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Language:
English
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Published:
2024-01-13
Words:
316
Chapters:
1/1
Comments:
5
Kudos:
54
Bookmarks:
3
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473

domestic 47 AU

Summary:

After binging Hitman speedruns and silent assassin videos, I became enamored with this oddly quirky living weapon so I sort of invented a little AU where everything is largely the same but 47 just kinda has a secret identity now and is a real estate agent in the suburbs with a wife and child. I just thought it would be really funny and it kinda turned into a reader insert.

Work Text:

  • When he’s doing his thing as mild-mannered suburbanite realtor, Tobias Reaper, it’s literally that time he pretended to be one to kill a guy in Whittleton Creek.
  • He’s really fun to have during dinner parties. He’s so polite and knows a lot about while, which the wino moms love. Ofcourse, you have to give people a warning; “Sorry! My husband has a dark sense of humor!” Don’t worry though! The neighbors laugh SO HARD when his “dark sense of humor” comes out.

“Oh Toby, you card! Where does this keep coming from?”

“I just have a vivid imagination.”

  • One time you called him mid-assassination to tell him that your kid got a 100 on a spelling test; "We should be proud of them, dear. By the way, do you know what are we having for dinner tonight?"
  • You took the kid to the zoo as a reward. 47 snuck away without you two realizing to yeet a guy into the croc’ enclosure. It’s fine. He was a target and, like, ate babies or something.
  • No one suspects it was him! He’s in a polo. It’s just so disarming!
  • He has to go away quite a bit for “business trips”. Who knew realtors did so many of those! You never felt like you needed to look into it any further. “Tobias” isn’t the type to do things frivolously. Also he’s not the type of man to cheat.
  • He’ll hold your purse for you!
  • Despite being married, I don’t think he’s the type to use a lot of pet names. Maybe some basic ones like “dear” and “darling” but even then it’s not like he’d use them all too often.
  • 47 would find things like this; married, suburban normalcy to be therapeutic, because, you know, his job and history. It’s something he never thought he’d have the privilege in doing. He’s just done so many, many terrible things.