Work Text:
Ranpo has been turned into a cat.
A black cat with closed eyes sits on top of Ranpo’s table, yawning as the entirety of the Agency stands around the desk; such is the scene that Atsushi sees when he arrives at the Agency.
“Ah, Atsushi! You’re finally here,” Dazai points at the black cat on Ranpo’s table, “Say hello to Ranpo-san!”
“Huh?” Atsushi walks closer to the cat, cautious as he does. "Is this another one of your jokes, Dazai-san?”
Next to Dazai, Kunikida pushes his glasses up and sighs, “No, unfortunately, Dazai is not joking for once. Ranpo-san has indeed been turned into a cat by an ability.”
Atsushi watches the cat—Ranpo—and asks the obvious: “Why don’t we just have Dazai-san nullify it?”
“Wow, what a genius, Atsushi,” Yosano says, her arms crossed and teasing sarcasm dripping from her words. “Why haven’t we thought about that? Go on, Dazai, do your thing.”
With a beaming smile, Dazai moves toward Ranpo. “Of course! Allow me to bring our master detective back in 3…2…1—” Seconds before Dazai’s hand touches Ranpo, Ranpo's cat ears twitch, and he jumps off the table, putting himself a good distance away from Dazai.
Oh. Atsushi sees now.
“Ranpo-san avoids Dazai-san’s approach every time Dazai-san tries,” Tanizaki pipes up beside Atsushi, “We don’t know why, but Ranpo-san just wouldn’t let Dazai-san touch him to turn him back.”
Atsushi doesn’t know how to reply to that.
Instead, a strong desire to pet the now-cat Ranpo shifts Atsushi’s attention to the twin-tailed girl next to Yosano. Kyouka stares intently at the cat Ranpo, and upon noticing Kyouka’s intense gaze, Ranpo walks over and angles his head at her. Her expression remains unchanged, but she visibly becomes happier as she kneels down to pet Ranpo, who also seems to be enjoying himself as he steps closer into Kyouka’s petting hand.
“But everyone else can touch him with no problems,” Tanizaki adds. “Would you like to try? Ranpo-san really feels no different from an actual cat.”
“May…maybe not…” Atsushi doesn’t know if that tiptoes the line of being respectful towards Ranpo. Who knows, maybe that will turn into an extra excuse to make him run more random errands.
“How truly ungrateful of you, Atsushi,” somehow manifesting a tissue in his hands, Dazai wipes away the fake tears on his face. “Some of us can’t even touch the rare once-in-a-lifetime cat version of Ranpo-san!”
Ignoring Dazai, Atsushi decides to ask the other big question in the room. “Does the President know?”
“Yes, I am aware of the situation.” The other Agency members step aside as Fukuzawa makes his entrance.
At the sight of Fukuzawa, Ranpo abandons Kyouka’s petting hand and jumps straight into Fukuzawa’s arms, who catches him with ease. “Ranpo,” the President calls, as if confirming the cat’s identity.
Ranpo meows in reply. Fukuzawa shares a look with Ranpo of some sort of understanding that Atsushi can’t read.
“I trust that Ranpo must have his reasons for this. But for now, leaving him alone in this state is not ideal,” Fukuzawa finalizes. “Is anyone available to look after him for today?”
Kunikida pulls out a planner—where did he pull that from?—flips through it, and starts to mumble. “Yosano has to attend an out-of-office care appointment, Kenji has to attend his weekly farming lessons with the gangs, the President has meetings with some government officials, Tanizaki…is bound with Naomi, Dazai hasn’t finished even one paperwork for the day yet, Kyouka is much too young alone…”
Finally, Kunikida moves his gaze up from his planner and directly at Atsushi. “Atsushi, can you take up the role for today? Everyone is booked, but—and correct me if I’m wrong—I don’t think you have any urgent cases to take care of today?”
Atsushi holds his hands up. “Wait—”
“Atsushi-san is a tiger, right? I’m sure he has more experience than we do in taking care of cats,” Kenji chips in with an encouraging smile. “You can do this, Atsushi-san!”
So, what else can Atsushi say to Kenji’s sparkling eyes full of respect and a room full of expectant gazes?
