Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Mister Mustang?" as Roy identified the voice at the other end of the phone call he held back a groan, pinched his nose and squeezed his eyes, taking a deep slow breath. Not fucking again!

"Yes Miss Daughtry, what can I do for you today?" he asked Ed's Maths and class teacher with the politest tone he could manage. 

How often had he been called from her about Ed by now? Ten, fifteen times since Riza and him had the boys enrolled into this new school?

"We need you to pick Edward up," she said with that same tired voice she always used when she told him to pick him up. 

"Is it really necessary? If he just talked back or threw a pen I could just talk to him and-" 

"No, Mister Mustang, Edward is not feeling well. It would be the best if you could pick him up right away," Miss Daughtry said and worry shot through Roy like gunfire. 

"Alright, sure I'll be right there," Roy said and ended the call. Without much overthinking he pulled on his military jacket, it wasn't ideal that he was in uniform right now, but they just had to deal with it. 

If his kid was hurt there was nothing in the world that could make him hesitate for something unimportant like changing his clothes. 

His team only looked up confused as he came rushed out of his office.

"The school called, it's Ed, he's not feeling well and they want me to pick him up!" Roy explained as he made his way over to Riza's desk. 

"Is it his automail?" she asked, worry clear on her face. 

"They didn't say, just that he is not feeling well."

"I'll join you!" Riza said, pulling on her own jacket but Roy gestured her to wait. 

"No, I need you here if someone comes by, you're in charge until I'm back," he said and Riza only nodded slowly with an unsatisfied look in her eyes. 

"You think you'll gonna be back?" she asked as Roy turned to leave.

"I don't think so, but let's see what happened this time!" were his last words before he left the office. 

Roy's steel-cap boots clacked loudly on the floor and he felt rather overdressed as he walked down the halls of the school in his shining blue uniform. But the looks of the kids and the teacher couldn't bother him any less as he made his way quickly to the secretaries office. 

"Where is Ed?" he opened the door with the question after not finding his blond stubborn kid seated in the office. 

The secretary looked up to him and only gave him a tight lipped smile. 

"Edward is with the school nurse, down the hall, the last room on the right!" she said and Roy left the office without another word. 

Why was Ed with the school's nurse? he wondered, his steps faster now, worry clouding his sight. 

Roy did not knock before he entered the room, relieve flooding his chest as he saw Ed laying on the stretcher in the tiny room, his non metal arm over his eyes. 

He looked up at the noise and his golden eyes met Roy's in seconds. 

"Roy? What are you doing here? Why are you all dressed up?" he asked with a judging look, his voice sounded far too thin for his standards. 

"The school called me at work, saying you were not feeling well, what's going on?" Roy asked, walked over to his kid and sat next to him on the stretcher. 

The school nurse was nowhere to be found and rage was building in his stomach as he thought of the fact that Ed seemed to be alone in here. 

"It's nothing," Ed mumbled and avoided his look. 

"I think you wouldn't be laying here if it was nothing!" Roy said with a chuckle, carefully removing the bangs out of Ed's eyes and sneaking the back of his hand on Ed's forehead. It was hotter than it should be. Shit!

He already knew this was bad, normally Ed would be snapping and grunting and arguing why he was here, why the school had called him and treated him like the kid he was. But now Ed was tired, drained and silent and Roy knew his could end badly pretty quickly. 

Ed was only at thirteen a master in hiding his pain, not feeling entitled to complain. But when his mask eventually broke away, it showed all the raw immense pain and Roy always wondered how he could've hidden than before. How he hadn't seen before. 

"It's really nothing, no reason for them to call you!" Ed mumbled again but his face betrayed him as Roy hovered his finger gently over Ed's automail shoulder and the kid flinched when he slightly tried pulling the shirt away to get a look. 

"What's going on Ed?" Roy asked again, pulling his hands away now. 

He wanted to pull Ed close and take all the pain away and suffer through it instead but he couldn't. He was doomed to watch his kid keep suffering and hope that someday Ed came asking them for help instead of trying to manage everything on his own. 

"It's nothing! Fucking hell... just ... rain or something!" Ed mumbled, hiding his face under his non metal arm again. 

"It's not raining kid, it won't rain for the next few days and you probably have a fever!" Roy said gently, edging himself more to Ed, trying to give him security. 

Ed stayed silent, slightly shivering now and Roy nearly had pulled his shirt away by himself to look at Ed's automail port. Then the kid had opened his mouth, started to use his words but the creaking of the door shut him up again. 

Roy angrily turned around, facing Ed's class teacher who looked down on Ed with a stony expression. 

She was an old women, of old standards and methods and Roy had tried everything to get Ed into a different class but nothing had helped. Her hair was already grey, her black glasses spotless and her back as straight as his own when he saluted. 

She did not liked Ed's hyperactivity or that he coulnd't follow rules very well, he hated sitting still and listening, his mind getting distracted very easily when he was bored. That he couldn't really do anything against it, since most of the time it was his adhd acting up was not an acceptable reason for Miss Daughtry. 

"Mister Mustang, could I talk to you outside?" she asked with a bored tone, not even having an ounce of sympathy for Ed who was clearly in pain. Roy gently stroked over Ed's hair, careful not to mess up the braid and whispered that he would be back. 

Roy closed the door behind him, crossing his arms in front of his chest while staring at Miss Daughtry. She was a tall women, nearly eye level with himself if he hadn't worn his military boots who gave him a few extra inches. 

Miss Daughtry eyed his uniform from head to toe before she met his eyes and clicked her tongue. 

"Is this outfit really fitting for a school Mister Mustang?" she asked and Roy had to hold back his temper. 

"You called me over from work, I'm working for the military so you left me no other choice!" he said, controlled his tongue to not let any insults slip through his lips. 

"Mh," she only hummed before gesturing to the closed door.

"Edward had started feeling sick during second period. He had asked to go to the bathroom several times in a row. At the end of the lesson he claimed he needed to see the school nurse," she explained to Roy, all with an unbelieving tone as if Ed was making a scene to get out of class. 

Roy's red lights had already started blinking as she said he needed to go to the bathroom several times in a row. Roy just hoped that Ed didn't need to puke from the pain, that would mean it was already be at a point were they needed to think about a hospital visit. 

"Alright, I'm taking him home now!" Roy said, he didn't wanted to have one more word with this teacher and Ed needed quick care now. 

"Mister Mustang?" she called as he already had opened the door a crack and turned back to her with an impatient expression. "Later this day is a Math test the class is expected to take," she said with a hunch of disappointment in her voice. 

"What are you implying?" Roy asked dangerously quiet, not sure if she would dare. 

"I'm only pointing out that Ed has been having problems in Math and he could be using his .... current condition to get out of such things," she actually dared to say to his face and Roy let go of the door to built himself up in front of the old hack. 

"His current condition?" Roy asked coldly and Miss Daughtry only nodded. "You mean his not current but permanent condition of missing two limbs? Having automail with thirteen and therefore a lifelong disability that caused him immense pain and probably will for the rest of his life?" Roy asked colder as ice while getting up in Miss Daughtry's face without really noticing it. 

"Do you call being under-challenged now having problems in Maths? He's working on higher Mathematics during your class and you dare suggest he would try to get out of a test he could ace with both eyes closed?" Roy hissed angrily, having big trouble to not start screaming because he was so damn mad staring at her wrinkled face and disgusted expression. 

"You call it under-challenged, I call it misbehaving! If you are so sure your son is a Genius, maybe try to teach him some manners. That shouldn't be so hard for someone who can do higher Mathematics!" if her tone would be a tad more arrogant or scolding, Roy probably had punched her in the face. 

The desire to break her stupid glasses sat heavy in his stomach. 

"You should be ashamed calling yourself a teacher!" Roy said after collecting his thoughts. This had been the nicest variant of the words he had in his mind and before the old women could say anything else he stepped away and turned around without hesitation, he was done with her! 

Miss Daughtry did not seem to have any other words for him, as she silently stared holes into his back and Roy only huffed disbelieving. 

"That was bad ass!" Ed chuckled as Roy came back into the room, finding Ed in the same position like before. "Can I insult her too now?"

"Don't tell Riza any of this! I shouldn't have said that but damn did it feel good!" Roy whispered as he took place next to Ed again.

"What? You scared?" Ed teased but fell into a cough fit. 

"Of Riza? Alway. So, can you walk or do you want me to carry you?" Roy asked, making his tone sound as light as possible, knowing this was a sore point for Ed. 

"I can walk!" he snapped and slowly set himself up, his automail arm hung by his side without movement as he slowly let his legs dangle over the edge of the stretcher and very slowly got down. 

As soon as his metal foot touched the ground Ed was hissing and groaning but Roy tried to respect his wish, biting his tongue and only walking closely next to Ed. So they made their way out of the nurses room and Ed limbed heavily beside to him. 

The kid was squeezing his eyes trying to hold back the groaning as he walked next to Roy but with every step the limb seemed to get even worse. The other kids were throwing them glances but Roy kept his eyes only on Ed. His automail arm still hung down on his side while he was clutching the upper arm with his other hand, as if to reduce the movement while walking. 

They made it to the end of the hall before Roy couldn't take it anymore, he softly pulled Ed to a stop and quickly squadded in front of him. 

"This isn't working!" Roy said gently, now on eye level with Ed who only glared at him, his golden eyes clouded from pain. He even stood with putting as minimal weight as possible on his automail leg. 

"I don't see the problem!" Ed grumbled, looking stubbornly down on the floor. 

"Come on Ed!" Roy only said, shuffling nearer to Ed who glared at Roy passionately. 

"I'm not a fucking child anymore!" Ed sweared and huffed, trying to take a step back from Roy but only lost his balance and took a step with his automail leg to save himself. He hissed painfully and Roy's eye twitched. 

"You are thirteen and you are in pain, there is nothing wrong with being carried!" Roy tried arguing but Ed blocked him up immediately. 

"No, fuck no! I can walk just fine!" he said, trying to limb around Roy who only grabbed Ed's left shoulder softly holding him back. 

"Edward! Please stop torturing yourself!" he said quietly because there were more teens around them now and he didn't want to make more of a scene. His uniform attracted their attention like light the moths. He saw how Ed looked around them, probably hating that they had such a big audience. 

Ed never really talked about school, unlike Al who told them every bit about it, Ed kept everything to himself. He did talk, just not about serious stuff. 

"I'm not torturing myself," Ed mumbled but looked to the ground again. 

"Then what would you call it instead?" 

"Walking?" 

"You're in pain kid, let me help you!" Roy said as softly and gently as he could, staring into Ed's golden eyes as the kid looked around them again. The kids around had started whispering.

"They are all looking," Ed finally whispered shameful and Roy only moved closer to Ed. 

"And they won't stop any time soon because I'm ... how do you call it these days? Cool as fuck? Yeet? When will they see a real Colonel ever again? And such a handsome one at that! I should start giving out autographs!" 

"Oh my god, stop it already!" Ed groaned and Roy only grinned. "It's gonna be alright!" Roy said but he did not convince Ed one bit. 

"They're all gonna talk!" Ed mumbled into himself. 

"If they do I'm gonna yell at them! You saw me yell at Jean once, did you?" Roy asked and Ed only nodded, a tiny smile tugging on his lips. "I promise, it's gonna be alright. You're the toughest kid I know, they won't dare," Roy continued and Ed kept staring at the floor, clutching his automail arm. 

"Come on now, let's go home!" Roy said after a break of silence and slowly but surely reached his arms around Ed's chest, since picking him up under his arms would only caused pain to his shoulder port. Ed squirmed and protested quietly but Roy had no trouble picking the kid up and setting him on his hip, before he adjusted his grip. 

To everyone who send him a dirty look, Roy glared back at them with the murderous colonel look he managed and most of the kids made space for them immediately. 

"Get better soon, Ed!" some black haired kid called from behind them and Roy felt how Ed weakly waved behind his back. 

Carrying Ed had been the most normal thing after Riza and him had taken the boys in three years ago. Back then Ed didn't have his automail yet, the wheelchair was too unpractical for him and getting around on one crutch was possible but very much inconvenient. 

So for the most time him or Riza had carried him. Well, most of the time Roy had carried him, because when Riza offered Ed always refused and chose the chair instead. His beautiful wife was smart enough to understand that it was probably something about his biological mother but Roy did not miss the little bits of hurt in her eyes every time Ed dismissed her. 

Ed had been light before, with the two metal limbs he was heavier now but only so much as a normal thirteen year old should normally weight. 

Ed buried his face in Roy's shoulder, something he hadn't done since the time after they had found the kids in that basement of their family house and Roy's worry increased as he wondered in how much pain Ed must be really in.

Hohenheim was behind bars for what he had done to his boys, one of them missing two limbs, the other one so starved that it nearly killed him. All for trying to bring his dead wife back. In those moments, when the pictures of the basement flooded Roy's mind, he only wanted to punch the blond bastard that called himself their father in the throat.

