Chapter Text
Kurt hated Christmas.
If it was for him, he’d spend the whole month of december cuddled in his bed with his hot british boyfriend, Adam. But sadly Adam had to work on the supermarket and asked Kurt to wait for him on the coffee around the corner, to pick him up.
He didn’t understand why was necessary to wait for him here, when he could be waiting for him on his apartment, which wasn’t decorated with christmas stuff, and he wouldn’t have to listen christmas carols or people talking about how much they love christmas or that they don’t know what to buy to their partner.
Kur took a deep breath, and closed his eyes, smelling the coffee just made and trying to don’t cry, while waiting his turn on the line.
He used to love Christmas, it was his favorite holiday, but that changed last year, when a man broke his heart. And Kurt should be over it now, but he couldn’t forget.
He couldn’t forget the taste of the man’s lips, mixed with hot chocolate; the touch of his hands, how good and warm felt his skin, even though New York was freezing; the way the man eyes looked at him; with want, and what Kurt thought it was love (obviously wrong), his hot breath against his ear, the kisses on his skin, his voice…
“Next!” – The man behind the coutner almost yelled, sounding pretty angry. Or maybe just tired.
His voice sounded a lot like the man who broke Kurt's heart.
Kurt opened his eyes and saw, and hoped this man, who was looking down while writing something, wasn’t the one Kurt was thinking.
But then the man lifted his head, his grumpy expression, changing to a shocked one. And Kurt saw it was Sebastian Smythe.
“Kurt?” He asked, after a brief momento of silence (and someone yelling to hurry up). “What are-”
“A non fat mocha.” Kurt answered dryly, handing him the money (Kurt already knew his price.) and then proceding to move aside, waiting for his coffee.
As Kurt waited, he could feel Sebastian’s eyes as he was attending another client, and even when Kurt started to walk to his table.
❅ K&S ❅
He sat on a table besides the big window, looking at the snow falling and praying (to who? he doesn’t even know because he doesn’t believe in God) for Adam to come soon. His cup of coffee still full and cold already, after sitting there for a few minutes.
“Can I sit?” Sebastian asked. Kurt didn’t even look at him, but Sebastian sat.
They were like this for almost a minute, no one speaking, Sebastian staring at Kurt and Kurt staring at the window, when Sebastian cleared his throat and spoke again.
“You know, I kinda thought you’d order a ‘christmas drink’, like hot chocolate or something.” Sebastian said, trying to make it sound like a joke.
“Probably I’d still do if someone wouldn’t have ruined my Christmas last year.” Kurt said, still not turning to face him.
Sebastian swallowed, and Kurt, from his peripheral vision, he could Sebastian was nervous.
“Yeah about that,” Sebastian took a deep breath, looking like he was looking for the right words. “I know I fucked it up, but I just wanna say I’m so-WHAT THE FUCK!?” Sebastian stood up quickly, picking a napkin and trying to dry his face.
Kurt wasn’t a violent person, and for him this calificated as violent, but he couldn’t let Sebastian finish, so he throw his coffee at his face.
He just couldn’t let Sebastian apologizes, because Kurt knows if he does, he’ll forgive him, and probably will end up with a kiss, and that kiss will lead to sex and the next morning Kurt will end up feeling heart broken as Sebastian left in the morning, just like last Christmas.
Kurt stood up, he’d wait for Adam outside the super or text him he’d wait on his apartment, anything, but he couldn’t just be here anymore with Sebastian’s presence.
“WAIT!” Sebastian yelled, following him.
Kurt could hear a female voice saying to Sebastian he couldn’t leave, but Sebastian just ignored it and keep following Kurt, while he hurried.
Kurt barely made it out the door when Sebastian grabbed his wrist and turned him around.
“Fuck! You were almost running.” Sebastian said, not letting him go, even though Kurt tried to loosen. “Can you- Fuck- Would you fucking stop?” Sebastian said, now grabbing both of Kurt wrists as Kurt started to smack his chest.
“Let me go, Sebastian!” Kurt said, not yelling because he thought he’d cry if he did.
“No.” Sebastian said firmly. “Not until I can explain how much I’m sorry for what I did to you, to explain you why I did it and then…” Sebastian took a deep breath, again. “And then you decide if you wan to forgive me or not. If you want to give me a second chance or not.”
“Ok.” Kurt said reluctantly. “But stop grabbing me.” And Sebastian let go his wrists.“Start.”
“Well I just want you to know that night was the best of my life, Kurt.” Sebastian said looking directly at Kurt’s eyes. “You made me feel things I’ve never felt before.”
