Work Text:
“Oh, right. Who was this someone you said I reminded you of?”
“Myself of course.”
…
It had been four years, since Dazai left the Port Mafia. Many memories from his time in the Port Mafia never really bothered him, but that one he just couldn’t shake from his mind, especially on nights alone, with nowhere to run from his thoughts. Dazai splashed cold water on his face, as he stood in front of his sink, trying to relieve himself from his thoughts. Dazai let the water drip down his face for a moment, before drying his face with a rag that was next to the sink. Dazai stood still, before looking up to face the mirror. Dazai looked in the mirror, but it was Mori who stared back at him.
They were bound by a common fate, he could never escape him, no matter where he turned, how much alcohol he drank, or how many times he unsuccessfully tried to kill himself. He gazed at his reflection for what seemed like hours, but Dazai had long since stopped keeping track. He analyzed every detail, even though he understood it wasn’t really Mori and it was just the alcohol messing with his head. After a long while of staring, he managed to rip his eyes away from the mirror, knowing it wouldn’t do any good to just patronize himself even more.
Dazai suddenly felt sick to his stomach, realizing he’d drank far too much. It wasn’t that he cared for his health, that was the last thing he cared about, he only cared about the pain that throwing it all up would bring him. In the end, it wasn’t Dazai’s decision, because there was nothing else he could do. Dazai quickly rushed to his toilet and hunched over, as he felt himself gag. He tried to prevent it, but he gagged again, before puking into the toilet, unable to hold it back. His throat burned and he felt tears prick at the corners of his eyes.
Once Dazai had got it all out of his system, he sat there for a moment, but the aftertaste kicked in, which made him immediately get up and rinse his mouth out. Dazai soon left the bathroom and laid down in his bed on the floor. As he laid down, he spotted a bottle of melatonin, a gift from Kunikida. He felt thankful for it at this moment, as he shook a few tablets out of the bottle and chuckled a bit, wondering how glad Kunikida would be to know he used it. He then put the pills in his mouth and swallowed them dry, too tired to get up and get some water to swallow them with. Dazai felt around for his phone next to him and he picked it up, so he could quickly check his notifications, then try to sleep, even though he only had a few more hours, before he had to be up for work.
He turned his phone on and the screen lit up, he resisted the urge to chuck his phone across the room, as he felt himself go as white as a ghost.
He had one missed call, a missed call from Mori.
Dazai hoped it was an accident, but he was never going to get that lucky, because the moment he tried to come up with a different explanation, Mori called him again.
He debated on whether or not to pick up, but he knew he had an obligation to answer, in case it was anything important for the Armed Detective Agency, because he still was in charge of many of the missions, during the truces between the Port Mafia and the Armed Detective Agency.
Dazai reluctantly answered the phone, after a few moments of hesitation, even though he knew he would regret his decision, as he heard that all too familiar voice on the other line.
“Ah, Dazai. I knew you would pick up.”
Dazai could almost see that smug smile through the phone, as he took in a shaky breath and clenched his clammy fists.
“What do you want?” Dazai asked blankly, completely ignoring Mori’s previous statement. Dazai scoffed, as he heard Mori chuckle, almost feeling sick to his stomach again simply at the sound of it.
“Straight to the point, I see. I just wanted to know what you thought about the transfer deal. Fukuzawa did tell you, correct?” Mori spoke calmly, as Dazai listened, but quickly became confused.
“Transfer? What are you talking about?” Dazai asked with an indifferent attitude, even though he internally was beginning to feel panicked.
“I take that as a no.” Mori spoke with a smug tone, happy to be the bearer of bad news. “Well, in return for the Port Mafia’s aid in the Decay of the Angels crisis, I get to choose someone from the Armed Detective Agency to join the Port Mafia.”
Dazai’s heart sank to the floor, as he heard Mori’s words, immediately understanding why Mori had been so satisfied with himself.
“You pushed me out of the Port Mafia, but now that I’m doing better than I was with the Port Mafia, you want me to come back? Fuck you, I’m never coming back.” Dazai spoke with a cold and intimidating voice, but furrowed his eyebrows, as he heard Mori laugh again.