Ed started slightly shivering the longer Roy carried him and he felt how his non automail hand grabbed the fabric of his jacket tightly, as they passed more students and Roy whispered quiet in his ear that it was okay, that he was going to be okay soon. 

As he had Ed pressed against his own body, he could feel his heated temperature even more and Roy fastened his steps. 

Quickly he walked out of the school, getting Ed on the passenger seat of the car. Before he buckled him in, Roy got out of his jacket and draped it carefully around Ed's shoulders. With his none metal hand, Ed grabbed the jacket and pulled it tighter around himself and Roy quickly walked around the car and got himself behind the wheel. 

"Hey Ed? What happened at school?" Roy asked as he maneuverer them through the traffic, Ed's silence was unsettling him. 

"Nothing," Ed mumbled, while his eyes were set on the landscape that flew by his window. He still clutched Roy's jacket tight around himself.  

"I don't believe you Ed," Roy said gently, glanced over to the passenger seat and Ed shivered again. It took a moment before he continued speaking, "Thought it was going to rain and thats why it hurt, but got only worse." 

"Did it hurt the last days?" Roy asked, very puzzled over this certain pain outbreak. Normally they watched Ed's automail carefully since he had been quite sensitive for infection and all other problems that came with automail.

Ed was silent for a while and Roy glanced over to him again. 

"Edward, did you were in pain the last days?" he asked again, this time with a bit more force behind his words. That had been a mistake, he could nearly watch how Ed pulled his walls back up, shrinking in on himself while snapping, "Why the fuck do you care?" 

Roy sighed, knowing he had provoked a reaction like this. Eds knee jerk reaction to everything remotely forceful had always been kicking it away as hard as he could, with words or with fists. 

So Roy picked his next words carefully, knowing he couldn't give in to his temper like most of the time were he just would snap back and get in their daily brawl. No, this time he needed to keep his cool and be the adult for once. 

"Ed, you know I care about your wellbeing, Riza and I both do, I just need to know if this is going on for a longer time to understand were this is coming from," he explained slowly and only got a snort as answer. 

"Kid I'm serious!" Roy said after a while of Ed not saying anything.

Out of the corner of his eyes he could see how Ed pulled at the blue military jacket and how hard he was clutching the fabric. It nearly looked like he wanted to vanish into it. 

"Ed I'm not mad or anything, you're not in trouble. I just need to know, so I know how I can help you," Roy explained gently, hoping he could convince Ed to talk to him.

It was something they worked on for years, after Roy and Riza had taken the boys in, it had taken months until Roy was able to read Ed's tells. They had noticed pretty quickly that he had a ridiculous high pain tolerance. The most questions they had heard him ask right after they had rescued the two boys out of the basement, was if Al was okay. If his little brother was fine, if he was in pain, if he was getting better. 

Alphonse had been a shadow of a boy, so thin Roy could count his rips. He was scared it would break Al's bones of he was gripping him to hard. Their father had forgotten about his second kid, while he had taken his first kids limbs for that ridiculous sacrifice to bring his wife back. 

The scene had been so horrifying, Roy still had nightmares sometimes - waking up sweating and with the need to check on both boys immediately, telling himself they were safe now while Riza tried calming his uneven breathing with southing words. 

It had been like the time after Ishval, when he would wake up screaming, the scent of burning corpses still clogging his nose. Riza had been there for most of these nights too, accompanied him outside and sat by his side silently while he smoked far too many cigarettes. 

The nightmares were rare for him these days but thinking of the basement still drove a shiver down his spine. So he couldn't really imagine how it had been for the two boys, Ed still woke up screaming from his own nightmares. 

Riza and him had organised an appointment with a therapist that worked with traumatised kids, roughly after half a year the boys moved in with them. The therapy had been a fight with Ed, like everything had been and still was. Al and Riza had tried to communicate between Ed's and Roy's screaming matches.

In the end, Ed had followed the therapist into the room, throwing glances to them that cut like newly sharpened blades. Weeks later Ed's therapist had told them smilingly that Ed had talked for the first time in their session.

Today Ed still didn't talk about his problems or when he needed help. It began to be a bigger problem, when his automail was giving him trouble and he wouldn't talk about it. Not talking had landed him in the hospital twice already and Ed had promised he would try the next time. 

Roy saw him already packing Ed a bag and driving him to the hospital because he got another infection. He held back the sigh, knowing his attitude wouldn't make the situation better in any way. 

"It started hurting a few days ago," Ed whispered now and Roy's eyebrows shot up into his forehead out of surprise. "I really thought it would be the rain, it wasn't swollen or anything," he continued quietly, his head turned away from Roy and out of the window. 

"Alright, so it hurt. Is it swollen now?" Roy asked carefully, hoping he wouldn't scare Ed's attempt on sharing away. 

Ed only shrugged his shoulders as Roy pulled the car into the garage of their house. He bit his tongue, remembering how Riza told him again and again that he shouldn't be mad at Ed for this. He probably never learned how to ask for help or had been punished for it by his bastard of a father. 

So Roy only nodded to himself, got out of the car and walked around to Ed's side. He opened the door, squatted down to be on eye level with him. Since Roy had noticed how much more compliant Ed was when he wasn't talked at from above it had become a habit. 

"I can get the chair if you want," Roy offered with a neutral tone, watching Ed's face for any of his tells. Ed gave him an unsure look and bit his cheek, as his automail leg started trembling and he grabbed his port. They waited until the tremble was nearly gone and Ed looked up again, eyes shimmering from unshed tears and Roys heart broke a little further. 

"I'm gonna get it, sit tight for a moment," Roy whispered with a clocked up voice and a forced smile. 

Ed had wanted the wheelchair out of the house and in the trash as soon as he had gotten around on his automail but Riza and Roy had refused to get rid of it, knowing he might need it in the future. So it sat in the corner of their supply closet, Ed had shoved it there himself with the argumentation that if they had to keep it, he didn't want to look at it from anywhere. 

Before the boys had moved in with them, they had switched up their rooms so they would take one of the upstairs rooms so Ed and Al could have a downstairs ones. 

Roy quickly got the wheelchair in position for Ed who sat down in it with an disapproving look on his face. Eyes clearer now, but his leg was still lightly trembling. Without another word Roy grabbed Ed's backpack and pushed him through the garage into the house. 

Ed took his boots off himself, throwing them in the hall to the other ones, while Roy quickly got out of most of his uniform, rolling up the sleeves of his white button down and got rid of the gun harness under his shoulders. With a reassuring look to himself in the mirror, he got back to Ed. 

"Ed?" he got the kids attention that currently tried manoeuvring the wheel chair with his hands but only hissed as he moved his automail arm. He looked up to Roy, his eyes showing a certain distance and Roy knew this would be tough. 

"I would like to check your ports," he said as gently as he managed and Ed's eyes immediately went dark. 

"It's fine," he mumbled, breaking the eye contact and looking down at his hands in his lap. His none metal hand grabbing the port of his leg again, probably to stop the trembling.

Roy bit his lip before he squatted down in front of Ed's wheelchair again. He had done this so many times in the last years, his knees and his back were starting to complain about it. "Ed you are in pain. I want to help you, to do that I need to have a look," he explained, keeping his hands by himself, knowing that contact in this situation could only make it worse. 

"You only want to take them off," Ed mumbled, glaring at Roy now through his bangs. 

"If I don't see a problem we don't have to take them off, but if there's a risk of them going to be infected again or your muscles and nerves being overworked we have to give it a break," Roy explained slowly and Ed only huffed. 

Roy wouldn't start touching his automail if Ed wasn't comfortable with it. They had to do it once, because Ed was getting feverish and unconscious from the infection and the pain. The kid had not talked to them for a week after that. 

"Roy come on, it's just the regular pain. No reason to be so annoying about it," Ed said, rage creeping slowly into his tone while his nerves were getting thinner and thinner. 

"Miss Daughtry told me you had to go to the bathroom a few times in a row. Did the pain made you be sick?" Roy asked, paying attention that his tone wouldn't change while he said it and Ed's eyes went a tad wider. 

"I-" Ed started as he panicked and started to get fidgety because there was nowhere for him to go. Roy quickly backed up a bit to not give him the feeling of being backed into a corner and gave him some space. 

"You're not in trouble Ed! I promise, I'm not mad, nobody is. I just really need to know!" Rox repeated, keeping his tone and demeanour as calm as possible. 

He kept his eyes on Ed's face, how the boy looked around the hall, his eyes not fixed on anything specific. How his chest unevenly pumped and how he became even more fidgety in the wheelchair. Shit Roy thought as it became clear that Ed was loosing himself in another panic attack. 

Roy didn't know where this was coming from or what this was about but he needed to prevent it from getting worse. 

"Hey Ed?" Roy asked, trying to catch his eyes but Ed was looking everywhere but him. "Edward! Look at me!" Roy repeated, keeping his tone calm, he couldn't panic too right now but Ed was not paying him any attention and only started breathing heavier, his none metal hand clutching on his chest as if he needed more air. "Edward!" Roy tried again getting the kid's attention so he could help him focus but Ed only started swallowing heavily, squeezing his eyes. 

"I- I can't breath!" the kid mumbled between breaths. Without hesitating Roy got up from his squat, got behind the wheelchair and started pushing Ed. 

"No! No! Wait, I-" Ed started, his hand reaching behind him to where Roy was pushing him but Roy only leaned down to Ed. "It's okay, we're just going outside to help you breath! Just outside!" Roy explained, not winching as Ed clawed the fingers of his metal hand in Roy's hand that was pushing the chair. 

They made it outside quick and Roy let go of Ed's chair, telling him again and again to breath with him while Ed kept grabbing Roy's hand. 

"Alright, you're okay! It's just me and you here! Deep breath in, yes very good," Roy whispered right next to Ed who took deep shaky breath of cold air. He hadn't noticed how the weather had turned and dark clouds spread over the sky and the wind was picking up. 

Riza and him had checked the weather, like they always did to be prepared for eventual pain days. But nobody had said anything about rain this week but the weather was never really reliable at this time of year and Roy wondered if this outbreak really was just about the rain.  

He tried hiding his shaking as good as he could while he kept breathing with Ed, waiting patiently until the grip Ed had on his hand finally reduced and he let go. Carefully Roy massaged his hand, red bruises already showed where Ed had clutched his metal fingers into his skin.

Neither of them said a word, while Ed's breathing started to slow down eventually. Only when Ed started shaking visibly too, Roy broke the silence. 

"Let's head back inside," he suggested softly and Ed nodded defeated, letting himself be pushed from Roy without moving. Roy stopped in the kitchen and sat himself down at the table, rubbing his face hard before he looked at Ed again. 

"I'm sorry," the kid whispered again hiding behind his blond bangs. 

"What are you talking about?" Roy asked confused. 

"I'm always making things difficult," Ed said quietly, his hands completely still in his lap and Roy furrowed his brows in confusion. 

"Ed, you don't have to apologise for that! Never! It's not your fault!" Roy argued, meaning every word of it and he hoped the kid noticed. 

He did seem to notice, most of the time the kid was too smart for his own good. 

"I really thought it was the rain. It even looks like rain now," Ed whispered, making a fist with his hand and pressing it together. "I promised telling you next time and I really wanted to try," he continued and Roy stayed silent. Giving Ed the room to explain without judging him in any way. "But then it was kind of too late."

Roy waited if Ed wanted to add anything but the kid stayed stoically silent. 

"Edward please look at me, this is important!" Roy said gently, leaning forward with his elbows propped up on his knees while Ed slowly looked at him with panic in his eyes again. "I am not mad." Roy said slowly so he would finally understand. "I could never be over something like this. I believe you that you wanted to try." Roy stated, a soft smile on his lips. 

A tiny smile appeared on Ed's face and the panic vanished out of his face as he nodded slightly. "Okay," he answered. They had gone over this hundreds of times by now but Roy didn't mind telling him again and again if it meant that in the end his voice would shout louder than the one of Hohenheimer in the kid's head. 

The voice of the bastard that told him that real boys don't complain, that real boys take it without saying a word, that real boys did everything for their fathers without question. This were only bits and pieces Ed had told him over the years and Roy had made it his mission to tear those words down, gather them on a pyre and set them all on fire. 

"Can I take a look at your ports now?" Roy asked after a moment of silence. Ed still looked uncomfortable about the request but eventually nodded and started getting out of his red sweatshirt to show Roy is shoulder port. 

"Is your arm worse than the leg?" Roy asked as he helped Ed with the clothes after he struggled for a few moments. 

"It's pretty even," Ed answered and Roy hissed as he looked at the red and swollen skin all around the edges of his arm port. Carefully he felt the skin that connected with the metal and Ed hissed painfully. The reddened skin was hot too, but it looked more like overstrained muscles and nerves than an infection and a boulder was moving off Roy's heart.

"Alright, let me look at your leg too," he said, helping Ed stand up from the chair and onto one leg to pull down his pants. 

