Chapter Text
“Mr. Di Angelo, have you been listening?’
Was his heart usually this loud? Loud enough that he could hear it pounding against his ears, showing no signs of slowing down. Nico slowed his breath, attempting to hush the relentless drumbeat echoing within him. He tried to decipher why he had to fight off a heart attack at the ripe age of 20. Maybe it was the five classes he decided to take this semester. Maybe it was the 2 hours of sleep he allowed himself throughout the day. Maybe it was his diet of iced coffees and painkillers. Maybe it was the fact that when he did eat, it was a large McDonald’s fry.
‘A large McDonald’s fry. Fuck, that sounds so good right now.’ he thought to himself through his agonizing headache. If given the chance after this stupid meeting, he could stop by the McDonald’s before his 7 PM class-
‘Mr. Di Angelo, you are at risk for not graduating on time. Please take this seriously.”
Shaking off the mere exhaustion that could knock out a horse, Nico sat up in his chair. He let out an embarrassed chuckle. “I apologize, Sir,” he choked out, “What was this about not graduating on time? My scholarship requires me to at least get my bachelor’s within four years. I’ve been taking extra units. I’m-”
“Have you decided on a major yet, Di’ Angelo?”
Nico began to chew on his tongue; a bad habit he had picked up during his childhood. With a sense of shame, he averted his gaze from the guidance counselor's disapproving eyes. His attention shifted to the ostentatious gold-plated name adorning the counselor's desk - "DR. CHIRON Ph.D." Stupid Name.
The counselor sighed, breaking the silence.
“Look, son, I’ll give it to you. You are on the dean’s list. You have received nothing but satisfactory grades throughout your time here. But it is crucial you decide your major before this semester ends. All your general courses will have been completed and with this track record, any of the programs in New Rome University would be glad to have you. I heard the Human Sciences department just got approved for a 100 thousand dollar grant. The STEM program here also-,” The older man cut himself off when he saw the sulking eyes of the black-haired boy in front of him. He sighed and took a thorough look at the young man.
Nicolò D'Angelo. He had been with the boy since orientation day, he could recognize the boy’s Italian accent anywhere. Amid the past two years, the boy’s olive-tone skin had transformed into an almost ghostly pallor, accompanied by dark eye bags. His dark hair had become shaggier and unkept and he could swear the aviator jacket he wore had gone from well-fitting to loose around his shoulders. He was shrinking in the chair in front of him. His desperation to leave radiated from the gaze of his dark brown eyes, a silent plea for an escape from the unseen weight that pressed upon his shoulders.
“What have you eaten today, my boy?”
Nico’s eyes went wide for a second. He paused briefly before answering, “I think I’ll get some fries after this…”
‘It’s 6 PM, Nicolo, Have you not-”
“It’s Nico. I’m Nico.” The boy’s brows furrowed as he sank deeper into his seat.
“Okay, yes, I apologize, Nico , have you eaten anything else today? I worry for you.”
Nico rose abruptly from his chair, a tense stillness in the air as his breath caught in his throat. Swiftly, he snatched his book bag, effortlessly draping it over his shoulder “I have a class soon. I will have a major picked out by the end of the semester. Can I just go now or what? ” the cold edge in his voice cutting through the room. Disappointed, but not surprised, the counselor dismissively waved him off.
‘Do as you must. Just keep this conversation in the back of your mind. OH! ” Nico looked back as he began to walk away. “Also, please consider speaking to William about the Pre-Med course! Maybe that might interest you. He is also a Mental Health Advisor here on campus.”
Huh? “Who?” Nico asked, a firm grasp on the exit door handle.
“That roommate of yours? Mr. Solace?”
Oh…yeah.
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll do that,” Nico muttered as he shut the door behind him.
—
“I swear it was a waste of my time. No shit I have to decide on a major,” Nico ranted through the mouthful of fries he had successfully acquired after walking out of the Guidance counselor's office.
“Well, have you ever thought about it? About a life after college?” Jason Grace asked, swiping a fry from his friend’s desk.
