Work Text:
"Do you think I'm a good person?"
They look at eachothers for a while, taking in what's he once was, who he may become. The grass felt like it always had. But in this state katsuki doesn't feel a lot; he hasn't felt in a while actually. Not since the war, maybe he never did there's plenty of examples that bare witness to said theory. Yet looking in that boys his own eyes it's quickly swept away. There's an air of caution behind those aberrant eyes. Maybe not aberrant, but there was something unfamiliar in his gaze that no kid should ever hold. Something katsuki long forgot he could do.
Shit. That was a child. Close enough to a fucking baby even. Why is he here? Why are they here together ? Basically the whole science-fiction genre warned about the dangers of such situations, yet bakugou couldn't seem to care. "IM SORRY WHY IS THIS FUCKING KID HERE" and "WHERE DUSTNUTS I NEED TO KICK HIS ASS WITH DEKU IZUKU" reverberated across his entire being. Shit left a phantom pain residing in his bones, with a slight after-taste of guilt dancing on his tongue. Only for a moment was he bombarded with thoughts like that before the tranquility returned to his mind. He gazed upon the open field again. That loud-mouth red head would love it here, it's the type of shitty place he promised he would take katsuki. His heart felt heavy at the thought.
It wasn't like he even wanted to go somewhere like this, he didn't even want to be here now. (Making the conscious decision to ignore the pure silence and absence of life. Including the lack of movement in his chest which usually indicated breathing)
It was kirishima he wanted. And izuku and sensei and fuck he missed his mum. What was she doing, probably having her coffee at this point. She never allowed him any cause 'it's take a sophisticated mind to enjoy shit like this.' That's when he hear it. He heard him; the boy sat besides him. It's a surreal experience really, which is why he tried to ignore the mini me sat beside him. Either he was A. high out of his mind (not possible because its kinda hard to get the good shit in the middle of you know a war) or B. an option he chose to bury deep in the back of his head where all other irrational fears go. Can't be a good hero while letting fear control decision you know.
Considering he blurted a seemly simple question which would require immense emotional awarness and intelligence he wasn't expecting much of an answer from the kid.
"Is red still you favourite colour?"
Now it was his time to ponder on an answer. Didn't take long though, he was a simple teen as such he had no problem answering simply:
"Sure...ya why'd you ask?"
"Why?"
Damn. He's always been a blunt man kid but this was another level. The kid had no tact whatsoever. Little shit couldn't be more then 9 yet here he was with the same amount of confidence as his own hair, dangerous accompanied by disrespect perfectly matched only by his ego. Truthfully not much changed. His hag always said so after an argument, she'd always say "just cuz you growing aint mean you're changing brat. soon your personalities gotta catch up with you ass!" she'd always laugh as she said so. Always.
"It's a universal sign brat. It depicts what I-we stand for you know, Power Rage Strength Courage and all that shit. Undeniably bold. Ask any of the idiots. Red and Bakugou go together like mud and an earthworm."
"Liar," did he sniffle? The brats had his back to him since he had started talking. He assumed it was a pride thing, a matter of being stubborn maybe nervous but now that he noticed the kid the quiver in his voice was obvious. "Why are you lying. I'm you shithead," skillfully the elder version bit back the urge to retaliate at the insult, "I know why it's our favourite colour I picked it. Why do you like- no love, why do you love red"
At this bakugou led back uncrossing his legs from the previous lax sitting position to lay his back flush against the grass. It tickled at his torso even through his hero suit. Oh ya he's meant to be fighting moving his arm to stretch it across his face he Considered the youngers statement. Why is it? Why make it so serious when it's just a colour. A beautiful colour the conveyed a multitude of emotion......
Shiittt
"It's because of her" he huffed out "she's got red eyes, not the violent scarlet like mine though. Her's burn vermilion. When she smiles they almost look sparkly pink, they ain't but just almost are. They go best with her hair. Outa all the shit I Inherited, it's.... the best"
Trailing off that final part was barely above a whisper the venerability felt foreign. Since his fight with izuku he wasn't as closed off as before but the unfamiliarity of acknowledging his feelings head on still felt akward. Even if he was just having a hallucinogenic dream with his 9-year-old self.
"I know" THAT BASTARD, the little nerd had the audacity to look exasperated like this conversation was mentally staining HIM
"But what else"
"The fuck you mean what else"
"Katsuki, you know exactly what I mean"
...