The leg port didn't looked different. The skin was red and swollen and Ed hissed painfully as Roy just as much as brushed the skin. How the kid could've walked like this, without limbing Roy didn't knew. He was mad at himself for not noticing as he stared at the port. 

"It's not your fault either," Ed whispered and Roy looked up to the kid confused. "I learned to hide pain since I can remember," Ed said quietly and Roy noticed how his face had morphed into an angry expression. He scolded it back to a gently smile before saying, "I really think it would be better if we take them off. It doesn't look like a infection to me, but the overstraining muscles and nerves would be quicker back to normal after a break." 

Ed didn't looked very happy about this, but it seemed like he knew this would be the best way and after a moment he nodded. Roy silently wondered how his limbs could be this overworked. The installing of the port had been two years ago and Ed was still in automail recovery. He was in the last stage but there were still things he was not allowed to do and Roy wondered if Ed had broken those rules again. 

It wouldn't be the first time but this was not the time to break that discussion off the fence so he dragged his thoughts back to the current situation. 

"Where do you want to do this? Your room? Ours? Or Living room?" Roy asked, giving Ed choices hopefully made him not feel so hopeless and frustrated about all of this. 

"Living room's fine, I don't wanna be alone," Ed admitted tiredly and Roy made a note for himself to get his work down from his office. The kid rarely voiced what he wanted so whenever he did it mostly was from a place of deep tiredness. 

Roy pushed Ed to the living room and Ed slowly transitioned himself from the wheelchair to the sofa. Roy sat down on the coffee table in front of the sofa, searching for Ed's eyes before he started touching him. 

"Leg or Arm first?" he asked the kid but Ed only shrugged his shoulder and Roy decided on the leg. With quick hands he moved away the plate that covered up the connection between the prosthetic and the nerves. "Ready?" he asked, looking up again. 

He knew Ed didn't wanted a countdown, the anticipating of the pain was mostly worse than the pain itself and he had asked them both to stop it. Ed only squeezed his eyes together and nodded and Roy didn't waste any time before he disconnected the prosthetic from Ed's nerves, pulled a few latches that disconnected the leg from the port and placed in on the coffee table behind him. 

There was a sigh leaving Ed as the weight was taken off his port and Roy was always surprised at how heavy the leg or the arm was and how much additional weight Ed had to carry. 

Roy moved to Ed's shoulder and undid the same plate to get to the connection. 

"Ready?" he asked, before he touched the wires. 

"Let's get this over with!" Ed said between gritted teeth and Roy as gently as possible grabbed the wires and disconnected the arm too, undoing the same latches and pulled the arm from the port. Ed grunted hard and let himself fall back into the cushions of the sofa. 

Roy put the arm next to the leg, not much out of Ed's reach, knowing the kid would get anxious if he would take them out of his eyesight. 

Seeing Ed without his prosthetics was always weird. Since his father had taken his right arm and left leg, it looked disproportionate and left Ed with nearly any ways to get around without help. 

He had leaned to do things with his left hand but that only counted mostly for the basics. There was only so much you could do with one hand. 

"Let me get you some things," Roy said and quickly gathered everything Ed might need. A T-Shirt and another red hoodie from his room, along with some shorts were no additional pant leg was bothering him. He grabbed some ice packs for his ports and pain killers, along with some stacks of paper work from his office he had to finish. 

Ed still had his eyes closed and did not move an inch as Roy helped him into the fresh clothes, pealing the wet clothes from his sweaty skin and handed him the ice packs he placed on his ports. 

Roy offered Ed the pain killers, leaving it to him to take them if he wanted but like alway, Ed only rejected them with a glance. With a nod Roy placed the pills in Ed sight on the coffee table, if he would change his mind. Lastly he draped a blanket over Ed, despite his fever he was shivering again and pulled the blanket tightly around him. 

Roy sat down one of the other sofas and Ed gave him a look but didn't said anything.  A glance onto his paperwork and a few blurred letters later, Roy noticed that he had forgotten his reading glasses upstairs and got up with a sigh again. 

"Roy?" Ed asked already half asleep as he left the living room but turned around immediately by Ed's tone. "Where are you going?" the kid asked quietly, a shimmer of panic in his eyes and Roy's look became soft immediately. 

"I just forgot my glasses, I will be right back!" Roy promised and after a tiny nod from Ed Roy hurried up to his office. In his rush he changed into more comfortable clothes, since he didn't wanted to leave Ed alone for too long when he was attached like this today. 

Ed's eyes catched Roy quickly as he was back and sat down on the sofa, starting on his dreaded paper work. When he looked up, Ed was already asleep. 

Roy had been so invested in the report he was currently reading, that he only noticed Ed's uneasiness as a grunt came form the boy. He looked over to the kid who's face was twisted in pain, he almost looked scared as he started mumbling to himself with his two limbs tangled into the blanket.

Roy's inner alarm started to go off again, knowing Ed's nightmares when he saw one. Quickly he got up from the sofa, headed over to Ed and sat down while pulling Ed's head into his lap.

"No, no leave Al alone! ... please stop.... it hurts .... stop! Stop!," Ed mumbled, starting to trash around now in his sleep, his eyes already wet from the dream and Roy gently removed the strains of hair out of Ed's face. 

"It's alright," Roy hummed quietly, not trying to wake Ed violently and risk another panic attack. The kid couldn't even get a portion of sleep in peace. 

"It hurts... hurts.... just stop! Please! No! I beg you-"

"You're alright, he's gone. He's far far gone and nobody will lay a hand on you ever again!" Roy hummed, while stroking Ed's blond hair carefully. Carefully Roy pulled out the braid of hair Ed had laid on, opening it slowly and with gently fingers, mumbling soothing words to hopefully pull him out of the nightmare. 

Ed's blond hair was soft between his rough hands as he pulled the braided hair apart. The strains started to get longer the more Roy unbraided the hair and carefully draped the hair around Ed's head. 

"You're fine, you're home with us, with me and Riza and Al. Nobody is hurting you anymore. You only overworked yourself. There is nobody hurting Al. He's still in school. Riza is going to pick him up later..." Roy continued mumbling things to him, explaining their lives.

As the braid was completely gone and Ed's hair was spread over Roy's lap, he started gently twisted the hair between his fingers, as he watched how Ed started to settle down. "You're good, it's alright! You're safe now!" Roy kept going.

Suddenly golden eye's were blinking up at him and Ed stared up to Roy with pain written all over his face. 

"Hey, you had a nightmare but we're home now," Roy explained softly, continuing to stroke through Ed's hair. 

"ts hurtin'" Ed mumbled and Roy moved slowly as he picked up the pain meds from the coffee table. 

"They gonna make the pain go away," Roy promised, offering the pills to Ed again and this time he didn't think twice before taking them from Roy's hand and swallowing them dry.

He wished time could heal his two boys from things like this. From nightmares and panic attacks and their strong codependency. But he knew Ed would have pain days like this probably for his whole life and Al would struggle with his eating for probably his whole life. 

Riza always told him they could only help as much as possible, but some things wouldn't vanish even if they poured their hearts and souls into the boys. 

Thoughtless Roy kept stroking Ed's hair, until the boy settled down again not moving from his lap and falling back asleep. His pain-ridden face smoothed out slowly as the painkillers worked their effect. With Ed still curled up on his lap, his hair between Roy's fingers and Ed's one hand weakly but firmly grabbed the fabric of Roy's shirt. 

Roy only carefully bend down and breathed a kiss on his hair before he grabbed his paper work again that he had discharged on the coffee table and got back to his reports, his one hand tangled in Ed's hair. 

Maybe he couldn't take away days like this, but he could make them easier to bear, make him feel he wasn't alone with this. That there was someone who didn't mind, someone who stayed no matter the time or place.

Chapter Text

"Yes Al I'm on my way right now, give me ten minutes alright?" Riza pulled the car door shut harder than necessary while pinning the phone between her ear and shoulder. Hayate was wining quietly on the backseat and Riza reached one hand back to give him a head pat.

"Okay, I tried calling them but none of them is picking up their phone," Al said, he sounded panicked and Riza wished she would be with him already.

"It's alright, Roy picked Ed up a few hours ago and they have probably fallen asleep or something and don't hear either of their phones," Riza explained with a gentle voice while she started the car. 

"Yeah... probably... why did Roy pick Ed up?" Al asked and Riza noticed the immense worry through the phone.

"I don't know Al, we will see when we get home okay? Wait for me, I'm hurrying as fast as I can, promise!" apparently Riza had not concealed her annoyed tone enough because Al wasn't responding and silence flooded the line. "Al? I'll be there in no time okay?" she tried again more gentle this time and Al responded with a quiet agreement before he hung up. 

Riza led her head rest on the steering wheel for a moment. The day had started going to shit as they arrived at the office with new orders already waiting for them, drowning them in tedious paper work for a new case with no leads.

Then the school had called Roy to pick Ed up, what left Riza with picking up Al later and both of them needing to cut the day short, when actually she had wanted some extra hours at the office to get a hold of everything.

Not that she was complaining, she loved the boys, they had brought something to their lives that neither of them knew they were missing. So Riza pulled herself back together, ready to deal with an panicked anxious Al because his brother hadn't picked up the phone since Roy had picked him up of school. 

It took her even less than ten minutes before she pulled up in front of the school and Al found her almost immediately. The blond boy carefully checked the street before he came running towards the car and got into the backseat. 

"Hey Al, how was your day?" Riza asked as soon as Al opened the door. 

"Do you really don't know about Ed or do you just don't want to tell me?" Al asked back, his golden eyes torn open in worry as he stared at Riza. 

She turned around to Al, giving into the eye contact and said, "I really don't know Al. If I knew, I would tell you!"

This seemed to take away some of Al's panic about his brother and he settled into the seat. Hayate was on him a moment later and Al hugged the dog gently and petted him while Riza started the car again. 

Tension was radiating off Al and Riza tried unsuccessfully to get him to talk about his day but Al only gave her short answers while giving all his attention to Hayate. 

"Al?" the boy looked up as Riza made eye contact with him through the rear mirror. "It's gonna be alright. If anything would have happened, Roy would have already called us!" she stated. 

Al gave her a long look before he nodded again and Riza swallowed down the sigh in her throat. 

Both of the boys had come a long way but that didn't mean it was easy. Ed and Al had some strong codependency problems they were working on for months now. It was a delicate topic to both of the boys and they weren't silent about how they didn't appreciate when Riza and Roy tried prying them carefully away form each other for short amounts of time. 

Like Roy taking Ed to the planetarium, or Riza taking Al with Hayate to the dog park. 

It was always a test of their nerves and patience but they knew it was worth it, when Ed finally stopped worrying about Al and ran off into the planetarium, pulling Roy with him and wouldn't stop talking about how great the universe was. He would marvel at the enormous glass prints and read through the explanations quicker than Roy himself. 

It was worth it when she told Roy that Al had taught Hayate a new trick he had asked from another dog owner at the park. That he had even talked to other kids at the park that were there with their own dogs too. How excited the two boys had been while telling the other about their days. 

Little things like these made it easier on both of them when Ed had to stay in the hospital again because his automail was making problems and Al wasn't allowed to stay with him. Or when Al had to go to his physical therapy and Ed couldn't join him because his own body was denying him.  

It helped them finding interests of their own, Al had joined the literature Club in School and Ed had spoken about wanting to join maybe a sports team in the future. 

Riza had to remind herself of these things when on days like these things were harder again. When it seemed they hadn't made any progress. 

When Al was worrying so much about his big brother that it looked like he had to puke. When he would refuse to eat because Ed's limbs were arching so much that he couldn't leave the bed. 

When Ed was acting out violently because Al refused to eat, pleading he wasn't hungry and Roy and Riza let him get away with it. When he steadied Al who's legs were giving out on him all while Ed wasn't really stable on his own two feet.

Riza pushed the speed limit, knowing all the reassurance in the world wouldn't make Al feel at ease as long as he wouldn't see Ed with his own eyes. 

The motor of the car wasn't even turned off as Al already jumped out of the car and ran up to the house. 

Riza didn't call after him, knowing it wouldn't do anything and only parked the car and got Hayate from the backseat who was still clipped in with his safety harness. With the black dog by her side Riza quickly walked up to the house. Seeing Roy's car in the driveway had taken the most of her worries away. 

She stepped through the still open door and let Hayate off his leash, before dropping her shoes and coat in the hall. 

Unsure why the whole house was silent, Riza made her way first through the kitchen and then into the living room, were she found Al silently standing in the door frame. 

Quietly she stepped up right to his side to see what he was starring at. 

The picture presented to her warmed her heart immediately. 

Roy was slumped into one corner of the sofa, his head had fallen back and his reading glasses had slipped down on his nose while he was soundly asleep. One of his hands was gripping one last paper sheet, all the others had already fallen to the ground. 

