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Enji has his keys in his hand when he feels his phone buzzing from his back pocket. At first he’s tempted to just ignore it—he has important places to be and can’t be interrupted today. Eventually the buzzing stops, only to start up againn seconds later.
He pulls his phone out of his pocket with a huff, his eyebrows furrowing when he sees Miruko’s contact popping up on the screen.
“What do you-”
“You need to get down here. Now,” Miruko interrupts, demanding voice echoing in Enji’s head.
“What’s wrong? I was just about to head out, is everything okay?”
“Obviously not,” she replies hastily. “Keigo’s freaking out. I don’t even know what happened, but he’s locked himself in the office and won’t let any of us in.”
“Seriously? Nothing happened and he’s just… hiding?” Enji asks as he leaves his apartment and starts his car. “How long has he been in there?”
“Only a few minutes. I called you as soon as he wouldn’t let me in. Taishiro and and Kendo tried too, but he won’t even answer us.”
“Okay, okay,” Enji sighs, his heart racing. “I’ll be there in five, let me know if anything else happens.”
“Yeah, you got it,” Miruko replies. “Just… hurry.”
As if she needed to include that. From the moment he’d picked up the phone all Enji could feel was the adrenaline and worry coursing through his veins.
Enji rushes to the church as fast as his car will allow him to. Everything had been fine when he’d seen Keigo this morning. Or maybe he just thought everything had been okay—was there something goin on that Keigo had been hiding from him?
His mind races the entirety of the drive, and although it’s short, Enji feels like it had been hundreds of miles. He jumps out of the car and races into the church, desperate to find Keigo and, more importantly, to figure out what the hell was happening with him.
He finds Taishiro and Kendo near the entrance, chatting quietly amongst each other.
“Where is he?” Enji asks, slightly short of breath from his rush and the very tangible worry that feels like it’s choking him. “Is everything okay?”
Taishiro’s face lightens up when he sees Enji, “Hey, Enji! Well, he’s in the back office, down that way, I think Rumi’s still trying to get him to come out.”
Kendo’s holding onto Taishiro’s bicep, a subtle act of affection that makes Enji’s skin itch—he needs to find his fiance, and he needs to find him now. He doesn’t care what it will take to make everything okay for Keigo, but he’s sure in that moment that he’d capture the sun for him if that’s what it would take.
As Enji is about to ask where the office is, Miruko comes out from down the hallway, a wave of relief washing over her when she sees that Enji has arrived.
“Finally,” she sighs. “I’ve been trying everything. Even threatened to break down the door myself if he wouldn’t let me in. We’re lucky you got here before I had to resort to that. Come on, he’s down this way.”
Enji doesn’t have a chance to be grateful that Rumi didn’t kick down a door as she whisks him off down the hall where she’d come from, to a door that he assumes his fiance is hiding behind.
“I’m gonna go back to the lobby with Taishiro and Kendo… but let me know if you need anything from me,” Miruko says softly, placing a reassuring hand on Enji’s shoulder. “You’ve got this.”
Enji nods his thanks to Rumi before facing the door. He’s not entirely sure how to approach this—if he knew what was wrong, maybe he could get a better feel for what he needed to do, but he has nothing. Nothing but a hope that he could fix whatever this was and save his wedding.
His knuckles knock softly a few times on the door, “Keigo? Can I come in? What’s wrong?”
Silence.
Enji can hear his own heart racing in his chest as he waits, listening carefully for any sound of life behind the door, but hearing none. He sighs before knocking again.
“Hey, I don’t know what’s bothering you, but we can fix it. Come on. Please, let me in.”
He listens even more closely for any shuffling or maybe even words, and he feels his heart wrench when he is met, yet again, with silence. He doesn’t have a clue what this is all about, but he knows that he needs Keigo, and that, more than likely, Keigo needs him.
“Kei… please. I don’t know what’s wrong, but I’m here to help you. No matter what it is you need, I want to help you. Please let me in.”
Finally, although he needs to hold his breath to hear it, Enji hears a faint sound from the other side of the door. It sounds like a grunt, like Keigo dismissing him, but it’s something.
He’s shocked when the door starts to open. It’s slow, and Keigo only opens it a crack, as if to see if it really was Enji on the other side.
