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The sun has already set when Bambi reaches her apartment. Abandoning her purse by the door, she makes her way to the couch, sighs deeply as she lets herself collapse into the cushions. The day has been long, too long even, and for what has to be the first time in her life, she regrets having agreed to drinks with Richie and Tina later. She considers calling them to cancel, pretending to be sick to get out of it, but Richie’s voice resonates inside her head.
You are not spending your birthday alone. We are going out and that’s final.
She doesn’t really have a choice, does she? Richie is not one to give up that easily and, while she still gets choked up at the thought of him contradicting her when she referred to them as family, she has to admit that spending the evening with him and Tina sounds nicer than eating ice cream alone in front of her TV. Especially on her thirty-fifth.
Because the truth is, Bambi loves birthdays, though these days that mostly applies to other people’s. She’s not sure when the last time she’s actually enjoyed her own was—can’t remember when she’s last spent it without crying at least once, either. Bambi spends the majority of her time trying to make everyone around her feel special, yes, but the opposite hardly ever happens. When she’s lucky, she spends the day with a friend or two and tries not to focus on the loneliness that comes to greet her annually. Every year, she gets the regular fan letters, too. From men old enough to be her fathers who find her to be the most desirable creature to exist, or their teenage sons’ declarations of love after they found the pornography magazines she’s modeled for hidden deep at the bottom of the drawer of their progenitor’s desk. Occasionally, she gets one from a young model who claims to look up to her. Nothing that even comes close to filling the ever-growing family-shaped hole in her heart, though. So when Richie insisted they do something to celebrate, when she refused and Tina tried to convince her, she eventually agreed to join them. Because she considers these people her own, even if the contrary isn’t true.
So, armed with a newfound motivation, she heads to the bedroom and absentmindedly goes through her closet, and while it is full enough it looks like it might explode, she finds herself thinking that, really, she doesn’t have anything to wear. Eventually, her fingers land on a black, sparkly halter dress she forgot she owned. A dress she’d bought with her first Bottom Dollar paycheck, so it seems fitting that she’d wear it now that she doesn’t work there anymore. A full circle moment of sorts. She slides it on, ties the fabric around her neck, adds some of the highest heels she can find. In front of the mirror, she touches up her makeup, puts her hair in a high ponytail.
She’s pretty much ready when a knock of the door startles her. She opens it to find Tina standing on the other side, wearing a long, blue dress that reminds her of the one she was wearing at the Deep Throat premiere and yet, somehow, she looks even more gorgeous than she did that night. The smile on Tina’s face is contagious and Bambi can’t help but grin in turn.
“Ready?”
Bambi nods, extends a hand to reach for her purse. Soon enough, the two of them are in Tina’s car, its engine humming in the background of their so far non-existing conversation. The blonde glances at Tina once, then twice, and this time she notices and gives her a warm smile, though it quickly disappears when she sees the worried look on her face.
“Tins,” Bambi starts, and she’s not sure how to find the right words. “I learned about Doug and Constance. You okay?”
“It is what it is,” Tina says slowly, her eyes remaining on the road and the car in front of them, and Bambi wonders how many times she’s rehearsed that line in her head, anticipating one of them asking.
Words travel fast at Minx, or what is left of it anyway, and she’s not sure just how much Tina feels comfortable sharing. They sit in silence for a few moments, until Bambi breaks the silence a second time.
“I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”
Another smile appears on Tina’s face, though this time it feels sadder, less genuine. She doesn’t plan on answering, doesn’t know what to even say, but she can’t escape Bambi’s insistent gaze, and so she speaks again.
“It doesn’t matter. I’m leaving for Paris.”
“Tina.”
Upon hearing her name, her eyes leave the road to question Bambi. She’s not quite sure what she wants her to add. Doug slept with Constance, she is going to Paris. That’s all there is to say, really. Bambi doesn’t say another word, patiently waiting with a supportive half-smile, and it doesn’t take long before Tina caves.
