Work Text:
As per usual after having unbelievable and god tier levels of sex to the point Kizzy thought she might have ended up in heaven, she's now thinking. This normally the inevitable point where she starts asking Kaito questions that no one has any business asking. They've discussed what would happen if Kizzy was a worm, and even if Kaito turned into one with her or if he didn't. They've also talked about what animal they wanted to be when they died, and Kaito kept saying the same animal as Kizzy so they could get married even in the animal kingdom (he's a hopeless romantic, honestly). Kaito doesn't usually ask questions, but says how much he loves her- and also how many people he'd go through to prove it to her. Kizzy has a love hate relationship with the craziness that spews from his mouth, mainly because knows she'll be going in for round four when both of them know that they have work in the morning if he keeps talking to her like that.
But after making Kaito scream her name to the high heavens and visa versa, they both laid together in the warm light of their lamp. Kizzy was attempting to be big spoon tonight, with Kaito laying on her chest. She ran a hand through his long hair, thinking about how it would look nice with a braid. Kaito absent-mindedly placed kisses to her torso every now and then, waiting for words that would soon come.
"Do you think we're good people?"
Kaito stopped mid-kiss, his lips warm on her chest. He looked up at her, waiting for her to continue. Kizzy shifted, she opened up her own can of worms now and it was a bit heavier than she thought it would be. "I mean like, do you think we're good enough? If we die, you think we're seeing the pearly gates?"
"If?"
"I mean, I plan to live until the heat death of the universe," Kizzy joked, "but if you plan on kicking the bucket in your eighties, then what would be the point?"
Kaito ran his hand across her waist before murmuring, "I will die when you do, so I guess we're both living forever."
"You're so cheesy!"
"Only for you." Kizzy laughed softly, another hand running through his hair. He looked up at her. "But what brought this up?"
Kizzy sighed, looking up at the ceiling. "I don't know. I mean, I was thinking about it yesterday too. You know, since I don't have the greatest track record with women."
**
Kizzy wasn't always Kizzy. Kizzy used to be _________, but that's too far in the past. Everyone who was anyone knew that she was Kizzy, but rarely did they say that she was a 'she'. She's always seen as a man, and Kizzy knows that's her fault. She doesn't want surgery, long hair is annoying (she tried it), and she doesn't want her voice to get any higher. She likes how she sounds now, she likes everything about herself. But few people notice who she is like this; they don't see the true version of herself.
It's the reason her heart became stone cold, and the reason she joined Doubt. These women don't see her as one of them, so why should she give a damn about what happens to any of them? Why should Kizzy do anything but hand them over to Doubt, kick the shit out of others, and get paid to fill her soul with food, nail polish, and new clothes. But with everything Kizzy tried to buy to make her smile, Doubt would ruin it. They knew her former name, so there would always be someone going "Oi, _____" or "_____, get the stuff!" She only got to be called Kizzy when she did really well, as if she needed to earn her name and the right to be a woman.
**
"I was awful, you know," Kizzy said, sighing, "I beat people up, killed people, and took women, just to make myself feel better." She sighed. "I think I ruined my life before it even got to start, considering I'm a terrible person."
"I'm not much better, remember?" Kaito spoke calmly. "We were both terrible."
**
"______, we have someone new for you to work with." Kizzy didn't spare a glance at the Doubt member talking to her as she did her makeup in her compact. The only person she answers to is Ranmaru, and she doesn't even like that guy. She let the guy keep talking. "You're the only one that might last working with him, everyone else quits or ends up in the hospital. And hey, he might actually call ya by that nickname. He's over here-" Kizzy cut him off by rolling her eyes and walking off.
"It's not a nickname. It's my name, jackass." She muttered under her breath. Kizzy might as well meet the guy. She spotted him when another Doubt member pointed her in his direction. He was in a black hoodie and some ripped jeans, munching on a sandwich while leaning against a wall. The first thing Kizzy noticed was that he was tall, and she liked his hair.
