strength and leaped over the gap. See, easy.
The roof sat lower than it had looked from the top, the drop longer than anticipated, but Vax braced against the impact, rolling over his shoulder, instinct so deep-seated that even years of neglecting his training wouldn’t make him forget. Silently, he crossed the flat roof. From where he was now, he could see the quad area, completely deserted at this time of night except for a single straggler, head bent low against the wind, hurrying towards the dorms for the first years. Vax could feel it too, the icy winter winds tearing at his clothes, but he ignored them best he could. What was a bit of wind to him?
Once the lonely person had disappeared from view, Vax dropped down from the maintenance building, landing silently, and made his way over to the middle of the quad, bordered by bare-branched trees. This was what he was here for. He opened his coat to access the two daggers sheathed at his ribs, Keen and Whisper.
Thunk, Thunk.
Whisper hit the trunk of the tree he’d been aiming for, but Keen missed by a good foot and a half and landed somewhere in the grass beyond the trees. With a twinge of annoyance, Vax opened his hands and both daggers blinked back to him.
Thunk, Thunk.
With a soft whistle, both daggers split the air and hit their aim. There was a reason why those two straight edged daggers, were his favorites from the collection he’d stolen from his father before leaving. Not that Syldor seemed to miss them much, and anyways, he’d just kept them locked away together with the rest of his valued weaponry collection. At least Vax used them.
Thunk, Thunk.
Look at him, Vax thought with a sort of grim amusement, throwing daggers at trees. Keyleth would murder him if she could see him now, blinking back the daggers that had both buried themselves a few inches deep into the bark of the tree. Keyleth with her jungle of plants, Keyleth with her reusable coffee cups and her soap she bought wrapped in paper to not create unnecessary waste. That fucking soap. He could still smell it now, the way it clung to her hair and her skin, tart and a bit like the thunderstorm that came after a long, hot summer day, wild and glorious and not something to be messed with, Keyleth and how she’d looked at him after he left her standing on that staircase.
No, stop. He wasn’t doing that again. Hadn’t he come here to take his fucking mind off Keyleth?
Thunk, Thunk.
With Vax’s hands growing stiffer in the cold, his aim became less true, both daggers missing, again and again. Keen was the dagger Vax had trained with for years, Whisper in turn being more light-weight and perfectly balanced. And yet here he was, flinging them around like a fucking idiot. He could almost hear Morren’s voice, his instructor in Syngorn, scolding him for his imprecise footwork, for his impatience, his short temper. What she’d say if she could see him now, see how he had unlearned most of what she’d taught him because he was too lazy to practice. Years of putting himself through the training, the abuse from both teachers and Syldor and what had he gotten out of it? Shoddy dagger skills and commitment issues.
Thunk, Thunk.
More misses. Vax tried to swallow down his annoyance, to no avail. Gods, what could he even do? Not this, apparently. Which was fine, since he sucked at everything else, too. He didn’t know how to be a good boyfriend, he’d established that, but lately, he’d been a shitty brother to Vex, too, inexplicable anger always simmering close to the surface. And while he was at it, holing up in his room and ignoring any and all texts and calls made him a pretty fucking shitty friend as well. Not that many people wanted to talk to him in the first place. Right, there was something he was good at: Ruining everything he touched.
Thunk, Thunk.
Fueled by his self-loathing and anger, the daggers struck true once again, Whisper’s blade driving into the tree up to its hilt. Great, now he was a tree killer as well. Tired and resigned, he called the daggers back and resheathed them. Enough with hurling sharp objects around for tonight.

Chapter Text

Keyleth was lying on her bed, trailing her hands through the vines of the hanging plant sitting on the shelf over her bed. They were slowly but surely growing over her headboard, creeping down towards her pillows, but she had yet to muster enough care to do something about it.
Her phone dimly pinged under her pillow and Keyleth contemplated ignoring it, but her curiosity got the better of her. The little bubble of anticipation burst almost immediately when she tapped her screen. It was just one of her classmates reaching out to ask about… whatever. Keyleth didn’t even finish reading the message. It wasn’t from the one person she was interested in hearing from, so what even was the point?
Keyleth sighed. She had to admit that waiting for texts like this was a little pathetic and very much unlike her. Then again… It was Vax. Vax, whom Keyleth liked so much it hurt, a constant almost-aching pressure in her chest. No matter how much she tried, she couldn’t stop thinking about him and the last few months, their moments together, how happy and light she’d felt. Working on the project, their walks through the park, braving the winter cold to look at the stars together, their disastrous trip to the climbing center. What it’d felt like to lean on him, to have him comfort her, see her at her worst and stay by her side, again and again. Had she been in love with him then? She wasn’t sure anymore. No matter how hard she tried to pinpoint the moment her feelings for Vax had started to outgrow friendship, she found that she couldn’t. It had all felt like such a natural progression of things, like this was the way it was meant to be.
Which raised the question whether Keyleth was going insane, because it almost felt like the second she had become aware of her own feelings, Vax had started pulling away, becoming cold and distant and sort of unlike himself. Maybe she was making that up, though. It wouldn’t be the first time her anxiety blew complete non-issues way out of proportion. On the other hand, what if she wasn’t just imagining it? He was being weird, wasn’t he?
With a sigh, Keyleth sat up. This wasn’t helping. She couldn’t let herself get stuck on the same thoughts over and over again. It wasn’t like she was coming to any groundbreaking new realizations here anyways, she’d just make herself even more miserable.
Maybe she should find a distraction, something to just keep her mind off Vax. For example by at least skimming through the mountain of ignored texts that’d been piling up in her inbox over the last few days. Still, the second she had her phone in hand, Keyleth found herself looking for her chat with Vax. Again. It had moved down far enough down that she had to scroll for a bit to find it. Despite knowing better, Keyleth tapped it. Their last proper message thread was Vax spamming her with pictures from Marquet and her less than enthusiastic responses. Keyleth cringed now, looking at them. Maybe she’d been too dismissive? Maybe he was angry with her? Maybe she should apologize… But no. The collection of days’ worth of old texts, sitting read but unanswered, put her off the idea.
Keyleth closed the chat. Fuck, Vax’s insistence to not talk to her hurt more than she wanted to admit. The ignored texts, she could deal with. No, it was Vax shutting her out completely that hurt. Over text, ignoring her in the hallway, their weird encounter a few days ago. If he would at least tell her why.
She could ask Vex, Keyleth supposed, Vex seemed to always know what was up with her brother. Then again, lately, Vex was barely even here, spending most of her time with Percy and when she did show up, she didn’t seem too interested in talking to Keyleth. Not about anything important, anyways. That, and dissecting her own feelings for Vax with his sister seemed unnecessarily awkward. Still, sometimes, she almost did ask. Tell me I’m wrong, she wanted to plead, please tell me he doesn’t hate me. She never did, though, possibly because she didn’t even want an answer. It might not be what she wanted to hear at all and she’d end up hurting more than she already was. For all she knew, Vax had only ever wanted to flirt with her for a bit of fun, and now he had lost interest, just as she realized she was catching feelings for him. That didn’t seem at all like the Vax Keyleth knew, gentle and kind and funny all at the same time, but it did seem on brand for the heartbreaker version of him Vex had told her about. Or maybe Keyleth had taken the scraps of attention he’d given her and run with it, deluding herself into thinking he liked her at all.
Keyleth took a deep breath. This was stupid. There was no reason for her to be hurting this much, to be spiraling this hard. What had even happened? She’d fallen for someone, and they didn’t want her back, oh boohoo, big deal. People got over that all the time, so why couldn’t she? No, never mind, she shouldn’t even be thinking about it. Already, this whole ordeal had her feeling much more anxious than usual, and she really didn’t need to rehash everything for the billionth time and make herself feel even worse. Especially not with her exams coming up after the break. Really, the only thing she should be focusing on was studying.
Okay but what if, Keyleth caught herself thinking while getting her books out, what if she had fucked up? What if it wasn’t Vax being a flirt, what if he had actually liked her and she had done something wrong that had pushed him away? What if she was just too weird and awkward and rambly? What if she had opened up a little too much and Vax had finally realized what a complete and utter fuck-up she was? Just her luck, the first time she fell for someone, she managed to mess up and push them away immediately. Not that she should have been surprised. Everyone left, after all.
Defeated, Keyleth closed her biology textbook back up. There was no way she’d get anything done in here. Maybe the library was the change of scenery she needed.

“Keyleth!” Keyleth turned to find Pike briskly walking across the little plaza in front of the library heading towards her. “Perfect timing,” Pike declared, giving Keyleth her sunniest smile, “I was just on my way to visit you in your dorm.”
“Oh?” Keyleth asked, lamely, temporarily thrown off by Pike’s directness, “I- Why?”
Pike shrugged. “Because I was bored and it’s the weekend, so I figured you wouldn’t be busy. Are you?”
“Am I what?”
“Busy!” Pike impatiently flapped her hands.
“Oh, uh, no.” She technically was, but really, hanging out with Pike would be a much better distraction than studying, especially because Pike really didn’t know anything about Vax and her and all the heartache that entailed, so she could just let herself think about other things for a bit. “What do you wanna do?”
Pike shrugged. “Something inside, please. It’s so cold. We can just go back to my dorm? Or yours?”
“Yours sounds good,” Keyleth said with a twinge of embarrassment, thinking of the state her room was in. With Vex spending most of her time at Percy’s, Keyleth hadn’t yet found the motivation to get her ever-spreading mess under control. “I don’t think I’ve ever been to your new room? Which dorm are you in?”
“Surrac Hall.” Pike was already leading the way across the quad area, leaving Keyleth to scramble after her.
“Oh, jealous,” Keyleth mumbled.
“Yup, it’s pretty sweet, has a big window and also, no roommates,” Pike laughed, “Well, no offense.”
“No worries, I get it,” Keyleth grinned, “I sometimes wish I didn’t have to share. Though I’m pretty lucky in terms of roommates, I mean I had you and Vex is also great.” Not to mention that she wouldn‘t have met Vax if it weren‘t for her rooming situation. Though that might‘ve been better for everyone involved. Maybe.
Pike hadn‘t promised too much. Natural light flooded her space through a big glass front, giving the room a bright, clean feel. It was also almost as big as the room Keyleth shared with Vex, and furnished in gnome-size, too, making it seem even more spacious.
“This is really nice,“ Keyleth noted, “I like how you‘ve decorated.“ Looking around, much like in their old, shared room, Pike had fairy lights everywhere. Keyleth also found little nods to the Everlight everywhere, like the gilded icon above her bed and the subtly sun-patterned bedsheets. With a sigh, Keyleth plopped down on Pikes bright blue workout mat, gingerly pushing the dumbbells off to the side and peeling her shoes off. Pike laughed.
“Keyleth there is a perfectly fine bed. And a chair. Why are you always sitting on the floor?“
“Because the floor understands me,“ Keyleth said solemnly, which made Pike burst out laughing.
“Gods, Key, you‘re so weird, I love you.“
“Shut up,“ Keyleth grumbled, then, mostly to reassure herself, she asked: “So how are you getting on with the exam prep?“ Pike took a lot of classes, at least two or three more than Keyleth during any given semester, and Keyleth could only guess that the workload had to be insane.
Pike, ever unbothered, shrugged. “Fine, I guess, I haven’t done that much yet and I mean…,“ she sighed, “My magic is still not up to where I want it so I can‘t really practice any of the practical stuff, but you know how it is. Gives me time to focus on the theory and I‘ll just cram the rest after Winter‘s Crest when I get my magic sorted. So, fine.“
“Oh, wow,“ Keyleth said quietly, “I can‘t imagine how stressful that is, I would actually just cry.“
Pike laughed, but it sounded a little forced. “Well, I‘ve had easier times in life, but whatever, it‘ll pass eventually. Anyways, okay, oh, I‘ve been thinking!“
“About?“
“Okay, so,“ Pike leaned forward, eyes bright, “Remember how we were talking about how you‘re maybe into girls, but maybe not and you were really unsure?“
Keyleth exhaled. Gods, it seemed so long ago that that was her biggest worry and really, love was not among her favorite topics right now. “Yeah?“ She asked, “What about it?“
“Here‘s the thing,“ Pike explained, “I know you don‘t know that much about the different identities there are and…“
“Well,“ Keyleth could feel herself getting defensive, “There are a lot of them.“
Pike laughed. “Fair. I‘m just saying that maybe nothing has clicked because you don‘t even know what‘s out there, my point being, do you know what ace means? Like, asexual?“
Keyleth shrugged. “I guess? The name seems self-explanatory enough.“
“Right, then, have you considered that maybe that‘s you?“ Pike gave her a long, scrutinizing look that made Keyleth want to shrink into herself. No, she hadn‘t considered it, and she‘d prefer to keep it that way, actually. What good was some dumb label when she‘d never even heard of it and the name alone made her feel like even more of a freak?
“Not saying that it has to be,“ Pike continued, “Maybe I‘m totally wrong, but it kind of sounds like maybe you are, just, you know, when you talk about stuff like that?“
“I-,“ Keyleth gaped at her for a moment, “I mean, you just assumed that just because I‘m not dating much, I‘d never wanna… do anything with anyone? That seems a little unfair.“
Pike laughed again, which just made Keyleth feel more irritated. “That‘s not at all what it means, though. Maybe… Just look it up yourself. I think there‘s resources that can explain it to you better than me.“
Even though this was truly the last thing Keyleth wanted to be dealing with, she pulled out her phone and typed “asexual“ into the search bar, if only to get Pike to stop talking about it, trying to bite down her annoyance as best she could while the search results were loading.
“Asexuality is the lack of sexual attraction to others, or low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity.”
Keyleth had to stop herself from groaning out loud. Not that fucking word again. Was there no way people could talk about sexuality without being purposefully vague?
“What even is attraction?“ She asked, slightly exasperated, after skimming the short entry a few more times, like it‘d magically become less incomprehensible if she just stared hard enough. “I mean, sexual attraction specifically, it‘s such an empty word.“
Pike gave her another long look. “Well, sexual attraction is when… I guess, you know how you have chemistry with some people? That‘s how I‘d describe it, like you just think they‘re hot and it makes you want to be around them, physically at least, and when you are, it makes you happy, maybe you want to touch them, you might have, you know, fantasies about them, that kind of stuff. But that‘s just me, it might be a bit different for you.“
Even while Pike was talking, Keyleth could feel her face heat up, flush creeping up her neck. That… oh yes, that was something she‘d experienced before, right down to the fantasies, though she‘d actually rather shrivel up and die right here on Pike‘s floor than admit to those.
“Alright, so,“ Keyleth took a deep breath, “I, alright, and being- well, being ace means, you don‘t experience any of that, right?“
Pike shrugged. “From what I know.“
“Oh, well okay,“ Keyleth said, relief flooding through her, “That‘s not me, then, I… Yeah, it‘s just not. Thanks, uh, for researching, though.“
“Gods, no worries!“ Pike said quickly, “I did kind of spring that on you, didn‘t I? I- sorry, I didn‘t mean to make you feel like you need a label for everything, you really don‘t, I just thought it‘d be cool for you to know that there‘s options!“
Keyleth nodded. “Yeah, I… Thanks, really, I just… Maybe I need to do my own research, that‘s all.“ And in no way did she have the mental space or energy for that at the moment.
Pike nodded. “Don‘t force it. Anyways, I remembered something I want to show you! Since I’m going to the temple instead of home, my grandpa gave me an early Winter‘s Crest gift! Look!“ She held up a small gaming console, “Do you want to play some games?“
Keyleth grinned. Gods knew she was a child at heart when it came to loud, colorful games, and really, anything her dad had banned from their house when she was younger. “Yes, please.“

“So,“ Keyleth asked, watching Pike struggle to maneuver her little avatar across a cliff, “How is Scanlan? How are you guys?“
A grin flashed across Pike‘s face. “Good. More than. Not to bore you with the details, but we are having fun.“
“Alright,“ Keyleth wiggled her eyebrows at Pike, “Keep your secrets, then.“
Pike laughed, putting the controller down, “Careful what you wish for. I don‘t mind going into excruciating detail about my sex life, I‘m not shy.“
“Oh,“ Keyleth buried her face in her hands, laughing “I‘ve reconsidered, please do keep your secrets.“
“See,“ Pike said with a smug grin, “Now that‘s what I thought. Watch out, I‘m catching up to you.“
“We‘ll see about that,“ Keyleth teased and picked her controller back up.

Hanging out with Pike had given Keyleth a good two hours where she had barely spared Vax a thought. Bliss. Now, though, back in her room, she was right back to where she‘d started. Alone in the dark, rotting on her bed, miserable. And she still hadn‘t done any studying. Really, wasn‘t it terribly inconsiderate of Vax to have this change of heart during exam season? As if she didn’t have enough other things to worry about. Only half thinking, Keyleth reached up and made her already too long plant grow further, the small tendrils reaching until the leaves littered her pillow. Great, now she finally had to cut it. With a sigh, she got up and grabbed some scissors from her desk, so cluttered that she could barely make out any actual desk underneath the mess. She should really clean. Eventually.
Keyleth carefully deposited the little green cuttings in a jar of water to hopefully make them bud so she could replant them. She could‘ve done it magically, but even the small spell from earlier had left her vaguely tired and depleted, so she didn‘t want to risk overexerting herself. And besides, she‘d always found that there was something inherently magical about letting nature do its thing, slow and so much more rewarding than just using her powers.
Determined to not lie back down and succumb to her miserable little thoughts, Keyleth perched on the corner of her bed and pulled her phone out. Probably not the most long-term sustainable distraction, but it‘d do for now. As she unlocked it, she was immediately taken back to the page with the search results about asexuality. Wonderful, just another thing she didn‘t really want to think about right now. Then again, researching it further seemed as good a distraction as anything. And anyways, as far as Keyleth knew, almost none of her friends were straight and here she was, confused about every new identity she learned about, so doing some of her own research was not a bad idea.
She absentmindedly scrolled through the search results until the page started linking her to related search terms. Demisexual, another one Keyleth had never heard about. She tapped on it and was transported to a new page, with a lot of similar sounding words and definitions as the one on asexuality before.
“Primary sexual attraction,“ Keyleth mumbled, quietly reading to herself, now, what was that? “Attraction to… physical, observable… Where a person only feels sexual attraction after forming a close emotional bond.“ The wording gave Keyleth pause. Close emotional bond, wasn‘t that how it was supposed to work? At least that‘s what she‘d always assumed. Sure, people had hookups, but even when they barely knew who they were taking home, there had to be some sort of connection there, right? Then again, she‘d watched Scanlan leave with people he‘d met just minutes before, so maybe not.
Pike question, Keyleth ended up typing after some more fruitless searching. She linked Pike to one of the articles she‘d read and added: It says here that demi ppl need an emotional connection to feel attraction, maybe I‘m really naïve? But is that not how it generally works?
To Keyleth‘s amusement, Pike almost immediately started typing. Well, I guess it kind of depends, but no, not really. Like, I personally probably wouldn‘t have sex with someone I barely know, but the attraction can be there from the first second, honestly. Who do you typically get attracted to?
Keyleth stared at the message for a moment. Vax, obviously. Vax, whom she was in love with. Who else would make her feel like this? Crushes I guess, she typed, then followed it up with Wait, so you sometimes just see people and get, like, hot and bothered?
Never use that phrase again, please. But yeah. You don‘t? Like, you never see an actress or a random person in a club or something that you want to do unholy things to?
You do?? Keyleth replied.
Yeah?
No, you‘re joking, no one actually does that, right?
Plenty of ppl do, actually.
You‘re lying
Lol no, maybe something for you to think about.
Keyleth dropped her phone onto her bed. Something to think about indeed.

Chapter Text

“Vax, do you sleep enough?”
“Fine, stop fussing,” Vax groaned. Trust Gilmore to see right through him with one look. They were hanging out behind the main register, Gil halfheartedly doing the books and Vax sitting on the desk, doing his best to distract him. He wasn’t scheduled to work, not today and not for the rest of the week, but with the significant lack of other friends in his life, Vax found himself drawn to the store more and more often. Part of that was his own fault, of course. Vex had tried her best to get him to spend time with their little group again, but Vax couldn’t very well tell her that in an unfortunate turn of events, he had fallen in love with her roommate and now trying to get his own feelings in check to save their friendship. So he’d just declined. And anyways, lately it felt like Vex was rubbing her relationship in his face, her and Percy attached at the hip, seemingly screaming look, I have someone, and you couldn’t hack it. So he avoided them and hung out with Gil instead.
“How was Westruun?” Vax asked quickly.
Gil gave him a look but didn’t push further. “Really good,” he closed the book, clearly giving up on work, “I met quite a few other sorcerers, from all over Exandria, all very accomplished and fantastic company. And I also had a spontaneous meeting with one of our potential investors, for the new store branch, so that’s exciting as well.”
Vax sighed. “I can’t believe you’re actually moving away soon.”
“Oh, you flatter me,” Gil grinned, “And you are being quite dramatic. Westruun really isn’t that far away, and we can still talk over the phone, you know that, right?”
Vax laughed. “Yes, I know. It’s just that you’re such a fixture in Emon, it just won’t be the same without you.” Not to mention that he didn’t know who he’d spend time with if Gilmore was away. What even was his life?
“Speaking of Westruun,” Gil said, “I may have met someone while I was there.”
“That’s great.” Vax forced another smile. Ever since he and Gil had started dating and subsequently broken up, their dating lives had been a topic they very much avoided. At any other time, he would have been glad that they were finally getting back to a place where they were comfortable talking about it, but right now, due to general life bullshit, this was the absolute last thing he wanted to talk about. Still, he asked: “Who are they?”
Gil grinned. “He’s called Darius and…” he pulled out his phone, swiping through some pictures, “We went on a date when I was there, and we’ve been talking a lot since, and, well, I have to say that I like him a lot.” He pushed his phone over to Vax, who took it and inspected the picture. It showed a lanky man, elven or half elven if Vax had to guess, shoulder length blonde hair, shooting a shy smile at the camera.
“That’s great,” Vax repeated mechanically, “He seems nice.” Just his fucking luck, apparently. Everyone was coupling up and here he was, taking detours across campus every other day to avoid seeing the girl he liked. Great.
His stormy thoughts must have translated to his face because Gil leaned back in his chair and looked up at Vax. “And how about you?” he asked, an earnestness in his tone that cut right through Vax, “I know we’ve never really talked about those things, but… are you happy, at least?”
Gods, how much clearer did he have to make it that this was something he wanted to talk about today? Or, really, ever? “Sure,” Vax said, crossing his arms over his chest, “Everything’s fine, I promise. Processing a few things, that’s all. Really.”
“And those things wouldn’t happen to have anything to do with why you’ve seemed to live here for the past week and barely mention your friends or college anymore?” He tilted his head to the side. “Are you thinking of dropping out?”
Vax laughed. “Gods no. Nothing like that, I swear. Just needed a change of pace and faces and… you know how it goes.”
Gil still didn’t seem convinced, so Vax let out a long-suffering sigh and asked: “Would you say I was a good boyfriend? To you, I mean.”
Gil let out a bellowing laugh. “No, not really.” He paused, then added, “But that was, what, three years ago? You’re not the same person anymore, believe me. You’re less of a walled-off idiot now,” he leaned forward, teasing grin playing over his face, “Dare I say, you’ve gotten less mysterious? Now. What is this about?”
Vax took a deep breath. Less walls, more honesty. Fine, he could do that. “I just, one of my friends, at college, I really like her and I’ve kind of decided for myself that it’s better to not say anything, because I’d just end up hurting her anyways and I know it’s the right choice, it’s just been a bit difficult.”
“Right.” Gil seemed to contemplate for a moment, “Well, I can’t tell you what’s the right decision here and if you feel like you’re not ready to date her, then maybe it is best to hold off on it. What I can tell you is that brooding and self-pity aren’t sexy, so get it together. And I promise, you’re not some evil menace that kills everything it touches, you’re fine, you’re a good friend, and… you deserve to have people around you that care about you, that much I can tell you.“
Vax squirmed on the table. This was uncomfortably spot on to how he had been feeling about himself recently. Maybe he wasn’t hiding it particularly well. He sighed. “Thanks, Gil.“

