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Waking up to the light of a broken screen at a time past midnight was a regular occurrence for Karkat. The bright, white lights of his laptop screen he uses to listen to white noise or rain sounds to fall asleep better. He feels like without it, he couldn’t fall asleep at all. He remembers when he smashed his fit into the screen that one time, now he has to squint his eyes at the broken, split up text on his screen as he looks up rain sounds ten hours in a search bar. But maybe it was a metaphor, how his life was falling apart. Cracks in the screen playing in front of him, more and more growing and peeling off, seconds away from completely shattering into a million pieces that could never be fixed. But Karkat didn’t like thinking of his life in that way, even if it was how it truly was.
Maybe it was the crippling insecurities. Those broken mirrors he’s punched because he spent too long looking at himself. The shattered pieces still on the floor, his broken reflection shown when he accidentally glances at them. It’s a mess he’s yet to clean up, he doesn't think he ever will. Because he was afraid that a shard would show him his reflection, and he’d end up with bloody hands full of cuts again. He didn’t want to go down that dark path, it’s already a repeating pattern he was plagued with.
People come over wondering why he didn’t have any mirrors. Entering a bathroom was quite unsettling without one, and the question always came up. So he just stopped having people enter his hive after the questions became too much. Now for Karkat he was just that anxiety riddled weirdo that cries when he sees himself in anything, covering his windows with blankets to avoid the accidental glance.
Honestly Karkat doesn’t like to leave his hive. The cozy confinements were all he needed, he could live here for the rest of his miserable life span and he wouldn’t be too upset about it. Even if the years of no troll contact would probably drive him insane, he thinks he’d rather go out that way anyways. It’s what he deserved for being a mutated gutter blood anyways, right?
TC: yOoOoOoO
Karkat always expected that stupid notification sound, and he never needed to look to know who it was. All he had to do was simply look over, and see that it was Gamzee. Gamzee was probably the only person in the whole entire world that actually respected him for who he truly was. And he was probably the only troll at this point that didn’t like the blood color hierarchy, next to the heir.. but no one knows if Karkat would even be alive when she finally stops the blantant troll racism that plagues the broken system. For now, a small (and I mean very small) number of trolls are against the system. Gamzee being one, but no one would know. Hell, it’d probably get you killed.
Gamzee wasn’t too afraid of it, though. Death was just an overlooming process that is happening right now in your life that you don’t even know. You’re dying slowly through your years of being alive, and the only thing keeping you alive right now is miracles. At least that’s what Gamzee would say, according to Karkats memories.
Karkat made his way to his computer, and typed back a response quickly.
CG: WHAT DO YOU WANT
TC: yOuR uNdYiNg aTtEntIoN
CG: FOR WHAT
TC: yOu hAvEnT bEeN tAlKiNg tO mE mAn. I'm TrYnA mAkE sUre yOuRe oK.
TC: cOmE oVeR tO mY pLaCe?
Karkat stared at the pixels on his screen, Gamzee was the only one to ask him to get out of his house to hang out. Karkat in a way knew it was only to keep him from rotting away, but in another stance it was Gamzee genuinely wanting to see Karkats face. Gamzee acted like an idiot half the time with his too laid back, sleepy personality and probably drank more Faygo and smoked more faygo infused weed than one should, but he had a caring side to him that no one matched. Hell, man couldn’t stop talking about miracles anyways. Karkat could never tell if he hated it or loved it.
But he was a secret genius. And Karkat knew it, and Gamzee always pulled things like this to specifically address Karkat and his rotting in bed activities. Gamzee truly couldn’t be ignored.
CG: NO
CG: I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU
TC: iM aT yOuR bEdRoOm dOoR
Knock knock knock!
Karkat looked over with wide eyes, could he really be..? He ran to the door, and pulled it open. And what do ya know? Gamzee stood there, so tall he needed to duck to walk through the doorway. He held his laptop under his armpit, and his hair was messier than usual. But at least his face paint was spot on!
“What the fucking fuck!” Karkat huffed, hands balls into fists. “You can’t just break into my hive like a psychopath!”
“You love it and you know it.” Gamzee itched his side, and then quickly scooped Karkat up and over his shoulder. “I’m not gonna let you rot, motherfucker.”
Karkat whined, kicking his legs. “Dude! Put me down!” He spat, like yelling would do anything to Gamzee.
“Womp womp,” Gamzee yawned, “I have that stupid romance you like. The one where they kiss in the rain.”
Karkat paused for a second, he did actually want to watch that again. Maybe he’ll calm down just once. “Fucking… fine.”
Upon making it to Gamzee’s hive, he threw Karkat onto the couch and handed him a bottle of Faygo. Karkat took it, and stared at the radioactive looking substance that was in the colorful bottle. “Why do you drink this shit?” He unscrewed the cap of the cap with a quick crack and took a quick but small sip of the pop, face scrunching at the fizz.
