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Regarding Natsuki Subaru, Ram had many thoughts. He was useless, informal, and an all around pervert.
That’s what she always said verbally, at least.
Subaru was a unique man. He was a fool, naive to a fault, yet unmistakably kind. He was a man of good timing, having accomplished so many things in such little time, all for the sake of others.
Ram made a habit of demeaning him, seeming unimpressed by anything that he did. It was playful banter at best, just to ensure that he never got too full of himself.
She thought that it was a necessary evil. With everybody constantly singing his praises, she believed that some discouragement could do him some good.
But was that really true?
When Ram looked at Subaru, her gaze would narrow into a critical stare. No matter how much she observed him, she couldn’t unsee the pain behind his eyes.
Behind her harsh-looking gaze lay a deep concern.
Subaru made a habit of visiting [Rem] every single day. Ram didn’t know what to make of it at first.
As a part of her became suspicious, she began to hide and watch. Shockingly, each and every time, Subaru would hold [Rem]’s hand and simply talk to her.
The pain and regret in his voice was unmistakable. All Ram could hear were the pleas of a broken man.
Subaru’s laugh and smile in the presence of others was nothing but a mask. Ram could see straight through it.
He seemed detached from the world around him. It was as though his head was always in the clouds.
One night, she witnessed his trauma firsthand. Ram knew that she wasn’t supposed to be there, yet she couldn’t move. She was stunned, unable to properly think.
She would never forget his screams.
When it finally stopped, Ram remained still. Only when Beatrice exited the room did she snap out of her stupor.
The Great Spirit looked exhausted and noticeably saddened. Those expressions were unbecoming of her, yet Beatrice still fixed Ram with a piercing glare.
“What are you doing here?” Beatrice asked. “This is no place for you to be, in fact.”
Ram steeled her expression. “What was all of that, Beatrice-sama?”
Beatrice looked displeased at being ignored, but eventually sighed. Her eyes glanced toward the bedroom door, her expression adorning a look of sadness and pity. Without directly answering the question, she muttered, “Betty just wishes to understand his pain.”
Lost for words, Ram only looked at the door, too. It seemed that not even Beatrice, Subaru’s closest companion, knew what was going on.
In the wake of Subaru’s nightmares, Ram knew that something had rooted itself into the depths of his mind and soul. A deep wound that never healed.
What could he have possibly seen? What could he have possibly experienced? It didn’t make sense to her.
Subaru had many accomplishments under his belt. Saving the village, defeating the Whale, slaying Sloth, defeating the Rabbit, and even contracting Beatrice. To Ram’s memory, nothing truly scarring had occurred during those events. To her, nothing could have traumatized him to such an extent.
Nevertheless, she was not naive. She knew that, ever since day one, his mentality has only plummeted.
What could it possibly be? Could it have something to do with [Rem]?
She couldn’t discern for certain. At the very least, she knew that something was very wrong. The answer laid right below her nose, yet she was unable to look down and see it.
Ram didn’t know how she ended up at his bedside one night. Perhaps she just needed to see him up close for herself. Either way, a part of her felt oddly unnerved by his troubled face.
Beatrice woke up after a while. It was inevitable, and Ram expected to be told off, but something stopped Beatrice before she could utter a single word.
“Rem?”
Subaru grabbed Ram’s arm, his grip firm and secure, unwilling to let go. She wanted to instinctively pull her arm away, but after hearing her sister’s name, Ram could only freeze.
She wanted to respond, to refute Subaru’s words, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Instead, she looked down at him, staring into his groggy expression with uncharacteristic anxiousness.
Beatrice glared at her like she was committing a heinous crime. Ram couldn’t help but agree with the sentiment.
Suddenly, Subaru pulled on her with surprising strength. She fell into the bed as he started to snuggle her.
Ram felt momentarily disgusted. She wanted to pull away and vigorously shout denial of Subaru’s earlier words, but the will for those actions never surfaced.
Beatrice held her tongue as Subaru’s expression changed. He looked mournful and guilty as he whimpered a whisper, “I’m sorry.”
Taken aback by his words, Ram’s mind turned blank. She didn’t know what to think.
Was [Rem]’s condition his fault? Did he do something to her? Those thoughts alone made her want to lash out.
Logic overpowered her irrationality. She thought more through her sisterly instincts, realizing that Subaru was incapable of doing something so odious.
Subaru didn’t have the heart to let someone get hurt. Ram knew that.
Even if he blamed himself, Gluttony was the one to blame, not Subaru.
As he drifted off to sleep again, Ram stayed awake, trapped in his embrace. Beatrice reluctantly accepted the circumstances, unwilling to fight against her contractor’s wishes. As such, she wrapped herself around his backside, curling into him and falling asleep soon after.
Ram was left with her thoughts. She could only observe his sleeping face, watching as it shifted into something more peaceful. For once, he seemed content. It was as though holding her brought him some form of comfort.
She couldn’t look away. For some reason, she became enthralled by him.
Subaru didn’t look half bad when he was genuinely happy. For that reason, Ram didn’t want his current expression to go away.
Ram found herself carefully and hesitantly returning his embrace. She felt embarrassed going through the motions. As they settled, however, she realized that their positions were weirdly pleasant.
All of a sudden, Ram didn’t think that this situation was so bad, after all.
Her mind wandered back to Subaru’s words. To her, they were ludicrous. There was truly nothing to forgive.
She would leave before he ever woke up, but perhaps she could indulge him with some affection. Just this once.