***

“So, real talk. What is up with you?”
Vax pointedly ignored his sister. This morning, Vex had basically kicked in his door, planted herself on his desk to make sure he got dressed and then all but dragged him to Percy’s car by his collar. Now they were trudging through some woods outside of Emon. Well, Vax was trudging, Vex was walking briskly, always three steps ahead. Vax groaned at the slurping sound accompanying each of his steps. As if being thrown out of bed to go on a hike wasn’t bad enough, the weather had suddenly warmed up over the last few days and Vax’s favorite boots were getting caked in a thick layer of snow slush and mud with every step. Vex on the other hand seemed to be having the time of her life. Like always, she seemed most like herself out here, all the tension falling off her the second she’d stepped out of the car. Now, while Vax felt groggy, sweaty and over all a little gross, Vex was practically glowing in the morning sun like she’d never belonged anywhere else. Vax watched her stop and shrug her jacket off. She tied it around her waist, then repeated. “Talk.”
Vax rolled his eyes. “It’s nothing.” Vex didn’t say anything to that, just crossed her arms and watched Vax catch up to her, eyebrow cocked. Vax threw his hands up in exasperation. “Don’t believe me? That’s fine! I’m telling you, it’s nothing! I’ve been busy. That is all.”
Vex’s lips quirked with a tiny, satisfied grin. “I didn’t say anything about not believing you. I think you don’t believe yourself.”
Vax scoffed. He’d show her where she could shove that smug attitude, just…
“Well,” Vex continued before he could come up with a response, “If you’re being like that, I guess I’ll have to play dirty,” she lifted the jacket around her waist and Vax spotted what she’d been hiding. He glared at his sister. “We can make a deal,” Vex offered slyly, “Because you better believe I’ll hold your toys hostage until you talk to me.”
Tucked into the band of her waist bag sat three of his daggers, Whisper, Venom, and the newest addition to his collection, the one with the long, curved, wicked-looking blade Gil had gotten him for his last birthday.
“Bitch,” Vax muttered, “You wouldn’t.”
Vex bat her eyelashes at him. “Aw, you flatter me. Yes I would. Now, talk.”
Vax took a deep breath. If he was honest, he did want to tell Vex, if only to have told someone, he just found that he didn’t know how to start. Even opening up to Gil had been difficult for him, and with Gil, he had felt a lot less vulnerable, seeing as his friend didn’t even know any of the people involved.
“Alright,” Vex said after watching Vax wrestle with himself for a moment, “Let me start with an educated guess. You are pretty damn in love with Keyleth, right? I also happen to know that you tend to isolate yourself when you think you’ve fucked up. I’d say there’s a connection between those two, so why don’t we start there?”
It was like Vex saying all the worst parts out loud broke a dam inside of Vax. Before he knew it, he found himself spilling his guts to his sister on a muddy single trail in the middle of the woods. He finally got to tell her everything he’d been holding in for months now. How he’d thought Keyleth was cute right from the moment he’d met her, and how he’d grown to like her, as a friend, then, quickly, as more. How much he admired Keyleth, how badly he wanted her to see herself the way he saw her, strong and smart and fierce. And how he felt like he didn’t deserve her, his fear of hurting her and inadvertently, everyone around him.
Gods, he caught himself thinking, why hadn’t he talked to Vex sooner? It was Vex, for fuck’s sake, his sister, his other half. Talking to her wasn’t hard, it had never been and anyways, no matter how bad things got, nothing was so bad that they couldn’t fix it. Together.
“Right,” Vex said when he had finished. She sounded less annoyed now, compassion stealing into her voice. “So, to recap. You are stupidly in love with Keyleth, and you’re scared you’re gonna mess up and ruin things.”
Vax shrugged helplessly. “I guess so.”
Vex nodded, slowly. “Okay, I have notes.”
“Notes?” Vax laughed.
“Yes, notes. First things first. You looking out for me is sweet. However. In the nicest way possible, I am an adult and so is Percy. Whatever he may or may not do if you were to hypothetically break up with Keyleth and how that might affect me is, frankly, between him and me and none of your business or concern. Secondly,” she sighed. “Listen, I’d love to tell you that Keyleth also really likes you and that you two are perfect for each other and you won’t ever break her heart, and everything will be great, but honestly, I don’t know that. I do know, though, that she’s been really down because you just disappeared from her life without as much as an explanation and I know that it is a bit selfish of you to just make decisions that affect both of you because it’s easier.”
“Sorry?” Vax asked incredulously, “Did you even listen to me? I’m trying not to hurt her! How can that be selfish? Do you really think this is easy for me?” Vex just shrugged.
“And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Vax snapped, then immediately flinched at himself, at how angry he sounded. How much like their father.
“No need to get pissy,” Vex said coolly, only her slightly widened eyes betraying her, “I’m just trying to help.” Decidedly, she shoved her hands into her pockets and started walking again, leaving Vax to stomp after her. “But,” she continued after a few steps, “Yes. I mean it. You say that you don’t want to hurt Keyleth, right? Well, tell that to her holed up in her room, confused and sad and thinking she’s done something wrong! And yes, I think that you ignoring her and wallowing in your fucking self-pity is the easy way out. Instead of hiding and telling yourself that you’re awful and that everyone around you gets hurt anyways, you could take a look at yourself and ask yourself why all your relationships end the same way, why you always break it off before it can get too serious! And then you can at least try and fix it. But by all means, keep shutting yourself away because that surely won’t hurt anyone.”
Vax’s first instinct was to argue. To tell Vex that she had no idea, that it was easy for her to look down on him with her happy, stable relationship, that there was no way she could possibly understand what he was going through. But maybe that was the problem. That Vex understood him better than he understood himself and that Vax really, really didn’t want to listen to her. He sighed, letting his eyes wander to avoid looking at Vex. It actually was quite pretty out here, a bright, clear sky overlooking the dense, barren trees to his left and right. He could only guess what it’d look like in spring, summer, autumn when the canopies of the trees would create a thick roof of greenery, shielding this spot from the rest of the world. He understood why Vex liked coming here. Just as he sped up to catch up with her, something caught his attention. It was a lonely green rock, nestled into the roots of a big tree just off the trail. Keyleth would love that, Vax thought as he picked it up. She could put it on the shelf above her bed, next to her plants and candles and all the other little trinkets she kept up there.
No, fuck. What was he thinking? There was no way Keyleth would want some dumb rock he found in the dirt. He turned, wanting to place the rock back where he’d found it.
“No, keep it.”
Vax spun around to find Vex just behind him. She must’ve decided that he was taking too long and come after him. “Keep it,” she repeated, “Give it to her, then talk to her.”
“Fine,” Vax said with a self-conscious grin, “But I’m not even sure she’d want to talk to me.”
“She will want an explanation, I can tell you that much. And… Well, if she doesn’t want to hear you out any further, that’ll be your own fault, won’t it?”
Vax sighed. “How very encouraging, thanks.”
“You are an idiot, why would I sugarcoat that?” Vex asked, but she seemed significantly less annoyed than before.
“Fair. I deserve that.”
“You sure do,” Vex sighed. “In all seriousness, Vax, I want you to be happy and I care about Keyleth too.”
“Have- uh, have you actually talked to Keyleth about any of this?”
Vex shook her head. “No, I- Well, I’ve seen her a few times but I kind of got the impression that she needed some space, from me specifically, so I- I’ve been at Percy’s a lot because I think she prefers not having me around at the moment. I don’t really know, maybe she’s mad at me. But I think she’s going through enough right now, so I didn’t want to force a resolution or anything.”
“I-…,” Vax tried running through the past few weeks, trying to remember whether Keyleth had ever mentioned being upset with Vex, but came up empty. “Maybe it’s because you look like me,” he suggested with a grin. Vex rolled her eyes but smiled back.
“Just apologize to her, then we’ll see.”

***

Vax flipped the page of his book and sighed when he saw it was just as densely printed as the previous one. Was it too much to ask for a picture every now and then? The letters were slightly blurring before him, jumbling together on the page. Vax rubbed his eyes, hard. Gods, he was tired. This usually didn’t happen to him, not anymore. Not when he was reading Common anyways. He suspected that elvish would be a different story, still, though he didn’t much care to test that theory. Too many unpleasant memories of tutors, impatiently tapping on the table, Vex long finished and him sitting there laboring through the same lines over and over again, the letters defying him. No, no matter how long and boring his reading for class got, it wasn’t as bad as his classes in Syngorn had been. Onto the next page, then.
Half an hour later, Vax slammed his book shut and shoved his notes into the pile of papers quickly compiling on his desk. He was making surprisingly decent headway through the material. The break would officially start tomorrow, giving him even more time to study, so maybe he’d actually pass all his exams this semester. That’d be a first.
See, he thought with a stab of guilt, sometimes misplaced energy could be useful. Even if the bouts of energy came from putting off something important… Like finally talking to the girl he liked. Indeed, it had been almost a week now since Vex had staged an intervention for him, and he still hadn’t gotten around to doing anything about it. Why? If he’d only known that.
To his credit, he had been close once, a few days ago. He’d been on his way to the library after class when he’d spotted Keyleth just heading out of the library, bundled into a thick sweater, her red hat clashing horribly with her hair. He’d almost done it, then. Run up to her, apologize, beg her to just listen to him. But it was as if his legs didn’t want to listen, and he’d stayed frozen to the spot, sulked into the shadows, heart hammering until she’d disappeared from view.
Vax sighed and plopped down on his bed. Vex was right, he knew she was. He was hurting Keyleth and he needed to fix it, the sooner the better, but every time he as much as thought about it, it was like a heavy weight settled on his chest. Even now, it was like he couldn’t breathe, the pressure so intense he could feel it crushing his heart and lungs right through his ribs. It was all in his head, of course, he thought as he plucked the stupid green rock from his nightstand and began twirling it around in his fingers. There was no reason at all for him to be acting like this. It shouldn’t be hard to simply get off his ass and head down the hall to her room to talk to her. But somehow, it was. Somehow, his head seemed to block every notion of even getting near her and every time he tried to come up with to say to her, exactly, it was like someone had replaced any and all of his thoughts with static. It’d been more than two weeks now since he’d essentially ghosted Keyleth and part of the problem was that he couldn’t shake the thought that maybe, he’d missed his chance. He knew it wasn’t true, two weeks really weren’t that long in the grand scheme of things, but the feeling was paralyzing nonetheless. All the while, the more he froze up, the quicker time seemed to slip through his fingers, which only made the feeling of running out of it worse… And he wasn’t getting out of this one by just sitting it out. Which raised the next issue: He really didn’t know how he’d even start that conversation once he finally got over himself. He knew that he was the one who had messed up, so he’d have to take the first step if he wanted to rekindle anything with Keyleth, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was forcing himself back into her life, into a spot no longer reserved for him. The thought alone made him miserable. He just missed Keyleth so fucking much, the way she talked, the way she laughed. Their conversations, the way they could talk about nothing for hours and time seemed to fly by anyways.
Time and time again, Vax found himself reaching for his phone to look at the few pictures they had together. There was one of the two of them in Percy’s apartment posing, laughing while Vex and Percy kissed in the background, unaware. They’d both thought it was hilarious and Vax was pretty sure Keyleth had even put it up on her wall, much to Vex’s annoyance. There were a few others as well and looking at them now, Vax thought it was almost comical how long it had taken everyone around him to catch on to the fact that he had feelings for Keyleth. It was so painfully obvious, especially in the more recent pictures, the way he always leaned in her direction, the way he looked at her. Even now, the pull was still there, the need to be near her, physically or not. Gods, romance aside, he just wanted his friend back.
Vax sat up. Fuck, there it was, the root to his problem. Ever since the talking to he’d gotten from Vex, maybe even since before then, the same fear had been festering in the back of his mind. What if he talked to Keyleth and she didn’t want anything to do with him anymore? The idea terrified him. He’d come to terms with not dating her, not being with her like that, a while ago, but losing her as a friend too? That idea alone made him want to crawl under his covers and disappear. And in some way this stupid, fucked up purgatory he was currently in was easier to deal with than the reality that he might really, fully lose her. Not that he wouldn’t lose her anyways if he didn’t finally get off his ass. He’d considered texting her, had drafted countless versions of the same message in the last few days, not an apology or anything, just asking her if she wanted to talk. In the end, he always ended up deleting them. It felt like the coward’s way out, like putting the burden of deciding how to proceed on Keyleth when it was his fuckup to deal with. So yeah, he needed to do something, fix this, and soon, or else he’d lose his chance to make anything right again. Not today, though. It was late, Vax told himself, and Keyleth was probably already asleep. He’d do it tomorrow.

Chapter Text

“One more time,” Keyleth muttered to herself, straining to complete another Wildshape transformation, but it was no good. Her magic felt utterly depleted and anyways, even if it hadn't been, she felt way too awful to keep practicing anything, let alone magic. With a surge of irritation, Keyleth flicked her hair out of her face. These days, it always felt too warm, too heavy, too… much. She dropped onto her bed, one of her pillows uncomfortably wedged against her spine, but she felt so tired and heavy that it seemed impossible to move it. Instead, she dimly stared at the ceiling, waiting for her roiling stomach to calm down. The nausea, however, courtesy of equal parts anxiety and hunger seemed here to stay, right along with the dull, pounding headache that’d been plaguing her for days now. Keyleth closed her eyes, the pale afternoon sun painting bright spots onto the insides of her eyelids. Gods, she was exhausted.
Not sleeping all night and spending all day forcing herself to study probably wasn’t healthy, but what was she supposed to do? It wasn’t like she chose to stay up all night, her thoughts and heart rate alike going a hundred miles an hour. It always, frustratingly, went the same way. She’d lie down, close her eyes, exhaustion making her peacefully drift off. She’d be almost there, on the edge of sleep and then, inevitably, the thoughts would start to creep in. It’d start with Vax, with her obsessing over the same things over and over again, the same interactions, until she felt like her heart would shatter into a million little pieces. The way he’d talked to her that last time she’d seen him, that weird encounter in the hallway that had finally clued her in to the fact that something was very wrong. And from there, there was no turning back, no stopping the downwards spiral. It usually stopped being about Vax right around then, turning into general anxiety fueled self-hatred. Vax was right to leave because she was annoying, she was dumb and immature and naïve to a fault, a sheltered little kid that didn’t understand how the world worked. Of course her dad was right to constantly be on her case, he had raised her after all so he knew best that she wasn’t good for anything, couldn’t do anything right, that she’d never be good enough. Had she been good enough, her mom would still be around, wouldn’t she? It would just keep going like this, sometimes for hours on end and if, by some miracle, Keyleth managed to cry herself to sleep or her body gave in to the exhaustion, sleep only came in short, fitful bursts that left her even more foggy brained and bleary eyed.
With a groan, Keyleth dragged herself back to her desk. She still had so much to do. Sleep deprived and jittery at the same time, there was only so much studying she could manage, but she’d be damned if she didn’t at least try. Giving up wasn’t an option seeing as exams didn’t give a shit about her mental health. With the state she was in, magic wrecked her body, and that was assuming she could even use any spells through the near constant haze of anxiety. Still, she could labor through some theory. Biology especially was hells of a lot of memory work and if she just forced herself to go through the material again and again, at least some of it was bound to stick, even if it’d cost her her sanity.
At least there were only three days of class left before the break, a sliver of a silver lining. She’d have more time to focus on studying and trying to get better, mentally and physically. Originally, she’d planned on staying on campus for most of the first week of the break and only going home for a few days over Winter’s Crest, but she was seriously rethinking that decision now. As a matter of fact, she couldn’t remember ever feeling this lonely and isolated at college, not even in that horrible first semester. Day in and day out, she just sat in this miserable little dorm room, the endless void of her thoughts threatening to consume her entirely, with no one there to anchor her. Vex had stopped coming by altogether, and it wasn’t like Keyleth was too keen on talking to her anyways. There was Percy, too, who most likely knew what was going on just by being Vex’s boyfriend, but Keyleth knew that he was incredibly busy juggling exams and his work placement. Not to mention that he seemed really, truly happy and who was she to get in the way of that with her stupid boy drama? And then Pike… Keyleth sighed. Pike would be able to comfort her for sure, probably along with some much-needed words of advice, but again, she was dealing with a lot herself without doubling as Keyleth’s therapist. And, more importantly, Keyleth still hadn’t told her about any of the Vax-related bullshit that was currently her life and just the idea of having to rehash it all over again seemed exhausting enough that Keyleth wasn’t even willing to entertain it. And those were just about all the friends she had so even if Zephrah wasn’t her number one choice, going somewhere where she’d feel even slightly less isolated seemed like a decent idea. And anyways, Keyleth’s original holiday plans had gone out the window the minute she’d fallen out with the twins. Percy and Pike would leave for their respective vacations right when classes let out, so she wouldn’t even have the option to spend time with them and with Percy off skiing with Cassie, Vex would most likely be back to living in their room full time and that would lead to so much awkwardness, Keyleth could feel her anxiety skyrocket just thinking about it.
Her dad would be excited to have her home for longer, too, which… Well. Keyleth knew what she was getting into, so at least she’d be able to mentally prepare for it. Studying would be a pain with him constantly hovering over her shoulder and they’d probably have to have more than one difficult conversation, sure, but then, she didn’t have to spend all day at home. And she did like the idea of some time away from her stuffy, gloomy room, some more time in Zephrah. Even at her worst, managing her anxiety was so much easier under the wide, open skies of her hometown, the wild winds and spirits of the mountains whipping around her. And she could go outside, real nature not just Emon’s sad little parks, spend all day checking on their little garden and the trees and the animals. Really, Keyleth always found that it was hard to feel lonely when surrounded by nature. She should call her dad.