Before she could tell him her name, the same Doubt member spoke first. "Kaito! This is _____! He's gonna be with you from now on, if he can last, that is."
The guy, Kaito, ignored the other guy and glanced at Kizzy. She didn't know it at the time, but he saw how she clenched her fists. Kizzy could only fight so many people, argue with so many Doubt guys before they squeal to Ranmaru, and she's met her limit for the month already. No matter how badly she wanted to punch him, she couldn't.
"I know you." Kaito's voice was even as he acknowledged Kizzy's presence. "You're the woman I saw when I was coming back in from a job. I heard some others talking about how you handled some other scouts." Woman? He knew? He knew and he understood her? Got her for who she was? Kizzy had never noticed him until now, but he clearly noticed her.
Kaito looked back to the other Doubt member. "She's strong, right?"
"We only let the strongest guys with you Kaito, the rest'll slow you do-"
"That's not a man."
"Did ya get in a fight and mess up your eyes? That isn't a-" Too late. It was clear that Kaito had enough of him. In a flash, he had his hand wrapped around the man's throat, the grip was strong enough to get his feet off the ground.
"I don't let anyone disrespect my partners, especially when it comes from someone who works less than I do." His voice had dropped and octave, and Kizzy would be lying if it didn't make her smirk and feel something between her legs. Kaito turned his head towards Kizzy nonchalantly. He kept his uncaring expression as he asked her, "So what's your real name?"
She blinked, as if forgetting where she was for a second. "It's Kizzy."
"Kizzy." Kaito repeated, finally dropping the man. Kizzy's face soured ever so slightly at the fact he was still conscious, and Kaito picked up on that.
"You'd have choked him out longer?"
Kizzy nodded. "I would have, but then Ranmaru would be on my ass. I already knocked out enough of our coworkers this month." Kaito seemed to understand, watching at the guy coughed and hacked as he got away as quickly as possible.
"The next guy who says stupid shit, let me know."
"Why? You don't need to help me, we just met."
"I expect my partner to have my back, so I do the same. Besides that though," Kaito's eyes turned sadistic, and he smiled, "I just like having an excuse to fuck somebody up."
The two of them became partners, friends, and then partners in a much different way. They were called crazy, with the two of them loving when the other punched someone's teeth in. All they ever did was eat, sleep, brawl, and have crazy sex. Every day was like that, and every day was perfect for Kizzy. She didn't care about anyone except for Kaito and he only saw her.
**
"If not for Rocky," Kizzy said, "We wouldn't have ever changed." Kaito kissed her cheek, then her neck.
"Not true."
"It so is. We fed off of each other."
"Maybe, but," he rolled them both so that Kizzy was straddling his waist. He looked up, eyes trained on hers, "you were already changing, even if I wasn't."
**
One day, life stopped being all that for Kizzy. It was a slow change, that she wasn't even aware of right away. Small things that made her laugh didn't any longer. Even fighting was becoming boring.
She had just stopped a woman from escaping Doubt, and prepared to pick her up and carry her back to the truck. The woman, as most of them did, tried to fight back, but Kizzy was used to this. She grabbed both of the woman's wrists to stop her from resisting. But then something in Kizzy changed. She looked at the woman in the eyes, and Kizzy felt... pity. This woman probably had so much life to live, a family that was waiting for her. Maybe even someone that was her own Kaito.
Kizzy let go of her wrists. "Get out of here." The woman's eyes widened, as if expecting this to be some form of a trick. Kizzy took a step back. "Go. Now." Kizzy watched the woman bolt away, and Kizzy turned back towards where the group was. She got yelled at by the team leader because Kizzy's never let anyone go. Kizzy just doesn't mess up. Not on purpose.
Kaito looked at her and signed as they walked. "You okay?"
"I'm fine."
"Do you promise?"
Kizzy's hands froze. She looked away; her and Kaito never lie to one another. They never will. He put his hand in hers, signing with one instead of two. "Kiz."