His other hand was in Ed's loose hair, while Ed's head was in his lap. His mouth was wide open, snoring like a bear while he was laying on his back, his shirt had pulled up to expose his stomach like it did so often when he was deeply asleep. 

"They are more than alright," Riza whispered into Al's ear gently with a smile tugging on her lips. 

"Yeah," Al replied, his eyes set on Ed's prosthesis on the coffee table. "I should have told you he was in pain," he suddenly whispered, guilt swinging in his tone. 

Riza debated for a moment, she didn't knew the whole story but based on what Al just had said, she had a pretty good idea on what happened. 

"Do you want to tell me more about that while we make something to eat for us and them, when they wake up?" Riza asked offering, knowing that Al was more likely to talk when he was busy doing something than having to sit in front of Riza and tell her. 

After a moment of considering and another look to the duo on the sofa, while Ed's snoring steadily accompanied them, Al nodded and followed Riza into the kitchen. 

Carefully Riza closed the door so they wouldn't wake up Roy and Ed and began to fill Al's hands with tasks, while Hayate was walking between their legs up and down, hunting for vegetables falling down until Riza send him to his place. The dog wined at her but followed the command and watched them from his pillow in one of the kitchen corners. In comfortable silence they stood next to one another while Al carefully helped peeling and cutting the vegetables. 

"I should have told you he was in pain," Al said again after a while. 

"How did you know he was in pain?" Riza asked, keeping her tone completely natural and light. She didn't want to make Al feel like he was in an interrogation or he had to justify his actions. This was not his fault, not in the slightest and he needed to understand that. 

"He's not hiding it so good around me as he is around you," Al explained, his eyes fixed on the knife in his hand while he cut the tomatoes.

"And why do you think you would need to tell us?" Riza kept asking, noticing how Al was rolling his eyes but didn't comment on it. 

"Because now he apparently pushed himself so far again that Roy had to pick him up and take them off!" Al explained as if Riza was being stupid. 

"But that doesn't explain why you would need to tell us about Ed's pain," she replied, her own attention set on the stove and the onions she was frying. 

"He obviously didn't tell you anything about it!" Al said, a sharp tone in his voice now and Riza crooked one eyebrow. 

"That still doesn't sound like it is your problem," she said softly. 

"I know what you're doing!" Al said, he nearly had snapped at her but had reigned in his temper early enough, like always. Alphonse Elric rarely lost his temper around them. "It's when you think you are sneaky about separating me from Ed!" 

"I'm not separating you from your brother Al, you're very welcome to join him and sit by his side if you like," Riza said, afraid for a moment that she had went to far and glanced over to the boy. 

"That's not what I meant!" Al said, his voice sounding tight now and he was chopping the paprika way too hard. 

"Then was did you meant?" 

"I know, that you're trying to make clear to me that I'm not responsible for Ed's problems! And that I'm not responsible for solving them!" Al said with an angry tone, his words in synch every time the knife came down on the cutting board. 

"Seems like I don't need to make anything clear to you," Riza said, a small smile on her lips. Seemed like some of her words had traveled through Al's thick skull.

"It's so- he's such an idiot! When he doesn't look after his body than-" 

"It is his responsibility when something like this happens. You have nothing to do with it," Riza interrupted him, already knowing were this was going.

"I know. I know! But now he's- aren't I a bad brother when I could have prevented this?" Al asked. He had stopped cutting, the knife loose in his grip. 

Riza pulled the pan from the hot stove and placed in somewhere safe to turn to Al, she stepped up next to him and leaned with her back against the cupboard.

"You know how Roy sometimes smokes a cigarette outside and tries to hide it?" Riza asked with a small smile on her lips as Al snorted and nodded. 

"You both know that he is a recovering alcoholic, he used to drink and smoke a lot after we came back from Ishval. It was so bad that he sometimes smoked two packs a day while drinking himself into unconsciousness," Riza continued, thinking back to the time after the war and her heart hardened for a moment, before she remembered why she wanted to tell Al this. 

"Now, I could have stolen the packs and the bottles away from him, stolen his lighter, taken his wallet so he wouldn't buy any new beer or cigarettes. I could've screamed at him, begged him to stop, locked him in a room and forced him to become sober and so much more. But I didn't do any of that," she stopped for a moment, remembering a particular situation after Roy had woken up screaming again. It must've been a particular bad nightmare this time, because it had taken much more reassurance than normally before he snapped out of the flashback. Before his eyes had become clear with reality again, clear of the mud from the battlefield. 

Afterwards he had killed an entire bottle of scotch by himself and chain smoked a whole pack in one night. Riza had sat next to him the entire time, helped him wretch into the bushes and get back into bed in the morning. 

"Instead I sat next to him, watched out for him that he wouldn't kill himself with his behavior. I helped him when he was at the lowest point of his life and I helped him when he finally said he wanted to quit. I told him how proud I was when he was thirty days sober. I sat next to him when he relapsed, without guilt or preaching. He's been sober for over five years now," Riza ended. They would be so much more to tell, it hadn't been so easy like she let it sound. It was actually hell on earth, watching her husband destroy himself while she couldn't do anything about it. 

"Now, am I a bad wife for doing that? Should I instead forced him to become sober and quit? Should I take responsibility for him even starting all of that because I didn't make him happy enough and-" 

"No, of course not!" Al interrupted her, his voice was tired. He had probably already understood what point Riza wanted to make with this. Now he turned fully to him, waiting until he made eye contact with her. 

"We can't solve other people's problems, we can't change them either and we're not bad people for not trying!" she said gently as Al stared at her with his golden eyes, a deep sadness on the surface of them. 

"Are we supposed to watch them destroy themselves then?" he asked hopeless and with a little sniff.

"No of course not! I'm not talking about watching and doing nothing, there is a lot you can do. You can offer your help, offer assistance, make clear that you are supporting or just simply be there for him, distract or hold him. There is a lot you can do but you can't shoulder his problems too, you have your own life to look after!" for a moment Riza feared she had said too much again. 

Alphonse was very mature for his age, but he still was only twelve. Just before Riza could row back Al wiped his nose with his sleeve before he fell into her arms and nodded. 

Gently but surely Riza kneeled down to him to she could hug him back tightly while Al mumbled against her shoulder, "Alright, I try." 

"That's all I'm asking for," Riza whispered back, pressing a soft kiss on Al's forehead. 

"I'm starving!" Ed voice was muffled through the closed door but Riza could still hear the movement in the living room. Al perked up as he heard his brother's voice and looked over to Riza hopeful now. 

The stew on the stove was ready and they were currently cleaning the kitchen. Riza only gave him a smile and Al placed the plates he was drying on the cupboard and raced out of the kitchen. 

"Ed!" Al called out excitedly and she heard how Ed called out for his brother too. His voice sounded not as rough as normally and he was a tad too happy. Riza suspected he was still on pain medication and her suspicions was confirmed as Ed said, "Yeah D- Roy gave me the good stuff, I'm as good as new!" 

"Alright, slow down bud," she heard Roy chuckle and finally headed over to the living room after drying the last plate. 

"Oh shit, I'm dizzy," Ed called out unimpressed and snorted a moment later. 

"Yeah, let your circulation catch up with you," Roy said and Riza watched how Roy pushed Ed back down from his standing position on one leg. Al was sitting on the coffee table right in front of Ed, from behind Al nearly looked exactly like Ed expect for the hair. 

It had taken years to take his body back to a healthy weight. He was still slim and skinny and didn't had the best immune system or strength but he was getting there and that was all that mattered. 

"Riza!" Ed called out happily then as he met her eyes and she smiled again. What had Roy given him? 

"Hey Ed, how you're doing?" Riza asked as Roy notched the wheelchair into Ed's reach before he headed over to her. 

"Better, far better but my judgement could be clouded from the pain meds," Ed said with a grin and Riza chuckled as she met her husbands eyes. 

"Hey," she greeted him, he only smiled back at her, softly kissed her hello and gave her a tight hug. 

"Had a good nap?" she whispered in his ear teasingly and a deep chuckle climbed up from Roy's chest. "Actually yes," Roy whispered back, his head resting on her shoulder.

"What happened?" she asked still quietly, watching Ed and Al bicker about something while she still hugged Roy tightly.

"The Math witch called me because he was in pain, his ports are swollen and the muscles are probably overstrained too. He also had a light fever but after I took the prosthesis off and some helping meds, he fell asleep quickly," Roy rattled off and Riza took the information in silently. 

There was probably more too it but they didn't need to get into that in front of the boys. 

"We made stew!" Al called out now as he helped Ed transfer over into the wheelchair. Seeing Ed in the big white shirt and just shorts, without his prosthesis let him seem painfully thirteen. 

"I love stew!" Ed called out excited and tried pushing himself forwards but didn't got very far with his remaining arm and looked over to Al for help. Al jumped up from the coffee table and made his way behind Ed's wheelchair. He looked over Riza with a shy smile and Riza gave him a tiny smile back. 

Roy slowly pushed himself away from Riza, took the reading glasses from his nose and threw them on the coffee table too, rubbing his eyes with a sigh while the boys went ahead into the kitchen. 

"This was not how this day was supposed to go," he sighed. 

"Does any day go as planned nowadays?" Riza asked with a chuckle and Roy looked at her with soft eyes. 

"Ed seems weirdly happy? What did you gave him?" she asked as she heard plates clatter from the kitchen, Al probably set the table. 

"When I picked him up from school, he was in so much pain he couldn't walk, when I asked him if I could take the prosthesis off to have a look at his ports, he had a panic attack. Later on the sofa he had another nightmare" Roy explained, he sounded still tired, "So I gave him the good stuff."

"Yeah, sounds plausible," she said, carefully stroking the strains of hair that hung in Roy's eyes out of his face and cupped his cheek afterwards. 

"Seems like you did great," she added with a soft tone, thinking back how Ed's head had been in Roy's lap. 

Her husband only gave her another sigh and a tightlipped smile. 

"How did Al cope?" he asked then, probably desperate to change the topic. 

"Not great at the start, he was angsty and tense when I picked him up. When we got home, he blamed himself for not telling us Ed's been in pain for the last days," Riza explained and a dark look creeped into Roy's eyes. 

"He's always-" 

"Yeah, we talked about it. I told him about the time after Ishval, he promised he would try," Riza cut the story short, worried how Roy would react about her telling Al about it. 

The two boys knew that Roy was sober, that he was recovering from his alcohol abuse and they were surprisingly accurate about it. But they had never told them anything specific and technically Riza hadn't told Al anything specific but she still wanted Roy to know. 

"What did you told him?" he asked, biting his lower lip. 

"Nothing really, just mainly what I did in that time, to make clear to him that he couldn't change a person and only help them change themselves,"  she explained and Roy stared at her with the softest look in his eyes. 

"I really love you, you know that?" he whispered, leaning down to her meet her lips slowly. 

"Yeah, I know," she whispered back and closed the short distance between them, kissing him back softly. 

"Can you two wrap it up? I'm starving!" Ed called from the kitchen and Riza chuckled against Roy's lips while he only sighed again, "Another day in paradise." 

Chapter Text

"I don't know Ed, I think it would be better if you stay off your prosthesis a few more days," 

"Fuck no!" 

Ed watched how Roy took a deep calming breath through the nose, as if he was the one that was currently missing half his fucking limbs!

"Ed, your muscles are still strained just like your nerves. It will only hurt and make everything worse, you're still not out of danger territory," he explained, his tone calm and reasoning. It only made the storm of anger in Ed's chest rotate stronger. 

"How the fuck would you know, you're not a damn doctor!" he argued loudly, stomping his one foot angrily on the ground. He was feeling fine! Maybe still a little bit exhausted and dizzy sometimes, but otherwise fine! Two years of recovery already lay behind him, but this last years proved to be the most annoying of all. 

"No I'm not a doctor but I spoke to yours and told him what happened and he said exactly the same. Besides I have a lot of practice what overstrained muscles look like by now,"  Roy continued on, still squatting in front of Ed who was seated on the sofa, his remaining hand pressed into a fist. This was the absolute worst!

"You spoke to him behind my back?" Ed snapped, glaring up to Roy, trying to provoke the bastard. He wanted- he needed a fight right now! Somehow he needed to get rid of this energy. When he couldn't move on his own, his adhd always got worse. He knew that, but there was nothing he could do against it. 

"Yeah, better than pulling you to him in person. Now you don't have to see or talk to him, easy fix right?" Roy asked forcefully joyful and got out of his squad and sat down on the coffee table. 

Ed was silent, there was nothing to throw at Roy anymore as the men stared at him with this serious look. 

"I don't care, it sucks being like this!" Ed pressed out then. It was only early midday but he was already at the end of his nerves. It's been a day since Roy had picked him up from school and Ed desperately wanted to get up from this stupid sofa, he had spend the majority of this day. 

Being without his prosthesis was a nightmare at all times. He couldn't get around the house normally, always relying on someone to push the fucking wheelchair or limbing around on one crutch. 