"Katsuki"
"Katsuki why do you lo-"
"His hair is fucking red alright!"
Now it was the youngers turn to stare in silence. Had bakugou not known better he would have assumed the twerp looked pissed at being interrupted. Nope he was Probably hyper aware of the tangent he just set the future him on,
"It's held up but a shit ton of jell but it adds to his... whimsicality. It's part of his stupid charm. Or whatever. The gel makes it shine, make kirishima seem magical- otherworldly. He's probably naturally like that. He even dyes his eyebrows red like who fucking does that!" Head turning slightly he notices the little blonde looking at his with that look again. Barely noticing the way his lips quirked up.
"Its on he's hero suit WHICH u can't even class as a suit if its only trousers but does he listen? HA nope!" That last part giggled out:
"And fuck you know what mini me deku still wears them stupid red shoes. Never grew out of them"
"Ew seriously they're so fugly"
"EXACTLY" By impulse he basically flung himself upright to further continue his colourful rant. The validation in his obviously very right option definitely encouraged him more then he would like to admit considering it was almost completely bias since he was talking to himself. Wait how did I even get here?
"AND THERES THIS TWO-TONED FUCKER WITH HAIR COLOURED LIKE A POKEMON BALL. Listen kid UA is fucking unreal. Hell pinky wears a red blue and yellow bracelet that feels like a physical attack on colour itself. I think float fingers has a matching one too. And- and sensei even got a red car. It's hella dull but obviously red"
Now he sighs. Truly takes a minute to allow his words to completely seep in. Thoughts he hadn't authorised to be brought into existence were spewed out leaving only the option to accept them. He really did love red. It was just so... much.
"The reds you spoke of yet the red you described contradict each idiot"
"Don't try act all sophisticated dickhead u probably still eat dirt"
"HEY I STOPPED THAT LIKE A YEAR AGO" the boy huffed. "but my point still stands genius, you said red was aggressive, commanding and loud. All the red thing you spoke about were loving and gentle did you realise that. They were sweet and playfully overwhelmingly sappy, nothing like your 'idea' of red at all"
"OK oh wise one, but what's that Got to do with my question"
Both stared holes into the other, studying every twitching movement. Picking apart what once was and what's yet to be.
"Did you think I honestly knew how to answer that shit, look dude, I stay here, I watch you like a 1st person game. Whatever shit u think I control I don't. You get to go on keep growing but me I stay here. Keep you chin up kid cause there's worst people in the world. Also the fact you love but hold such ideologies are an answer in their own right."
Mini bakugou stopped to breathe and look back at him. Really look at him. This time he wasn't wearing that cautious calculating stare. It was gentle, intelligent, as if he'd seen all problems in the world and produced solutions. The type of look old men have when a youngster challenges them to a chess match. Clearly sensing the confusion bubbling from the other kid bakugou continue his wisdom dump.
"But I know you- us katsuki. From the day we became kacchan to Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight -change that Shitty name btw- I've known what we are. Deep down you know what we are, you just can't accept it yet"
"What cryptic shit means nothing"
"MAYBE TO ASS EATERS LIKE YOU. You just to scared to say it katsuki"
○●○
He's at home? That ain't right he was just fighting shigaraki, no wait... a field. Yep he was definitely having some doped out dream in a field with a younger version of himself. The fighting must have been an aspect of the dream to maybe a precognitive dream. It had to have been fake. The posters were still up, it had to have been some future possibility nightmare, he definitely tore them down that day which was even more proof he probably ate some bad street food and went delirious.
In his dazed state the teen took in all aspects of the room, numerous paint splashes from his younger self covering up scorch marks. And the prized canvas painting of skeleton flowers his old man got him since "Well kat your just like one but I promise we'll see the real deal some day". Now katsuki didn't know shit about flowers but is old man was a damn anthophile, on walks he'd point out each one and each meaning. Fun fact but katsuki does listen when people have important shit to say and believe it or not he found his dad rambling about hydrangeas very important. So when he was crassly interrupted from his reminiscing its fair to say he was more then a little irritated, until he was what caused such a loud disruption.
