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Jared put his hand on the PA's shoulder and patted it gently as she sniffed and wiped briskly at her eyes. "You okay?"
She nodded, not raising her head to meet his eyes.
"He didn't mean it, okay? It wasn't personal."
"Sure fucking felt personal," she muttered, just loud enough for Jared to hear, before she took off across the lot, leaving Jared's hand hanging in the air where her shoulder had been.
Jared turned to look in the opposite direction, the direction in which Jensen had stalked off a minute ago. Jared could see him, leaning against the side of his trailer, shaking a cigarette out of the pack that seemed ever-present these days.
If only there was some supernatural way to go back a couple weeks and undo whatever the hell had gotten Jensen all jacked up, Jared thought he'd pay the price, sacrifice the chicken, whatever. Working with his best friend was supposed to be fun, even when it was hard work, but lately it was about as much fun as those days on the Gilmore Girls set when Lauren and Alexis both had PMS at the same time and he couldn't do anything that didn't piss them off. Unless Jensen was significantly more screwed up than he seemed, PMS clearly wasn't the problem.
But what was? This PA was only the latest victim of Jensen's newly-sharp tongue and hair-trigger temper. Other times, when he wasn't getting pissed off at people who were just asking him to do his job, Jared caught a glimpse of bleak sadness in Jensen's eyes .
And then there were the cigarettes. Jensen had always smoked a little, yeah, but Jared had never seen him go through more than a pack in a week. Now, it seemed like he was burning through a pack a day.
Jared shook his head and walked over to Jensen's trailer. By the time he got there, Jensen had the cigarette lit and pressed between his lips while he scowled at the ground by his feet.
"Dude," Jared said. "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
Jensen inhaled deeply and just stared at Jared while he held the smoke in, taking the cigarette between his fingers. He turned his face away to exhale and then looked back at Jared to answer. "I'm starting to feel like Dean. You know? 'Next time somebody asks me that I start swinging?'"
Jared huffed out a humorless breath. "What, are you threatening me? You wanna have a throw-down?"
Jensen's jaw went tight, the look in his eyes as hard and fragile as glass. "Leave me the hell alone or I might."
Jared shook his head. "Yeah, good luck with that. Because I'm not leaving this alone."
Jensen didn't say anything, just dropped the remainder of his cigarette on the ground and crushed it beneath his shoe before turning and climbing the stairs to his trailer door. The snick of the lock answered for him loud and clear.
~~~
Jensen managed to get through the next couple of days without actually making anybody cry, at least to Jared's knowledge. He pulled himself together every time the cameras rolled and spent most of the rest of the time in his trailer alone. Jared watched him come and watched him go, aching to reach out and touch him--shake some sense into him, pull him into a hug, something to make things better. Not that Jared had any clue what the hell was so wrong.
Friday morning, between takes, Jared looked up from reviewing his lines to see Jensen bent over in the prop chair, fingers pinching hard at the bridge of his nose.
"Jen," Jared whispered, "would you just tell me what's wrong?"
Jensen shook his head, his hand still at his face. "Nothing's wrong."
"You lie like a fuckin' rug."
Jensen sat up then and shot Jared a sharp, shocked glare. "You know, I wish everyone would stop calling me a liar."
Jared wanted to tell him, Then start telling the truth, dumbass, but then the DP finished his setup and they were back to work.
But he had a clue now, or at least some shred of one. "Everyone," Jensen had said. All Jared had to do was figure out who the hell "everyone" was.
~~~
Jensen didn't show up for the flight back to LA that evening, and when Jared checked his messages he found one from Jensen's assistant letting him know that Jensen had decided to stay in Vancouver instead. Like Jensen couldn't even make the call himself. It hurt, a little. Would've hurt worse if Jared weren't sure that all of this craziness had nothing at all to do with him personally.
