Chapter Text
A father's goodness is higher than the mountain, a mother’s goodness deeper than the sea.
-Japanese proverb
1976
Little Daniel Larusso was sitting in an uncomfortable, hard plastic chair. The nice nurse had given him a cup of hot chocolate but it wasn’t anywhere near as nice as Dad made. He wondered if Dad would make him his famous hot chocolate once they got home. He was so tired… Ma had brought him here after getting him early from school, but he didn’t know why.
Dad had been tired because he was busy, Ma said. ‘He would play catch with you if he could, honey.’, Ma kept telling him. But that was three months ago & Dad was still always tired. He & Ma kept going out every other weekend too, leaving him with 16-year-old Sally McBride next door. She was always really nice to Daniel & let him stay up 30 minutes after bedtime, but Daniel wanted his parents to take him to have fun with them too sometimes. The last time they’d gone out was to Coney Island. He’d been good for weeks, cleaning his room, doing his homework… maybe he could ask about going again.
The little boy smiled as his eyes slipped close, dreaming of cotton candy, ice cream, fair rides, Dad & Ma. The cup slipped from his hands but he didn’t notice as the nurses murmured sadly to themselves as they looked at the tiny child. He didn’t notice as the mess was cleaned up and a young nurse draped a blanket over him. He only stirred about an hour later when strong arms lifted him off the chair into a warm, comforting hold. He shifted & whined, winding tiny, bird-like arms around a familiar neck. As he blinked sleepily, he saw gentle, loving eyes look down at him with an adoration he could not yet comprehend.
”Honey, let me take him.”, he heard Ma’s quiet voice.
”It’s fine, sweetie. I’ve got him. I’ve got to hold him as much as I can before…”, he trailed off
”Can always hold me.”, he muttered, already hallway back to sleep.
”I wish.”, Dad said ruefully, “ My darling son is getting so big, one day I won’t be able hold him anymore.” He poked his boy’s side gently, a faint note of humour in his voice.
Daniel giggled, squirming away from the touch & then frowned as he looked up at his parents, their eyes red & exhausted. “What happened? Why did we come here?”, he asked, his high voice curious.
Dread pooled in his stomach as his mother turned away and sniffled, her grip tightening on her husband’s arm. His father grimaced & his eyes got watery but when he spoke, his voice was strong and soothing, like it had always been. “Go back to sleep, Daniel. We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?”
The child really wanted to protest, but a large hand softly cradled his head to guide it to a broad shoulder & the gentle bounce of his father’s walk almost miraculously drew him back to sleep. As he drifted off, he felt lips press the top of his head & clung tighter.
Daniel Larusso didn’t understand. If he had known that it would be one of the last times his Dad would ever carry him, he would have stayed awake.
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He woke up in his own bed, tucked in with the dolphin plush his father has won him at Coney Island. The light was on in the living room & he crept to his door, clutching the plush, as curiosity got the best of him. He peered through the crack in the door & watched his parents sitting on the couch, their backs to him. They were hugging each other & whispering softly, an occasional tremble running through their shoulders.
The dread he’d felt from the hospital increased tenfold & very quickly turned into outright terror. Before he could stop himself, he whimpered, his eyes filling with tears. His parents’ heads shot up & they tuned, his mother immediately rushing to him when she saw him. he willingly let himself be swept into her arms & be carried to the couch.
”What’s happening? I’m scared & no-one tells me anything!”, he wailed, the bad feeling overtaking him.
The little boy clung to his father when he was pulled into his lap. A hand ran soothingly over his back in response to his next cry. He couldn’t explain the fear he felt & that fact was what scared him more than anything. It took him a long time to reduce his tears to soft sniffles as he slumped against his father’s chest. Lifting his head slightly, he noticed his Ma, resting her head against Dad’s shoulder. She gave him a watery smile & squeezed his hand.