“I…” Atsushi sighs in defeat, “Alright…”
“Thank you, Atsushi,” Fukuzawa nods, his arms holding Ranpo completely still. Ranpo rubs his small fluffy head against the elder’s arms, even tugging at it with his paws.
Atsushi doesn’t know if he should say something about it to Fukuzawa, and luckily, Yosano saves him from the mental debate.
“President,” Yosano speaks up. “You can pet him. Ranpo has been practically pleading for you to touch him.”
As if he is waiting to be given the green light, Fukuzawa hesitantly starts to pet Ranpo. The result is Ranpo’s content purrs and Fukuzawa with a rare lighthearted aura.
That is until he takes out a small dried fish and offers it to Ranpo.
Yosano couldn't contain her laughter as she watches Fukuzawa offer the dried fish to Ranpo, only to have it slapped away with a paw and met with an offended meow. "Well, it seems that even as a cat, Ranpo-san has some strong opinions about his food choices.”
Fukuzawa sulks, looking even more dejected when Ranpo jumps out of his arms.
Meanwhile, Kunikida and Yosano decide to make the most of the situation. With a shared glance between the two, Yosano catches Ranpo while Kunikida uses his ability to create a miniature cat version of Ranpo’s usual outfit and a tiny butterfly clip for the hat, mimicking the one Yosano wears. Together, they dress up the feline detective. Surprisingly, Ranpo is cooperative throughout the process, most likely amused by the whole situation.
That was not the end of it all. While Kunikida helps Ranpo into the mini detective outfit, Ranpo starts batting at Kunikida’s ponytail with his paws, trying to catch it. Atsushi tries to make sense of it—perhaps it is the nature of being a cat taking over? It doesn’t take long for Kunikida's patience to wear thin, and he places the dressed Ranpo into Atsushi’s hands. “How about you take Ranpo-san for a walk? Since Ranpo-san is a cat now, surely he gets bored in the office today. I trust that you will keep Ranpo-san well-protected.”
Just like that, without losing another second, one person and one cat—well, technically two cats in a way—are politely pushed out of the Agency’s building, with the door closing shut behind them with a thump.
-
As if it's just their luck, it doesn’t take too long on their stroll before they encounter none other than Fyodor Dostoevsky. His eyes sparkle with intrigue as he observes the small cat that is unmistakably Ranpo. “How interesting, it seems the detective has been turned into a cat.”
Ranpo, however, isn't in the mood for pleasantries. When Fyodor attempts to pet him, the tiny cat detective bites his hand, drawing blood. Fyodor steps back, his hand clasped to his wounded palm. “Now that is definitely quite a savage way of greeting people,” he chuckles.
“What do you want now—” Atsushi holds Ranpo away from Fyodor, taking a defensive position. Yet before he can question the man any further, the Russian man…just…collapses? The amused expression never drops from Fyodor’s face even as the blood from where Ranpo bit him flows freely.
Atsushi, witnessing the unusual turn of events, mutters under his breath, "I've heard that he's anemic…but, that was all it took?"
Ranpo meows, quite pleased at what he did.
Still, out of safety concerns, Atsushi and Ranpo make a swift exit, leaving Fyodor on the ground with his bleeding hand. Of course, that's after Atsushi nudges the unconscious man to the side of the walkway so as not to disturb the walking traffic.
-
Their stroll eventually leads them to a park. By then, it's only afternoon, with a clear blue sky and a bright sun hanging—a perfect weather for a visit to the park.
“Isn’t that Poe-san?” Atsushi remarks, spotting a familiar figure. Ranpo perks up in his arms, his head turning in the direction where Poe is. In a short distance, Poe is also taking a walk through the park, accompanied by his dear raccoon, Karl.
“Maybe we shouldn’t go and disturb their time?” Atsushi suggests to the clearly interested detective. Last time he checked, Poe is quite the introverted person, and Atsushi does not want to add awkwardness by showing up with a cat that Poe doesn’t know is Ranpo but is actually Ranpo, and then having to explain that the cat is indeed ranpo, and then staring in even more awkwardness since they don’t even know each other well enough to properly sustain a conversation.
