Chapter Text
Today is August 31st, a week since my mom and dad were shot and killed by a horrible, awful man. Jake says that the bad man wanted money, Jermaine said that he just did it just to show off. I didn't want to even think about why he did it. I didn't want to see him with the gun in his hand, I didn't want to see him in court, and I certainly don't want to see him on my tv when all I wanted to do was watch cartoons before school.
“More news on the tragic death of ‘Joshua and Margaret Investigations’, the murderer has been identified as–”
The tv screen cuts to black and silence fills the living room. Jake stands above me with the tv remote in his hand. “Come on Finn I think it’s time to go now”
I like being in the car. It’s relaxing to be able to just think and watch the houses go by. This time was no different until Jake interrupted my window staring. “Hey Finn, after school, me and Jermaine wanted to have a talk to you about… something. Something important.”
“What if I don’t wanna talk” I say in defiance. “Finn it’s not about– listen I just– I just want the best for you.” I stayed quiet after that. The minutes went by and instead of my relaxing car ride, I was greeted with a lingering uncomfortable silence.
Just like he said, after school Jermaine and Jake stood above me and ‘had a talk’ with me. They sat me down on our old and worn out sofa. They looked at each other and silently agreed that Jermaine was going to do most of the talking. “Finn. Me and Jake talked for a while and decided… from now on you're going to be living with Jake.”
I didn't wanna listen to anything he had to say after that. If he even was going to dare and say anything else after telling me that my life that I knew before was going to be shattered entirely. I ran to my room as fast as possible and slammed the door as loud as I could. I wanted them to know how upset this made me. Why would they do this to me? Jermaine is my home. This is my home. And they were just going to send me away. I heard my brothers try to talk and reconcile with me through my closed door but I didn't want to listen or try to understand. I just wanted things back to how they were.
Now it’s two weeks after the move. Which was Jake’s stupid idea by the way. Jake's job is now only 10 minutes away from our new apartment and Jake said that this new neighborhood is more safe. Both Jermaine and Jake agreed that I should be taken care of by Jake. Both had a say in what they wanted to do. But none of them even decided to ask me about how I felt about all of it. Today will be my first day at my new school and I'm really nervous. I had friends back at my old school. I don't want to make new ones. I'm going to be walking to school from now on because it's so close. It's going to feel weird for neither Jake or Jermaine to be driving me to school anymore. Makes me feel… kind of lonely. “Hey earth to Finn, you ready for school buddy?” I turn my head. I wonder how long he's been trying to get my attention for. “Yeah I'm ready.” I replied. “Alright well get there safely alright. Watch out for cars and stuff.” I can't help but roll my eyes a little. As I walk out the door I hear Jake trying to get a last word in. “Have a good day at school Finn! Love ya buddy.” The door shuts and I hope my silent ‘love you too’ gets across.
I walk into class and get introduced to my homeroom teacher Miss Bonnibel. She helps me get settled in and shows me where my classes are. I come to find that Miss Bonnibel also happens to live in the same apartment complex as me. All of my classmates have already developed their own friend groups already so I spent lunch and break alone. No one really stands out to me or even had an interest in talking to me at all except this girl I noticed that kept staring at me in my math class. She has this crazy bright orange hair that seemed to glow in the light. She sat directly to the left of me. On the walk back to the apartment, I notice the same orange haired girl walking my same route. She notices I'm walking by and lets me catch up to her. “Oh hey Finn I didn't realize you were there. You live out this way too?” I jump up at my name being said. “You remembered my name? Didn't think people paid that much attention to my little ‘Hi im Finn.’” She giggled and we continued to chat on the way until she slowed down as we got to a little yellow house not too far from mine. “This is my house! I guess I'll see you tomorrow?” She says in a bright and hopeful tone. “Yeah of course! I'll see you soon…” My sentence trails off as I realize I forgot to ask her what her name is. She smiles a little wider. “It's Phoebe!” We wave goodbye and I continue my walk back with a happier feeling than when I started.
“Jake, I'm home.” I announce to the seemingly empty room. No response. “Jake?” I look around the apartment but find that Jake isn't here. No biggie, sometimes Jake stays at work a little longer than normal or gets stuck in traffic. I send him a text anyway and start working on my homework for the day.
It’s about dinner time and Jake’s still not home yet. Maybe I'm just being paranoid but I can't help but get a little concerned and a little upset considering that he also hasn't answered my text. Maybe I should call him. As I pick up my phone I hear the door start to open. “I'm sorry I'm so late, Finn. I spent some time over Lady’s house for a bit and got sidetracked. But I brought back pizza?” Lady is Jake's girlfriend. I have to admit that I am a little jealous of how much time they’ve been spending together but I didnt wanna mention it to Jake. After all, who would wanna spend time with their 14 year old brother over their girlfriend?
