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Pain. Agonizing, searing pain and blood-curdling screams. Xie Lian gripped his head in his hands, trying to silence the familiar cries as images from the excruciating experience flickered across his mind. His legs gave out and he collapsed to his knees, screaming his throat raw alongside the black-clad youth as the vengeful spirits engulfed him. But as quickly as the pain had come, it had gone, and when Xie Lian peered up to find the youth he was met with a single white flower. Just as the tears began to drift down his cheeks, he woke with a start, bolting upright in bed.
Xie Lian was panting, sweating, and clawing at his chest, feeling for the sword piercing through his chest again and again until he realized that there was no blade lodged there. He tried desperately to wipe the images from his mind as he rubbed his eyes and wiped away the tears that followed him back to his room in Paradise Manor. He peered over to see his husband fast asleep in their bed and let out a sigh of relief. He was here with Hua Cheng in their home just like they had been for years. Yet even after all the time that had passed, the memories still haunted him. He couldn’t calm the nerves that continued to spiral even higher out of his reach. Xie Lian glanced over to his husband once more as a wave of panic washed over him.
I don’t want to bother him.
Silently, Xie Lian clambered out of their bed and threw on his robe as he walked toward the door, leaving his shoes untouched. At that moment all he could hear, all he could feel, was his heart pulsing in his ears, drowning out the sounds of Ghost City while sweat accumulated on his fair jade-like skin.
“Gege, come back to bed.” He was startled by his husband’s voice sounding from behind him groggily, woken by the sudden loss of warmth at his side.
“San Lang…” His voice trailed off, caught in his throat when those scenes flashed before his eyes once again. It felt so real. The pain, the hopelessness. Not a nightmare, but memories that had long since passed, though it felt as if he had lived them just moments ago. He opened his mouth to speak again but felt his heart begin to race, suddenly overwhelmed by a crushing invisible weight.
“San Lang…” His hands began to shake and a stinging sensation overwhelmed his eyes with new fervor as a fresh wave of tears spilled down his cheeks, but before he could call out to his husband once more he found that he was already by his side.
“Gege, everything is fine. I’m here.” Xie Lian’s eyes flitted up to meet his husband’s gaze as he reached out to him, his voice still caught in his throat as he struggled to steady his breathing with the weight bearing on his chest. He felt the warmth of Hua Cheng’s touch as one hand ran through his hair, the other snaked around his waist as he pulled him close for an embrace. Xie Lian clutched at the ghost king’s chest desperately with one hand as the other gripped tightly to the arm around his waist, eyes flitting across his husband’s bare figure. “It’s all over now, love. I’ll keep you safe.”
In the next moment, Xie Lian was too dazed to notice as his husband shifted his other arm behind his knees and swept him up into his grasp. He leaned into his chest, desperately grasping at his shoulders as he wept while Hua Cheng guided them back to bed. He’s right here. Xie Lian assured himself. Nevertheless, he felt as though his most devoted believer would float away at any moment if he loosened his grip in the slightest; disappearing into a million silver butterflies once again.
“San Lang…” Xie Lian hiccuped, feeling himself start to settle ever so slightly as his nails withdrew from the flesh they’d nestled into.
“Shh, it’s okay gege.” He delicately placed him down onto the bed, crawling back into bed beside him to continue the soothing motions of running his hand through his hair. “I get them too sometimes.” His expression was soft and showed no sense of panic – all that could be met was a warm, sympathetic gaze as he watched over his beloved. Xie Lian couldn’t hold back the fluttering of his heart as they locked eyes, wondering how he got so lucky to find himself met with so much love.
Xie Lian’s eyebrows furrowed. “Nightmares?” He choked out as dribbles of tears trickled into his mouth. Hua Cheng nodded wordlessly and continued to stroke his hair. For a few moments they laid in silence as his pulse and tears settled slightly.
“It just felt… so real. I wish I could have saved you, San Lang.” His sentences stuttered as his heart picked up again, emotions overwhelming him anew. It felt as though every time he started to come back down, something set him drifting once again, the back and forth disorienting him further. “Your pain… I could feel it as if it were my own.” His grip on his husband tightened again, frantically trying to keep him in his sights. “Just the same as you when White No-Face convinced those people to – ”
“Let’s not think about that right now.” It was almost a command, spoken with such sternness that no one would dare question it. Hua Cheng’s expression darkened and his jaw tightened briefly before he relaxed, returning his focus to comforting the god who was fighting back another wave of tears. Hua Cheng brushed his thumb over Xie Lian’s cheeks to wipe away those that escaped and leaned in to press a kiss to his forehead. Xie Lian exhaled in response.
“You know, I have few memories of my mother, but there is one thing I do remember,” Xie Lian peered up into his husband’s eye with curiosity. “Something that may help gege.” Xie Lian blinked up at him, his breath stuttering as his devoted husband pulled him closer. “Whenever I had nightmares she would cradle me in her arms and sing me a song.”
Before he could process what he was hearing he could feel it. The deep vibrations emanating from Hua Cheng’s soothing baritone vocals passed through Xie Lian’s body, and he felt his heartbeat begin to gradually slow. The sensation washed over him and flooded his senses; it allowed his nerves to cease their stinging and his body to relax, letting the tenseness that lingered fade.
As Hua Cheng continued to sing a tune that Xie Lian had never heard before he continued to run his hand through his hair, the other firmly placed around his waist. The vibrations pulsed between their bodies and the crown prince felt himself become grounded, his once desperate grip on the ghost king now lax. The panic that had plagued his body suddenly became a distant memory. Feeling the vibrato of his husband's voice coursing through him was a comfort Xie Lian wasn’t aware he could feel until that moment. He felt a new sense of closeness with the man who had fought for him for centuries.
“I can’t believe I’ve never heard you sing before, San Lang.” He mumbled with a smile, reveling in the sweet melody.
Hua Cheng smiled, staring down at his god with adoration. “Gege never asked.” Xie Lian looked up to meet his gaze, stretching up to press their lips together. Hua Cheng’s hand slid from his silky hair to cup his chin, brushing his tongue along Xie Lian’s bottom lip but not moving to deepen the kiss.
For a moment they stayed like this, sweet kisses shared between smiles pressed against one another’s, until Xie Lian felt sleep begin to overcome him. He yawned and Hua Cheng, smiling and rubbing his chin, pressed a soft kiss to the tip of his nose before trailing his lips down to settle on his cheek. He lingered there for a moment before he pressed one last kiss to Xie Lian’s forehead as his arms found a place around his love’s shoulders, a soft hum of contentment rumbling through his chest.
Xie Lian hummed in response as he curled into his chest and stifled a yawn. “Sing to me again, San Lang. Perhaps then this wife may rest.” A deep rumble transferred between the two as Hua Cheng let out a chuckle. He would do anything for his beloved. He would move mountains, burn cities, die a million times over just to keep that bright light gleaming – to see that beautiful smile grace his face. He planted one last kiss on his beloved’s forehead before rubbing his back.
Even after all this time it feels just like a dream.
But it wasn’t. It was entirely real: a grueling journey of pain, sacrifice, and suffering. Still, if given the chance he would do it all over again. He would spend the rest of his life singing silly songs to soothe his god back to sleep if he asked.
“As gege wishes.”