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It was three years to the day since I became roommates with Spencer. I knew because we had just finished celebrating our roomie-versary, as we called it, and now we were sitting at the table with tea and a chess board between us.
“Your turn,” Spencer said, his eyes on the board.
I sighed as I looked down from his handsome face to see what move he had made, knowing I still had no clue what I was doing. I picked up one of my last pawns and looked at him with a questioning gaze, wanting his approval of my move, even after he’d been trying to teach me for over a year.
He shook his head softly and looked at me with a kind smile.
I sighed even louder, giving up.
“Please can I forfeit?” I begged him.
He chuckled and nodded.
“Fine. But only because it’s our roomie-versary. Tomorrow I want to show you how to avoid losing all your pawns straight away.”
I rolled my eyes and teased him, “Thank you, Professor Reid.”
He blushed and drank the last of his tea.
“If you’re not enjoying our lessons we don’t have to continue, butterfly,” he whispered, his eyes avoiding mine.
“Hey, you know I love learning chess from you, honey,” I reassured him. “I just don’t know if my brain is capable of seeing six steps ahead like yours can.” I stood up and turned off the lamp that stands next to the table.
Spencer followed me into the kitchen with his cup, where he took mine from me and rinsed them both before putting them in the dishwasher and turning it on. He talked to me as he did so, saying,
“I think you underestimate yourself. You are very laterally intelligent, and you’re already a lot better than you were when we started.”
“Thanks Spence, that’s kind of you to say.” I whispered, and stepped behind him at the sink and wrapped my arms around him, giving him a hug. When I let go, he spun around and looked at me with a soft smile and a pink blush.
“I’m only telling you the truth, butterfly,” he whispered, his hands resting on my shoulders. I looked at him with wide eyes, and wondered if his heart was beating as fast as mine was right now.
He blinked rapidly, and stammered, “Um, is it, ah, we should go to bed now.”
“Yeah, I guess we should.” I replied, a little disappointed that he didn’t want to stay up late with me. I took his hand in mine, and led him to the bathroom like I always did before bed. When we got to the bathroom I dropped his hand and picked up his toothbrush, and put toothpaste on it. After handing him his toothbrush, I picked up my own toothbrush and did the same, and we brushed our teeth together in silence, looking at each other in the mirror fondly. He spit first, and then I did, and we put our toothbrushes in the little plastic cup right next to each other. I always loved our bed time routine, it felt so cozy and sometimes I could imagine that we were getting ready to sleep in the same bed, as a couple would.
“Good night, honey.” I said softly and kissed his cheek.
“Good night, my butterfly. Sweet dreams.” He whispered, and I turned off the bathroom light and we went to our rooms.
“Y/n, butterfly, please wake up,” Spencer cried, shaking my shoulder gently as he knelt next to my bed.
I blinked myself awake and turned to face him with a worried look.
“Honey, what’s wrong?” I knew it had to be serious, because I’d heard him yelling in his sleep during nightmares, and he didn’t wake me up after those, even though it broke my heart to hear him cry himself to sleep.
“I think I’m having a heart attack,” he rasped, hyperventilating.
“What!?” I got up and sat him down on my bed. I took a deep breath and tried to think of what I’d learnt in first aid training.
“Spencer, is the pain radiating out from your heart? Do you have a history of heart conditions?” I asked frantically.
He fell back on the bed, crouched into a foetal position, holding his chest as he struggled for breath. “Um, no.” He wheezed.
I thought it through and said, “I think you might be having a panic attack, honey.” I sat down on the bed right next to him and gently pushed his shoulder back so he wasn’t doubled over, hoping he would be able to breath better.
“Deep breaths Spence. Do you want me to call an ambulance just in case I’m wrong?”
He frowned and shook his head. “No, you’re right. I just couldn’t tell.” He said as he tried to copy my deep breathing, his body slowly unfurling and he laid back against my pillow. He was still sweating and shaking, and I stroked his chest and shoulders to try to ground him.
“You’re safe, honey. I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere. You’re going to be okay, Spence.” I whispered, trying to comfort him. He seemed to breathe a little easier, and after a while he stopped shaking. I kept stroking his shoulders and I wiped the sweat off of his forehead with my sleeve.
“I’m sorry for waking you up,” he muttered weakly.
“You don’t have to apologise, honey. I want to help you,” I whispered, and leaned down to kiss his forehead. He shed a tear that shined under my nightlight, and I wiped it away.
“Do you want to talk about it, Spence?” I ask him, after a moment of looking into each other’s eyes and deep breathing.
“Not really. I just, I’ve been having nightmares again, and I’m sleeping less, and I think it’s starting to take a physiological toll.”
I choked back a tear of my own and stroked his hair.
“I wish I could make it all better, honey. But you know I want to be here for you however I can, so please wake me up or just get in bed beside me when you’ve had a nightmare, or you can’t sleep.”
“Really?” He whispered, his eyes unsure.
I nodded, stood up slowly, and walked around to the other side of my bed and got in. I got comfortable and took a breath as I got closer to Spencer. He turned to look at me, his face smushed against my pillow.
“Can I hold you, my butterfly?” He whispered pleadingly.
I simply smiled and put my arm around his back, pressing him close to me. My face came closer to his on the pillow and I felt his now gentle breaths over my neck. His hand slid over my waist and stroked my lower back with his long fingers.
“Thank you, for everything you do for me. I don’t know why you do it, but I’m very glad you do.” He said in a shy tone.
I smiled, and then frowned slightly. “Spencer, my honey dear. I’d do anything for you. I love you.” I said, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
“Oh,” was all he replied, first with a frown of confusion, but it quickly turned into a giant grin.
“Yeah,” I grinned back, but suddenly felt a little nervous. “Do you, um, feel that way too?”
He chuckled softly, and pulled me closer.
“I thought that was obvious. Of course I love you, my beautiful butterfly.”
“That’s good,” I chuckled, and slid my hand up his back and the other into his hair, pulling his lips towards mine.
“May I?” I whispered, our lips an inch apart. He didn’t respond, but pressed his lips to mine in the softest manner possible. I sighed as if a weight was lifted from my shoulders, and kept kissing him until he pulled back for breath.
“I love you so much. I wish I’d told you sooner,” he breathed.
“So do I. But now we have each other, completely. And we have the rest of our lives to spend together.” I whispered, and kissed him again, before I laid back on our pillow and he put his head on my chest. He snuggled into me and I wrapped my arms around him, and he whispered,
“I can’t wait.”