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I. The Breakup
There's a lot of pain that comes after a breakup.
For Hanni, the most painful thing about breaking up was the abundance of hope–hoping they'd run into each other somewhere, facing their dilemmas together, hoping she'd return–even after acknowledging that what happened crushed her soul.
Conversely, for Minji, the most painful thing about breaking up was walking away from something so beautiful despite the many reasons to stay. It also meant acknowledging her lack of strength and instability, which she unconsciously delivered to the relationship like a buffet.
Hanni and Minji's breakup wasn't bittersweet.
It wasn't like those in movies where the couple sits across from each other at a cafe or restaurant, sobs muffling the exchange of words of exhaustion or hurtful remarks of wasted time and effort. In fact, there was a lack thereof.
The breakup was anticipated, for the past week was filled with short replies, conversations lacking substance, and merely updates about each other's whereabouts. True enough, meeting up became a battle of strength: a contest where long sighs, cold stares, and nonchalance are the criteria to declare the winner.
Rather than saying, "This isn't working anymore," Minji told Hanni she was leaving to continue her studies out of their small town.
"I'll be busy," she said. There was a long pause before she continued, followed by a sip of her iced coffee, "super busy."
Hanni nods in response.
While there are a lot of whys running in her mind–many of which have found permanent spots in her cerebrum–she could not find the courage to ask, afraid her long-hidden tears would escape. It's as if rather than muffling her tears, it was best to silence her thoughts, an attempt to make herself look unaffected even if there's a lot of emotion wanting to pop off.
They have neither apologized.
Neither said thank you.
Neither said goodbye.
After finishing their coffee, Hanni tells Minji she has to go and fix her school forms, considering it is enrollment week and they're starting as senior high students. Minji insisted on taking Hanni home, but the latter declined, stating she needed to go somewhere first.
Of course, they both knew this was a lie. Minji knows Hanni so well, and Hanni knows that too, but for the first time in 9 months, they choose to ignore this truth and part ways.
Physically and romantically.
II. The Glimpse
Now a college student, Hanni was busier than ever but never too busy when it came to hanging out with her friends. It was a great thing her circle–Danielle, Yunjin, and Sunoo–were filled with people who prioritized their studies over everything, that getting together meant group study dates and little to no partying.
It was a Friday night when Hanni first caught a glimpse of Minji.
Far from their hometown, Hanni had yet to expect to see Minji after those four long years.
No one knew where she went or where she continued her studies. While most of their former classmates believed she went overseas, Hanni had little opinion. The day they decided to call it quits was the day she stopped caring, or that's what she keeps convincing herself up to this day.
Moreover, the restaurant Sunoo chose was too hidden for many to dine in, so it came to Hanni's surprise to see Minji.
Minji wasn't even a bypasser or a customer.
Minji was working in the kitchen.
Hanni knows Minji loves cooking.
It wasn't a passion she pursued but more of a hobby she learned from her mother, who loves baking. When they were together, Minji would give her cookies and other sweets she and her mother baked during the weekend, and Hanni would eat them all during recess.
Hanni was a picky eater, so seeing her enjoy whatever she brought boosted Minji's confidence that maybe one day, she'd open her restaurant if things didn't go well with the college degree her family had chosen.
"You keep looking at the counter," Yunjin asked teasingly, "Do you like the barista?"
"No, I was just checking the menu."
Caught off guard, Hanni looked at their menu and started sipping her watermelon shake.
"You're checking the menu while we're eating these?" Danielle says, pointing at the food they ordered: at least six dishes served and three mason jars over the table, not including the glass holding Hanni's watermelon shake.
"Wait, Yunjin. I bet that girl's your type," Sunoo interrupts the convo, much to Hanni's relief.
Or so she thought.
"Nah, that's more like Hanni's type," Yunjin kicks Hanni's feet slightly, nodding to the direction of the counter, forcing Hanni to look.
It was Minji.
"Damn girl, love at first sight?" said Danielle after seeing Hanni staring at Minji, who was wearing a blue apron, preparing a drink.
"Huh? No," Hanni replied.
"She's definitely her type," said Yunjin, "I remember she told me she likes someone who loves cooking."
"Well, that's surely someone who loves to cook. I wonder if she prepared all of these too," Sunoo added, "they're delicious."
"Honestly."
Hanni couldn't care less about the topic going on with her friends. Now and then, she'd find her eyes heading towards the restaurant's counter and kitchen door. There was hope in every glance—that Minji would return her stares—followed by a spike in her heart. Sure, four years have passed, but there's no denying that she still longs for Minji.
She still yearns for her.
