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“What’s–” She stopped herself, but then went ahead anyways “What’s the type of girl you like?”
He didn’t move an inch, but she knew he was awake, she heard him swallow and sigh every once in a while, he went like that all the time, he pretended to be asleep but never actually slept. Maybe it was because she was there, maybe she made him uncomfortable. She didn’t want to share a tent with him anyways, she just had to. And it’s been hard for her, for some reason for hours before closing her eyes, she’s been super aware of him, of his breathing, of how his scent fills the place in just a second and then travels through her nose and into her, making her brain fuzzy and nervous. It bothers her that she spends so long with him, just him in there, yet they don’t talk at all.
“I know you’re awake” She whispers, daring to touch his back with the tip of her fingers “You’re always awake”
“You should sleep, Princess” Hak’s rough voice breaks the silence in the air
“You should sleep, too”
“Yeah, I should” He whispers, the low tone in his voice causes her chest compress in the most weird way. It must be the lack of sleep, she thinks, that must be it
“So, what is it?” Yona asks, after a while of silence. She won’t stop bothering him until she learns something about him tonight. How can it be possible that they’ve know each other for so long and there are still things he hides from her so fiercefully? No, she has to know at least this much
“You’re annoying” He answers
“We lie awake for so long and in silence, I want to–” But she’s stopped by his body moving, and before she has time to realize what’s happening, he has turned back and is now staring at her, only a few inches apart
“Alright, You want to talk? Let’s have a deep conversation about life things, shall we?” Hak smiles whimsically, as he knows he already got her by getting too intense and close, he knows she’ll back up, turn around and pretend she’s asleep, that’s exactly what she feels like doing; but she won’t. Not this time. She puts a little more distance between them and then attacks again
“What kind of girl do you like?” Yona ask, seriously. Her heart is pounding strongly, but she ignores it like she’s being paid to. Hak raises his eyebrow, she can see it with the little moonlight that fills the tent “You know, when we manage to come back, to have a normal life, what kind of girl will you marry?”
“A normal life, huh?” He smiles “That’s cute”
There’s a silence filled with some kind of sarcasm and she starts to think about how impossible it is for them right now to even think about something like that. Somehow the thought fills her eyes with tears.
“You don’t think we could ever have it?” Yona asks, a silent tear falling from her left eye “You’re right, it’s stupid to think about it.” And with that, she turns her back at him. She doesn’t want to talk anymore, she gives up on trying to find out anything, now she’s just sad and confused and more awake than ever- If he doesn’t want to share anything, then screw him.
“I don’t think I’ll ever marry” Hak breaks the silence, after a sigh “Even if we get to have a normal life, I’ll just fight in wars until I die, that’s it.” He sentences, the thought of it breaks her heart even more. She nods with her head but no words come out of her mouth, for if she talks she’s going to cry out loud, even though she doesn’t know when exactly is that this feeling filled her body, now she can’t seem to shake it. “The truth is” He adds, before moving to turn his back on her “I could never have what I want anyways”
Silence.
“Why?” Yona asks, her heart beating strongly, her eyes salty “Why can’t you?”
“Just sleep, Princess” Hak sighs, frustrated “It doesn’t matter”
“It matters to me” She turns around again, not feeling like letting it go this time. She inches closer to him and softly places her forehead in his back, sinking into a sea of childhood memories. A man like this, she thinks, a man like this deserves everything he wants. “You always act so tough but… I know you feel it too, the pain. The pain of betrayal…” She continues, her voice shaky, grasping onto his clothes tightly “… and I, all I want is for you to be as happy as you deserve, Hak.”
He doesn’t move, he barely breathes now. She must be invading his space, she must be bothering him so much she’s such a pain, but she doesn’t feel like moving right now, he feels so warm and strong, like with him nothing bad could ever happen.
“If you’re happy, I’m happy, Princess” Hak says and her right arms almost moves by itself, so fast she can’t catch it. She hugs him, her right hand grasps his chest, feeling the strong beating of his heart as she presses herself against him and weeps into his back because she knows he means it, she knows, she’s always known, that inside this strong shell he’s just a child, he has lost just as much and he’s so blinded by trying to protect her that he neglects himself, forgets to remember to be human too. She wishes he would stop right now, she wishes she could protect him like he does her, if only she could keep him safe, be by his side. “Why are this things worrying you so much so suddenly, Princess? Is everything alright?” He asks, oblivious “Do you need some air?”
She doesn’t. She needs to stay here, pressed against him like this, until her feelings become clear. Until this pain dies down.
“You mean so much to me, you know that, don’t you?” She says. He sighs softly and Yona doesn’t flinch when his hand touches hers over his chest. He squeezes it softly but does not answer.
She needs to talk about this right now, she needs to let it out once and for all, to say his forgotten name “Soo-Won” Hak tenses “He broke my heart, Hak” She continues, sobbing, a thousand of amazing and horrible memories haunting her “And if it weren’t for you, if you weren’t here I would be nothing. We met the Dragons, we met Yoon, but you’re the one who brought me back to life, you changed me, you gave me a chance. Believe me when I say I want you to have everything you want in your life, I swear on my father that I will give it to you one day. Everything you want.”
