Archive of Our Own ^beta

Sana trudged into the building, still annoyed that she, as an adult, was having to go to the public library. The ceiling was tall and her footsteps echoed with every step up the stairs. Her thoughts swirled as she continued up. Was she doing the right thing? Were there alternative options?

“I know what you’re thinking, and it’s because we are not allowed to unionize during work hours or at our place of work so this was the next best thing. Also, they were the only ones available on short notice. And yes, it’s important that we do this because it matters.” Jihyo was Sana’s work wife, who always knew what was on her mind, as evidenced by this specific moment among others. In the hustle and bustle of the tech startup, they had found a quiet place in each other.

They had both been at their company for around four years, Jihyo having been there a couple months longer. On Sana’s first day she was struggling to get the copy machine to work, and of course Jihyo came to the rescue. They had a laugh and they’ve been friends ever since, favorites of most people at the office and always on top of the gossip and company policy changes. As informed as they were, nothing prepared them for what was coming. 

Last week, their CEO had announced a repeal in benefits: cutting vacation time, forcing everyone to return to the office after working from home for three years, demanding unpaid overtime, and some jarring comments about a woman’s ability to work as well as a man. This caused a lot of anger among the employees, mostly impacting those who were parents or who had health issues, and the women of the company were rightfully very upset. Since Sana was known and loved by everyone in the office, she was the one who had started reaching out to people to collect numbers and start this support force of employees to discuss next steps. And while Sana cared very deeply about these issues, no one was as good at organizing as Jihyo. She was a project manager, after all. Together, they had decided to host the event at the library, hoping that there would be no moles in their midst. 

“What if no one shows up?” Sana asked, a little nervous that perhaps they had been blindsided by their own rage and people weren’t as upset as they had thought. 

“Don’t worry, we talked to everyone and most importantly, we listened. The concern is there for at least twenty people,” Jihyo assured her, patting her back. And it was true, she had sat with dozens of people, listened to their grief, and offered a shoulder to cry on. The circumstances of their workplace were getting to be too much for everyone, and they could not continue working like this.

When they got to the room, they immediately started setting up chairs. The room was kind of small since it was a last minute booking, but the company was also small and they had set up a Zoom room for those who wanted to attend virtually. The metal chairs screeched as they unfolded them, gently setting them on the carpeted floor. There were windows all around and the light was coming in even though it was almost eight in the evening. 

Jihyo had a plan. They had discussed how this first meeting would be lighter, so they could vet the attendees and make sure no one would snitch on their plans, whatever that ended up being. The meeting would not be recorded, and they would not do a sign up sheet just yet for everyone’s safety. Sana was always impressed with how far ahead Jihyo thought, but in this moment she was extra grateful. The clock was ticking down and people started trickling in, some people that Sana had never even seen before. Her heart started racing as she went to greet everyone, as did Jihyo. 

When the clock struck eight, both Sana and Jihyo made their way to the front as a hush fell across the attendees. They had decided Sana would start the meeting with the concerns, and Jihyo would follow up with solutions. 

“Hey everyone, and thanks for coming. I know it’s a lot to ask of everyone to be here on a week night away from your families, but this is something that matters to us, and we know matters to a lot of you.” Sana took a deep breath as she looked at her friends and colleagues. She could see the fatigue etched into each of their faces. She noticed a girl with shoulder length brown hair sneak in, who did a small wave to Jihyo as she sat down. “Jihyo and I have talked to a lot of you, and I just wanted to say that I know this sucks. It makes no business sense to demand all this unpaid labor from us, and expect us to be okay with it. And it gets worse when they remove the flexibility that allows us to do our jobs well, and there’s no data that supports their decision making. We are people first, employees second. I know we all care about the people here, and that is what hurts the most, is watching you all suffer because one man’s ego is impacting each of our lives so deeply.”

There were cheers and applause from the audience as Sana wrapped up her speech and passed the mic to Jihyo, who went into how they would start by supporting those who wanted to stay, and those who wanted to go. However, all the sound in the room disappeared as Sana locked eyes with that same brown haired girl from earlier. Her gaze softened as she realized the girl was crying, and she turned back to Jihyo. 

“For those who want to leave the company, know that we still care about you and want the best for you. It is difficult to ask people to stay, and so we will support you as best we can. We will start by doing some resume building sessions and reviewing for each other, while also endorsing each other on LinkedIn. Please make sure to connect with each other so our networks can help boost our friends. For those who want to stay, I do think a protest of sorts is in order. We will also explore other avenues to raise awareness of the problem. In the meantime, it is important to check in with one another and see how everyone is doing. There is strength in numbers, so the more people we find to join our cause, the better. We do need to move quietly, because the company does have the power to let us go when it wants to, for less reasons than staging a protest.” 

Sana always admired how strong of a public speaker Jihyo was, and she watched as the room became hopeful, something she thought they had lost during this terrible time. They took some questions from the crowd, listening and sympathizing but also acknowledging the heaviness of the issue and their lack of power in the situation as a whole. It was times like this that Sana wished that people in power would just stop and realize their impact on others, and how negatively it could affect them. She knew she needed to stay strong for these people, and that is what she intended to do. She loved her coworkers dearly, they had gone through some tough times together and she would always be grateful for the support they had shown her.

As the meeting ended and people started signing up for sessions and to keep in touch, Sana found herself meeting more people around the company, which she enjoyed. She then saw the brown haired girl approach Jihyo from across the room. 

“Sorry, would you excuse me?” Sana said to the man she was talking to. He gave her a quick nod and turned to someone else, while Sana locked in on her next destination and moved swiftly.

“Oh, Sana! This is Nayeon, she’s been here for almost two years? She’s on one of the teams I work with,” Jihyo said happily, gesturing to the girl. Sana’s breath got caught in her chest, somehow this girl was even more stunning up close. 

“Nice to meet you. I really appreciated what you said earlier, I’m so embarrassed that I cried!” Nayeon said, blushing a little under Sana’s gaze. 

“Oh, don’t apologize for that. It’s been a hard time for everyone, I am just glad you’re here,” Sana replied, a big smile on her face. Jihyo gave her a look, and then continued talking to Nayeon about some campaign that the team was working on. Sana then got pulled away into other conversations, actively taking notes on the things being said and the concerns of her coworkers. However, every once in a while she would look up and see Nayeon looking at her, and then look away. 

Strange, Sana thought to herself. 

As the people left the meeting, Jihyo and Sana discussed things they had learned and what next steps might be. Or rather, Jihyo rattled off her plans while Sana couldn’t shake her thoughts of a certain girl. 

“So, what did you think of Nayeon?” Jihyo chuckled as she saw a flash of pink color Sana’s face. 

“I wasn’t thinking about her!” Sana replied quickly. 

“That’s not what I asked but that is good to know,” Jihyo said with a laugh. “Anyways I have some ideas I’d like to run past you, I feel really good about this, Sana.”

“Great, honestly I feel the same,” Sana smiled. She trusted Jihyo and knew that she would do everything she could to help their colleagues get the respect they deserved as people, not just cogs in a machine. 

-

Over the next couple weeks, Sana found herself getting pulled into more and more conversations with people in the office. While not everyone had returned to the office yet, the majority had since they needed to keep their jobs. Everyone had separate concerns, but overall the sentiment was the same. This sucked. Despite the overall negative vibes, Sana enjoyed talking to everyone. It kept her mind off how burnt out she was with everything required of her, and she hoped that it was just as much of a bright spot for them as it was for her. It was one of these days that Sana found herself washing her hands in the bathroom when Nayeon walked in. 

“Oh, Sana, right?” Nayeon asked quickly, stopping to wave. 

“Yeah, hi Nayeon,” Sana smiled, continuing to wash her hands even though all the bubbles had disappeared. “How’s it uh going?”

“Oh, you know, I’m here. Got a mortgage to pay!” Nayeon replied with a laugh and walked into a stall. “Well I’ll see you around.”

“For sure, for sure,” Sana said while waving, then realized Nayeon could not see her waving. She quickly left the bathroom, slapping her hand and silently cursing herself for being so dumb. 

Over the next couple days, Sana started seeing Nayeon everywhere. She prided herself on knowing everyone in the office, how could she not have noticed this girl until now? She was in conference rooms when she walked by, in the break room, around the corner when she got to work. It was like when Sana learned the word “intrigue” and suddenly it was everywhere, but this time with a person. It’s not like she minded though, she had finally stopped stuttering and the small talk was slowly getting better. She learned that Nayeon had a dog, she liked Taylor Swift, and often spent her time avoiding conflict. The last one was something Sana had gathered from her discussions around some work issues. 

“So do you want to come to my team lunch? Nayeon will be there,” Jihyo asked with a raised eyebrow in the copy room. Sana whipped around, flyers pinned to the corkboard fluttering from the speed she spun at. 

“Will you please lower your voice!” Sana whisper yelled, giving Jihyo a small shove as the other girl laughed. 

“We’ve already read through the employee handbook, they don’t have any rules on dating and the main issue would be power dynamics. Y’all aren’t even on the same team let alone the same department.” Of course that was Jihyo’s approach to the problem, check the rules and see where they could bend them if necessary. 

“You said you wouldn’t bring that up again,” Sana whined. Her cheeks flushed as she remembered the hour she had spent with Jihyo, pouring over pages of legal jargon to see if dating within the company was allowed. Based on what they read, and with a little help from their friend Jeongyeon in the legal department, it was fine.

“You’re such a rule follower sometimes,” Jihyo scoffed. Sana rolled her eyes, changing the subject. 

“Won’t that be awkward though? I’m not even on your team?” Sana hated the idea of being in an awkward situation, but she hated the idea of being in an awkward situation uninvited even more. And she wasn’t even sure if she wanted to be there, spending time with Nayeon felt exciting but also horrifying. Her head felt a little cloudy.