Having one hand sucked ass, he couldn't read or write normally, he definitely wouldn't go to school like this. Everyone was always on edge to help him to do anything, asking if he was fine, if he needed anything. 

All this babying drove him insane. He wanted to be normal again, doing all of this normal shit for himself, with his own hands and feet. Doing everything with his left hand, made him clumsy and set his motor skills back on the level of a fucking toddler. And the balancing problem were worse than ever, he was so used to the weight of the prosthesis that being without them messed so much with his balance that he had even trouble standing. 

He spend enough months feeling miserable after loosing his limbs, dealing with the damn phantom pain for far too long. Tolerating the people who did the most basic humane things for him like pulling up his damn pants. Why did he went through the stupid automail operation, followed by the damn years of painful rehab, just to be told he couldn't use them yet?

He wouldn't spend one more day than necessary like this! 

"Ed I know. But it will only take longer for your body to get back to full capacity again if you put them on now and the risk for nerve damage is still dangling over your head, you know that!" Roy tried to explain again. Ed hadn't counted how many times he had said this exact same sentence now. 

"I know Roy, I fucking know that, you're telling me this again and again, like a fucking broken record but I don't fucking care! Why don't you understand a word I fucking say?" Ed yelled now, glaring at Roy while kicking the crutch that had leaned against the coffee table through the room. He wanted to destroy more, preferable Roy's face. 

"And why don't you understand that I'm just doing this for your own good since you clearly don't care about your health?" Roy yelled back now, his hands were cramped around the edge of the table while he stared back at Ed just as angry now. Finally! 

"Can you finally stop acting like a fucking god damn fuck-face father?" 

"Edward!" a shocked voice called from the other side of the room now and Ed's head snatched around, locking eyes with Al who stood frozen in the doorframe of the living room, Hayate still on his leash. 

Al stared at him as if he had seen a ghost, while his mouth was in a hard line, all the color drained from his face while Hayate whined quietly. Ed looked back to Roy, he was still angry with him but the hard expression and the hurt in the man's eyes felt like someone poured a bucket of cold water over his raging head. 

"Fuck this!" Ed stated, and tried reaching for the prosthesis but Roy was already moving. 

"I'm not doing this to punish you. I would never, this is for your own good," Roy said firm, his voice sounded flat and Ed's eyes grew bigger and he stopped in his movement as he watched how Roy took his prosthesis from the coffee table. 

"No, Roy don't do this!" he said, his eye trained on the metal between Roy's arms as he moved toward the door. "Come on, I'm sorry! ROY! Don't you dare!" Ed yelled, his tone teared at his vocal cords as he moved to the edge of the sofa as if he could follow Roy out of the living room. 

"This is not a punishment," Roy explained, looking down to Al who still stood frozen in the door frame meeting eyes with the men.

"Alphonse! Fucking do something! He can't just- Roy, no! Please! I'm sorry, you stupid- don't- don't leave me here without- you damned motherfu- ROY! PLEASE!" Ed yelled as Roy continued walking out of the room with his arm and leg in his arms. 

The last time Ed had yelled like this, had been the day his father had taken his real arm and leg. He probably would never forget the pain as the bastard cut through the muscle and bones and skin with that kitchen knife, daring him to be silent or his little brother would take his place instead. 

He hadn't noticed that his eyes had started to wet as he listened how Roy walked up the stairs unto the second floor. 

"You bastard! Come back here! I- Roy please! I'm sorry, I'm-" suddenly he was standing, lost his balance and dared to fall until skinny arms hugged him tightly. He trashed and yelled, his eyes watered more and he hatred himself for it while his throat hurt from screaming but Al's arms weren't going anywhere. He still hold onto him, hold him upright or else he would've kissed the floor by now. 

"Brother, you should sit down!" Al whispered softly but Ed only started trashing again as he heard steps coming back down from the top floor and rage swapped with the frustration and hopelessness that had built up in his stomach. 

The rage was nearly blinding as the black haired bastard was standing in the door frame again without Ed's fucking limbs. 

"Roy, I think his fever is getting worse!" Al said quietly after Ed had slapped his hand away from his forehead. His blond hair was still loose and hung in his eyes, stuck to his wet cheeks disgustingly. 

With heavy eyes Roy came closer but Ed only hurried back, nearly slipping out of Al's grib while he glared up to the bastard with unhidden rage in his eyes.

"Don't you dare touch me right now!" he threatened and Roy flinched visibly.

"Ed, come on. You should-" Roy started but he couldn't listen to another word this man was saying. 

"Don't fucking tell me what to do! Fuck you! Fuck you and your fucking intentions to help! This is not helping! You're just like him- him and-" 

"Brother! That's enough! You're burning up!" Al interrupted him forcefully, feeling Ed's forehead again but this time there was no strength in him to swat his brothers hand away. 

Out of the corner of his eyes, he watched how Roy started to move and quickly slid the wheelchair behind him. 

"I hate you! I hate all of you! Why can't you just let me-" 

"Yeah, same old words brother! Stop fighting the help for once, okay?" Al interrupted him again. Where was this coming from? Why was Al being this mean? Why was he betraying him like this?

Without much strength to fight anymore, Al lowered him down into his forsaken wheelchair. He had successfully worn all his energy out with yelling and fighting both of them. Great! 

He glared as Roy moved from behind to in front of him and set his foot on the foot rest, angling his leg so it wouldn't slip away from him. Fucking damn bastard! After he told him to not touch him! 

"Come on now, let's get him to bed!" Roy said softly and Ed only grunted. 

"Fuck-" 

"Shut up Ed, save you're strength alright?" Al sounded ... tired? Why was he suddenly tired? Ed tried to keep his eyes open while he got pushed through the house, out of the living room and through the hall to his and Al's room. 

Why was he suddenly so tired? Why does his skin felt like burning up and his head like it would explode any second? Oh ... fuck! 

"Alright, I got this Al, get some water please and the fever thermometer," Roy said but his voice sounded miles away. They stopped moving and as Ed cracked one eye open, he could make out his bed. 

Just a second later, Roy was in his line of sight again and he glared at him through his dizzy mind. 

"I'm going to pick you up now," Roy explained, his voice sounded weird and Ed grunted, wanting to protest but the words weren't making it past his lips. So a few moment later there were hands on him, strong big hands and Ed couldn't press down the shiver that ran down his back. 

"It's alright, just me. Just a second, you got this!" Roy whispered as he picked Ed out of the wheelchair and helped him into bed. Ed pulled away from Roy as soon as possible, trying to get ahold of his banging head. 

-

"Ed? You're awake? Ed?" 

"I'm awake now," Ed grunted, keeping his eyes closed while Al's bed creaked as he got up. 

Ed listened how Al got out of his own bed, the old floorboards creaked as he quickly hushed through the room, towards Ed's bed. 

As Ed cracked one eye open, Al was staring down on him, eyes big as moons as he waited. Ed sighed as he pulled up his covers and Al quickly got into his bed, he still was mad but he wouldn't deny his little brother a request like that.  

Al pressed himself against his side, while Ed moved around to pull him in tightly. This wasn't something unordinary. They had shared at bed for the last years they stayed with Riza and Roy, but recently they tried to learn to sleep apart, not by their decision of course. 

It only worked half of the time. The other half one of the two creeped through the room and sneaked into the bed of the other. 

Al tangled his leg with Eds, pressing into his brother more and Ed pressed his nose into Al's short blond hair. 

He didn't really remembered getting into bed and his head was still pounding a little as Al took a deep breath. 

"I don't like this," Al stated quietly. 

"You miss the cold metal?" Ed joked flatly but Al only huffed. 

"That's not what I meant," his brother stated pounding. Ed had far more complexes about his prothesis than Al had, he also didn't really wanted to talk about earlier this day. He was still pissed off with Roy. 

"I don't like when you two fight like this," Al made clear and Ed bit his tongue. 

"Well, if he had just given me back my limbs, than none of this would have happened!" he shot back and Al stayed silent for a moment. But it wasn't a good silent and Ed closed his eyes and sighed. He sensed that Al had something to say about this. 

"No, if you simply would not be a stubborn dumbass, none of this would have happened!" Al said then, his tone harder than normally and Ed felt the strong need to push his brother out of his bed. 

He didn't of course, but the desire was there. 

"You are a stubborn dumbass!" Ed shot back mumbled. 

"Can we stop attacking each other and talk about this?" Al huffed annoyed like the little mediator that he was. 

"You wanted to talk, I wanted to sleep," Ed stated, still mad about how the whole day had turned out. 

"Ed you're so- urgh!" Al untangled himself from Ed and rolled onto his back, starring up to the ceiling angrily. Ed waited. Al rarely got like this, impatient with an attitude, that was Ed's job. But when he did it was better to let him work through it without pushing him. Ed had learned that the hard way. 

"Alright, I can't change you I only can help you change yourself," he mumbled under his breath before he spoke up again and Ed wondered who of their two guardians had come up with that crap. 

"Look, I know it's hard for you without-" 

"Without limbs? Yeah fucking sucks did you ever tried?" Ed interrupted Al immediately. He didn't want to talk about this shit, he did that enough in therapy.

"Ed, can you let me finish my sentence?" Al had propped himself up on one  elbow now and looked down on Ed with a sour expression. Ed hated when people looked down on him and Al seemed to understand because he laid back down quickly as Ed glared up to him. 

"Fine," Ed grunted as Al lay next to him again. He could still feel that his skin was hotter than it should be, the fever probably wasn't gone completely and his argument with Roy only had strained his already poor health. 

"I can only imagine that it must ... sucks ass to be without your prosthesis." Al started slowly and Ed had to bit his tongue to not interrupt him again. "I know that probably this ... helplessness must be pretty hard, I had that too back when-" Al swallowed before he continued and Ed knew where this was headed and he didn't like it. 

"Back when we lived with father-" 

"Al-" Ed tried but by his tone he knew his brother wouldn't stop now. 

"When he locked me up in that room and just... forgot about me. And I heard you scream on that day, I felt-" 

"Al come on, let's not talk about that!" Ed pressed out, trying to not let his temper get the better of him like every time someone - mostly their therapist - wanted to talk about that day.

That day where his so called father had chopped off one of his legs and one of his arms as a sacrifice for a ritual he had found in one of his books, that made him believe he could bring back the dead. The old men had spend the entire years after their mothers death to find something to bring her back. 

In the end it only brought him jail time and a two half dead kids. 

"We never talk about it! Not once in three years! Don't you think it's time now?" Al asked and Ed groaned. 

"Why now?" Ed hissed, moving around in bed to arranging himself better, trying to be less self-conscious about his stumps. 

"Because you always get such out of control when Roy or Riza have to take your prosthesis away, because else you would wear them until you killed yourself from overusing! This is serious Ed! I- I don't want to keep watching you suffer when you just don't have to anymore!" Al had said all of that way louder and Ed was sure that either Roy or Riza had heard it too. 

"I want to see you when your mobility gets taken away from you!" Ed snapped because he knew Al was right and he hated it. 

Now his brother was pushing himself up on his bony elbow again, looking down on Ed with those golden eyes. 

"You did. I too have lost my mobility back then. I nearly died too because Father locked me up in that room upstairs, forgot about me for several weeks and starved me to the point where I couldn't even hold myself up anymore!" Al said after a while and guilt dripped into Ed's chest, but it was quickly washed over by rage.  

"Well, unlike you I can't grow my fucking limbs back!" 

Ed, you idiot! You and your fucking temper.

Horrified Ed watched how Al's face turned cold. How he stared down at Ed with no emotion at all, hurt washed through his eyes for a second but it was hidden behind apathy quickly and without much hesitation Al started to move. 

"Al wait, I'm sorry I-" Ed stuttered, trying to hold onto his brother but he couldn't push himself up and grab for him with just one arm. So Al quickly got out of the bed without looking at Ed once and moved towards the door. 

"Al wait! I said I'm sorry! I didn't mean to- AL!" Ed yelled but AL wasn't even turning back to him and only opened the door. 

"Alphonse! Don't just leave! ALPHONSE!" Ed yelled again but his brother was out of the door a moment later. 

Fuck! Shit! Damn it! You fucking idiot!

With a banging head Ed pushed himself up, Al had let the door open and he could hear how his brother moved towards the stairs. Not the damn stairs! He couldn't follow him on the stairs like this! 

Hectically he looked around the room, the wheelchair was just next to his bed but he couldn't really get forward with only one hand. But his crutch was leaning against the chair and without wasting too much time, Ed grabbed it and quickly, too quickly because he went dizzy, got on his foot.  

"Al! Wait for me!" Ed called out, but his voice sounded too thin, too panicked. 

He limped through the room, extremely unbalanced because he was used to the weight of the automail and rarely stood without it anymore. 

He heard how Al moved over towards the stairs, the old floorboard creaking and aching along the entire way. 

Ed felt how Al slipped through his fingers. 

His brother ran away from him, choosing the only option were he knew for sure that Ed couldn't follow him. 