Ranpo, unfortunately, has other plans. Having absolutely no regard for Atsushi’s worries, he springs out of Atsushi's arms and heads straight for Poe, prompting the author to catch him—and the confused author, out of instinct, does. Karl looks at Ranpo with curiosity and caution, his head tilting in contemplation as to why and who is this unknown cat with a familiar scent that suddenly lunged at his owner.
Next thing Atsushi knows, he and Poe are left with a happy Ranpo in Poe's hands, as they (the humans) stare at each other in awkward silence.
“Hello Poe-san,” Atsushi breaks the ice first.
“…Oh yes…yes hello, um,” Poe takes a few more looks at Atsushi, “…forgive me if I’m wrong, Atsushi-kun?”
“Yes!” Atsushi lets out a mental sigh of relief. Okay, they are getting somewhere. Directing the focus back to the cat in Poe’s hands, Atsushi continues, "Poe-san, this is Ranpo. He's been... transformed by an ability. It’s….a story, but in short, he's a cat now.”
Poe blinks in surprise, finally recognizing the cat in his arms. "Ranpo-kun?"
Ranpo responds with an affirmative meow and immediately attempts to reach inside Poe's pocket with his paw.
“Oh, you'd like this chocolate bar, Ranpo-kun?” Poe, as always obliging with Ranpo’s wishes, is about to hand it over when Atsushi intervenes—
"No!” His sudden shout startles both Poe and Karl.
“Poe-san, Ranpo-san is a cat right now. Although I’m not sure if it will affect him since this cat form is an effect of an ability, to be on the safe side Ranpo-san really shouldn’t have that.” Atsushi clasps his hands together apologetically at Ranpo, “Sorry, Ranpo-san, we should be better safe than sorry,”—plus the entirety of the Agency will definitely skin Atsushi alive if anything were to happen to Ranpo. Nope, Atsushi is not about to take any risks today.
“I’m sorry, Ranpo-kun, I didn’t know,” Poe quickly withdraws the candy from Ranpo’s reach. “But rest assured, I will have plenty of sweets prepared the next time you come over. My next draft is getting along quite nicely, so you won’t have to wait much longer.”
Ranpo’s tail flicks, upset by the missed opportunity.
At the same time, Karl, after finally understanding just who the cat was, pounces on the detective cat without another warning.
“Karl?!” Poe exclaims, completely shocked by this sudden action from his usually well-behaved raccoon.
Surprisingly, Ranpo doesn’t react negatively at all. Instead, he picks himself up and shakes the dizziness out from his head before poking a paw at Karl. The raccoon chitters in delight and leads Ranpo ahead to a game of some sort.
“You’re not going to follow them?” Atsushi, who was originally planning to follow along with the two, stops in his tracks once he sees Poe sitting peacefully on a bench.
“I trust Karl and Ranpo-kun, they are smarter than they look,” Poe smiles. “Anyhow, is it alright if I ask why hasn’t Ranpo been turned back yet? If I recall correctly, there is someone with a nullifying ability at the Agency, isn’t there?”
“Yes, that would be Dazai-san,” Atsushi takes a seat next to Poe. “But for some reason, Ranpo-san refused to let Dazai-san turn him back, so we decided that Ranpo-san knows what’s best for himself and let him be.”
“That makes sense; being the world’s best detective would definitely take a toll on anyone, even if they are Ranpo-kun. It’s nice that Ranpo-kun can take this chance to completely unwind without the burden of all the expectations upon a human body.”
Atsushi’s eyes widen at Poe’s comments, and the dots begin to link together. It’s all starting to make sense, from Ranpo’s refusal to be turned back to the exchange of understanding glances with the President. “Yeah,” he watches as Ranpo rolls around with Karl in the field, “you’re right. It is tiring.” Atsushi couldn’t even begin to imagine the constant pressure of what it would be like to be Ranpo for a day. He never gave it any proper thought, but to be the reputation, the main brain of an entire agency—the thought alone of it was scary enough.
Poe reaches for a notepad and a pen from under his cape. Atsushi quiets down to let him write in peace. Well, as much peace as possible from Atsushi anyway. There isn’t much he can do about the sounds from a raccoon and a cat tumbling around them.