Enji’s voice gets caught in his throat when he sees Keigo. He’s seen this expression before, but it had been so long. He needed to be closer to his fiance, needed to hold him and make everything okay, but he didn’t want to step in too early and scare Keigo away.
“It’s nothing. ‘m fine,” Keigo mumbles, even though he looks like he hasn’t slept in years despite the fact Enji knows that isn’t true.
Enji retains the short distance between them, his eyes full of concern and pleading but his voice finding its strength, “It’s not nothing if you’re locking yourself in a church office, Kei. Let me in, we can talk about this. We can fix it.”
“I said I’m fine,” Keigo reasserts, his eyes looking up to lock with Enji’s. “There is nothing to fix, I’m fine.”
“Then can I come in?”
Keigo gives Enji a look of bewilderment, “I just needed a minute, you don’t need to come in, I’ll be fine.”
“Well, then I can come in and you can tell me why you needed a minute,” Enji presses. “Keigo, we’re planning our wedding, what is causing you to lock yourself in an office?”
Enji doesn’t miss the way Keigo shudders at the word ‘wedding,’ which makes his eyebrows furrow. Last they’d spoken, which had been this morning as Keigo made his way to the church, he’d seemed thrilled to finally be headed to the venue where, in only a short time, they’d become husbands. He clearly didn’t feel the same way about it now.
Enji steps into the office, and although Keigo had been adamant about it before, he doesn’t stand in Enji’s way as he takes a seat on the end of the small loveseat.
Keigo hovers around the door for another moment, but Enji only waits for him patiently. He knows rushing this will only make it worse for both of them, and he doesn’t want that even in the slightest. He’d sit in this office all day if it meant he’d get his fiance back.
“What’re you doing?” Keigo asks, voice dragging with dread.
Enji looks at him, “Keigo, I don’t know what’s going on,” he admits. “But I want to. I don’t care what it is, as long as you’ll let me help you. There’s no rush, but we can’t be doing this when our… when we’re getting married in a week.”
Keigo tenses again, but steps carefully over to the couch, sitting opposite Enji. There’s enough distance between them that they’re not touching, but all it would take was either one of them reaching their arm out. Enji desperately wanted to touch Keigo, to reach out and hold his face and reassure him that he loved him, and that nothing else matters. But he doesn’t, he keeps his hands resting on his thighs for now, waiting patiently for Keigo to answer.
“I know…” Keigo starts slowly, like the words were dragging their way out of him. “I know, and I was really excited—I am really excited, but…” he trails off, teeth worrying at his bottom lip.
Enji waits for a moment to see if Keigo will pick up his broken sentence, but fills in the silence when he doesn’t. “I’m excited, too. Did something change? You know, if you’re not sure, we can always push it back or call it off, it’s up to you, you know.”
“No!” Keigo answers quickly, the life finding its way back into his voice briefly. “No… I don’t want that. I want to get married, I do, but…” his voice tapers off again, but this time only briefly. Enji can’t help himself and grabs Keigo’s hand gently. “I just… we were going over the rings and the vows, and I was fine before then, but I just froze. I was—I am scared. I don’t even know why, it all just hit me.”
Enji runs his thumb over the ridges of Keigo’s knuckles. A gentle, but weighted silence lingers between them as Enji thinks on what to say.
“I was scared, too, you know,” he finally decides on. Keigo brings his eyes away from their interlocked fingers and up to Enji’s eyes. “Terrified, even. When we first got together, I was so scared. It felt like everything was changing and I wasn’t sure I wanted that. It’s scary, sometimes. Change can be scary.”
Keigo scoots a bit closer to Enji, resting his weight against his fiance. Enji feels his heart swell, like the pieces that had chipped off when he saw Keigo in distress had been melded back together—like he was whole again.
“And to be honest, I’m still scared sometimes. I mean, marriage—that’s a huge deal. But then I look at you. I look at you, my fiance, and I’m not so scared anymore. Keigo, I want to marry you. I’d marry you in every life time if you’d give me the chance. It’s okay to be scared, what matters is what you do despite that fear.”