When he got back to his house, he called up Sandy and begged off dinner. If this shit went on much longer, Jared felt like he was going to end up almost as bad as Jensen--not suitable for polite company. No, fuck that, he had to figure it out. There were only three things that really made sense to Jared.
1) Jensen could be sick or something. Jared felt pretty ill himself, just considering it. He put that aside in his mind as the most distant, unlikely possibility.
2) There could be something wrong with Jensen's family. Like, maybe his parents were getting divorced or his grandma was sick. That kind of thing sucked--hard--but Jensen would get over it eventually. Jared could help.
3) Girl problems. It didn't seem likely, considering he hadn't seen Jensen with a woman in months. Maybe that was the problem? No, Jared couldn't believe that Jensen was capable of a dry spell long enough to drive him this crazy. So there had to be somebody, but why would he go to all the trouble of keeping it a secret? It didn't make any sense.
Jared knelt in front of the cabinet in his living room and opened the bottom drawer, where he had stuffed his Christmas cards the previous month. Jensen's mom had insisted on getting his address for her Christmas card list, and she sent him one of those goofy family newsletters. Mackenzie's starting her last semester at college; our little girl will graduate in MAY. Josh announced at Thanksgiving that we can look forward to a new grandbaby. Jensen's making us all proud and giving us nightmares every week on television. Their phone number was at the bottom. He'd never called them before, but if he didn't know how to charm middle-aged ladies his name wasn't Jared Padalecki.
He dialed the number and smiled when Jensen's mom picked up. "Hi, Mrs. Ackles, this is Jared Padalecki."
"Jared, honey! What a surprise!"
"I hope it's okay for me to call."
"Of course, honey. I hope nothing's wrong?"
"No, not at all," he lied cheerfully between his teeth. "I just wanted to invite y'all to the big barbeque my mama and daddy are planning this summer. It's their 30th anniversary, and we want to get as big a crowd as we can." It wasn't entirely a lie. He hoped like hell his parents didn't mind him inviting more people.
"Well, sure, that sounds nice. Just let me know what day it is, and we'll put it on the calendar."
"Yes ma'am, I'll have my sister send you a real invitation. I just wanted to ask you personally."
"Well, that's sweet. Thank you."
"I'm sorry, you know." Jared struggled to make the segue to his real reason for calling sound natural. "I forgot to ask how y'all are doing. Everything good down there in Richardson?"
"Oh, we're just blessed these days. We had a few things worrying us last year, but now, well, like I said we're blessed." She sounded like she was telling the truth, and as glad as Jared was to hear good news, it blew his best option for figuring out what was wrong with Jensen out of the water.
"That's real good to hear, Mrs. Ackles."
"Oh, you can call me Donna. You sure everything's okay?"
"Yeah, absolutely." Jared lied again. He finished off the call with some more smiling bullshit and hung up, making a mental note to let his parents know about the invitation.
Jared sat back on his sofa, scratching Sadie's head where it rested on his knee, and rubbed his other hand over his face. What next? He thought about calling Chris Kane, but he was pretty sure Jensen had said Chris was spending most of his time back east the last couple months, so Jensen hadn't seen him since filming started back up.
The only person Jared knew Jensen had been spending time with, outside of the cast and crew on set, was Jeff. He was pretty sure Jeff had crashed at Jensen's for a few days when they had that blizzard a couple weeks back. The whole idea of Jensen and Jeff being good friends was kind of weird after that whacked-out scene Jensen had pulled when he was drunk a few months earlier. Shouting something about "fuck Jeff" this and "fuck Jeff" that in the middle of their favorite bar like a crazy person.
It never did make any sense to Jared--Jeff was a nice guy. He wished they got to work with him more, but the lucky bastard suddenly had a feature film career. In any case, maybe Jeff had some idea what was up with Jensen. Jared had put Jeff's number in his phone last year, the night they all went out drinking together and he wanted to make sure they ended up at the same place in case their cars got separated in traffic.
"Hey," Jeff answered on the second ring. "Jared?"