It he didn't even notice him, instead a bag was violently chucked down before it started terrorising the room. Books went flying off the shelf as it tripped over the bed frame and was looking for stability. He watched. Desk papers were thrown, bright sparks erupted in the room, followed by an onslaught of curse words. He watched. He watched like that's all he knew to do. Just observe katsuki. just watch it him katsuki. Red met red as the show itself came charging at katsuki, and all he could do was watch. He refused to more, he couldn't if he wanted to so silently obediently he watched, he watched as the creature raged passed him, he watched as it grabbed HIS the flowers. But watching it smash on of his greatest possessions, that he couldn't do, moving for the first time since the monster came he winced away from the scene forcing his eyes shut so to not witness if again. Willing himself to disobey whatever divine rule kept him motionless. To not see the creatures face upon realising the damage done and to not see it sob violently as it collapses into itself.
Katsuki was pretty similar to the thing he'd allowed everything to happen until he couldn't anymore and when it did become to much he'd result to violence. Probably not the best coping mechanisms but what works works. Having outlets like the kickboxing and ballet classes he takes across town did wonders to keep him in one piece, but there were days he couldn't days. When everything gets to much. This day was not the first by far and he knew would not be the last. So when he turn back to the violent creature heaving over the ruined art he rubbed its back, not out of pity more...understanding. maybe he would have felt something more had the creature been designed to better sympathy with but a crying injured monster remains a monster. Tears don't wash away the joy those eyes stole.
"If you try pull that shit out your only gonna scratch your throat your arms ain't long or skinny enough to pull it out"
Expectedly he wasn't met with a response more than a shuddered breath. But the understanding was shown as brute removed it'd hand from its mouth.
"You gotta flush it out kid. Drink till you feel sick then drink some more, when ur are actually sick it'll come out alot easier and hurt a whole lot less", this time it faced him studying his intentions as if no one's ever done it a good deed. (Not that it deserved it) Had he not been a hardened hero student he would have squirmed under such an Intense gaze, that was until it coughed out,
"Fuck you i- agkk I'm like the same fuCKing age"
Damn. It he looked like shit. He didn't say that but clearly his face did.
"Fuck man don't look at my like that have yo- aghh seen yourself"
No, no he had not, realising there just happened to be a conventional placed mirror besides them he finally got to look at himself. Shit was an understatement, sure war give very little time for self care but he could see his hair matted together by blood sweat and dirt. His hero suit was barely holding together with the amount of tears it got. He had a dried blood trail from his forehead covering his eye and multiple cuts and gashes across his face. Looking at them he couldn't feel it. He couldn't feel them in the field either. Shit. He must have left his gauntlets in that field. Maybe. Like he was 99% sure he probably had them then.
He definitely felt the floor now and being shoulder to shoulder with the other but he was grateful for not feeling the intense injuries he most definitely should be suffering from. This is so trippy. Why couldn't he feel his injuries, that scary scenario thought came crashing out of the chest in the back of his head flashing across his whole soul. Surely he isn't dead. No he can't be, not yet, but everyone who's flat lined momentarily described similar situations.
"agggh- not dead dickhead"
"Huh"
"I said you Ai-"
"I know what said it just wanna know how your ass knew what I was thinking"
"Your the 'great' bakugou katsuki and so am I its not hard to know what your thinking"
"You not me your barely... anything. Like Look at you"
"Cause your such ,*cough* hot shit? I take it back you aint never *cough* been great.
preposterous. For something younger then him he did seem to have better emotional control. How dare it wallow in its own pity and self hatred then righteously talk down to him like hes nothing.
"Fuck off then," shoving the other away from him opting to sit on the bed instead, "the hell do you mean not great look at me, everything I've achieved I'm awesome, I am great."
"But were you great? look at ME what I've caused, what we caused. Even the way you dehumanise me pretending your all high and mighty. Like I'm not still there like your not still me LOOK AT ME KATSUKI"
And he did this time looking down in the physical sense, he couldn't see his face not able to make out the distinct features he knew he had. Only those eyes, those rotting red eyes disgusting and unstable, they do say eyes are the window to the soul. This time he really looked at their lack of light, nothing like boy katsuki in the field, the stare held animosity for not just himself but future katsuki as well.
"Don't forget who you were katsuki, you can detest me and move on but you'll feel me fester inside you know I'm here, as much as you try fighting if you wish you can fall back and become me again"
"I DONT"
"Don't fucking lie. You know you do... you you just cant?" now this seemed to perplexed katsuki as much as it did the speaker yet he continued, "mum was right you personality did catch up with you ass."
Stunned because the fuck does he mean by that.
