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Yeonjun stared at his phone, hoping for a reply that never came. He had texted Beomgyu dozens of times, but all he got was silence. He wondered what he had done wrong, why Beomgyu suddenly stopped talking to him. They used to be good friends, always chatting and hanging out together. They had even shared a kiss once, after a late-night movie. Yeonjun thought they had something special, but maybe he was wrong.
He felt like a ghost, wandering around in a room where only echoes lingered. He missed Beomgyu's voice, his smile, his touch. He missed the way Beomgyu would tease him, comfort him, make him laugh. He missed the way Beomgyu would look at him, with those sparkling eyes that seemed to hold a thousand secrets. He missed everything about him. It hurt his heart so much when he thought about it.
He checked Beomgyu's social media, hoping for a sign of life. It wasn’t healthy, Yeonjun had known this. However, he couldn’t help this, because he missed Beomgyu too much. He saw a new post, with a hashtag that he hadn’t seen before .
”#TheSky_is_so_Pretty”
He clicked on it, and saw a picture of Beomgyu sitting down on a hill, looking at the sunset. He looked happy, carefree, and beautiful. Yeonjun felt a pang of jealousy and hurt. How could Beomgyu act like nothing had happened, like Yeonjun didn't exist? How could he log out from his world so easily?
Yeonjun felt tears sting his eyes, and he quickly wiped them away. He didn't want to cry, he didn't want to be weak. He wanted to be angry, to hate Beomgyu, to forget him. But he couldn't. He still loved him, even if Beomgyu didn't love him back. He still hoped that Beomgyu would come back to him, even if it was a foolish hope.
He knew that most likely wouldn’t happen. But he kept trying. He didn’t want to lose Beomgyu. He was his world.
He decided to call him, one last time. He dialed his number, and waited for him to pick up. He heard the familiar ringtone, and his heart skipped a beat. Maybe Beomgyu would answer, maybe he would explain, maybe he would apologize. Maybe they could start over, maybe they could be happy, maybe they could be together.
But then, he heard the dreaded voicemail. "Hi, this is Beomgyu. I'm not available right now, so please leave a message. Or don't. I don't care."
You’re my world, Beomgyu, Yeonjun had thought, not realizing tears were starting to fall, but what am I to you? What am I?
Yeonjun felt a surge of pain, and he hung up. He threw his phone on the bed, and buried his face in his pillow. He let out a sob, and then another, and another. He cried until he had no tears left, until he felt numb and empty. He cried until he fell asleep, dreaming of Beomgyu.
Beomgyu looked at his phone, and saw a missed call from Yeonjun. He felt a twinge of guilt, and he debated whether to call him back. He wanted to talk to him, to hear his voice, to see his face. He wanted to tell him the truth, to explain why he had ghosted him. He wanted to apologize, to ask for forgiveness, to beg for another chance. He wanted to tell him that he loved him, more than anything.
But he couldn't. He couldn't because he was afraid. Afraid of what his parents would say, what his friends would think, what the world would do. Afraid of losing everything he had worked for, his dreams, his career, his future. Afraid of hurting Yeonjun, of breaking his heart, of ruining his life. Afraid of being happy, of being himself, of being free. He loved Yeonjun, don’t get him wrong. Beomgyu just thought that they wouldn’t work out. Beomgyu knew that his other friends hated Yeonjun. They always told him to stay away from the older. His parents had done the same. They hadn’t been very supportive from the start, so Beomgyu didn’t pay their words any attention.
He didn’t want to continuously overthink it. He didn’t want to constantly think about his relationship with Yeonjun, because everyone around him was telling him to stop being around him. Beomgyu didn’t know what to do. Listen to them, who are older and wiser, or listen to his heart, which had failed him before?
He had made a choice, a terrible choice. He had chosen to cut off Yeonjun, to ignore him, to pretend he didn't exist. He had chosen to lie, to hide, to fake. He had chosen to sacrifice his love, for the sake of his safety. He had chosen to be a coward, a ghost, a zombie. He didn’t want to deal with Yeonjun anymore. Beomgyu was tired, he was tired of everything. He hoped Yeonjun would understand.
But Beomgyu knew he wouldn’t, because his decision was so stupid.
He hated himself, for making that choice. He hated himself, for hurting Yeonjun. He hated himself, for being unhappy. He hated himself, for being alive. How could he do this to such a nice person who had always been there for him? How selfish of him, right?
He deleted Yeonjun's number, and his messages, and his photos. He deleted him from his phone, and from his memory, and from his heart. He deleted him from his life, and from his soul, and from his world.
He deleted him, as if he didn’t exist anymore, and he felt nothing.