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“Would you stop fidgeting?” Connor lifts his eyes from the menu in his hands and glances over at his boyfriend next to him. “What are you so nervous about anyway? He’s your brother. If anything I should be nervous!”
Oliver sighs as he drops his hands to his sides, abandoning the silverware he had been tapping against the table, annoying his boyfriend and probably anyone within a 20 foot radius of their table.
“I just want everything to go well. That’s all.”
Connor raises an eyebrow, confused. “Why would anything not go well?” he asks slowly.
Oliver lets out a deep sigh and makes a point of not meeting Connor’s eyes, which is made easier given that they’re sitting next to each other. “Randy… Randy doesn’t like you.”
Connor lets the menu drop from his hands and slower moves closer until they’re mere inches apart. Oliver’s hesitantly turns his eyes to look at the other man.
“What do you mean he doesn’t like me? He hasn’t even met me!”
“Well, I–I may have, um…”
Connor raises his arms in question and stares expectantly.
“I told him you cheated on me.”
Connor’s jaw slowly drops and the realization dawns on him that Oliver’s older brother definitely thinks he’s a piece of shit douche that doesn’t deserve Oliver. “Oh god,” he mutters and drops his face into his hands.
“It’s not that bad–”
“Yes, it is,” Connor hisses at him. “That’s why you made me change my shirt!”
“It was wrinkled!”
“You said my hair looked horrible!”
“Well, you normally spend a lot more time on it–”
“Oliver, how I look isn’t going to change his opinion of me, he thinks I’m the douchebag who cheated on his brother.”
“Well, you are.”
Connor looks at him hurt.
“I’m sorry,” Oliver whispers quickly. “Look this was forever ago. I told him, way back when it first happened. I’m sure he doesn’t even care anymore…”
Connor groans again and looks away, dropping back into his chair.
“I bet he doesn’t even remember–”
“Oliver!”
They both turn quickly towards the new voice. A man walks towards their table from the front of the restaurant. At first glance, Connor notices he bares a striking resemblance to his boyfriend. Same height, maybe slightly bigger build, handsome facial features.
Oliver stands to greet him and Connor follows in suit.
“Randy, hi! It’s so good to see you again!” Oliver and his brother embrace as Connor watches awkwardly, palms sweating nervously behind his boyfriend.
“Same here! It’s been too long!” Randy says with a wide smile as they part. “You’re looking great, Oliver!” He pats him on the shoulders, and looks him over. “Everything’s… everything’s good?”
Oliver’s smile falters a bit. He still hates talking about it. “Everything’s fine, and I’m feeling great, honestly.” He suddenly remembers that he’s supposed to be introducing his boyfriend. “Oh, this is Connor! My boyfriend. Connor, this is my brother, Randy.” He pushes his chair back with his legs and moves out of the way so the two men can shake hands.
“It’s nice to meet you, Randy.” Connor says with his best smile, showing every single one of his perfect teeth.
Except Randy’s smile slowly drops as he takes in the other man. He shakes the hand Connor has held out, maybe his grip is a bit strong, and maybe he holds on a second too long. Randy’s eyes brush over the other man, glancing down from head to toe, then back up again.
Connor shifts uncomfortably as he watches Randy raise an eyebrow and give Oliver a look that clearly says really, this guy?
“Let’s sit!” Oliver says suddenly, maybe a bit too loud.
They take their seats. Randy sits across from his brother. And Connor pretends to be engrossed in the menu and tries to ignore the fact that he suddenly feels sick to his stomach.
“Let’s see what’s good here…” Oliver flips through the menu. “I’ve actually never had lunch here before. Connor took me here for dinner a couple of times, but we’ve never–”
“So Connor,” Randy interrupts his brother’s rambling. “Oliver told me you’re a lawyer?”
Connor glances up at the other man. “Um, actually I’m still in law school. So, not a lawyer yet,” he says with an awkward laugh.
“Oh, I see.” Randy nods. “I admire lawyers.”
Connor opens his mouth in surprise, before the other man continues. “Long hours, sharp analytical skills, good attention to detail, and the ability to lie your way through any situation necessary,” Randy says casually.
Connor closes his mouth in a grimace that he hopes looks something like a strained smile. He nods his head once and prays that the topic will be dropped.
“Law school, though, sounds expensive.”
Yeah, he can see where this is going.
“Oliver says you guys are living together? That you–you suddenly moved in?” Randy shrugs his shoulders. “I imagine those school bills are pretty expensive, huh? Must be nice, getting free rent. Or maybe you pay for it in other ways, I don’t know…”
“Randy!” Oliver stares at his brother in shock.
Connor just lets out a slow breath as he stares at the menu in his hands and struggles to remain calm.
“What? I meant maybe he helps pay for the groceries!” Randy glances at Oliver with a smile on his face. “I’m just kidding, relax. No but really, I see why you like this guy,” he nods his head towards Connor. “He seems like a real catch. Smart, good looking, good career, in a couple of years anyway.” He turns to Connor with a smile. “I guess you’re just waiting it out, right? I mean, how old are you are even?”
“Randy, stop it!” Oliver hisses angrily. “What is wrong with you?”
Connor’s hands are clenching the menu so tightly they’re starting to hurt and he needs a break before he does something he regrets. “I’m gonna… I’m gonna go to the bathroom,” he says to Oliver. “If the waitress comes around, just… order whatever the lunch special is for me.”
“Connor…”
“I’m fine,” he whispers and forces a smile on his face as he leaves his seat. As he walks away he can hear Oliver reprimanding his brother for his words. Somehow, it doesn’t really make him feel any better. Yeah, he knows he deserves it, but it just slipped his mind, and he never considered that Oliver’s family might feel the same way. Or at least, he didn’t think they’d be so vocal about it.