"We're one and the same katsuki and I hope I can change that, I hope I never become the person we are just as much as you want to separate yourself from me"
"Your weak in all ways, I always have been just took me some time to admit. We all watch you watch you katsuki watch your joys and suffering each placing bets on the decisions you'll make, do you know why it's as good as anyone's guess"
"..."
"Well don't be to quick to answer" middle-school bakugou chuckled, "because your different to each of us. Not a single one of us be the same you dick"
They're glaring into each others eyes having a pointless little stand-off. That what this is though, the whole experience. Pointless. His whole existence. Pointless. Arguing with this little raging prick that talks like a conspiracy theorists on a straight caffeine vodka mix. Pointless
"HAA WHAT'S SO WRONG WITH ME PRICK"
"...ha you tell me Bakugou Katsuki"
○●○
This shit wasn't funny at the start and it sure as fuck ain't funny now. He needs to go back to what? cause being trapped in this mini bakugou maze pissed him off. If pattern Continuous then he was gonna met the future him, around 22, If there is one. *he'll* be the one expected to give advice. What's he meant to say "try you best if we've survived this long it's a pretty dick move to give up now." Nope not a chance.
How'd those two figure it out. Kid one was as content with being in a field and being treated as free therapy as a kid can be. And thing two.. Well even after that traumatic shit he still seemed to have a good head on his shoulder. Both qualities he himself clearly lost over time. So what does he have that future him doesn't. So much for all that shit about getting better over time.
Is this like his fucking domain now or what. He decides to look around. Fighting his instincts to fight his way into a position he likes. Its becomes tiring battling everything, sometimes he just need a break. So he succumbed to the will of whatever this place was and forces himself to be dragged around accordingly. It's nothing special. Maybe it's meant to relate to a key even for him this year or represent his mind, whatever reason there was had to be better then him being placed here because the universe thought It'd be funny to make him seem noncey. In no way shape or form is he a nonce nor could he remember a park in the last year that had any significance so like any reasonable teenager he sat his ass on the bench overlooking the empty park and waited.
Waited
waited
Waited
A Matter of days or minutes could have passed maybe even a few seconds and it still felt too long.
He was never a people person. Sure he once thrived off acknowledgement from others and not-so-subtle stares but he never cared for anything deeper. Never searched for relationships with more substance. Reaching UA felt hollow to celebrate outside his parents. He didn't have people who believed he would get in yet still crossed their finger in anticipation. Sure his folks believe in him fully but they are his parents you know. While others shared stories of theme park trips with friends bakugou began to realise he barely did anything besides be a pest study and train.
Ya those traits made halfie peculiarity and inexperience at social interaction endearing but the same curtesy wasn't given to him. Having such a large presence doesn't always mean there's something to say. Maybe he's the one lacking depth, substance. It wasn't something that ate away at him but some night where he was to tired to train but to buzzy to sleep it hit him. Overthinking his entire existence before came to the same verdict over the same question that started his crisis originally.
Am I a good person.
Signing the blonde tried the rub the fatigue out from he eyes. The parks still empty. Not sure what he expected but nothing new was there. No big buff bakugou to woow him over his awesome hero life. He felt the murky pit festering in his stomach grow. Dreading what may be his reality.
"HEY Mr you gotta move pu-lease"
Looking down at the squirt not even taller then his thigh. Damn. What a small kid. As much as he hates to admit it he was hella cute.
"Wait katsuki do you understand what this means? YOUR NOT DEAD"
"FUCK YA!"
Frightened half to death the baby blonde jumps halfway outa his skin before moving away from the teen. It took the elder a moment to realise he responded aloud startling the kid but it does prove he never lost the ability to read minds since he clearly never had it. Reading minds would make shit soooo much easier.
"Sorry little dude," he grumbled sheepishly
"Just had a revelation didn't mean to scare you"
"Rev-oo-lai- HEY YOU DIDN'T SCARE ME AT ALL"
Trying to stifle his laugh at toddler-like katsuki he raised his eyebrows challenging the previous statement. "Really?"
"YA really I'm four now! Big boys don't get scared like that at all"
"Your- your so old you probably scared yourself old man an' tryin to pretend it me."
By now the four-year-old blondie climbed onto the bigger boys lap to argue waving his chubby hands way close to bakugou's face. Upon realising this the mini skilfully maneuverers to sit beside the other then laying his hands palms up on his thighs.
"Why are you in my park?"
"Huh. Not sure kid"
"Why ain't you sure"
"Just aint kid"
"But why though"
"Enough with that 'why' shit kid. 'nd how's this your park?"