After an hour and a half of the two fluffy friends enjoying themselves, Karl carries a tired and sleepy Ranpo back to where Atsushi and Poe are sitting. Atsushi gently picks up the asleep detective from the raccoon’s back. It is time to return to the Agency.
“Thank you, Poe-san. It was nice seeing you today,” Atsushi bows lightly as he could with Ranpo in his arms. “And I apologize for the sudden interruption to your day; you’ve been too kind with Ranpo-san and me.”
“As it was for me,” Poe responds, placing Karl back onto his shoulder. “We both want the best for Ranpo-kun after all. There is no need to thank me.”
Observing the asleep detective in his hands, Atsushi nods. “Goodbye, Poe-san, and Karl too.”
Poe waves with a kind smile. “Goodbye, Atsushi-kun. Goodbye, Ranpo-kun.”
In Atsushi’s arms, Ranpo flips to his other side, making himself comfortable and happily continuing his sleep.
-
Upon a hill, Dazai sits leaning against a large, overgrown tree. The setting sun spills itself over him through the peaks of leaves and branches. With barely any clouds floating in the sky to cover the radiating sun, Dazai reaches up with a hand to idly shade his eyes from the golden rays. His suicide guidebook lays faced down in his lap. In the distance, a black cat wearing a detective outfit walks toward him with all the grace and charm a cat can have, with many sprinkles of skittishness mixed in between.
“Ranpo-san,” Dazai greets the cat with his usual smile. He doesn’t question how Ranpo found him. He doesn’t open his arms to the detective cat.
Ranpo circles him once, twice, then a third time before finally sitting down in front of him.
Closing his book and setting it aside to give Ranpo his complete attention, Dazai starts a one-sided conversation: “How has your day been? Did you have fun? I bet being a cat would be much easier than a human. Did Atsushi do well protecting you today? Ahhh, isn’t it easy for cats to die outside given how small they are? Ranpo-san, you should tell me who and where I can find this ability user. Maybe they can turn me into a cat and I’ll have an easier time dying! Not that it’s possible given my ability, but anything is worth a try, isn’t it—”
“Meow,” Ranpo cuts Dazai off in middle of his rambling.
“But of course,” Dazai snaps back to Ranpo, “what can I do for our number one detective? Perhaps I’ll finally have the honors to pet Ranpo-san today after all?”
Ranpo meows again, waiting.
“I’ll be honored to!” Dazai’s hand touches Ranpo’s fluffy face, but it is merely for half a second before a blinding light beams and engulfs Ranpo’s entire body. Where cat Ranpo was, is replaced by a naked Ranpo instead.
It catches Dazai off-guard, and it is only Ranpo’s tugging of his coat that kicks his brain into action. With cpnsiderable speed, he takes off his trench coat and covers Ranpo up, carrying the elder man in princess-style to head back to the dorms.
“Welcome back Ranpo-san, so about that ability user—”
“Holding your superior naked in your arms while thinking about ways to die is rude,” Ranpo grumbles from where he hides his bright flushed face in the nook of Dazai’s neck.
“Ahaha, my bad, my bad. How was being a cat like then, if you could satisfy my curiosity?”
“Like I am a cat. Stop asking stupid questions and carry me back already! I’m naked!”
“As you wish~ In exchange, please take care of my book well Ranpo san.”
“Hmpfh,” but Ranpo holds an arm down from Dazai’s neck to securely hold the book as they walk into the horizon on the way back home—on a lesser-known route, of course.
-
The door of Fukuzawa’s place opens.
“Ranpo,” a low, firm, and reassuring voice welcomes him in.
Ranpo casually greets back, “President.” He joins Fukuzawa on the ground, not missing the ready-peeled-and-plated tangerines on the table before them.
“Welcome back,” Fukuzawa says, nudging the plate of tangerines towards Ranpo. “Did you have fun?”
Ranpo picks up a piece of fruit from the prepared plate. “Yeah!” Sweet and tanginess take over his tongue; it’s a special form of candy that Fukuzawa prepares just for him.
Taking a slice of tangerine, Ranpo pops it into Fukuzawa’s mouth by surprise, sharing the sweetness between them. And Fukuzawa knows that there’s nothing left to worry about when Ranpo’s smile runs from ear to ear as he says—
“I had lots of fun today!”