Work Text:
Subject: Hai! :)
Dear papa,
Mama got me and Micheal this computer for Christmas! She says you two saved for it so we can talk to you when you go away. Micheal keeps using it to play games tho-
Oh! I'm going to prep school! Mama said that if I don't study hard, I can't become a proper lady. Did I write a nice proper mail? Do tell, Papa!
January 8th, 2044
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Subject: Love you
Dear papa,
Mama is being mean. Every day I go to school. I want to be a great lady. But I'm so, so tired... Brother is always crying. Growing up isn't any fun at all...
I miss you.
February 26th, 2044
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Subject: pls respond
Hey, Papa. I do nothing but study. I hate it. Please come home soon.
Why don't you respond to my messages? I've sent 7 if you can't find them. I tried my bestest to make them sound proper. Are they not good enough?
March 4th, 2044
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Subject: Hello
Dear dad,
It's been awhile. I honestly feel a little stupid writing here.
I guess there's a lot of catching up to do.
Nowadays I spend a lot of time in my room. It's one of the only spaces I feel safe and calm in, really. Sometimes I draw, listen to music and dance around, play my violin.. Anything to keep my mind off things and drown out the noise from outside.
But you and mom don't like that much. You joke around how I don't see you and do nothing all day, and mom says I'm not as affectionate with her as I used to be. I don't know, I guess hugs don't feel natural.
But that's enough for today, I don't want to write a novel. I'll write more tomorrow. See ya.
September 29th, 2053
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Subject: Micheal
Dear dad,
Yeah yeah, some time has passed, but I've been pretty busy with school work. AP classes are no joke-
But as I do my homework on my bed, I can't help but be distracted by the other half of my room.
I know I said earlier I loved my room, but nowadays it fills me with dread too. It's been quieter all year. Michael's twin bed across from mine remains empty, all his little figures and trinkets untouched.
I really miss my brother. I know he'll visit during the holidays, but it's not the same anymore.
October 1st, 2053
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Subject: Ring
Dear dad,
I don't know what to feel now-
I thought I was going to have an ok day. I thought I wouldn't have to worry about you for a while but- then it happened.
Here I am, greeted by a huge box outside the door. Sealed with a classic Hocotate Freight logo. It's heavy. Great.
Inside is full of treasures and shinies every kid would want. A ring, video games, lots of treasures from your past adventures.
Part of me feels guilty that I don't want it. But all these items feel.. cursed? It's obvious you try to buy my love, you even left the price tags on some items! Are you trying to tug at my heartstrings?
I also wish these were more.. me. Mom gave me a puzzle and colored pencils because she knows I like nerdy stuff and I'm starting to draw more. You give me... A T-shirt with Lenny the Space Bunny? I haven't played that since I was 5..
Again, I'm really not trying to sound ungrateful or anything but-
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I wish you actually talked to me and got to know me instead of buying me treasures to make me like you.
That gorgeous, small, silver ring with a lavender gemstone still sits on my nightstand. I can't bring myself to wear it.
October 15th, 2053
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Subject: Louie
Dear dad,
I was doing my usual walk home from school the other day. At one part of the walk I pass by your work, which I try to speed down through. Being near that place makes my stomach hurt.
However, I catch a glimpse of a tall guy outside eating some pikpik carrots from a small bag. He looked young, probably early to mid twenties. He locks eyes with me and calls out my name.
"Libra?"
"Uh- yeah- Do I know yo-"
"Oh cool. I know your dad.
.......
That's it."
"Oh ok... I get that a lot, lots of people know my dad."
"No no, I mean I really know him. Does he even talk about me?"
That's when it clicked. This is probably that Louie guy from your missions I hear about sometimes. I was about to respond before he interrupted-
"You know", *munch*, " I thought you'd be a LOT younger."
"What- What is that supposed to mean??"
"I mean, your dad keeps photos of you and the family with him in the ship, but you're like a baby in those. He'll even tell me stories of you, but all when you were younger. I just assumed you were a toddler or something until I recognized your face now."
"Well- I could say the same for you- I thought you were his age.. Wasn't your first mission about 9 years ago? You would have been a teenag-"
"I don't want to talk about that," he snapped while quickly zipping his bag, "Look, it was nice meeting you, but we should probably go."
That was about it conversation wise, he was just quiet and cold in tone. A very odd fellow. As I walked away a lot of thoughts were clouding my mind.
One, do you only see me as your perfect little baby? Why do you only keep the photos of me when I was small, or tell stories of me when I was a just a child? Do you prefer the idea of me as an innocent girl who blindly loves you? Ignoring that I'm now getting older, getting my own opinions, and seeing you as the person you are?
I already know the answer deep down, I have for years.
But the thing that really made me think was...
If my maths right-
Louie was only 15-18 when he got his job at Hocotate Freight. I'm 15 years old-
How old was he on his first mission?
How old was he when you left him behind on that planet? How old was he when he thought you, someone he trusted, someone he probably saw as a father, left him behind? I don't think a teenager should have to go through the thought of possibly dying alone, far from home, and not to be found. I don't blame him for trying to attack you when you came back.