***

She was packing too much again, Keyleth thought as she dumped her freshly washed clothes into her suitcase, not even attempting to fold them. No time. Just looking at the pile prompted her to feel an irrational wave of annoyance. Somehow, most of her stuff had been making her feel this way lately. Objetively, there was nothing wrong with her clothes. They were nice, colors that suited her well, comfortable and for the most part practical, too. The issue more so stemmed from the fact that she’d had most of them since she’d been fourteen or fifteen. For almost as long as she could remember, Keyleth had been conscious to not to buy too much, not to create any waste that wasn’t absolutely necessary, out of respect for nature and the world around her. And if that meant wearing every piece of clothing until it fell apart, she was okay with that. Or at least she had been until recently. Sure, a lot of the pieces had worn thin with time, but the bigger issue was that they just didn’t feel like her anymore. Too simple, too plain and basic. Maybe she should ask her dad for some new clothes for Winter’s Crest, though that raised the question of what she would even want. Sure, she was outgrowing her teenage self’s style, but she wasn’t entirely sure what she was growing into yet. Something to think about. Or maybe not. Better to shove it onto the ever-growing pile of things she actively avoided thinking about.
Squishing her clothes to the side with one hand, Keyleth carefully placed Percy’s Winter’s Crest gift at the bottom of the suitcase. It was a cutting of the Sun Tree in Whitestone for Keyleth to plant in Zephrah. It was a thoughtful gift, perfect for her.
Just before the start of the semester, Percy had invited her to spend a few days in Whitestone, and he must’ve noticed just how fascinated she’d been with the imposing tree in the town’s center. Keyleth remembered wondering what sorts of things this tree had seen, especially with Percy mentioning that Whitestone had a lot of history and not all of it peaceful. And now she had a piece of that history to bring to Zephrah. In light of that, Keyleth almost felt bad for only getting Percy a book about forgotten Exandrian folklore, but really, what did you even get someone who was obscenely rich and had everything already? And anyways, Percy had seemed pleased enough, though their gift exchange had been quite hectic since he’d been halfway out the door when Keyleth had arrived at his apartment.
That only left Keyleth with the wrapped present for Pike, a bottle of slightly nicer booze than what Pike usually got drunk on. Well, that wasn’t strictly true, since Keyleth had bought gifts for the twins, too, but those now sat in the furthest corner of her desk hidden away under a generous amount of clutter.
Hey, she texted Pike, U still around on campus? Have gifts.
Aw! Pike replied almost immediately, Shit, completely forgot… I’m already omw to the temple, sorry! Let’s get together after, alright?
Oh well, have fun tho, happy holidays…
Annoyed, Keyleth locked her phone. She’d been looking forward to seeing Pike, but that’s what she got for procrastinating everything, including packing, until the very last second. Speaking of, she still hadn’t asked Vex to look after her plants for the next week. Yet another stupid thing she had to take care of. Great. Keyleth let out a frustrated groan. Gods, what even was her fucking life? She really hadn’t been feeling like herself lately. In a way, her anxiety was probably to blame for that, the way it had her feeling agitated by the smallest inconveniences, locked out of her own head, along with the constant feeling of exhaustion. Gods, she hated it. Why did everyone else get to be fucking normal and here she was, fighting her own brain and body every day just to exist?
The other part of feeling so disconnected from herself came from seeing Percy and Pike, both of whom she’d known for over two years now, change and grow into themselves and here she was, getting left behind once again. Every time she felt like maybe things were changing, maybe she didn’t have to be that perpetually worried, awkward, overwhelmed girl anymore, something happened that set her back right to where she’d started. And if there was one thing she felt sure about it was that she didn’t want to be that person anymore, the kind of person who didn’t know how to put herself first, who let everyone else walk all over her. No one would look out for her if she didn’t learn to do it herself. Not that those changes were some that could happen overnight, but maybe she was taking steps in the right direction. Lately, for instance, she’d been really, really pissed at Vax and that seemed like a good place to start. He’d left her hurting and confused, stranded with her own insecurities, all seemingly confirmed by the fact that he didn’t want her. Being angry felt way better than being constantly sad, and anyways, why should he get away with making her feel either way?
The worst part, though, was that despite the hurt, the anger, there was a part of her that still wanted him back. There was no good reason for her to still have feelings for him, not after how he’d treated her, and yet. There was a small part of Keyleth that was still holding out hope that maybe, if only he gave her a good explanation, there’d still be a chance for them. As friends, sure, saving the friendship they’d built over the last few months would be wonderful, but was she so wrong to hope for more still?
Yes, Keyleth answered her own question, yes, she was wrong. Gods, wasn’t she pathetic? There she was, angry instead of hurting for once and still ready to drop every negative feeling at the thought of another chance with Vax.
And even if she was being irrational and delusional and all of this was actually her fault, not that it was, she knew that, but on the off chance that somehow, she was to blame, didn’t she still deserve to know what was going on? What if she just marched right on over to Vax’s room and fucking asked? If she was right there, he couldn’t run away, could he? Keyleth let out a nervous little laugh for no one at all. The idea of going over there and actually confronting him made her heart jump to her throat, her skin prickling uncomfortably. She didn’t really want to do it anyways, although fantasizing about it did feel kind of… good. Though maybe she should, if only for her own peace of mind. Going home would be stressful enough without spending every second of downtime obsessing over this entire stupid situation. Maybe it was time she took closure into her own hand?
Before she could follow that train of thought any further, a knock sounded on the door. Keyleth sighed. Maybe Vex felt like she’d spent so much time away that she now had to knock at her own door.
“You live here,” Keyleth said dryly. No reaction. Then, another knock. “Yes,” Keyleth repeated, louder this time, annoyance slowly rising, “Come in!”
The door slowly pushed open and… it wasn’t Vex at all.
Almost without noticing, Keyleth shot to her feet. “Vax?” she asked incredulously. Hadn’t she just thought about… Never mind that, what was he doing here? It was like her breath caught in her throat at the sight of him, all sharp angles, and tired eyes. “I-,” she couldn’t form a coherent sentence, words all gone. She couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe.
“Hi,” Vax said tentatively, when Keyleth continued to stare, hovering near the door, “Is…,” he took a deep breath, “Can we talk? Please?”
This, finally, snapped Keyleth out of it. Here was her chance to make him listen. “No. I have something to say first.”
Vax just nodded.
“I..,” Keyleth swallowed hard, stomach lurching like she missed a step going downstairs. She’d liked the idea of confronting him but actual confrontation? Fuck, she wasn’t good at that at all. “Um, so,” she started up again, “Uh, I… I don’t know what you’re here to tell me, and before you do that, I… need you know that you’ve really hurt me and…” Gods, what was she even saying? Despite imagining this conversation time and time again, going over what she’d tell him, how she’d say it, it was all gone now. She couldn’t grasp her own thoughts, a droning white noise wrapping around any coherent thought like a thick blanket.
“It’s just that,” she started up again, but her voice sounded strangled and too high, like she’d start crying any moment. Deep breath. “Just, I like you and, uh, spending time with you meant a lot to me, but you really acted like an ass and… that wasn’t…very nice.” Just perfect. She’d wanted to sound cool, calm, and collected, instead here she was, rambling. Boy, she was really selling it. Keyleth also noticed how much she had to fight to even get the words out. Admitting that Vax had hurt her felt wrong, somehow. It’s fine, she wanted to tell him, I’m okay, don’t worry about me, I’m here to listen to you, we can work it out. She took another deep breath. No backtracking, not when it was this important.
“You hurt me,” she reiterated, more to reassure herself, “And I don’t know if I can see past that. Well, I want to, I… I do want to be friends again…” Maybe more, too. “But, uh, I don’t know…Well, yeah. That’s what I wanted to say.” Keyleth exhaled slowly. Wonderful, she’d fumbled that about as badly as possible. Hadn’t she been mad at Vax five minutes ago? Where had all that anger gone to? Now, he looked so sad and defeated, shoulders slumped, eyes wide, and all she could think of was how badly she’d missed him, how much she wanted to hug him and just be okay again. Vax’s gaze stayed fixed on her. She’d fucked up, hadn’t she? He’d wanted to explain, and she’d pushed him away.
“You,” Vax started up, taking a step towards her. He inhaled like he was bracing himself, then: “You know I’m in love with you, right?”
Keyleth stared at him. “You-You’re what?” It was like his words weren’t quite getting through to her, like she wasn’t fully processing quite yet.
“I am really fucking in love with you and, Kiki, I can explain.” His voice was pleading, desperation creeping in at the edges.
“Alright, explain then,” Keyleth said quietly. Her heart was hammering in her chest. Was this really happening? It couldn’t be, right? She was so sleep deprived that she passed out while packing and now she was dreaming. That was the only reasonable explanation.
“I, well,” Vax inhaled again, “I like you so very much… I’ve already said that, uh. Gods, this is going great. Well, here it goes. Not to, uhm, blame my daddy issues or anything but I have this fun little thing where I feel like I don’t deserve to let myself be loved. So, when relationships get serious, I panic, self-destruct, and end it. And… Well, I did feel like you and I were maybe going somewhere? And I really do care about you even, well, outside of my other feelings and I got really scared that I’d fall back into my old bullshit and hurt you and I wanted to avoid that above all else, so I thought if I just sought distance, got over you in secret, it’d all be okay but, well,” he sighed, “I’m an idiot. I didn’t think it through at all, really, I only ever thought of myself the entire time, even when I thought I was being selfless, and I never meant for it to go this far. Not-not that that’s an excuse, but for what it’s worth… I am so very sorry that I’ve hurt you.”
Gods, he was sweet. How could she possibly be angry at him when all he’d wanted to do was spare her feelings? It almost made her hurt all over again, how much she liked him, still. She took another step towards him. “What I guess I don’t understand,” she finally said, all the fight gone out of her, “Is why you wouldn’t just… tell me? Because…” She swallowed. If Vax could do this, so could she. “Because I also really like you, like, a lot. And you just pulled away and I wish I could have known the reason. I… well, I think I deserved to know the reason. Maybe it would have hurt me less that way.”
“And I know that!” Vax said, “Don’t you think I don’t know that? I, gods, I really don’t have a good reason. I really thought I was doing the right thing at the time, and I’ve realized that it was wrong of me to make that decision on my own. That’s really all I have to say about it.”
“Yeah, it’s not what you should have done,” Keyleth agreed. “I think I kind of get it, though, why you did it. I just…,” she took a deep breath. This was the hardest part, the part that felt like going against everything she wanted. “I don’t think I can give you an answer right now. Not one you’d want to hear, anyways. I’m glad we talked, I’m glad you told me everything you did, but… I think I need some time to… think it through. I’m sorry.” Even though she wanted nothing more than to tell Vax it was alright, that she forgave him, that she wanted him back, this wouldn’t do. She owed herself more than a heat-of-the moment decision because she missed him. She owed herself some time to reflect on what he’d said and, more importantly, how it affected what she wanted. If it changed anything at all.
To Keyleth’s relief, Vax didn’t argue. He simply nodded. “That’s honestly already more than I expected and… Kiki?” He stepped closer and tentatively brushed his fingers against hers, a small gesture that sent a warm, prickling sensation up Keyleth’s arm. “Don’t force yourself to do anything for my sake, alright? Promise.” Keyleth nodded. Maybe it’d be easier to focus on herself if she was doing it not for her own sake, but because she’d promised Vax.
“Alright, then.” Vax gave her a small smile, “So, where do we go from here?”
“Well, I- um, I am actually going to my dad’s house today, at least until Winter’s Crest.”
Vax shot her a confused look. “Really? Didn’t you say you’d stay here over the break?”
“Well, I was going to, but then we fell out, didn’t we? And I really didn’t want to be here anymore.”
“Okay, that would do it.” Vax sighed, “I’m sorry.”
Keyleth smiled. “Keep apologizing and I’ll have an answer right now for you after all.”
“I would stop,” Vax shot her a grin, “But really, I’m just giving you some exposure therapy because that is how you sound all of the time.”
Keyleth lightly slapped his shoulder. “Nothing but lies.”
“Whatever you say.”
“Anyway,” Keyleth said quickly, “So, how about I go to my dad’s, and we both take some time to… think about what we want and how to proceed from here? And then, when I get back, we can talk it out and… well, you know.” Immediately, Keyleth could feel the all too familiar blush creeping up her neck, her face. Wonderful.
Vax nodded, thankfully ignoring her fluster. “That sounds like a plan. When are you leaving anyways?”
“Uh,” Keyleth took a step back to retrieve her phone from her bed, “Well, they’re opening a portal for me from Zephrah, so I have to be at this specific tree, but I have a few more minutes.” A few minutes was stretching it, but this was too important to her.
“A portal in a tree? Can you do that, too?”
Keyleth shook her head. “It’s really advanced stuff and I don’t quite have the magic reserves for that yet. I’d probably pass out if I tried.”
“Shame,” Vax smiled, “Sounds like a useful spell to have. Oh, gods, I almost forgot. I have something for you, here.” Vax pulled something from his pocket and handed it to Keyleth. It was a rock, a deep forest green and smooth as a marble, still warm from sitting in his pocket. It was small, small enough to carry it with her always. She closed her fingers around it.
“It’s so pretty, thank you. I have something for you too, wait.”
For the first time since Vax had come in, Keyleth fully became aware of the state the room was in. Clothes strewn over the floor, books stacked up on the desk, every inch of surface littered with notes, pens, empty candy wrappers, dead leaves fallen off her various plants, a crusty makeup blender and, mysteriously, a single sock. Embarrassment prickling up her spine, she tried her best to shield the view from Vax as she began rummaging through the layers of clutter until she found it: a small black box, hidden away under an old to-do list.
“Happy Winter’s Crest,” she said, holding it out to Vax.
He took it, carefully unwrapping it, like it was something delicate, fragile. “Oh,” he breathed, “Oh, Kiki, those are nice.” He gently plucked one of the earrings, a small silver ring with a dagger charm dangling from it, from the box and held it up to the window, light glinting off it. “Well, now I feel bad for only getting you a rock.”
Keyleth watched him, grinning. “It’s a good rock, though.”
“See, that’s what I think.”
“Shit, I think I really need to be off now,” Keyleth suddenly remembered, “The tree is kind far off the dorm and…,”
“Hey, no worries. Happy holidays, I guess and have a good time at your dad’s.”
Keyleth smiled at him. “You too.”

***

Keyleth took the last step up, then let her head fall back and spread her arms like wings, the winds nipping at her hair, circling her like they were asking her to dance. They should have been wild, untamed, dangerous, even, this high up in the mountains but Keyleth always found that the winds listened to her, gentle when she wanted them to be, wild when she needed them to be. Finally, she looked around. She’d climbed the highest place in Zephrah, an outcropping of boulder on an even more imposing mountain, trees long left behind, the houses of her hometown speckling the plateau below. It was much colder than in Emon up here, a thick, permanent layer of powdery snow covering every last inch. Even from this high up, she could see the sprawling cherry tree, the heart of Zephrah, the branches laden with snow, ripe with icicles. It was a shame, Keyleth thought, that she barely came home anymore. She’d missed springtime with its lush cherry blossoms entirely this year, just because she’d been fighting with her dad then.
Keyleth squatted down next to the small, snowed-in shrine to the Wildmother that’d been erected up here, brushing her fingers over the thick green vines climbing up a high, narrow cairn, little snow-covered trinkets placed on the rock fragments. Speaking of her dad. They’d had tea right after she’d arrived, and it had been okay enough. No tense discussions about college thus far, not even a single question about her exams. Still, Keyleth half regretted coming home now. College didn’t seem like such a bad place to be after all, and really, what was she supposed to do out here all week? Sit around with her dad and discuss all her shortcomings? Oh right, she could also study. Wonderful.
Oh gods. Keyleth quietly laughed to herself. Was Vax rubbing off on her? She liked college, she liked learning. Usually, she’d prepare for her exams with minimal complaining but this time around she had to admit that hiking back down and getting her books out was the last thing she wanted to do today. Though maybe she should blame the situation she was in, not herself. Now that she was up here, surrounded by only nature, no distractions, she noticed how much she was still reeling from talking to Vax, going over every moment again and again, every word said, every sentence exchanged, wondering if she’d done the right thing. She also found herself looking back at the last few weeks, Vax’s behavior, her own reaction to it, through the lens of a new perspective. Not that it helped all that much. She was still hurt, if not hurting, although she felt like a weight had finally lifted off her. At least she knew what was going on now, at least Vax was her friend again. Which led her right back to the question she’d been circling around for hours now: Could it be enough to be his friend?

***

If it’d keep snowing like this, they’d be snowed into their house by Winter’s Crest, Keyleth mused, flipping through her physics textbook. Not that she’d mind. The snow, the quiet, soft peace it promised, took her back to the wonderful, endless holidays when she’d been a little kid. Well, maybe it took her back to the romanticized version of Winter’s Crest she’d made up in her head. That was it, she was nostalgic for an idea, not the real thing, because if she was honest, Winter’s Crest in the Asharis household had always kind of sucked, after her mom left anyways. Obviously, the first one or two years without her had been rough but back then, Keyleth and her dad had been sad together at least, each other’s source of comfort when her mother didn’t magically reappear for the holidays, just like she hadn’t done for birthdays. When there were no off-key carols, and an empty plate in front of an empty chair. It had gotten worse as the years went on. They’d gotten used to her mom’s absence by then, but on Winter’s Crest, it often hit them all over again. Keyleth still remembered being a preteen, wandering the small community festival in Zephrah on her own, her dad shut away at home, turning sadder and quieter the nearer the holiday drew. Keyleth didn’t fully understand, then, that it wasn’t just her who had lost her mom, that her dad had lost his wife, too. To her, it always seemed like her dad was avoiding her for the sake of it, maybe because, secretly, even though he promised her otherwise again and again, he blamed her for her mom leaving after all. They’d exchange gifts quietly, dinner in silence and then Keyleth would usually retreat to her room just to avoid the desolate atmosphere in the house. It had gotten a lot better since she’d moved out, though. Keyleth suspected that her dad was now so used to being alone that he was just glad to have her home for a few days. And anyways, Winter’s Crest was simply too nice to be sad. It was freezing cold out, and Keyleth had found a nice candle in her room that now filled the living room with a pleasant vanilla and cinnamon scent and her dad had also stocked up on her favorite, expensive tea that was hard to get in Emon. Things were good.
Keyleth’s mood got even better when her phone buzzed on the table with a message from Vax. She opened the chat and found herself looking at a picture of a grinning Vex and Vax in matching, awful white and green and blue knit sweaters, proclaiming Whitestone Is For Lovers on the front surrounded by snowflakes and little approximations of the Sun Tree. They really did look terrible, but in a sort of endearing way, Vex holding a tray of slightly burned cookies into the camera, strands of cheap silver tinsel braided into both twins’ hair. Only now did Keyleth realize that they were in Percy’s kitchen. He must have given Vex a key.
Did you steal those from Percy?, Keyleth texted back, They really suit u guys. She couldn’t help but smile at the two of them, obviously making space for themselves to celebrate.
“Taking a break?” Keyleth startled at the sound of Korrin’s voice, disrupting her comfortable, cozy moment.
“Yeah,” she replied, coolly. She’d been on her phone for five fucking seconds, before that she’d been studying for at least two hours, only taking breaks to brew herself new tea. But of course, that was not what her dad cared about.
“How’s it going?”
Keyleth shrugged. “Fine.” Much to her annoyance, her dad pulled out a chair and sat down opposite her.
“How is college?” He asked, arms crossed, leaning back comfortably. Keyleth immediately felt put on edge, but Korrin followed up with “How are your friends? How is, what’s her name, Pike? Your roommate?”
Keyleth sighed. At this point, she wasn’t even sure whose fault it was that her dad barely knew anything about her life anymore. Was it he who never asked? Or was it Keyleth who always shut him down when he did? “I have a new roommate,” she finally said, “Her name’s Vex, she’s nice. Also started dating Percy a bit ago.” She wasn’t sure why she didn’t mention Vax, only knew that introducing him as a friend would feel wrong but she was currently too busy trying to untangle her own feelings to call him anything else.
“Percy… He’s the… what’s it he’s doing again? Engineering?”
“That’s him.”
“And you?” There was a glint in Korrin’s eyes now that told Keyleth he wasn’t being all that serious, “Any boyfriends in sight?”
“Or girlfriends,” Keyleth said, more on principle than anything else.
“Oh. Yes, obviously. As long as you’re happy. Though,” he smiled, “Girlfriends and boyfriends aside, I think it’s good you’re focusing on school, you’ll still have all the time in the world to find someone after you graduate. When are your exams again?”
“I-,” Keyleth sighed. “End of Horisal. You do know that you don’t always have to be there looming over my shoulder, right? I know what I’m doing.”
Korrin’s smile deepened. “Cut your old man some slack, will you? Just looking out for you, kiddo, I promise.”
“What if I don’t need you to?” Keyleth asked quietly.
“Keylie, I’m your dad. Trust me, I know what you need and even if you disagree right now, you’ll thank me when you’re older.”
Keyleth took a deep breath. He meant well, she knew that. Still, she couldn’t help getting annoyed, spiteful, angry answers on the tip of her tongue. “Dad, I haven’t lived with you for over two years. You barely even know me anymore, I’ve changed, and I do better when you’re not constantly pressuring me, trust me. Please.”
“Pressuring you? Keylie, that’s not at all what I’m doing, I just worry! I saw you struggle, and I want to support you!”
“What if that’s not the support I need, though?” Keyleth shot back angrily. “Have you even once asked me what I want or need from you?”
Korrin sighed. “I see that you’re upset and there’s really no reason for that. You know that this is important to me, and it should be important to you, too.”
There it was again, her dad’s endless, favorite topic. Keyleth’s family, on her mother’s side to be exact, had been known for generations to be the Zephrahn family from which most headmasters of the Air Ashari had descended. Hence them keeping the last name Asharis when all four Ashari tribes had been officially disbanded and given real last names by the respective councils around the world. Keyleth had later learned that from the minute her parents met, her dad had been obsessed with the idea of raising their children in the traditional ways of the Ashari, honoring his wife’s heritage, their people, and their hometown alike and his desire to raise Keyleth to be a powerful druid seemed to have only been amplified by his wife leaving. It was almost as if he wanted to make sure that the two of them stuck to the old ways to stay connected to his wife, with no regard for how his only daughter was taking to all the added pressure. Not that it had worked out particularly well anyways, since his insistence that Keyleth had to always be the best, the most special and talented made her not even want to be in Zephrah, where all eyes were on her, Korrin’s prodigy. It was even more of a shame because Keyleth really did love her magic and how it connected her to her home and those who’d come before her, but she’d always felt like her dad cared about her getting stronger for all the wrong reasons.
“I know that it matters to you,” Keyleth said, “I do. And it matters to me too, which is why I’m going to be okay, I promise. But you always pressuring me, because that’s what you’re doing even if it doesn’t feel like it to you, isn’t the kind of support you think it is. It makes me really anxious, actually, and my magic is so much worse when I’m anxious all the time. You really aren’t helping me, and I-I’ve been trying to tell you, but you don’t really listen.”
Korrin let out a small, exasperated sound. “Oh come on, don’t you think you’re being a little dramatic? Everyone gets nervous before exams and that really isn’t so bad, most people perform way better under a bit of pressure. Helps them focus.”
“Dad,” Keyleth tried to put every last bit of restraint she could muster into her voice, “That is not the same thing. I’m really not okay, I have a fucking anxiety disorder, and that’s not a new thing, either. I’ve had it for years now.”
For a second, Keyleth allowed herself to think that she’d finally gotten through to him, that she’d finally made him listen, but then he pushed himself off the table and got up. “Don’t cuss, Keyleth. I’m not talking to you if you’re being disrespectful.” And with that, he walked off, leaving Keyleth to gape after him.

Chapter Text

“And this is our tree!” Velora said, excitedly wagging the phone around.
“Love, you need to hold the phone still,” Vex said, amused, “It gets all blurry if you’re jumping around like this.”
“Oh…,” Velora paused, then flipped the camera so her excited face filled the screen again, “Anyways, Mummy and Daddy and me are going to go to the festival tomorrow, the big one down by the Citadel! Daddy always said I was too small to go and that it was only for grown-ups, but I’m a big girl now!”
Vax had been to the main Winter’s Crest market in Syngorn a few times and for once, he found himself agreeing with Syldor. The market was always packed, seeing as it was an attraction that drew thousands of visitors every year, the hundreds of booths creating their own little maze-like city. Certainly not a place where you wanted to risk losing your small child.
“That’s exciting, darling,” Vex smiled, “Tell your Mummy to send us some photos, will you?” There was a wistfulness to her voice, the way she looked at Velora. Vex loved kids, loved the idea of a big, loving family and Vax knew how much she hated that she had to watch their little sister grow up from afar, only see her milestones and important moments through snapshots.
“If you’re going to the big girl market,” Vax said conspiratorially, “There’s this one booth, just off the central square, kind of up towards the citadel, and they have the best candied apples, tell Syl- tell Dad to get you some, yeah? Oh, and by the way, Vex and I would like to send you a little something. Anything you want?”
“Hmmmmm,” Velora cocked her head to the side. Spoiled little kid, Vax thought affectionately, Syldor probably got her anything she wanted anyways.
“Oh I know!” Velora suddenly lit up, “I want you guys to visit! Pleeeease? For Winter’s Crest? Or, oh I know! For my birthday!”
Vax found himself exchanging a look with Vex. “Maybe, sure. We’ll have to see if we have time.” For once, it wasn’t even a made-up excuse, seeing as Velora’s birthday was early in Misuthar, right around the time they’d be having their last exams.
Velora evidently hadn’t noticed the look shared between her siblings, because she just kept talking: “And Daddy has put me into archery school over the holidays and the teacher said she could tell I was your sister because I did really well!” She beamed at Vex and Vax watched his twin light up in turn. In Vax’s unqualified opinion, Vex had always been the best archer by a long shot, in her class at least, if not in the entire school, but none of the teacher and instructors had ever bothered to praise her or even acknowledge how fucking good she was. At least they told Velora now.
“And are you having fun, dear?” Vex asked and Velora nodded.
“There’s a girl in my class and she’s so pretty.”
“Oh, she for sure is your sister,” Vax murmured, quietly enough that the mic wouldn’t pick it up, “Crushing on random girls she’s met once.”
Vex grinned. “I think you mean our sister. You were the exact same way at that age and unlike me you have yet to grow out of it.”
Vax elbowed her in the side, then asked, loudly: “We have so much snow in Emon right now. Is it snowing in Syngorn as well?”
“It is! And the lake is frozen over, too! Ena’s mum is picking me up later and we’re gonna go ice skating!”
“Alright, love, I think you better go get ready then,” Vex said, “Have so much fun and a good Winter’s Crest, alright? Give your mum our regards.”
“Alright, bye-bye!” Velora waved one last time, then Vex disconnected the call and sighed.
“Do we need to go to Syngorn? I want to see Lori, I do, I feel bad that we’re always making excuses to not go, but at the same time… Especially when it’s her birthday, all the wretched cousins will be there.”
Vax shrugged. Vex had a point. Both Syldor and Devana had a handful of siblings, all of whom had kids themselves, some much older than Vex and Vax, some closer to Lori in age, but all elven and as rich and snotty as they came. Admittedly, most of them weren’t as outwardly hateful as Syldor himself, but that didn’t stop the snide remarks, the cruel little comments about how impressive it was that the twins managed to make it through university, and really, life in general in spite of their watered-down, lesser heritage, or worse, the pity that they’d never quite belong, never quite achieve then same greatness the elves seemed to think they were destined for just by their blood.
Still, Vax said: “We did survive that place for seven years, I think for Lori’s sake, we could manage an afternoon. And you could bring Percy for moral support, I’m sure Devana wouldn’t say no.”
“Oh gods.” Vex laughed, “Syldor would love him.”
“Oh, only until Percy would put his entire noble education and background to giving him a piece of his mind, in the most polite-asshole way imaginable.”
“I don’t need him to protect me,” Vex leaned back, smiling, “But it might be nice to have him there anyways. You could bring Kiki. Lori likes her.”
“I don’t think so. She’s half elven too, I don’t want to subject her to them. Anyways,” he added quickly to deter Vex from asking further questions about Keyleth, “Talking to Lori honestly made me want to check out the Winter market in Emon. I- I know we usually don’t go but...”
“I- sure?” Vex sighed. “It’ll be different, right?”
Vax nodded with more conviction than he felt. “Emon is so much bigger than Byroden, this will be nothing like market at home.”
“Yeah, I know, I’m just…” Vex hugged her knees to her chest, “Never mind, it’ll be fine.”
“Hey, we don’t have to go for ages. If it gets too much, we’ll just go back home.”
“Deal.” Vex hesitated for a second, then she added: “Gods, I know we’re grown now, and it’s been such a long time, but I still miss her so much.”
Vax leaned his head against his sister’s shoulder. “Me too, Stubby.” Then he jumped off the bed, pulling Vex with him, “Come on we’ll just go for a bit, have fun, take our minds off it. Let’s go.”
Not that he felt very good, either, but he could pretend for Vex’s sake, at least.