“I shouldn’t be surprised.” She pauses, her eyes meeting Bambi’s before going back to the road. “I’m not sure what I expected, honestly.”
“You know this is more of a reflection of him than it is of you, right?”
“I know,” Tina sighs. “Doesn’t make it hurt any less.”
Bambi nods in agreement, whispers a barely audible “I know,” earning herself another, longer look from Tina, and both of them share a sad, understanding smile.
“Are you okay?”
“Mhm yeah,” Bambi hums, her head turned to the window, avoiding Tina’s gaze.
“Any news from Shelly?”
There it is. The one question she was hoping to avoid. Her eyes shut close for a second or so, and when she opens them again, a single tear has formed at the corner of it. Still facing the window, she wipes it instantly, then turns back towards Tina.
“I haven’t heard from her since she and Doreen came back from their last writing retreat,” she eventually admits, and Tina raises her eyebrows and shakes her head in disbelief as she takes in the information.
“Wow.”
“To be fair, I haven’t reached out either.” She pauses, then adds, “You know who did, though? Lenny.”
“As in Shelly’s soon-to-be ex-husband?” Tina asks, incredulous.
Bambi rings an invisible bell in the air. “Ding ding ding.”
“What did he want?”
“To talk, mostly. Turns out being left by the same woman can be quite the bonding experience.”
“You don’t mean…” Tina doesn’t even finish her sentence, too stunned to say her entire thought out loud.
“God, no,” Bambi laughs, and Tina lets out a relieved sigh. “I tried to convince myself I wanted to for a bit, but I think I mostly just liked the attention. That night, when he came over and eventually kissed me… I kissed him back at first, but then it just felt wrong. Everything felt wrong. Like I was using him to feel close to her… It all always leads back to her in the end.”
Tina sighs again, though this time it’s heavy with pain. “I feel that.”
“I’m sorry you do.”
A sweet, sad smile forms on their lips as they share another understanding look.
“I’m sorry you do, too,” Tina says, and she grabs Bambi’s hand and squeezes it in an effort to comfort her.
Bambi’s eyes swell with tears again at the gesture, and while it does not somehow make it all okay, it certainly brings a sense of relief to know she’s not alone in this. That, for once, someone actually just might understand where she’s coming from. Part of her wishes Tina didn’t relate, didn’t know what she’s talking about, because the woman doesn’t deserve that kind of pain, but oh how grateful she is that she has a friend in the same boat. Somebody who acknowledges that, in all honesty, Shelly broke her heart over and over again, and though it is not exactly the same, she did so in a similar way that Doug did Tina.
“Alright,” Tina continues after a beat, “we’re not spending the night crying about our exes. We’re celebrating you and you better believe Good Time Tina is coming back!”
Bambi smiles despite herself, takes a deep breath to try to regain control of her emotions, lets the air out in a deep, long sigh. She looks out the window, realizes she doesn’t recognize where they are. She’s not sure where they’re supposed to meet—Richie only said Tina would pick her up without much more of an explanation—but she knows they’re not headed to either of their apartments, or Minx, for that matter.
“Where are we going?” She eventually asks when Tina turns left.
“You’ll see,” Tina smiles. “Almost there.”
A few minutes later, they’ve finally arrived. Bambi looks around as she gets out of the car. They’re outside the city, that’s for sure, but that’s as much as she can gather. Tina’s parked in front of a house that stands alone on top of the hill they just drove up. The lights are off, the courtyard empty, and Richie’s car is nowhere to be found. For an instant or so, the thought she might get murdered here crosses her mind, but Tina is making her way to the front door and inviting her to follow her. Bambi hurries, catches up to her, can’t help but be surprised when she pushes the door open—who lives here, and why did they leave the door unlocked?
Tina steps in, and Bambi takes another look around before she does too. The house is so dark she can barely see anything, and it feels warmer than she expected it to. Surely there’s a reason Tina brought her here, and she’s about to ask when, at last, Tina turns the lights on.