"Yeah. Hey man, I hope I'm not bothering you."
"No." Jeff's voice sounded deeper than usual, but tight, strained. "No. What's going on? Something wrong?"
Jared wondered why he couldn't call anyone without them thinking something was wrong. It was especially frustrating considering he wanted them to tell him what was wrong. "No, just thought I'd call and say hey."
Jeff was silent for a moment before replying quietly. "That's bullshit." Despite the hard words, Jared heard more exhaustion than anger in his voice.
"I--" Jared didn't know what to say next. "What the hell?"
"Is Jensen okay?"
Seriously, what the hell? "I don't know. He seems kind of jacked up. Man, do you have any idea what's going on?"
"He hasn't told you anything?"
"Nothing much beyond 'fuck off.'"
"Shit," Jeff replied quietly.
"Would you tell me--"
"I can't. This is his deal, you're his friend. I'm not--" He broke off, and cleared his throat. "Not involved."
Which was clearly bullshit, but Jeff sounded like he was having enough problems of his own. "Alright, okay. Hey. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, busy. Lots of work." Jeff sounded like what he meant was "lots of Holocaust films on the one channel available in my hotel room" or maybe "lots of cancerous tumors," but Jared didn't feel comfortable with calling him on it.
"Okay, well, sorry for tying you up here, man."
"No, don't worry about it. Take care of yourself, okay?"
"Yeah, you too."
Jared ended the call and dropped the phone next to him on the couch before leaning back and covering his eyes. He had never heard Jeff sound miserable like that. Even when he was working sick in chilly Vancouver. Even at the end of the season when he was putting in long hour on two shows, totally exhausted, he'd sounded happier than he did now. So was it the same thing that was wrong with Jen?
It almost made sense, but not quite. He knew Jensen liked Jeff, so he'd be bummed for sure if the two of them had a falling out. But this? Weeks of acting like he had some kind of fucked-up personality disorder? No way.
That brought Jared back to his original options. It didn't make sense that Jeff would know before anyone else if Jensen was sick or something. So, a woman? Had Jeff stolen Jensen's totally secret girlfriend? And then, what? Lost her himself? Didn't seem likely.
There was no girl. There was just Jensen and Jeff and the two of them were--shit! Jared sat straight up. Jensen and Jeff? It was a totally weird thought, but it made more sense than anything else he'd thought of in the last couple weeks. A break-up, a bad one, but not a girl. Jeff. Holy crap.
Jared groped for his phone and hit the speed-dial for Jensen.
"What?" Jensen sounded pissed off, trailing off the thin end of his patience.
"Is all this about Jeff?"
Jared held his breath through the silence until he realized that Jensen had hung up on him. Fuck me, he thought, it's true.
~~~
Jared stood around waiting for his Saturday morning flight back up to Vancouver, his phone pressed to his ear as he prepared to apologize to Sandy. Again.
He bobbed his head in time to her Fergie ringback tone and smiled when she finally picked up.
"Hey, baby! You on your way over?"
"Next weekend, I swear, I'm going to get us invitations to some kind of premiere, the biggest one I can manage."
"Next weekend?" He could hear the pout in her voice, and he wanted to be in front of her so that he could kiss it off her face.
"I'm sorry. I just--I'm real worried about what's going on with Jensen. I've gotta work this shit out. I've got a flight in like half an hour."
"Okay." It didn't sound anything like 100% okay, but Jared figured he was going to have to take what he could get. "I just miss you."
"I miss you too, baby." Jared dropped his phone back in his pocket and leaned his head back against the wall. Jewelry, maybe. If he couldn't get them some awesome tickets for next weekend, he was going to have to look into jewelry.
~~~
Jared was patient the first couple of times he knocked on Jensen's door. He knew somebody was home, could see lights flickering inside like the TV was on, but he was willing to give Jensen the benefit of the doubt that he was taking a piss or something and just couldn't get to the door right away. After a few minutes, though, he was starting to get cold and annoyed and just a little bit worried in a way he didn't like at all.
