Chapter Text
The first time Cal Kestis met Bode Akuna, he was pretty sure he’d immediately made a fool of himself.
It was no secret to his crew–both his original family on the Mantis, and this new one made up of Saw Garrera’s operatives–that one of Cal’s weaknesses was (very embarrassingly), handsome men. Gabs was the first to notice, after one of Garrera’s men had flashed a smile and winked at the Jedi, thanking him for something or another. Cal had gone rigid, his face almost as red as his hair, and he stumbled over his words in response. Gabs wasn’t about to let that go any time soon, and thanks to her, everyone else on the crew also knew.
Cal just couldn’t help himself. He was taller than most people, and always put up shields to protect himself and his allies from whatever threat they were facing. Cal was used to protecting, used to his allies making the most of his Force abilities. The thought of someone, taller and stronger than him, looming over him and taking over, taking control, taking care of Cal?
Maybe in some other life Cal would stop to unpack what any of it meant, but as things were, Cal figured a little fantasy wouldn’t hurt anyone. The problem was when he locked up entirely and forgot how to speak at all.
Like he had done when Bravo had introduced him to their newest addition, needing all the help they could get for the upcoming mission to Coruscant.
When Bode walked into the room, the first thing Cal noticed was how tall he was. Taller than Cal, with broad shoulders, strong arms, gorgeous eyes–
“Cal, this is Bode Akuna,” Bravo said. “Bode, this is Cal Kestis.”
“I’ve heard a lot about you,” Bode said, and oh, his voice was smooth and rough all at the same time. Bode offered his hand to Cal. “It’s an honour to finally meet you.”
Cal tried to respond, but couldn’t find his voice. He shut his mouth to stop looking like a dying fish, clenching his jaw and biting the inside of his cheek. He just nodded in response, shaking Bode’s hand stiffly. BD-1 beeped next to Cal’s ear from his perch on the Scrapper’s shoulder.
“This is BD-1,” Cal managed to finally find his voice. He winced internally at the sound of his own voice, forced and flat. Bravo had a brow raised and a small, knowing smile playing at the corner of his mouth. Cal felt his face go hot as he flushed even more.
If Bode noticed anything strange about the way Cal greeted him, he didn’t say anything. Mercifully, the rest of the crew arrived and the topic changed to going over the plan. The mission Cal could focus on–he could tamp down every other thought and annoying emotions to focus on the holomap in front of him.
And if his eyes kept flickering over to scan Bode’s profile, well, no-one else needed to know.
*
The mission on Coruscant went more or less to plan–the yacht crashing into the dock was not a part of the original idea, but Cal was good at improvising.
Cal wondered just how many Troopers the Empire actually had, because it felt like they were all on Coruscant right now. He cut them down easily, moving swiftly through the lower level of the city, but there were even more around every corner. Cal just had to keep moving, had to reach the yacht and his crew and they could continue with the next phase.
Cal was broken from his thoughts when a blast bolt hit, barely missing his hand where he held on to a metal grating. He’d been climbing up the grate like a ladder, but hadn’t noticed the Stormtrooper immediately above him.
“Got you, traitor.”
The CSF Captain that had dragged Cal in front of the Senator appeared behind the Stormtrooper, catching Cal’s attention. The Stormtrooper lined up his shot, the blaster barrel aimed directly at Cal’s head. From this range, the Trooper wasn’t likely to miss.
Except, it wasn’t the Stormtrooper’s blaster that was shot. The Trooper fell limp as the CSF Captain holstered his own blaster and pushed the Trooper over the side of the platform. Cal leaned in closer to the wall to avoid the body as it fell.
Bode pulled his helmet off and leaned down, offering his hand to Cal. “What took you so long?”
“Oh, you know,” Cal took Bode’s hand and was pulled up easily, like he weighed nothing to the other man. “Just hanging out. Taking in the sights, been a while since I was on Coruscant,” Cal joked, hoping it covered the tension in his voice.
Bode chuckled, and Cal had to look away from his beautiful smile. Now was not the time for this.
“Thanks, Bode,” Cal said as he continued on, always moving forward.
“Part of the job, Kestis.”
