Chapter Text
He hated it.
The first few years of his life, he loved that day... getting the attention of his Dad, craving that desperately needed approval, and seeing how happy his Dad was with him. Blowing out candles on a cake with his name and his father's logo, opening gifts themed after his 'little' obsession with Heroes, and playing with his little sister.
At the end of the day, falling asleep with a small, happy smile on his face, hugging the Endeavor plush, excited for the next day and being a day closer to his next birthday.
- Time skip -
Quiet sobs can be heard through the alley, muffled by the fabric of his dirty, run-down pants as he tries to suppress any sounds, hiding his face in his knees, not wanting any attention.
He wished he could drink or smoke enough to make him forget this day, forget what it used to be, and what it is now for him, forget who he was before and who this day belonged to.
Even if it put him in a coma or killed him, he couldn't care less. Hell, he should have been dead years ago.
It was frustrating not being able to forget, not being able to let go of the memories of that life.
- Flashback -
After his Dad realized he would never become what was expected and just tried to get the child he wanted while Touya was left to watch his father move on, it broke him.
On his birthday, each year he grew older, a constant reminder of how fast his father could move on while Touya was stuck, still craving that attention, even if it killed him one day.
Each year, his birthdays got more depressing.
The birthday cake that once was decorated with his name and the logo of his father or at least some hero-like theme was now just a plain cake, not even having his name on it anymore.
The presents once filled with his obsession were now turning into things he didn't want or didn't interest him, just because his family wanted him to stop dreaming, stop thinking about heroes, or having anything that could support his obsession.
- Time skip -
The years he spent on the streets were the same, stealing to stay alive and spending the small amount of money he made on small jobs where he quickly got fired for either stealing or being high on the job to spend on more drugs, trying to make him forget his thoughts and feelings while conscious and forget the hunger he's feeling.
On his birthdays, he always tried to spend the money he had to get more substances that made it bearable. But even then, he couldn't fully forget, no matter how hard he tried. It always ended in a bad trip, spiraling down all the memories of his past and how messed up he ended because of one man.
On one of those 'special' days, hiding in one of the many alleys trying to escape the winter weather, even though thanks to his quirk it's making him survive the cold weather, he'd rather not stay in the middle of the cold streets and stay hidden from the rest of the world in a small alley.
On that day, he chose an alley of a convenience store. He knew people were bothered by his presence when they noticed him.
That's why he tries to stay hidden, just living, or rather surviving, and hoping the world ignores him like his family did.
But as he was laying on an old, shabby mattress, his head spinning and dealing heavily and cloudily, he hears footsteps towards his way.
He didn't react to the sound, keeping his eyes closed, knowing he will get motion sick if he opens them to a blurry and spinning vision.
He already knew the noise was probably just his mind playing tricks again, maybe a hallucination of Fuyumi walking closer and asking if he's alright while his blood-tear-covered and starving body has to lie to his small baby sister, telling her he's alright,
or a hallucination of his father walking up to him with his cold eyes telling him to stop his dream just like that, without considering what he wants, what his purpose was, just wanting to give up on him without a second thought, like it was that easy to just give up what he was made for and dreamed to become.
But no, not one of those hallucinations that plague his mind, no memory replaying on loop in his head as he pleads for them to stop normally.
He gasps and sits up, looking around with a blurry vision as he feels someone dump something mushy and cold on him. As he has a few seconds to squint his eyes and try to make out the figure in front of him his eyes widen, seeing an actual person standing in front of him.
As he looks down at himself, he frowns seeing... cake. What a sick joke of the universe just saying fuck you to him again.
As he looks at the person again, he makes out that they wear a uniform of the convenient store the dumpsters in this alley belong to.
He can barely make out the voice of the employee angrily telling him something, but he already could guess he's not welcome.
So without understanding barely a word, he just nods even though it makes his head spin worse, just giving him a reminder of his motion sickness.
But despite that, he stands up and grabs the little things he owns before stumbling towards the exit of the alley, feeling even more unwanted by the world and filthier than he already was. At least he got a cake this year, even though this one is spoiled and not wanted by anyone anymore. Well, it fits at least to him.. So maybe that cake was made for him?
- Time skip -
During the time in the league, Dabi found a place to be himself, to be Dabi and be wanted, even needed by the people, cared for,
having Magne like a best friend always to talk to,
having Toga annoy him like a little sibling, even though he doesn't show it he wouldn't want her to change a thing,
having Tomura as a boss and even considering him a friend, even though sometimes how they treat each other could be considered brother-like,
and Twice being there as a moral support, never having anything negative to say about anyone and just appreciating each member.
And lastly, someone who changed his life the most without even the attention to it, and Dabi not even thinking he wanted that kind of change, he couldn't think of life without that now.
Having Mr. Compress as a partner, someone who listened to his rants and talks about feelings, never having the time or person to talk about that and discover himself enough to know what he's feeling, having someone that he can listen to for days if he can to Atsuhiro talking about the world and anything he could imagine.
Dabi loved it, just listening to Compress make everything sound interesting, and at the same time, he could fall asleep just by the calmness of his voice.
Compress never forces him to talk or add anything to his talks, Compress loved to talk a lot and Dabi loved to listen, even if it meant hours.
But he also loved that Compress just listened and was so understanding; he doubted it was humanly possible, but Compress keeps going beyond his expectations.
It took Dabi a while to understand his feelings for Atsuhiro.
If it weren't for Atsuhiro's patience, waiting for Dabi to be ready and understanding his own feelings, Dabi would have never guessed he could feel something so intense again, or feel at all.
Atsuhiro was everything he never knew he needed so badly, feeling like life wasn't possible without him around.
So, Atsuhiro was the one who got to know Touya too. Even then, Compress showed nothing but understanding, care, and comfort as Dabi told him about the life he wanted to erase and those who made him who he is today.
As the new year rolls around, it meant Dabi was getting closer to the day he wanted to skip, to not experience again. Since he's in the League, he promised them not to do anything stupid like taking substances again.
Initially surprised by the worry and concern they all showed when they discovered Dabi took them, he slowly stopped, ignoring what he was doing to his own body and mind. Seeing them care made him quit fully, with not many setbacks on that journey.
But still, at that moment, he wanted to have something to at least not make him fully conscious on that day. However, he knew it would worry the others even more, especially Atsuhiro, who would try everything to make him feel better. But he knew nothing really helped; that day was something that can't be changed nor saved.