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“I have a favour to ask, and it’s really fucking weird, man.”
Lawrence paused where he had been making coffee, clinking the spoon against the rim of the mug before laying it to the side. “What is it?”
“You know my friends are hosting that stupid Valentine’s Day party thing?”
He watched the man’s mouth twist- Lawrence’s dislike for his friends wasn’t a secret, really, but it wasn’t like Adam was spoiled for company. Aside from Lawrence, he took what he could get. “Yes.”
“Well.”
The silence hung there for a moment, and Adam considered abandoning the whole thing. It was stupid. Then, he pushed that anxiety away. It was Lawrence - if the man didn’t want to deal with Adam, he should have dropped him sooner.
“They’ve been trying to set me up on dates for weeks, man.”
Lawrence’s eyebrows raised slightly, and he lifted his mug to take a sip. “And you’re not interested.”
“ No .” Adam grimaced. “It’s always these asshole guys, who just want to fuck me. Or ask about Jigsaw. I don’t know which is worse.”
“Tell them to stop?”
Adam shot him a flat look. “Wow, thanks doc. I’ll try that.”
They were in Adam’s apartment for once- Adam didn't like to come here, usually, but it had been within walking distance of Lawrence’s physio appointment, so here they were. Drinking shitty coffee out of stained mugs, listening to the banging pipes.
“You said you had a favour to ask?” Lawrence prompted, and Adam felt his face heat up.
“Oh, nevermind.”
“Adam.”
Adam averted his eyes- picked at the fraying edge of one of the rips in his jeans. Anxiety swelled, and he dug a nail into his thigh. “I kind of… told them I had a boyfriend.”
Lawrence looked like he was going to laugh for a moment, before schooling his face into something more sympathetic. “To get them off your back?”
Adam nodded stiffly. “I can’t tell them I was lying, they’d never let me live it down.”
He watched the puzzle pieces connect in the man’s head, and Lawrence’s lips parted slightly with the realisation. Adam, not for the first time, got the maddening urge to kiss him. “You want me to pretend to be your boyfriend.”
“That….” Adam considered backing out again, and then sighed. “Yeah. That’s what I want. Just so they don’t all think I’m a total fucking loser.”
“And showing up with an old man will make them think you’re what, cool?”
Adam stared at him. “Didn’t peg you for the self deprecating type, Lar. You’re not old .”
Lawrence seemed to think about it then, and Adam’s stomach churned anxiously. It wasn’t a good idea, he knew that- his crush on the man had already bordered on humiliating before, he was asking to get his heart broken. But then Lawrence offered him a small, genuine smile, and nodded. Adam was lost.
“When is the party?”
Scott’s apartment was a shithole, and Adam had to stifle a laugh into his hand with a cough to stop from giggling at the faintly horrified expression that flashed across Lawrence’s features as the door swung open. It was like seeing a fish out of water, seeing Lawrence step delicately around the couch, shooting Adam a panicked look. Adam followed him, going until they could find a free pocket of space in the overfilled apartment.
“Not your kind of party?”
Lawrence’s lips pressed together. “Not exactly, no.”
“Well, at least there’s-”
“Stanheight!” Adam turned to see Scott crossing the room, cup in hand as he grinned lazily at him. Beer sloshed over the side, and Adam resisted the urge to make a face. “Didn’t think you’d actually show.”
“Yeah, well.” Adam shrugged. Scott’s gaze shifted from him to Lawrence, and his eyebrows raised.
“This your boyfriend?”
Adam flushed- he wasn’t usually so easily thrown off, could think on his feet pretty well for the most part, but it was suddenly hitting him that this was a massive fucking mistake.
Then, he felt a hand smooth over his back, to rest on his hip, felt Lawrence’s solid chest against his shoulder. He could smell his cologne, and he hoped his expression didn’t look as dumbstruck as he felt.
“I’m Lawrence Gordon, you must be… Scott?”
It was a total guess, Adam knew, but Scott barked a laugh. “Aww, you’ve been talking about me Adam?”
