Chapter Text
With a sword sound effect, Charles stumbles backward into shot on the left hand side, clutching his stomach.
The film pauses a moment, and a pleasant voiceover (Britt Scott Clark) says. "This is Charles."
Charles winces into even more pain, then with a second sword sound, Bernard too stumbles backwards into shot to his right.
The narrator continues. "And this is Bernard."
Charles falls out of shot, while the narrator concludes. "They are the Muggers of Honeywood."
We see a wider shot of Greg standing nearby talking to an adventurer, as jaunty music plays.
Charles lies flat on his back upon the gravel of Honeywood's paths, looking up at the sky while Bernard falls into shot with him.
"Ow... Careful." Charles says as Bernard falls next to him, bumping him.
Charles stares at the clouds, as though searching for answers. "Why do we do this, Bernard?"
"For the Gold." Bernard replies like it's obvious, turning his head to look at Charles.
"But... We've already mugged thousands of gold off a wagon, haven't we?" Charles points out, looking back at Bernard in turn, really considering him.
"Well.. yeah. But." Bernard says. "We can mug more gold."
Charles looks back at the sky. "If there's always more gold, then isn't it pointless to keep striving like this? Why do we want gold so much if it isn't a rare treasure?"
"Because it's Gold." Bernard says emphatically, looking back at the sky too, searching for answers that might satisfy Charles.
"That is true." Charles says. "But, then how will we know when to stop?"
"What do you mean stop? We're Muggers." Bernard explains, looking at Charles in alarm .
"Yeah... but is our quest for more gold really worth all the pain it brings into our lives - is what I'm saying." Charles says.
Bernard finally clicks to what Charles is saying. "Oh, you mean the endless repetitive nature of mugging. Saying the same thing over and over in the hope of striking it rich, like that one magic moment in memory we both share, when everything went right. Even though most of the time the effort just makes you die a little inside."
"Yeah. That." Charles says tiredly. "Do we always have to Mug people?"
"Who else is going to be the Muggers of Honeywood? Richard and Alfred?" Bernard scoffs and struggles to sit up. The shot changes so we're looking directly side on to them.
"No, I mean.. do there have to be Muggers in Honeywood?" Charles asks, wincing as he struggles to sit too.
Bernard gasps, scandalised. "Honeywood wouldn't be the same without Muggers."
"Yeah, but is that a bad thing?" Charles asks.
"How could you say that? There have to be Muggers in Honeywood!" Bernard says.
"Why?"
"There just does." Bernard says, offended by the notion.
Charles shakes his head in frustration. "Not only does no-one in town like us, some of the adventurers who visit here regularly are completely sick of us too, Bernard. You hear them, right? 'Oh, it's them again with their same old mugging schtick' and run straight on by, barely looking at us."
"I love our mugging stick." Bernard sounds miffed as he holds his truncheon.
"I know you do, mate. I used to too. But.. But it's all been feeling stale for me recently." Charles says sadly. "Like we're stuck in a loop. A ten hour loop. "
"Well... Well... Why don't we take a day off?" Bernard asks.
"What?" Charles asks, blindsided by the idea.
"Yeah. You know. Relax, reinvigorate ourselves. Come back fighting fit." Bernard says.
"Can we do that?" Charles asks.
"I don't see why not." Bernard replies.
"It's worth a try?" Charles says.
"It's just one day, innit? We go back to mugging like usual the next day." Bernard says.
"So, I could do some proper baking?" Charles asks hopefully.
"Yeah! You could finally perfect your macarons." Bernard says, slapping Charles on the back encouragingly, and making him wince in pain.
Charles frowns in thought and says slowly. "So... We'll always be greedy idiots blinded to personal danger by the alluring promise of more Gold. But we can explore other aspects of our personality, in order to spice up our lives?" Charles reasons.
"Uh... something like that." Bernard agrees.
"Just the thought of it makes me feel so much better I could go for another mug right now." Charles says, standing up once again. Bernard follows suit happily.
An adventurer passes them both by as they get their bearings to spot a new victim, then steps back a few strides, stabbing them both without changing expression and then jogging onwards.
"Ow, why?" Charles asks nobody in particular as he sinks back to his original spot on the ground.
"Hurk!" Says Bernard.
They both land back on the ground, looking up at the sky, and after a moment of consideration Charles says. "So there's this recipe for Garlic bread I've been wanting to try."
"Oh yeah?" Bernard replies with interest as he looks to Charles.
The Music plays, and in the wider shot, be see Greg standing nearby with his arms at his sides, awkward and bored, unsure as always how to deal with the drama unfolding around him as we hear the murmur of Charles and Bernard discussing what they want to do on their day off.
The screen goes dark and the narrator says. "And that's how Charles and Bernard started having a day off."