Work Text:
Alan stared at the emails with mixed feelings. If these ended up being real and not something The Dark Place created just to mess with him, then at least Barry seemed to be doing well. He took in shallow breaths as he tried not to feel jealous and lost. He was happy for Barry for moving on and focusing on his health, but there was a small part of him that hated that. Barry was a good friend. Alan knew this all too well. He, however, felt like all those years facing the world together had meant less to Barry than to him. He gave Barry a hard time back then, but if Barry had been the one lost, Alan felt like he would've continued looking for him this entire time.
It just didn't seem fair.
Yet, he knew deep down that it was more fair than he wanted to admit. After all, how often did he use Barry as motivation to get out of here? He focused so much on Alice that Barry often fell to the wayside in his efforts. Sure, he made sure that whatever writing of his that included Barry had been good for the man, but that didn't hold a candle to the pedestal he'd put Alice on. Alice was the goal. Alice was the motivation. Alice was his perfect ending.
Barry was just a side character in his life story, and that didn't seem like it would change anytime soon.
"I'm sorry, buddy. You deserve a much better friend than I am. Thanks for looking out for everything I left behind. You're honestly too good for me." Alan stepped away from the computer, sighing softly as he continued investigating the apartment. When he got out of here, he'd have to make sure to show Barry how much he appreciated him. He deserved better, and Alan hoped he could one day be worthy of him.