***
“So,” Vax glanced at his phone, “This is where you live, huh?” On his display, Keyleth nodded. She had her hair in pigtail braids, falling over her shoulders, comfortably curled into a big, stripey armchair. She was in more casual clothes than usual, an oversized white sweatshirt and grey leggings. She looked cute, Vax thought, happy, too. They’d been texting practically non-stop since Keyleth had left for Zephrah, but this was their first time chatting on the phone since having the talk. Vax had been terrified that it’d be weird or awkward, that they wouldn’t know what to talk about, but they had slipped right back into the old grooves of their strange maybe-friendship. Vax couldn’t even put into words how relieved he felt every time Keyleth laughed, every time they joked around like nothing had happened. It made him feel like everything would be just fine, in a way not many other things did. Gods, he’d missed her.
“Yes, really observant, I do, in fact, live here,” Keyleth grinned and panned the camera around. The house was nice, small but with tall ceilings, lots of light wood and plants everywhere, possibly even more than in Keyleth’s dorm, but the main attraction was the big glass front opening onto the mountainside.
“I cannot believe I fell for your little Oh I’m just from this boring small town spiel,” Vax deadpanned, “When you’re literally from the most magical place in all of Exandria.”
Zephrah, or at least the view from Keyleth’s living room window, really did look like straight out of a cheesy postcard, Vax thought, snow-covered little houses dotting a large valley between imposing peaks, a clear winter sky visible just above the thick layer of clouds shrouding the further away mountains.
Keyleth laughed. “It is pretty cool, isn’t it? Oh! You should visit in the spring, we have those cherry trees that bloom right around the Renewal Festival and it’s so pretty!”
“We should do that,” Vax agreed. Maybe he was reading into it too much, but a walk under blooming cherry trees sounded very much like a romantic date to him. He grinned. “Can I see your room?”
“No.” Keyleth said decidedly, then she added: “Well, I can send you a picture later, but I’m too lazy to go up there right now.” She moved the camera the other way around, and Vax saw a ladder leading up to a lofted space above the kitchen, two doors leading to what he assumed were Keyleth’s and her dad’s room.
“What’s that?” He asked, squinting at his screen, “That… hole… thing at the ceiling?” Now that he took a closer look, he noticed the gap, about six or seven inches wide and covered with some sort of tarp, ran along the entire ceiling in the house.
“Oh that,” Keyleth said off-handedly, “It’s because it’s so windy up here and by allowing the wind to pass through the houses, it’s much easier on the buildings and they don’t break down as easily. Ashari engineering… Speaking of,” she added, “Are you guys staying at Percy’s place?”
Vax nodded. “There was a leak in the dorm,” he explained, “Nothing too bad, luckily, but they asked everyone who had anywhere else to go to leave while they fixed it and Vex has a key to Percy’s anyways, so he offered us a place to stay. Which was nice of him, but his apartment is awful. I feel like it’s calling me poor just for existing. Did you know he has a full-sized family portrait in his bedroom? A real, painted one? Is that not insane?”
Keyleth laughed. “Yeah, I know. So, apart from the leak and the creepy De Rolo portrait, how have your holidays been?”
“Fine. Vex makes me study, but I went to the festival in Emon with her yesterday and we tried that hot berry cider stuff, you know the one that always smells super good, but as a kid you’re not allowed to have it because it has alcohol?”
Keyleth grinned. “Oh yeah, I know. Did you like it?”
“No. But now I can say that I’ve tried it.”
“It’s nasty, right?” Keyleth laughed “Way too sour.”
Right as Vax opened his mouth to agree with her, the door to Percy’s bedroom swung open.
“Gods, Vax, are you still on the phone? Poor Keyleth, give her a break,” Vex said, strolling past him towards the kitchen.
Vax gave her the finger. “Ignore her,” he told Keyleth, “She only just got off the phone with Percy after talking to him for two hours or so, but when I do it it’s different apparently.” Oh gods, Vax thought right as the words let his mouth, this was awkward. Of course it was different. Keyleth wasn’t his girlfriend, after all.
Keyleth didn’t seem to read into it too much. She just laughed and said: “Oh you mean when you talk to Percy non-stop Vex minds?”
Vax nodded. “Yup, shame she doesn’t like me having gossip sessions with my favorite brother-in-law,” he said solemnly.
Keyleth laughed even harder. “You make it sound like they’re married.”
“Eh, give it a few years, they might as well be, honestly.”
“Hm, you’re not wrong,” Keyleth said quietly, “They’re gonna be that couple, aren’t they? The one that gets married straight out of college and immediately starts having kids.”
Vax laughed. “True that. We can be the cool aunt and uncle that spoil them rotten, though. Anyways, how is Winter’s Crest in Zephrah?”
Keyleth shrugged, then threw a glance over her shoulder. “I- fine, I guess. I’ve been talking to my dad a lot? You know, about college and how I’m always anxious and… well at first, I thought he’d never listen but after a few days, he brought it up again all on his own and we discussed it again and I feel like he’s finally getting it. Well, he offered to send me to therapy anyways.”
“That sounds great,” Vax smiled, “I’m so glad he’s coming around. Hey, by the way, do you know when you’re getting back?”
“Right after Winter’s Crest, so, uh, yeah, day after tomorrow.” Keyleth grinned at him “Why?”
“No reason,” Vax grinned back, “No, uh, I was thinking that maybe we could go out? To lunch, or dinner maybe, depending on when you get back, exactly?”
Even through the screen, Vax could see that Keyleth was blushing violently, right up to the tips of her ears. “I- uh. So, I’d love that, but actually, I’d like to talk to you first, like, in private?”
Vax’s grin grew even wider. “In private, huh?”
Keyleth laughed. “Shut up, you know what I mean.”
“Right.” Vax could barely contain his smile now. If she wanted to talk to him, alone, that was good, right? Well, it could be bad, but that really wasn’t the feeling he was getting talking to her. Gods, those two days would feel like an eternity.
“Keylie!” Vax suddenly heard, muffled through his headphones, “There's someone here who's really excited to see you!" He saw a backdoor behind Keyleth swing open as two people entered the little kitchen living room. One was a tall, lanky man, long grey hair and beard making him seem older than he probably was. Vax suspected that that was Korrin, Keyleth’s dad, but he almost immediately got distracted by the second person: a small boy, tiny, really. His short, mousy hair barely reached Korrin’s knee and he was dressed in green overalls with big blue patches shaped like flowers sewn over both knees.
"I thought you didn't have siblings," Vax said quietly as the small boy traipsed over to Keyleth.
"Oh, Gods no," she laughed, ruffling the kid’s hair, "He's not... my mom was really close with his mom, so I suppose he's kind of like my cousin? His mom is our midwife in Zephrah, so she’s really busy and dad watches him every now and then.”
"How old are you?" Vax asked the boy. He just seemed so young, though his face wasn’t that of a toddler anymore. He was most likely a halfling, Vax realized, or maybe a gnome or dwarf, he was never quite sure with kids.
"Orym's five," Keyleth answered for him, "Aren't you?"
The kid, Orym, shook his head, "I'm six," he said quietly, serious green eyes wide, "But mom says I'll really start growing taller once I turn seven."
Keyleth laughed. "I'm sure you will, buddy. Now, do you want to go play bunny hop?" The boy nodded and Keyleth grinned at Vax. "Sorry, I think I'm needed as a second bunny now. See you soon?"
"See you."

***

The warm spell had officially been a fluke, Vax mused, watching fresh snow fall outside his window. It was only afternoon, but already almost dark outside and the sky, grey and overcast, didn’t help either. His ceiling light was broken too, but building maintenance was on holiday, just like everyone else, so he had to make do with his small desk lamp and a few weirdly scented candles nicked from Gil.
His gloomy mood improved rapidly as someone knocked on his door and Keyleth shuffled in. Vax quickly got out of his chair. He‘d been looking forward to seeing her all day and here she was, cheeks and nose flushed red from the cold, eyes bright. “Uh, hi!” She gave him a big smile, which Vax returned.
“Hey there.”
Before he could say anything else, Keyleth pulled him into a hug. Vax found himself momentarily stunned by the ferocity with which she flung her arms around him but hugged her back. Vax could feel his heart speed up. Her cheek pressed against his neck still felt cold from outside and she smelled like snow, and he didn’t ever want to let go of her. It was Keyleth who pulled away first.
“How are you?” She asked, still smiling, while pulling off her coat and dumping it on Vax’s chair.
“Much better now that you’re here”, Vax grinned and paused for maximum effect, then added: “Did you have a good trip back?”
Keyleth nodded, kicking off her shoes, then she sat down, legs crossed and started fidgeting with her hair, though she didn’t say anything. She had her hair pulled up in a loose bun, but there were still a number of strands framing her face, like she pulled them out of the updo. Vax could tell she was nervous, and he was about to say something, when she took a deep breath and said: “So, I think I owe you a talk.”
“Actually,” Vax sat down next to her, “Could I start?”
“Oh! Yeah, of course, go ahead! No worries!”
Vax leaned over slightly so he could look at her, held her gaze, then quickly cast his eyes down. He’d get lost in those big green eyes of hers if he wasn’t careful. “Well, all I wanted to say is that I meant what I told you. If you want me, I’m yours, and if you don’t, I understand. But I promise that nothing has to change between us.”
Keyleth gave him a small smile. “I- Thanks. I’ve been thinking a lot recently about everything and about our talk and our friendship, but especially about how I’ve never been very good at making decisions based on what I want. I guess I tend to put what other people want or expect of me over myself and I don’t want to do that anymore, but… it’s a process. There’s a lot of unlearning I have to do, and when you told me how you feel I didn’t know how to give you a real answer that I knew came from me. So, I took some time and now I know for certain that I… that I really, really like you and that I would love to be with you.”
Vax just stared at her, his heartbeat pounding in his ears. Was this real? Did she really… want this? Only when Keyleth started fidgeting with her hair again, looking at him expectantly, did the words start to sink in. This was happening. She wanted them to be together just as much he wanted to, and she was waiting for him to say something.
“That-“ Vax started, before laughter bubbled up inside of him, and he couldn’t have held it in even if he tried. “Come here.” He scooped Keyleth up into his arms and all remaining tension fell off him when Keyleth leaned her forehead against his shoulder and started laughing too, bright and warm and the most wonderful sound he’d ever heard.
“Can I kiss you?” Vax asked.
Keyleth stilled against him, and for a second, Vax feared that he’d been too forward, but then she looked up at him, eyes wide and nodded.
Gently, Vax cupped her face and tilted it upwards slightly. He briefly allowed himself to savor the moment before his lips touched hers, the anticipation, the way her eyes fluttered shut. And then he couldn’t hold back any longer.
Vax had imagined this moment a million times over the last few months, imagined finally getting to kiss her, but his wildest fantasies couldn’t have done this moment justice. Keyleth’s lips were soft and when she wrapped her arms around him, it was like all his thoughts flew away and nothing else mattered, nothing except the feeling of her fingers in his hair, her body pressing against his, the way he felt warm and aglow. Slowly, Vax pulled away. If he’d keep kissing her, he’d never stop.
Keyleth stayed close to him, forehead against his, lips slightly parted, breathing rapidly. “That, uh, was nice,” she said with a smile, ever-familiar blush tinging her cheeks pink, “Oh, Gods, that’s not what you’re supposed to say, is it?”
Vax couldn’t help but burst out laughing. “You’re perfect, Kiki, honestly.”
“Don’t laugh at me.” Keyleth pretended to pout, which just made Vax laugh even harder.
“You- uh, your hair looks nice, by the way,” Keyleth said softly after Vax had calmed down.
“Thanks.” Vex had done his hair for him, little sections in the front braided and tucked into a bun.
“You should wear it like that more often.” Keyleth carefully brushed a strand out of his face, deliberately tracing her fingers over his cheek, his ear, electricity sparking under his skin everywhere she touched him. Vax bit his lip. By the gods, he’d go mad if he had to hold back any longer. In one motion, he pulled her in for another kiss. This time, Keyleth was much more confident. He could feel it in the way she held his face, in the way her lips parted against his, mirroring his own want, and with that, he let himself fall into it, let everything but her fade to nothingness.

Chapter Text

Keyleth sat on her bed, listlessly flipping through the book she’d been meaning to read. She’d gotten it for Winter’s Crest, and it had looked promising enough but the writing had turned out to be quite dull, and anyways if she had to look at another page of anything, she thought she might scream.
Vex sat cross-legged on her own bed, hair up in a towel, intently watching something on her phone. Keyleth made one final attempt to get back to her book, but it was like the words weren’t really getting through to her. She had spent most of the day studying, though, so maybe it was time for her to do something else. Had she been outside at all today? She wasn’t sure. Just as she reached for her shoes, Vex took her headphones out and asked: “So, what is dating my brother like?”
Keyleth’s hand froze midair. Her and Vax had been trying to be at least somewhat subtle about being together, just because it really wasn’t anyone’s business but theirs, but they obviously hadn’t done a very good job. She shrugged. “Good? I don’t know what you want to hear.” The truth was that it was almost hard to find the words to express quite how happy she was. Even now, days later, she kept replaying their first kiss in her mind. She couldn’t stop thinking about it, not that one and not the kisses that had followed, the butterflies that came with every little moment, Vax touching her hand, Vax kissing her forehead and her nose and her lips and her neck. Really, she couldn’t stop thinking about Vax.
Vex laughed. “Spare me the details, please. I’m just making sure he hasn’t driven you insane just yet. Also,” she threw Keyleth a mischievous grin, “I should probably tell you not to hurt him or whatever you’re supposed to tell your brother’s girlfriend, but after the shit he pulled on you, he’d deserve it.”
“So supportive, the two of you,” Keyleth said dryly, “But don’t you worry about me, everything is perfectly fine. Though,” she laughed, “Gods, okay there is this thing he does, in the morning.” In all fairness, maybe she was generalizing, seeing as she had really only slept in his room twice in the past few days. Not because she didn’t like it, no she actually enjoyed getting to fall asleep next to him very much, loved waking up before him and getting to watch him sleep for a bit, the little movements of his face, the way his eyes fluttered just before he woke up, but the fact of the matter was that the dorm single beds were just too small to fit two people comfortably, no matter how much you cuddled up. So, Keyleth still preferred her own bed even if that meant that Vax wasn’t in it.
“And what would that be?” Vex asked.
“Okay, so, he sets, like, twenty alarms every five minutes and obviously I’m awake after the first one but he somehow goes on to sleep through all of them?”
Vex laughed again. “Oh, that. You’re better off getting used to that, honestly. Take a guess as to why he’s always late to class.”
“Yeah.” Keyleth watched Vex unwrap her hair from the towel and carefully comb through it, before braiding it into her usual style. Even though there really wasn’t a reason for it, the silence between them felt tense. Without even really noticing, Keyleth started fidgeting with her own hair, just to have something to do and not sit there, in this palpable awkwardness. She’d taken inspiration from Vex and put it into a simple braid so it wouldn’t feel as heavy and cling to her face and neck as much, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. No matter what hairstyle she tried wearing, she always ended up pulling the whole thing apart to twist and twirl strands around her fingers until they became oily and frizzy, and she looked a mess.
“So,” Vex started back up after finishing with her hair, “I just have to ask. Are you mad at me?”
“I-, uh,” Keyleth stammered, caught off guard by Vex’ directness. “No. Not-not anymore?”
“Ha!” Vex said triumphantly, “So you were mad, I knew it! Can you tell me why, though?”
Keyleth sighed. “It’s really stupid.”
“Mm, that is usually a given with you. I just want to know.”
“Right, so,” Keyleth said, trying to ignore the sting of Vex’s words, because, really, she was right. “Okay, this was ages ago, too, which makes it even dumber, but it was when Vax and Percy had that fight. Vax said you were really upset about it, but you never said anything, it was him who told me days later and that annoyed me a little bit, because I thought we were friends and, in that moment, it sort of made me feel like you didn’t trust me enough to talk to me about it? Like, I’m used to Percy never telling me anything unless I specifically ask, but I thought we talked to each other about that kind of stuff and then I just got really into my head about it and kind of figured we’d never actually been close at all in the first place. And… that’s the thing about anxiety, I’m not always sad and anxious, sometimes it makes me really irritable and annoyed, and I think in that moment, because I didn’t say anything, it turned into this grudge that I started carrying around until I didn’t even remember why I had been mad in the first place?”
“Oh,” Vex said, “You were right. That was really stupid. But, if it helps you, I can actually explain why I never talked to you about it.”
Keyleth just nodded.
“See, in that moment I was so annoyed, still, even though we had resolved it. I had talked to Vax, and I had talked to Percy and both of them had apologized and whatnot, so I knew that if I talked to you, I would just rile myself right back up even though it wouldn’t change anything, and I didn’t want that. I can see how it would make you feel excluded from the group, and for that I’m sorry, but I also know that you care about both Percy and Vax very much and I didn’t want to put you into a situation where I was talking badly about them. And for what it’s worth, I actually do consider you my friend, I’d say I already talk to you about a lot of things. I just don’t open up very easily to most people. And I’m sorry I didn’t ask what was wrong earlier.”
“Oh,” Keyleth said quickly, “It’s fine, you don’t have to apologize! This isn’t on you.”
Vex shrugged. “Maybe so, but a friendship takes two, right? Well, we can’t change it now anyways, but for the future we know that we need to actually talk to each other, don’t we? And,” she paused, “Darling, don’t take this the wrong way, but have you thought about… talking to someone? All your mental and emotional stuff sounds really exhausting, to be honest.”
Keyleth nodded. “It is, but, uh, progress, I guess. I talked to my dad and we’re working on finding someone I can talk to.”
“Right, that’s good for you. Oh, yeah, you went home, right? I have to say, I’m quite jealous, Zephrah looks stunning.”
“You guys are all welcome to visit anytime,” Keyleth said quickly, glad for the change in topic, “Really. Though,” She grinned, “There are no bears up there.”
“No problem, you can just turn into one,” Vex quipped back, “And don’t you worry, I love all kinds of animals.”
“Oh, yeah,” Keyleth said, eyeing the wall behind Vex, “Dragons too?”
Vex turned to look at the calendar on the wall behind her, an impressive illustration of a massive copper dragon adorning the title page. “Percy got it for me, it’s nice, right?”
“It is. I didn’t realize you liked dragons.”
“Oh, that is a funny story, actually,” Vex said. “I assume Vax told you about how our mum died in a house fire?” Without waiting for a response from Keyleth, she continued: “It wasn’t just her house that burned down, but because none of the people that died were deemed very important, and Byroden wasn’t very big either, there wasn’t much news coverage of it. The one article written referred to it as dragon fire. I was thirteen, and so angry and desperate for answers, but no one seemed to have any, so I started researching dragons, anything and everything I could find about them. First it was Syldor’s library, then the books at school, then the archive in Syngorn and I just… I absorbed all that knowledge, learned whatever I could. Turns out there used to be dragons in Tal’Dorei, but not anymore, which doesn’t surprise me, seeing how urbanized the entire continent has become. And the more I learned about them, the harder it was for me to keep hating them. And anyways, I finally, much later, found out that dragon fire has nothing to do with dragons. It refers to a type of fire that’s started with magic and accelerated with chemicals and after I realized that the few dragons that possibly still exist definitely weren’t responsible for my mum’s death, I really didn’t have a reason to hate them any longer and I fully embraced my interest in them.” She sighed. “Gods, I wish I could see one someday. Legend says there still are some in the less populated parts of Issylra and Wildemount but who knows.”
Keyleth nodded. “I’ve heard about dragon fire in class, it’s named that way because it is just as devastating as a real dragon’s fire, so I imagine the real ones are terrifying. But I understand, sort of, I mean dragons are really intelligent, right? I bet there’s a lot of ancient wisdom that got lost when they left Tal’Dorei.”
“Yes, exactly. And they’re so majestic. Well, I really just love anything that can fly. And to think of their horde, all this gold just hidden away somewhere!” Vex said, then she checked her phone, “Oh, by the way, Percy is back from his vacation, so I think I’ll go over and see him.”
“Right, say hi to him from me?” Keyleth asked. “You know,” she added while Vex was putting on her shoes, “You guys made that whole getting with each other part so easy.”
Vex laughed. “Compared to what, Vax and you? I’m pretty sure that’s because you two made it needlessly complicated. It just wasn’t like that for us, I guess. Percy and I both have a lot of baggage, sure, but we also… I guess we know what it is like to lose people we love and have regrets over things left unsaid, and I think we both understood that we never want to have regrets like that about each other, so we did actually talk about things instead of sitting with them and getting miserable, you know?”
“You do know that Vax and I are actually dating, right?” Keyleth asked dryly, “You can stop making fun of us now.”
“No,” Vex said, halfway out the door, “Never, darling.”

***
“Just text me when you get off work,” Keyleth said, already half turned towards her room, “And I’ll come over and we can go over your paper.”
Vax sighed. “Why are you so responsible? We could just hang out, you know.”
“No,” Keyleth said decidedly, “You’ve been complaining about it all week, let’s just get it over with tonight.”
“Alright, fine,” Vax grumbled, then he smiled. “Hey, thank you, seriously, much appreciated.”
“You’re welcome, whatever would you do without me?” Keyleth grinned.
“Hm, a question I ask myself every day.”
“As you should, honestly. Anyways,” Keyleth reached up to give him a quick kiss. Instantly, Vax had his hands on her waist, pulling her against him into a proper kiss. Keyleth let him, let herself enjoy the feeling of his hands, his chest, his lips. Then she pulled away. “You are aware we are becoming that one really annoying couple that kisses in hallways, right?” She asked, though she couldn’t help smiling.
Vax just shrugged, a mischievous grin playing on his lips. “Not my fault you’re so kissable, is it?”
“Yeah, yeah.” Keyleth pretended to roll her eyes at him, “See you tonight.”
She stepped into her room, but immediately froze in the doorway. Percy sat in Vex’s desk chair, long legs stretched out, fidgeting with something Keyleth couldn’t quite make out.
“Uh, hi there?” Keyleth said uncertainly. Percy looked up and she saw that his glasses had slipped halfway down his nose. He pushed them back up.
“Hello.”
Keyleth waited for him to continue, but he didn’t, so she asked: “And to what do I owe you showing up here?”
“I’m picking up Vex.” Percy explained.
Keyleth let her gaze wander through the distintly Vex-less room. “Right.”
“Well she’s not here right now”, Percy elaborated “So I’m waiting.”
“Yes, I can see that,” Keyleth said, sitting down on her bed. She pulled off her shoes that somehow were already crusted with mulch and dirt again, even though she’d barely been to the greenhouses since getting back. “How was skiing?” She asked, finally, when Percy showed no sign of wanting to continue the conversation.
“Oh, good. There was this retired clockmaker staying in the resort with her wife, and she had some quite fascinating things to share.”
“That’s cool.”
“Yes, quite.”
Keyleth leaned back against the wall and resisted the urge to sigh heavily. She liked Percy, but sometimes, trying to hold a conversation with him was exhausting.
“So,” Percy said after a moment, much to Keyleth’s relief, “You’re dating Vax’ildan now?”
“Uh, yeah,” Keyleth grinned, “Guess we both got a twin, huh?”
“Seems like it. You’ve liked him for a while, haven’t you?”
“Was it that obvious?” Keyleth asked, amused, but Percy just shrugged.
“Gods know I’m the least perceptive person when it comes to those things, but I could tell you were quite heartbroken.”
“I- really?” Keyleth asked. Now that she thought about it, Percy had texted her a few time while she’d been in the thick of it, though at the time she’d attributed his bland How are yous to politeness, so she’d never bothered with more of a reply than a thumbs up emoji. It only occurred to her now that maybe Percy had actually been worried and trying to look out for her.
“I was, actually.” She said, slowly, “Sorry for never replying to you properly.”
Percy shrugged again. “Well, you did tell me you were fine, so assumed you didn’t want me to intrude further,” he paused, “But you were obviously not well, so maybe I should have made more of an effort to be there for you. Anyways, I am glad it worked out between you and Vax, although,” he grinned, “I must say, you could do a lot better than him.”
Keyleth rolled her eyes. “Vex was right, so immature, the both of you.” She sighed. “But, yeah, I was actually doing pretty badly so… maybe it would have helped if you had reached out more. Not that I blame you!” She added quickly, “Just, for future reference. I did tell you everything was fine, so I understand why you didn’t.” Keyleth took a deep breath. This, as harmless as it was, was probably the closest she had ever come to arguing with Percy and her heart was hammering in her chest.
Percy nodded. “I am sorry that I wasn’t there for you in the way you needed,” he said, “But you know me. If you tell me something, I will assume you mean it and that includes you saying that you’re alright, when really, you’re not.”
“And you know me,” Keyleth said quietly, “So you know that asking for help is really difficult for me.”
“I am aware of that, yes. Maybe,” Percy readjusted his glasses again, “Maybe we both need to work on talking. In a general sense.”
Keyleth laughed. “Definitely. Speaking of, how are you? Did Cassie drive you up the walls? How is she?”
Percy chuckled. “Pompous and loudmouthed as ever. Well, she is doing alright, about the same as me, I’d say. She is transferring universities for the coming semester, and I think she is excited about that.”
“Oh? What is she studying again?”
“I don’t know, international affairs or something equally uninteresting,” Percy said, “She did her first semester in Rexxentrum, because the university there is quite reputable, but it was too far away from home for her after all, so she is transferring back to Whitestone. I expect I’ll be spending much of my term break helping her move, but having her back home will be good, the upkeep on the estate is quite a lot, especially with neither of us living there.”
“Perce, you are so pompous,” Keyleth said affectionately, “Have you ever listened to yourself talk?”
“Yes, well anyways,” Percy said, unfazed, “We are thinking of selling the house because it really is quite the drain on the resources, both time and money, but then again, it carries a lot of history and I’m not sure if letting it go from the De Rolo family is the right choice.”
“Well, uh, I don’t know what’s the best move here,” Keyleth said.
“Yes, neither do I,” Percy admitted, “I will have to think about it and consult our lawyers and whatnot.”
Keyleth shot him a sad little smile. It was easy to forget that Percy was only a few months older than her. He sounded and acted so very adult and despite them both carrying a lot of responsibility, Keyleth sometimes felt like he lived in a completely different world from hers, one where he’d been forced to grow up way before his time.
Before she could follow this depressing train of thought any further, Vex entered the room.
“Oh, hullo dear,” she said, “Did you wait long? Sorry, my class ran late.”
“Keyleth kept me company,” Percy said, then he tossed Vex the thing he’d been playing with all this time and Keyleth could finally make out that it was an arrowhead, with nasty looking blade pieces attached to it. Vex smiled and inspected it, briefly, then set it down on her desk and dropped her bag onto her bed. Reaching for Percy’s hand, she asked: “Ready to go?”