The next few seconds happen so fast, Bambi isn’t sure how to process it all. The dark, seemingly empty house turns out to be filled with her Minx colleagues and friends jumping out their hiding spots and screaming “surprise” at her, and if she wasn’t so startled by it, she probably would have burst into tears on the spot. She’s in such shock she doesn’t move, doesn’t speak, her mouth falling open a little, and it takes Richie coming up to her to get her to realize just what is going on.
“Do you like it?” He asks, wrapping an arm around her shoulder as he shows her around the living room.
“Guys…” Her voice is breaking with emotion. “I love everything about, well, all of this, but whose house is this?”
“Constance’s.” Doug appears from behind the pillar he’d been leaning against this whole time. “She’s on vacation at the moment. Figured what she doesn’t know cannot hurt her. Or anger her.”
Bambi lets out a soft laugh, wipes away the tears still forming in her eyes. “I can’t believe you guys broke into Constance’s house to throw me a party.”
“Well, we’re not breaking in so much as we knew where the spare key was hidden.”
“Still breaking and entering,” Joyce points out from the other side of the room.
She earns herself a “ah, technicalities” from Doug, making Richie and Bambi giggle in unison.
“A technicality that could land us in jail.”
“And it wouldn’t be the first time. What’s the matter, Prigger? You don’t see me for two weeks and immediately forget how to have fun?”
“I know how to have fun, thank you very much. I just think gathering at one of our apartments might have been more appropriate is all.”
Richie and Tina share an amused look, and Doug, rolling his eyes, is about to reply with a witty comment when Bambi interrupts.
“Hey, regardless, this means so much. I can’t believe you did this for me.”
“To be fair,” Richie starts, his body shifting back to face where Joyce is standing, “she pulled all this off at the last minute when we told her it was your thirty-fifth.”
Bambi’s eyes follow his and, if she’s confused why Joyce would go through the trouble of organizing all of this for her, she soon realizes what Richie meant. Behind Joyce is her sister, a smile on her face, waving at her from afar, and Bambi feels her heart skip a beat. She’s here. Shelly’s here. In front of her, like nothing ever happened. She’s here and she’s alone, or at least so it seems, because Bambi is scanning the room and she can’t find Doreen, and her eyes land on Shelly again, and if they were alone she probably would have run into her arms. But they’re not, and she forces herself to not move and quietly listens to Richie as he explains just how much food Shelly’s prepared in her honor, the cocktails Tina’s come up with, and the drugs he himself brought.
“It was sort of a collective effort, but mostly hers.”
“Thank you all,” Bambi smiles, her eyes still on Shelly. “But mostly you.”
Shelly smiles and nods slightly as a humble acknowledgment of what she’s done. The blonde hasn’t stopped staring at her, doesn’t want to, until she feels Tina’s hand on her back and only then decides to look at the woman next to her.
“Go see her,” Tina whispers in her ear, and Bambi gives her a grateful look before she obeys.
She crosses the living room, is about to get to Shelly when Joyce appears in front of her, holding something wrapped in a beige paper, a red bow around it.
“This is for you.”
While Bambi appreciates the gesture, she can’t help but silently curse her for temporarily stopping her from reaching the woman she’s been desperate to talk to this whole time. Joyce waves the present in her face and Bambi eventually grabs it, rips the paper to reveal a book—Rubyfruit Jungle by Rita Mae Brown.
“It’s about a young lesbian woman from a poor family,” Joyce explains. “Published by feminist press Daughters, Inc.”
“I love it. Thanks, Joyce!”
Joyce smiles, tells Bambi she’s going to get them drinks, and the blonde, novel in hand, finally has the opportunity to approach Shelly. She’s unsure just how affectionate they can be now that she’s dating Doreen, but Shelly leans in and hugs her, and it feels so natural, so familiar, like falling back into old habits, and for an instant she wishes she could stop time to truly enjoy the moment. She’s missed Shelly a lot, more than she cares to admit, and so she holds her tight, maybe a little too tight because Shelly lets out a soft “oh,” though she doesn’t flinch, doesn’t pull away—not until Bambi does.