In the realm of college friendships, Jason Grace stood out as one of the precious few companions Nico had successfully connected with. It mostly had to do with their schedules being so similar since freshman year. However, while Nico made sure to fill his schedule with as many classes as possible in hopes of suffocating any personal thought, Jason had done it out of pure motivation. In contrast to Nico, Jason harbored ambitions beyond the confines of their college existence. His goal was to expedite his graduation and eventually take over his father's business.
“Of course I have..” Nico answered slyly.
“Bullshit,” Jason answered, poking Nico with a fry. “Like dude, what are you afraid of?”
”Afraid?” Nico scoffed, rolling his eyes.
Truth was, he was terrified. Nico had been desperate. His ambition to enter New Rome was palpable. The distance between college and his old life seemed vast, the stark life he desperately sought to escape. So desperate. He had taken 6 AP courses and cried when he got his acceptance letter. So desperate. He wanted to start anew but he had no idea what he wanted once he was out of college. He had gotten this far, why couldn't everything just slow down?
“Yes, afraid . I think you should consider what you’re gonna do with your life. I’m always here to talk, you know. Wouldn't kill you to open up.”
“It just might, four eyes.” Mockingly, Nico shoved Jason’s glasses up the bridge of his nose with a jab of his finger. With a chuckle, Jason went back to work, as Nico sat in silence watching him. The professor had allowed them to work on assignments in class instead of listening to lectures. In all honesty, Nico had no idea what the subject of this class was. It was all a blur to him. He simply sought any reason to break free from his life, submerge himself in distractions, and avoid confronting issues his body so desperately needed fixed. Any classwork assigned, he would do at home. It gave him an excuse to stay up late anyway.
Nico brought his knees up to his chest. “You know…the counselor said I should speak to the Cowboy.”
Jason raised an eyebrow but kept his gaze on his work, “Your roommate? What’s that about?”
“- Said he’s a pre-med student and a ‘Mental Health Rep’ or something. Like dude, just say I look depressed.” Nico chuckled.
“Hm..” The blonde leaned his hand against his cheek, head turning slightly to face Nico. “What’s your roommate’s name again? You call him ‘Yee-Haw’ and 'the Cowboy’ so much I've forgotten.”
“Will Solar System. Something like that.”
“Jesus Christ, Nico. Will Solace? The guy’s been on the news before I think. You know that girl Clarisse?”
“Miss Anger Issues? Yeah. She just plays sports, someone needs to tell her it's not that serious.” Nico scoffed, remembering all the times Clarisse had made scenes in the middle of campus. She would bump into shoulders, yell “Do you know who I am?’, and make scenes during home games. Ugh.
“Yeah, her, well apparently she had like the biggest panic attack during Nationals. Olympic Scouts were there. Big deal. We’re talking, crying, and throwing up. She was about to break chairs-”
“Sounds about right.”
“Shh, be a smartass later. Okay so, there she was, hyperventilating and crying, and who comes in and calms her down? Will Solace. He like jumps over the bleachers and starts grabbing her down, the cameras are all zooming in like an action movie. Then she cries in his arms. Afterward, everyone’s like ‘How did you do it’ and he wouldn't answer, he just smiled and said ‘It's personal. It's personal, just let her rest,’ or something. And it's crazy because I don't think I've ever seen anyone calm Clarisse down.” Jason looked at Nico’s disinterested face. ‘Get to the point’ it read.
Jason sighed, “I just think it's funny, almost. That you don't know him even though he’s your literal roommate. Doesn’t he do your laundry? The dude’s a nice guy. He's a familiar face around here and- ” Jason braced himself for Nico’s reaction. “...His mom is Naomi Solace…Famous country singer. I heard she’s on tour.”
Nico broke out into a fit of laughter that earned him shushes from students around him. “HAH. The Cowboy, what did I tell you!” He coughed out in between muffled laughter.
“Laugh it up. But really? You’ve never even had a conversation with him? It's been almost a year, right?”
"Seven months," Nico corrected with a wistful tone, the words hanging in the air like a delicate sigh. As the professor's phone alarm pierced the stillness, its abruptness marked the end of their conversation. Hastily, the two boys started packing their items away, the rustling of papers and the clinking of pens echoing in the now bustling room.