“Like disgust? nausea? Because that’s what the letter said.” Kurt said in a cold voice, trying to contain his emotions.
“Look that letter was part of my facade ok? I got scared Kurt.” Sebastian said, looking at him with pleading eyes. “We didn't’ have sex, we made love, and you-you said you loved me, and I just couldn't tell you back, not because I didn't feel that way because I was just so scared this would lead a relationship and you knew I never had one, and this could have ruined our friendship. That night meant everything to me, you mean everything to me, but I just couldn't risk my heart.” Sebastian grabbed Kurt’s face between his hands, looking sincere while he spoke the next words: “That night and you, still mean everything to me Kurt. I’ve lived tortured for months, knowing I acted like a coward.” He started to lean, closing the distance between us and Kurt knew he was about to be kissed, and Kurt wanted too.
But all the momories from the next day came to his mind and heart, and he pushed Sebastian away.
“Mhm. And did you know how I felt?” Kurt asked bitterly, in the edge of tears. “My mistake was sleeping with you even though I knew you didn’t love me, but I just…I couldn’t wait, it just felt right. And I knew, or well I thought I knew what it would come after it: you saying you were too drunk to notice who you slept with, that you horny, friends have sex or something like that. I didn’t expect you to bring me flowers and say you loved me, but I didn’t expect either you’d act like an asshole, making me feel worthless and nothing more than a quick, and bad fuck.”
“Kurt, I’m-” Sebastian stepped closer, Kurt took a step back.
“NO!” Kurt almost yelled, making everyone look at their way, but he didn’t care. “You’ve made me feel worthless, Sebastian. I could have stand the feeling of love you and not being loved back, but not the feel of being, and I quote ‘worst fuck ever, probably a girl would have been better. I’m sorry I’ve wasted so much time pretending to be your friend to get in your pants, and it wasn’t even worthy. If you were this bad with Blaine, now I have no doubt why he cheated on you.’” Kurt finished, his voice breaking at the last sentence, tears falling like it was rain.
“Kurt,” Sebastian’s voice sounded so small, but Kurt couldn’t bring himself to care.
If Sebastian didn't care in a year to make him feel better about this, because he definitely knew this would destroy Kurt, then Kurt didn’t have to care about how he felt now.
“If you, at least would have bothered to call, to send me another letter, a facebook message…whatever, as a way to say you were sorry and you didn’t mean it, I could forgive you.” Kurt crying became in soft sobs, his expression darkening. “But you didn’t give a fuck about how you made me feel, so now I don’t have to give a fuck about how you feel.”
“But, I-” And again Sebastian couldn’t finish, because this time another man interrupted him.
“Is he bothering you, baby?” A blonde with a british accent asked, wrapping an arm around Kurt’s waist. Sebastian eyes fell to where the blonde positioned his arm, a feeling of jealousy and hurt creeping inside him.
“No, honey.” Kurt said, smirking at Sebastian. “We were just…discussing some stuff, but I was on my way to see you at the market.”
"Yeah, sorry about that. Christmas Eve is the worst time to work.” Adam said, looking genuinely apologetic.
“It’s ok. You don’t have to explain me anything.” Kurt said, now turning to see Adam and his boyfriend was frowning at him, like he was trying to figure out what Kurt meant. But Kurt didn’t give him time, before he put a hand on his boyfriend’s neck and crashing their lips together, both of them moaning into it.
Kurt wasn’t one to show this kind of affection in public, but he just wanted to let Sebastian know he was already over him, even thought he wasn’t. Suddenly they felt someone clearing his throat, and both aparted, Kurt turning to see Sebastian, with a smirk on his lips.
“Oh, Sebastian, this is my boyfriend, Adam.” Kurt said in a sweety voice. “Adam, this is Sebastian, an old friend.” Adam held his hand out, But Sebastian didn’t shake it, just staring at Kurt, looking hurt. “Well, we better get going, I just want go to the apartment.” And Kurt came closer to Adam’s heart. “I can’t wait to show you your christmas present.” Kurt purred, looking at Sebastian, loud enough to be heard by both men.
Adam moaned, and cursed himself for doing it in the street, but luckily, nobody noticed.
“Bye, Sebastian.” Kurt said, handing Sebastian a piece of paper, still smirking and walking away with Adam.
When Kurt passed him Sebastian opened the wrinkled piece of paper, and tears started to fell just as soon as Kurt’s when he noticed it was the letter he left on Kurt’s bedroom Last Christmas.