Bode fell in stride with Cal, the two making their way through the blessedly empty platforms. “When I saw the dock collapse, I thought this heist might be over real quick,” Bode said after a moment.
“Why make it easy for them?” Cal responded, and Bode laughed again. That laugh was going to be the death of Cal, he thought to himself, his heartbeat so loud in his ears he was surprised Bode couldn’t hear it. BD trilled next to his ear.
“Where’s the crew?” Cal asked, realising Bode had been on his own.
“Heading to the yacht,” Bode responded. “We’ll meet them there. Oh–and Bravo said no comms.”
“No comms it is, Bravo knows best,” Cal smiled to himself. Talking about the rest of the crew helped Cal pull his thoughts together, and away from Bode, Bode, Bode. “Koob and Lizz are probably starving by now.”
“Hungry Klatoonians,” Bode said with a small grimace. “We don’t want that.”
“Remind me to tell you about the Carida job sometime,” Cal chuckled.
The two continued on through Coruscant, following the holomap BD provided. Bode helped Cal across distances too far to jump, and if Cal showed off just a little as he jumped, flipped, and climbed, well, no-one else needed to know.
(BD-1 definitely noticed.)
Cal tried to ignore how well he and Bode fought together when they came across a Stormtrooper patrol. They were so in sync, like they’d been doing this for years. They didn’t need to use words, knowing exactly what the next step needed to be, and they cut down the Troopers in record time.
Everything was going smoothly, until the Imperial Security droid reappeared. It grabbed Cal and flung him over the side of a ledge, the Jedi unable to gain any kind of balance or traction before he was falling. Cal landed on his back hard, but he heard the unmistakable thud of the droid landing nearby.
Cal jumped to his feet and ignited his lightsaber at the exact moment Bode came flying in, his foot connecting with the side of the droid’s head as he fired from both blasters. With the droid distracted, Cal took the change to slice the damn thing in half with his saber.
“That guy really didn’t like you,” Bode said, re-holstering his blasters as he landed.
“Don’t think he was a fan of you either,” Cal said, breathless from the pain in his ribs. It would subside in a moment.
Cal took a look around to figure out where the droid had tossed him. The walls were high, and Cal couldn’t see a way he could climb out of it. Maybe Bode could pick him up and use his jetpack to fly them both out–
“I don’t see a way up for you,” Bode’s voice cut through Cal’s thoughts.
The Scrapper shook his head to rid himself of the mental image he’d created. BD-1 trilled loudly from a corner, near a pile of cables and wires. Cal walked over to see the droid shining a light on an ascension cable.
Cal picked up the tool, looking it over. It was a little beaten up, but he was sure it would be a quick repair. Wherever they had fallen appeared to be an old work station of some kind, as Cal noticed a work table nearby.
“Think you can fix that?” Bode asked, seeing what Cal was holding.
“Should be easy,” Cal responded as he got to work.
Bode sat himself down on a crate as Cal worked on the cable. For a few moments, Bode just watched the Jedi; Cal tried to focus on what he was doing, and not on the feeling of Bode’s eyes on him.
“So, I heard you fought the Empire on Kashyyyk,” Bode said.
“Yeah,” Cal replied shortly.
“Hijacked a Walker and broke open an Imperial prison camp single-handed,” Bode continued. Was it Cal’s imagination, or did he sound impressed?
“That one was BD,” Cal said, as said droid beeped proudly.
“Just the two of you?” Bode asked. There was definitely something else in his voice this time–concern? Worry?
Cal paused, his hands stopping briefly on the cable. He swallowed. “And some friends,” he responded, unable to keep his voice from shaking.
“So, uh,” Cal cleared his throat. “What about you, new guy?” he asked, lightening his tone as he turned the topic away from himself. “You in this for the Credits?”
“Well, Credits never hurt, but, uh…,” Bode paused for a moment, as if considering his next words carefully. He stood up and placed a holoprojector on the table.
The projection that materialised was of a young girl, no older than ten, Cal guessed. She was smiling in the holo, but there was sadness in her eyes. Her hair was short and the same dark colour as Bode’s.
“I have a daughter,” Bode said, and Cal could hear the fondness in his voice. “Kata. I don’t get to see her as often as I’d like, but at least I can provide for her.”