“Happy birthday,” Shelly says, a sweet smile on her lips.
“Thank you,” Bambi replies. “And thank you for this. It must have been such a pain to organize all this last minute.”
“Are you kidding? It’s no problem at all.”
“You didn’t have to do all that,” Bambi simply adds.
“I wanted to. You deserve a beautiful party.” She waits for an answer that never comes, and so she continues, though her voice is a little lower now. “As beautiful as you.”
For the second time this evening, Bambi has to stop herself from being too affectionate with Shelly, because if she actually listens to herself, she’d kiss her on the spot. But Shelly’s with Doreen now, she’s not hers anymore, never really was to begin with. She can’t help the pout that appears on her lips, doesn’t even realize it happened until Shelly’s eyes give her a worried look, and she’s not sure what she could even say that wouldn’t incriminate her more. She’s promised Shelly her space, and while the older woman told her she was done pretending, while she’s now proudly out as a lesbian, she’s not quite sure what that means for the two of them—though she assumes she should avoid mentioning anything that has to do with her feelings for her.
Thankfully, the doorbell rings seconds later, Doug calling on Bambi to go greet their new guests, and she’s more than happy to use that as an excuse to not explain what just happened.
She opens the door and finds a man and a woman, two persons she’s never seen in her life, and she turns to her friends with a confused look on her face—but the two of them have already made their way inside.
“Who’s the birthday girl?” The woman asks, and Doug points to Bambi who’s starting to put two and two together.
While she’s not surprised by the presence of strippers at a party organized by the Minx team, she’s more confused by the presence of two of them. Doug must have sensed it, because he explains almost immediately.
“Alright kiddo,” he says as the music changes, “I wasn’t sure which way your boat floats these days, so I figured what the hell, let’s get her both.”
“Both is great.”
“Happy birthday, Bambs. Enjoy.”
He pats her shoulder and they exchange a smile before Bambi is gently pushed onto a chair.
She doesn’t pay much attention to the male stripper, takes in the view for the sake of it, but as attractive as he is, her mind is wandering elsewhere. She’s about to give the woman the same treatment, until she is on her lap and she feels Shelly’s eyes on them, on her, and she can’t help but grin at the thought that maybe, just maybe, Shelly’s a tiny bit jealous of that woman. And so she leans into it, feels her up, maintaining eye contact with Shelly the entire time. Until Shelly empties her glass and leaves the room, that is. Bambi wants to push the stripper away, run after her, but that would be even more suspicious, and so she figures she might as well have some fun, but it’s not nearly as exhilarating when Shelly isn’t around.
While she’s enjoying the rest of the lap dance, Doug comes up to Tina from behind.
“Can I talk to you for a second?” His voice is low, an almost-whisper she pretends to have missed until he speaks again, a little louder this time. “Tins, please.”
She turns to face him but doesn’t answer, raises an eyebrow and waits for him to tell her what is on his mind.
“In private?”
“We can talk here,” she finally says, and her tone sounds drier, more irritated than she intended. He deserves it, probably, after everything that went on between the two of them, and so he decides here will do, as long as they can talk.
“Tins,” he starts again, and his voice is soft, softer than she expected, and it somewhat takes her by surprise. “I know you know what happened between me and Constance—”
“Doesn’t everyone?”
“It didn’t mean anything. If anything, it was more about you than anyone else.”
“Of course it was,” Tina scoffs. “You’re unbelievable, you know that? It’s not enough that you’ve broken my heart many times over, now you want me to believe your fucking Constance was about me? Please. You know what you are, Doug? You are selfish, and quite possibly the most confusing man I’ve ever met. Who even sleeps with a woman after buying an engagement ring for another? Really, I—”
“I’m sorry?” Doug interrupts before she even has time to finish her sentence.
