Work Text:
Alistair was sitting at his desk, filing incident reports. An emergency that had been a false alarm and someone had to do the paperwork for it. Unfortunately that came down to him, he minded but what was he going to do about it. Soon his office door opens and Liz walks in, in a new change of clothes than before. He just barely noticed the new lab coat. It wasn't stained blue from one of the Doctor's… Experiments.
“Hello, Brigadier.” Liz’s voice filled the room. Drowning out the scribbles of a pen. He finished writing something down, and looked up at her for a proper second this time and went back to work. Only regarding her for a moment.
“Miss Shaw.”
She goes over and stands right next to him, watching the papers, not really understanding but gave him silent support regardless. Paperwork wasn't her thing, let alone formal government type.
“Can… I ask you something?” Liz leaned a hand on an open space on the desk, checking her nails for any more blue ink. He hummed a second not entirely paying attention.
“Is it important?”
“I consider it somewhat important.” She crosses her arms in disapproval of him outright ignoring her. He sighed heavily and begrudgingly set the pen down, turning his chair to face her, an exasperated look on his face to match her impatience
“If you must.” Liz huffed, why was he like that? She takes a deep breath, shaking off the coldness. Thinking carefully about how to phrase her question to change the tension. “Do you feel lonely sometimes?”
He didn't respond right away despite knowing his answer immediately, he was just a little confused on why she cared. Well… He knew but he was also playing dumb just for the sake of professionalism.
“Often.” Alistair admitted after a stretched out second. He crossed his own arms as if guarding himself. She notices the hint of sadness in his eyes and she looks away for a moment.
“Even when you are surrounded by people?
“Often” Alistair repeated, sentiment staying the same. It was true, and the most simple way to explain how it felt. Liz pauses once again, contemplating whether or not she should say what she wants to say next. Deciding it wouldn't hurt, shooting her shot.
“Do you ever feel lonely when I am here?”
Alistair paused, “I shouldn't answer that.”
“Why not?”
“My answer wouldn't be very professional.”
There was hurt behind her eyes at his blatant stubbornness. With a roll of her eyes, she leaned on his desk again. Opening the lab coat on purpose, just for him. “You know, you can be more than just professional with me. I won’t tell anyone.” She blinked her eyelashes at him.
“I'm not worried about you.” Alistair’s fist unconsciously clenched on the desk while he glanced at his office door as if it explained all his anxieties about speaking his mind. Out loud. Even in the safety of his office, that door was always revolving.
“I know. But,” Liz stepped closer, almost between his open legs, gaining his attention once more. “My question still stands.”
“No.” He found himself answering a little too fast, his eyes flickering to find hers. Following her figure before finding them. He smiled, he was being genuine. He could never be alone with her. She in turn stared into his eyes for a second, her warm smile never fading. She stays close to him, the heat from his close proximity was comforting. He didn't stand to meet her, closing the gap. In fact he liked the power she held over him. Every goddess deserved an admirer and this fact didn't go unnoticed by her. She also enjoyed the power imbalance between them. It was empowering.
“Do I make you nervous, Brigadier?” Liz inched closer. Leaning forward over him. He desperately needed to consider choosing his next words wisely but he kind of just short circuited. Losing the moment and falling back on what he knew.
“Not nervous in the usual sense. More like... You make me question my sanity at the best of times.” Alistair offered, only now noticing he lost the moment. His neck seemed to change to a shade of red due to the embarrassment. In response Liz's eyebrows raised in amusement and she couldn't help but giggle at this fumble, not blaming him one bit.
“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” She humoured him, standing back up. Not minding the shift. It amused her in the best way.
“Good. Sometimes. But good regardless.” He waved off the air as an apology, wanting to move from the accident, but she would rather drag him along with it.
“I can't decide if you're an enigma or just simply confusing.” She tilts her head to one side, a soft and enchanting laugh escapes with the comment. He absolutely loved the way she laughed, he would make her laugh every moment he could if given the chance.
“Both?”
“I think that sums you up very neatly.” Liz's smile brightened.
“A confusing enigma or a confused enigma?” He leaned forward in his chair, suddenly intrigued with their current conversation. She simply looked at him with a humours expression.
“I would go with a confusing enigma. You do have some mysterious traits, but you are always a bit difficult to understand.”