“Nah, Chaeyoung from design is always there because she likes to hang out with us, and sometimes she will bring Dahyun, too. And both of them came to the meeting the other night so they are chill.” 

“Ok, sure!” Sana felt a tinge of nervousness. She hadn’t really interacted this closely with Nayeon, but she was hoping it wouldn’t be weird. 

-

Sana sat down with her lunch next to Jihyo, watching the other members of the team chat with each other. The vibes were ok despite the overall climate of the office, which everyone in the room seemed to appreciate. Nayeon had politely waved at her when she walked in, easing a tension in Sana’s chest that she hadn’t been aware of. 

“Ok everyone, welcome to our team lunch. Let’s do some team building!” Of course Jihyo was in charge here, too. “I’m going to pair you up and you’re going to answer these questions: what did you have for dinner last night? What was the last movie you saw? And if you had 24 hours left to live, what would you do?”

Sana said a silent prayer that she would be paired up with Nayeon, but when Jihyo winked at her, she knew that God is a woman (perhaps shorter than most would imagine) and she does answer prayers. Jihyo went around assigning everyone partners, and finally there was only Sana and Nayeon left. 

“Well I guess it’s just us then!” Sana exclaimed. When she looked at Nayeon, she noticed the way she threw her head back when she laughed, like she didn’t have a care in the world. The sound echoed in Sana’s mind, and she wished she could record it to play back because she was certain it had healing properties. She saw little bunny teeth peeking through pink lips and for a second, a flutter hit her chest, which she quickly pushed away. 

“Seems like it! For dinner last night I had chicken noodle soup, the last movie I watched was 500 Days of Summer, and if I had 24 hours left to live I would go see Taylor Swift on tour again,” Nayeon said quickly, not a hint of doubt in her response, leaning back in her chair and adjusting her sleeves. Sana was surprised that she answered all the questions in one go, but she did not question it.

“Oh wow, ok I have so many questions but let’s see. I had ramen for dinner, the last movie I watched was the Barbie movie, and with 24 hours I would go to the beach and hang out with my friends,” Sana replied. She noticed the way Nayeon’s eyes flickered to her lips. “Is that your favorite movie or something, it’s old right? And you said see Taylor again, when did you see her, was it the most recent tour?”

“My favorite movie is actually Perks of Being a Wallflower but I do really like 500 Days of Summer. And yes I went and saw her in LA it was incredible, are you a swiftie too? And is there a specific ramen you like?” Nayeon was leaning towards Sana, and she could smell the light vanilla perfume Nayeon put on everyday that was quickly becoming a smell she wished she could swim in. 

“Oh I love that movie so much, Emma Watson does a terrible American accent but we love her anyways. And I saw her in New York, she is INCREDIBLE. I honestly blacked out during the concert so I totally get why you would want to see her again. The ramen I had is this black garlic tonkotsu, it’s amazing if you haven’t had it.” Sana wanted to tell her everything, how hard work was, how much she liked the way Nayeon cared, and how much she loved Emma Watson. 

And from this point on, the two of them did not stop talking. Sana was surprised how easy it was, it came so naturally. They would Slack each other with work related things, talk in the break room, and eventually they even exchanged numbers. It went on like this for weeks until finally Jihyo said something. 

“So are you ever going to ask her out?” Sana sat in stunned silence, as if Jihyo had just asked her to choose between ending poverty or killing her mom. Jihyo just laughed. “Y’all have been talking non-stop, don’t you think it’s time to move things along?”

“What? Do you think she likes me?” Sana was genuinely puzzled. Their conversations were friendly but she wasn’t really sure Nayeon was giving that kind of energy. She was notoriously bad at picking up on things like this though. 

“You’re joking, right? Most of the office is catching on at this point.”

“Shut up, they do not know!” 

“Ok sure, no one knows and especially not you. Wake up and think about it, Sana. You talk all the time. You’ve started walking by her desk to catch a glimpse of her, and you know when to walk by because I’ve seen you check her calendar. She laughs really hard at your jokes, even the ones that aren’t funny. And she touches you on the shoulder and arm from time to time.” 

“Hey I am funny most of the time! I don’t know, do we even know that she likes women? And even if she does, why me? I ju-”

“No we are not going to shit talk you right now so just stop that train right now, you know the drill.” A couple months ago, their company had a mandated training on imposter syndrome. As a result, they had decided that if either of them said something bad about themselves, the other would call them out to say two nice things. Jihyo had gotten much better but Sana was clearly still working on it. 

“Ugh ok I am smart and I look really good in this shirt, anyways I don’t think she likes me, Hyo,” Sana shrugged. She really didn’t think so. Or, at least she wasn’t prepared for the idea that Nayeon might like her back. 

“Denial is a river in Egypt and I guess only one of your nice things is true, but I will not press on this issue further then,” Jihyo said as she walked away. 

“Wait, which one-”

The next couple days, Sana spent pondering this question. On the one hand, everything Jihyo said seemed to be true. She had paid a little more attention to the giggling and the touching, and sometimes the texts seemed to lean a little flirty. But just thinking about the potential of Nayeon liking her had her heart racing, and she was not sure what to do next. Was she expected to ask her out? And what if she was wrong about this? 

She did like Nayeon, a lot. Everything she learned made her like her more. She liked the way Nayeon giggled at her jokes, the way she shared fun facts about herself randomly, and how she smiled at her when they saw each other down the hall. Sana was smitten, there was no doubt about it. Even thinking about Nayeon as she lay in her bed, she had a goofy grin on her face, a warmth in her chest. Shit . 

Sana ran her hands through her hair and let out a deep sigh.  

-

Sana found herself at Jihyo’s apartment for a planning meeting before their next meet up at the library. Her mind was still foggy, consumed with thoughts of Nayeon, but still unsure about pursuing her. There was still the lingering question of if she liked women, but also Sana wasn’t sure she was ready to be in a relationship. She pursed her lips as she listened to the other girl talk. 

“I read online that Signal is encrypted on both ends so that would be the best place to organize. People can use pseudonyms and that way we can talk about things we see and hear,” Jihyo rattled off as she looked at her computer. Sana acknowledged it with a small hmm. 

“I think there’s also a setting in there that deletes messages after a certain amount of time, so that will come in handy,” Sana replied. She wondered what Nayeon was up to right now, but truthfully she knew, Nayeon had just sent her a picture of her walking her dog outside. Sana just wished she was there. 

“We should also have a smaller group of us, like a council so we can talk about more sensitive things as they come up.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” Sana’s body was here, but her mind was anywhere but. 

“By the way, Nayeon is queer,” Jihyo said offhandedly as she typed notes on the computer.

“Wait, what? How do you know?” Sana sat up immediately, more focused than she had been in days. 

“We were talking about our weekends in another meeting and she said she bumped into this girl she had a crush on in college,” Jihyo snickered. “Apparently she was at the mall, minding her business, when she saw her college crush. The girl comes over and greets Nayeon, who is trying so hard to play it cool. Then Nayeon put the bag she was holding on her head! Just out of nowhere! And she made a comment about how it was the same color as her face and held it there for the rest of the conversation and THEN that other girl introduced her to her girlfriend. She’s pretty awkward, the story of that whole interaction had me crying in that meeting, she is so funny.”

“That’s kind of cute, honestly,” Sana mumbled. If she was being honest, she found it very endearing. But now that she knew Nayeon was queer and that was how she acted around her crushes, things were starting to come together. 

“So are we going to talk about this now?” Jihyo shifted the laptop off her lap and onto the couch and positioned her body towards Sana. Of course Jihyo had noticed that Sana was off, and had been quietly waiting for her to be ready to talk about it. 

“Yes, Nayeon is queer. Yes, I like her. But I don’t know if she likes me?” Sana moved from her chair to lay down on the floor, rolling over so she was face down. She wished for the sky to give her answers, or for the Ikea rug to swallow her whole, but it didn’t seem like either option was likely. 

“Has she ever done anything similar to the bag incident around you?”

“Only as of recently? Like she spilled her coffee when I made a joke the other day. And one time while she was waving at me she walked into one of those glass doors. Which isn’t entirely her fault, those things are so hard to see sometimes. And then her face was super red but she might’ve just been embarrassed.” Sana looked over at Jihyo, who sat there looking expectantly at Sana. And there it was, like a microwave ticking down to the last second. “Oh shit she does.” 

“There we go. Ok, well now that you, me, and the entire office are finally on the same page, I am only going to say this once, Sana. Do not run from her. I can tell she makes you really happy, and I can see the panic in your eyes. I’ve seen you through some really rough break ups and you deserve something good. If she makes you happy, it’s worth it. Everything will work out,” Jihyo said softly. It was moments like this that Sana was really grateful for Jihyo. She had somehow managed to pacify her fears, thoughts Sana had barely confronted herself. 

“What if she breaks my heart? What if I hurt her?” Sana whispered, as if any additional volume would manifest this to the universe and allow other forces to intervene. She wasn’t superstitious, but she was not willing to take any chances.  

“Then you both are human. What’s important is both parties being willing to talk things through and work on not only the easy parts. It’s about showing up even if it’s hard, and giving people the benefit of the doubt, trusting their intentions. We are going to hurt each other, but as long as the priority is the relationship, that’s what matters.”

“So that’s why you and I are still here after all this time, huh,” Sana giggled. Jihyo just smiled. “Thanks, Hyo. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

As they continued to plan for their next meeting, Sana felt more clear in her head about next steps for their work at the company, and with a certain brown haired girl. 

-

Even though she knew what she wanted to do, she wasn’t going to do it right away. No, wooing a woman was a process and Sana knew that. Or at least, that’s what she told herself in case she was actually stalling because she was scared. Sana paused as she looked into her bag, pulling her laptop onto her desk. She had brought some of the ramen she had told Nayeon about the other day with her, but now she was feeling rather sheepish about offering it to the other girl. She sighed. It was just ramen, it wasn’t that deep. She just knew that sometimes Nayeon didn’t like to exert energy after work, so ramen would be easy. Plus, Sana knew it was good and wanted to know what Nayeon thought of it. 

