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The vinyl on the booth seat was starting to split, and it caught on Alison’s tights as she slid into the seat. She grimaced, and slid her hand over the back of her thigh to unstick it, throwing her purse down onto the seat beside her. It hit the seat with a quiet thunk , and she grimaced as she remembered the bottle of perfume in it.
She was early- dropping Diana to her mothers had taken less time than she had expected, since the girl had actually gone to sleep on time for once, and hadn’t spent half the morning yawning into her cereal. It was fine- Alison had been cutting the girl a lot of slack, considering. Rushing her through her morning routine every day was far, far better than the alternative, after all. She ran a finger along the fraying edges of the menu, mouth twisting as she read through the items. She hadn’t been there before- it was within walking distance of Lawrence’s new apartment, ‘ Adam’s favourite ’, apparently. The waiter appeared beside her, false smile fixed haphazardly on his face.
“Just yourself today?”
“Waiting on two more.” She smiled. “I’ll take an Americano, though. Please.”
He nodded, turning on his heel and setting off to get it for her. She reached for her phone, scrolling through her email inbox for a few minutes until the sound of the bell above the door caught her attention, and she looked over just in time to see her husband- ex- husband, she always seemed to forget to add the prefix to it, even in her own head- walk through the door, a young man slipping in beside him, pulling his hood down and seemingly scanning the room for her. She wondered briefly what, if anything, Lawrence had told him about her, and then decided that she didn’t care.
She heard them talking too, just barely able to catch their words over the din of the people eating.
“- told you she’d be early.”
“Well sorry I had to piss man, Jesus- I’ll hold it next time.”
She watched Lawrence’s lips press together in a thin line- it was a familiar expression, she had seen it many times when he had gotten irritated at her for something or other, a fond sort of annoyance. Seeing it turned towards someone else was. Well.
She made eye contact with the young man- Adam- for a moment, and he broke it first, nudging Lawrence with an arm and then gesturing over to where she was sitting. She only had another half a minute at best before they joined her, so she took a breath. Braced herself.
“Ali.” Lawrence’s voice was rough from the cold weather, the exertion of walking. She hoped whatever expression her face had landed on passed for an easy-going smile.
“We could have met somewhere closer, if your leg is bothering you.”
Lawrence waved her off. “The practice is good, I’ll be going back to work before I know it and I need to be able to stand on it.”
Adam’s expression flickered- Alison couldn’t help but agree that it seemed a little… soon for the man to be going back to work, considering everything that happened. It wasn’t her problem anymore though- firmly Adam’s jurisdiction now.
She hummed, and then sat back in her seat as the waiter returned, placing her steaming mug in front of her with a small clatter. She watched Adam and Lawrence order, barely even looking at their menus. Maybe they did come here often, then. Often enough to have a regular order, at least. Lawrence had always been a creature of habit- she almost smiled as he ordered, the same thing he’d ordered for the past twenty years she had known him. Some things never changed, it seemed.
Once the waiter had scurried away again, Lawrence turned to look at her. His expression was odd- softer than what she was used to from him. His handsome features had always been lined with some sort of worry, some sort of tension. He seemed freer, now. She didn’t think she had seen him relaxed in… longer than she cared to reflect on. She wished it didn’t feel like as much of an insult as it did. “Diana is at your mother’s?”
She nodded. “She begged to come, but I thought it would be better to… discuss everything away from little ears.”
“That’s for the best, yes.”
A small silence fell, not necessarily awkward, but still on the cooler side. Lawrence swallowed, and then smiled weakly. “This is Adam.”
“I… figured that, yes.” Alison looked over at him, and Adam seemed to shrink back in his seat a little. Interesting. “I’m Alison, but you probably knew that too.”
He nodded, a jerky little movement. “I can go, if you- I know Larry invited me, but I don’t want to butt in where I’m not wanted.”
The combination of the old nickname she always used to call Lawrence, as well as Adam’s colourful choice of phrase, was disarming. She thought about it for a second- sure, she wouldn’t have chosen to meet Adam like this, but he was here now. And, like it or not, he was a part of this now. Lawrence- or maybe Jigsaw- had made him a part of this. She fought the urge to sigh.
“No, no. You’re fine.”
Adam met her eyes, and his gaze was surprisingly steady. She looked down to pick up her mug, taking a long sip.
“So, Diana.”
Lawrence looked at her from where he had been staring into space a little. “Yes. I- I appreciate how lenient you’ve been, with letting me see her.”