”Daniel.”, Dad said quietly, his voice heavy in a way Daniel had never heard before. He felt his lip wobble & his father smiled at him, gently swiping his thumb across his small face to brush away the tears on his cheeks. “Daniel, son, listen to me. I need you to be brave for me. Okay?”
Despite being unable to fully quell his wobbling lip, he nodded, swallowing his tears. His father gave him an encouraging smile before taking his little hands in his. “I’ve been sick, Daniel. I’ve been sick for a while now. Your Ma & me, we didn’t want to scare you, but you deserve to know, right?”
”Uh-huh.”, he whimpered, still not understanding completely. “But you saw a doctor today. So you’re okay now.”
”Darling, it doesn’t always work like that.”
”Then go again! They’ll fix you!”
Dad pressed his lips together tightly, leaning forward to press his face against Daniel’s hair, his arms tightening around his precious child. The boy trembled when he felt tears soak through his hair. “Please see the doctor again, Daddy!”, he wept.
A dreadful sob escaped his father & Daniel looked at his mother, who was now embracing them both, tears running freely down her face.
He just didn’t understand.
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Little Daniel Larusso, older now, though still a tiny eight, clutched Ma’s hand as she tugged him through the hallways. Dad had been here for a week now & Ma was finally taking him to see Dad. He was excited, Dad had been to the doctor’s for longer so he must be better. That’s why Ma was taking Daniel to see him. Her eyes were only red because she was tired taking care of them both.
They were at the room, Daniel knew because “Larusso” was written across the door. The door opened & he froze, hesitating at the entrance, only taking a tiny step in when Ma tugged at his hand gently. Dad was so thin, the strong hands that held his only a few weeks ago, withered and small. His thick, wavy hair was gone, his skin translucent. But the wide smile was still the same, his face brightening as he noticed his beloved little boy. He held his arms out to him & Daniel rushed to him with a sob, arms reaching up to the man.
He didn’t know it, but the man had found a strength he hadn’t had in days to lift him off the ground and onto the bed. He scrambled up towards him, curling into his side. “Why haven’t they fixed you yet?”, he asked softly, playing with the pattern on the hospital gown.
”Sometimes, doctors can’t fix everyone, sweetheart.”
”Why not?”, he asked in a small voice as his mother neared the bed, wrapping her arms around her husband, their son sandwiched between them.
”It’s just not meant to be, baby.”, Ma said, her voice shaking.
”It’s not fair.”, he said loudly, fiery & angry.
Dad laughed fondly, “There’s my boy. Tiny but fierce. I was wondering where he’d been.” Daniel looked down as the cold, withered hand took his still small hand, thumb rubbing small circles on it. “Life isn’t always fair, Daniel.”, he said seriously, “But I know you’ll always play fair because that’s just who you are.”
He closed his eyes, holding his son tighter. Their little boy wrapped both his small hands around his own. His wife kissed him. He smiled up at his beautiful Lucille. This was perfect. His whole world in the room with him. “I love you both so much.”
His Ma was crying. A nurse had pulled him off the bed and carried him out. “I don’t want to leave Dad.”, he complained. The nurse sadly smiled at him, “I know, bud. Let’s get a snack before going back, alright?” He was carried over to the vending machines & allowed to get the biggest candy bar. The man sat with him for a while and then Ma was there, sitting down on an empty chair. She thanked him and gathered Daniel into her arms. He stood in her grip for a long time, letting her hold him.
”Ma?”, he asked finally, when he could no longer take it. Ma let out a shuddering breath. “Daddy is gone baby. He’s in heaven now.” Her voice cracked on the last word.
”No!”, he cried, “They were supposed to make him better!”, he shrieked, pointing accusingly at a passing doctor.
Ma’s voice wobbled, ”He is better, honey. Just not in the way we wanted him to be.”
”I want Daddy!”, he wailed, trying to pull out of her grip. Ma held him tighter, pulling him in close and pressing his face against her shoulder. They both cried as little Daniel Larusso finally understood.