"Alphonse! Come back, I said I'm sorry! AL!" Ed called while limping forward, moving the crutch too slowly and stumbled hard but catched himself last second. Blond strains of hair were getting in his sight and he cursed Roy for even opening his braid.

Al vanished around the corner to the stairs like a ghost and Ed's heart slammed against his ribcage. If he could reach him before Al reached the stairs he could hold on to him, pull him back into his reach and explain everything. 

Al knew he was a hothead, he knew he said things he didn't meant, right? He knew, right? 

Ed moved as quickly as his two limbs allowed him, turning the corner completely out of breath and expecting Al on the first stair but as he looked up, the wooden staircase was empty and he only catched the glimpse of one last bony arm that vanished onto the upstairs hallway. 

"Al! Come on, don't do this! I'm sorry! ALPHONSE! Stop being so damn stubborn and-" Ed smashed his crutch against the first stair angry, staring up the staircase yet again. Eyeing it like the impossible obstacle that it was for him. He waited, but Al wasn't coming back.

No, he wouldn't be defeated by damn fucking stairs! He wouldn't let Al use this to get cut him off, leave him alone, all by himself. They didn't do things like this! They didn't just left each other! Because being apart meant danger, hurt and no protection of- 

Being apart was wrong!

Al knew that. 

They didn't do things like this!

Without thinking about it for one more second, Ed set his crutch up on the first stair, summed all his will and physical power and hived himself onto the first stair. If Al wasn't coming to him, he would get to Al! It was as easy as that!

As his foot stood on safe ground again he fought for his balance, daring to fall over, with no second hand to hold onto the railing. He was so tired of fighting of gravity by now. 

Standing safe again, he made himself ready for the second stair. 

He put his crutch up on it again, summoning all his energy again, ready to repeat the painstaking process of climbing stairs again and again until he could reach out for his baby brother again, before a panicked, "Ed!" let his head snap up. 

On top of the staircase stood Roy, barefoot in his checkered pyjama pants and a black shirt. The man stared down on Ed with a horrified expression on his face. 

"I need to talk to Al!" Ed said while gritting his teeth, staring up to Roy with a glare. He still hadn't forgotten what Roy had done, how he had taken his prosthesis away, his mobility, how it was the bastard fault all of this was happening! 

"Ed, you're crazy get down from the stairs! You're gonna fall and break your damn neck!" Roy called out, his voice not calm and collected like always and it drove a little satisfaction through Ed's body.

"I need to talk to Al!" he repeated, his crutch still on the second stair and he made himself ready to get up again, but as soon as his foot left the ground he noticed that gravity would win this fight again. 

"EDWARD!" Roy called out as Ed's crutch broke away under him, gravity clawing him down to receive the reward like it always did.

-

Roy watched how Ed slammed down on the stairs and the air was knocked out of his lungs from panic. That stupid kid! Why did he always had to do these stupid things? 

He got shaken out of his frozen state a second later and hurried down the stairs as fast as possible. All the tiredness forgotten as Ed lay there groaning and grunting. Roy kneeled by his side quickly.  

"Ed? Can you hear me? Edward! What is hurting? Ed?" Roy waited for an answer as he slowly pulled Ed's head into his lap, freeing his face of the blond loose strands of hair with gentle fingers. 

But Ed was only groaning and mumbling something under his breath. 

"I can't hear you kiddo, you have to speak up for me!" Roy said, trying to control the panic that owned his tone. He scanned Ed's body for any visible damage, any poking out broken bones, any blood pouring out from somewhere but came out clean. 

"Roy?" came a whisper from the top floor and Roy's snapped up. Riza's look was as panicked and scared as his own as she stared down on him. Out of a dash of parental thinking, he he mouthed, "Alphonse!" to her, praying she understood that Al didn't need to see this. Both of them knew he would only blame himself for Ed's idiotic and careless behaviour. 

They had heard most of the boys conversation. Both had flinched as Ed had yelled those words that had driven Al away from him. They had both sighed, giving each other looks with heavy eyes. 

As if their brains were connected Riza understood immediately and vanished behind the corner, followed by her quiet voice and Al's panicked one. A moment later, he heard a door behind shut gently. 

"E..yi..g," Ed mumbled now and Roy attention cut back to the kid in pain in his lap. 

"What was that? I didn't got that," Roy leaned down to Ed as he repeated it quietly. 

"Everything," Ed whispered, his eyes pressed shut while he talked, he was slightly shaking and Roy eyed the T-Shirt and the shorts that Ed was in.  

"What do you mean kiddo?" 

"Everything hurts," Ed said a little bit louder now and his face morphed into a pained expression. Roy gave him a sympathetic look. 

"And I need to apologise to Al, I said something really nasty," Ed continued, taking a deep breath through the nose. 

"Alright, let's get you to bed first okay?" Roy decided, stroking over Ed's hair. 

"No, no I need to say sorry to Al first!" Ed mumbled and started to move now only to hiss in pain a second later. 

"You can say sorry when you are in your bed!" Roy argued, he wanted to get the kid away from the damn stairs and the cold floor as fast as possible. He also needed to check Ed for any serious injuries.

"I'm going to pick you up now," Roy explained, scanning the kids body to be sure that it was safe to move him, before he started to get Ed off the floor. 

Ed still argued, mumbling protest while Roy slowly picked him up and stood up with a groaning Ed in his arms. The kids head was resting on Roy's shoulder, while he tried to quiet his own grunting. 

"Why does it always end with me being miserable?" Ed asked as Roy walked him back to his room, the crutch forgotten on the staircase. 

Roy wanted to answer, Because you always make stupid decisions! Instead he said, "It will pass." 

He walked into Ed and Al's room, slowly setting Ed down on his bed again. 

"Al will hate me forever," Ed said as he lay leaned against his headboard, blond hair hiding his face and Roy gave him another sympathetic look. 

"Al could never hate you!" Roy argued, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Ed slowly looked up to him through the strands of hair, his golden eyes looked like the ones of a thirteen year old right now. 

"You don't know what I said to him," Ed stated, he sounded too damn broken and flinched as he moved around.

"You called me nasty things too and I don't hate you," Roy stated gently but Ed only avoided his eyes.  It had been probably the wrong thing to say and Roy scolded himself, thinking on how to save the situation while Ed looked like a kicked puppy.

"..o..ry," Ed mumbled then and Roy stared at the kid surprised. 

"What did you just say?" he asked dumbstruck. 

"I said I'm sorry. You're not a fuck face father and I don't hate you," Ed mumbled, playing with his fingers in his lap and moved around in his bed as Roy's expression turned soft. He gently stroke over Ed's leg that was already under the blanket. Apologies from Ed were rare, so he would take everyone he could get.

"Thank you for saying that," Roy said softly but Ed still looked like a kicked puppy.

"I understand if you want to get rid of me, Al hates me never the less, you probably hate me too, I don't mind leaving," Ed's words shot through Roy like gunfire, shattering his already fragile heart when it came to the boys. 

Sudden mod swings weren't new with the kids, the years they had spend with their father after their mother had been ripped from them by that plague had been traumatic for both of them. But never did one of them ever had said something like this. 

"Ed, we never want to get rid of you!" Roy said shocked, "Why would you even think that! No one hates you!" he tried to put as much conviction as possible in his words.   

"Well, I always-" 

"Yeah you lash out and act like an idiot but-" 

"Actually I wanted to say I always say things without thinking, but I guess I also acted very idiotic," Ed looked down on his hands yet again but Roy wasn't having it.

"Let me rephrase that," he said quickly, gently stroking back strains of hair behind Ed's ear until he could see Ed's eyes again. He waited until the kid met his look so his message would get through his stubborn skull. "You acted careless. You put yourself in danger. We're all just worried Ed! We don't want to see you in pain!" 

"Why though?" Ed asked with a huff and Roy chuckled, this kid was truly an idiot sometimes. 

"Because we're family kiddo!"

Chapter Text

"This is so unnecessary!" Ed grumbled while fighting with the seatbelt, hissing in pain as he turned his chest the wrong way and his rips complained loudly. 

"I'm not risking anything kid," Roy explained and Ed sighed annoyed. 

"I don't understand why we have to go to the fucking hospital? Why can't that old fuck just come to us?" he asked again and now Roy was the one who sighed because they already had this conversation multiple times since Roy had explained that he wanted to take Ed to the hospital for a check up. 

"Because the old fuck is not on house call today and I won't wait," Roy explained with the patience of a Saint and Ed finally gave up and settled into the passenger seat while Roy put the damn wheelchair in the trunk. 

He had asked Roy for his prosthesis but of course the fucker had gently explained that he believed Ed's body needed his energy for healing right now. 

"Did you talked to Al?" Ed asked quietly as Roy got in the drivers seat. 

It took the man a moment to respond, before he carefully said, "Yes, I did."

"Why won't he talk to me?" Ed asked, playing with the strings of the red hoodie he was wearing and not meeting Roy's eyes who he knew were looking over to him. He could feel those dark eyes on him every damn time. 

"He will talk to you, he just asked for a little bit of time," Roy explained gentle.

Their argument of last night played on loop in Ed's head and if Al would just fucking talk to him for a moment he could tell him that it was completely stupid to have a fight about it! 

Because he of course didn't mean what he said! He of course respected Al's struggle and trauma! He knew Al carried guilt around with himself since that day, because the stupid idiot thought it was his fault that their biological maker was a lunatic! 

He knew about the guilt and he tried to convince Al for years to leave it behind and when he thought his little brother made progress he crushed all that hard work with one fucking comment. 

Because hurting people and pushing them away way was always easier than accepting help or confronting the past, just had it never been Al before he had hurt and pushed away. 

He was a hothead.  Al knew that. Ed had said a lot of fucked up shit over the years they've been with Roy and Riza and Al had never run from him. Had never been such an asshole to go somewhere Ed couldn't follow! 

"Ed you're with me?" Roy pulled him out of it and Ed met his eyes, nodding stiffly and Roy gave him a soft head pat, finger's softly gliding through his hair he wore open for once. He didn't had the nerve for a ponytail with one hand and Roy was useless on that matter. 

And Riza... Riza was hiding upstairs with Al playing coping mechanisms or some shit. They did something he wasn't able to join and it pissed him off to no end. 

So he wore his hair open and didn't told Roy to fuck off.

"You did what?" Doctor Marco called out furious as Roy explained the reason behind Ed's bruises, "You fell down the stairs while currently not wearing your prosthesis because of overstrained nerves and muscles?" 

He had been Doctor Marco's patient since Roy had found them, he had supervised the automail surgery and lead his rehab. So Ed did feel a sting as he was levelled with his disapproving look. 

"What were you even doing on the stairs?" Marco called out disbelieving. 

"Well I didn't broke anything," Ed argued weakly as Marco made him lay down on the stretcher and he hissed at the movement. The leather was cold on his bare skin and the bruises that littered his chest, stomach and back were painting his body in various colours. 

"To your damn luck Ed!" Marco scolded and checked over his rips again, making sure nothing was broken. Ed stared up to the ceiling, letting him press and prod away at him while flinching whenever he found a sore spot. 

His fingers now on Ed's shoulder port, Marco looked over to Roy, "How could this even happen?" 

Now Roy was the one squirming under the doctor's eyes. "Well, we had a bit of a ... crisis," the man that had fought and commanded in fucking war, sounded like a school boy that lied about homework. 

Doctor Marco took Roy's cryptic words in while grunting something under his breath. He helped Ed to sit up again and inspected the shoulder port further from the back, propping around where metal met skin. With practiced finger's he pressed around the muscles and nerves on his back and neck and Ed hissed in pain as he found a particular painful spot. 

Next he wanted to check his leg port and reluctantly Ed let him. 

Normally only sitting in shorts in front of a man that kept touching his body, would make Ed go riot. Marco was fine though. Marco was one of three people were it was fine.

Marco quickly found the strained muscles and nerves there too, making Ed squirm while he pressed around more gently than he had on his shoulder mumbling a sorry whenever he made Ed hiss in pain. 

Roy was watching the whole thing with critic eyes and crossed arms. 

Finally Marco sat down on the little chair with wheels. Roy walked over to Ed then and helped him put his sweatshirt back on while Marco gave both of them a harsh look before he started speaking, "So from the fall you luckily," he emphasised the last word and made a pause, giving them a glare before continuing, "only got a few nasty bruises, particular on your rips and chest but you probably already felt that. With icing the bruises over short periods of time over the day, some numbing cream when it gets too bad it should clear in a few weeks."

Roy loudly breathed out relieved and Ed only rolled his eyes at that. For this they hadn't needed to drive to the fucking hospital! 

"Although," Doctor Marco continued and a cold, sinking feeling spread into Ed's stomach, "Edward, do you want to tell me something?" Marco asked and Ed's breathing picked up. When the doctor pulled out his full name he knew he was in deep shit. 

It wasn't that Doctor Marco was a cruel man, Ed even liked him a bit since he had known him for years, watching how he had worked tirelessly to make his little brother and himself healthy again. 