***

Right again. Keyleth flipped to her next flashcard even though she knew the material by heart. Ecology really wasn’t an issue anymore, but it was better to be safe than sorry in her experience. She glanced over at Vax, who, for a change, was working as well, hair swept up into a messy top knot as he read through a text, glaring at his folder and grumpily highlighting passages as he went.
This was nice, Keyleth thought, spending a lazy afternoon on her boyfriend’s bed, quietly enjoying each other’s company. Or rather, it could have been nice if she hadn’t been so damn anxious. There wasn’t really anything wrong, not anything she could pinpoint, anyways, and for a change, her thoughts weren’t going about five hundred miles an hour either. Keyleth raked her hands through her hair, ever uncomfortably heavy. Even her revision was going well enough, but the physical manifestation of her anxiety was keeping her from focusing properly, her stomach roiling uncomfortably, hands slick with sweat, and her heart pounding in her throat. She was itching to get up and start pacing around Vax’s shoebox of a room get the energy out, but she really didn’t want to worry him. Instead, she turned and curled into his side. Surely, that would help, just the way it usually did. But the relief didn’t come, quite the opposite, it just made her feel more uncomfortable and queasy. Vax was too warm for her already overheating self and where she usually liked the way he smelled, it now overwhelmed all her senses, her stomach turning and piercing bouts of pain pounding through her head. Wasn’t she pathetic? She was spending a peaceful afternoon with one of her favorite people. She should’ve been happy, relaxed, normal, and here she was, feeling like the world was ending instead, curtesy of her gods-awful mess of a brain. Maybe she was being harsh on herself. Vax was her boyfriend, not a miracle cure for her mental illness and she’d always known that, of course, but especially in moments like this, she still couldn’t help but feel guilty, like she was being ungrateful and selfish for still struggling with her anxiety as much as she did when all Vax ever did was make her feel safe and comfortable. If this couldn’t fix her, then what could?
As if he’d read her thoughts, Vax turned over and pulled her against himself. Keyleth had to keep herself from squirming. He was too close, too much, his arms were smothering her. Her heart was racing and throat felt like it was closing up, she couldn’t breathe, her lungs were constricting, her clothes clinging to her like a second, too-tight skin, strands of hair like sandpaper wherever they touched her.
“Hey,” she pressed out, pushing herself away from Vax just enough that he wouldn’t get worried, “I- uh, wouldn’t wanna distract you.”
Vax just laughed and pulled her into him again. “You know me, distractions always welcome.”
This time, Keyleth couldn’t bare sparing his feelings anymore. He was holding on to her way too tightly, her head was pounding and spinning, she’d suffocate if she didn’t move away right this instance.
“Alright,” she muttered and drew away, pushing herself against the wall, away from Vax. Better, so much better. She took a deep breath, and another, and another, rapidly. Quickly, before Vax could notice something was wrong, she grabbed for her bundle of flashcards, but her hands were shaking badly, so badly that she spilled her cards all over Vax’s pillow.
Before she could even start scrambling to pick them back up, Vax pushed himself into a sitting position next to her. “Hey,” he said quietly, reaching for her hand, “Are you alright?”

Chapter Text

Vax ran his highlighter along a line in his text, more focused on not slipping into the wrong line than actually getting the text he’d been meaning to highlight, thanks to his habit of printing every last one of his required readings single-spaced and in the smallest readable font to save on printing costs. Getting to the end of the page, he carefully jostled his massive binder filled with a semester’s worth of creased, annotated printouts to the side to flip the page without getting it in Keyleth’s way.
He could feel her next to him, moving, breathing, but where the constant rustling of her pretty, colour-coded flashcards might have distracted other people, Vax found that it helped him work. Somehow, most things were much easier with Keyleth next to him. Her laser focused way of getting work done, for instance, had a way of motivating him to put in the work as well. Really, more often than not, he found himself working hard to impress her because there was something incredibly attractive about how smart and hard working she was, something that made him want to keep up with her.
Vax turned to watch her. All good intentions aside, he could feel his focus waning. Management Theory really was not interesting in any way, no matter how hard he tried to find some passion for it and Keyleth simply was the nicer of views. The lamplight just about caught her face, the heart shape of her lips, the smattered freckles dotting her face like a galaxy of stars. Vax wanted to trace the lines of her face, count every freckle. He wanted to know every part of her, know her in a way no one else did. For now, though, he‘d settle on watching her and in any case, Keyleth seemed to be suffering the same fate as him. Vax noticed she was starting to become fidgety, shuffling around on the bed next to him and her feet kicking and tapping persistently. Not that Vax minded too much, he was not one to sit still either. It was more noticeable today, though, he thought. He couldn’t recall many instances of Keyleth being quite this restless. Just as he considered asking if she was alright, Keyleth abandoned her flashcards on his pillow and scooted over to cuddle up against him.
Fair enough, Vax thought, maybe she’d just been craving a hug. He, too, tended to get quite restless when he was feeling touch starved, and anyways, it was the perfect time to take a break anyways. He turned around to pull her against him and could feel himself relaxing almost instantly as he buried his face in her hair.
To his surprise, Keyleth withdrew from him. “Hey, wouldn’t want to distract you,” she mumbled. Vax laughed and pulled her back in. Knowing Keyleth, she probably felt bad for daring to demand even a moment’s worth of his attention, even though he’d more than willingly give it all to her.
“You know me,” he murmured into her hair to put her at ease, “Distractions always welcome.”
To his surprise, though, Keyleth didn’t relax at all. Instead, she pulled away from him quite forcibly. She scooted herself up against the wall, her breathing so rapid and shallow that Vax was scared she’d start hyperventilating. It took him a moment longer to notice that her hands, too, were trembling violently. Shit, something was wrong.
“Hey, are you alright?” he asked, sitting up next to her, reaching for her hand.
“I, uh,” Keyleth took a deep breath and pulled her hand away, “Not really, no. I’m just, it’s not a big deal, I’m just feeling really anxious.” She let out a laugh, that sounded all wrong, forced and pained. “I don’t even know why, it’s stupid honestly, don’t worry about me.”
Vax glanced over at her. He’d known about her anxiety, of course, but it occurred to him that he’d never actually seen her in this state before. He thought he’d seen the worst of it that day she’d talked to her dad, but this, her quiet, yet palpable panic was very different from the obvious, hard to hide crying. Suddenly, he found himself wondering how many times he’d spent time with her while she felt this way without him picking up on it, because she hadn’t wanted him to.
“It’s not stupid,” he told her, “Don’t say that.”
Keyleth buried her face in her hands. “I know, I know. Sorry.”
Vax’s first instinct was to tell her to not apologize this damn much, that she had nothing to be sorry for, but scolding her when she already felt terrible seemed like a bad idea, so he instead asked: “Do you want a hug? Would that help?”
Keyleth shook her head. “I- No, I’d rather not. It doesn’t make me feel good at the moment. Sorry.”
“It’s fine, don’t worry,” Vax hurried to reassure her. He paused. He wanted to help, wanted to make her feel okay again, but he really didn’t know how else to comfort her. Touching, physical affection always worked for him, and he’d never really thought about other ways to calm someone down. He could tell her she’d be fine, try to reassure her, but that seemed like a lot of empty bullshit. “You know,” he said after a moment, “That you don’t have to hide it from me when you’re not feeling well, right? Actually, please do tell me. I want to be there for you.”
Guilt flashed across Keyleth’s face. “I didn’t want to worry you is all,” she admitted, “There’s not really anything you can do about it anyways.”
“Are you sure?” Vax asked, “Because I really do want to help, I just don’t have very much experience and I also don’t know what makes you specifically feel better. But Pike used to help you, didn’t she? What did she do?”
“Well, she, uh,” Keyleth took another deep breath, “Okay, honestly, you just being here already helps a ton, because I tend to hide when I feel like this, but being alone actually makes it worse, so this is good, really. Touching is just difficult because it’s like I feel everything much more intensely and normal things that I usually enjoy like, you know, your smell or something, suddenly overwhelm me completely. It’s kind of stupid, I know.”
Vax just looked at her, eyebrow cocked until she scoffed. “Okay, fine, it’s not stupid. Oh, I know, another thing you can actually do is, uh, remind me to eat. I kind of avoid it when I get like this because I feel really sick, but not eating isn’t very good for me, obviously.”
“Right,” Vax said, grateful to have found a real, tangible way of helping, “Have you eaten today?”
Keyleth nodded. “I had breakfast with Vex, and then… Wait what time is it?”
“Lunchtime,” Vax said decidedly, “Come on, let’s take a break and get a snack somewhere.”
“Oh,” Keyleth laughed, “We don’t have to right now! I know you were studying! I’ve already kept you from it long enough.”
“No, don’t worry I wanted to take a proper break right about now anyways. Also,” Vax leaned a little closer, “Even if I was busy, you literally just asked me to make sure you eat. Let me take care of you, I want to, I promise.”
“Fine, okay.” Keyleth sighed. “You know,” she said, frustration stealing into her voice, “I keep having these conversations with people that I know care about me where they tell me over and over again that I need to speak up when I’m not doing well, that they want to help but can’t if I don’t let them, and every time I promise to do better and somehow, I learn nothing and keep fucking up in the exact same way every time.”
“Okay, let’s stop the self-hate train, why don’t we?” Vax asked dryly. “Sure, it’s not ideal that you have such a hard time telling people when you’re not okay, but you can’t expect things to change overnight, just because someone tells you to. That is an absurd standard to set for yourself.”
“Hm.” Keyleth scooted over and lightly leaned her head against his shoulder. “You’re very smart, Vax, do you know that?”
Vax looked at her with concern. “Hey, don’t feel like you have to be affectionate with me right now if that’s uncomfortable for you.”
“No, this is fine. It’s nice, actually,” Keyleth said, and Vax could tell she was already much more relaxed than not even ten minutes prior.
“I’m glad, then.” He leaned over to press a kiss to the top of her head. “Now, let’s go get some lunch, shall we?”

***

Vax carefully placed a small purple plastic approximation of a house on the game board and slid three cards over to Vex. Keyleth immediately bent over to look at the cards.
“You can’t build that there,” she said, brow furrowed, “It’s a magic spot and you’re missing the arcane components, it’s two crys-“
“Yes, good catch Kiki,” Vex pushed the cards right back over the table, “But don’t help him! He’s not on our team!” Vax groaned.
“This game is stupid,” he complained, “The magic expansion rules make no sense.”
Vax and Vex, along with Keyleth and Percy had found themselves crowded around Percy’s dining table after finally getting around to finishing their little pamphlet for their sociology class. The final result definitely wasn’t anything to write home about, but even Keyleth had stopped complaining about how this would tank their grades after Percy had suggested she do it by herself if she wasn’t happy with it. After submitting the final file, Percy had unearthed a very dusty boardgame from the depths of some closet, so a game night was in order.
“The magic expansion actually makes it more fun,” Keyleth argued now, “You just didn’t listen when I explained the rules. My turn.” She grabbed the three dice from Vax, rolled them and showed them to Vex.
“Don’t listen to him,” Vex said while handing Keyleth a bunch of cards from the box, “We used to play as kids and he loves it, he’s just mad because his favorite winning strategy doesn’t work with the magic stuff.”
“Why does Vex get to be the resource centre?” Percy asked, watching Keyleth sort her new cards into piles in front of her, “That seems quite unfair.”
“Aw,” Vex leaned over the table and smirked at Percy, “Don’t you trust me, baby?”
“You shouldn’t. Good call, we want the resources now,” Vax agreed.
Vex just laughed. “No way. Kiki, dice.”
“Wait…,” Keyleth was sorting through her cards again, “I’m not finished yet, I want to convert this field to an orchard, here.”
Vax gaped at her. “You already have all the resources for that? No way.”
“She is sneaky,” Percy remarked, “I should have warned you.”
“Alright,” Keyleth placed her little green tree on one of the field tiles, “Vex, your turn.”
Just as she’d done in every previous round, Vex didn’t bother building anything, instead trading every last one of her resources for the small money chips, which she added to her already enormous pile of money. “Percy, dear, your turn.”
“Yes, let’s see here,” Percy flicked through his stack of cards that was easily on par with Vex’s horde, then he started to rattle off about fifteen things he wanted to build and develop, all while handing the perfectly sorted cards off to Vex in neat little piles.
“Is that why you didn’t do anything all game long?” Vax asked dryly, “Just to pull this off?”
“Precisely.”
Half an hour later, Vax had to begrudgingly accept that him and Percy didn’t make a very good team. Or maybe the girls had just won because they’d gotten lucky with their dice rolls. Yeah, that’s what he was choosing to believe.
“Aw, Vax, don’t pout.” Keyleth flung her arms around him from behind and pressed a kiss to his cheek, “You’ll win next time.”
“Yeah, yeah, sure,” Vax grumbled, “I’m usually really good at it, it’s just the stupid magic stuff throwing me off.”
“That’s true,” said Vex, “He usually beats me.”
Keyleth grinned. “Maybe him and me should team up, then. Rematch?”
“No, please, let’s play something else,” Vax groaned. He wasn’t sure his ego could take another loss. Keyleth and Vex both looked like they were about to argue but were interrupted by the shrill buzzing of Percy’s doorbell.
“We could play cards,” Vax suggested a few minutes later between two bites of Pizza.
“No, no, no. No one here wants to play cards against you.” Vex turned to Keyleth and Percy. “Vax is awful,” she explained, “He will cheat, and you won’t notice.”
Vax grinned and wiggled his fingers. “Magic fingers. Besides, cheating is what makes it fun.”
“That… is an interesting way to see it,” Keyleth said dryly, “Though, now I kind of want to try it, just to see you cheat. I’m intrigued.”
“How about we finish eating before indulging Vax’ildan’s criminal tendencies?” Percy asked with a wry smile. As per usual, Vax wasn’t entirely sure if he was joking or not, but Keyleth shot Percy an amused look, so it was probably fine.
“Sure thing, dad,” she said. Percy rolled his eyes.
“I’m not that old.”
“Oh, but you will be,” Keyleth laughed.
Vax watched his sister cock her head to the side. “Is it your birthday soon?” She asked.
“Not for another few weeks,” Percy explained, “It’s the 19th of Horisal.”
Vex nodded, then she glanced over at Vax. “Speaking of birthdays. Have we decided what we’re doing about Lori’s birthday?”
“Hells if I know,” Vax muttered, which prompted Keyleth to shoot him and Vex a questioning look.
“Velora,” Vex explained, “You know, our little sister? Her birthday is in Misuthar, and she asked us to visit for the day. We haven’t decided if we’re doing it yet, that’s all, though we were wondering if the two of you would want to join us if we decided to go.”
Vax shot her an angry glare, but Vex, wholly unaffected, just chuckled. “Oh, calm down. Keyleth will be fine. Father doesn’t hate all half-elves, after all, it’s just us he can’t stand.” Vax did a double take, surprised by how much the truth of her words stung.
“Of course we will,” Percy said earnestly, lightly placing his arm around Vex’s shoulder. Vax suddenly felt grateful for his sister’s boyfriend. If talking about Syldor brought up unwanted memories in him, he couldn’t imagine how Vex felt. Keyleth nodded.
“Yeah, I’d join, if you want me to.”
“You really don’t have to.” Vax said quickly, “It will be really boring at best and terrible at worst.”
“No, it’s fine. I want to. For moral support.”
Percy nodded. “We’ll make sure he isn’t too awful to you two.”
Vax let out a laugh. “Gods, I admire your optimism, Percival.”
“We are only going for Lori anyways,” Vex interjected, before Percy could snark back at Vax, “So we really wouldn’t even have to stay the whole day, just a few hours.”
“True,” Vax conceded.
“By the way, Kiki,” Vex asked, gathering the empty pizza boxes with Percy, “Did you figure out the bird?”
“Did she… what?” Vax asked.
“Oh!” Keyleth’s face lit up, “Yeah I did!” Before Vax could ask again, he was faced with the familiar sight of the air seeming to swirl and pull into itself, and within a blink of a moment, Keyleth had turned into a great falcon, a slight red sheen to its brown feathers. To Vax’s amusement, the falcon took flight, tip of the wing grazing the lamp over the dining table and landed on Percy’s head with what almost looked like a smug grin. Percy batted at the large bird.
“Keyleth,” he complained, “You are aware that you have talons, yes?” With a rustle of feathers, the falcon took off and turned back into Keyleth mid-flight.
“Sorry,” she rushed over to Percy, “Sorry! Are you alright? Do you need any healing?”
“It’s fine.” Percy sounded amused.
“That’s really cool,” Vax said, glancing at Keyleth, “Didn’t you say birds were the hardest?”
Keyleth nodded. “Yeah, they are. It’s taken me, like, all semester to work up to them, too, but I think I’m really getting the hang of it now!”
“So how long can you keep it up for?”
“Uh, about four hours? Give or take.”
“That long, really? Can you do a bear?” Vex asked with a grin.
“Uh, well,” Keyleth began tugging at her hair, “I, my bear is a little wonky, I’m not sure if I’ll get it? But I can try!”
“We believe in you,” Vax said. Though he kept his tone light and teasing, he really did mean it. Keyleth could do anything if she only set her mind to it, he was convinced of it.
“I, alright, wait.” Keyleth closed her eyes, brows lightly furrowed, then she, seemingly effortlessly, transformed into a small black bear. Vax was amused to discover that it sported some spotting around its muzzle that looked an awful lot like Keyleth’s freckles.
“Oh!” Vex squealed next to him, “That is perfect!” She started to vigorously scratch the bear between its ears, cooing the entire time. “Who is a good girl? That’s right, you are, yes you are.”
“Vex, that is my girlfriend,” Vax remarked. Vex laughed. “Sure, but she is also a bear, and is that not the most adorable bear you have ever seen?”
“Whatever you say.” Vax wasn’t too keen on bears at the best of times. Really, what was the appeal of something that could easily maul you to death if you looked at it wrong?
Keyleth, apparently also slightly overwhelmed with Vex’s enthusiastic affection, turned back into herself once more, hair messy and a deep blush creeping over her face. “Well, uh, so that was my bear.” She mumbled. Vax reached for her hand and pulled her towards himself, into a hug.
“Hey, you did so well,” he said quietly, leaning his forehead against hers, “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thanks!” Keyleth gave him a bright, genuine smile that made Vax almost ache with the urge to kiss her.
As if she’d read his thoughts, Vex loudly cleared her throat behind him. “Alright, you two are disgusting. Now, who wants to watch Vax cheat at cards?”