“All bad things.” He muttered, leaning into Lawrence’s arms a little. The man was warm, and his chuckle vibrated through his chest.
“Nice to meet you, Lawrence.” Scott smirked. “You gonna make an honest man out of him?”
Adam bit down on his tongue, mortified, but Lawrence just smiled. “That’s the intention, if he’ll let me.”
They chatted idly for another couple of minutes before Scott was pulled away by another guest- probably for some party drug that Adam definitely didn’t miss. He’d gotten boring . Lawrence exhaled slowly.
“Well he seems… interesting.”
Adam snorted. “You’re so fucking polite, dude.”
“These are your friends.”
“And you hate them.” Adam rolled his eyes at Lawrence’s protesting expression. “Don’t worry, you’re still my BFF.”
“You sound like Diana.”
“I think I’ve been spending too much time around her.”
It seemed that they realised that Lawrence still had his arm around him at the same time, and Adam mourned the loss of it as the man pulled it away. The silence was only slightly awkward, but Adam still broke it with a throat clear.
“Do you want a drink?”
Lawrence looked doubtfully at the cups of miscellaneous liquid in the hands of the people around them, and Adam rolled his eyes with a smile.
“I’m sure Scott has whiskey somewhere, princess. Wouldn’t want you to have to drink shitty beer like the plebs.”
“I can drink beer!”
Adam pulled him into the kitchen, his hand wrapped lightly around the man’s wrist. There was a couple in there, the girl sitting on the counter with her legs wrapped around her partner- it looked like they were eating each other. Lawrence looked scandalised.
Adam ducked down, rifling around in Scott’s drawers until he found what he was looking for- a dusty old bottle of Jack, half empty. “There we go.”
He fished out a (real, clean) glass out of the sink and wiped it off, tipping some whiskey into it and holding it out. “No ice, but.”
“That’s fine.” Lawrence took the glass, bringing it up to his mouth to take a sip. Adam watched him do it, mind filling briefly with the thought of whiskey flavoured kisses- he pointedly looked away and forced the thoughts out of his mind.
Back out in the main area, the music was loud enough that they had to raise their voices to hear each other. Adam would have been happy to disappear off into a corner, ignoring the party for the most part. He hadn’t even really wanted to come- until his friends had made it their mission to make sure he didn’t die alone. He glanced across at Lawrence, eyes tracing over the bridge of his nose, the softness of his cheek. His heart squeezed, and he looked back out at the party. It was fine- he had made his peace with it. No, really. He was happy to be Lawrence’s friend, to pine and bite his tongue. Still, inviting him tonight had been fucking stupid- Adam had never been the best at keeping his hand away from hot stoves.
He was about to suggest that they find a quiet corner, when another one of his friends caught him by the arm, dragging him (and by extension, Lawrence) over to a small group of people, all passing a joint around.
“You never told us your boyfriend was a doctor , Ads.” One of the girls giggled, blowing out smoke and then passing the joint. “Marrying rich is like. So cool.”
Adam reddened. “I- that’s not… Lawrence is a cancer doctor.”
Scott whistled, kicking his feet up to rest on the table. “Jeez- impressive. Save any sick kids recently?”
Adam watched Lawrence’s expression tighten slightly, before relaxing again. “I try my best to, yes. Adam told me your band has been doing well.”
Adam had done no such thing, but Scott brightened considerably. “Yeah man- we’ve been playing mostly basement shows right now, but we’re gonna take off.”
Lawrence hummed noncommittally, and then took another sip of his whiskey. Adam loved him.
“So, how did you guys meet?” It was another girl, one Adam didn’t know so well. Adam blanched- how did you go about explaining to a regular person what they had gone through?
“At the hospital-”
“I hit his car.”
They both stopped, and then Lawrence laughed softly. “He hit my car, and then I insisted on driving him to the hospital to make sure he was okay.”
The girl cooed, and Adam felt Lawrence’s hand on him again, a comforting weight on his waist, fingers squeezing just a little. He felt too warm, all of a sudden.