But since the man had been their doctor for over three years now, watching their entire process, Marco was very ...determined that both of them were fine. 

"Um- I don't know- what you think ... uhh-" Ed stuttered and he felt Roy's eyes heavy on him. 

"Edward, what did you do?" Roy asked with that dad voice of his, the one he had used when he had found Ed's weed a few months ago. 

"I didn't do anything-" Ed tried but Marco wasn't having it. He set down his glasses on the table, took a deep breath and pulled on his serious face and Ed swallowed down the knot in his throat, nearly choking while doing so. 

"The overstraining on your shoulder and leg aren't just from overuse of the prosthesis, well, they are but using them normally like you did the last year, it shouldn't be this severe," Marco explained and Ed's shoulder's tensed visibly, his throat dry as the dessert. Over the whole drama with Al he had totally forgotten why this whole shit show had even started. 

"Ed? What happened?" Roy asked again, stepping forwards now from the corner where he was standing at and gave Ed a hard stare. 

Deep down Ed knew he was only worried but he couldn't shake the feeling of Roy hating him for what he did. 

"I didn't do anything!" Ed stated stubbornly, the familiar rage started to bundle up in his stomach and grew the more they pushed. 

"When even the doctor-" Roy started, his voice getting louder but Marco silenced him with a calming gesture and a hard look. 

"There is just so much I can conclude from the state of your body, but to handle this the right way and prevent any further damage you really need to tell me what you did," Marco explained, his eyes serious but his tone was gentle again and Ed sighed annoyed and looked up to the ceiling. 

"I didn't fucking do anything," he pressed out, trying to get his rage under control.*They are only trying to help you, you moron! Let them!* 

Great, now Roy and Riza had gotten into his head with their fucking mantras!

"Edward, you have to be honest with me now," Marco sounded serious and the storm in his chest died down a little bit. Was is really this serious? 

"I just-" Ed stuttered, slightly filled with panic by how Marco was looking at him. It was close to how he was looking when he told him that Alphonse had been put on a feeding tube because he refused to eat on his own. 

Ed looked down on his hand, nestling with the hem of his hoodie. 

"I just ... " he looked up towards the two adults who waited patiently for his answer, "played some baseball with- with some kids from school," he finally pressed out. 

Ed casted his eyes down, not wanting to see the disappointment or anger in the two mens faces. His hand was pressed into a fist. 

"Are you fucking seri-" 

"Roy!" Marco interrupted the colonel with a harsh tone and Roy stopped talking immediately. 

"Ed?" Marco asked, his voice as gentle as before but Ed was still staring down on his lap. He was in deep shit and he wanted out. He wanted to leave, to leave this hospital room behind, this battered body, this damn problems that were far too fucking heavy to handle all at once. 

"Edward, we're not mad," Marco voice sounded like a thousand miles away. 

"You're not in trouble," the words were washing together and his eyes became unfocused. 

"Edw.... this is only .... and Roy ........ probab........ ju..... in thi........." words were swallowed by the static in his brain while he cared too less to acknowledge what he was doing. Because he knew. He knew this was a shitty coping mechanism, unsafe would his stupid therapist probably call it. 

Ed didn't care. This was too much. He only wanted to be normal, he wanted for Al to be free of these problems that no child should have. He was tired of watching other people grow up and grow older while he was stuck, forced to do everything on a much slower pace. He felt like getting left behind. Everyone was running ahead and he was still struggling to stand. 

Bitterness and rage over the men who was at fault for the struggle of the last three years settled deep down in his stomach, like it so often did. 

Deeper and deeper did Ed drove into the spiral of negativity that swirled his mind into chaos, making rational thinking harder and harder. 

Only emotions he so often bottled up deep down and ignored rose up because of course they did. 

Anger about the unfairness of it all. 

Sadness about all the time his little brother and he had lost. 

Frustration about how they wouldn't give him his prosthesis back now.

Shame about how childish and stupid he had behaved. 

Embarrassment whenever he needed to ask for help for the simplest tasks. 

Anxiety about Roy and Riza eventually growing tired of him. Of him and his destructive behaviour, his anger issues and stubbornness. Eventually they would grow tired of his smart mouth, like his bastard of a father did. If he had maybe been a better son, a better help, maybe him and Al would have been enough. Maybe Hohenheim would have never searched out bringing their mother back. 

When he just had acted more-

Ed hadn't realised that he had started crying, there were no sobs shaking him but he felt how a gentle finger wiped his cheek dry. It had been wet with tears. 

There was a hand in his hair on the back of head, holding him while his face was pressed against something sturdy and he recognised the smell of Roy. His remaining hand was clutched into the jacket of the man, clutching it like a life line. 

"I'm sorry-" he choked out, his voice far too broken for his liking. "I'm sorry, I'll be better, I'll try-" 

"Hush kid, none of that now. It's alright, we're not mad!"  Roy's voice was steady and calm while he softly stroke his fingers through Ed's strains of hair in a calming motion. 

"Hey there Ed, you're with us again?" Doctor Marco asked now just as gentle as Roy had spoken and Ed finally made his body move, look around himself. 

He was still in the hospital room, sitting on the stretcher, Roy right next to him, pressed into his chest and clutched his jacket like a fucking baby. How much time had past? How long had he been crying into Roy like a fucking child? 

He remember that Marco had asked him a question and slightly leaned away from Roy, he sniffed his nose and rubbed his cheek again with his sleeve, letting go of Roy's jacket reluctantly. 

"Want to tell us what happened there?" Marco asked while Roy's hand wandered out of his hair and on his back, giving steady support. He wanted to tell him to fuck off, tell him that he didn't need this codling, ignoring how much calmness it brought him to have the man near him. 

It scared him. It was scary how much power Roy had over him. Scary how easy it was for Ed now to let himself be comforted by the man. Scary of how hard it would be when Roy would finally drop him and the comfort he provided was lost again. 

"I-" Ed tried gathering his thoughts, trying to pin down where he had lost himself. "I don't know," he stated at a loss of explanation what just happened. He still felt like crying. He wanted to push Roy away and he wanted to crawl into his chest and hide behind his heart. 

"That's alright, feelings can be complicated," Marco said with a gentle smile and Ed averted his eyes again. He was not a chil- You're allowed to be a child Ed! Fucking damn it! 

He let Roy play with his hair - the long strains that fell past his shoulders to the middle of his back - let him stay close sitting on the stretcher right next to him, let himself have the security the adult next to him managed to give him. Just for now, Ed told himself. Just this moment, this second, he ignored that he knew he was lying to himself. 

"I would love to just send you home immediately but I unfortunately have to know how much sport you played, to correctly understand the damage," Marco continued slowly, not making any harsh movements but Ed flinched never the less. 

"Please don't take my limbs away again," he whispered and he felt how Roy next to him tensed. 

"Ed, I'm so sorry, I- I didn't know what else-" Roy stuttered, voice low and shoulders tense but Marco took the reign of conversation and cut Roy off gently.

"Ed, there is nothing I despise more than taking your mobility away, you know that right?" Marco sounded urgent now and Ed looked up to him again. Ed knew this, he trusted Marco, so he nodded.

"Alright, but I don't want that your nerves and muscles are damaged from the overuse, because then you would be unable to use automail at all in the future. Do you understand that's why sometimes we have to do this, to safe you from your own stubbornness? That's that the reason this slow recovery is so important? It's why you can only do those sports again when there is no more danger of you're body getting irreplaceable damaged, because you didn't get yourself to this point to lose all you fought for, right?" Marco paused, giving Ed another one of his soft looks. Waiting till the meaning of the words made it through Ed's thick skull and he nodded hesitatly. He knew all of this, his rational-logical-scientific-thinking brain could understand all of this quite easily.

Though sometimes these parts of his brain shut off and he did stupid things because- he didn't really want to think about why he did those things. He knew. Deep down he had analysed himself often enough, always ending with a conclusion he did not liked at all.

His eyes flicked to Roy for a moment, who must have given him some nonverbal sign because Marco came back to Ed, hauling himself out of his head yet again as he said, "Alright, can you just give me a few very short answers to these questions?" 

Ed nodded. He could do that. 

"Alright, how long did you played with the other kids?" 

"Around two hours."

"Just Baseball?"

"Yes."

"Were you running or pitching?" 

"Pitching."

"Did you leg or arm hurt afterwards?" 

Ed stayed silent. This question was far too unspecific to be answer in one word but Roy seemed to understand because he jumped in, "Did it hurt directly afterwards? Or only a few hours later?"

"Later." 

Marco nodded thankfully to Roy and made some notes on a scrap of paper. 

"Okay good," he stared down on said paper for a few more moments, debating with himself and sighed as he seemed to come to a decision. 

"Alright, I have a deal for you Ed, but this time I need you to listen okay?"

Ed nodded again, sniffing his nose and tensing his shoulders. Roy next to him was just as still as he was. He hadn't noticed when his hand had started clutching Roy's jacket again but he was too tired to care. 

"The nerves and muscles on your shoulder are far more irritated and pulled than the ones in your leg. From a medical perspective I would suggest to let both of your ports rest for a few days but-" he cut himself off, blinking and debating with himself for a second and Ed shielded himself for the worst. 

"As your doctor, including your mental well being, I'm suggesting that only keeping your arm off for the next week would be enough, when-" Ed's eyes started to perk up. 

"Ed listen! When you're being careful and not overdue it okay?" Marco insisted and Ed started nodding along, promising how much he would listen this time. 

As Roy pushed him out of the hospital Ed could breath again. Doctor Marco made him promise a whole list of things to take care of himself and to take care of his leg the next week before they would come back and Marco would give Ed green lights for his arm prosthetic. 

Ed rambled on about something as they make their way towards the car and Roy hummed and asked questions when Ed was letting him get between his rambling. He really just didn't want to talk about anything that happened in there and Roy let him. 

During the drive Roy's eyes were casted firmly on the street, both hands on the steering wheel and Ed watched his grip tightened slightly the nearer they got towards home. 

"Ed?" Roy asked as he ended his monologue about something he didn't even remembered. 

"Mh?" Ed answered, looking out the window and knowing that this tone was reserved for difficult shit. Didn't he had enough difficult shit for one day? 

"I'm sorry if I crossed a boundary back there when I touched you when you were ... spacing out," Roy paraphrased his dissociating incident.  Ed only stared at Roy confused now, not saying a word. 

"I know you don't like touch without consenting to it, but you weren't reacting to us and I just wanted to-" 

"Shut up," Ed interrupted Roy with an unbelieving tone. Roy moved around uncomfortably in his seat before his eyes flickered over to Ed. 

"It's- it's fine. I..." Ed took a deep breath. This shouldn't be this hard! He was living with Roy for three fucking years now and Roy had been there from the start. Never the less did the words took great effort. "I trust you," he mumbled, not enjoying the vulnerability he showed with it. 

The smile that spread over Roy's face was disgustingly soft and Ed needed to look away immediately, shaking his head about how fucking sentimental the bastard could be. 

"Thank you, I know that is very hard for you," 

"Whatever." Roy didn't stop smiling at Ed's dismissive words and the silence was light and comfortable the rest of the drive. 

When the house came into view Ed's anxiety peaked. 

He searched for Riza's car but didn't found it anywhere. 

"Riza texted me they took Hayate to the dog park half an hour ago," Roy explained, because of course that bastard had seen Ed's searching look. 

A mix of jealousy, anxiety, anger and frustration rose up into his chest, like always when Roy and Riza carefully pulled Ed and Al away from each other. He knew why he felt that way, their codependency was one fo his therapists favourites topics to make Ed talk about it. 

"Did they told you when they are gonna be back?" Ed pressed out through gritted teeth as Roy parked the car in the drive way. 

"Not excatly but I would guess something between two to three hours," Roy explained, giving Ed a side eye that Ed ignored and the man got out of the car to get his wheelchair from the trunk. 

Ed was buzzing with energy, too excited to finally get some of his mobility back. Even when his nerves were fried and the emotional exhausting hospital visit had drained him, his remaining leg was bouncing up and down for the entire car ride. 

"Hurry up!" he urged Roy to move faster as pushed Ed through the door. 

"Alright, give me a sec I'll go get your leg," Roy said with a chuckle. 

"You know normal people would be pretty weirded out by that sentence," Ed stated dryly watching Roy leaving up the stairs and chuckle at Ed's comment. 

Roy glanced up from his paperwork over to Ed who was sprawled over the couch in his office. He was no longer napping but completely absorbed into one of Roy's old chemist books from University.  

First he had wanted to wait for Al down in the living room, his eyes glued to the window and watching the street for incoming cars. The bags under his eyes were dark and every movement of his body screamed of rest but Ed refused to relax when Al wasn't by his side. 

Roy had tried a few more times to get Ed away from the window and stop his obsessive hovering but the kid had shut him down.