"huff that's cause Imma be the best and all best people have stuff names after them! So this has gotta be my park."
"You gotta get out now"
"How come little man"
"Dummy I've gotta do home and I can't protect you if you stay"
"Your gonna protect me?" He questioned cocking a eyebrows at the toddler.
"Yep I've gotta. It's not like you can protect yourself," malicious or not this hit katsuki. Hard. Because through all the fights and training and power-ups he still needed help time and time again. Only winning through the skin of his teeth. That's not the type of life a winner paints but one of a survivor. Truthfully he didn't know which was worst. "And I always protect weak people like yo and deku"
Oh wow deku already. No venom in his voice, he was Probably to young to have that skill anyways. But there was still deku. He had always been deku, ever the fool. That algae impersonating dickhead. Kid kat wasn't particularly wrong, even with katsuki future knowledge, he was objectively telling it how it is. Deku was weaker than katsuki, he cried, second guessed himself, pitied himself. Even before both his own quirk manifested their friendship had a clear power imbalance.
Briefly he wondered is baby k had been to that forest, experienced that day. But it was plain to see that wasn't the case, the way he spoke of deku proved it. It wasn't always hate it couldn't have been but bakugou couldn't help but loath him. He was just so easy to despise. Deku was the epitome of naïve to an almost selfish extent -even as he left UA and matured on his own.
His ideas of how it would play out: unrealistic.
Not playing for the future and hoping it'd be all good: stupidly simplistic
Nobody dying in a fucking war: bullshit.
Maybe that's why he's paired with kid bakugou right now. A hateless child untainted by the disgusting pit that rots inside of him. The purest version of himself. This version that seemed to believe he was so much stronger. Objectively and logical the both new that was wrong. But kids don't do Objective kids are born sinless, even people like himself. And looking at himself he's force to accept that he to was born sinless, born with the capacity to be anything. He wasn't born broken or whatever theory's the extras spewed out.
Once a baby once a boy but never a man. Not ever.
"If I can protect myself then what you gonna do, that means your no good."
"I'll.....um"
"Didn't think of that did you brat? Course not-"
"WHO CARES IF YOU CAN PROTECT YOUSELF DONT MAKE YOU STORNG OR THE STRONGEST"
"alright smart ass what does?"
"You umm you gotta be brave and you aint"
The fuck you mean I ain't brave. I've been battling terrorist on-and-off for like 7 months starting the only thing you've fought against us your bedtime you prick. Had katsuki said that to him there's like a 87% chance the little one would have initiated a screaming match with very heavy tears so he gracefully kept the comment to himself.
So silently he pushed himself up and once the other had begun to walk followed him. Maybe it was the familiarity of the walk that made him zone out but once he got in front of the house it was much sooner then he through. His house. He hadn't even registered that's were he was going until he was there. It shouldn't have been as nostalgic as it was. And fuck he's crying.
Blame it on the way the settings sun shone in the curved roof or the path to the door that still had chalk drawings but it definitely was not the sight of his parents through the window. It was not the way they ran to the front door upon noticing his arrival. It was not how as he began to walk again he noticed the little boy sprint up to the door. And it definitely wasn't watching his mum half-heartedly scold the boy while his Dad picked him up all while not being able to see him. He was so close. They were so close god dammit. Just a few steps away from everything he never knew how badly he was craving. In his dazed they move inside not mini katsuki not sparing him a glance and he's left alone.
Hollyhock, entangled with rain flowers and roses of all colours are all he's left with outside the house. Stupid fucking flowers planted by the old man for some shitty reason or the next. Never cared to learn. He can't bare the sight of them any long and pans back to the window, they're all there. But he's not, well technically but that's not the point.
It's a moment of longing, of exhaustion that enables him to take the first step. Envy and frustration carry the next two. The subtle rising pain and adrenaline rush power him through the next stride. Then as his foot drops and his hand grasps the door. There's a rage an intense selfish burning inhumane rage that ignites. With no more hesitation he swings the door open and charges through.
Looking left for his parent's he's meet with darkness. Fuck that he decides he's had enough of this shit.
He's done everything else by himself. Built himself into the person he is now. So in true bakugou fashion he lights the way by himself. Swings himself up.
That's what he is, and impulsive dangerous kid. Eyes opened to what he truly is. What he's meant to be
"I've caught up to you izuku"