“Yeah, it was really sweet.” He forced out. “I was a goner.”
“We didn’t think he’d ever find anyone.” Scott laughed, only slightly nastily. “To date, I mean. He always found plenty of dick.”
Lawrence’s grip tightened for a second, and Adam saw annoyance flicker across his expression. “I can’t imagine why anyone wouldn’t want to be with him.”
It was so earnest- sounded so genuine, that Adam felt his heart lurch. It was almost like the man really meant it.
“Lawrence, it’s-” He leaned into him, hand coming up to rest on his arm.
Lawrence pulled him closer, and Adam was pressed against his chest almost protectively. “Anyone who doesn’t see that is a fool, and I feel sorry for them.”
There was a short silence, and then Scott whistled lowly. “Jesus, Stanheight. Where’d you find this guy?”
Adam blinked, slightly dazed. “I have no idea.”
Lawrence excused them then- something about fresh air, Adam wasn’t really listening. Too focused on Lawrence’s hands on him, his words still ringing in his ears. He was just trying to be nice- Adam knew he was just following along with what Adam wanted, but his chest gave a traitorous squeeze anyway. He was playing with fire, he knew it, and it was going to hurt like a bitch when it finally burned him.
They walked together through the crowd, and Lawrence found them seats again, with enough space for both of them but only if Adam was pressed right up against him. He felt like he was going to explode.
“They’re still watching us.” Lawrence murmured softly, giving a quick glance over at the group they had left behind. “You think they’re buying it?”
“You’re like. Way out of my league, man. If they’re buying it, that’s a compliment to me.”
“I’m not out of your league , Adam.” Lawrence wrinkled his nose. “Where on earth did you get that idea?”
This was dangerous territory again- it felt a little like his heart was being stabbed.
“You’re like… rich, dude. Smart, people like you.”
“People like you too, Adam.”
“Yeah, these people. Not exactly a glowing reflection of my character.”
“Well I like you.”
Adam didn’t know what to say to that, and they stared at each other for a moment. Lawrence’s eyes dropped to his lips, before flicking back up again- Adam had to be imagining things.
It would be easy, to tilt his face up, to slot their mouths together like he had been wanting to do for months now. So easy, for Adam to ruin everything.
He had to get out of there- it was too much, having Lawrence so close to him, too close. He felt like he was going to throw up.
“I need to pee.” He shot to his feet, jostling Lawrence enough to make him spill a few drops of his drink. He caught a glimpse of the man’s shocked expression, and turned to walk away before he could feel bad.
“Adam, wait, are you-”
He pushed through the crowd, and Lawrence’s voice was lost beneath the racket.
In the bathroom, he splashed water in his face and then looked at himself in the mirror.
“Get it together, man. You asked him to pretend- he’s pretending . No need to cream your pants about it like a teenager.”
He sounded insane, talking to himself. He felt insane.
Scrubbing a hand over his face, he reached for some tissue to dry it off, freezing when he heard a knock on the door. It was much too gentle to be any of the partygoers, but Adam held out hope.
“Uh, occupied.”
“... Adam, are you alright?”
He winced. “Lawrence, I’m fine.”
“You’ve been in there for ten minutes. I think Scott pissed into his kitchen sink.”
Adam made a face. “That’s gross.”
“Quite.” Lawrence fell silent for a moment before speaking again. “Can I come in? You left me alone out there.”
Guilt tightened Adam’s chest- he had left Lawrence alone out there. “Uh. Yeah, okay, one sec.”
He wiped his face off, straightening himself up before going to unlock the door. Lawrence’s face was creased in worry, and it only relaxed slightly when he saw that Adam was fine. He thought briefly about lying, telling Lawrence he had food poisoning or something. They could go home, forget tonight ever happened, and Adam could go back to pining in peace. He couldn’t lie to Lawrence though, not really.
“Are you okay?” Adam stepped back, letting Lawrence walk into the room as he spoke and closing the door again behind them. He rested his head against the cool wood of it for a second, before turning.
