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Josh watched the whole party from the couch. He didn't feel like having a good time, so he just sat back and watched (and social anxiety doesn't help). It actually felt nice to just kind of spy on everyone. He learned a lot about people. He noticed things about people that he hadn't before. He saw how Brendon got nervous meeting new people and how Patrick laughed at jokes he didn't understand, how Joe was mainly the one telling those jokes. He also noticed how care free Tyler could be in a place like this. He noticed how he talked to everyone and laughed and drank and just had a good time.
Now, Josh did want to have fun so when someone handed him the occasional joint he definitely took a hit. He wasn't an animal. So a stoned Josh watched the party, party meaning Tyler, and he learned a lot. He noticed how flirty Tyler could be if he was in the right atmosphere and he wanted to see if he'd be like that with him, but couldn't be bothered to move.
Josh started thinking that maybe he loved Tyler, but he wasn't totally sure. He thought Tyler was hot and was able to get off when thinking about him but that doesn't necessarily equate to love. He didn't want to think about maybe loving Tyler anymore so he pulled out his phone to check the time. It was getting late and they all had to be up early to leave for the next city, so he decided to leave. After waiting outside for a few minutes he was able to get a taxi and get back to the hotel. Josh loved hotel nights.
He flicked on the light and noticed Tyler's things spread all over his bed. Tyler could be messy sometimes. Josh grabbed some clothes, made a mental note to wake up early and do laundry, and headed to the shower. He was starting to come down from his high and he was also starting to think about Tyler again. The water ran down his body as he rested his head against the cool shower wall, dick in hand. This was becoming a routine. A really sad, borderline creepy routine.
After he came he washed his hair and stood under the water for a few minutes, listening to see if Tyler was back yet. He concluded that he wasn't and turned off the water. Josh didn't dry off, just put on his boxers, brushed his teeth, and climbed into his bed. He didn't know what state Tyler was in so he kept the light on just in case. He thought it'd be a nice gesture. He'd want someone to do it for him. It didn't take long for him to fall asleep, only waking up an hour later to Tyler walking in. He waited to fall back asleep until the lights were off.
Josh woke up to his alarm blaring and quickly shut it off as to not wake up Tyler. He gathered a load of clothes and headed towards the hotel's laundry room. He walked in and was surprised to find Pete seated on the dryer, furiously vibrating underneath him.
"Your clothes smell, too?" Pete asked after he finished off his coffee. He tossed the empty cup into the trash and, not surprisingly, pulled another one out of thin air.
"Yeah, figured I'd might as well do it now than later." Josh set his clothes in the washer and bought some off brand detergent from a multi purpose vending machine.
Pete nodded in agreement. "Hey, man, can I ask you something? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, my questions a little invasive."
"Yeah, ask away." Josh said and turned on the washer. He then mimicked Pete by taking a seat on his own designated large appliance.
"Are you and Tyler fucking?"
If Josh had a drink it'd be on the floor. "Uh, no. Why?"
"I don't know. The way you watch him. I noticed you at the party last night, but I guess I should've realized it was a no when you left and he didn't follow." Pete paused, debating on whether he should ask his next question. He decided to anyway. "Do you want to fuck him?"
Once again, if Josh had a drink it'd be all over. "I- uh."
"Like I said you don't have to answer. I'm just curious."
Josh thought for a second, but then decided that, hey, it's Pete. He can talk to Pete. "Yeah. I guess I do."
"Do you like, like him? Or just think he's hot?"
"I don't know. I definitely think he's hot. I don't know if I like him like that, though."
"That's understandable. I've been in this position before, if you need someone to talk to I'm here for you man." Pete took a drink of his coffee and patted Josh's shoulder. The dryer was still making his body shake. Josh thought it was kind of funny to watch.
"Thanks, dude. Means a lot." Josh smiled and eyed Pete's coffee. "Mind if I have a drink?" Pete hesitated before handing over his cup.
Pete stayed and hung out with Josh while his clothes dried and when they finished the two each went back to their rooms. Josh put slid his key in the door and made his way inside, staying quiet for the sake of Tyler. He laid out a change of clothes and packed the rest away into his suitcase. He'd be all packed up way before they had to leave, but it'd give him time to actually get a decent breakfast for once.
He left a note for Tyler, saying he'd be down the street at the Denny's if he woke up and wanted to come join him. It was a chilly morning so he threw on his coat and made the walk down the road. Josh was pleased to walk into a near empty restaurant, he got seated towards the back and told the hostess that a friend might be meeting him and that if he shows to send him back this way. She nodded and went back to her post.
He ordered a coffee, eggs, bacon, sausage, and hash browns. He'd been hungry since last night and wanted to be full to start the ride to god knows where. He also ordered Tyler's favorite in case he decided to show. (He didn't. Josh pretended he wasn't disappointed.)
Once back to the hotel he threw out the note he left, Tyler was in the shower. He must not have seen it. Josh can't blame him, he didn't know there was going to be a note for him. He simply didn't know to look. Josh grabbed his bag and ran it out to the bus, shoving it into his bunk for the time being.
It didn't take long for everyone else to get around and ready to leave, which was surprising considering how late they'd been last time. Josh and Tyler spent the beginning of the ride playing mario kart and fucking around. That's when Josh realized that, yeah, he liked Tyler. He didn't really care, though. He'd always liked him, he just now understood it.
Okay, that's a lie. Josh cared. He cared a lot. Josh was impulsive and it got him into trouble sometimes, but he didn't learn.
"Hey, Tyler."
Tyler stopped what he was doing and looked at Josh. "Yeah?"
Josh didn't think. He just kissed. And Tyler kissed back, of course, people always kiss back in stories like this. Things got heated and they got each other off and it was nice. That was the end of that experience. Kind of.
Josh and Tyler's experiences with each other grew more and more, they started happening in more risky places and Josh was pretty pleased with it all. For a while, he was.
"Ty?" Tyler was currently sucking on Josh's neck and he hummed in reply, to busy to use his words. "I love you."
Tyler stopped what he was doing. He stood up and backed away. "No," he began. "You aren't supposed to say that. You are not supposed to say that."
Josh was ready to hurl his body into the sun. He was ready to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. Anything that would kill him would be perfect and welcomed.
"This was not supposed to be romantic, Josh." Tyler made it sound like what he was saying was obvious, like they had signed a contract and 'NO ROMANTIC FEELINGS' was stated in bold with a 83 point font.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Fuck. I'm sorry." Josh sputtered, he found himself standing up and walking towards his bunk. In truth, Josh had nothing to be sorry for.
"Josh."
At the sound of his name he turned around.
"Look, you're my best friend, okay? I just thought the sex was a bonus. It looks like we both interpreted each other wrong. It's an honest misunderstanding. How about we just forget this happened?"
Josh wanted to laugh. He wanted to spit on the ground in front of Tyler and tell him, yeah, right. Part of him wanted to beat the guy's ass. But he did none of those things, he just cleared his throat and nodded. "Yeah, perfect." He continued to his bunk.
After that, every time Tyler speaks about how much he loves Josh on stage it hurts. Tyler's really good at acting like nothing did happen, but he's a different story. Tyler can tell Josh that he's nice, and smart, and his best friend. Tyler can do these things and know that he's hurting Josh. Maybe that was what he wanted to do in the beginning. Maybe Tyler planned to break Josh's heart. Hell, Pete noticed he liked Tyler. Who's to say Tyler noticed, too?