“What are you looking at?” Nayeon’s face popped up from behind Sana’s computer monitor, scaring her a little. “Sorry to scare you like that!” 

“Oh no, it’s ok.” Thirty seconds of bravery. Sana reached into her bag and grabbed the ramen. “I brought these for you. It’s the ramen I mentioned before, and I also brought you some of my homemade kimchi. I made it the other day, and I think it’s missing a little something still-”

“Wow really? For me?” Nayeon’s eyes glistened as she looked at Sana and then looked down at the items on the desk. It really wasn’t much to Sana, but something shifted in Nayeon.

“Yeah, I mean, if you want. I just thought maybe you’d like it.” Sana was all nerves at this point since the other girl hadn’t even moved to pick up the items on her desk, and people were starting to come in. She didn’t want other people to come in and ask for some ramen and kimchi, or worse, have Jihyo come in and tease her about this. 

“No, I do want it. I’m just really touched that you even remembered, thanks, Sana.” Nayeon went to grab all the things, but then extended her hand to touch her arm. 

“Of- of course!” Sana stammered, silently slapping herself for being nervous.

“No one’s ever done anything like this for me before.” The words came out so quietly, that if Sana hadn’t been six inches from Nayeon’s face, she would’ve missed it. 

“I hope you like it,” Sana hummed in response, smiling at the other girl, incredibly aware that her hand was still on her arm. 

“Wait, is that a tattoo?” Nayeon exclaimed, jerking Sana’s arm until she was lined up to read it. Today was a casual day at work, which luckily their work place was progressive enough to be ok with tattoos, so Sana had come in with a short sleeve blouse and a pair of jeans. “Shut up you did not get a Taylor Swift tattoo!” 

“Of course I did, ‘tarnished but so grand’ is an incredible line. It’s kind of how I see myself.” Sana remembered how scared she had been at the tattoo shop, but she had spent so much time with the tattoo artist designing it that she had to go through with it. The tattoo was on the inside of her forearm in the folklore font, wrapped in ivy. There was no color to it, but the shading was impressive. Sana loved the tattoo, because it reminded her of how far she had come, and how hard she had worked to get here. 

“I really love that, Sana. It fits you. Do you want to guess about mine?” Nayeon smirked, a sparkle of mischief in her eyes. 

“Did you get ‘pathological people pleaser’ as a tramp stamp?” Sana feigned thoughtfulness as Nayeon gave her a playful shove, both laughing.

“How dare you, I am a woman of taste!” 

“Ok, ok. Tell me where and what it is then.”

“It’s on my ribs and I got ‘forever is the sweetest con.’” Sana wasn’t sure what to make of it because while she did love that song, the lyrics held a very specific sadness to her. 

“Cowboy like me, that really is taste. What does that mean to you?”

“Well, I got it when I was going through a really tough time. But it’s a reminder to me that nothing really lasts forever, even if we want it to.” Nayeon looked to be on the brink of tears and Sana’s eyes softened. She wanted to reach out and hug the girl, but she didn’t know if that was appropriate. 

“I’m sorry to hear that,” Sana started until she was cut off by the other girl, who had started grabbing her items off the desk. 

“Don’t be, it’s just the reality of existence. I’ll let you know what I think of these, thanks again, Sana.” As she walked away, Sana couldn’t help but wonder what depths Nayeon held, and what it would take to break through.     

-

The day of the next protest meeting was here, and somehow there were even more people than before. Jihyo solicited feedback on how things were going with LinkedIn, and sent around a sign up sheet for the Signal chat they would be starting to discuss their plans to make change. Sana felt really good about this plan. They had talked through several different ideas and would be discussing with the larger group to get buy-in. Things were still tense at the office, now that everyone was expected to be in the office full time. Productivity was low, and their numbers were down. Sana found herself chatting with several of her coworkers after the meeting, animatedly telling them about her trip to San Diego in a couple weeks. 

“That sounds really fun!” Sana would recognize that voice anywhere. She quickly wrapped up her story and waved goodbye to her coworkers, turning to a smiling Nayeon. 

“How did you like the meeting?” Sana asked.

“I’m excited to get started and do things, you know? I’m tired of all this.” Nayeon’s smile wavered a little, and Sana’s heart sank. She knew Nayeon well enough by now to know that something was wrong, but she couldn’t quite figure out what.

“Yeah, I get that. Have you had dinner yet? Since I know sometimes that gets hard when you’re tired.” Sana hoped that by adding in that last part, Nayeon would see that she was paying attention. Unfortunately, it went unnoticed. 

“I actually had your ramen for dinner! With the kimchi! Have you considered starting a restaurant because it was so good, it felt like I was at a restaurant. The flavors are insane!” The shift in energy coming from Nayeon brought Sana back to life, and she blushed under the passion in the other girl’s praise. 

“I’m really glad you like it-”

“Like it? I LOVE it, like I’d do anything to experience this for the first time again.” Nayeon continued to rave, and Sana could not stop smiling. She noticed that Nayeon talked a lot with her hands, and how her eyes went wide when she was excited. She couldn’t help but chuckle at how emphatically Nayeon had started discussing kimchi. 

“Haha ok, well what are you up to for the rest of tonight?” Sana said quickly. 

“Oh I have to go home and take care of my dog and do some cleaning. What about you?” Sana felt uneasy about this, already bracing for a rejection. She had to remind herself that she could do this, and even though it wasn’t her original plan, it was still ok. 

“I was hoping that maybe you might be free to build a playlist together over the phone later?” She originally wanted to do it over dinner, but Sana didn’t want to overstep and this seemed like a good alternative.

“I’ve never done that before but sure! I’ll call you when I’m done? It’ll probably be an hour though.” Nayeon placed her hand on Sana’s arm, and it felt like she had come into contact with the sun. 

“Yeah, that sounds great! I’ll talk to you later!” Sana waved as Nayeon left. Her heart was beating rapidly in her chest, she couldn’t believe she had stuck the landing. She started quickly putting the chairs away, getting the room cleaned up so she could make her exit. 

“Someone’s in a good mood,” Jihyo jeered playfully as she snuck up behind Sana, rhythmically tapping her shoulders and jumping around. 

“Stoppp I have to put all the chairs away because I have a phone call with Nayeon at some undetermined time tonight!” Sana squirmed away, continuing to fold and stack the chairs. 

“What do you mean undetermined??” Jihyo asked as she joined Sana’s cause. 

“Well, she said she would call me after she took care of her dog which is probably a couple different things. Maybe in half an hour? An hour? I think she told me but I don’t remember.”

“Oh, ok. Let’s get these chairs put away then!” Sana ran over and gave Jihyo a hug. 

“Thank you. For supporting me and pushing me to get here, I wouldn’t have done this without you.”

“Best for the best, am I right?” Jihyo grinned. 

-

Sana couldn’t help the smile that appeared on her face when her phone lit up with Nayeon’s contact information. She let it ring twice before picking up the call. 

“Hello?” Sana got up from the bed and went over to her desk and opened up her laptop. 

“Hey, Sana! How’s it going?”

“Oh, you know, just getting things ready for tomorrow. How’s Kookeu?”

“You would not believe, he is on hunger strike. I spent so long trying to figure it out and it turns out he doesn’t like this flavor of food? And we went for a walk, which was nice but he just wanted to pee on everything.”

“Kookeu is such a well taken care of dog, if someone were to just provide me food every day I’d be grateful!”

“Even if it was the same thing every day?”

“Well, maybe not. I can’t even meal prep and eat the same thing for five days. I think it might actually kill me,” Sana laughed. They had mostly been texting up until this point even though they worked together. She knew that Nayeon hated phone calls, so she was surprised the girl agreed. But Sana loved it, and it felt like they were the only two people who existed in the world. Or at least, no one else mattered to Sana at that moment. 

“Actually, do you remember the first time we interacted?” Nayeon chuckled to herself. 

“Uhh yeah it was probably in one of our staff meetings, right?” Sana was genuinely unsure. She knew so many people and had been there for so long, and she had gone through several life events during her time at this company.

“Oh, so you don’t remember.” Sana could hear Nayeon deflate over the phone and it crushed her. 

“Jog my memory? Please?” Please give me a chance to save this. 

“Well I had just started here, and you remember Momo, the old PR person on your team?”

“Oh yeah, I loved working with her! She was so easy to talk to.” They had worked closely on several projects, and she was one of Sana’s favorite coworkers at the time. Always chipper, always late with a coffee in hand. Momo had left to work at a different company, but they still followed each other on social media. 

“One day I asked her who her favorite person to work with on her team was, and she said you. Which was surprising because I was working with Tzuyu-“

“Ohh Tzuyu, my more intense counterpart on your team at the time.” Tzuyu was so nice but she was almost too smart. Even Sana got lost when she asked work related questions to her, so she completely understood. It was a little intimidating for sure, and she could only imagine how hard it was for a fresh Nayeon to interact with her. 

“Yeah I was so shocked that Momo had such a good relationship with you. And she was also scared of Tzuyu so she told me the next time I had a question, I should just ask you. But obviously I was shy so she set up a group chat with us. And you probably thought I was so stupid because it was an easy question, but you called me and helped me get the numbers.”

“Oh wow, well I’m glad I was helpful at least. I really don’t remember though, do you know when it was?” 

“It was two years ago in December.” Sana was shocked by the speed at which Nayeon recalled it. She tried to think of where she was mentally two years ago. And then she remembered. 

“I was in the middle of my most recent break up so… some of my memories are fuzzy. I’m sorry I can’t remember,” Sana sighed. It’s not that she didn’t want to remember. She had broken up with her ex, Mina around that time. They had been together for five years and she had fallen apart. Work had kept her together, it was something consistent that she had figured out. Very different from her relationship with her ex. 

