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Jake straightened up as the conference room’s door swung open to admit the Admiral whose arrival they had been waiting for. These kinds of debriefings had to be presided over by someone of a high enough rank outside of Jake’s direct chain of command, Cyclone had explained to Jake already whilst he clarified exactly what they were doing here and why Jake wasn’t yet allowed to go home. Though Jake was desperate to escape, to sleep, to bury himself in all the creature comforts he thought he had long since earned at this point, he knew he had to keep himself together a little while longer. For the sake of professionalism. He therefore braced to stand alongside Cyclone and his assistants accordingly, wishing his everything didn’t ache even half so much as it did.
“Stay seated, Seresin,” Cyclone murmured, likely clocking the agony which splayed across Jake’s expression when he struggled to follow through on the requisite gesture of respect towards a superior officer. Jake fought to catch his breath, smiling his thanks whilst his ribs protested against every single movement he made. “No one’s going to begrudge you skipping formalities this afternoon.”
“I’m fine, thank you, sir.”
Cyclone nodded in response, his face a picture of impassive scepticism. “Admiral Chambers,” he said, ignoring Jake now to reach across the boardroom table and shake Chambers’ hand. “Good to see you.”
“And you, Simpson,” Chambers replied in a similarly apathetic tone. “Wish it was under different circumstances, but we never seem to find the time, eh?” They exchanged a few more meaningless pleasantries while Chambers and the support staff he had brought along made themselves comfortable along the opposite side of the table to Jake and those here to represent him. “Lieutenant Seresin,” Chambers cleared his throat as he hooked his glasses down his nose for long enough to make eye contact before resetting them and scrutinising the paperwork now spread in front of him instead. “How’re you feeling?”
Jake huffed a quiet laugh to himself as he repeated the last thing that he himself had said, “fine. Thank you, sir.”
“Well, I’d say it’s no time to act like a hero, son, but then we’d have no reason to be here now, would we?” Chambers didn’t look up again as he asked that so he missed the awkward smile Jake pasted on to acknowledge it. He couldn’t figure out how seriously he should be taking him. The teasing felt out of place in this kind of setting, but no one else was reacting to it like Chambers was acting out of character. “As you should have been briefed by now,” Chambers continued, “we will be conducting a full investigation into your conduct whilst on secondment with the Dagger Squadron, primarily with a view to determining the cause for your failure to follow approved orders and operate within the mission parameters as part of the special detachment you were commissioned to take part in. A hearing will be scheduled once that investigation has concluded in order to review the findings and determine the nature of any disciplinary action should that be deemed necessary. This is just a preliminary meeting to set out our intentions, and to answer any questions you might have at the beginning of this process?”
There was a long stretch of silence before Jake realised that he was expected to respond. “Oh, right. I don’t… have any questions, that is. Thank you, sir.”
“Excellent,” Chambers said, breezing past Jake’s current gracelessness like it wasn’t even happening. Whether that was because he was too wrapped up in his own world, or that he was courteous enough to forgive Jake for it when he was quite clearly off form at the moment, Jake couldn’t quite tell. “We’re just waiting for my Lead Investigator and then we can get stuck in with the details. You speak up if you need a break at any point, son. I’ve seen the medical reports. I’m amazed you’re even sitting upright, if you don’t mind my saying so.”
“You’ll find Seresin here is one for exceeding expectations,” Cyclone murmured archly, sounding equal parts proud and derisive.
Chambers grinned like that prospect pleased him, but before he could respond, the door opened again.
Jake stiffened at the sight of Chambers’ Lead Investigator.
If he had been even a fraction more switched on this afternoon, he might have thought to expect this, but as it was, he felt rattled to his core and had to stifle the groan he wanted to breathe out when his aches and bruises twinged in protest of the sudden way his back straightened.
“Bradshaw, impeccable timing as always,” Chambers said as the door snicked shut.
“Thank you, sir,” Bradshaw replied, his fingers flexing around the folder he was holding. He positioned himself at the end of the table closest to the door and met his superior officer’s eye without looking anywhere else in the room. “Um,” he cleared his throat and offered Chambers a tight smile. “Sir, I’ve had a look through the preliminary details as requested and I’m afraid I have to recuse myself from this investigation.”
There was another long silence as that announcement settled over the room. Jake felt somewhat heartened by the fact that he wasn’t the only one who seemed utterly blindsided by it.