“I found the ring.”
Doug is too stunned to answer, or maybe he is unsure what to say to that, because truth be told, he would never have expected the conversation to take this turn. Of course, he expected Tina to be hurt by his actions, exasperated by his apology, too, but this brand new information hits him like a truck.
“You didn’t propose,” she continues. “Why didn’t you propose?”
“What was I supposed to do, Tins? You told everyone about Paris. Everyone but me, that is. I told you you’re the first person I want to tell my news to, whether they’re good or bad, that I wanted to be that for you and all I got as an answer were mixed signals. I told you how I felt, I told you I was ready to do the work, but you were never clear about whether you wanted to do this with me or not. Do you want to do this with me or not?”
“I certainly don’t now.”
“Tina, for fuck’s sake,” he raises his voice, prompting Richie to turn around and give Tina a worried look, so he lowers it again before he continues. “I love you. I want to be with you. But then I realized you might not, considering I don’t even cross your mind when something as important as Minx International happens. So yeah, I slept with Constance, and it was stupid and selfish and unfair to you, but fuck, it came from a place of hurt. A broken man’s attempt at feeling anything other than self-hatred for seemingly losing the love of his life, really.”
Tina doesn’t answer, tears forming in her eyes and a knot in her throat, making it impossible for her to speak.
“I love you,” Doug says again, wiping the single tear that is rolling down her cheek. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry we keep hurting each other lately.”
“Me too.”
Doug opens his mouth, is about to add something else, but the rest of the group is cheering and clapping, Bambi standing up from her chair, and that tells him the show is over. Tina wipes her remaining tears away, takes a deep breath in an effort to collect herself.
“We should probably join the others now,” she simply states and, while he doesn’t want to, wants to continue this conversation, Doug nods and follows her to the other side of the room where their friends are gathered.
Drinks are flowing, music’s playing, most everyone dancing, but it doesn’t take long before Bambi excuses herself, saying she needs to go to the bathroom. She looks around, taking in the beauty of Constance’s house, her fingers tracing the furniture as she searches for the right door. She eventually does find it, Shelly in it, splashing water on her face. She knocks softly on the door so as to not startle her and waits for Shelly to notice her before she speaks.
“Everything okay?”
“Just feeling a bit off is all,” Shelly explains. “How are you? Are you having a good birthday?”
“It’s great. I’m great.”
Silence falls over the room, and both of them want to continue the conversation, but none of them dares to, at least for a moment, afraid they will say the wrong thing. Eventually, though, Bambi speaks again.
“Thank you for the party. You’ve really outdone yourself.”
“It was all Richie,” she lies, and both of them know that’s not true. Bambi stares at her with a knowing look, and Shelly can’t help but backtrack. “Okay, maybe it was a little me too.”
“A lot,” Bambi points out, prompting her to smile.
After a beat, Shelly digs into her purse, looking for something, until she finally pulls out a small, rectangular gift wrapped with care.
“This is a little, corny birthday present. Your real gift is downstairs, but I wanted to give you this when it was just the two of us.”
Intrigued, Bambi rips the paper off, and her eyes swell with tears upon seeing what’s inside. It’s a small, beautiful comb.
“I don’t know if you remember,” Shelly continues, “but the last time you come over to my house—”
“I remember. I asked if I could have the toy comb from the cereal box, and you said…”
“‘I’ll get you a comb.’ So here.”
Bambi doesn’t think about it twice, doesn’t think at all, really, because the next thing she knows, she’s closed the distance between them and her lips are on Shelly’s, until she realizes what she’s doing, realizes Shelly’s in a relationship and takes a step back. She apologizes profusely, tries to, at least, but now Shelly’s the one kissing her, and while she doesn’t feel like stopping, she pushes her away a little.
“What about Doreen?”