“I see, I’m sorry that sounds tough. Hopefully I didn’t bother you with my stupid question.” Nayeon’s voice was quiet, as if gears were turning in her mind. 

“I always say there aren’t stupid questions, and truthfully I’m sure it was nice to help you. To feel useful to someone,” Sana replied with equal quiet. The words hung in the air, and Sana hoped Nayeon would pick it up and say something to keep it going. But she didn’t. 

“So, how does this work? Your playlist idea?” Nayeon asked curiously, voice returning to its usual playfulness. Sana shook it off, excited for the task at hand. 

“Let me text you the link to the playlist. I was thinking we could ask each other questions, like a song you do for karaoke or a song you never skip? What should we call the playlist?”

“I like that a lot! How about... ‘can I ask you a question’?”

I like you a lot, Sana thought to herself. 

“I think that’s great.”

They talked for three hours, and truthfully they should’ve considered the breadth of their questions before smashing it all onto one playlist. Sana asked about break up tracks, songs that Nayeon never skipped, songs from her childhood. Apparently she had a country streak, much to Sana’s dismay. She also had a year where she was only listening to female rappers. Obviously the playlist skewed heavy on Taylor Swift since they both loved her, and Sana was surprised by the range of music on the playlist. And as she hung up, all she could think about was their last prompt. 

“Ok, so we should pick a song about... us?” Nayeon asked, surprising Sana. She was impressed by how direct the other girl was being, but she also couldn’t help but feel like she was drowning. 

“I guess that would require us to uh talk about us, what do you mean?” Sana pinched the bridge of her nose, worried she had messed it up by not immediately confessing. 

“Oh well I guess I thought it was kind of obvious? That I like you?”

The silence seemed to envelope both of them as they sat on the line. Sana was about to say something when Nayeon spoke up again.

“I’m really sorry, I just thought we were on the same page but clearly we aren’t so can we just pretend like that never happened? I’m so embarrassed I-”

“No, don’t apologize, please. I like you, too. I’m just surprised because I think you’re so great, I can’t believe you like me back,” Sana laughed softly. Her heart felt like it was soaring, as if she were invincible. A requited crush was really something. 

“Oh. Well of course I like you, you’re so smart and nice. I feel really lucky honestly.”

Of course. 

“You should know that it’s not against the rules to date your coworkers, in case you were worried. Jihyo looked it up,” Sana added shyly since she knew Nayeon was also a rule follower. 

“She knows? You like me?” Sana blushed at the question as she heard the other girl laugh. 

“Yeah, she actually kind of pushed me to do this, but anyways, back to the question at hand. What’s the last song about us then?”

“Would you say you really like me?” Nayeon asked, playfulness in her voice. 

“I mean I just said I like you-”

“Do you really really like me?” Nayeon continued to tease. 

“I’m not understanding y-”

“Do you really really really really really really like me?” She sang, which Sana finally got and laughed. 

“I love that song, and yes I do so I think it’s perfect.”

“I think you’re perfect,” Nayeon teased, and Sana was grateful they had opted to not Facetime or else Nayeon would’ve seen Sana’s face turn bright red. 

Sana still couldn’t believe that someone as beautiful and accomplished as Nayeon would like her. She thought about all the moments they’d shared up until now, and wondered how things would be different moving forward. And at what point would things get serious? Could this be forever? She really didn’t know but she was looking forward to finding out.

-

Sana decided that maybe 500 Days of Summer was right about some things, in that sneaking around the office with a love interest was kind of fun and exciting. She would text Nayeon about some random favor, and they’d flirt a little. Oddly enough, their first kiss was in a meeting room. Sana had asked for Nayeon’s expertise on public relations, since that was what she did for the company. 

“You have to consider the target audience and how to appeal to them, right? So if for example you want a news network to pick this up, you have to give them a reason. Find the hook and present it to them on a platter because they’re lazy about finding headlines on their own. Are you even listening?” Nayeon had a smug grin on her face as she scooted closer to Sana, facing her as she rested her chin on her hand. 

“You are so good at your job, it blows my mind. You really thought of everything and it’s so sexy,” Sana mumbled as she started leaning in. Nayeon’s lips looked so soft, and the vanilla scent was overwhelming. She had wanted to kiss her for weeks, but now especially.  

“They don’t pay me to do nothing, I guess,” Nayeon whispered as she leaned in, too. Sana closed her eyes and when their lips connected she felt fireworks in her chest. The kiss was soft, and not long enough in Sana’s opinion, but they were both worried someone would walk by and see them. 

That was their first kiss of many around the office, even occasionally staying late or using the quiet room for their slightly more risque endeavors. Sana felt a little uneasy about it, seeing as they had really only talked up until this point. It felt like everything was moving very quickly, not that she didn’t enjoy it. She was just a little more old fashioned and thought maybe they should go on a date or something. 

One day while they were sitting across from each other in the break room, Sana figured she should ask.

“We should probably go on a date, right? Or at least do this at my house or yours?” It was a simple question, or so Sana thought.

“Oh, no. We can’t do it at my place, I just moved in so there’s not enough furniture. Or counter space. I need 4-6 months to get everything ready so it’s perfect.” Sana could tell Nayeon’s anxiety was coming through. It was funny how Sana had learned to read Nayeon’s tells already. Her cheeks were flushed and her hand was rubbing her neck. 

“It doesn’t have to be perfect, you know. I just like you for you, not for your entryway furniture,” Sana giggled as she booped Nayeon’s nose. Usually that helped, but in this case it did not. 

“No, I really can’t have you coming over while it’s in this state. I also can't leave Kookeu for that long. And that’s also not fair for me to go to your place all the time either, since you’ll have to clean all the time and that’s a lot of pressure on you.” Nayeon’s tone had taken a more serious turn, as if every thought she had ever considered was starting to snowball. Sana watched helplessly, brows furrowed as she tried to figure out what to do next. Nothing like this had happened before, so she felt adrift in deep waters. 

“I don’t mind, I just want to make sure you feel good about this? Us?” Sana asked gently, putting her hand on Nayeon’s arm, who pulled her arm back, cold air filling the space between her fingers. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I gotta go though but I’ll talk to you later?” Nayeon got up quickly, barely looking at her before walking away, leaving Sana confused and hurt. 

She didn’t see Nayeon for the rest of the day, and she also didn’t hear from her later. She heard from Jihyo that she had gone home early. Sana started to get worried, running through every word of the conversation. Had she said something wrong? She didn’t have to go to Nayeon’s house, and vice versa, she hoped she had made that clear. Maybe she had misread and things were moving too quickly? Unfortunately it was the weekend, and she hoped to hear from Nayeon soon since she couldn’t run into her at the office. 

It was weird for Sana, the distance she could feel between them. Truthfully, it was driving her crazy and she could feel her fingers twitch. They were usually texting every minute besides when they were in meetings, and she could always tell when Nayeon started missing her because she would send a Slack message. It would be a thinly veiled work question, and ultimately an excuse to talk. Nayeon even made up a problem once just to have something to talk about, which Sana would often tease her about. But Sana figured Nayeon needed space, so she should give it, right? And if she texted her, maybe it would be too much and ruin everything? So she spent the weekend fighting demons and didn’t text the other girl. 

Sunday rolled around and Sana found herself at Jihyo’s, anxiously pacing the floor as she explained the situation. 

“I’ve given her space, she should reach out to me, right? I didn’t even say anything bad, right?” Sana was walking briskly around, as if the speed she walked could bring about an answer. 

“You are like five minutes from creating a permanent indentation in my rug, I’m going to need you to sit down,” Jihyo said as she gestured to the chair. Sana sighed and sat down.

“I’m just so confused because things were going so well? And then this feels out of nowhere, she’s being so cold? You know what I’m going to text her.” And before Jihyo could stop her, Sana texted off a “hey I miss you how are you?” and then immediately threw her phone on the table. 

“Dude why did you-“

“I think there’s enough time to unsend it?”

Ding

Both of them anxiously peered over the phone, hovering over the screen that was now lit up. 

I’m fine! How are you?

“That’s it?” Jihyo asked, a small hint of annoyance in her voice. “Y’all have been talking non-stop and you’re going through withdrawals that could scare an addict and she says she’s fine? What the fuck is that?”

“Maybe she’s processing or something like-“

“You process when you address feelings, this feels like shoving them away.” Sana could hear the concern coming from Jihyo’s voice. 

“I don’t know, let me text her and see.” Sana would grow to regret these words. She spent the next hour texting back and forth, consulting with Jihyo about what was happening. Sana wanted to understand what was going on between them, and Nayeon’s words were cold and unfeeling, even though objectively they were composed and logical. It didn’t feel like the girl Sana had spent days laughing with, evenings sharing secrets with. She also never quite answered the questions Sana asked, deflecting anything remotely emotional. She sat there wondering why the contrast was so stark, why she wasn’t speaking to her the way she normally did. The absence of emotion was so clear to her, why didn’t Nayeon see it? 

“Sana, I’m so sorry. I don’t know why she’s treating you like this but I have to say I’m worried,” Jihyo said as she reached over and hugged Sana. She leaned into the contact, heartbroken over the conversation. Nayeon was convinced that they would never work out, and so she wanted to call it. Sana felt like the world had been ripped out from underneath her, trying so hard to claw her way back into Nayeon’s good graces, wondering where she had gone wrong to make Nayeon think it wouldn’t work. There were so many thoughts spiraling through her mind, and as she put them into text, Nayeon started getting mean. Her responses were short and snarky as Sana sought clarity. The answers that Sana sought were not being given, and it pulled at her chest. 

