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Alan wasn't always the best drunk to be around. He could be the funny, drunkenly stupid guy with a good personality, or he could be the guy who flew off the handle at the slightest issue, OR he could be the easily depressed guy who whined endlessly.
Jesse was staying sober for this, honestly not entirely sure how she was while drunk and not wanting to find out. Sure, she'd drank before, but she never really had anyone to do so with that she trusted, so she never really had enough to let loose. She'd simply drink enough to feel relaxed and go pass out once the sleepiness hit. Alan seemed to be a whole other animal, though. While he was normally pretty reserved, he seemed to love being social once he'd gotten enough drinks in him.
That made things hard for Jesse right now. She didn't know how to be social enough for this. She was watching after him to make sure he wasn't a threat, and she hoped this moonshine would provide them with the answers they needed. Alan had seemed so sure it would bring back the memories he'd lost, and they didn't have any other active leads they could act upon at the moment. She figured 'what the hell' and went along with it.
She hadn't expected him to be so comfortable with her. There was more than one occasion where he'd gotten close to her and seemed exceedingly interested in getting to know her. She wasn't used to someone so fascinated with her beyond Emily. His questions didn't feel intrusive, so she didn't mind answering what she could. In fact, they found that they shared a lot of similar experiences along the way. She was caught off guard, however, when Alan heard what little she managed to reveal about her time in Ordinary and proceeded to pull her into a hug.
A hug. The action felt so foreign to her. She almost pushed him away until she realized, well, she actually enjoyed it. It was comforting and warm, and she felt her stomach fill with butterflies. While she'd never admit to it, she also enjoyed his scent and the feeling of his beard brushing against her cheek. She hesitantly returned the hug, not wanting it to end too soon.
She knew not to let herself get too attached. There were plenty of reasons not to, from her job to the fact he was clearly very devoted to his wife. There was no way it would work out. So, like every other opportunity she had to possibly gain a smidge of happiness, she snuffed out the want before it could get out of control. Despite those efforts, however, she found her heart hurting once he devolved into the depressed drunk. The amount of times he mentioned missing Alice only made her throat clench up and her stomach twist into knots.
Just like anyone else she ever had in her life, he was unavailable to her.
She hoped he would become the passed out drunk soon. She needed to go train with the rangers and get out some rage. This was not what she signed up for when she took on the responsibility of keeping watch over him.