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You sat on you bed with you laptop in front of you. You stared at the scars that covered your arms.
“I should be dead” you muttered to yourself “He shouldn’t have stopped me”
You kept murmuring similar things to yourself over and over.
You had attempted suicide about a month ago and although you were physically recovered, you sure as hell weren’t mentally recovered. You still had the same dark thoughts, the same feelings of uselessness, the same hatred for yourself. The only reason you were still alive was because your big brother Alex had stopped you. Part of you wanted to thank him, but most of you wanted to punch him.
Suddenly, you heard the skype calling tone. You looked at the laptop screen and saw the name ‘Alex’. You pressed the answer button and forced yourself to smile. “Hey Y/N” Alex said.
“Hey Alex” you replied.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“Great” you lied.
“Tell me the truth” he said. Alex could always tell when you were lying. It was just something he was incredibly good at. You dropped the smile immediately.
“I feel like absolute hell” you told him.
“I’m sorry about that” he replied. You looked down, unknowing of what to say to him. Then, he started speaking. “I have something that I think might cheer you up”
“What?”
He pulled out his guitar and a slight smile came to your face. You always loved when Alex sang to you or played songs for you. He always did it whenever you got sad when you were younger. “I wrote a song for you” he said.
“Really?” you asked, shocked.
“Yeah” he replied “It’s called ‘Missing You’. I think you’ll like it”
He started to strum on the guitar. You just stared at your screen as he began singing to you.
“I heard that you’ve been self-medicating in the quiet of your room, your sweet suburban tomb,and if you need a friend, I’ll help you stitch up your wounds” he sang.
You could already feel tears building up in your eyes.
“I heard that you’ve been having some trouble finding your place in the world, I know how much that hurts, and if you need a friend, then please just say the word”
You felt goosebumps all down your arm. This song was so true, so raw, so... real.
“You’ve come this far, you’re all cleaned up, you’ve made a mess again. There’s no more trying, time to sort yourself out”
He looked up from his guitar and looked directly at you. Your smile dropped when you saw how sad this song made him.
“Hold on tight” he sang “This ride is a wild one. Make no mistake, the day will come when you can’t cover up what you’ve done. Don’t lose your fight, kid. It only takes a little push to pull on through”
He paused for a moment, taking a few deep breaths, He then continued “With so much left to do, you’ll be missing out and we’ll be missing you”
A few tears fell from your eyes as Alex stopped playing. You saw the pain and love in his eyes. “Is that the end?” you asked.
“No” he replied “I just needed a moment”
He began playing again.
“I heard that you’ve been having some trouble finding your place in the world, I know how much that hurts, and if you need a friend then please just say the word”
You began to smile again as he kept alternating between looking at his guitar and looking at you.
“You’ve come this far, you’re all cleaned up, you’ve made a mess again. There’s no more trying, time to sort yourself out”
You took a moment to wipe the tears from your eyes. Every lyric touched you, every word meant the world to you, and it seemed to do the exact same for Alex.
“Hold on tight, this ride is a wild one. Make no mistake, the day will come when you can’t cover up what you’ve done” he sang to you “Don’t lose your fight, kid. It only takes a little push to pull on through. With so much left to do, you’ll be missing out…”
You heard his voice waver a bit as he sang “And we’ll be missing you”
The tears flowed much more freely after that. You stopped trying to hold them in. It looked like Alex was about to cry, too.
He seemed to have a really sudden burst of passion as he began to sing the bridge. “Grit your teeth, pull your hair, paint the walls black and scream ‘Fuck the world, cause it’s my life, I’m gonna take it back’”
He then stared at the camera as he sang “And never for a second blame yourself”. You didn’t know what to say or how to react. This was the line that made it all clear. He genuinely did mean what he was singing. And you knew that now.
You let out a slight sob and Alex stopped playing. “Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yes. Please, keep playing it” you replied.
“Okay” he said before continuing. “Hold. On. Tight. This ride is a wild one. Make no mistake, the day will come when you can’t cover up what you’ve done”
You just continued smiling at your older brother with tears flowing down your cheeks. You then saw the tears that were filling his eyes.
“Hold on tight” he sang “This ride is a wild one. Make no mistake, the day will come when you can’t cover up what you’ve done. Now don’t lose your fight, kid. It only takes a little push to pull on through”
You then saw the tears start falling down his face as he stopped playing. He then sang the last bit of the song acapella “With so much left to do, you’ll be missing out, and we’ll be missing you”.
You didn’t know what to say to him. You didn’t know how you could thank him for everything. For the song, for stopping you from killing yourself, for actually caring. Thousands of emotions overtook you and you could only croak out one sentence.
“Thank you,Alex”
“It’s fine” he told you, wiping the tears from his eyes. “Listen, if you need anyone, I’m always here. I’ll always help you. You’re my little sister and I love you to pieces, I wouldn’t be able to cope without you”
“Thank you” you repeated.
“I’ll be back home as soon as this tour ends and I’ll spend all the time I can with you. I love you, your friends love you, the guys love you, everyone loves you. You really need to see that. We all need you”
Then you heard a familiar voice coming from offscreen. “Hey, Alex, who you talkin...whoa, what’s up?”
“Nothing” Alex said “Just talking to Y/N”
Then you saw Jack sit down beside him. “Hey, Y/N”
“Hi, Jack” you replied.
“”How you feeling?” he asked.
“Definitely better after talking to Alex” you told him.
“Oh, but not from seeing me?” he said sarcastically.
“Yes, and from seeing you, asshole” you giggled.
Jack turned to Alex and said “Alex, we gotta go”
“Okay” Alex replied. He turned to you and said “I’ll talk to you later,alright?”
“Yep” you replied.
“See you later” he said.
“Bye. And thank you” you responded.
And the call ended. You hummed the tune of the song and wrote the lyrics on a sheet of paper.
You underlined one line. The one that meant the most to you.
We’ll be missing you