“Enough. She can’t talk to you like this, you haven’t done anything to deserve it. If you want to continue this, then you need to take a break so she can get her shit together and talk to you like an adult,” Jihyo said firmly, locking eyes with Sana, who just nodded. She sent off a text asking for space for a couple days, to which Nayeon agreed, and she threw the phone on the table again. 

As Sana started processing what had just happened with Jihyo, the phone lit up on the table, and both of them looked at it. 

I don’t know why I get this way, but I’m sorry I’m so hot and cold. I like you. I haven’t felt this way about anyone in awhile but I don’t think I can do this and it sucks because part of me does want it. I just don’t know if I can be what you need. 

Reading those words stirred something in Sana’s chest. So it wasn’t anything she had done, and Nayeon did still like her. A small red flag waved in her mind that they had discussed taking a break from talking and she had broken that already. Seeing this glimpse of vulnerability, she took it and picked up the phone, much to Jihyo’s dismay. 

“Are you sure about this?” Jihyo questioned, eyes glancing at the response Sana was already typing. 

“No, but it’s something I’ve gotta do,” Sana replied. And the conversation continued, it was like Nayeon had come back to Sana. Her Nayeon. She was talking to her like she cared, answering the questions she asked and explaining what was going on. How Nayeon’s anxiety was always so high, peering around every corner, telling her not to trust Sana. She talked about how she hadn’t been in a relationship in three years because she felt it was better to be alone, and how she wanted this so bad but she was also so scared. Of getting hurt, of needing someone. So Sana recommended they be friends first, keep it casual, at least until Nayeon felt better about it, to which she agreed. Sana felt a wave of relief wash over her body, knowing that Nayeon still liked her and they could work on this. She didn’t mind a slow pace, and she sure didn’t mind doing this for Nayeon.

-

The next couple weeks were turbulent for Sana. She found herself crying, more often than not, explaining to her friends how things had been so good with Nayeon for awhile, and then out of nowhere it would come crashing down. 

Some days Sana would show up to work and find a pastry at her desk with a cute sticky note telling her to meet Nayeon in the quiet room at 2:45. They’d have coffee runs, giggling in the back seat while sharing anecdotes of their lives. 

Some days Nayeon would ask about Sana’s exes and get upset, to which Sana would reply with affirmations, telling Nayeon there was no other girl she was thinking of except for her. Nayeon would blush and lean over to kiss Sana on the cheek. 

Some days they would stay up late talking about what their future looked like together, how much they cared for each other, how they didn’t know what it would look like to not have the other in their lives. 

Tonight was not one of those nights. 

“I don’t understand why we need to discuss this.” Nayeon was done with the conversation, and had been since it started. It was a routine phone call, even though they had spent a good amount of time together at work, Sana found that sometimes that still wasn’t enough. It was never enough. 

“Well, I want to make sure this arrangement isn’t just for me, that you are ok with it, too.” Sana had always thought of herself as a reasonable person, and wanted to make sure she brought her best self in any situation. 

“ Arrangement why do you have to be so sterile? I said it was fine,” Nayeon scoffed, her voice firm. Sana wasn’t ready to move on but felt like she had to.

“I guess that’s that then, can we talk about earlier though?”

“Talk about what?”

“When you asked what was wrong? And I said nothing? I’m sorry for that, because you were right, something was wrong. And I should’ve just talked to you-”

“Is that what this is about? It’s really ok I didn’t even notice-”

“No, it’s not because I wasn’t honest with you about my feelings.” Sana was getting frustrated. She didn’t like cutting the other girl off, but she felt like she had to in this moment. “I just had a big fight with my parents and I don’t deal with my family stuff very well. And work is piling up, and I’m still trying to help Jihyo brainstorm what our next move is. It’s all a lot and I’m really stressed and tired. And I’m sorry if I took it out on you.”

“Ok well I’m sorry that happened.” Nayeon’s tone was slightly annoyed, and it rubbed Sana in all the wrong ways.

“Why are you talking to me like this?” Sana snapped. 

“What do you mean?”

“Like you don’t care? I just apologized and told you what was going on?”

“I really don’t understand what you want me to do, because I asked earlier and you didn’t want to talk about it, so I left it alone. And then you apologized for something that I didn’t think was necessary, and now you’re telling me things that I didn’t ask for. Were you using your apology as an excuse to tell me things? You should just say it if that’s what you want, you know I don’t like when you mask your intentions.” Anger was rising in Nayeon’s voice as she was talking. 

“I apologized because I felt bad for acting off and clearly you noticed, or you wouldn’t have asked about it! And I told you what was going on because it explained why I acted that way, didn’t it? Where is the disconnect for you?” Sana’s blood was boiling. She didn’t understand why Nayeon was responding so aggressively, why she had shut down so quickly. 

“You know what, nevermind. We don’t need to be fighting like this.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean we are just friends, there’s no reason to be fighting over nothing.” Those words cut Sana deep. Sure, they were friends, but Sana wanted more. Sometimes she felt selfish for it, but she couldn’t help but want the texts to be more. The light touches to be more. The kisses to be more. And to call this a fight over nothing, when it was her feelings being discussed, that was too much. 

“Friends can fight-”

“Me and my friends don’t fight.”

“Why, because you just roll over and let them do whatever they want?” Sana had noticed that Nayeon was almost too conflict avoidant, never letting herself voice a contrary opinion in fear it would upset someone. Sana had worked hard to create a space for the girl, letting her know how much she valued her thoughts and feelings, and more than anything wanted to know what she thought. She had been fairly successful, but it was definitely still a battle. However, at this moment Sana felt a pang of guilt after she said this, recognizing that she was out of line. 

“No, because it’s not that deep and I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” And Nayeon hung up. 

Sana didn’t know what to do. So many of their conversations had been like this recently, where she would try and be vulnerable with Nayeon, and she would immediately shut it down. The beginning of their relationship hadn’t been like this at all. She had felt comfortable confiding in Nayeon, and felt very heard and cared for when she had shared her feelings before. The other girl had also shared things with Sana that she had never told anyone before, and Sana felt really special to know that Nayeon trusted her. She couldn’t figure out what had changed, why she had stopped sharing things. Had she said something to offend her? Did she need to adjust the way she brought things up? 

They had been texting good morning and good night to each other, and Nayeon had sent off a short good night earlier. Sana knew the other girl wouldn’t be asleep for another hour or so, but she brushed it off given their fight. She thought it might be easier to fight against a brick wall at this point, at least that would give at some point. Nayeon was so stubborn, never admitting she was wrong and always choosing to run before things got hard. Sana had spent hours convincing the girl to stay and talk things out, so they could handle things. She sighed as she turned off the light and turned over in bed. Maybe they could figure it out later. 

The next day, Sana went through the motions of her day, acutely aware that the cadence of their texts was off. She wanted to stop by Nayeon’s desk, but she had been in back to back meetings all day, and assumed that maybe the other girl would prefer to be left alone. She was finally able to catch her breath at lunch, where she sat down at a table with Jihyo, Dahyun, and Chaeyoung. 

“Y’all would not believe the day I had,” Sana grumbled as she took a bite of her pizza. Everyone got quiet as their eyes seemed to look past her, so she turned around.  

“Hi, can we talk?” There was Nayeon, looking at Sana with eyes she couldn’t say no to. Her demeanor was downtrodden, shoulders slumped forward, eyes puffy. Sana excused herself from the table, following Nayeon to an abandoned conference room. Nayeon sat down in a chair, gesturing for Sana to do the same, but she shook her head and stood there with her arms folded. 

“Look if you’re here to yell at me more-” Sana started, prepared for what she knew was coming. She didn’t understand why Nayeon needed to do this at work, but she figured she might as well get it over with. 

“No, Sana, I’m here to apologize.” Nayeon sounded sincere, much to Sana’s surprise. She uncrossed her arms and faced the other girl. 

“I’m listening.”

“I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that, and you were right, I was being rude to you. So I’m sorry.” Nayeon had been staring at the floor, picking at some loose fiber on her sweater, but when she looked Sana in the eyes, Sana knew she meant it. 

Sana was generally very soft, but especially for Nayeon. She couldn’t deny her anything, from work favors to singing her lullabies over the phone at night. She knew the ins and outs of Nayeon, possibly better than the girl knew herself. Sana understood where she was coming from, but even then found it hard to not be upset when things like last night happened. But she knew she cared for Nayeon more than anything, and a little fight wouldn’t change that. 

“It’s ok, I should’ve explained myself better so I’m sorry, too.”

“I made you this playlist though, you should look at it.” A smirk flashed across Nayeon’s face as she scooted closer to Sana, holding out her phone. 

“You do realize there’s only three songs on here, right?”

“Yeah...”

“And you wanted to include Justin Bieber on here?”

“Is the theme Canadians since Tate McRae is on here too? I guess IVE is on here and that’s Kpop, hmm.” It was an odd playlist for sure and Sana was more confused than ever. 

“Read the titles of the songs in order, Sana,” Nayeon laughed. It had been awhile since she had heard the other girl laugh, and it brought a sense of calm to her heart. 

“Sorry I am dumb. What does. Ohh I see what you did there!” Sana appreciated the gesture, understanding how difficult it was for Nayeon to apologize. It felt like perhaps they could break the cycle together, that maybe this could work out for them.      

-

At work, the folks who wanted to leave had been working on their resumes, and were unfortunately starting to find work in other places. While it was bittersweet seeing them go, Sana knew it was for the better. She was proud of the work they had done to help them go to workplaces that would hopefully value them more. Unfortunately, their company was refusing to hire and backfill those positions, tasking those who remained to fill those vacancies despite a lack of experience and bandwidth. Jihyo was now over four teams compared to her regular three, which was already pushing it. Sana was covering the projects of three other team members, and she didn’t know where to even start at this point. Everyone was starting to get more and more burned out as their projects came to a halt with every resignation, and any actionable tasks to drive change suddenly became impossible because they didn’t have someone to fulfill it properly. The whole thing infuriated Sana, because how was anyone supposed to operate well in these conditions? So they didn’t. It wasn’t anyone’s fault besides upper management, with grand expectations coming down and no way to actually accomplish anything. Morale and productivity had hit an all time low. 