Keigo feels his eyes start to well up with tears as Enji wraps an arm around him. Enji rubs small but firm circles into his shoulder with his thumb, keeping him as close as possible as tears started to fall.
“I just don’t know if I even deserve any of this—if I deserve you,” Keigo admits, shoulders sagging beneath the weight of his words.
Enji pulls Keigo into his chest even tighter than before, pressing a soft kiss to the top of his head.
“Keigo, you deserve the world. Why on Earth would you think you don’t deserve to get married?”
“It’s not getting married that’s the problem, it’s being happy,” Keigo admits. “I’ve done so many horrible things… people have died because of me—they don’t get to be happy, the people that loved them don’t get to be happy, so why should I? I’m just some government mutt anyway, why should I be happy when I’ve ruined so many other lives? How is that fair?”
For the first time since finding Keigo, Enji is rendered just about speechless. His heart aches for Keigo more than it ever has—it feels heavy in his chest, like it’s been chained down. How long had Keigo felt like this? Like he wasn’t worthy of being loved. Enji thought he deserved everything good in this world, but hearing Keigo’s thoughts felt like daggers shooting him directly in the chest. Had Keigo been sitting on this a while and it was only now coming to fruition? Or did this just now come up, bearing its ugly claws and teeth?
“Keigo, no, sweetheart, you can’t think like that,” Enji tries, his voice feeling strangled in his throat. “We’ve all done things we aren’t proud of—things we wish we could wipe away but we can’t. It’s the nature of our world, even if it’s demented and evil. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to find your peace. You regret what you’ve done, what’s happened—that has to count for something. What’s important now is moving on and reaching that happiness—whether that means marrying me or anything else—and enjoying it.”
Keigo is full on crying now, sobs racking his body as he leans into Enji, who’s arms are wrapped firmly around him, his chin resting on the top of his head.
“And maybe it’ll never all go away, you know, the memories of what we’ve done,” Enji continues as a few tears of his own slide down his cheek. “But what matters now more than anything is us,” He pulls back to hold Keigo’s face in both of his hands. “You’re all that matters to me. I’ve done things I’m not proud of and that I wish I could take back, but I can’t. All that matters to me now is you, and being the best partner I can be for you.”
Enji closes the final bit of distance between them as he presses a kiss to Keigo’s forehead. When he pulls back, he looks into Keigo’s eyes, trying to read his expression.
“I love you, so much, Keigo,” he says as he kisses his fiance again, this time against his lips. “It won’t always be easy, but that’s why we have each other… forever, if you’ll have me.”
Enji wipes the tears from Keigo’s cheeks as the latter leans in to kiss him again.
“I love you more than words could describe, Enji,” he whispers against his lips. “More than anything in this world. Thank you.”
“No need to thank me,” Enji replies. “I’ll always be here for you.”
As Keigo leans back in to press one more kiss to Enji’s lips, they’re interrupted by another knocking at the door.
“What is it?” Enji asks, his voice still a bit ragged from crying.
He hears Taishiro’s voice in an attempted whisper, “Oh good, they’re together.” And then more loudly, directed at him and Keigo, “Whenever you guys are ready, we should get back to setting things up. No rush though! Just wanted to see how everything was going!”
Keigo sighs and leans his weight against Enji, speaking softly to only his fiance, “I forgot where we were for a second. Guess I still have a wedding to set up for, huh?”
Enji smiles and kisses against Keigo’s hairline, “Do you want any help?”
“They’re all here, they’ve been helping,” Keigo replies softly, a bit tiredly. “Probably won’t take us too much longer as long as I don’t freak out again.”
“I meant,” Enji says, pulling Keigo’s knuckles up to his lips, “do you want help from your husband? But I suppose I can leave if you don’t need me anymore…”
“No! You can stay,” Keigo replies quickly. “Please stay, actually…”
“Something still on your mind, Kei?” Enji asks, a gentle smirk on his lips.
“Nothing… just like how ‘my husband’ sounds,” he replies a bit dreamily. “Can’t wait to marry you, Enji.”
Enji interlocks his fingers with Keigo’s as he plants one more kiss to his fiance’s lips, “You know, I think I like the sound of that, too. Come on, let’s go help them with our wedding.”