III. The Touch
Minji dislikes physical touch.
Physical touch was her last of all five love languages, with acts of service at the top. It's not surprising; most of her friends believe the "princess treatment" they receive from Minji reflects her love language.
It's also the reason why it comes naturally for her to tend to Hanni's needs—cook for her, help her with school work, clean Hanni's desk when she's too busy during their exams, make a playlist for her depending on their mood, open her umbrella for Hanni when rain starts pouring, and drive her home—when they were still in a relationship.
After her shift at her mom's restaurant, Minji returns to her condo unit just a few streets away.
It was the second week of December, and Minji felt the cold city breeze brush through her cheeks. The street she was passing through wasn't the busiest in town, and there were a few trees here and there that Minji treated her after-shift walks as free therapy.
Someone in a black hoodie and gray sweatpants was walking glacially just a few blocks before Minji. Never a busybody, Minji would usually walk past anyone her way. However, upon seeing the person slowly walking to the road itself and a car from a distance, Minji approached the person and patted their shoulder, only to surprise both themselves.
It was Hanni.
"Minji?"
"Hanni."
"What? Why are you here?"
"I live around here," said Minji as she gently tugged Hanni farther from the road as the car passed. Hanni watched Minji intently as the latter's eyes followed the vehicle before returning her gaze to her.
"You? Do you live here too?"
"No, I uh…" Hanni replies, "Visited a friend for a project."
Minji didn't pay much attention to Hanni's reply as she was more concerned about how she looked: exhaustion was evident in her face, noticeable in her teary eyes with prominent eye bags and pale lips. Her appearance was enough for her to understand Hanni's situation. She most likely stayed up several nights working on her schoolwork, especially since it was the end of the semester.
Minji wants to hug Hanni. Badly.
The two may have parted ways years ago, but Minji knows she still cares for Hanni. She misses Hanni. She yearns for her. However, being the one who initiated the breakup, she knows she's in no position to ask them to try again, even if she has always wanted to return.
Hanni notices Minji's grip on her arm and slowly takes it off, only for Minji to hold her hand.
"What?"
"I'll take you home."
"Huh?"
"Do you live far away here?"
"A bit, but I can commute."
"No, I insist," Minji lets go of Hanni's hand and puts hers in the pockets of her hoodie, attempting to stop herself from intertwining their fingers and kissing the back of Hanni's hand.
Hanni hates holding hands because of her sweaty palms.
Minji hates physical touch because she feels it's too intimate for her.
Yet somehow, it's their favorite gesture—a simple yet powerful way to keep themselves connected without using words.
Hanni didn't argue anymore when Minji offered to take her home for some reasons: (1) She was too tired of the activities she'd done in the past weeks. (2) She was too tired of lying to herself that she didn't miss Minji. Them somehow holding hands didn't help at all. Moreover, although Hanni hates to admit it, ever since she saw her at the restaurant, she has wanted to see her again.
That was the last time they saw each other that year.
IV. The Cupcakes
"I have some cupcakes!" said Yunjin as she dashed out of the living room and towards the kitchen. Upon Danielle's request, their friend group is watching Flipped in Yunjin's house.
"You baked these?" asks Sunoo.
"No, those were from a friend. She recently opened something like a bakeshop online, so I ordered to support her," Yunjin replies.
"I bet it was out of impulse," Danielle jokingly says, earning a laugh from the group.
"Period cravings, maybe?" Hanni says as she reaches out to the container to take a cupcake, eyeing a mint-colored one. Cupcakes have always been Hanni's favorite, but it was something no one knew about. Minji was an exception, of course.
As soon as she took a bite to taste, Hanni felt a familiar sensation. It was the same feeling she felt when Minji would bake cupcakes for her on Valentine's Day, but she immediately shrugged the thought off. Minji couldn't bake the same cupcakes she was eating at that moment. They couldn't reconnect again, somehow.
Two weeks later, Hanni's friend group would hang out at the school's garden after their dreadful finals week and meet Yunjin's friend, who "baked" the cupcakes they had enjoyed previously. It was upon Danielle's request to meet Yunjin's baker friend in an attempt to bake her version of the cupcakes. In a few minutes, a blonde, short-haired girl approached the group with someone too familiar with Hanni.
It was Minji.
Over twenty steps towards their place, Yunjin stands up and welcomes the two, hugging the blonde and then shaking the hand of the other. Minji's eyes caught Hanni's, who immediately looked away at the awkward eye contact.
"Guys, this is Winter," said Yunjin, "and Danielle, she's the baker friend I was talking about."