“Sana, there’s layoffs coming,” Jihyo whispered as they walked into the building. Sana didn’t think it was possible for things to get worse, but here they were. 

“What? How? When? Do I still have a job? How do you know?” Sana had secretly been hoping to be laid off. She was so burnt out, and she had enough savings that she would be ok for a couple months. She could really use a break. Her thoughts also went to Nayeon, who was barely breaking even on her bills. She couldn’t afford to be let go, and Sana hoped it was not coming for Nayeon. Things were currently not bad between them, albeit a little tumultuous. It was the same pattern, the hot and cold. Sana was starting to get used to it but she couldn’t help but wonder how much longer they could go on like this for. 

“I got some intel from Chaeyoung who has a friend in HR. We are looking at maybe 30-40 people, mostly from the editorial department and at the vp level. I don’t know who though, but it’s going to happen before noon today.” Sana breathed a sigh of relief since it wasn’t Nayeon, but she couldn’t help but wonder if her friends on that team were on the line. 

As they exited the elevator, the tension was palpable. It had already happened. People were packing up their desks while others stood by, unsure of what to do. The lights were suddenly too bright and the whispers too loud for Sana. Her hands got shaky as she saw her friends packing their desks, years worth of labor packed into a medium size cardboard box. 

“Hyo, what do we do,” Sana whispered. She felt tears in her eyes, seeing how demeaning it was for those who were let go to do so in such a public setting. And their coworkers, friends, looking on helplessly. How do you comfort someone whose livelihood had been stripped from them so suddenly? 

“Collect the people who weren’t let go, let’s go to a meeting room so they can pack up their stuff with dignity. I can’t believe this is happening right now.”

Sana did just that. She stopped to hug those she knew who had been let go, wishing them the best and asking if they needed anything. She rounded up everyone, stopping last at Nayeon’s desk. She knew this would be tough on Nayeon, she worked really closely with a bunch of the writers and was generally very sensitive. Sana found her crying quietly at her desk, trying to send an email. They were currently in a cold patch because the night before, Nayeon had accused her of liking another coworker (she didn’t), but Sana reached out anyways. 

“Hey, let’s go,” she said firmly, grabbing Nayeon’s arm. Without missing a beat, Nayeon got up and rolled into Sana’s arms, burrowing her face into the other girl's neck as she sobbed. Sana tried to comfort her, holding her quietly as she walked them into a conference room. They both cried, neither of them saying anything coherent for several minutes. They could see people taking their boxes and walking out, some crying, others visibly angry. Sana wished she could do something, anything to help. She hated feeling so helpless. 

“I know you want to help, but you can’t do anything beyond what you’ve already done,” Nayeon sniffled as she reached her hand over to cover Sana’s. She was always surprised by the sense of comfort she felt when Nayeon touched her. It soothed the anxiety in her brain and she felt a strange clarity. 

“We just have to work harder, then. We have to network more, work faster, make it clear that this is not what our company is about. We need to retaliate.” Sana’s fists clenched as her sadness dissipated into anger, thoughts festering in her mind. 

“I’m not sure that’s the best way to do that, I mean our jobs are in their hands,” Nayeon said quietly, reservations evident in her words. Even though they were still “just friends,” Sana was so accustomed to the other girl’s norms that while she found this level of nervousness cute, she could also sense defeat, which broke her heart. 

“That might be true but we are so much more than our jobs. We are people. And they can’t get away with talking to us like this, maybe we should get this to a news station. You’re in PR, what do you think? This could really take off right?” Sana watched as Nayeon shrunk even more. 

“We could but the retaliation if I ever got caught would be brutal. Defamation cases are no joke and who knows if the news would even pick this up with the current news cycle. I really don’t think it’s a good idea, Sana.” There was a hint of something in Nayeon’s voice but she couldn’t place it. This idea felt good to her, but she didn’t want to push it. 

“I’m going to go find Jihyo and the others, come with me?” Sana asked as she reached over and wiped a tear from Nayeon’s face, to which she stiffened. 

“No, I’m fine. I’m going to go back to work,” Nayeon replied as she got up. Something had changed but Sana wasn’t sure what. 

“Are you ok?” Nayeon replied with a small hum and a nod. 

“Are we ok?” Sana knew asking this was risky at this point, holding her breath at the answer. 

“Yeah, everything is fine, don’t worry.” Her tone was icy and it chipped away at Sana’s resolve. Unfortunately, she didn’t have time to deal with this, so she just nodded and walked out of the room. When she got to the room with Jihyo, she found a couple other folks that were leaders within their rebellion. They were speaking in whispers, clearly broken from the events of today but with a new sense of responsibility to figure out what to do next. 

“I have an idea,” Sana said as she walked in, closing the door behind her.

-

Sana decided this weekend would be a quiet weekend in, and that even though Nayeon was ignoring her, she would still find ways to be happy. She really didn’t understand why Nayeon was so suspicious of every person Sana interacted with. She felt like she tried really hard to affirm that Nayeon was the only one she wanted to be with (as friends?) and that she was indeed enough, even if she wasn’t perfect. They had gotten to an okay place, but as expected, the other girl had suddenly pulled away.  

Jihyo had recommended a book to her and while she hadn’t read a book in months, here she was, on her couch learning about attachment theory. Sana had tried for so long to make sense of what Nayeon was doing, why she was treating her the way she was. Sana couldn’t deny the intensity of Nayeon’s affections for her, which is why it was so confusing to her when one day, the girl would be talking about how she thought they could be married, but the next day there would be radio silence. 

“They must really be something,” the cashier had said as she rang up the book for Sana, to which she just blushed. 

As she continued to power through the book, she thought about what Nayeon had told her about her childhood and how she showed up in their situation. Her home life wasn’t stable. Her parents fought a lot, and some of the memories Nayeon had shared bordered on abuse, in Sana’s opinion. There was a lot of misunderstanding around Nayeon’s anxiety and mental health when she was younger, and overall there was a lot of neglect. It hurt Sana’s heart to think about a younger Nayeon, sitting in the darkness of her room, knees to her chest with an anxiety attack that had been misinterpreted as an angry fit, resulting in unnecessary isolation. 

Sana got to the section about the anxious avoidant attachment style, and things started clicking together. It all made sense. As a child, Nayeon had no one to turn to or to protect her. Her caretakers were the ones who made her feel the least safe, even though they were supposed to love her. Their love felt conditional, so she did her best to always follow the rules and not misstep. She thought love, while great and wanting it so desperately, would ultimately just lead to hurt. It would always be easier to run at the sight of danger, to assume the worst and leave before her heart could get broken. And that’s what was happening now. The silence was deafening, in Sana’s apartment but also from Nayeon. It had been a week at this point. 

She never quite knew what to do, because if she asked, Nayeon would shut down and say it was fine. The other girl never asked for space, but simply took it. Sana would always oblige, even though she desperately wanted to be the person who supported her. At times she would reach out and it would blow over, but she wasn’t sure this is how she wanted it to play out in the future. She picked up her phone again to see if there was a text from Nayeon. Instead, she saw a text from Jihyo. It was a link, which Sana was a little wary of after their most recent security training on phishing links. She had failed twice already, but she had genuinely been curious about the alleged food trucks in her area. Nevertheless, she clicked the link. 

“Local CEO slams women in the workforce, claims men are better”

Sana’s eyes widened as she read through the article, grinning at the details in the story. Things were falling into place. She opened her computer to check a couple things, doing a quick google search as her smile widened. She opened her messages with Jihyo. 

This is taking off. There’s already over 30 articles about this and it’s getting picked up in other countries, too. And it’s on CNN too, all of them are slamming our CEO this is incredible

Sana laid in her bed, proud of what they had accomplished. She had dabbled in PR before, which played so well into this. With the help of the other leaders, they had figured out how to covertly send this out. It was hundreds of emails, just hoping for some sort of coverage. They hadn’t expected it to go viral like this though. She saw a message from Jihyo. 

It’s all over the local news and LinkedIn. And they’re making TikToks about this, too. It was a great idea Sana!!

She hoped this would change things. She hoped they would finally get their attention, that something would finally happen. At the base level, she hoped for an apology for the hell they had been put through, followed by change. Something, anything.

Returning to Nayeon, she realized that unfortunately she could not heal the other girl. She so desperately wanted to fix Nayeon so they could be together, but without the other girl’s willingness to accept help and change, it would be impossible. But if Sana was able to get their CEO to go viral, was loving another woman so difficult? She pondered what she could do or how she could approach Nayeon to elicit some action so they could move forward together. Would it be so wrong for Sana to ask Nayeon to get her shit together so she could love her?

Sana sighed as she thought about the conversation, nervous for what it might bring. Nayeon’s default was to be defensive, which wasn’t productive. Sana could handle a little fighting, but Nayeon would immediately shut down. She explained that she just thought people were how they were, and conflict was a sign that it wouldn’t work out. In Sana’s mind, conflict was inevitable simply because people are different, but that didn’t mean it was bad. She pondered the possible situations until sleep caught up to her. 

-

Sana ran out of the meeting room, angrily pushing the elevator buttons to get her out of the building. The buttons on her shirt were too tight, and the walls felt like they were closing in on her. It took too long so she opted for the stairs, her eyes full of tears as she made her way outside. She needed to start looking for a new job. 

