Chapter Text
It had been a year since he awoke.
In that year he had travelled. Traversed Thedas far and wide, learning what he could. Seeing what had changed.
Seeing the destruction that he, in his pride, had wrought.
It was different. So very different than he could have imagined. So wrong, nothing had turned out as he had wished it. And he, the only one who could right the wrongs he had done in the past, was now demonized by the last remnants of the people he had tried to save.
Fen'Harel. The Dread Wolf.
The name he had worn as a badge of honour. It was feared now, a name spoken in fright, or even in anger as a wish of harm against the recipient.
Solas walked through the gates of Val Royeaux, wiping his brow as he looked up at the tall buildings. He had decided as soon as he awoke that his best course of action would be to find information, and the university in Val Royeaux had proved to be invaluable. He hoped it would continue to be as such.
“Are you sure about this, da'len?”
Ashae Lavellan straightened up, a tunic folded in her hands as she was about to pack it away in her travelling bag. Turning her head as she straightened, she saw the Keeper of Clan Lavellan standing in the entryway of her tent. Keeper Deshanna looked tired, her grey eyes lined with years of working to keep the clan safe, her hair long ago turned white. Ashae felt a pang of guilt at the sight of the woman who had raised her, who had probably thought that her own duties would soon be over once the mantle of Keeper was passed to Ashae.
“Yes, Hahren. It has all been arranged.” Ashae put the tunic down, as the Keeper motioned for her to follow her outside the tent. She felt into step aside the Keeper, as they began walking their familiar path on the outskirts of the village. “I have arranged travel to Val Royeaux with a hunting party, and the University of Orlais has accepted my request to study with them.”
“I do not wish for you to live among the humans, da'len.” Keeper Deshanna looked ahead as they walked, her mouth set in a thin line with her eyebrows furrowed. “I did not argue when you visited the cities to purchase books, or to visit shops, but you are now speaking of leaving us-”
“It won’t be forever, Keeper. I am simply joining a research group for the present.” Ashae turned her head, trying to catch the keeper’s gaze, but was unsuccessful as the older woman continued to look ahead. “Their study may help the advancement of the Elven people. They’ve found ancient texts, and if studied, they might-”
“You have told me what you are to be studying, Ashae. And I believe you are entertaining mysteries that are better left unsolved. You are seeking out knowledge that was not meant for us to learn. The gods themselves were destroyed by Fen'Harel, and you wish to learn about him as if he was a common elf.”
“I believe that by learning more of Fen'Harel, and the truths behind the legends we are taught, that we may-”
“I cannot give you my blessing.” The Keeper stopped, moving to stand in front of Ashae. “If you wish you leave, you may do so, and I will begin training Liala as my First.”
Ashae felt her mouth drop open slightly, and her heart sank with the anger on her Keeper’s face. “Keeper, please, I’m just trying to help our people.”
“Our people have nothing to gain by learning of the Dread Wolf. He is to be feared, not studied.” Keeper Deshanna shook her head. “And certainly not at the side of shems and other elves that have abandoned their clans.”
“I wish to learn. I wish to study. I want to know what happened to our ancestors, and to the ancient Elvhen gods. We have forgotten so much since the fall of Arlathan, Hahren.” Ashae crossed her arms, inclining her head to the woman standing in front of her. “I know I can help bring some of it back to us, if I only have the chance. And the University is giving me that chance.” She could hear the plea in her own voice, as she tried so hard to make the Keeper understand why she was leaving, what she was hoping to accomplish.
This argument was one of many they had had over the last ten years, since the first time Ashae had sneaked away from the clan when they were camped near Starkhaven, so she could buy books. She had been young back then, only seventeen, but she had always possessed a desire for knowledge, and to learn more than the Dalish legends could tell her. And the Keeper had always warned her of the danger she was putting herself in.
“I hope you are right, but I fear that only harm will come of this decision you are making, Ashae. Fen'Harel ma ghilana.”
The next morning, Ashae rose early. Her bags were packed, she was ready to go when one of the hunters stopped at her tent to tell her they were ready to go.
She left her tent and had made it to the edge of the encampment when Keeper Deshanna’s voice sounded from behind her. “I wish you well, Ashae. I raised you as my own, and I love you dearly, da'len. Dareth shiral.”
“Ir abelas, hahren.” Ashae’s voice was strained, she was fighting back the tears that were trying to overwhelm her.
“May the Dread Wolf never catch your scent, da'len.” Ashae heard the words spoken quietly behind her, and when she turned her head, the woman was gone. Lifting her head as she walked away from the camp, she wouldn’t let the tears fall that burned her eyes.
She was going against what she had been taught for the last twenty-seven years. Going against all the hopes and plans that the clan had for her. But as she stepped out of the woods, spotting the hunting party waiting ahead, Ashae couldn’t deny the feeling that her heart was soaring. After years of hoping and waiting, she was going to study with scholars at the University of Orlais. She was going to learn things that even the Dalish had forgotten.
For the first time in her life, she felt free.