Winter immediately responds, "Oh no, I didn't bake those. It was hers," pointing at Minji.
Of course, it's hers, Hanni thinks to herself. The texture and flavor were all too familiar for her, so she felt dumb, shrugging off the idea that Minji actually baked those.
"Oh, that's cool! Danielle really liked the cupcakes, so… will you be able to teach her, maybe at least, the recipe? Oh yeah, and that's Sunoo, and that's Hanni," Yunjin says as she points at each one. Minji and Hanni's eyes meet once again, only this time for a more extended period. It wasn't until Danielle coughed that they broke their contact, and Hanni, in an attempt to make things less awkward, asked Danielle if she was okay.
Meanwhile, Winter finds Minji staring in Hanni's direction, nudging her to stop before the rest of the group notices. It was too late, though, as everyone felt the tension in the air, but none bothered to ask if the two knew each other or had met before.
The group spent more time with Winter and Minji, with Hanni's circle asking the two questions, ranging from their college course to their favorite car model.
A few moments later, Yunjin asks Danielle to accompany her to the restroom as she needs to go badly. On the other hand, Sunoo invites Winter to join him and buy more drinks for the group, much to Hanni's confusion.
"Should I come along?" asks Hanni.
"No, it's fine. Just stay there and guard our stuff," Sunoo replies and gives her a reassuring smile before they leave. For a moment, Hanni thinks Sunoo knows about her and Minji.
Usually, Hanni hates it when the atmosphere goes silent. However, whenever she's with Minji, silence becomes synonymous with comfort and coziness—like staying idle beside the fireplace during the winter season or sipping your favorite hot beverage at dawn—that even after the years that have gone by, she still feels the same.
Hanni couldn't bear seeing Minji, even in her peripheral vision. It wasn't because of hate or disgust; she felt like seeing Minji too much would spark her lingering feelings—those she tried suppressing but miserably failed.
Minji breaks the silence, "Did you get a chance to taste those cupcakes?"
Hanni nods in reply.
"Small world," said Minji.
"Yeah."
"Can we talk?"
"We're talking right now."
"You know what I mean."
It took a lot of effort for Hanni to finally face Minji, who had long been staring at her, "What are you willing to do to talk to me about it?"
"Everything you'd ask me."
"I'm returning home by next week."
"Same coffee shop?" Minji asks.
Hanni nods in response.
"Friday."
V. The Whys
"They caught me and immediately had me waitlisted at a school far away here," says Minji. They meet as planned—at the coffee shop where they started and ended things years ago. So much has changed since then, but both remembered every core memory they had in the place, from the first time they had to sit at one table because it was fully packed to their last sip of coffee together.
"Minji, did you really think I wouldn't understand?"
"No, Hanni, that's the thing. I know you'd understand. I just believe this isn't what you deserve. The secret dates, the hidden gifts, the lies just for our eyes to meet and hands to touch… This isn't the kind of love you deserve."
"That love kept me alive, Minji," replies Hanni, who fights the urge to reach out and hold Minji's hand, "You know how I struggled back then, especially with who I am and who I like. But you kept me happy—the kind of happiness I never thought I'd ever feel."
Minji couldn't look Hanni straight in the eye and started fidgeting.
"I was so confused and indecisive. I want to fight for us, show you to the world, and keep you in my life, but I still need to be capable of something. I have this vision for us, but I'm just a high school student… and can only live through my parents, so I just let things happen, and I'm really sorry."
"Minji, look at me."
Minji finds Hanni staring back, her soft gaze bringing comfort to her. She immediately understands that look—that she appreciates her honesty, understands what she's going through, and that although things hurt back then, things are better now.
"They also found out about everything."
"And?"
"It wasn't easy," Hanni chuckles, "but things are better now, Minji."
Minji smiles in relief.
"Minji, loving you was fighting God for me ," Hanni held back her tears, "It's so hard to go against what you've grown to, right? And the thing is, I… I don't think that fight is over yet."
"Hanni."
VI. The Present
"This one's for table 2."
"Really? I have to serve this, Mom?"
"Minji, we're a bit short-staffed."
"You told me I'll just be cooking for today," Minji says as she carries the tray outside the kitchen.
"You'll thank me later," replies her Mom, who gently taps her shoulder.
Minji immediately understands what her Mom said as she exits the counter.
She'll definitely thank her mother later as she finds a familiar face among the customers—a smiling one who has long been waiting for her.
"Here's your food. Cooked those," Minji says with pride.
"Well, thank you, chef, for the food and the special service," says the girl with a teasing smile, "I'm Hanni, by the way."
"Minji."