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They say that time was supposed to heal wounds. They say that he’ll get over it, that he needs to let go. It was felt like the same thing when Obi-Wan went on that undercover mission – where he thought death parted them. Yes, there was the Force, but it’s not the same as having the man that knew him from (nearly) the start, alive and next to him. The Council may have forced the removal of the beads, but they couldn’t force the removal of his bond with her. It still hummed; she was still alive. But its color was faint from disuse. Well, he only used it now, sending his emotions every day. He looked out of the ship’s windows, watching the stars fall behind. They assigned him a mission almost immediately after she left, hoping it’d distract him. But standing without her on the bridge only reminded him of her absence more acutely. She was out there somewhere. Coruscant, maybe, but knowing her, she’d leave the planet. Said that the music was wrong. He reached down and touched the thread. It glowed a little bit more brightly. He whispered to the Force, hoping that she could hear him, Where are you now?
When the Jedi first invited her to return to their ranks, Ahsoka wanted to accept. Yes, she was disillusioned with the Jedi, and maybe she would have stayed to see if the Jedi would make… amendments. But she heard the Force calling her elsewhere, somewhere out there in the galaxy. It was one of the few times since the war started that the music sounded so clear, real. Not haunted. Maybe she should have at least better explained it to her master, but knowing Anakin, they were bound to run into each other one day.
She somehow ended up at Padmé’s apartment. It wasn’t the first time she’s been there, and the guards did have standing order from the Senator to allow her entry (when she was not a wanted fugitive). She stayed the night, for she had now where else to go. Padmé offered her work on her security team, but she had to leave the planet.
“Thank you for your offer,” she answered with a small smile. “I’m afraid that I cannot accept.”
“I thought as much,” the older woman said, but didn’t stop there. “I am not sure if you are aware of this, but Mandalore recently fell. Almec apparently is Prime Minister once again.”
The news brought a pang to her heart – in those short weeks, she had grown attached to the culture. It helped her better connect with the clones, her brothers, in those early days of the war. She was so young, so naïve then, but she learned so much. And the people too. Duchess Satine, Korkie, the other cadets. The Death Watch several months later– she still remembered her run in with them. It was not a favorite recollection. She asked quietly, “How do you know?”
“I have met and worked with Duchess Satine in the past,” the Senator responded simply.
Ahsoka thought a moment, testing the idea with the Force. There were no warning bells, no black-tinged flashing colors. She murmured softly, “I suppose I ought to make my way there.” At the Senator's insistence, she took her private shuttle to Naboo. From there, another ship, one that was older and less distinctive, was lent to her.
That was…a while ago. She didn’t like thinking about how much time it’s been since she left the only family she really knew. She felt a nudge in that bond she refused to acknowledge since she left. She usually could ignore those nudges. But then, a whisper of questioning, concerned notes. With a sigh, she sent a single pulse of recognition. She still felt his sense of betrayal - abandoning him to face the Jedi and this war alone.
Since then, she managed to make her way towards the Mandalore system, specifically Kalevala. She’s been in the shadows, officially working as a mechanic on Bo-Katan’s ship. Unofficially, however…
Her attention turned back to the present when she felt someone touch her shoulder. She looked up to see Bo-Katan staring at her. “You didn’t hear a word I just said,” was the dry comment.
“Sorry,” she apologized. “It’s hard to believe everything that’s happening right now.”
She focused again on their plans to extricate Satine and Korkie. Apparently, Korkie decided to run his own plan, and of course he got himself captured. How did she manage to get into a situation that involved a boy and the Death Watch (experience makes a man, as Rex would say) …again?
Anakin fiddled with her lightsabers, again. He couldn’t help it. The crystals did not exactly call out to him. They were Ahsoka’s, but he felt their draw. He held them often, almost cradling them as he drifted off to uneasy sleep. Their song was so like her Force presence. After all the crystals reflected their carrier.
With all the horrors that only seemed to increase in frequency these last few days, weeks, he found it relaxing to tinker with bits of metal. He didn’t mean to change her sabers in the first place. But with all the scrap metal he had from tinkering with different droids and equipment, he somehow managed to create two new casings. Whiter than her old ones. The layout of the buttons remained the same, but the wiring and all the mechanics was more efficient. Made with better materials and an expert hand. He carefully removed the crystals from the old sabers and dropped them into their new casing. He ignited them – the familiar green replaced by blue. Blue like her stripes, like her faithfulness, like all the good people in his life. He felt the Force wash over him gently, giving him a taste of peace.