How funny. When you told me that story so many times all these years, you made it seem like a magical adventure. You, a hero, saving a crazy, almost evil coworker from a monster. No, you scarred a young boy for life. I see why he's quiet. I see why he hesitates, why he fidgets, why his wide open eyes look like they've seen too much. Maybe one day we can connect through our pasts.
How many other people did you hurt too, dad?
November 30th, 2044
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Subject: Lucky
Dear dad,
Today as I was getting my lunch at school I passed a group of boys. They all excitedly waved and said hello. Shouting the usual,
"Heyyy!!!! Hey Libra!"
"Libra where did your dad go!?"
"Tell your dad we miss him!"
Then even later in history class I heard a few classmates talking about me.
"Imagine having a dad who's name will be in textbook soon-"
"I'm sooo jealous. I love Olimar so much-"
"I bet he buys Libra nice things-"
Even with you gone, I still can't escape you! Everyone sees you as this amazing guy and the perfect dad but me. It's because you know how to put on a persona, and can switch emotions on a dime. The dad you show to everyone else and in interviews isn't the dad I get at home.
I wish you were the great dad everyone thinks you are.
December 2nd, 2044
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Subject: Pikmin
Dear dad,
Listen, sorry for the unpopular opinion but I'm going to say it.
I hate pikmin.
No they're not cute, they're creepy and I want them far away from me at all costs.
But nooooo, your boss insisted on making all sorts of marketable plushies and toys to sell of them. With Christmas getting closer, all I see are stores with pikmin things. Ew. They're all staring at me with those big ol' eyes. Stop it.
Well. If I'm going to be totally honest... Maybe I don't like them because you were always with the pikmin more than me. You missed a lot of my childhood to be on PNF-404.
Maybe you liked the pikmin better than me because they're small, cute, and something you can control.
December 10th, 2044
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Subject: Mom
Dear dad,
I heard mom crying in her room again. She tries to hide it and stay strong for me, but I know she has her rough days. I'm going to give her a hug when she comes out. A good one. I used to not return her hugs, but now I just don't want to let go.
We've been through a lot together. I know we didn't always have the best relationship growing up, but we've been getting better. She's apologized for how she hurt me when I was young, and for being blind to how messed up our family really was. I feel like she let you control her emotions in the past. She only was hard on me when I was little because she was broken herself, and would go into unhealthy spirals when you left. Mom based all of her self worth on your approval, similarly to how I was with her and you.
Despite all these issues, she's been much better as I've gotten older. It's nice seeing her grow and become the mom I needed. We're far from being perfect, but it's nice to have her here and supporting me. I feel a lot less alone.
December 19th, 2053
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Subject: Tainted Memories
Dear dad,
Sometimes late at night when I can't sleep, I think of you.
I wonder where you even are. Do you still spend your days on PNF-404, working so hard that you distract yourself from the sad thoughts about your family? Do you spend weekends with your new Koppaite friends? Hell, are you still on Hocotate, living close but avoiding our street block? Every time I go outside, I still have the habit of checking the skies for the S.S. Dolphin, just in case.
Yet in other nights, whether I like to admit it or not, I miss you and think of our good moments. I imagine you apologizing for everything, looking at me with that smile again, and hugging me tight. I think of the times you'd take me to the department store to get ship parts, you helping me with math homework, or you letting me sit on your pilot seat. Everytime; however, I have to snap back to reality. I have to realize that those moments were a long time ago, and have been altered with rose tinted glasses.
While there were highs, there were also deep lows in our relationship. In between that nostalgia and the perfect photos, there were twice as many moments that hurt me.
I start to go back to the time you first left for a really long time, and gave me this computer. When you started to spend more nights at the freight, or come home too tired to play with me.
That one time you picked me up from school, and drove the Hocotate Ship so fast I cried. I only walk home now.
You and mom getting stricter, and having me get straight A's and join every club. Still, nothing was ever enough.
Locking myself away in my room, because I really didn't want to be around the family and hear you and mom argue again.
And even most recently, when I'm old enough to finally speak my mind, you ignoring me and flying away from your problems yet again.
I hate this. I hate you!
Yet I miss the old you- But I know that even if I could turn back time to go to the good old days, they wouldn't be the same and I won't belong there.
December 20th, 2053
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Subject: My old friend
Dear dad,
I've been having a lot of bad days. It's hard to get myself out of it, which is why these messages just keep getting sadder and sadder.
Just as soon as I thought there was no more hope, a beacon of light comes to save me.
My brother is home!!!! God, I've missed him so much. I think his absence is the reason I haven't been as mentally stable this year-
He gave me the tightest hug as soon as he walked through the door. He looks a little different. A little older, starting to grow a beard- Yuck. Haha, but really, it's nice seeing him after his first semester of college.
The home and vibes actually feel "Christmassy" for once. My best friend is here, mom is giving us lots of loves, the house is all cute and decorated... I'm at peace right now.