“It’s Subjugglator juice bro,” Gamzee laughed, “you should really loosen up.” He sat down next to Karkat, grabbing his TV remote and turning it on.
Karkat stayed a good arms lengths apart from Gamzee, staring at the bright red liquid in his bottle. Gamzee clicked on the movie, it was a cringey troll romance movie about two lowbloods trying to make it in the world. Karkat cried to it the first three hundred forty eight times he watched it.
Gamzee was already on his tenth bottle of Faygo before Karkat was done with his first, and the movie was only fifteen minutes in. They were still a good arms length away from each other, but Karkat felt lonely sitting like this. But he didn’t want to scoot over to Gamzee, being way too nervous to find safety in his arms. He felt like he could die sitting like this, though.
“What color is that guys blood again?” Gamzee pointed to the screen, turning his head to look at Karkat.
Karkat glanced at Gamzee, then at the screen again. “He’s orange blooded.” He said.
“What’s the other dudes?” Gamzee asked.
“Red,” Karkat sighed, “don't you pay any attention?”
“I do you motherfucker!” Gamzee laughed, pulling Karkat close by the sleeve of his sweater, and wrapping his skinny arm around him. “The red blood is you! She’s got similar nubs like you.”
“Nubs?” Karkat scowled, “Fuck you!” He was so mad at that? He didn’t even realize he was cuddled up with Gamzee. And when Gamzee was giving his creepy clown laugh, that’s when Karkat realized. And he froze, but didn’t move. He didn’t want to move.
So right now he wouldn’t.
“You’ve got cute nubs,” Gamzee said, “don’t know why you hate them so much.”
“Because!” Karkat groaned, face going a bit red, “They’re really embarrassing. You got these huge sharp ones!”
“Blah blah blah.” Gamzee waved his hand around, leaning his body weight on Karkat. “There’s a lot of trolls with small horns, man. Just be glad they’re not big enough to cover your eyes, weigh your head down, or like make your life harder. Size matters when it comes to your damn horns!”
Karkat was quiet, and just huffed. He crossed his arms, and didn’t say anything. But that did boost his confidence a lot, Gamzee knew it too. Gamzee always knew how to make Karkat feel better about any part of his body or personality. Karkat felt as if he could kiss him sometimes.
The movie went along, Karkat was enjoying it more than Gamzee. But that didn’t mean Gamzee wasn’t liking it.
“There’s no she’s being wooed by that yellow blooded bitch!” Karkat yelled at the TV, “You’re not good enough for her! Savrok gave you so much!”
“Who the fuck is Savrok,” Gamzee asked, staring aimlessly at the screen, “Is he the dude.”
Karkat stared at Gamzee, “You need to pay attention!” He said, and leaned into his shoulder. He felt more comfortable now, and it was pretty late at night now. Three in the morning, to be exact.
He usually wasn’t the type to stay up with someone till one, two or even three. Usually if he did, he’d end up going home and crying himself to sleep like always. His brain would trick him into thinking his happiness was a figment of his imagination, simply only a dream. He’d go on with his days like normal, miserable and sad. And he could truly never fix it.
“I am!” Gamzee groaned, laying flat on the couch and bringing Karkat down with him.
Karkat laid flat on top of Gamzee, “You’re an ass,” he said, “I hope you burn.”
“Too far.” Gamzee whispered, he was sleepy.
Karkat was wide awake, though. Now he was just getting sad. Thinking about this whole thing, he should be at his hive. “I should go home.”
“No you don’t,” Gamzee said, arms wrapped around Karkat, “you’re sleepy.”
“Gamzee,” Karkat whined, “I’m not tired, I want to go home right now.”
“You got sad again, I can read you.” Gamzee rolled his eyes and rubbed Karkats back soothingly. “Sleep with me.”
Karkat frowned, “Like-” he was cut off.
“Normal sleep, douchebag.” Gamzee smiled, “please? You need it.”
He was quiet. Gamzee’s never done this with him before. He usually let him leave, and checked up on him the next morning. Maybe something changed, and Gamzee wanted Karkat to really just stay. Karkat didn’t argue, maybe he wanted to stay here and sleep on top of Gamzee, all comfortable and cozy. The TV playing the movie is becoming white noise in the background.
“You can sleepwalk away with me,” Gamzee said through his exhaustion, eyes closed.
“What the fuck does that even mean?” Karkat asked, and couldn’t help but laugh at that. Gamzee always said some backwards, strange shit all the time. But Karkat didn’t mind.
“Don’t even think about it motherfucker, just sleep.” Gamzee rolled onto his side so Karkat was cuddled in between him and the couch, and Karkat sighed.
He wasn’t really that tired now that he thinks about it. But maybe this unexpected turn of events was all life was about, and that was what he wanted. In Gamzee’s sleepy knowledge, all he could do is sleepwalk away with him.