“Isn't that intriguing? Doctor?” He teased by using her official title, and she beamed at him. That alone just made his day. She could simply look at him a certain way and he'd just instantly feel better.
“It certainly is. You keep me on my toes, Brigadier. Just when I think I have you figured out, you throw me a curved ball and I’m questioning everything all over again.” Alistair finally stood and tapped her forehead with the knuckles of two fingers as if it was hollow. Though it was more of an encouragement than an insult.
“I have no doubt you will figure it out sooner rather than later.” Liz seemed offended and touched her forehead but the glee radiating off her told another story. She quickly melted into a mess of giggles, finding it as an excuse to bring herself closer to him.
"I do hope so. I find that those who are most mysterious tend to have the most hidden depths. Who knows what I will find when I finally do figure you out?” She softly bit her lip hoping he would open up but he looked sad. His expression dropped slightly, his own truths saddened him. He glanced out the window and noticed it was getting dark.
“Shall I take you home, Miss Shaw?” He offered, changing the subject. Not wanting to expose anything at the moment, he was far too happy with her to curse that joy with sadness. She got the hint and nodded understanding.
“That would be lovely, Brigadier.” He stepped away, putting space between them and grabbed his bag from a drawer in his desk and opened his office door for her, mostly out of habit. She teased him for it.
“Thank you, Brigadier. I’m not sure what I would do without a gentleman like yourself to hold open doors for me.”
“It's only proper.” He turned and locked his office door with a click and walked her out to the parking lot, stopping a second. Like he completely forgot something important. She looked at him with an expectant look.
“Are you planning on walking me to my car?”
“Err. Yes. I just…” He patted his uniform down a second and found his car keys, different from his job keys, tossing it at the outer patrol guard. “Not a scratch or I will personally demote you to lavatory boy.” The boy fumbled with the catch, yet they didn't hit the ground to Liz's amusement. She waved and the boy simply saluted his superior officer. Understanding the seriousness of the message. Alistair simply rolled his eyes and sighed heavily, continuing to walk her to her car, keeping a respectful distance between them to her disappointment. She wanted to be close to him. Still, when they reached the car she hopped into the driver's side and opened the passenger door from inside.
“Aren't you getting in?” He simply frowned, looking in through the door at her, bending down to see her.
“Shouldn't I drive? I was... Taking you home?”
“That is rather sweet, but I am perfectly capable of driving, get in.” Liz smiled, the little devil. She started the car, daring him to get in or leave. He decided to join her however awkward it made him feel. Not that she was driving, his Mum always drove his siblings around but not it just felt like he was being taken to her house instead of the alternative. Naturally she doesn't pick up on his nervousness, checking the mirrors and all. Soon they were off
“The ride shouldn’t take very long from here.” They drove in uncomfortable silence for a while, a few miles past HQ. Now seemed like the perfect time to ask a very important question to their… Fraternizing.
“Do you think you could find yourself marrying someone and starting a family?” It was an innocent enough question, she wanted to know his opinions on the topic, what he was open to but the atmosphere of the car dropped several degrees. She sneaked a glance at him and found him brooding. That definitely made her feel bad for even asking.
“I'm sorry that was perso–” Alister promptly cut her off.
“No. Not your fault. It's in your right to know.” He looks out the window, watching the scenery pass by. “I'm married. I have a daughter, Kate. She's three.” His words surprise her and she has to suppress her shock at this piece of information he just dropped.
“Your... daughter?” This was not what she meant by finding out his secrets. She was hurt. Not because he was lying but because he led her on. Instead she focused on the other bombshell. He found himself looking back at her, guilty, like he was sentenced to prison for life.
“Yes.” Alistair whispered between the deafening silence in the car. She tries not to betray her surprise and instead she smiles softly at him. Really not wanting to make him feel any worse even if she did.
“Does she look like you?”
“More and more every day.” He couldn't meet her eyes. hands desperately grip his bag, he closed his eyes in despair. She didn't deserve this kind of torment. Yes she was bound to find out sooner rather than later but… Not this early. She noticed. No longer pretending it was okay.
“Alistair, are you alright?”
“Im alright.” He lied, wiping a stray tear from his face. She stares at him with a concerned look on her face. He needed to calm himself first. He looked up at her, flushed with anguish. He really didn't want to explain it right now but the words just poured out.