Something ached in Cal’s chest, in his heart. Bode shut off the holoprojector, tucking it safely back into a pouch on his belt. “Must be hard being away from her,” Cal said softly, looking up at the older man.
“Hmm,” was all Bode replied with, a crease between his eyebrows.
A thought occurred to Cal in that moment, that tore through all of Cal’s secret fantasies and ripped them to shreds. “Is her mother…,” he started, carefully.
“No, she’s gone,” Bode was looking at the ground. “The Empire took her from us.” His voice was tense.
Cal felt his chest constrict and he tore his eyes away from Bode, looking down at the almost repaired ascension cable on the table. He squeezed his eyes together and took a deep breath. He can’t continue looking at Bode, can’t continue thinking about him. He was off limits.
It was probably dangerous to get involved anyway.
“I’m sorry,” Cal said as he realised he’d let the silence go on a beat too long. “They’ve taken a lot of people.”
“More every day,” Bode replied, and there’s something in his voice that Cal couldn’t place. Bode picked up his jetpack and pulled it back on when he noticed Cal finished with the cable.
“You ever use one of those?” Bode asked.
Cal shrugged, turning the tool over in his hands. “I’ll figure it out,” he said. He looked up at Bode and gave him a confident smile. “I was a scrapper on Bracca.”
Bode raised an eyebrow at that. “You’ve been through a lot for someone so young,” he said with a chuckle.
“Just trying to survive,” Cal mumbled.
*
The mission went from "slightly to the left" to "a complete disaster" in a matter of minutes. Cal had gotten out and jumped to hyperspeed. He’d transmitted the intel to Garrera, the ultimate goal of their mission had been successful.
But Cal might have been the only one to get out.
Gabs, the twins, Bravo–they were all gone. They were all dead because Cal couldn’t protect them, he hadn’t been good enough. He had no idea if Bode had gotten out, either. They’d gotten the intel, but what good would it even be? No matter how hard Cal fought, it didn’t matter. He kept losing people, and the Empire kept growing.
Cal stared at the underside of the bunk above him. BD had convinced him to make his way to Koboh, where Greez had settled down and opened his cantina. Greez had made up a room for the Jedi, should he ever visit. It made Cal’s heart hurt.
When people cared about him, they just ended up dead.
Cal closed his eyes and took a deep breath. BD was charging at the workstation, and Cal could hear muffled conversations from the upper level. His restless mind kept replaying everything that had happened over the last few hours.
Why did everyone around Cal keep getting hurt, when Cal himself just didn’t seem able to die? Why did he deserve to live and not them? Or was this some kind of punishment, that he had to keep outliving his friends?
Cal took a shaky breath as he felt the corners of his eyes burn. He hadn’t cried in a long time. He doesn’t deserve to.
Well, this has been a great first date and all, but I still haven’t gotten paid.
Bode’s voice floated through his thoughts. They’d only known each other for a few days, and they hadn’t really spoken much until Coruscant, but Cal’s heart ached when he thought about the older man. It had started as a stupid crush, Cal being hopelessly drawn to an attractive face, the kind of thing that would dissolve after a few hours.
But hearing Bode’s laugh, his voice, the way he looked at the holo of his daughter, the way he just fell into step next to Cal…
Cal told himself that Bode was off limits. Cal didn’t know when Bode had lost his wife, but the pain had still been evident in Bode’s voice. Obviously, Cal thought to himself. People don’t just get over dead loved ones in a few days.
He felt selfish for even thinking of Bode in any way other than an ally. He shouldn’t have been hanging on to every word, or replaying every laugh and chuckle over and over in his mind. He certainly shouldn’t be thinking about how it felt when Bode had taken Cal’s hand to pull him up, how those hands might feel touching Cal gently.
Cal told himself that Bode was off limits. And then Bode went and messed it up.
Well, this has been a great first date.
It was just a joke, Cal told himself. But his heart had leapt and his eyes had lit up, and for a brief moment, Cal was hopeful. But it hadn’t meant anything–it couldn’t have meant anything.
Cal turned to lay on his side, his back facing the wall. He was so very tired.
As he drifted off, Cal couldn’t help but wonder if Bode would use the tracking beacon to find him.