He’s making the face he makes when he knows he messed up but is trying to make it better with a sympathy pizza. Nonetheless, I accept his pizza apology and we spend dinner watching movies and talking about our days. I do love spending time with Jake but sometimes I can't help but miss how things were. With Jermaine. With Mom and Dad. “Hey Jake?” He looks up at me, still finishing his remaining pizza slice. “Yeah what’s up Finn?” He can tell something is on my mind that I need to let out. “Doesn't it feel kinda lonely without Jermaine and stuff…” The hidden ‘Mom and Dad’ gets unnoticed. “Yeah I get what you mean. I miss Jermaine too. How about we try to visit him this weekend? It's been a while since we’ve all been together.” A small smile shows on my face. “Yeah I'd like that.” “I think Jermaine will too.” Jake added. We both head to bed for the night. As I lay in bed and think about the past few days, I realize that things are really starting to look up for me. Lets just hope things only go up from here.
School has been really hard for me. The more I go to school the more I don’t understand. It’s not that Miss Bonnibel or any of my other teachers don't teach well, it's– well I'm not sure what my problem is. I've been staring at my blank paper for the past 10 minutes. I look at Phoebe to see if I'm the only idiot who can't understand this. Just to my luck she has the whole paper filled out and is now working on extra credit. I wish I could be as smart as her.
“Alright, that's class for today. Whatever you didn't finish now make sure to finish it at home.” Miss Bonnibel says as the bell begins to make its high pitched hum. As everyone starts walking out I catch up to Phoebe. “Phoebe how in the world are you able to finish your paper so early? It's like you have a cheat sheet planted into your brain or something. I can barely even do one problem.” She looks at me with a confused look as if I'm an alien who never learned how to do school work. Maybe I should get Jake to help me with my homework from now on. “It’s not that hard, Finn. I think you're just overcomplicating it.” That's probably not it but I nod my head in agreement nonetheless. “Yeah maybe you're right”
This time when I come in the door Jake is waiting for me on the couch. He waves to me and I realize he’s on the phone. “Yeah yeah Finn just got home.”... “Yeah I'll call you later. Love you. Bye Lady.” He hangs up the phone and puts it safely away in his pocket. “How was school bud?”
“It was alright but I've got a lot of homework to do… and I was wondering if you could maybe help me with it?” I say with a little hesitation because honestly, Jake has never helped me with homework. It was always Jermaine or… but yeah Jake’s not exactly the guy you call for a homework problem. “I can try. I can't say I'll be the most helpful though.” Jake passively replied.
I wish I never asked for Jake's help. It’s been an hour and I'm still on the same damn math problem. “Finn, why didn't you just ask your teacher for help?” Jake says with a hint of annoyance in his voice. “You don't get it Jake, I can't just ask my teacher for help.” “Why not? Isn't that the whole reason why they’re there? It's not like they’re gonna say no.” I'm starting to lose my patience. Why doesn't Jake understand? “Why not? Because Jake I don't wanna look like an idiot in front of everyone. I'm literally the only one who doesn't understand stuff in class.” Jake starts to sit up straighter on his chair and gets a tighter grip on the notebook.
“Look Finn, I can see you’re getting upset. Let's just do this another time. You know what, just let me handle this. You go and cool down.” He pulls the notebook from my grip. I pull back. “No, I'm going to do this by myself. Asking for your help was clearly a waste of time. You don’t know how to help me with anything” My anger and frustration building up starts to slip out of my control. “You don't know what you're doing. All I wanted help with was something simple but you can't even do that with me? Why did you even choose to have me live with you if you're just going to ignore me half of the time? You are nothing like Mom and Dad. Mom and Dad were better than you and Jermaine.” I spit as I storm off to my room.
I hear soft sobs coming from the living room. Why did I say that? I know that Jake is just trying his best. Jake got stuck with me, not the other way around. I hear Jake’s heavy footsteps walking outside my room now. He gently opens the door. “Finn? Hey, I'm really sorry I shouldn't have been so pushy.” Jake takes a seat next to me on my bed. I try to avoid eye contact, instead preferring to look at the corner of my room then at him. He takes a long sigh and shaky breaths. “I know I haven't been the best caretaker for you. I'm trying my best but this stuff doesn't come naturally for me. You're right. I have no idea what I'm doing or what the best for you is.” He does a sad chuckle. “90 percent of the time I'm doing something wrong. And I know how it feels to be upset during this time. I'm one of the only people that can understand how you feel. It's not easy, but we are all we have left now.” I look up at him, now seeing his red, puffy, watery eyes. Apparently it's contagious because my eyes start to water too and before I know it, I feel cold heavy tears spilling down my cheeks.