***

“…and I think I’m fine casting most of the required spells,” Keyleth said, “Obviously there’s a few I’m not sure about, but that’s mostly the new spells anyways! And I can always practice those! Ugh my shoes are all soaked through, can we walk faster?”
“Yeah, that would be because it’s winter. And you still wear trainers.” Vax said but matched his step to hers. “You chose the place, you knew how long the walk would be!”
Keyleth sighed. “I know. It’s not like I don’t have winter shoes either, I just always underestimate the winters in Emon, like, it’s not Zephrah, how bad could it possibly be?”
“Bad.” They were on their way to get some lunch somewhere else than the cafeteria for a change, and to Vax’s great annoyance, it was snowing yet again, thick, wet snowflakes soaking through his jacket and pants. Not his shoes, though, since unlike Keyleth, he was actually wearing real boots. “So,” he said after a few paces, “Sounds like you’re well prepared and not at all nervous about your exam.”
Keyleth laughed at his teasing tone. “Oh no, I’m terrified. I’m just getting better at pretending. Maybe one of these days I’ll actually convince myself, who knows.”
“You’ll do fine,” Vax reassured her.
“I know that. Still. I’ll be glad when it’s over.”
“Oh, me too. We should do something together when the term is over. Something fun.”
Keyleth nodded. “Yeah! I usually do something with Percy anyways, it’ll be so nice with Vex and you there too.”
“Maybe I wasn’t clear enough,” Vax grinned, “I meant just the two of us.”
“Oh.” Keyleth paused and Vax watched her blush, blood creep up her neck, tinging her cheeks and ears that adorable shade of pink. “Ohh. I, uh, yeah. That’d, yeah. That’d be nice!”
“Oh, you bet.” Vax held her gaze and smirked, until Keyleth turned a deep shade of crimson and looked away. Gods, how Vax loved to fluster her, just a little. She’d get used to him flirting eventually, he thought, but until then, he’d enjoy every moment of her blushing with that embarrassed little smile he could get.
“Well,” Keyleth said hastily, “I mean, if we really do want to go somewhere, we should probably start looking at things and planning soon! Just so it doesn’t get too expensive, and you’ll have to take time off work, too, right?”
“Hm, yeah. I’ll look at my schedules, figure out if I can maybe swap around some shifts to free up a few days, so we can start planning something?”
That was quick, Vax thought. If it had just been him thinking about a vacation, he knew he would have left all the planning for the very last minute and then gotten annoyed at himself when prices skyrocketed, but there seemed to be no chance of that happening with Keyleth in charge.
He reached over and took her hand, savoring the feeling of her fingers curling around his. Her hands were soft, though with small yet noticeable callouses and always so much warmer than his.
Because Keyleth seemed so keen on planning, he’d have to take extra care to do his part, Vax mused. He didn’t want to leave her stuck doing everything on her own just because he wasn’t a big planner himself.
Lost in his thoughts, Vax startled when Keyleth suddenly all but yanked him to the side. He looked over to shoot her a questioning look, but she had turned to wave at someone on the opposite side of the street. It took Vax a moment to make out Pike in a gaggle of other students, enthusiastically waving, before crossing over to them. Keyleth seemed to spot Kash among the group at the same time Vax did, her eyes nervously flitting over to Vax. Did she really think he was jealous of that loser? Vax lightly, reassuringly, squeezed Keyleth’s hand and to his relief, she relaxed notably. All good.
“Keyleth!” Pike went in for a hug, but instead awkwardly collided with Keyleth in a tangle of arms, since Keyleth was still holding on to his hand and didn’t let go in time.
“Oops!” Pike looked at their hands and grinned. “That’s new. Congrats!”
Keyleth shot her a bright smile back. “Thanks!”
Vax gave the two of them a confused look. Had Pike not known they were together? Sure, he hadn’t expected Keyleth to announce it to the world, neither of them were that kind of person, but from what Keyleth had told him, he’d been under the impression that her and Pike were close like that.
Pike must have had the same thought. “So, how long have you been together, then?” She asked. Keyleth immediately flustered, like she’d been caught doing something wrong, her fingers tensing in Vax’s.
“I-uh, like, a few weeks?” She said, “I, yeah.”
Pike nodded and Vax could tell she was doing the mental math, retracing the last three-ish weeks. “Oh, right, that’s why you were so miserable before Winter’s Crest, wasn’t it?”
Keyleth sighed. “I really thought I was hiding it, but apparently everyone knew.” Guilt surged through Vax. He had really done a good job of avoiding Keyleth for a while there and hearing time and time again how obviously unwell she’d been, because of him, his behavior, kept reminding him how shitty of a person he really was. He really didn’t deserve someone like her and one day, she’d figure that out for herself.
As if she’d read his self-destructive thoughts, Keyleth lightly squeezed his hand. “But it’s whatever,” she said and Vax wasn’t sure if she was telling Pike or him, “We’re good now.”
Pike grinned. “Seems like it. I’ve always had a feeling you two would be good together, so, I’m happy for you! But, really, Keyleth,” she shot a stern up towards Keyleth, “Why is this the first time I’m hearing about any of this?”
Keyleth sighed. “I don’t know. Honestly. I didn’t really want to talk about it at all for a while and then, somewhere, I missed the right moment. Oh, by the way!” She quickly continued, “Since when have you been back from the temple? I haven’t seen you in forever.”
“Oh, yeah, I only got back yesterday,” Pike explained, and Vax vaguely recalled Keyleth telling him about Pike and her magic maladies. “I extended my stay a little bit, because it was just really good for me, I feel so much better now! Really relaxed and grounded, and my magic is mostly back to normal for now as well.”
Keyleth smiled. “That’s a relief. Glad it helped you.”
Pike nodded emphatically. “Yup! Anyways,” she nodded at the massive bag slung over her shoulder, “I’m off to the gym now. One too many cheat days in the name of the Everlight if you know what I mean.”
“Sure, yeah,” Keyleth said dryly and Vax had to keep himself from laughing as Pike weaseled off.
“Somehow, I always feel really inadequate when I talk to her,” Vax said after a moment.
Keyleth sighed. “Gods, same. Glad I’m not the only one who feels like that.” She laughed. “Well, I mean, Pike’s life is far from perfect, too, believe it or not. She’s got a lot on her plate.”
“As do we all,” Vax said. He really wasn’t in the business for competition of who had the most going on in their life.
“You do for sure.”
Vax glanced at Keyleth and smiled. “I was more talking about you, but sure.”
Keyleth shrugged. “I guess. I mean, realistically, all I do is sit on my ass reading all day. You actually work at least.”
“You don’t just sit around. You do magic, Kiki, and pretty damn impressive magic at that. And anyways, not like one of those is more valuable than the other, is it?”
“I don’t think the value of my work is something I want to think about right now,” Keyleth sighed.
“Always so self-critical.”
“Mm.”
They walked in silence for a bit, until Vax said: “You know, speaking of Pike and the gym, we should try climbing again. We both have been doing hells of a lot of sitting and not moving lately, haven’t we? And… well, maybe that would also help with your anxiety a little bit?”
Keyleth nodded. “Yeah, no, it probably would. I’m excited to try again, but let’s get an instructor this time, alright?”
“Hm,” Vax grumbled. Given what had happened last time, yeah. An instructor would be a good idea, though Vax’s ego bristled at the idea. He learned from his mistakes and was damn capable of doing it without being told what to do. “We’ll see about that, won’t we?”

***

“Do another one!“ Grog hollered and Pike and Scanlan, perched one of his massive shoulders each, both shot of another round of sparkling, arcane fireworks, glittering through the evening darkness of Emon’s main square. They looked like fireworks, anyways, but Vax suspected they were more a of light show for Grog‘s entertainment.
“Just wait until you see the real fireworks later tonight,“ Vax teased, but Grog just laughed.
“Seen ‘em plenty o‘ times, little man. But Pikey‘s are just as good.“
Vax caught Vex throwing him a grin. „Little man, huh? I like that.“
“Shut it, at least I‘m taller than you, stubby.“
Vex didn‘t deign to give him a response to that and just sped up to catch up to Keyleth in Percy in front of them. Vax quickly shuffled after her, enjoying the wind the rather mellow evening brought with it. It was finally getting a little warmer now, and it wasn‘t snowing either, thank the Gods. Vax found he was truly over winter.
“How are they not getting tired?“ Vax asked when he, too, caught up with Keyleth, Percy and his sister, nodding over at Pike and Scanlan, “That seems like a lot of magic to just be wasting.“
Keyleth shrugged. “I don‘t think so. Those are really small spells, I‘m pretty sure, you really don‘t even have to have formal magic training to use them.“
“I didn‘t realize those existed,“ Vax said. Magic felt so very foreign to him sometimes, a secret world reserved for others.
“Yeah, well…“ Keyleth started, but Vex interrupted her.
“Oi, Kiki,“ she pointed to the other side of the square where a cluster of small stalls had set up. “That’s the stall I was looking for, over there.“
“Oh, perfect. I‘m starving.“ All of them had already eaten a while ago, save Keyleth and Vex, who hadn‘t been able to find a vegetarian option they liked. Evidently, they weren‘t the only ones facing this issue, and the line was absurdly long.
“D‘you think they got games anywhere?“ Grog asked after waiting around for the better part of two minutes, when it became clear that it’d be a while before the girls returned.
“Good idea! I‘m sure there are some,“ Pike said, “We can go look for them!“
“I do seem to recall seeing some over by the other side of the square,“ Percy said, vaguely gesturing over towards where the temples of the worship district clustered down to the riverfront.
“Let‘s go then!“ Grog said, “Pikey! Do you think I can hit things?“
“I‘m sure they have stuff like that, buddy, let‘s go check them out!“
“Alright you big dummy,“ Scanlan agreed, “Let‘s go win you some shit.“
Watching them walk off, it occurred to Vax that he would‘ve been better off going with the three of them. He‘d been meaning to wait for Vex and Keyleth, but now that he had to wait around with Percy, he regretted trying to be nice.
“They‘ll forget they came with us, and we won‘t see them for the rest of the night, just wait,“ Vax finally said in an attempt to be civil, looking after Grog carrying the two gnomes.
“Hm.“
Gods, Vax thought, Percy really could be insufferable at times. But if he didn’t want to talk, fine. Vax wouldn’t force it. He shoved his hands into his pockets, eyes fixed on the ground before him. But his resolve didn’t last. Fuck this, why should Percy get the last word?
“You know,” Vax said finally, “We should at least try to get along, don’t you think?” That came out much more passive-aggressively than he had meant it to, but his confrontational tone at least got a reaction out of Percy.
“Is that what you think, then?”
Vax glowered at Percy, then, stubbornly, he said: “We are family, sort of, aren’t we? And I, for my part, don’t need more people I can’t stand in my family.”
This finally seemed to catch Percy off guard. “Do you think so?” He asked, an earnestness in his voice that made Vax half regret ever saying anything.
“You are dating my sister, so I doubt we’ll get rid of each other anytime soon. And besides,” Vax heaved a heavy sigh, “You’re not a bad guy, Percy.”
Percy laughed, actually, truly, laughed, and Vax found that it changed his entire face, made him seem younger and less like the weight of the entire world had been rested on his shoulders and his alone. “That means a lot, coming from you,” Percy finally said.
“Oh, you know it.” Vax shot him a tentative grin, “No, I just- I know family means a lot to you, and it does to me, too, and neither of us have that much family left, let’s be honest, so maybe we can put our differences aside over that.”
“I have to admit, I’ve never quite seen it like that.” Percy paused. “I’m sure you are aware that I don’t have very many friends besides Keyleth, and really, ever since I lost my parents and my siblings, I haven’t been very good at making people my friends, you included. And I know that you aren’t always nice to me, because you worry about Vex’ahlia, and I think that that is very fair. I’m not an especially good person, but… for what it’s worth, I really do love Vex. Some days I feel like she is my judgement and what makes me able to forgive others, and myself and in that way, she makes me a better person. I really try my best to make her happier, too, so I hope that that is something you can be alright with.”
Vax stared at him for a moment. Whatever his intention behind striking up a conversation with Percy, he had not expected him to unload his feeling the way he had and it put him in a tricky spot. How could he possibly continue to be annoyed with Percy like this? “Alright,” he told Percy, “You- Honestly? I don’t think you’re a bad person. Well, I mean clearly, that is something you have to make peace with yourself, but I can tell you that you really do make Vex happy. Honestly, if anything, I have liked you better since you got together with her, and for that alone I don’t think you’re as awful as you have convinced yourself that you are.”
“Thank you,” Percy said quietly. “That… means more to me than you think.”
Vax shuffled uncomfortably. It was getting a little weird now, and he was glad when he spotted Vex and Keyleth finally making their way back over. Just as they joined him and Percy, a large shadow fell over them and Vax whirled around to find Grog standing behind him. Just Grog.
“Oi bud, where’d you leave the others?” Vax asked him. Grog shrugged.
“There was a guy selling them fancy ass instruments and Scan wanted to look at them, but that’s boring as shit, so I came back. Oh,” he added, spotting Vex and Keyleth, “Whatcha got there?”
“Grog, you just ate,” Vex said pointedly, but Keyleth held up her paper plate up to him.
“It’s potato pancakes, look. Wanna try some?”
“Obviously,” Grog took the piece Keyleth was offering him and wolfed it down in one bite. “Hmm.” He seemed to contemplate, then: “Could do with some bacon.”
Keyleth laughed. “It’s sweet, though. Didn’t you get any of the syrup?”
“So what? Everything is better with bacon.”
“Well,” Vax interrupted, before Grog and Keyleth could argue about bacon some more, “It’s still a few hours until midnight, why don’t we…”
“Get drunk!” Grog finished his sentence excitedly.
Vax shot him a lazy grin. “Exactly what I was thinking.”
Keyleth already had her phone out. “I’ll text Pike and Scanlan, I doubt they’ll want to miss this.”

Chapter Text

“It’s gotten quite chilly, hasn’t it?” Vex asked when they exited the bar. Keyleth just shrugged. She didn’t get cold very often anyways, and now that the ale was making her feel pleasantly lightheaded, she doubted the cold would have bothered her much either way. She wasn’t drunk, not yet, but that’d come later, and she was looking forward to it. What better excuse to get shitfaced with your friends than New Year’s Eve?
Vax ambled up to her and reached for her hand. Keyleth gladly let her fingers curl around his. She’d always thought this, the casual, little touches wouldn’t be important to her in a relationship, but she did have to admit that she enjoyed how well they fit together. There was something about Vax that brought out a version of her that only came out around him, and she thought it was cute how very touchy and physically affectionate he was. Not to mention that he looked extra good today. He was wearing that oversized leather jacket of his, along with his heavy black boots, which always looked good on him anyways. His makeup was heavier than usual too, those dark rimmed eyes that always gave Keyleth just that extra bit of butterflies when she looked at him and their trip to the bar had left his hair looking messy. Suddenly Keyleth desperately wished they could do more than handholding. Gods, she wanted to run her fingers through his hair, dig her fingers into his shirt, pull him against her, feel him closer…
She shook her head. What was she thinking? Maybe she had gotten more than a little buzzed after all.
“I can never tell,” she told Vax, more to distract herself from her sudden fantasies than anything, “If those rips in your jeans are actually fashion or if you are just too stubborn to replace your clothes when they break.”
“Wouldn’t you like to know? No, to be fair, these one actually ripped, but Gil came to the rescue and helped make it look a little more… intentional. My ass looks great in them, so I didn’t want to throw them out.”
Keyleth allowed herself to sneak a glance and had to agree. “They do look really good on you.”
“Thanks!” Vax shot her a grin somewhere in between his usual, cocky smirk and a genuine smile. Keyleth absentmindedly smiled back at him. Why was it, she wondered, that there was always something that felt dirty and forbidden about telling her boyfriend that he looked good, or even just thinking about it for that matter? He was hers, she could tell him whatever she wanted, and yet.
As if on cue, Vex turned around to them. “Aw, look at you guys flirting.” Keyleth bristled at her condescending tone. How often had Vex made fun of them just for enjoying each other’s company?
“Oh, shut up.” Keyleth said quietly.
Vex whipped back around, and Keyleth could feel Vax staring at her too. Fuck. She’d gone too far. The one time she let her temper get the better of her she immediately fucked it up. They’d both be mad at her now, surely. She should apologize, yeah, maybe that would fix it. Possibly. She had to try at least.
Before she could even process what to say, though, Vex started grinning broadly. “Look at you, Keyleth, standing up for yourself. Well done, darling.”
Keyleth exhaled, blood rushing into her face. Of course she had overreacted. Wasn’t that what always happened?
“Hey Vex, that’s enough. Don’t be a bitch, yeah?” Vax said dryly. Keyleth could tell he wasn’t being too serious, but gave him a grateful smile for standing up for her nonetheless.
Without much more ado, they made their way down to the riverfront, where what looked like about half of Emon’s population had gathered to watch the big firework show. Sometimes, places that crowded made Keyleth’s anxiety spike, the people, the noise, the touching and pushing and jostling, but she was relieved to realize that she felt…fine. Better than fine, actually. She wasn’t sure if it was thanks to the alcohol lending everything a soft, fuzzy edge and muffling the noise, or because Vax was still there, right next to her, holding her hand in his.
“Hey Grog,” Pike said from somewhere around Keyleth’s waist, “Pick me up?”
“Of course,” Grog said pleasantly, and grabbed both Pike and Scanlan by the collars of their coats, depositing a gnome each on his shoulders.
Scanlan crossed his arms, feigning annoyance. “Well, there goes my new year’s kiss.” He grumbled.
Grog laughed. “Don’t worry, I’ll kiss you alright.” That earned him a headbutt from Scanlan.
Right, there was that, Keyleth thought. She let go of Vax’s hand, eyes trained on the ground. Was he expecting them to kiss when the clock struck midnight? Probably. That’s what couples did, wasn’t it? Keyleth took a deep breath. She shouldn’t be nervous. This was Vax. She loved kissing him and the fact that they were surrounded by people didn’t change anything. No one would pay attention to them, no one would even care. It was fine.
Keyleth was so busy trying to calm her frustratingly buzzy nerves that she startled when Vax stepped up behind her, light-footed and silent as ever.
“You okay?” he asked quietly, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her into him.
Keyleth nodded. What had she even been worrying about, she wondered dimly as Vax lightly nuzzled the spot between her neck and her shoulder. This was perfect. Something about Vax made her feel safe, like she’d never need to worry ever again. Keyleth closed her eyes for a moment, but immediately startled when the first firework exploded above her head with a loud pop, bright and golden interspersed with blue and green sparks.
“Those are pretty,” Vax murmured. Keyleth nodded, eyes fixed on a rain of red and pink sparkles that faded to a deep purplish blue against the night sky as they rained down. Next to her, she could hear Percy tell Vex all about the non-arcane fireworks and how they used gunpowder and chemicals to make them look almost as impressive as the magical ones. She tried her best to tune it out. She’d been treated to this explanation more than once over the years of coming here with Percy, celebrating with him. It was nice to have more people she cared about around, and Percy seemed much more upbeat than usual, too, Vex leaning against him, his arm linked with hers, both smiling, talking.
A magnificent, bright red burst, much grander and brighter than the fireworks around it captured Keyleth’s attention, but only briefly, until everyone around her started to chant.
“Ten!”
Immediately, Keyleth’s nerves flared again, a heavy, sinking feeling in her stomach. Gods, she hated this. Ten more seconds and it’d be a new year, a blank canvas full of potential for her to ruin.
“Nine!”
No, gods, why was she like this? Always seeing the worst in everything?
“Eight!”
There was no reason for her to be pressuring herself like this every year. She didn’t have to make drastic changes just because it happened to be the start of a new year.
“Seven!”
Really, life was going pretty well for her right now.
“Six!”
She was happy, so who was to say she even had to set out to change anything?
“Five!”
Actually, that felt really good, realizing that, for once, she wasn’t five steps behind where she wanted to be, always trying to catch up to some unattainable goal.
“Four!”
And even if she was, now was not the time to worry about it.
“Three!”
Right now, she was here to enjoy pretty fireworks with her boyfriend.
“Two!”
Keyleth turned around to Vax. A slow smile spreading over his face, he looped his arms back around her waist, pulling her against him.
“One!”
Keyleth leaned back ever so slightly to look at Vax, his sharp cheekbones she was aching to trace with her fingers, the slight upturn of his nose, his wonderful, beautiful hazel eyes, reflecting the rainbow of colors in the sky, framed by his long, dark lashes. Unbidden, her eyes flickered down to the smile on his lips. His lips. Keyleth slung one arm around his neck tangling her fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck, cradling his face in her other hand, his skin cool against hers.
People around them began to cheer and holler and the sky seemingly exploded in a new wave of colors, bright and vibrant and beautiful, and Keyleth didn’t care.
“Happy new year, Vax,” she whispered.
“Happy new year, Kiki.”
When his lips touched hers, gentle and light, the fireworks, the laughter, the chatter, everything around them faded into the background. It was just her and Vax and her hands in his hair, his arms around her. Suddenly, Keyleth found that gentle wasn’t what she wanted. She pressed closer into him, deepening the kiss. If it was up to her, the night would never end and she’d never have to stop kissing him.

***

Keyleth blinked against the light. Ew. Her mouth felt sticky and there was a nasty aftertaste of…something, coating her tongue. And why was it so warm? Why did she feel like she was boiling, burning up? Oh. Right. Vax was crammed into her bed next to her. Why was he here? What… Her head hurt. Trying to form a coherent thought felt almost impossible, her thoughts dripping by slowly, a dull, pounding headache building up behind her forehead the more she tried to think.
Why was it so bright in here anyways? Keyleth slowly looked around. The ceiling light was on, and the curtains weren’t drawn either. Weird. She usually closed them before she went to bed, didn’t she? Then again, she usually didn’t leave the lights on, either. The lights which were now glaring down on her, stinging in her eyes, building the dull headache into a sharp, piercing pain.
Keyleth sat up and almost immediately regretted it. A terrible, intense nausea hit her in waves and her head was spinning. Wow, she felt awful. She forced herself to take a few deep breaths, trying to focus on something around the room, something other than her roiling, aching stomach.
Wait. Why was Percy here? Him and Vex were piled into Vex’s bed, Percy’s head resting on Vex’s chest, not unlike how Keyleth had woken up next to Vax. All three were still fast asleep, despite the terribly bright lights. Keyleth blinked, slowly, black spots fading in and out of her vision. What time was it? She reached for her phone only to find it powered off. Must’ve forgotten to plug it in. Gods, how in the hells had she ended up here? She was kissing Vax under a sky of fireworks, that much she remembered. And then? She closed her eyes, flashes slowly coming back to her. They were in an overcrowded bar. She was laughing, talking to her friends… She was watching Pike and Scanlan make out, though after that, things were becoming progressively fragmented and hazy. Oh, she had gotten drunk. There were other flashes too, Vax’s hands in her hair, a sticky bathroom, Pike holding her hair… Oh, of course she had thrown up. Why was she even surprised? No wonder she felt disgusting. Maybe she should go take a shower. Half-determined, Keyleth got up and immediately dropped back down onto her bed when the room started spinning around her again. She squeezed her eyes shut, but only for a moment, when Vax started moving behind her.
“Gmorning,” he mumbled, immediately followed by a groan. “Ugh, fuck me.”
“Right now? I’d rather not.”
Vax let out a low chuckle, that, despite everything, sent a spark through Keyleth.
“Why…” he muttered, “Why… so bright?”
Keyleth just nodded, immediately regretting it at the renewed pain blooming in between her eyes.
“So…” Vax said, eyes fixed at the ceiling, “How pissed, exactly, did we get last night?”
Carefully, Keyleth scooted back onto the bed, lying down next to him, her side pressing into his. That was much better. “Well,” she said, slowly, “You and Scanlan danced on the tables at some point I’m pretty sure.”
“Correction, we twerked.”
That, after all, got a laugh out of Keyleth. “Oh, so you do remember.” She said, lightly nudging Vax.
“Oh man, yeah. Grog started a fight, didn’t he?”
“That is really bold of you to say when you and Vex immediately jumped into the fight. I’m surprised you guys didn’t get us kicked out.”
Vax’s reply got drowned out by Vex loudly groaning on the other bed. “Who said my name?”
“Kiki and I were just recounting the heroic tales of last night’s exploits,” Vax said dryly.
“That explains why my head feels so big,” Vex mumbled and nudged Percy a few times. “Darling, does my head look big to you?”
Percy, still half asleep, mumbled: “No, you look lovely.”
“He’s ly-“ Vex started, then let out another groan. Keyleth watched her scramble out of bed and hurry out the door.
“Two silver she won’t make it to the bathroom in time,” Vax said lazily.
Keyleth elbowed him into the side. “That’s disgusting.”
“Hm. Gods, I’d kill for a coffee right about now.”
Keyleth curled up into herself and pulled the cover over her head. “What are the chances I can just sleep it off?”
Vax laughed again. “With how much you threw up last night? Pretty good, I’d reckon. Doubt there’s much alcohol left in your system.”
“Well, fuck you,” Keyleth grumbled.
“Alright.” Percy had sat up on Vex’s bed, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes while blindly pawing for his glasses on the nightstand. “Why don’t we all start with drinking some water?”
“You’re so welcome to go get some, De Rolo,” Vax said, the usual mix of apprehension and annoyance in his voice. Keyleth briefly considered giving him shit about it, but her head simply hurt too much to deal with whatever petty drama the guys had going on.
“My water bottle is somewhere on my desk,” she said instead.
“How is he not hungover?” Vax asked the moment the door had closed behind Percy, “Is that not unfair? And he’s human, too, shouldn’t he have a worse tolerance than we do?”
Keyleth laughed. “Pretty sure that’s a myth. I mean look at me. And if I had to guess, I’d say that Percy isn’t hungover because unlike us, he didn’t get completely and utterly wasted because he knows his limits.”
“Oh I know my limit alright,” Vax mumbled, “But what’s the point of rules if you don’t break them?”
“And then you go and wonder why you feel so much worse than Percy.”
“Smartass,” Vax said, lovingly.
“Hm.” Keyleth scooted closer to him sprawled out on the bed and placed her head on his chest. She immediately recoiled, bile rising into her throat at the stench of sweat, ale, and stale cigarette smoke, mingling into a vile cocktail settled into every fiber of his shirt. “Gods, Vax you stink. Did you smoke last night?”
“I-,” Vax paused, “I don’t remember anything, but it is something I do when I’m drunk sometimes, so I wouldn’t put it past myself.”
“That is disgusting,” Keyleth said emphatically.
Vax gave her a surprised look. “Didn’t realize it bothers you so much. I’ll stop doing it if you don’t like it.”
They were interrupted by the door swinging open and Percy coming back in, followed by a much more put together looking Vex.
“Ah,” she said, “I feel so much better now.”
“Don’t let her fool you,” Vax said to no one in particular, “This is the calm before the storm and she’ll be back to throwing up in no time.”
“Oh, but you’ll be joining me,” Vex shot back and Keyleth rolled her eyes at both of them.
“You two are creepy, you know that, right?”
“Been getting pissed together since we were fifteen,” Vax said dryly, “That ought to teach you someone’s hangover patterns pretty well.”
“How lovely,” Keyleth muttered, taking a sip from her water bottle. Almost immediately, she felt better. She was still a little nauseous, but the water washed away the parched, sticky feeling in her mouth and the cold at least briefly numbed her headache.
“Maybe Kiki’s got it right,” Vex mused, intently watching Keyleth drink, “Maybe throwing up the night of is the move.”
“It’s not, trust me,” Keyleth said. “I feel awful.”
“But you’re not sick anymore, are you?”
Keyleth groaned. “What is this? A misery competition?”
“Stop bickering,” Vax snapped, “My head’s killing me.”
“Why don’t we head back to my place, Vex?” Percy cut in, “It is quite crowded in here.”
“Good idea, fresh air is ought to help, and we can get coffee on the way,” Vex agreed.
“I’m going to go take a shower and then we can just go back to sleep,” Vax suggested when they were alone again, “Start the day over.”
Keyleth plopped down next to him. “Good idea.”