He knocked harder then, loud enough that he saw curtains pulled aside in a couple of the neighboring townhouses. "Jensen!"
The door still didn't open, but Jared thought he might have heard movement, footsteps near the door. "Jen," he said in a normal tone, "I still have that key you gave me, so you might as well just let me in."
One long breath, cold air held in his chest, and then he heard the deadlock turn, and the door opened. Jensen's hair was screwed up like he'd been running his hands through it, and his face looked pale over his black t-shirt and sweats. He didn't say anything, just stepped away and pulled the door open far enough for Jared to come through.
"Hey," Jared said, thrown by the odd, uncomfortable silence between the two of them. He followed when Jensen turned and walked into his living room. Jensen sat down on the couch, bent over to rest his elbows on his knees, and Jared dropped down onto the ottoman in front of the couch, catty-corner to Jensen and close enough for their knees to bump. "Hey," he repeated.
"I wish you would just leave this alone," Jensen said to the floor.
"Sorry, man. Not happening. Wishes and fishes and all that."
"You're going to wish you'd left this alone."
"I don't think so." He jostled Jensen's knee, but there was no reaction. "So you might as well give it up. Jeff?"
"Jeff." Jensen spoke the word like a sigh.
"Y'all had some kind of fight?"
Jensen looked up then, and Jared hated the pain he saw in his eyes. "You could say that."
"Come on, Jen. Explain to me why a fight with a former co-star, a buddy--" Jensen flinched at that, as though Jared had poked his finger deep into a bruise. "Why it has you acting like your mama's dying or something."
"You don't wanna know." Jensen shook his head.
"I do." Jared reached out a hand and gripped Jensen's shoulder. "I swear to God I do." Tell me. Tell me already.
Jensen looked up, his jaw squared defiantly and his eyes vulnerable. "We were fucking." He spit the words out like they were supposed to hurt.
Jared just nodded. "You love him?"
Jensen screwed his face up into exaggerated disbelief. "What? That's all you have to say?"
"What the hell did you expect me to say?"
"Didn't expect you to still be sitting there."
At that, Jared wanted to stand up, but he kept his seat. "Look, man, I know you're all screwed up, so I'm going to pretend like you didn't just imply that I'm some kind of homophobic jerk."
"I--" Jensen looked up, shock clear on his face. "I'm sorry, Jay." His eyes went bright, and Jared squeezed his shoulder tighter.
"Apology accepted. So, do you? You know, love him?"
"Yeah," Jensen spoke so quietly that Jared never would have heard if they hadn't been sitting so close. "I do."
"And he loves you." It wasn't even a question, the way Jeff had sounded on the phone, the concern he'd had for Jensen.
"He said he did."
"So what's the crisis?"
"I'm an asshole."
"Well, yeah. Tell me something I don't know."
Jensen grinned then, the closest thing to an honest smile Jared had seen on his face in weeks. "Shut up, Jar-head." He swallowed then, his smile slipping. "I told him I didn't. Love him. I was scared. I…hurt him. Bad."
"Shit."
"Yeah."
"You have to fix it, Jen. You can't go on like this."
"I don't think it's fixable. I think I broke it for good."
"I think you can. Seriously, you gotta at least try."
Jensen was quiet for a long minute, just staring off into nowhere, his fingers rubbing over his knees. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll try. Because you're right--I can't stand it like this."
"Good." Jared felt a smile of relief expand across his face. "Good, man, now it's time for a hug." He stood up just enough to bend over Jensen and wrap his arms around Jensen's back. Jensen stayed limp for a breath, but then his arms came up around Jared's back and squeezed tight.
When Jensen's hold loosened, Jared sat down next to him on the couch, one arm still draped over Jensen's shoulders. When the weight of Jensen's head dropped onto his shoulder, he sighed. Things were going to get better.