“Yeah, I’m fine- why?”
Lawrence didn’t look impressed. “Did I upset you?”
“How would you have upset me?”
“I don’t- I don’t know.” Lawrence looked a little lost for a moment, and Adam felt the ridiculous urge to fix it- to say whatever he had to to get that expression off of his face.
“It’s… embarrassing, okay?”
“What is?”
Adam looked away, staring at the filthy grout of the tiles, at his own hands. He couldn’t look at Lawrence. “They all think I’m too pathetic to actually find a date. And they’re right .”
Lawrence made a noise, but Adam cut him off. “I had to ask you to come here, and you’ve been perfect- but I can’t listen to you say that shit when-”
When you don’t mean it.
For a moment, the only thing Adam could hear was his own breathing, the blood rushing in his ears. He was a fucking idiot, and now Lawrence was going to back off.
“Adam.”
He didn’t look, and startled when he felt a hand under his chin, turning his head. Lawrence’s eyes were gorgeous, up close. Then he let go of his chin, and Adam swallowed.
“Lawrence, I really appreciate that you did this for me, but maybe we should just go. We can tell them we had a fight, or something. They’ll definitely believe that . Me fucking this up is the most likely ending anyways.”
Lawrence frowned again, and Adam wanted to reach out and smooth it away with his thumb. “Adam, do you think Scott was right?”
Adam blinked. “Uh, well. I mean… yeah. I haven’t found anyone, he’s right.”
Lawrence seemed to be thinking very hard. “I meant what I said, Adam.”
His chest hurt.
“You don’t have to be nice to me because my friends are assholes, Lawrence.”
“Adam, you’re not listeni-”
“Even before everything I was way too much of a mess for-”
“ Adam- ”
“And I really don’t want to mess this up, you’re my best friend and-”
“Oh my god .” Lawrence’s voice was harsher then, and Adam’s words died in his throat. “Adam, can you listen to me for once?”
Adam nodded wordlessly, and Lawrence’s expression softened.
“You’re not- People love you, Adam. People should love you.”
Adam felt tears prickle in his eyes. “Don’t, Lawrence.”
“Your friends have no idea what they’re talking about.”
“Lawrence, please-”
He saw Lawrence move, his brain lagging slightly behind, and then they were kissing. Adam froze, and it wasn’t until Lawrence pulled back to rest their forehead together that he caught up with himself.
He blinked once, twice. He could taste the whiskey on his tongue, mingle with his own beer breath. “Oh.”
Lawrence, the bastard, laughed. “Yeah, oh .”
“So you…?”
Lawrence kissed him again, and this time Adam kissed back, hands going to grasp the front of his shirt. He hadn’t let himself imagine this often- he wasn’t one for hurt himself for no reason- but whatever he had imagined was nothing compared to the reality of it. Lawrence’s mouth was warm, his hands gentle as he cradled Adam’s face like he was something precious.
His grip tightened as Lawrence moved away to breathe again, like he was afraid of the man going too far away.
“I’ve been wanting to do that for months.” Lawrence confessed, each word an electric shock to Adam’s spine.
“ Months ?”
Lawrence reddened. “I didn’t think you’d…”
Adam stared at him, and then started to laugh. He couldn’t help it, and after a moment, Lawrence joined in. “Oh we’re fucking idiots.”
“It seems that we are, yes.”
Adam pressed his hands to his face, feeling the heat of his cheeks. “We should probably head back out there. At least for a little while.”
Lawrence nodded, and then tugged him into another brief kiss. It seemed like once the man got started, he couldn’t stop. “And then we can go home?”
Home .
Adam flushed. “Your apartment?”
Lawrence seemed to notice his slip up, and his blush was gorgeous. Adam pressed a kiss to it, fingers fiddling with one of his buttons. Feeling merciful, he took Lawrence’s hand, walking towards the door. It felt like he was floating a little bit. “Yeah, we can go home.”
He felt Lawrence’s hands on his hips as he opened the door again, and shivered, before leading the man back out to where his friends were waiting.