When Keyleth woke up again, the room wasn’t as glaringly bright anymore, soft afternoon light washing in through the drawn curtains. Her head didn’t hurt nearly as much anymore, either. Keyleth let out a long yawn, then turned to glance at Vax, who was still asleep. He had an arm slung around her, his face buried into her shoulder, his chest flush with her back. Keyleth stayed right where she was for a while, enjoying the feeling of his hair tickling her arm and neck, the feeling of his slow, steady breaths against her skin. When he continued not to show any sign of waking up anytime soon, Keyleth finally wriggled out of his arms and sat up against the headboard. She felt warm and sleepy and comfortable, even more so when Vax finally blinked and stretched and a moment later scooted up next to her, pulling her right back into him.
“Morning.” Keyleth reached up for a quick kiss. “Well, afternoon, more like. Feeling better?”
“Much.” Vax said. Absent-mindedly, Keyleth started playing with his hair, running her fingers through it, carefully tucking it behind his ear and winding the still slightly damp strands around her fingers.
“Vax?”
“Hm?”
Keyleth leaned her head against his shoulder, glancing up at him. “Do you like having long hair?”
Vax laughed. “Yeah, of course. I wouldn’t wear it like this otherwise, would I? Well.” He paused. “I had short hair when I was little, until I was five or six or so. We obviously have really thick hair, and it does get tangled really easily, so our mum thought one kid with long hair was enough. But I started growing it out eventually, if only because I wanted to look more like Vex. And I ended up really liking it, both how it feels and how it looks, so I haven’t looked back since. Why?”
Keyleth gave a noncommittal shrug. “Just wondering… I’ve been thinking about cutting my hair shorter,” she admitted, “That’s all.”
Vax gave her a surprised look. “Really? How come?”
Keyleth shrugged again. “I don’t know, I just… I’ve always had long hair and I don’t like it that much anymore.” That was the understatement of the century, because lately, she’d come to despise her hair. Even now, comfortable as she was, she was itching to reach for a clip or a hair tie, anything to get it off her skin, out of her face.
Vax carefully combed his fingers through her hair. “Does it really bother you that much? It’s not even that thick or heavy.”
“Well,” Keyleth said defensively, “It’s not my mom’s or anything, but honestly, at this length it is really warm and always gets into my face. At least it feels like that to me.”
That earned her a curious look. “Your mom?”
Keyleth vaguely motioned towards one of the many pictures on her wall, before realizing that Vax definitely didn’t spend enough time in her room to have ever closely looked at the pictures. Indeed, Vax immediately untangled himself from her and knelt down in front of her photos, inspecting the one she’d pointed out with a curious gleam in his eyes.
“Oh, you’re tiny,” he grinned, “How old were you?”
Keyleth knew the picture inside out. She’d found it in her father’s desk years ago and just kept it. Not that he had ever asked for it back. It showed her parents, posing under one of the big cherry trees in Zephrah, smiling at the camera, cradling her toddler self in between them. “Not sure.” She said. “Two maybe? Three?”
Vax grinned. “It’s cute. The fringe really suits you. Oh, wow. You look a lot like your mom.”
Keyleth laughed out loud. “No I don’t.”
Vax shrugged. “I think so. Not in the more obvious ways, maybe, she has darker hair and stuff and you’re very…”
“Very ginger and pasty, yes,” Keyleth said dryly.
“I didn’t say that.” Vax laughed. “No but really. I mean you have the same tattoos as her, for one thing, but I also think your face shape and nose look like hers and you have the same eyes, just in a different color. And her smile looks just like yours.”
Keyleth pressed her lips together, swallowing heavily. “No one has ever said that to me before,” she told Vax quietly. With every passing year, Keyleth found she struggled more to remember the exact cadence of her mother’s laugh, the way she’d smelled, the way her eyes had looked when the sun hit them just the right way, so she clung on to the few photos she had, and even though she tried so hard to hold on to those fleeting expressions she’d given up looking for any sort of resemblance long ago. Between her mother’s thick, dark curls, tan skin and bright amber eyes, there was nothing for Keyleth to see herself in, to latch onto. And if her father saw something of her mother in her, he sure as hells hadn’t ever bothered to tell her. Ironically, her father insisting on pretending her mother had never existed in the first place had just made Keyleth more desperate for a connection, anything to anchor her to her mother, to make her not disappear entirely. She didn’t say anything for a while. Vax was bound to know how she felt after all.
“What’s her name?” Vax asked, quietly, after a moment.
“Vilya.” Keyleth replied softly. “Yours?”
“Elaina.”
“That’s a pretty name. Did- Did she look a lot like you guys?”
Vax grabbed his phone and after a moment, pulled up a picture. He handed the phone to Keyleth. “I’ll let you be the judge of that.”
Keyleth regarded the picture for a moment. At first, her gaze was drawn to Vex and Vax, about five years old, both small and slight, two identical, dirt speckled, wide-eyed faces looking up at their mum. They were settled on her lap, and she was hugging both of them close. At first glance, she looked ridiculously like her twins. When the photo was taken, she couldn’t have been much older than the twins were now and the resemblance to Vex in particular was almost uncanny. The same dark hair, the same braid Vex wore so often, big hazel eyes, the same full lips and upturned nose. But then, upon a second look, Keyleth noticed that she lacked all of the twins‘ sharpness. Her cheekbones weren’t nearly as pronounced, the slant of her brows less severe, she had a rounder, softer jawline, and her ears, too, were round of course.
As if he’d read her thoughts, Vax said: “Yeah, the elven side came through pretty heavily once we hit puberty.”
“I’ve never met your dad,” Keyleth said quietly, “But just based on hat you told me about him, you come after her, not him, no matter how much you look like him.”
Vax nodded, anger flashing over his features, there and then gone. “I wish I had nothing of his,” he pressed out. “If I could take his blood out of me I would in a heartbeat. I hate him.”
“I know,” Keyleth murmured and curled back against him, wrapping her arms around him, pulling him closer. Instantly, Vax relaxed.
“I shouldn’t get angry,” he said after a while, “He’s not worth it.” Distractedly, he slipped his hand into the nape of Keyleth’s neck, toying with her hair, until she felt his fingers brush over the clasp of her necklace. “What’s that?”
Keyleth pulled the necklace out, a thin silver band from which hung a heavy silver ring decorated with leaves and branches.
Vax closed his fingers around it, twirling it around in his hand. “Wow, that’s nice. I’ve never seen you wear it before.” Keyleth shrugged.
“I don’t wear it often. I put it on yesterday at some point and must’ve forgotten to take it off.”
Vax was still playing with the ring. Keyleth didn’t quite share his fascination for shiny, pretty things, but she found his curiosity endearing nonetheless. “What does it say on the inside?” He asked, running his finger over the engraving.
“I have passed through fire.”
Vax gave her a curious look but didn’t probe further. “Where’d you get it?”
“From…” Keyleth hesitated. “His name’s Ker. He was a friend of my mom’s, and he lived in Zephrah for a while when I was little. He... was there for me after she left, for a while at least, but he also left eventually, about a year after her. I didn’t hear from him for years after, but when I was in my first year here, when I was struggling the most, he sent me a long letter and the ring. I- I never replied because I was so overwhelmed with everything, but I still have the letter and I reread it sometimes and obviously the ring, too.”
Vax finally let go of the ring, tracing his fingers over Keyleth’s cheek, gently cupping her face. “I’m glad you had some adults in your life who were there for you.”
Keyleth slightly bowed her head and pressed a kiss to his hand. “I- I wish you could’ve had that too.”
Vax smiled. “My mum was pretty great while she was around.”
“What was she like?”
Vax cocked his head to the side, and Keyleth knew he was calling on old memories, half forgotten and slowly fading further. “She was a seamstress,” he said slowly. “Her sewing machine was in Vex’s and my room, so we’d often watch her work. She had quick hands, I remember that, but not quick enough, so she often had nicks and cuts on her fingers. She taught me coin tricks and how to cheat at card games, too. When the weather was bad, she… told us stories while she worked, to keep us from getting too rowdy and terrorizing the cat. She always smelled like dusty fabric and biscuits even though I don’t think I’ve ever seen her bake. She always said we didn’t need our… didn’t need Syldor, that it being just the three of us, was perfect. She liked sweetly scented candles and colorful décor and laughed a lot. I think.” Sadness passed over his face. “Fuck, I miss her.”
“Mmm.” Keyleth dug her face into his shoulder. “It’s unfair. Why does life suck sometimes?”
“I don’t know…” Vax slowly drew his fingers across her back, a slow, comforting pattern, “But I think that as long you have people who are there for you, you can get through almost anything.”
Keyleth groaned. “That is so cheesy.”
Vax just laughed, pressing his face into her hair.
“So,” Keyleth asked after a moment, “If I did end up cutting my hair, would you, like, mind?”
“Kiki, I like you for you, not your hair.” Vax said, an amused tone to his voice. “You could get a buzzcut and I’d still be into you.”
“Into me like… attracted to me?” Keyleth asked, tentatively.
Vax shrugged. “Sure, yeah.”
Keyleth took a deep breath. She’d been meaning to talk to him anyways, and the timing really wouldn’t get much better than right now when they were both relaxed and enjoying each other’s company.
“So, uh, speaking of-“ Fuck, why did she suddenly sound so nervous? Everything was fine.
Vax raised an eyebrow. “You alright?”
Keyleth nodded. “Yeah, uh, I just- been meaning to tell you something, uh… Do-do you know what asexual means?”
Vax nodded. “Yeah. Wait, are you?”
“I- yes? Well, sort of. I guess you could say that I am until I’m not? As in, like… I’ve, all my life, I’ve never been attracted to anyone, nothing like that, until, well, until I met you. Uh, for example, I… I’ve never really had fantasies about anyone, not like that, but… I do about you, and I… you’re the first person I think about that way.” Fuck, her face was glowing, she could feel it, she must look like a tomato.
Vax was grinning broadly. “Doesn’t sound very asexual to me.”
“It-it’s called demisexual, actually.” Keyleth soldiered on to explain. “It’s- I mean, it’s not super important to me to have a label for it, but that’s what it is. And it means that… I really don’t experience attraction ever, like someone who is asexual, until I get really emotionally close with someone and, I mean, even then it doesn’t always happen, but sometimes it does.” Quickly, because she was starting to feel like she was stupidly overexplaining this, she added: “I know it’s not really relevant for you to know! I mean, I am attracted to you, so it doesn’t matter! I just… I wanted you to know anyways.”
“Of course it matters,” Vax said calmly. “Sorry if I was a little dismissive there. Your- who you’re with doesn’t affect your identity, or at least it shouldn’t. I’m not suddenly straight just because I’m with you, just like I’m not suddenly gay when I’m with a man, even if people love to tell me otherwise.”
Keyleth just nodded. She hadn’t expected Vax to react quite this intensely. Maybe he just had a different perspective on all of this than her.
“I wasn’t very helpful there, was I?” Vax asked sheepishly.
“What do you mean?”
“You asked me how I knew I was bi, remember? And I said that I didn’t think people had to actually figure that kind of stuff out. Which I now get was a bit of a stupid thing to say.”
“Oh.” Keyleth said slowly. “That, yeah.” Vax was right, she realized. Him telling her that had been one of the main reasons she’d avoided thinking about it for a while. She hadn’t thought he’d even remember.
“I’m sorry,” he said earnestly.
“Thanks.”
“So,” Vax continued, “Did you ever figure out if you’re bi or something?”
Keyleth shrugged. “I don’t know. I have been thinking about it, and I’m pretty sure that I would have fallen for you just the same if you were a woman. But there’s no way to know for sure and it’s really not important to me.”
“Fair,” Vax shot her a small smile, “Thank you. For telling me. I know that kind of stuff can be scary.”
Keyleth nodded. It wasn’t a big deal to her, she’d just wanted Vax to know, and the whole conversation made her want to squirm. She wanted to be closer to Vax. No, she wanted some distance between them. No, she- “Wanna order something to eat and watch a movie?” She asked instead.
“I-“ Vax gave her a long, considering look, “Sure, just.” He grinned. “One more question, Kiki. About those fantasies of yours.”
Keyleth gave a startled sound. She hadn’t expected him to bring that up again and already kind of regretted even telling him.
Vax, ever enjoying her fluster, grinned even wider. “Care to share, lovely?”
Keyleth bit her lip. There was really no reason for her to even be embarrassed, it was just how she’d been conditioned to think. She could be brave and anyways, she liked the way Vax was looking at her, curious and expectant and…there was a certain want in his eyes that made heat up all over.
“See.” She said quietly, “They usually start a little something like this.” Her heart was hammering in her chest as she climbed onto his lap and scooted forward until she was straddling him, her knees firmly planted on either side of him, their chests touching.
“Oh?” Vax said, his voice a low murmur that made a shiver run up Keyleth’s spine. He slipped his hands under her shirt, hands on her hips, steadying her in place, his fingers digging into her skin, burning hot against her. “And then?”
Keyleth swallowed heavily, trying to ignore the glowing, burning feeling somewhere in her stomach, possibly lower, combined with her heart still hammering, nerves and excitement and something altogether new. She slid her hands over his chest under the hem of his shirt over his skin, carefully lifting the fabric off of him.
Vax scrambled to help her take his shirt off and sharply inhaled, surprised, as she pressed herself against him. Keyleth was caught off guard at how much she liked that little sound, how badly she wanted to make him do it again.
“Then this,” she whispered, before pulling him into a deep kiss, fingers digging into his hair. Warm, he was so warm, and suddenly kissing wasn’t enough. She wanted more.
“And me?” Vax asked when they broke apart. His voice was hoarse and low, but Keyleth could hear his nerves below his flirty bravado. Strangely, she found it comforting that despite him having much more experience, he was nervous, too. “Can I do this?” He lifted her shirt, gently, just as she had just done with his. Keyleth nodded, real worry creeping in for the first time. Were… Was this happening? Were they going too fast? No, wanted this. Badly, too, she realized, her body guiding her before her mind had time to fully catch up.
Vax effortlessly pulled her shirt over her head, carelessly tossed it aside, and just stared at her for a moment. Keyleth suddenly became acutely aware of how she looked without a shirt on, or a bra, for that matter, all pale and flat and freckled.
“Shit,” Vax exhaled, “You’re so pretty.”
Keyleth could feel herself flushing hot from the way he looked at her alone, skin prickling, a low humming sensation between her legs slowly building up into a more burning, aching feeling. Her move now. Leaning forward, she pulled Vax into another kiss, enjoying the delicious friction of skin against skin, enjoying how hungry Vax felt, how he lightly parted her lips, how eager he was to explore her with his hands, at first, then breaking away from her lips. Keyleth inhaled sharply when she felt his lips touch her neck, softly, at first, more determined, then suddenly, he was back at her mouth, kissing her again, her lip catching on his teeth.
“So,” Vax asked slightly out of breath between two kisses, “What happens next?”
Despite her heart still hammering in her throat, Keyleth couldn’t help but smile. “I think we figure that out together.”

Chapter Text

Vax ambled up to the Slain Dragon and was immediately enveloped by the bar’s signature mixture of hot, stale air and loud music mingling with noisy people. Vax suppressed a yawn. He was exhausted and if he was being honest, he would have much preferred his bed over a night out. Which might be a first. Resigned to his fate, Vax slipped through the door and, oh, yeah. Those were his idiots right over there, crowded around a table in the corner, the five of them somehow noisier than the rest of the patrons combined.
“Hey there.” Vax plopped down onto an empty seat right on the corner of the table, “Special guest hasn’t shown up yet?”
Vex next to him shook her head. “Not yet.”
“Oh, Vax! Here.” Keyleth, sat opposite him and Vex, slid him a plate. It was loaded with chips and some sort of handheld pie. No one else at the table seemed to have ordered any food, so Vax shot her a puzzled look, but the smell of food before him was just too enticing to worry too much about the why or how.
He really was famished, Vax noticed while wolfing down his chips. He had been cutting back on work a little to have more time to study for his exams, which had him a little pressed for money and also meant he wasn’t bringing home the leftovers he usually depended upon. Not that he had told Keyleth about any of that, largely to avoid her feeling sorry for him. He didn’t want her to think it was her responsibility to take care of him, like he knew she would. She seemed to have noticed anyways, though, and Vax couldn’t deny that it felt nice to have someone look out for him without him having to ask for it.
“Thank you.” He said. The food was delicious and, miraculously, lifted his brain fog and spirits instantly. Keyleth watched him eat, brow creased with worry.
“You really need to eat more,” she said.
“Sure,” Vax replied, but he couldn’t help a slight annoyance tinging his gratitude. How, exactly, did she expect him to do that? The day only had so many hours.
Keyleth coked her head to the side, her hair tumbling over her shoulders. “Hey, are you alright?”
Vax rolled his eyes. “Yes, fine. Just had a long day. Thanks for the food.”
Keyleth shot him a very pointed glance, but before she could say anything, the door opened once again and Gil strolled in, immaculately dressed as always. Vax noticed large, colorful beads braided into his long hair and rings adorning his fingers, eyes rimmed with so much kohl Vax could see it from across the bar. All in all, he looked as fabulous and attractive as ever.
While everyone started hooting and hollering as Gil approached them, Vax quickly got up to hug his friend.
“Hey. I’m so glad you made it.”
Gil gave him a wide, dazzling smile. “No, thank you for making this happen.”
“Well, if you insist on getting out of here, sending you off properly is the least we can do.”
Gil sat down next to Vex and called “A round for the table, please!” over to the bar, before asking: “So, who is everyone?” He inclined his head to Vex. “Well, I know charming Vex’ahlia, of course.”
Vex smiled. “It’s good to see you.” She looked over to the side. “This is Percy, my boyfriend, Percy, Gilmore.”
“Hello.” Percy said, not unpleasantly, but left it at that, leading to a slightly awkward pause.
“I, uh, hi.” Keyleth interjected after a moment, “I’m Keyleth? I’m, well, Vax and I are dating? Hi.”
Vax flinched at how insecure of herself she sounded. Fuck, this was on him. He should have made it a point to introduce her to Gil the moment he walked in. As if meeting his ex-boyfriend wasn’t bound to be weird enough for her already.
Gil smiled at her. “Oh, Keyleth! I’ve heard so much about you, it’s lovely to meet you.”
“Only good things I hope?” Keyleth asked, a nervous little smile flitting over her features.
“Oh, of course.”
Vax exhaled slowly. Gil to the rescue. How had it not occurred to him that this was just about as awkward of a setup as it could be?
“Alright, who’s everyone else?” Gil asked cheerily.
“Hey, Pike here,” Pike said, “And that’s Scanlan.”
Scanlan grinned. “Big fan of your store. And the style.”
Gil laughed. “Ah, a purveyor of the finer things.”