Something tells me I won't have to write here again for a while.
December 22nd, 2053
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Subject: Small Update
Dear dad,
Just a small update for now!
Micheal may be all fancy and college-y but he's still the same dweeb I know! We've been having lots of fun together. He's telling me about all the cool biology things he's been learning, his new friends, and his crushes~ teehee~
College sounds amazing. I've always dreamed of going there one day. Finally pursuing things I like (like science or art), actually making friends for once... Being far away from here-
Micheal is really lucky. I wish he could take me with him.
Anyhoo- We're going to be making cookies and other fun stuff like that. See you.
December 23rd, 2053
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Subject: The truth
Dear dad,
I knew this day was coming but I'm still surprised and taken aback. After an absolutely wonderful Christmas and New Years, tomorrow is when Micheal has to leave.
I don't want to do this. I don't want to say goodbye again. We were having so much fun, I felt so seen, I didn't want these moments to en-
......
............
"Is- Is that the old computer dad gave us?"
I didn't notice Micheal had come into the room- He was staring at me as I typed, dimly illuminated by my lamp.
"Yes..."
"Why do you still have that thing? Who do you even write to?"
"Dad..."
"Dad???"
"Well, no- Not dad dad. Just his email."
He sat down on his old twin bed, just like how he used to when we'd hide here.
"So...", he softly replied, "Wanna talk about it? You know, tomorrow is the 10 year anniversary."
"Wait- Seriously?? Oh wow. I didn't notice-
Oh.. I don't know.... I started doing this about the time you left. I digged this thing out of the closet and started to write little emails to dad. Of course, he never responded to any of my messages over the years, so I know he'll never see these. It's more like a diary to me. Whenever I'm feeling depressed, or missing him, or whatever, I write it all here."
"Huh. Interesting. If it were me, I'd burn that thing to the ground-"
"Pft- Don't say that-"
"He deserves it! You know how terrible he was to us."
"Hey! Of course I know, I'm mad at him too! I just want to keep some of this. I don't know. It's my weird way of coping. I wanted an actual relationship with him, like you. You were always the favorite."
"Really? That's what you think?"
"Yeah! He actually got to spend time with you as a kid before taking the job at Hocotate Freight. He only saw pieces of my life, and it was mostly terrible- He'd talk about you way more in his letters than me! He actually loved you! "
I knew what I was saying wasn't the whole truth, but I was too hurt and just wanted to lash out at something- I regretted it immediately.
Micheal paused for a moment, then said, "Libra.. We we were both broken. We were both hurt. You know that. Even though I saw dad more, I wasn't spared from that trauma. Growing up he treated me like a friend, not a dad. I knew him when he drank more, and was even angrier. I'm not comparing our experiences in any way, but we both have gone through it."
I closed the computer, as tears started to water up in my eyes.
"Come here. I got you," Micheal said.
I went over to his bed and he wrapped me in his arms. I cried a lot in his shoulder. I could tell he wanted to cry a little too.
"I-," I choked up, "I'm so sorry- I didn't mean-"
"It's ok.. I know.. I understand. He left the both of us, Libra."
"Remember when we'd hang out here? You'd hug me like this, or try to distract me with something fun when I was little... During the first few weeks.."
"Every night."
"I miss that. I don't know what to do without you in this room. I want to be far away, like you."
"Your time will come. And even if I could take you with me, you'd just be escaping your feelings. You'd fall apart far away somewhere new, rather than home with mom and friends. You have to remain strong. You have to take care of mom, because her wounds are much deeper. You have to enjoy home and the life you have right now before you leave. And know that no matter what, I am always here for you. I'm just one call or text away, you hear me?"
*Sniff* , "Yes.. Thank you. I love you."
We stayed like that for a long time. Hugging, and talking more about our experiences and feelings. It was really nice. Honestly, I'd never talked about any of that to someone else before.
It's sad to see my brother go, but he's right. And I know I have people who will support me no matter what.
January 7th, 2054
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Subject: New beginnings
Dear dad,
Welp. It's been officially 10 years since you left on that mission to repay your debts with Louie.
Ever since then our family has been on a downward spiral. You started going on more and more "adventures". Mom got more depressed and strict. Micheal and I would cry and start hiding in the room. You got paid more and gave us more gifts, but showed up at the house less.
Eventually, one day, without any warning, I saw you board your ship one last time. You just left. Sure, months later you'd text very occasionally, but the damage was already done. We wanted nothing to do with you. And the more you kept arguing, denying, and saying you were "trying", the more you actually pushed away.
I used to think of this day with dread. I thought it was the day our lives were changed forever, the day my childhood was ruined.
But now... I'm honestly happy about today. It now means 10 years I still survived, after all of this. I still have my brother, I have my mother again, and I have a whole future ahead of me. Sure, I'll have hiccups and sad moments, but maybe they'll start to be less frequent with time.
Here's to another year, and hopefully many more.
Goodbye dad.
January 8th, 2054
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