"I... can we talk about this later?" Kaito nodded, and kissed her forehead.
Later came at their apartment after Kizzy made dinner (something she rarely does). When she brought their plates to the table, Kaito scooped her into his lap. "Talk."
"Kaito..."
"You let a woman go, you never do that."
"What, you gonna get on my ass about it too?"
"Kiz. Don't shut me out."
"I can do what I want."
"What are you so afraid of right now?"
"Afraid?" Kizzy got out of his grip and turned to her boyfriend, "Do I look afraid to you?"
"You're overcompensating, so yes, you do. Don't do this to yourself."
"Do what? I'm fucking fine!"
Kaito's eyes seemed to stare into her soul. He kept his voice calm, never raising it towards her. "Don't yell at me."
She knows she shouldn't yell, they both hate being yelled at and it doesn't do any of them any good. Kizzy ran a hand through her hair. "Yeah, fuck, I'm sorry. I don't know, I really don't. I've just been so fucked up. I wouldn't- you wouldn't understand."
Kaito stood up and came closer to her. He slowly touched her hands, caressing them gently. "Then speak," he said gently, "and make me understand." He tilted her head up to look up at him. Kaito was always like this, never letting out his harsh tone on her and always making her calm down. Granted, it worked every time with no issue, but Kizzy hated that she was like this. She hated being seen as weak or as something that needs protecting. She can handle herself. She knows she can.
"I don't think I'm happy anymore." Kizzy admitted quietly. Kaito's eyes turned worried, and Kizzy quickly followed up. "I'm not like depressed or anything. It's not like that." She sighed. "I just... when I looked into that woman's eyes I felt bad, like truly bad. I couldn't bring myself take her and now I'm thinking too much. I'm happy when I'm with you on dates or home or anywhere, but then I go into Doubt for work and... I lose that happiness even when I'm with you."
"Then should we quit?"
Kizzy laughed. "You say it like it's that easy."
"It is. You're unhappy, so we leave."
"Yeah, and have Ranmaru hunt us down or go to jail for this life and the next? I deserve it but they wouldn't put me in a woman's prison." Kizzy laughed wryly at what she said. She can't stand herself right now. "I sound fucked up. I took so many people, ruined lives, destroyed families, and I don't want to go to jail because I'll be put in the men's prison." Kizzy's hands shook. "God... what's happening to me?"
Kaito pulled her close, holding onto her tightly. "You're okay, Kiz. You're alright." His hands were gentle as they rubbed her back. "No matter what you choose, I'm coming with you."
"You don't have to."
"If I'm not going somewhere with the person I love, then what's the point?"
**
"You were already going to find a way out even before we met Rocky," Kaito said, "he was just the best option. A way for us to write our wrongs."
Kizzy leaned down and kissed him softly. "You are so good at making me feel better about myself."
"Because I'm in love with you and I know what makes you happy." Kizzy chuckled, sliding off of Kaito's lap and laying next to him. She looked into his eyes, and kissed his forehead. He questioned, "What was that for?"
"For telling me what I always want to hear."
"No, I'm honest with you, you just have a lot of good qualities." He ran a hand through her hair, giving a small smile. "I should probably answer our question, hm?" Kizzy nodded, waiting to hear what Kaito would say.
"If heaven is real, then so is the whole concept of repenting. We've repented ever since creating the White Rascals. We both regret everything we did, and the hurt we caused. You aren't the same person with hate, and I'm not the same emotionless sadist. We might not have been perfect, or even good people, but I believe we are good people now. And if that isn't enough, and we don't end up in heaven..." Kaito turned off the lamp and moved closed to Kizzy. "Then I'll happily walk with you into hell."
Kizzy closed her eyes, sighing softly as she let the words her lover said sink in. What does she say back to that? She loves him, and he knows that well enough. So she said the only thing that she could.
"You're so cheesy."
"Only for you."