“Oh, Vax,” Gil said as their drinks arrived, “I’ve been meaning to tell you…”
Vax quickly settled into a weird state in between familiar comfort and a sense of nervous anticipation. This was normal, maybe even better than normal, or at least it should have been. He was having a good time with his friends, talking to Gil just like he had a thousand times over, and yet, everything was different, because Gil was leaving. Still, even though things felt like they were about to change monumentally, there were his friends just like always, Scanlan tuning his guitar, Keyleth chatting with Vex and Percy.
“So, how’s, uh… Darius?” Vax asked eventually. Gods, him and names.
“Oh, he’s wonderful,” Gil said, “He’s been staying over and helping me with the move and honestly, him living in Westruun has me more excited than ever to get settled over there.”
“I didn’t know he came to Emon with you. You should have invited him.” Vax had to admit that he was more than a little curious about this new boyfriend of Gil’s.
Gil let out a bellowing laugh. “Oh, trust me, I did. He is just quite introverted, and he doesn’t know you folks at all, so he didn’t quite feel up for it tonight.”
“That’s fair,” Vax said, “But if you have the chance to introduce us at some point, I’d love to meet him. Anyways, speaking of, how are things in Westruun? I don’t think I’ve been.”
Gil sighed. “Westruun is nice and as for the shop… Proceeding as planned, I’d say. Stressful, of course, but I’ll spare you the details. Doubt you care too much about our faulty plumbing. There’s always a thousand and one things going on, and with a project this big, things are bound to go wrong here and there, but I can assure you that I’m managing just fine. My parents are helping, and it was much easier than I thought to hire some capable people, so I’ll likely be able to split my time between both stores, which is honestly quite the relief. Of course there’s always more work to be done in terms of the actual wares we’re selling, but it’s all really exciting nonetheless. You really should come visit when you’re done with your exams, which is… when?”
“’Bout another week,” Vax yawned, “Two more exams left, including one I’m retaking from last semester so it’s… manageable.”
“Oh, just a week? We should definitely have something to show for by then.” Gil grinned. “How’s that treating you, by the way? Studying, I mean. Think you’ll actually pass everything for a change?”
“Who knows,” Vax said vaguely. “We’ll see, won’t we? Well. I’m actually feeling pretty good for once.” He grinned. “Maybe I was made for academia after all.”
“That’s great. Dare I say that it looks like your girlfriend is good for you?”
Vax laughed. “Oh, she is.” He peered over to Keyleth in her loose jeans overalls, hair tucked behind her ears, lights lending it an amber shine. She was slowly working her way through some colorful, fruity-looking drink Vax wouldn’t have touched with a ten-foot pole. She also wasn’t talking to anyone, Vax realized, Percy having moved over to Pike and Vex arguing with Scanlan.
“Well,” Gil said, and Vax noticed he had followed his line of sight, “I think I’ve hogged your attention for long enough and I’ve been meaning to talk to Vex’ahlia anyways. You’ll excuse me.”
Just as Vax wanted to get up to wander over to Keyleth, Pike hopped up onto the now empty seat next to him, Scanlan in tow.
“Vax?” She asked, batting her eyes at him, “Do you want to shots with us? Get a head start before Grog shows up.” Vax, of course, couldn’t say no to that. The opportunity to one-up Grog for once was just too good to pass up.
A few shots in, the noise significantly dampened and his thoughts feeling pleasantly disconnected, Vax found himself gazing around the bar. Despite it being one of his and Vex’s favorite haunts, he hadn’t actually been to this particular bar in a while. Not since… His eyes wandered over to the corner where Keyleth and Kash had danced, had kissed. Gods, he remembered watching them and he remembered how thoroughly miserable it had made him feel, much like someone tearing at his chest, the sensation threatening to rip his heart out. Not that he’d been able to admit to himself why, exactly, it had bothered him so much. It had taken a good while longer until he’d been able to face up to that.
“I bet Vax can’t drink a thing of ale as fast as me.” Grog proclaimed.
“Mug.” Pike slurred, “Is called a mug.”
“Challenge accepted in any case,” Vax muttered, “If you pay.”
But before Grog could get up and get them more ale, Gil nudged Vax’s shoulder. “Join me outside?”
Vax nodded. Fresh air sounded like a good idea.
“Want one?” Gil offered him a cigarette, but Vax shook his head.
“Hm, not tonight.”
“Good boy.”
Vax tried his best to bite back his smirk. Unsuccessfully. Gil managed to stay serious a moment longer, but then he was grinning right along with Vax. “Well, they’re really bad for you anyways.”
“Says you.” Vax grumbled, but Gil just kept grinning. Standing in silence, Vax couldn’t help thinking of the many times they’d spent together taking smoke breaks like this. In the beginning, it had just been breaks at work, him watching Gil smoke, or them trading a cigarette back and forth between them. Later, the moments had become a lot more frequent, the two of them finding themselves outside during parties, preferring each other’s company over the noise inside, then sitting on Gil’s small balcony more and more, fairy lights glinting overhead while they talked the night away. When they had started to date, those nights on the balcony had slowly transitioned into their little ritual after sex, both of them desperately craving each other’s presence. It was interesting, Vax thought, how that had been the first time he’d ever felt right at home with someone outside of Vex. Maybe that was why he was so apprehensive about Gil leaving.
“Hey there, love,” Gil said suddenly, snapping Vax out of his memories. He looked up to find Keyleth anxiously hovering in the doorway.
“Hi, uh, I just. Sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt,” she mumbled.
“You’re fine,” Gil said reassuringly, “I really have been taking up a lot of Vax’s attention.”
“No!” Keyleth said, “No, it’s alright, really! I was just wondering where he was, but now I know, so!”
“Hey, no, stay,” Vax told her.
“I- okay.”
“I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you all night,” Vax said after Gil had made his way back inside, leaving behind a cloud of his heady, spiced perfume.
“No, don’t worry, it’s fine, really!” Vax was surprised how upset Keyleth sounded. “I’m not jealous or anything, I promise. I don’t expect you to hang out with me all night. I really was just looking for you. I wanted to see if you were okay, that’s all, I swear!”
“Kiki.” Vax said, reaching for her hand, pulling her close, “Hey. I know you’re not jealous and I’m still sorry I basically ignored you today, okay?”
“I really don’t mind. I just- Are you okay?”
“I-“ Vax sighed. Trying to lie to Keyleth was futile and anyways, it felt good to open up to her. “I guess I’ve been better. Gil… I know it sounds weird because we used to date but apart from Vex he is my best friend, and I just… I know he’s moving because of work but it feels like he’s leaving me. Gods, I sound like a petulant toddler.”
Keyleth shrugged. “I think you’re allowed to feel like that, as long as you don’t let it out on him.”
“Sure. It’s not that serious anyways,” Vax replied, “I think I’m just… generally stressed.”
“Because of tomorrow?”
Vax nodded. Their visit to Syngorn had been looming over him all night, always an unpleasant tingling at the back of his skull, even if he was mostly worried for Keyleth, not himself. He didn’t mind being rude, spending all day sulking in a corner glowering at everyone who dared to give him or Vex shit, but Keyleth wouldn’t stand up for herself if they were as disgusting to her as they were to Vex and him. Well, maybe that was a lie. He couldn’t deny that Keyleth was a convenient way to excuse his agitation and nerves, rather than facing that he really didn’t want to go to fucking Syngorn.
“Well, it’s really nice of you to visit for your sister,” Keyleth said quietly. “I know it sucks.”
“Hm.” Vax pulled her closer to him until her shoulder was touching his. “Want to know a secret? If it wasn’t for Vex, I don’t think I’d have any sort of relationship with Lori. Don’t get me wrong I love her to pieces, but- I’m okay with the history I have with Syngorn, but only because it’s a chapter I’ve closed, and it’d be a lot easier for me to not have to look back. It’s not like that at all for Vex I know that, and that’s alright but nothing could ever get me to go there again if it wasn’t for her.”
Keyleth nodded. “I get that. It’s- I think you love really deeply and I think that’s wonderful of you, but maybe you sometimes have to let Vex do what she wants and accept that she’s gonna do it on her own, so you don’t end up hurting yourself. But… I think we’ll be fine. Tomorrow, I mean.” She shot him a reassuring smile. “I’ll look out for you.”
Vax laughed. “Thank you. Really. Should we head back inside?”
“I-,” Keyleth hesitated, “I was actually thinking of calling it a night and going back to the dorms.”
“Everything alright?”
“Oh yeah, I’m just… I don’t know, I guess I’m not in the mood tonight and I’m starting to get a little anxious, that’s all. I don’t want it to get worse because then I won’t sleep and… I’d like to avoid that.”
“Alright,” Vax said, but he couldn’t help feeling irritated. Had they not talked about just this a million times? Had they not agreed that Keyleth would tell him when she wasn’t feeling well? She’d promised. Still, he asked: “Do you want me to come with you?”
Keyleth shook her head vehemently. “Gods, no. You’re here for Gilmore! I don’t want to make you leave early because of me.”
“I-“ Vax paused. She was right, of course. He was here for Gil, and he really didn’t want to leave now, but he also hated the thought of Keyleth walking home alone and sitting in her room, all on her own and anxious. He wanted to be there for her just as much as he wanted to stay and celebrate with Gil.
“Alright,” he finally said. “If you say you’re okay then I think I’ll stay, but honestly probably not that much longer. Wouldn’t want to be totally wrecked for tomorrow.”
“Good shout.” Keyleth laughed, then, lightly placing her free hand on his chest, reached up and kissed him. Vax had to stop himself from wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in, holding onto her, letting her touch ground him. He knew she didn’t like being held when she was anxious and the last thing he wanted to do was make her feel worse. As a compromise, he held on to her hand.
“Alright,” Keyleth said, “I’ll be off, then, and… I promise to tell you if I start feeling worse or need anything.”
Vax nodded. “Great. I…” He hesitated, “I will see you later, then.”
He watched Keyleth walk off, the I love you he’d almost said still stuck in his throat.

***

“It’s almost warm today, isn’t it?” As if to prove her point, Keyleth was only dressed in a sweater, sleeves pushed up over her elbows. Vax nodded. He had opted for his winter coat still, though he was starting to regret it as he was slowly breaking into a sweat watching the sun climb over the tops of the trees of the central Park. Warm was maybe stretching it, but now, in mid Misuthar, winter was finally, noticeably coming to an end.
“Here?” Vax asked. He made his way over to a large, sprawling tree, its bare branches not yet providing much shade from the brilliant blue skies.
“Here’s nice. I- Do you need help?”
“Got it.” Vax said, dropping his backpack onto the ground. Wrestling with its contents for a moment, he pulled out the large, checkered picnic blanket and spread it in between the roots of the tree. Alright, it wasn’t actually a picnic blanket, it was his spare set of bed sheets, just as the picnic food he’d brought was taken directly from the cafeteria. Romance on a budget.
“M’Lady,” he said, offering the blanket to Keyleth with an ironic smile.
“Thank you.” Keyleth said, smiling, lightly running her fingers along the fabric, “It’s- This is cute.”
Vax plopped down next to her. “Here’s to surviving the exams.”
“Well,” Keyleth took one of the dented styrofoam boxes and grabbed a few biscuits and an apple, “We don’t know if we’ve passed yet, do we?”
“Oh relax.” Vax leaned over and pressed a kiss to her temple. “You’ll be fine, Kiki.” Without waiting for an answer, he grabbed two of the sandwiches and a handful of berries from the box. Gods, he was starving.
Keyleth sighed. “You’re right.” She leaned her head against his shoulder, eyes fixed on the bare-branched tree above. “Thanks for reminding me that I’m being stupid, and the world is in fact not ending just because I haven’t gotten my results back yet.”
“Well, you’ve already gotten much less doomsday-y since I’ve met you,” Vax said with a grin, “And anyways, you said all your exams went decently well, didn’t you?”
Keyleth shrugged. “I guess… I mean, I blanked on one of the spells and I’m pretty sure one of the results in my chem exam was completely off, but… You know, never mind. No use in overthinking it I can’t change it anyways, I’m just glad the semester is over.”
“And we’ll be done after next semester!” Vax said, “Well, given I pass everything.”
Keyleth nodded. “Yeah! That- I’m excited! I mean,” She laughed, “I’m being dramatic. I’m glad for the break, but I’m looking forward to next semester and I’m so excited about applying for continued education programs for next year! There’s so many really cool advanced ones, I’ll have a hard time choosing. I already checked the lists and there’s so much that interests me. I- I mean, I am nervous about graduating, I just… I know my anxiety is gonna be rough, especially when it’s about something this important. And higher education is going to be even more demanding than what I do now, so it’s gonna be a lot, but… like you said, I’m much better now and I’m learning to trust myself a little more.” She paused and cocked her head to one side. “You- Well, you’re not doing any sort of second degree, are you?”
“I-“ Vax gave her a surprised look. “No.” They hadn’t really ever discussed this up until now, but sometimes, Keyleth just seemed to know things without him having to tell her. “I don’t enjoy uni very much,” he said plainly. “It’s good that I’ll have a useable degree by the end of it, but I’ll be glad when it’s over and I’ll never have to look back.”
“That’s… I think it’s better for you that way,” Keyleth said slowly, “Not that- I mean, well, I’ll miss having you around of course! But it’s pretty obvious that it’s not the place for you and you’re not happy.”
“Yeah,” Vax said dryly, “I’m just not as smart as the rest of you guys.”
“What? No!” Vax had to suppress his smile as Keyleth gently cupped his face in her hands and decidedly said: “Vax, that’s not at all true. You’re really smart. I mean… Well, you’re pretty insightful and emotionally smart, of course, but you’re intelligent as well, I swear! It’s just that you don’t prioritize studying so your grades don’t reflect that, and that’s okay! Doesn’t mean you’re not smart!”
“Well, looks I’m quite the catch, then.” Vax grinned and leaned forward to give her a quick kiss. Still, he could feel his face warm at her words and he couldn’t deny how good it felt to have someone tell him that he wasn’t stupid, that his bad grades weren’t because he was somehow inadequate. He didn’t get to hear that very often, not with Vex calling him an idiot every chance she got.
“You know it,” Keyleth grinned, leaning her head against his shoulder. Vax carefully started running his fingers through her hair. She watched him for a while, then asked: “So… how do you feel about being away from Vex if she continues uni and you don’t? I mean… you’ve always been around each other, right? And you probably won’t be living together, will you?”
Vax shrugged. Him and Vex had always planned on moving back in together after uni, back to one of the shitty apartments that they’d called home for the years before washing up at EmU, but now it was looking like that wasn’t going to happen. As far as Vax knew, Vex was still trying to decide between staying at the dorms and moving in with Percy, into his fully paid for apartment. Vax didn’t like either of these options.
“It’s honestly gonna be pretty rough,” he admitted. “I don’t know. I- It’s not like I talk to her all the time or anything, lately not even every day to be honest, but I like knowing that she’s just down the hall. And, like you said, I’ve just always had her around. She’s also never dated anyone seriously enough to even think about moving in with them and that’s an adjustment for me as well.”
“I think that’s fair,” Keyleth said, “Though I bet it’s an adjustment for her too. She’s probably just as nervous to be away from you.”
Vax shrugged. “I’ve always needed her more than she needs me.”
“Hm. I- Actually, I don’t think that’s true.” Keyleth said slowly. “I don’t know her as well as you do, obviously, but I don’t think that she doesn’t need you. I think if anything, she’s just better at not showing how much she needs you.”
“There’s nothing you don’t notice is there?” Vax asked softly.
Keyleth just laughed. “Well, you could say that I have a vested interest in all things concerning you. By the way, speaking of Vex. Have you and Percy finally arranged yourselves with the fact that you’re stuck together? Or are you gonna keep acting like children until the end of eternity?”
Vax groaned. “You sound like Vex.”
“Maybe because she’s right? It is kind of annoying. I mean, it’s fine, I can’t force you to like Percy… Well.” Keyleth laughed. “Actually, I could, I’m pretty sure there’s spells for that. But magic solutions aside, it is making it kind of difficult for everyone who cares about you two.”
“Hm.” Vax considered for a moment. He really hadn’t ever thought of his little rivalry with Percy that big of a deal, but seeing as it seemed to genuinely bother both Vex and Keyleth, maybe it was more serious to them than it was to him. “I have talked to him.” He eventually offered up, “Percy I mean. On New Years, when you and Vex were getting food. We… I guess we sort of agreed to be better, but… I don’t know. It’s complicated. I do like him, at least I think I do, if only because he’s Vex’s boyfriend, but he does drive me up the wall sometimes, so it’s much easier to play nice when I don’t have to be around him.”
Keyleth let out another laugh and scooted closer to him, putting her head back onto his shoulder. “Maybe that’s all I’m gonna get. I, uh, circling back to uni, though. Do- I mean, any ideas what you want to do after?”
Vax just shrugged. “No idea. You?”
“Well, I’m obviously continuing my studies first, so I still have some time to narrow it down, but I do obviously want to continue in the druidic ecology sort of direction and anyways, the field is kind of niche, so I won’t end up with a ton of options anyways, but… enough about me, it’s not that interesting anyway. I’m curious about you. Gil has offered you a job before, right? Would you ever consider taking it? Working for him is fine, right?”
Vax sighed. “Honestly? I think about it a lot and change my mind just about every other day. I like Gil and, you’re right, I like working with him. Not to mention that he’s made it clear how grateful he’d be if I kind of took over the admin side of things in the Emon branch now that he’s splitting his time and I do know how to do that, I’d do just fine running the store in his absence.”
“But?”
“But I really don’t want to be stuck working retail or retail admin for the rest of my life even if it is for my best friend.” He sighed. “I- It’s frustrating, is all, feeling so lost all the time. Vex always knows exactly what she wants from her life and where she’s going, she always has. And it’s never been like that for me. For a long time, I just did whatever she did and that usually worked out well enough, but it wasn’t me. It didn’t make me happy the way it should have. So now I generally stick to making it from one day to the next, without looking or thinking ahead very much. You, too.” He allowed himself to bury his face in Keyleth’s hair for a moment, inhaling her scent, feeling how she fitted into him perfectly.
“You always know what you want. You doubt yourself sometimes but deep down, you know. I wish I had that.”
“Hmm.” Keyleth wrapped her arms around him and briefly nuzzled his neck. The feeling sent a wave of heat through Vax. “Well, I don’t think I can help you with that, as much as I’d love to! That- I think you need to figure that out yourself, but,” She smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheek, “Trust that I’ll be there, cheering you on every step of the way, just like you always do for me. Promise.”
“I know.” Gods, he really loved her. He took a deep breath, then said: “Anyways, if I started working for Gil, I’d effectively be locked down in either Emon or Westruun and I know you don’t want to live here forever.”
Keyleth shrugged. “I mean, yeah, I guess it’d be nice to move somewhere a little smaller eventually, but I’ll be in uni for another few years at least and then gods know where I’ll find a job. And anyways, you really shouldn’t be basing your life off of what I might want in several years’ time!”
Vax laughed. “Oh, but it’d be so easy. I could always just blame you if things went wrong.”
“Nu-uh,” Keyleth said sternly. “You better figure out what you want for yourself.”
“Is that a threat?”
“Definitely. You should be scared.” She pushed the styrofoam box of fruit over to him. “Here, try the strawberries, they’re really good!”
Vax took one, but eyed Keyleth suspiciously. “Kiki, are you trying to get me to eat healthily?”
“I would never.” Keyleth replied, eyes wide and innocent. “Why would you ever think that?” She paused, then: “Vax? Why did we… come here?”
Vax looked around. “The park?”
“No, here, specifically.” Keyleth shot him a sly smile. “There’s many other nice places in Emon.”
“I’ve always found this one to be extra nice. Extra special, so to speak.”
Keyleth let her eyes wander, over the tree above them to the open stretch of grass right before them and Vax knew she was flashing back to the night over Civilization’s Dawn just like he was, the glow of the bonfire, grass beneath them, stars above.
“How so?” she asked.
“I-“ Vax took her hand, slowly and deliberately linked his fingers with hers, avoiding her eyes. “This is the spot where I realized I was falling for you.”
“Oh?” Keyleth asked lightly. Vax looked up just in time to see her eyes widen. “Oh. That’s… I didn’t, well, I didn’t realize it was this early on.”
Vax leaned over and pressed a kiss to her temple. “Well, in all honesty, it took me a lot longer to admit to myself but looking back… yeah. That was the moment.”
Keyleth held his gaze, but Vax could see the blush creeping up her face. “I really had no idea you were in love with me for that long,” she admitted.
Vax let out a soft laugh. “What can I say, you had me hooked from the start. When, I mean, when did you know?”
“Hm.” Keyleth wound her hair around her finger with her free hand, the other still clasping Vax’s. “Honestly? I don’t know. I just… There was a point where I realized that I wanted to be more than friends, but the second I realized that, I knew that it wasn’t a new feeling? I’d been feeling like that for a while, but I’ve never been able to pinpoint when it really… started.”
“That’s fair.” Vax gently kissed her temple again. “So, I’ve been thinking.”
“Yeah?”
“Say Vex moves in with Percy. You might not want to stay at the dorm either with your roommate gone, and I won’t be in uni anymore, so I’ll have to find somewhere new to stay anyways, and… We could move in together, couldn’t we? I mean,” he added quickly, “I know we haven’t been together that long, but by the end of next semester… maybe it’s not as insane of an idea?”
“I- uh.” Keyleth sat up straighter and Vax could feel her hand tense in his. Fuck. That had been too much. Typical him. In an attempt not to self-sabotage his relationship before it could get too serious, he had overcorrected and was making it too serious too quickly.
“I’d like that, I think.” Keyleth said suddenly. “I’m sorry,” she added, “I’m- I guess I’m a little new to this all, but… It sounds like a good idea. And the two of us can probably afford a nicer place, right?”
“Oh, exactly, that’s what I was thinking! And, honestly, I don’t see us breaking up anytime soon.” He grinned. “I hope we stay together for a long time, because I like you very much.”
Keyleth laughed. “I like you a lot, too. I- Yeah, maybe that’s a good plan that we can revisit once we get a little closer to… everything.”
“Of course.” Vax shot her a smile. “No need to plan everything now, right?”
Still, that didn’t stop the warm feeling in him. The idea of living with Keyleth, coming home to her every day, cooking together. Falling asleep next to her. Having a life with her. For all the talk of an uncertain future, this was just about the best version of a life he could imagine.
Keyleth nodded. “Right, yeah. Here.” She reached for one of the boxes and held a small pastry out to him. “Blueberry Cupcake?”

Chapter Text

“Are you sure that’s what you want?” Vax lightly tugged on Keyleth’s hair. “That is really short, you know. Do you want it that short for sure?”
Keyleth nodded, then reconsidered. “Well, I don’t know. Do you think it’ll look bad that short?”
“No not at all.” Vax shrugged. “I’m just saying, Pike is picking you up in what, like an hour? If it looks bad, we won’t have time to fix it. And it is a big change to how you wear it now.”
Keyleth nodded again. “Big change is what I want.” The words immediately made her heart jump up to her throat, but for once it felt more like anticipation than panic. “Except.” She turned half around to look at Vax who was still fiddling with her hair, put into a nice, neat braid. “Are you sure it’s a good idea to cut it with that dagger?”
“Hm.” Vax picked up the small, straight edged weapon lying next to him on the bed and slowly, deliberately, ran his thumb over the blade. “It’s sharper than any pair of scissors I have, so it’s the best shot you’ll get at a clean cut. From me at least, but maybe you’re right. Gods know I know my way around a dagger, but hair is a different thing. Maybe I shouldn’t be the one doing this.”
“No!” Keyleth immediately disagreed. “No, don’t worry, dagger is fine! Just get it off, please, I can still go to a hairdresser if it end up looking bad.”
She had been putting off the big haircut for weeks now because Vax was right. It was a big change that she couldn’t take back if she ended up hating it. But now that she’d finally gotten over herself and asked Vax to help her cut it, she was scared that if she stopped now, she’d never do it and no matter how she looked at it, the hair had to come off. It was already quite mild out, the small green buds on the trees outside of Vax’s window promising a warm spring and that alone should have been enough of a reason to get rid of some hair, but that wasn’t it, not really. At her therapist’s recommendation, she’d started taking anxiety medication about a month ago and for the first time in a very long time, things were really looking up. It was such a relief to not always have to be on guard from her own brain, always anticipating the new wave of debilitating anxiety that Keyleth found herself enjoying things that would have been unthinkable a few months ago. Spontaneous trips to town with Pike. Not thinking about uni for an entire day. Calling her dad just to chat. And yet. She still got stressed, and when she did, her hair had the mysterious power to reliably push her to the brink of anxiety just by being in her face too much and there was no way she was letting this little thing hold her back when she was making this much progress otherwise, just because she was scared of a little change.
“Alright?” Vax asked.
Keyleth nodded, but squeezed her eyes shut for good measure. “Go.” She could feel the dagger’s blade slash through her hair, but it was over so quickly that she knew it must’ve been a clean cut just like Vax had promised.
“Okay done.” Vax said. Eyes still squeezed shut, Keyleth gently shook her head, then paused in surprise. Her head felt so much lighter, no hair pulling at her scalp, nothing touching her back or neck or shoulders. Oh gods. Just how much had Vax cut off? What if he was right and it did look terrible?
“You can look now,” Vax said quietly, but Keyleth could hear the suppressed laughter in his voice. It couldn’t be that bad, right?
Slowly, she opened her eyes and found Vax holding his phone camera up to her.
“Oh,” Keyleth breathed.
Vax gave her a broad grin. “Right?”
Keyleth took the phone from him and gave herself a good once over. This felt good. She felt good. There was something freeing about it and it looked good, too. Sure, the hair was a little choppy around the bottom, but without the added weight, her wavy curls really shone, and Keyleth found that it framed her face really nicely.
“Fuck, you look good,” Vax said still grinning and reached out to brush a short strand of hair behind her ear.
Despite everything, Keyleth could feel blush creeping up her neck. “Thanks! And- well, thanks for… doing this for me.”
“Anytime. So, are you feeling better?”
Keyleth nodded enthusiastically. “Like, so much. My head feels so light.”
“Maybe you should have some water, then.” Vax teased. “Wouldn’t want you to faint.”
“Psh, and that coming from you.” Keyleth lightly nudged his shoulder, then got up to look at herself in the narrow, but floor length mirror mounted to the side of Vax’s closet.
Admiring it like that, in full length, she suddenly felt sure that this had been the right decision. Even in her plain yellow shirt and her favorite jeans, the baggy, cuffed ones with flowers embroidered on the side, she thought she looked more grown up now. No, that wasn’t it. She looked like herself. Lately, she’d been feeling like a lot of things about her had changed, in a good way. She’d grown as a person, something she was quite proud of, and it was almost like her looks had finally caught up with how she was feeling on the inside. It was like a weight had been lifted off her.
She turned to look at Vax over her shoulder, unable to keep the smile off her face. “What do you think? Do you like it?”
Vax wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her against him, like he so often did. “I love it,” he murmured into her hair, then he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I love you.”
Instantly, Keyleth’s stomach dropped and all the happy, light feelings that’d been bubbling up inside her seemed to have burned away. No, no, no. This couldn’t be happening, not right now, she couldn’t-
“Oh, hey, no, it’s alright. Don’t panic, please.” Vax interjected. When Keyleth continued to gape at him, he let out a little laugh. “Hey now, deep breaths.”
Keyleth blinked, then complied. “Okay. Hey, I-“ She swallowed heavily. How did she tell him that there was no way she could say it back, that she didn’t feel ready?
Vax seemed to have read her thoughts. “You don’t have to say it back right now. No pressure.” He said, his arms still around her waist, comforting despite everything, “Don’t worry, okay? I just want you to know how I feel.”
Keyleth nodded, relief slowly washing over her. “I think I just… Your heart has had a little more practice that mine so… I think it’s gonna take me a while longer before I can… say that. But I think I’m on the same path.”
Vax laughed. “That’s a nice way of putting it.”
Keyleth could feel the smile creep back onto her face. “I- thank you. For… telling me.” Now that the initial shock had settled, there was a new feeling, light and giddy and happy and so wonderful because Vax loved her. He loved her and that meant he was here and perfect and he wasn’t leaving. Suddenly overcome by all her bubbling feelings, Keyleth flung her arms around Vax’s neck and pulled him into a deep kiss.