“If you don’t want to come, that’s fine. How about I take that weretiger boy instead? I’m sure he could do well here. Or maybe I could take back poor Kyouka? Just after she finally found the light, such a shame.” Mori spoke mockingly, which infuriated Dazai, but Dazai knew he was serious. If he refused to come back, he wouldn’t put it past Mori to hit him where it hurts, even if the person he chose didn’t benefit the Port Mafia.
“Don’t you dare. Atsushi needs to stay in the light for everything to stay balanced and Kyouka needs to be on the side of the light, it’s where she’s meant to be.” Dazai spoke with a threatening tone, letting Mori understand that this conversation would not end with either Atsushi or Kyouka joining the Port Mafia.
“If you don’t want one of them to go, then I suggest you reconsider my offer. I would love to have you back, Dazai. You know you belong here, not with them. You’re not like them.” Mori spoke with a sickeningly sweet tone, which nearly made Dazai recoil from the phone.
“Fine, just leave them alone.” Dazai spoke with a defeated voice, because he knew there wasn’t a way out this time. Mori had the right to choose whoever he wanted and if Dazai wasn’t picked, someone else would suffer in his place and it had the potential to throw off the course of his plan, especially if Atsushi was chosen. He couldn’t take that risk.
“Hm, it took you less convincing than I thought it would. I expected you to at least be a bit more stubborn, not that it wouldn’t have had the same outcome anyway. I’m glad you’ve come to your senses. You’ve been deeply missed these past four years.” Mori spoke calmly, as Dazai tensed up. He partially regretted his decision, but he knew it had to be done.
“Just because I’m coming back, doesn’t mean I’ll listen to you.” Dazai muttered, as he stared at his ceiling. Mori stifled a laugh, which only made Dazai even more pissed off than he already was.
“Oh, you will. Unless you want me to return you to the Armed Detective Agency and choose someone else, you will be our Demon Prodigy again. It was always what you were meant to be, avoiding it these past four years has done you no good. It has only temporarily put off your destiny.” Mori spoke with a sharp tone, which immediately made Dazai tense up. Dazai stayed silent for a moment, before speaking again.
“When is the transfer?” Dazai asked quietly, as he gripped his phone tightly in his hand.
“It’s at the end of this week. A week from now, you’ll be back as an executive. This is a great opportunity, don’t you see?” Mori spoke excitedly, as he tried to get Dazai to show any sort of enthusiasm, but clearly failed.
“That also means there will be more opportunities to have Chuuya use corruption, because you’ll always be around to nullify it. Double black finally reuniting under one organization after all of these years.” Mori spoke with an excited tone, but what Mori said really seemed to put Dazai off.
“Mori, don’t go making him use it too much, just because I'll be around again. It’s dangerous and Yokohama can’t afford to lose him. Only have him use it sparingly.” Dazai spoke sternly, making sure Mori understood that he wouldn’t tolerate Chuuya being put at risk that often.
“Dazai, I know what I’m doing. He will use corruption however often I want; it’s for the benefit of the organization. He understands the risks and he has been willing to lay down his life every time. Don’t question my methods. You may not be one of my executives again yet, but I will hold anything you say now against you, once you are back, so I suggest you don’t try to tell me how to run my own organization, is that clear?” Mori spoke with a menacing tone, as Dazai reluctantly listened.
“Yes, Mori.” Dazai spoke quietly, as he kept his gaze fixed on his ceiling.
“Good, good. I have some important business matters to get to. I’ll see you at the end of the week. Enjoy the light while you can, because you’ll never return to it again.” Mori said the last sentence with a bitter tone, as he hung up, before Dazai could get in another word.
Dazai released his grip on his phone and let it fall out of his hand, as he laid on the floor. His whole world had come crashing down in one night, yet again. Those words kept ringing in his head, those words Oda had told him all those years ago.
“Be someone that protects people.”
Dazai buried his face in his hands, as he took shaky breaths. If he went back, he knew he wouldn’t be able to fulfill Oda’s dying wish. He failed him. He failed his only friend.
“Odasaku, I’m sorry. I couldn’t do it.” Dazai spoke quietly to himself, as he trembled.
Dazai had nothing. He’d lost it all again, because of Mori. It was always Mori. He took Oda and now he’s being taken away from the Armed Detective Agency, some of the only people who’ve ever cared about him.
Everything worth wanting for Dazai will always be lost the moment he obtains it. That’s how it’s always been and that’s how it always will be.