“Fiona... We are separated, she took Kate. She wants a divorce. The house. My daughter.” Her expression grows sympathetic, feeling bad for him. Now she understood, he was just as guilty as she was. He wasn't leading her on, he was coping in his own way even if the divorce wasn't finalized.
“I'm so sorry to hear that. How long has it been since you’ve seen Kate?”
“...two months. Just after you joined us.” Alistair’s voice broke. He missed his daughter, his little Katie. Liz's face softens even more, as she sees the clear sadness that his situation fills him with. She really shouldn't be pushing but she also deserved answers. He's been open with her so far. Slowly, she pulled off onto the side of the road, now allowing herself to give him her full attention.
“Did your wife give you any reason why she wanted a divorce and to take your child?” He only scoffed. Not at the question, not at her either but the entire situation. His situation. He could only see the court documents again. All the reasons.
“Need a list?” He seemed hostile, but not at Liz. Just needed an outlet and she just happened to be in the car with him. She definitely noticed the hostility and tried not to show her flinch at it. Instead she sits back in the seat, just watching him. Letting him go through the emotions. She softly turned to him,
“I only want one answer. Is there any way that, perhaps, you could find a way to convince her to give you custody of your daughter?”
“No.” It was rather fast, he's convinced himself of it. “Because she's right... She's always right. I just want to see her. That's all but Im... I'm not–” He almost breaks down entirely but holds it together out of pride and principle.
“I'm not-- an active parent. In her life. Liz... I missed her first words because Aliens were coming out of the sewers.” He covered his face with his hands, trying to cover himself up. The shame was too much for him and her heart breaks for him. As much as she knew how important work was to him, she also understood he wanted to be a father to his child. She reaches over and takes his hands, moving them away from his face, trying to comfort him.
“Just because you weren’t there for her first words, doesn’t mean she doesn’t need you in her life. And you can’t blame yourself for a bad situation. You didn’t know aliens were coming out of the sewers. And you weren’t home because you were protecting her from the dangers in your line of work.”
“That's not the point. I wasn't there!” His anger spikes once more, he didn't want to scare her, only punish himself with words. She did flinch away this time from his reaction, the glare in his eyes weren't softened by the tears threatening to fall. She still places her hand on his face.
“She will always need you at some point. Even if you weren’t there to hear her first word, you will still be her father. The one she can run to in her darkest and saddest moments. Even if she won’t see you everyday, she still loves you.”
“She doesn't even know who I am.” Alistair was so sad, he looked like a kick puppy. A stark difference from the stoic hero he is usually seen as. She shushed him slightly as tears started to fall down his face. Her heart breaks seeing him cry in such anguish. He felt guilty for something she didn’t even blame him for. She kissed his tears away in the purest form of comfort. She was no longer upset with him.
“My dear Alistair, I promise you, your daughter still loves you. She needs you, even if she doesn’t understand who you are right now. You need to give yourself a break.” His eyes drifted away, letting her move his direction. He bit the side of his lip as she kissed his tears away. He carefully, as gentle as one could be and moved her slightly so he could properly kiss her. It was wet and a bit desperate but well meaning. Seeking satisfaction from her in an act of desperation. Liz's eyes widened slightly from the surprise, but she didn’t pull away. But the feeling of his embrace and this unexpected kiss made her feel both relieved and conflicted. She had always considered him this strong, unbreakable soldier. But there was a whole other side to him that she had rarely seen. A side that she had wanted to see for a while but never got the opportunity to see in full, so when it was given to her now, she was a bit dumbfounded.
Alistair moved forward more, getting more desperate with his actions upon her lips. Hands on her, trying to pull her across the car, into him. Just to hold her against him. His actions surprised and scared her in equal measure. She felt his hand’s grip on her and his need for her lips but she didn’t want to give into him so suddenly. Though, her mind was having an argument between the rational and irrational sides in her head. Rational part tried to get her to pull away, but her irrational part was curious what would happen if she didn’t. She let him pull her closer, keeping her lips pressed to his, and her eyes slightly opened. All she could think about was her mind was yelling at her ‘What are you doing?! He’s your superior officer. This could get you into trouble!’ But the other half of her mind was telling her ‘Relax a little, this is fun…’ But he pulled away instead.