The meeting she was just in was supposed to be a leadership meeting, where they reported on numbers and discussed next steps. It had not been that. The CEO usually never attended these meetings, but he was there and he had required the whole company to attend, sitting at the front with his loyal executives. That should’ve been her first clue, but she shrugged it off. The meeting started abruptly with the CEO standing at the pulpit and angrily denouncing the people who had leaked the original meeting, calling the comments “Twitter litter” and completely unreasonable. He threatened legal action against the guilty parties who leaked it. He then made a joke about being a veteran because he had received death threats and had considered wearing a bulletproof vest. Sana noticed Jihyo’s knuckles going white as her hands gripped the chair. She calmly rested her hand on the other girl’s. 

The CEO continued by doubling down, affirming that nothing was going to change. They still weren’t going to hire because it hurt their bottom line, and that the practices they had implemented were very helpful to the company. There were still no numbers to support this, no evidence besides the lies that were coming from his mouth. Sana felt sick to her stomach. The sheer volume of garbage he was spewing as his yes men nodded behind him made her sick to her stomach. But she wasn’t prepared for what came next. 

“I’d also like to personally thank Nayeon. Where are you, can you come up here?” The CEO waved the brown haired girl up, who looked shocked to hear this, anxiously walking up the stage. “I value your contributions and dedication to this company, I’ve heard that you have delivered some very important information to hr. They are working together to get evidence to confirm the person who leaked this and to recover my image- the image of the company and I think you deserve a promotion. So everyone please congratulate Nayeon!” The claps started slowly but built as everyone obliged, and Sana’s heart dropped, realizing Nayeon was a mole. She saw red and before she knew it, she had yelled out that she quit and she was up and out the door.

“Sana, wait, I can explain.” Even now, that voice had the power to tear down her walls and she resented how badly she missed it. 

“Is that what you were doing the week you were ignoring me, kissing corporate ass and working on getting promoted? I can’t believe you were a mole, how could you?” Sana’s heart was shattered. She had trusted Nayeon with so many details, it was only a matter of time until they found out it was her. She probably needed to find a lawyer, start cleaning her trail. Although Jihyo’s plan was pretty foolproof and in theory, it couldn’t be traced back to her, she was still worried. Because Nayeon knew. They had talked about it, and now her career was in the hands of a woman that loved her some days, and refused to acknowledge her on others. 50/50 perhaps.  

“I didn’t tell them it was you. I didn’t give them a name, I just said I’d start looking into it. I didn’t know they were going to announce it like that but I'm not going to tell them it was you.” Nayeon looked guilty, arms crossed as she stood across from her. 

“So what did you tell them?”

“Just stuff from the first couple meetings-“

“Are you serious? Why would you even do this? You hate their policies as much as the rest of us!”

“They approached me because no one really knows me, and then they linked my promotion to it. I didn’t have a choice, Sana, you have to understand.”

“Understand? Oh I understand alright, I understand that you’re a coward, Nayeon. You won’t stand up for yourself or the people you pretend to care about. You are so scared to do anything, you won’t even let me love you!” Sana laughed bitterly. The last part was unnecessary and she knew it, but it was too late to take it back now. 

“That’s not fair and you know it! I told you from the beginning I couldn’t do it! And that’s part of why I’d pull away sometimes, because I knew this would happen. I knew I’d just disappoint you and that one of us would get hurt. I knew that when you found out about this, you would be upset and that’s why I didn’t talk to you last week,” Nayeon whipped back, stepping away from Sana. The growing space made Sana want to reach out, but she couldn’t bring herself to close the gap. 

“So you were just using me? Getting close to me to get information?”

“Of course I wasn’t-“

“You’re right, I’m the stupid one for thinking that you could do it. That you could want me. I love you, you know? I love every broken piece of you that even you refuse to look at. And I was willing to wait, to see if things would get better. But you are somehow everything I thought you were, and everything I hoped you weren’t, and I can’t believe that I didn’t see this coming. I’m so disappointed in you,” Sana spat. She watched as Nayeon’s walls went up, going from sad to neutral, a flicker of anger in her eyes. She couldn’t stop, it was like watching a car crash. Months of hurt, built up until this moment. 

“I’m sorry you feel that way, but like I said, I told you from the beginning. I can’t be what you need, and you were the one who wanted to keep going anyways. You were the one who chased something I couldn’t give you and that’s not my fault. That’s on you , Sana.”

“Was this all just a game to you then? Did any of it even matter?” Sana yelled, waiting for Nayeon to hurt her feelings, to take the knife in her back and drag it. Something snapped in Nayeon. 

“Apparently not! Clearly we are not romantically compatible with how often we fight, there’s no way this would work out. Because remember? We aren’t even dating. I’m so tired of fighting with you, of doing whatever this is. Every time I would walk away I was hoping you would get the message that we needed to call it quits but you’d always come back. Why didn’t you take a hint? You broke so many boundaries chasing after me, love bombing me with words and pastries, I can’t do this anymore.” Sana could hear Nayeon walking away, but her eyes were full of tears so she turned around and kept walking, breaking down loudly with every step. If she had turned back around, she would’ve seen Nayeon stop and look back at her, eyes equally wet. 

Sana walked over to the curb and sat down, sobbing with her head in her hands. She couldn’t believe how deep of a cut this was. She felt so betrayed, learning that Nayeon had snitched and effectively ended whatever was going on between them. That she was so willing to sacrifice her morals for money, that somehow this company had edged their way and corrupted her. She was even more hurt because it was only at that moment that she realized she loved Nayeon, had announced it, and was met with an apology. She felt as though her lifeline had been severed, and the ache in her chest continued to grow. 

“Let’s go home.” Jihyo appeared behind her, and she immediately broke down in her arms.

-

True to her word, Nayeon did not turn anyone in. Sana was shocked to hear that from Jihyo, especially after their confrontation in the parking lot. Everything had gotten significantly worse at the company since Sana had left, and while she wished she could’ve been there to support her friends, she had never felt more relief than she did now while she was unemployed. Now she could peacefully watch the leaves fall from her window, without wondering who’s job she would have to do next. She did a little traveling but spent most of her time decompressing, figuring out what it was she wanted to do next. Jihyo would tell her about their current work deliberations, how she was hoping that enough of them would be willing to go on strike so they could walk out of the building and really make a statement. Sana hated the current state of the company, but she was amazed by the collaboration and efforts going into fighting for each other. 

She would be lying if she said she hadn’t spent nights under the covers, crying over Nayeon. There was one night that she just played “Bigger Than the Whole Sky” on loop and cried over several pints of ice cream. She was grieving what she lost, and the potential of the whole situation. Also the parts of her that still loved someone that had hurt her so badly, tossing her love aside like it was nothing. The question would always got caught in her throat, wanting to ask Jihyo how Nayeon was doing, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask. The anger and resentment had subsided, but she still couldn’t wrap her head around the things Nayeon had said and done. None of it made sense to Sana, and she was driving herself crazy analyzing every aspect of their relationship. Had she made it all up in her head? Had she really broken so many boundaries and ignored so many signs? She remembered the tone Nayeon had used with her, as if she were talking to a stranger, someone she didn’t care for. Most of Sana’s friends said that it was not the case, that Nayeon was gaslighting her with the new reality she wanted to see. Sana wasn’t so sure. 

Dahyun and Chaeyoung reached out with a new opportunity at their start up. They had both been let go in the last round of layoffs, so they took the chance to chase their dreams. The pitch they had made was really good, and it was a no-brainer for Sana. Within a month, she found herself at a new company. It was strange, going from a company that was running itself into the ground and undervaluing employees, to one that cared for their employees and had an actual business plan. Sana felt like she could breathe again.

Despite all this positive movement and time, the sadness from Nayeon gnawed at the back of her mind like a tapeworm. She hated how things had ended, she was still so mad and she had so many things to say. But also she was sad, she regretted some of the things she said, and part of her hoped that things could still work. She wanted to reach out and ask if they could try again because maybe it could be better this time. But she didn’t know if she could bear another rejection at the hands of Nayeon, and she also didn’t know if she could handle another hot and cold cycle. The other girl hadn’t reached out either, so she did what she knew best, and threw herself into work at this new company.  

-

Sana stood on the ladder hanging up decorations in her house. She had been planning this birthday party for months, excited for her friends to show up and come celebrate with her. Balloons were scattered around the floor and there were a couple banners up on the walls. The last few months had gone by quickly, with her company acquiring some smaller companies. Dahyun and Chaeyoung had done really well for themselves, and Sana had quickly moved up the ranks. She was working a lot of overtime, but at least she knew in this situation that something good would come of it. 

Jihyo was on the other side of the room, working on some streamers. They had staged the walk out and after eleven days, the company finally had the CEO issue an apology, admitted some of the changes were for his ego, and rolled back some of their policies. Everyone reached out to Sana to thank her even though she wasn’t there anymore, and she was just happy that something had changed for them. 

There was only one person who Sana wished would reach out that hadn’t, one that occasionally graced the palace of her mind with an intrusive presence. She didn’t like to think of her often, deciding that tucking the pain away would hopefully be enough. But the memories of Nayeon haunted her, she was somehow always one song away from a breakdown. Over time it had lessened, but there were still days when Sana was sent back to that time, dealing with the pain of watching Nayeon slip away, of feeling her let go.  

But today was her birthday, and she was not going to let the way one person treated her impact how her day was going to go. 

“We have everything right? We aren’t missing something? It’s all here?” Sana asked, slightly panicked, hoping her friend had the answers. 

“The catering will be here half an hour before the party, the decorations are all good, and we have an hour cushion in case you decide to do anything else before everyone shows up. It’s going to be great, Sana.”

“You know, maybe you should consider going into party planning, I don’t know how you kept all of this straight.”

“Actually... I’ve been thinking about maybe going into law? To fight cases like this and help people unionize? This whole experience has had me thinking about what I’m passionate about, and truthfully I think this might be it.”

“Oh my god, Hyo that’s amazing, you would be an incredible lawyer! You should absolutely do it.” Sana walked over to hug her friend, every ounce of encouragement pouring out of her body. She was so proud of everything they had accomplished, and she couldn’t wait to see what was next. Their moment was ruined by a knock on the door.