“You’re a good father, Lawrence. Even if you were a shitty husband. She adores you.”
Adam coughed, sounding suspiciously like a laugh, and then pointedly looked away. Alison raised an eyebrow, and then looked back at her ex-husband, who had flushed a little.
“I love her so much, Ali.”
“That’s not the issue here.” She glanced at Adam, then back at her ex-husband. “You understand why I’ve been hesitant to let her stay with you.”
Lawrence nodded, and surprisingly, Alison saw Adam do the same. She made eye contact with him again, the question clear in her expression, and he cleared his throat.
“I.” He started, and then fell silent. He was… cute, in a dog pound kind of way, she supposed. “I would never do anything to hurt your daughter, but I get it. I don’t think I’d want my kid staying anywhere with anyone I didn’t know, if I was you.”
Lawrence’s jaw clenched a little, a defensive prickle to his tone. “Adam isn’t a stranger, Ali.”
“I might as well be, though.” Adam piped up with a frown, and Alison blinked in surprise. “She doesn’t know me- Diana doesn’t know me.”
She watched him, the way his words seemed to knock the fight out of Lawrence. She wouldn’t have paired them together- even if she hadn’t been married to him, even if she had been picking a man. They didn’t fit together, in her mind. Maybe that was a good thing- she and Lawrence had been textbook, and look at them now.
“Diana wants to see you.” She interrupted, dragging the conversation back on track. “I just have… rules, I suppose. Boundaries.”
Lawrence hesitated, and then nodded. “That’s fair.”
“I don’t want Adam alone with her.” Her voice sounded harsh even to her own ears, and she winced as Adam looked down. She aimed for a softer tone- Adam was just a casualty in this, after all. It wasn’t personal. “Not yet, at least. Not right away.”
Lawrence didn’t respond, and she realised belatedly that he was waiting for her to continue.
“She needs three meals a day, Lawrence. No skipping meals because you’re rushing to work, or coming home late. She needs stability . You need to be there.”
It almost looked for a moment like Lawrence was going to argue, but a raised eyebrow shut him down. Alison was an expert in Lawrence Gordon. She knew exactly how he worked- or at least, she had.
“I’m not-” Lawrence’s voice cut off, and out of the corner of her eye Alison saw Adam’s hand slide off the table, smoothing across the man’s back. A soothing gesture- and an effective one, if the way Lawrence’s shoulders relaxed was any indication. A complicated feeling caught in her chest. “I don’t do that anymore. I’m not missing any more time with her, I learned my lesson.”
Alison glanced at the cane, resting against the table. She fought the urge to shudder.
“Sorry, can I…” Adam’s voice was soft, but both of them turned to look at him. He flustered at the sudden attention, but recovered well. “It doesn’t have to be a, like, all or nothing type of deal. You don’t need to sort it all out now.”
At their matching blank expressions, he rushed to fill the silence. “Every other weekend, then increase it from there? When you’re more comfortable, I mean. It’ll let everyone adjust to it.”
Alison paused. That was… not a bad suggestion. She could handle every other weekend, could handle two days of fretting over how Diana was doing.
She considered the man in front of her. Oddly, she felt no real animosity towards him- her marriage had been a farce long before he had ever taken money from that detective, it was hardly his fault that any of this happened. It stung- of course it stung. The day that the catty bitches at the office had found out Lawrence had ‘left her’ for a younger man, she had gone home and cried into her pillow until Diana’s soft knock on the door, her little voice asking if she was okay, had snapped her out of it. Still, her hurt feelings weren’t his fault- she didn’t even really blame Lawrence for it anymore, now that she had wallowed in it for a while. He had been her friend before all of this, and the horror he had gone through was enough to put everything else in perspective. The horror they had all gone through. Adam picked at his nails, nerves clear in his expression, and she forced herself to smile.
“Thank you Adam, that’s a good idea.”
His eyes widened marginally, and he shot her a weak, grateful smile. “My parents were divorced, so.”
“And that’s how they handled custody?”
“Oh, no- my dad couldn’t get away from us fast enough.” Adam laughed awkwardly, and then blanched. “Oh god, sorry, that was-”
Alison cut him off with a wave of her hand. “Every other weekend sounds perfect.”
Lawrence nodded, disappointment clear on his features. “A good starting point, I suppose.”
