Chapter Text
If there was a way to describe what she was feeling at the moment it would be drowning: she currently was unable to escape the words she had been forced to hear as she simply tried to get her to see the truth of the matter.
Naive clone that she was setting herself up for betrayal when she would come to see the truth of this world. That humans were inherently evil creatures that would never allow for Luna to see her vision of this world; thus they should be removed to never pose a threat again.
But then she had said those words which she found trying to asphyxiate her thoughts to think of nothing but them, in what little she said she had struck an unknown nerve. A massive chink in her armor that she was unaware of.
Yes, even as she dragged herself away from city 075 to recover before the task of searching for her sister she knew was out there even now those words from the battle continued to haunt her.
‘I understand’
Almost like she had been paralyzed on command in that moment she was unable to move an inch as not letting up for her response blow after blow struck her.
It would have never been enough to stop her ultimately but then Roland had come in to be a distraction which was towards the goal they both shared somehow.
He took low priority on her list of issues to deal with for the moment.
How had she been against siding with Luna after seeing the crimes of humanity?
She could see as the lack of expected reaction took hold on the face of her clone before she said those awful words that had come to strike at the core of who she was.
Just how special was that commandant that she had with her? What had he done to ensure such a loyal puppet for the festering ill that was humanity?
The thoughts of him bring her back to when she had barely bothered to deal with the bullets he had fired from that gun of his? Lucia would side with humans because of something so suicidal and stupid?
No normal commandant would have bothered to try and interfere. Least not any of those who had been among the same class that had managed to produce revenge.
The whole of those scum had caused her too much harm to go back ever and yet here stood her clone willingly fighting for the enemy even if she only fought for her commandant.
A bigger picture had to be completed for her to understand some of her delusion; those teammates of hers must’ve been part of why she even bothered to see anything in that commandant and by extension humanity.
She had remembered facing down the sight of Lucia at death's door trying to avoid the generous offer that Luna had made her in her last moments; then the two of them had stopped the test of where her loyalty stood.
Even if she knew her choice they still tried to stop her as if the attempt would do much either way.
Lee, with that time wasted to make an as accurate shot despite the waste, she could tell was the smarter one who only got begrudging respect for not being Roland and loading knowing something you didn't.
He was unlikely to separate battle from down time, most likely using that time to prepare for the next battle: there was a lot in that theory that she could get behind despite the crawling itch under her skin just by looking at him.
Liv, that girl trying to face down certain death with that almost Sister like aura, she had a death wish despite her not cowering at the situation going an unexpected way.
The way she looked down at Lucia almost with the desperation she felt that day before her own discovery shifts her axis of thoughts about what that girl truly was. Some people just had that aura that they should be protected at all times… just like Luna.
She… was a leech getting by on the memories of Luna that she didn’t deserve to have yet those feelings remained until the city which she was making her way away from at a slow pace slowly trotting the silent no man's land. It was no wonder she had been so protective of the girl seeing as the familiar feeling was observed.
But a team like hers did not a family make, and she was living proof of such a concert, sure she could have tried harder but circumstances out of her control prevented that: the past was the past and she had her sister once again and she was all that was required.
Apha couldn’t imagine not running straight away to Luna’s side if that day of set up had not become the complete disaster that was planned from the beginning: It just seemed so obvious that the whole thing was rotten from the beginning despite the memories she still wanted to keep like the dog tags.
Something was still missing from the picture though she could see part of it clearly now.
Was it the rest of the squads that day on kowloong itself? All of those squads put up a fight that day despite the odds of them surviving being slim. Even she had experienced the suicidal nature of the nameless constructs that tried to take her down when she was simply surrounded, by ants no less.
No one that day wasn’t prepared to day in this gamble of a good amount of resources that day by the higher ups willingly sending them on a suicide mission: but babylonian chatter made it seem to be a great victory that day.
What had they accomplished besides simply allowing most of their forces to live and see another day, what did they gain besides a set of losses from their gamble? It just didn’t make sense in her eyes.
It wasn’t like she could up and ask her clone when she had died that day.
Yes, it was obvious something was different about her after that day but she hadn’t expected the death of Lucia in a sense. Alpha was all that was left of those old memories now left to be observed like data on a screen instead of actual memories: no one was left to appreciate them for what they were.
Maybe that was why… all of it was simply words on a screen for Lucia at this junction?
There had really never been a chance after the death of her clone…
She made the long trek out of the city with many different racing thoughts to keep her company as she began the long search which would take up the rest of her time until she reached her goal. Lucia would continue to haunt her mind for no other reason than that she still had done nothing but reach out.
Lucia was someone she would never be able to understand but she wasn’t the worthless thing she had seen her as, now what remained to be seen was the worth of the new personality that inhabited the body of the new frame designed by the babylonians.
So this was the power of unfettered cooperation and understanding…
It was no wonder things had turned out as they had, she was sure of that now.
Alpha would just have to work around their united front and arm in arm unity… how she missed such a feeling from her worthless past.
She was definitely coming down with some sort of sickness.