"Alright," Roy had said in defeat and moved towards the stairs to get to his office, he had a mountain of paper work to catch up to.

"Where are you going?" Ed suddenly had asked as Roy had been already half way out the room. 

"My office?" his tone had been unsure, the sudden panic in Ed's eyes had been very uncharacteristic while he had kept staring at Roy, not saying anything. 

"You want to come? I have to finish up that paper work," Roy had suggested and watched as Ed had been looking from him to the street and back and Roy suddenly understood. 

Ed was scared of being alone. It was more than understandable and Roy's eyes became soft immediately. He knew the kid had to learn it eventually but maybe it didn't had to be today.  

"You can watch the street from my couch," Roy had suggested gently, had tried to not make his realisation too obvious. Even when Ed had a probably higher IQ an Roy himself, on an emotionally level Ed was deeply underdeveloped. 

Eventually Ed had followed Roy upstairs, had even accepted Roy's help up the stairs. He had slumped down on the couch while Roy had gotten him some ice packs for his bruises and not even five minutes later the kid had been fast asleep. 

He had already read through the first chapters of the chemistry book and was nearing towards the middle and Roy sometimes suspected that Ed's reading speed must be incredible. 

Over the years Roy and Riza had heard from Ed's teacher's a lot of times that Ed had a hard time sitting still in class, that he wasn't listening and couldn't concentrate for a longer period of time. 

Especially Roy could never believe them for the simple reason that he saw every day that Ed could sit still for hours, he worked himself through Roy's old university books just out of curiosity. Especially chemistry Ed had found interest in and could read and explain complex topics for hours. 

It hadn't taken long for them to notice that Alphonse and Edward were a lot smarter than the average ten year olds. Back then both of them hadn't talked very much. 

Now three years later Roy loved listening to Ed's monologues of pure intelligence. His train of thoughts stirred towards a topic he wanted to talk about with Ed for a while but hadn't found any good opportunity for it. 

"Ed?" Roy asked, laying down his pencil and looking over to his kid who didn't even looked up to him and only kept reading. Ed gave him a mumbled response. 

"How is school going right now?" Roy eased into the topic and Ed looked up to him, a suspicious look in his eyes 

"Fine?" it was more a question than an answer. 

"Do you enjoy what you are learning there?" Roy asked and Ed stared at him for a moment. 

"I'm not learning anything at school," his statement was so dry and emotionless that Roy didn't know what to say for a moment. 

"What?" 

Ed snorted, a small smile pulling on his lips as he answered, "I'm not learning anything at school Roy. I already know what they're trying to teach me." 

Roy kept staring at him, he should have waited for Riza with this conversation. He didn't know what to say to that at all. 

"Your grades say something different," Roy stated just as dry as Ed had and a sting of anger shot through Ed's eyes as he slammed the book shut. 

"Well, they would look different if I gave a fuck!" 

"So why don't you?" Roy asked, confused by Ed's mind and now the kid was staying silent and looking stubbornly out the window. 

The wheels in Roy's mind were turning at full speed as he tried to dissect the situation. 

"Why would you get bad grades on purpose when you could easily- oh," it fell like shells from Roy's eyes. "Are you getting bad grades for the only sake of not changing schools and staying with-" 

"Why do you always have to track everything back to Al?" Ed snapped angry, interrupting Roy's enlightenment and from the fierce reaction Ed showed Roy knew he must have hit the nail on the head. 

"Do you have another explanation for me?" he asked and Ed pushed the thick book from his lap and onto the couch next to him, staying silent. 

"Ed-" 

"I don't want to talk about it!" the kid snapped and Roy watched him for a moment. 

Slow and steady - because in discussions and arguments Ed always became flighty and anxious by quick movement - Roy stood up and headed over to him. Ed had his automail leg stretched out on the sofa, his remaining hand was playing with strains of his hair that had fallen into his face. 

"Can I?" Roy asked with a gesture to were Ed's leg was occupying the sofa and after a moment he nodded. Roy carefully lifted Ed's leg, sat down and settled the leg back in his lap. He always forgot just how heavy the automail was. 

Roy knew Ed couldn't feel anything on the metal leg but Roy nevertheless settled a hand on Ed's shin gently before he started to speak. 

"You have an extraordinary mind Edward," Roy paused, Ed's hand had stilled playing with the hair, "and you deserve to get the support and the environment to use it to your full potential." 

"I can't-" 

"I won't push you Ed. Not on this. But I want you to know that anytime you're ready, I'm here to help." Roy interrupted him. Ed didn't need any more pressure, every important adult in Ed's life agreed on that and even if they tried making the brothers start to live their separate independent lives, pressure what not the way to accomplish that. 

"Are you serious?" Ed asked after a while, finally looking up to Roy who was still gently holding his leg in his lap. 

"Yes. A hundred percent." 

"Alright. I- I will think about it." 

"That's all I ask for." 

Roy gave him a soft smile, but Ed opened and closed his mouth, swallowing the words and needed a few more moments before he had the courage to speak them. 

"If I'm so smart, how come I don't know what to say to Alphonse?" he whispered, his eyes wandering back to his hand again and Roy's heart nearly broke again at the hopeless tone of Ed's voice. 

"Are you sorry for what you said?" Roy asked gently, recognising the circle of conversation but not being tired of talking through this again when it would make Ed someday believe his words. 

"Of course. But- but what if he still hates me?" Ed spiraled again and Roy's grip on his leg became a bit tighter. 

"Al doesn't hate you. I don't hate you. Riza doesn't hate you. Nobody does and nobody of us ever will. If you're sorry, Al will forgive you in a heartbeat, you know he is too kind," Roy said with a grin on his face and Ed chuckled. 

"Yeah, he really is." Silence fell over them and Roy felt like there was still something else on Ed's mind he wanted to talk about. So he waited.

"Al wanted to talk about that day," Ed whispered after a while and Roy's shoulder's tensed. He searched Ed's face carefully for any trigger's but his look only seemed a bit heavy as he stared out of the window again. 

Roy waited where Ed wanted to take this. From Ed and Al personally he had only heard pieces of what happened before Roy and Riza had found him. The crime scene and the police report had filled in all the blanks. 

"I- I can't even ... talk to my fucking therapist about it! ... how am I supposed to talk about it with my little brother?" Ed pressed out through gritted teeth and Roy was taken back by the display of emotions. 

"I don't think Al could be mad because you still need some time to heal," Roy settled on and Ed's shoulders sacked together, as if the life had been sucked out of him in one second. 

"I'm tired of this healing bullshit. It's exhausting." Now Roy couldn't stop himself from scooting closer to Ed, slow and checking if he triggered Ed by doing so.

As he met the kid's eyes they were far too heavy for thirteen year old. Carefully Roy changed his position, moved Ed's limbs out of the way until he could pull him up into his arms, tight against his chest. The kid let himself be pulled and hid his face into Roy's shirt. Roy softly pressed a kiss on top of the messy hair, rubbing slow circles onto Ed's back.

"Healing being exhausting means you're doing it right," he whispered into Ed's hair. 

"Sometimes I wonder of you were a therapist in your past life," Ed grumbled but rubbed his nose with his sleeve and Roy chuckled. 

"No, I just had my own share of therapy." 

They sat like that for a while and Roy had held Ed, not too tight to hurt his bruises but tight enough to let him know he wasn't alone. 

A car door was thrown shut and it ripped Ed out of his slumber and Roy seemed to get the message without him needing to say it. With another soft kiss to the top of his head Roy untangled himself from Ed and moved back to the other side of the sofa. 

Ed sat himself up, swiped the hair from his face and rubbed it hard with his remaining hand. He was already sick of not having two functioning hands but he could understand why it was necessary. He could still hate it though. 

The front door was being opened as Ed pushed himself up from the sofa. His circulation didn't like that very much but Roy was there in a second to prevent him from blacking out. 

"Could you-" Ed asked Roy gesturing for the door after he wasn't seeing black dots anymore and they started moving without another word. 

His leg port was still sore and it arched while walking but Ed needed to see and talk to Al, so with Roy's help he made his way downstairs and met the others in the hall. 

Still halfway on the stairs, Ed met Al and Riza's looks. They both eyed his empty sleeve were his arm was missing and Ed chuckled uncomfortably. 

"Yeah, only half-way back to normal for now," he joked and a soft smile was on Riza's face as he made the last steps down from the stairs with Roy's help.  

"How are you feeling Ed? What did Doctor Marco say?" she asked while Al was busying himself with hanging up his coat. 

"Still a bit bruised up but nothing serious. Marco said I could have my arm back in a week or so and there should be no long-term problems when I take it easy," he explained, rambling off the facts was way easier than confronting his brother who was still avoiding him. 

"That's good to hear!" Riza said, coming over to Roy's side and greeting him with a kiss. Roy kissed her back and reached for the crutch leaning against the wardrobe, pressing it into Ed's hand before he let go of him. 

"Take Doctor Marco's warnings serious this time," he said, all the softness and gentleness from earlier roughened up now and Ed thanked him for it internally. 

With a groan he took the crutch to take pressure of his automail and looked around for Al but his brother had already vanished without Ed noticing. 

"I think he went in direction of the kitchen," Riza had seen his searching look and Ed gave her a thankful nod. Slowly he made his way over, poking his head through the door and saw Al standing in front of the opened fridge door, staring into it without moving. 

"Al?" Ed asked carefully, slowly closing the kitchen door behind him, letting Riza and Roy know he wanted to do this alone. "Can we talk?" he asked and Al closed the fridge door slowly, without taking anything out. 

"I'm listing." 

"I'm- I wanted to apologise... for what I said. I didn't mean any of it, I just snapped and ... I-" Ed stuttered. He had thought so many times about how he would say this but the sentences he had constructed crumpled instantly as his brother's eyes met his. 

"Why won't you talk to me about the day?" Al asked into Ed's silence. His tone wasn't accusing or annoyed, his eyes were just as heavy as his own probably and right now Ed just wanted to curl up on the sofa and stop thinking. 

But he couldn't do that. He needed to fix this. 

"I ... can't," Ed pressed out. 

"Why-" 

"I can't even talk to our therapist about it Al! Whenever I try- whenever I speak those words I- I feel like Hohenheimer is sawing my limps off again!" the words hurt, the expression on Alphonse's face hurt but Ed pushed himself to keep talking, cramping his hand around the handle of the crutch. 

"When I try to- to think and recall that day I can only think of that horrible moment were I thought you were dead!" he choked back the tears, he didn't want to cry right now! Pictures flooded his brain without backhold - of that day Roy had saved them from that hell and he had only caught a glimpse of Al being rolled out on a stretcher, looking like a lifeless body. 

"Oh Ed- I didn't-" Al started, his eyes looked dangerously teary too. 

"I can't talk about this! I'm not- not fucking ready and I'm sorry and it's okay if you hate me-" 

"No, Ed don't be sorry for that! I could never hate you! Don't you ever dare think that again!" Al's eyes snapped towards Ed's crutch and he hadn't noticed that his arm had started shaking. He couldn't hold himself up much longer. 

"You don't?" Ed's voice was too small for his own liking but he needed to know. 

"What? Hate you?" Al asked confused and Ed could only nod. "I don't know how you could possible think I could hate you Ed!" now Al sounded a bit pissed as he came closer, took the crutch from his hand and pulled his arm over his shoulder. 

"You need to sit down before you get yourself even more bruises," Al pulled Ed out of the kitchen and into the living room to the sofa. 

Ed sat down with a groan and Al didn't miss a beat to curl up right to his side and pulled a blanket over both of them. 

"I don't hate you. Even if you're probably more stubborn than Dad, louder than him too and you always say stupid things when you're angry but I will never hate you Ed!" Al whispered, his back pressed into Ed's chest. 

"I'm certainly not more stubborn than Dad!" Ed grumbled, because dealing with emotions was tiring. 

Suddenly Al was pushing himself up and out of Ed's hug and stared down on him with glinting eyes, asking, "Did you just called Roy Dad?" 

Ed's ears went hot immediately and he started sweating from embarrassment. 

"I- I didn't- you call him Dad all the time!" Ed stated angry and Al's grin grew even wider. 

"Yeah, but you never do! Did you two bonded too much? Did you finally grow attached?" Al teased and Ed smacked a pillow into his face. 

"Shut the fuck up!" 

"Oh wait when I tell him! I bet his eyes get all teary just like when you hug him sometimes!" Al laughed loudly now and Ed wanted to strangle him. 

"If you tell him I tell Riza you're actually a cat person!" Ed dared. 

"Oh that's too cruel Ed. Even for you! It will break her heart!" Al wined and Ed took a deep break, leaning back.

"Yeah and if you tell Roy about the Dad thing you will literally break his heart. Break it, in like giving him a heart attack!" 

Al gave him an unimpressed look but settled back down. 

"You will eventually call him Dad," Al stated with a grumpy tone and Ed only huffed.

Roy.

Dad.

It had been a long time since Ed allowed himself to call someone Dad.