"I know I joke, but he's an okay guy," Nico mused, his gaze momentarily distant. With a reflective smile, he continued, crumpling up the McDonald's bag on his desk, its golden arches now wrinkled. "It's not like I avoid him," he added, the words carrying a touch of sincerity. "We hardly see each other is all."
The blonde put his backpack on and nodded. “Still, maybe you should strike up a conversation with the guy. Maybe he’s afraid of you” he teased.
Nico laughed. “Oh yeah, I’m soo terrifying”
“You’re off-putting”
Nico hurled his crumpled McDonald’s bag at Jason.
—
During the second semester of his freshmen year, Nico had been looking to move out of the campus dorms. The catalyst for this desire was when his dorm mate had come in one unfaithful night and vomited on his bed; with Nico in the bed to take in all his glory. At some point after that incident, he stumbled across a “ROOMMATE WANTED :)” poster on a bulletin board by the financial aide office. The poster had been bright and covered in stupid clipart that would ordinarily repel any discerning eye. But Nico, as life had repeatedly shown him, was desperate.
And so, Nico had found himself sitting at the apartment for an interview with Will... Solstice? Something like that . The apartment was only a short bike ride from campus. It was modern-chic, those types of apartments with grey flooring and fully furnished. He had sat across from Will in the living room. His initial impression of Will was, well, “Yee-Haw”. He was clad in worn boot-cut jeans and a pair of cowboy boots. He wore a white NEW ROMAN UNIVERSITY shirt tucked into his jeans; his face was framed by curls of blonde hair. He remembered being impressed by how blue someone’s eyes could be. Nico had initially thought he had no chance of getting the apartment. While Will’s outfit screamed “Yeehaw”, and Christ, that southern accent didn't help , he also looked ready to haul three kegs into some frat house. Yet, somehow, through the stuttering and awkward laughs, the goth boy had managed to impress him. Only 20 minutes after the interview Will had texted him.
“Let me know if you need help bringing your stuff in! can't wait to have you around, dude!”
Nico has assumed that Will had chosen him because of his quiet demeanor. Nico was not the party type, nor did he look it. He wouldn't come into the apartment batshit drunk. He didn't have many friends to invite over. He was reserved, and quiet, the ideal roommate for someone who didn't want any dramatics. No other reason came to mind; he knew better than to think Mr. Cowboy expected a friendship out of him. Regardless, their conflicting and tight schedules allowed them to coexist without needing to speak to one another. At most, Will would leave sticky notes around the house.
“GONNA DO LAUNDRY. LMK IF YOU WANT ME TO WASH YOUR CLOTHES”
“MADE DINNER. HELP YOURSELF”
“INVITED TO PARTY. WILL BE HOME LATE. DW I WONT BE LOUD”
Their longest conversations were when Will went out for his morning run and was greeted by Nico, sometimes still awake from an all-nighter. It was always small banter. Insignificant. But Nico couldn't complain. He could do anything but. Despite their differences, Nico and Will had managed to create a harmonious living arrangement, each following their own paths without intruding on the other's space. Yet the idea of starting a meaningful conversation with his roommate lingered in Nico's mind. Was Will waiting for Nico to start a conversation? Nico would admit, he wasn't the most welcoming person. It had taken weeks of constant bickering with Jason Grace for the two to become friends- and even then, Jason always initiated the conversations.
—
Nico felt the beads of sweat drop down his forehead. The air was thick with the distinct aroma of asphalt and the sweet scent of evening grass, enveloping him in a sensory embrace. The night air always calmed Nico’s nerves. The wheels of his bike smoothly transitioned from the campus road to the apartment driveway, a melodic hum accompanying the glide. He slowly came to a stop by his front door. It had to be around ten at night; Will would be fast asleep by now. A thought crossed Nico's mind as he dismounted – a fleeting thought; “What am I going to do with my life?”
His surroundings seemed to blur momentarily as he stood by the entrance, caught in the crossroads of uncertainty and the porch light. The hushed stillness of the night amplified the loud rhythm of his heartbeat. A subtle grunt escaped his lips, breaking the silence, followed by a mutter under his breath, "Che cazzo.." The words echoed like a secret shared between him and the moon, a confession of his own insecurities.