“Are we expecting anything right now?” Sana asked as she walked to the door.

“I don’t think so? Maybe someone is here early to help set up,” Jihyo shrugged as she went back to hanging decorations.

Sana opened the door, expecting to see one of her friends, but she stood there in silence, a thick tension falling over the doorway. There, standing in front of her, was Nayeon. She looked so small compared to the last time Sana had seen her, tears already pricking her eyes as she thought about that day. 

“What are you doing here?” Sana asked coldly, attempting to mask the hurt that lingered still. She thought it had been long enough, but there she was, feeling like an open wound. 

“I’m here to apologize,” Nayeon said quickly. She moved towards the door, but Sana didn’t move so she stepped back. 

“No, actually I’m going to start. How could you, Nayeon? I thought we were on the same page? I thought that when I gave you my heart, that you were going to be a safe place to land. Instead, you betrayed not only me but your fellow coworkers. And then you said the things you did but here’s the thing. A boundary requires two people to talk. I always asked if things were ok, you were the one who wouldn’t speak up or you would just say it was fine. I know that what we had was real, Nayeon, despite what you’ve convinced yourself of. And the worst part of all of this is that I understand why you did what you did. I took the time to learn you and I found the things you were so scared to show me and I loved you anyways.” There were tears in Sana’s eyes as the pieces of her heart she had so carefully picked up shattered again on her front porch as she re-lived all of it. Her hand was white from how hard she was gripping the door. “I gave you the best parts of me, Nayeon. I was patient, hopeful that things could be different, but it never changed. I tried so hard to love all your pieces back together, but you wouldn’t let me. And in these past few months, I turned over every piece of you in my mind, trying to figure out where I went wrong. But at the end of the day, you weren't there.”

Nayeon stood there, eyes down, taking it all in. Sana was about to close the door, but Nayeon grabbed it before she could close it. She mentally cursed the person who had installed her screen door opening outward.

“Sana, I’m so sorry. I’ve been gutted for months, trying to figure out what to say or how to explain this. I guess to start with the work thing, they said I had to do it. And it was all fine, but that was until I really started getting to know you. I couldn’t do it anymore. After you left, I started looking for a new job.” Nayeon shuffled around, still held under a cold gaze by Sana. 

“Ok and?”

“And I’m sorry for everything I put you through. You understood me so well and... I got scared. I was worried that maybe once you really got to know me, you would hate me-”

“That is the problem Nayeon, I never hated you. I loved you. I loved you since the moment we talked in that team lunch, I haven’t stopped thinking about you. I know you ran from me because you got scared, and because being known scares you. I know you want this so bad but you just are too scared to let yourself fall for me. And why is that, Nayeon?”

“Because I don’t think I’m good enough for you. Because for some reason whenever you get too close, my instinct is to distance myself from you. Because I don’t think I deserve someone like you. Because I isolate when things get hard and I don’t want help because it gets too complicated. Because I love you still, and that scares the shit out of me.” 

Sana was shocked by the level of honesty she was getting from Nayeon. It was also surprising how much introspection she seemed to have done. Nevertheless, she still wanted answers. 

“So why are you here on my doorstep?” The questions rested between them, and if Nayeon had waited any longer to respond, Sana would have walked away. 

“I have spent so many nights crying because of what I said to you. I shouldn’t have said those things, because you’re right. What we had was more than friendship and I said some things that weren’t true. I never was the best to you, and I shouldn’t have neglected your feelings and treated you like they didn’t matter. I should’ve talked to you about the things that were bothering me and asked for help. I wish I had given you more when I had the chance. But I’m here because, well. I still love you. I love how you hum to yourself when you cook, when your eyes light up when you talk about your interests. I miss talking to you about anything and everything and sending you pictures of my dog. I want to make things right with you, and I know I could do it so much better this time if you’d just give me a chance.” 

Sana had waited months to hear those words out of Nayeon’s mouth. But she had grown tired of trying, of forcing things to be better when they clearly weren’t. She would be lying if she said Nayeon’s words hadn’t ignited a spark in her chest. She remembered so clearly how good things had been, those initial butterflies. But she also remembered how hard things were, the hurt and the lack of stability that she had experienced. 

“I’ve been going to therapy, to try and get better. I’m learning a lot, and I also have so much to unlearn. My therapist says a lot of it has to do with what I learned as a kid, so I’ve been doing some inner child work to heal. I’m sorry for all the anxiety and pain I caused you and the way I made you doubt your own feelings, Sana. And I get it if you don’t want to hear from me again after everything, but I had to try.” Nayeon finally finished, out of breath from trying to express the sincerity behind her actions, removing her arm from the door. They stood there, looking at each other for what felt like hours.  

Sana slammed the door shut. She watched as Nayeon’s expression fell before she closed the door, a look she recognized as the one she had worn for months dealing with their fall out. She leaned back on the door, sliding down with her head in her hands. Sana had worked so hard to get over the other girl, why did it feel like she was back in that parking lot when the words Nayeon had spoken were exactly what she wanted to hear? 

“So that was...” Sana forgot that Jihyo was even here at the house. “I heard everything, in case that wasn’t obvious.”

“Hyo, what do I do?” Sana was so torn. She knew the risks but she was unsure of the reward. Nayeon had come to her house and offered her everything she had wanted, but she couldn’t figure out why she was hesitating.

“Well, what do you want to do?” Jihyo sat down beside Sana on the ground, reaching out and placing a hand on her knee. 

“Don’t you hate her though?” Sana sniffled, remembering all the times they had talked shit on Nayeon, and Jihyo would recount every time she tried to warn Sana that this was a bad idea. Sana used to roll her eyes, but eventually she wished she had listened sooner. It was her lesson to learn.  

“I don’t hate her. I hate what she did to you, to us, but I don’t think she’s a bad person. She’s just a little broken, and it seems she’s aware of that now. It was a solid apology.”

“Do you think that’s enough?” Sana’s fingers were tracing the patterns in the tile, hoping the answer would reveal itself if she kept creating the shapes. 

“That’s not a question for me to answer, because it’s your life. And you know I’ll be here for you, no matter what.” Jihyo got up, extending a hand to Sana. “It sounds like you have an idea of what you want to do though, and I would say you probably need to move quickly.”

“What do you mean?” Sana asked, even though she knew full well what she wanted to do, what she had genuinely known from the moment she opened that door, but had closed in a moment of fear. 

“Go, Sana. Before she leaves.”

Sana didn’t need more than that. She ran out the door, not even bothering to put on her shoes as she ran across her lawn. She looked around for Nayeon’s car, praying that it wasn’t too late. Lucky for her, she saw her car idling down the road. Her feet carried her to the car and truthfully she didn’t know if they had paved the roads recently or if she was running on air. She tapped on the window and watched as Nayeon just about had a heart attack in the front seat. Nayeon rolled down the window and wiped at her eyes with her sleeves. 

“Stay.” That was all Sana could get out as she caught her breath. She could’ve caught her breath and then knocked on the window, but she hadn’t completely thought this through. Nayeon’s eyes went wide once she processed what Sana said.

“Are you sure? Because that door slam felt pretty final. Also are you ok?” Nayeon looked scared, and Sana wasn’t sure if it was the door slam or the rate at which she was breathing. She put up one finger to indicate she needed a minute, and leaned over with her hands on her knees, trying to breathe. “Do you want some water? I’m not even that far from your house, did something happen?”

“Nayeon, please shut your cute mouth for thirty seconds please,” Sana huffed out, still trying to figure out what it was that she wanted to say. She heard a small chuckle from the other girl and she knew. 

“I’ve really missed you, Nayeon. Thank you for your apology. I’m glad you’re doing well and you’ve learned so much. I do want to give us a try, but I think we need to lay down some ground rules.” Sana felt very confident. She knew what she wanted, and she knew what would be necessary to get it. 

“Sure, what did you have in mind?” Nayeon asked with genuine curiosity. Sana could tell by the way Nayeon’s teeth clicked together and the pink on her cheeks that the winter air was getting to her, so she quickly stood up and looked at her. 

“You either date me or you don’t, no in betweens this time. And I know you’re working on it so I won’t leave if you start distancing yourself but I will call you out on it, and we will have to have a conversation.” 

“Yeah, yes, of course, yeah, date you, every day, I would choose you in a heartbeat.” Nayeon was nervously struggling to string words together, and Sana found it rather cute. “Sorry it’s so cold my brain is frozen and I can’t believe you’re giving me a chance. Obviously I want to date you or I wouldn’t be here, and I’ve been working on not running away so it’ll be helpful for you to call me out,” Nayeon replied, excitement slowly building in her voice. 

“Ok. Also you need to invite me over to your house some time. And if you’re mean to me again, you have to say two nice things to me after.” Sana smirked at the other girl, who’s mouth hung open at the requests. 

“Isn’t that from the imposter syndrome training...?” Sana laughed as she watched Nayeon piece it together. She had missed this. She had missed Nayeon. 

“Answer the questions, are you going to do it or not?”

“Those weren’t even questions!” Nayeon exclaimed, grinning ear to ear. 

“You’ve just returned to my good side and you want to start off like this?” Sana asked with her eyebrow raised and arms folded. 

"I mean do you have a bad side?" Nayeon smirked, earning a small blush from Sana. 

"Would you like to find out?"

“No, you’re right, you’re right. I bought furniture so yes I will have you over some time, and I will not be mean to you. But I’ll still give you compliments!” Nayeon quickly interjected, earning a laugh from Sana. “I missed you too, Sana. So much.”

“I’m glad you came to your senses,” Sana said as she smiled and leaned in through the window. Nayeon looked softly at her and gingerly lifted her hand to Sana’s cheek. 

“Me too.”