Liz snapped out of her internal argument and pulled away from him, now looking out the window. She couldn’t look at him for too long or else she would lose her train of thought and her resolve to resist would falter. Her mind was now in a struggle between wanting him and wanting to maintain order and decorum. The feeling of his grip had made her feel a strong desire to let loose, to let herself lose control in his arms. He let her move away, his touches quickly removing themselves as he regained control of himself.
“I'm so sorry... That was inappropriate of me. I should–”Alistair apologized promptly and went to open the car door but she grabbed his hand before he could reach the door handle completely.
“I... I should apologize as well. I should’ve stopped you sooner.” Liz looked at him, feeling embarrassed but strangely, she felt no regret for what just happened. If anything it was a mutual reaction but she knew his pride was bruised. He looked at her, his usual blank expression finding its way back onto his face. He silently moved away from the door and back into his seat.
“I'm sorry.” He said regardless, being genuine for putting her in the situation in the first place was very inappropriate of him. Not only because he was her boss but because he was a gentleman. Her gaze never faltered from him. They were alone in the car and she felt a strong desire for more. She just took the time to enjoy their time alone in the car, the warm feeling of his earlier kiss still lingering on her lips. She licked the taste of him off them, and opened them to speak.
“I was just caught off guard.” She said finally, but she was still having trouble suppressing the feeling of wanting more. Alistair was silent for a long time. Lost in thought and guilt for his involuntary actions. Only moving to clear his eyes, he stopped crying earlier. Still managing to look incredibly sad with that blank look.
“We should get you home.” The only thing he muttered, not saying anything else about their recent engagement, Her eyes widened a bit at his comment, but she nodded silently and tried to return to as much of a normal state as she could. She started the car once again, getting lost in the scenery for a second, the sudden silence made her miss their earlier conversation. They both felt very alone in each other's company for once. She was starting to come to her senses, realizing what had just happened. For the rest of the drive, he stayed silent. Looking outside, instead of at her. Still he couldn't help but lick at the taste she left on his lips. In addition to silence, she also had trouble suppressing her grin. She felt like a schoolgirl who had just made out with her crush as her hands grip the steering wheel somewhat harder. At the same time, her mind was telling herself that she was acting very unprofessional.
The brief drive was coming to an end as they pulled up to her apartment building, mentioning something about arriving. Liz's face shows a bit more excitement than it should. Alistair finally turned to her, a naturally sad expression now adoring his face. He nodded softly, acknowledging that much. He hopped out of the car and quickly went to open her door. It was the least he could do after all. She noticed how quick he hopped into action, eager to get that door opened. She felt a little bit of guilt creep up as she stepped out of the car after him. His kindness and gentlemanly behavior was only making it harder for her to maintain her professionalism. In fact, she was starting to feel something other than professional when it came to him.
“Goodnight, Miss Shaw.” He sounded tired and looked away, waiting for her to leave so he could watch her make it home safe. Before she walks inside, she stops for a second and looks over her shoulder at him.
“If you want, you could come in, you know. We don’t even have to talk. We could just sit for a while. I’m sure you’d love to tell me more about your daughter.” She really did want to spend more time with him, alone in her apartment. In turn he pursed his lips together, debating on what to say. Instead he offered an awkward wave.
“Not tonight... Next time.” He tried to be as nice as possible. He didn't trust himself or his feelings about being invited in. If it was any other day he would have accepted but not now, and she can’t help but feel disappointed. She was hoping to talk more with him about himself. Though, her feelings of disappointment were replaced by a feeling of relief soon after, as she realized how dangerous an offer that actually was. She had been resisting his earlier charm and the thought of being alone with him in her apartment for such a long time would cause her to lose all resistance.
“Alright. Goodnight, Brigadier.” It was soft with a sad smile, he could barely hear it, and she went up to her apartment.
“Goodnight.” He sadly watched her leave. Waiting around to watch a light turn on. He let out a breath and walked down the street, now he had to figure out how to get himself back home. When he was just a few feet out of sight from her apartment, she shut the lights off inside. She didn’t want to let that evening end and felt a strong compulsion to call him and ask him to come back. While she lay in bed later on in the night, she couldn't help but replay her moments with the Brigadier in her mind. Over and over again she thought about his lips pressed against hers. She was thinking about him and all the things she could've done with him in her apartment if she had just let him come in and stay. She shook her head and rolled over, trying to distract herself from these thoughts, trying to tell herself that she did the right thing.