“You can't” He interrupts, still holding her hand “You can’t do that”
“I can’t right now, but I will—” But he moves fastly and finds a way to face her again
“I’m telling you, you can’t, so stop worrying so much about it” His eyes are strong and he’s so close again. She doesn’t feel like moving this time, she doesn’t put any distance between them now, she just stays there. He examines her face and she even sees his jaw tensing. He might be pissed that she’s being so emotional out of nowhere, she brought this on herself by talking so much, she should just have pretended to be asleep.
But then he touches her face, hesitant at first, his fingertips trace the road of her tears softly like a whisper, so tenderly she never thought he could be capable of such a gentle touch. Her heart skips a few beats when his thumb stops at her lips, it lingers there, shaping the contour of her mouth, and she does not move, feeling his touch in every inch of her body. When his hand leaves her face she allows herself to bite her lip in the place where his finger just was. She has never felt this way before, like her whole body is on alert, like she wants so much more. When did Hak become someone capable of making her feel this way? why did she allow it? Why won’t she stop?
He brings his lips to her forehead and they rest there for a little while “I’m sorry I made you cry” He whispers against her skin and then his hand goes to her chin as he moves his mouth close to her ear. She closes her eyes “If you don’t go to sleep now I’ll go crazy” He whispers and the words repeat themselves in her head one and over again, she feels dizzy and shaky, like she lost control of everything, like she could literally let him do anything to her right now, yet she’s never been less scared in her entire life.
His nose touches hers when he moves, his hand travels to her neck, the intensity of his touch feels like almost too much for her to handle. His callous hand slowly moves to her right shoulder, uncovering her skin just a little bit, just so he can feel it under his fingertips. She’s not sure what’s happening, but whatever it is, she doesn’t want him to stop. She bites her lower lip almost out of a reflex, the pleasure of a simple touch overwhelming her to her core. She has known Hak for so long and yet she never knew he could be this… intimate, this passionate. She moves her arms slowly and wraps them around his neck, because everything inside of her is telling her she needs him closer and she’s decided to listen to her instincts instead of her head, at least just once, at least just tonight.
“Hak” She whispers, sinking her right hand in his dark hair. The skin of his neck shivers when she says his name, and she can barely believe how proud of herself she is for that. “I’m sorry I annoy you” She adds, bumping his nose with hers
“You never annoy me” He confesses, and that’s when his lips finally crash into hers, warm and strong like everything he is, she closes her eyes and lets him guide her, teach her, like he always does. His hand finds her back and he presses her more into him, if possible, as he dares to bite her lower lip oh so softly she could internally combust. When her tongue touches him she can actually feel a low moan die in his throat, his hand grasp for her clothes and he deepens the kiss even more, so she allows herself to bite him too, playfully, and he smiles into the kiss so she knows he liked it, she smiles too. This is what a real kiss feels like, she thinks, she could never imagine this kind of intimacy in her life before, she never thought something like this was even possible, she was so naive back then. But now that she found it, she doesn’t think she can go back. She doesn’t want to let it go, she wants to continue to explore it for as long as she possibly can.
He’s the one to part from her, even though he comes back to steal a few more, like he’s physically finding it hard to separate from her. Hak’s left hand goes to the back of his head, where her hands are, and takes her right one in his; it surprises her a little when he kisses her palm gently and then takes her by the wrist and leads her to his chest, right where his strong heart beats uncontrollably.
“This is the part where I wake up” He says, a slight sad note on his voice “But I don’t want to” His thumb caresses her hand as his eyes dive directly into hers. She wishes she could find words to say, something, anything that could reassure him she’s very much real. Instead, she takes his hand in hers and mimics the movement he made before, allowing him to lay his hand over her left breast. She half expects him to make a funny remark or to move his hand ever more to the left, but he doesn’t, he sighs and blushes, but does not joke.
“I’m sorry it took me so long” She finally says, hiding her face in the crook of his neck, seeking proximity
“So long for what?” His husky voice resonates in his whole chest
“To notice” She adds “I thought I was losing my mind”
“So that’s why you were acting weird, huh?” He laughs “Blushing all the time, it was so cute, Princess, you should have seen your face” He teases
“Hak!” She exclaims, separating herself from him and hitting him softly in the chest “I was very confused, don’t laugh at me!” But that’s when the dim light of the tent allows her to see the expression on his face, the broad smile he’s wearing reminds her of how she wanted to see him smile more after all they’d been through.
Suddenly she wants to see him more, she wants to look at his face, at his hands, she wants to see his smile and forget, for just a while, about the prophecies and wars to come.
“Hak…”
“What?” He asks, still smiling
She leans closer to him, “Let’s sneak out and go for a walk” She whispers, playfully
“It’s very late, Princess”
“Are you scared?” She teases, moving to a sitting position
“I don’t know what that word means” He sits too “But if something happens to you I’m going to have to protect you and that would be a pain”
She starts to move towards the outside “Fine, then I’ll ask Jae-Ha if he wants–” But she’s interrupted by his big arm over her shoulder and his hand covering her mouth
“I’ll go” He says and then removes his hand from her face slowly. She turns to look at him, and sees he’s slightly smiling. Without thinking it twice, Yona leans into him and steals a little kiss.
“Let’s go!” She smiles at his shocked face and then takes his hand to guide him outside, where the bright moon and stars give her the most beautiful welcome to a whole new stage in her life.