She crept through the vents – they were her specialty after all. Bo-Katan lent her Mandalorian gear (techy gadgets) to increase her chances for success. (They couldn’t do a helmet that worked with her montrals and lekku, but she told them that it’d be fine). The plan was reasonably solid with just a little bit of wiggle room. Bo-Katan couldn’t risk all her Nite Owls on this mission – only the best would do. The commlink buzzed as different Owls reported their updates. All she needed was to find and free Korkie, then find a Death Watch member roughly Korkie’s size. She felt a slight disturbance in the Force, like a drop in a bucket. Ripples washed over her.
She found Korkie soon enough in a different sector from his aunt. Of course, it did not take long to free him. They dashed through the shadows in the halls until they ran into a Death Watch guard. She focused on the com-system and sound system, disrupting the frequencies, as she made short work of the man. She was glad that Korkie didn’t intervene this time, but she felt his nervous energy vibrating in the Force. Once he put on the armor, he turned and shot the guard.
As they jetted off, she hissed, “What was that for? He didn’t need to die.”
“He saw you,” the young man answered simply. “Maul would have found out.”
They had no time to argue about the morality of his decision because he was right. They also had places to be. (If the Mandalorians kept cameras in the prison, well, that would have to be a problem for later.) They first heard, then spotted the other part of the escape plan, dashing ahead with the Death Watch in pursuit. Anakin had to get his penchant for drama from someone.
“Drop down lower,” she commanded Korkie. “You’ll see Owls waiting on a ship below the landing pad.” He nodded in response, removing and dropping his helmet. She sped forward and as she approached, several specialized smoke bombs set off, obscuring their enemies’ vision. She heard Bo-Katan call out, “Go! Go! Go!” Ahsoka flew straight into the ship Obi-Wan brought, landing in the cockpit. It was a mess. Sparks flew as she pressed buttons and pulled levers. How on earth did Obi-Wan manage to get here in this thing? It was practically falling apart. She shrugged – she just needed to get it off the platform. It groaned as it lifted off and began to move away, until she felt the ship jolt. A thundering roar as metal crumbled from the blow. Time to go. She jumped off as the systems sparked dangerously, catching fire. Hopefully, the chaos of an exploding ship would hide her escape from the doomed spacecraft.
She connected with another Nite Owl, and they returned to Kalevala. She learned that both Satine and Korkie were sent to get some food and rest after the whole ordeal. As for Obi-Wan, they were preparing a ship to take back to a Republic-controlled world since the one he brought was out of service. She felt the notes of resolution in the Force; a song had shifted keys; now she was needed elsewhere.
“Thank you, Lady Tano,” Bo-Katan began. "With Maul still on the throne, Mandalore is not yet free from the hold of the Shadow Collective."
She smiled, “It was my honor to serve Mandalore once more. As much as I wish to assist you in freeing Mandalore, I am afraid that I cannot."
Bo-Katan nodded, musing, "I suppose that House Kryze cannot stand alone if another civil war dawns. Perhaps in a few months time, then, you might consider providing your expertise and aid?
Ahsoka thought, "Perhaps, if the Force wills it." After making final arrangements, she set off for Coruscant where she heard two distinct bells ringing.
It’s been weeks now since he last heard from Ahsoka. Weeks since he felt her presence. The last time he felt her was on one of the towers that directed ship traffic coming in and out of the planet. It felt heavenly in that moment; their bond sparkled soothingly, but all too soon, it was gone. Something was wrong – she was probably in trouble. The war, the Council, held him back from going to her, seeking her. He went through the motion of living, of being the general that he was supposed to be. The husband he was supposed to be. The secrecy of their marriage, his fear that he'd lose his angel too gnawed at his sense of hope. Somehow, Ahsoka had managed to stave off that fear, but she was gone now. He was lost inside, a monster caged yet running wildly. He felt like he was a faded version of himself.
He sat in his quarters, turning her improved lightsabers in his hand. Echoes of the past, memories. Their first meeting when they were both young. The early days of their partnership when battles of the mind chased sleep away. His thoughts continued to fly through his mind, but he ignored their whispers. Focus. He heard the ship’s engine thrumming steadily. Every now and then, a battalion trooped passed his door. Distant voices. He smelled nothing but the sterile chemicals used to clean the room. A tinge of oil and metal on his clothes. He needed a real bath at some point. His tastebuds only told him of his last meal – a few ration bars. His sweat. The little bit of dust that clung to him. He felt the metal beneath his boots, the rough texture of his robes, an emptiness inside him. When he opened his eyes, he saw her in the Force. A swirl of color in his ocean. A melody of notes. Birds calling, sabers humming. Gentle beauty hiding the undercurrent of her deadly skills. The Order could not take away the Force from her. She had died once, and a presence lived on through her. She was more than the Order – and they were blind to it.
He breathed out the question he asked nearly every night since she left him. Where are you now?