His stomach continues to flip as he enters the men’s restroom, which is thankfully empty. He forces out a slow, long breath, and tries to calm his pounding heart. As he stares at his reflection in the mirror, Randy’s words come back to him. It’s not the first time he’s wondered what everyone thinks of them as a couple. It’s hard not to think about it when it’s the first real relationship he’s ever had in his life. Especially with all the times Oliver has mentioned his looks. Does everyone think Connor’s just using him?
He takes a deep, shaky breath, and tries to clear his thoughts. He quickly splashes some water on his face, dries himself off, and prepares to return to the table.
Oliver’s hunched over the table, Randy looks exasperated, and the two of them are deep in conversation. Even at a distance, Connor can see that Oliver looks pissed. And it does makes him feel slightly better that his boyfriend is angry on his behalf. He’s almost prepared himself to make horrible small talk for the rest of this disastrous meal right up until he hears what Randy’s saying.
“Come on, Oliver. You don’t go for guys like that. A pretty boy like him is not going to stick around long. You keep this up and he’s just going to hurt you again–”
“Hey!”
Both pairs of eyes stare up at him in shock.
Connor angrily pulls out the chair and takes his seat. “You’ve been badmouthing me the second you got here and I’ve had enough of it. You hate me, I get it. Because I hurt him. But you don’t know me. You don’t know a single thing about me. And you don’t get to make presumptions about me or my relationship with Oliver.”
Randy looks like he’s about to speak, but Connor cuts him off.
“I know what you probably think of me. I’ve heard it all before. I’m… I’m just a pretty face who sleeps around to get what I want. I’m just using him, right?” he nods his head in Oliver’s direction. “And surely it can’t last because eventually I’ll get bored and move on, to the next dumb ass stupid enough to fall for me, right? Because guys like me don’t know how to commit.” He feels Oliver’s hand slowly come to rest on his thigh, squeezing gently. “Believe me, anything you could possibly think of me, I’ve heard it all before. And yeah, I got around a lot. I didn’t care who I hurt, and I did it to get what I wanted, screwed my way to the top of my class, to be the best. And maybe that makes me a whore. I was a terrible person, and I did some shitty things before I met Oliver. Even after. But he’s changed me. And I’m not like that anymore.”
Randy watches him, silent. Oliver doesn’t say a word either, so Connor continues.
“I bet Oliver hasn’t told you much about us, right? He tends to be a bit shy about our relationship around other people. He was shy when I first met him too. But he’s not shy anymore.” Connor leans forward and drops his voice barely above a whisper. “Your brother has done things to me that I’ve never let anyone else do.” The hand gripping his thigh suddenly becomes a death grip and Oliver’s other hand grabs his arm, silently pleading him to shut up. “There was this one time where we had sex, on my law professor’s desk.”
“Oh my god, Connor!” Oliver releases him to bury his face in his hands in embarrassment.
“That was a first for him,” Connor says with a soft laugh as he watches Randy’s aghast expression. “But I’ve had a lot of firsts with Oliver too. You know what I’ve never done, before I met him? I’ve never been… terrified that someone I care about might be in danger.” In his peripheral vision he sees Oliver drop his hands to watch him. “I’ve never been so scared that I might lose someone I love, that I felt paralyzed. Because I’ve never loved anyone before, not the way I love him. I’ve never had someone make me feel like my whole world might be ending. And I’ve never felt happiness like this, like all my problems, and all the bullshit that this world throws at you, like none of it even matters when I’m around him. I’ve never felt guilt because of things that I’ve done. I’ve never wanted so badly to take back my actions. I’ve never considered how my actions could so strongly affect another person. But now… now it’s all I think about.”
“Connor…”
Connor turns towards the other man. “I think about what Oliver’s doing during my late nights at the office. I think about Oliver going to doctor’s appointments by himself because I’m too busy with work to go with him. I think about how… he forgave me for what I did, I think about how badly I hurt him, and how I’ll never forgive myself for it. Everyday I think about how I don’t deserve him.” He lets out a short laugh, “God, I think about how his day is going, what he had for lunch. I’m always… always thinking about him. Because I love him.”
Oliver sighs softly, and tries to fight the tears prickling his eyes. He reaches under the table to find Connor’s hand to hold in his own. “I love you too, Connor,” he murmurs gently.
Randy rolls his eyes at them. “Jeez you two are sappy as hell.”
“Can you stop being an asshole now? My boyfriend just poured his heart out to you, and anyone else that might be in earshot,” Oliver quickly glances around the restaurant while Connor smiles sheepishly.
Oliver turns his gaze to him, and quickly leans over and give him a peck on the cheek.
Connor smiles, genuinely this time, and they both turn back to Randy.
“Sorry that was… intense. But I have a lot of feelings about him.” Connor nods his head towards Oliver.
“No, I’m sorry,” Randy says finally, “I shouldn’t have made assumptions about you. You clearly seem to care about my brother. And I guess, that’s all that matters to me.”
“Oh god, can we please change the subject,” Oliver pleads. “This whole lunch has been a nightmare.”
Randy scoffs. “Hey, you’re not the one forever scarred by the image of his brother having sex with his boyfriend on some law professor’s desk.
Oliver groans and drops his head to the table.
“That’s not even the worst we’ve done,” Connor shakes his head. “We made a sex tape.”
“Connor, shut up!”
“Seriously, please, I do not need to know any more about your relationship,” Randy says, but there’s mirth is his eyes as he watches Oliver panic. “I know you’re practically family, but you and I are not quite there yet.”
Connor laughs and turns to his boyfriend, who once again has his face buried in his hands. Maybe this lunch thing won’t be so bad after all.