Adam’s arm jerked- elbowing him, Alison realised. She almost laughed- it seemed like Lawrence had found someone who would keep him on his toes, at least. Maybe eventually her and Adam would be… if not friends, then friend ly . She thought that Diana would like him, anyway. Lawrence trusted him, and Alison would just have to trust that until she got to know him better. She picked her drink up, tapping her nails against the ceramic.
“We can start this weekend, then. I can drop her off?” She offered, draining the end of her coffee and then setting the mug down. She watched Adam do the same. Lawrence’s was barely touched. “She has a school project due, so make sure she does her work. She’ll try to talk you out of it.”
Lawrence agreed easily, and then it seemed that they had reached the natural conclusion of their conversation- there wasn’t much else to talk about. He slapped the table with his hand, reaching for the paper bill the waiter had left on the table and then starting to slowly get to his feet. Adam slid the cane towards him, holding his elbow as he got up. It was sweet, really, if she didn’t think about it too hard.
They both watched him cross the room, his steps laboured and uneven as he pulled his wallet out. She looked away, watching Adam’s soft smile as he followed his movement.
“I appreciate how… considerate you’ve been, with all of this.” The words were stilted, awkward, and when Adam looked at her his expression was pinched with confusion.
“She’s your daughter- it’s not about me.”
He said it like it was simple, like it was a given that Diana be the priority here. Alison felt herself smile at him. “I’m glad you see it that way.”
“I know I’m,” Adam seemed to consider his next words- careful, like he was worried about pissing her off. Worried about making things harder for Lawrence, probably. Once she felt a little less bitter about the whole thing, she would probably appreciate that more. “Not ideal. I’m sorry.”
I’m sorry . Alison let the words wash over her. She had heard a lot of apologies, since everything had happened- from Lawrence, from her coworkers, her family members. For the first time though, she felt something other than annoyance.
“Sorry?”
Adam shrugged, his expression tightening for a moment with the gesture. She thought about the details she had read in the police file, the state they had found Adam in when they had stormed that awful bathroom. The state Lawrence had left him in. “I don’t think I could have been as mature as you have about this.”
“It’s not your fault.” Alison watched as Adam’s expression shifted- wondered how many times he felt the need to apologise just for existing. He shrugged again.
“Still. He appreciates it, even if he’s too stubborn to say it.”
For a brief moment, Alison felt an almost camaraderie with the man- a shared knowledge of the man they both loved. “Get used to it.”
Adam smiled, a soft, private thing that Alison felt like she shouldn’t be looking at. “Yeah.”
Lawrence reached the table again, and he looked at Alison. She met his eyes- that same warm feeling filling her chest, almost against her will. A decade and a half long marriage wasn’t so easily forgotten, and she wasn’t quite sure what to do with all of the residual feelings she still held on to. There wasn’t really anything to do, she supposed. She pressed her lips together, lip gloss catching and sticking.
“I’ll see you this weekend, then?”
Adam stood, tugging his hoodie down over his hips and moving aside so Lawrence could lean on the table. Lawrence nodded with a small smile. “This weekend. I’m looking forward to it.”
They said their brief goodbyes, and then she watched the two of them walk away- startled when Adam turned around again, trailing behind as Lawrence reached the door.
“Alison?”
“Hm?”
“I, uh. I’m really glad you and Diana are okay.”
She stared at him for a moment- his expression was earnest, and she watched his fingernails scratch at the zipper track on his hoodie. Annoyingly, she felt herself soften a little- it was hard to dislike the man, when he was right in front of her. It had been much easier to hate the idea of him- for a moment, Alison could see why Lawrence was so taken with him.
“I’m glad you’re okay too.” She tapped her heel against the leg of the table, her voice coming out soft, slightly vulnerable. “Take care of him.”
Adam’s cheeks flushed, and he nodded once. “I try my best.”
Alison smiled softly at him. “It was nice to meet you, Adam.”
He smiled back, and then he was gone- following Lawrence out through the door of the café. Through the window, he saw him catch up with the man, wave off Lawrence’s question and lean up to press a quick kiss to his cheek. That complicated feeling came back- she recognised it now as some sort of longing. Longing for what, she didn’t know- she had lost so much that she couldn’t get back, she didn’t even know where to start.
She brought her hands up to brush through her hair, resting her face in them for a moment before sitting back up. Diana needed new art supplies, and she had to pick up whatever she was going to make for dinner, so she grabbed her bag and got up, smiling briefly at the waiter as she made her way to the door.
Pushing Lawrence- and Adam- from her mind, she stepped out into the fresh air and took a deep breath.