Shelly’s eyes fall shut for an instant, she bites her bottom lip, looks into Bambi’s gorgeous eyes.
“She’s great, she is. But she’s not you.”
“Please don’t say things you don’t mean, Shel.”
“I do mean it, though. I think part of me was afraid of my feelings for you, but they’re here, they haven’t left and I don’t think they’re going anywhere.” She pauses, expecting an answer from the blonde that never comes. “I’ve spent my entire life running away from what could make me really, truly happy because I was too scared of what might actually happen. I don’t want to anymore. I don’t want to hide, I don’t want to run.”
“What do you want then?”
Shelly doesn’t hesitate for one second. “I wanna be with you. I know I took you for granted, treated you poorly and I’m so deeply, terribly sorry, but I just—I do wanna be with you. I really do.”
“I wanna be with you, too.”
Shelly’s hand cups Bambi’s cheek, her thumb drawing circular motions on her soft skin, then pulls her in for another kiss, and this time, just like that first night at Bambi’s, it feels like time is standing still and only the two of them exist. Until Richie walks in, that is.
“Oh,” he smiles, the excitement showing on his face. “My bad, carry on.”
He winks at them before closing the door behind him, and Bambi and Shelly can’t help but share a laugh.
“We should probably go back if we don’t want to look suspicious,” Bambi says, her fingers brushing against Shelly’s. “And so we can make sure Richie doesn’t say anything until you’re ready.”
Shelly takes her hand, their fingers intertwined. “I’m ready,” she whispers as she leads her out of the bathroom.
Joyce spots them as they walk down the stairs and her eyes widen, causing Doug to follow her eyeline and he can’t help but smile at the view, elbowing Tina to make her look too. Richie, who’s taken it upon himself to document the party, can’t help but snap a picture as he says something about this being one for the annals.
“Are you okay?” Bambi asks Shelly, and she nods and squeezes her hand as an answer.
They’re still holding hands when they reach their friends, Bambi rubbing Shelly’s knuckles gently. Doug pours each of them a drink, while Joyce looks absolutely bewildered.
“When did this happen?”
“Please don’t do this,” Shelly warns her, and Joyce immediately gets defensive.
“I’m not doing anything! I am mostly just confused as to what happened here. And as to what happened to your relationship with Doreen. Forgive a girl for being surprised.”
Shelly rolls her eyes with a little shake of her head, though she does tell her she plans on talking to Doreen first thing in the morning. “Just don’t get all Joycie and ruin the evening.”
“When did I ever—” The stares from her sister and friends make her stop her sentence halfway, a wave of memories from the past couple years washing over her. “Okay, fair, I suppose.”
The music stops—the vinyl came to its end—and Richie promptly goes to change records.
“Should we go back to dancing?” He grins as he shimmies his way to the center of the room.
Shelly turns to Bambi and the smile on her face is enough of an answer for her, so she leads her to what has now turned into their dancefloor. Joyce empties her glass and joins them, leaving Doug and Tina side by side next to the table. Tina lets out a soft sigh, and Doug tentatively places a hand around her waist in an awkward side hug. For an instant, he wonders if he’s made a mistake, but Tina leans into him and he feels like he can breathe again.
“I know we’re in a place where I can’t have your hand right now,” he hesitates, and she tilts her head slightly as an unspoken question, so he continues, “but can I at least have this dance?”
“I would like that,” she smiles, and the both of them join their friends, Richie and Joyce cheering as they approach.
Bambi and Shelly barely notice them, though, too ecstatic about their reunion to notice anything else. They just keep on dancing, and kissing, and smiling—god, they can’t stop smiling—until their bodies can’t stand to be in an upward position anymore.
Later, all six of them will use Constance’s guest rooms to spend the night in, and they’ll clean the house in the morning, but until then, they’ll just keep on celebrating what is left of Bambi’s special day. And they’ll do so as the weird, dysfunctional and yet wonderful family they’ve created.