“Is that right?” Chambers eventually asked, cocking his head when Bradshaw nodded. “For what reason.”
“Conflict of interest, sir.” Bradshaw moved to Chambers’ side, placing the folder he had been holding in front of him and flipping it open to point something out before resuming position at the end of the table again, all without seeming to look anywhere but at the Admiral the entire time. Jake started out straining to catch his attention in what he hoped was a subtle manner, but gave up soon enough when he realised that, so far as Bradshaw was concerned, his presence wasn’t worth acknowledging even in a periphery manner at the moment. He wanted to meet his eye at least once out of a sadistic need for reassurance, hoping that that might do something to curb the mounting sense of dread building inside him, but it seemed Bradshaw had bigger priorities than checking in on him. “I’ve taken the liberty of reaching out to Patterson,” Bradshaw continued, earning himself a coded frown from Chambers which Jake didn’t have the wider context to understand. “He’s closing out the Dunston investigation this afternoon, but he said he would be available for debriefing first thing in the morning.”
“Got it all straightened out, haven’t you, Bradshaw,” Chambers mused as he flipped through a few more pages of the folder and hummed with evident amusement over whatever was recorded there.
“I wouldn’t want my involvement to overcomplicate matters, sir,” Bradshaw retorted, seeming to share in whatever joke only the two of them knew about. “Apologies for the inconvenience.”
“No apologies necessary, son, this should’ve noted before assignment,” Chambers conceded. “Go wait in my office, will you? I would like to discuss this further.”
“Yes, sir.” Bradshaw nodded respectfully in his direction and then snapped his gaze to meet Cyclone’s eye, seemingly skipping over Jake in the process. “Admiral,” he added with another deferential nod before turning to leave the room just as abruptly as he had entered.
Jake felt every bit of composure he had been harbouring before now drain away from him the moment that Bradshaw was gone. His tinnitus was playing up, his ribs were an iron brand of pain encircling his chest, the adrenaline which had been carrying him through these proceedings so far ebbed away, and his hands were shaking enough that he felt the need to clench them into fists and hide them under the table. If he could have curled up himself in the same manner and stayed out of sight until this whole situation was resolved without him, he would have. He had almost died, saved lives, been shot down, was beaten and bruised to the point that he must be at least a dozen different colours by now, and had only returned to North Island with the rest of the Daggers earlier that morning after a two-week round trip to participate in what was projected to have been a suicide mission. It was too much. He wasn’t even supposed to be alive right now. It wasn’t fair that he had to suffer through this bullshit on top of it. Especially not when the rest of the Daggers had already been dismissed for the day, when Pete couldn’t be here for moral support because his injuries were bad enough that he was still sequestered in the medical wing. This meeting was the last thing Jake needed. Luckily for him however, he supposed, no one seemed to notice how his ever-growing anxiety was spiralling out of control in the wake of Bradshaw’s exit.
“Care to clue us in, Chambers?” Cyclone asked with a speculative frown.
“Ah,” Chambers chuckled awkwardly as his gaze flickered to Jake’s like he was expecting something. There was a second’s pause in which Jake felt like he couldn’t breathe before the Admiral released him from scrutiny and flashed a warm smile at Cyclone instead. “That’s Bradley Bradshaw,” he explained with emphasis on his forename like it was significant. “Disappointed as I am to lose one of my best investigators here, I can appreciate his prudence in flagging that for us now. He has personal history with Captain Mitchell.”
Cyclone took a breath like something there had struck a nerve. “I was under the impression Captain Mitchell had been cleared of any wrongdoing with that particular incident?”
“He was,” Chambers smiled again. “They’re very close. Maverick had a big hand in raising him from what I understand… not that that’s at all relevant to these proceedings. Best to keep things above board, don’t you think, Simpson?”
“Of course.”
Chambers delved into the actual debriefing they had been assembled for then, casting aside everything Bradshaw’s brief appearance had dredged up in favour of setting out what was required from Jake over the next few weeks whilst the investigation was conducted and the potential repercussions which he might end up facing depending on each particular outcome. “I think, on that note, we may as well wrap up,” Chambers announced close to an hour later. “I’ll need some time to debrief with my newly appointed Lead Investigator before we can continue any further.”
“Understood,” Cyclone replied. “Don’t hesitate to ask if there’s anything you need from my office.”
“Much obliged, Simpson.” Chambers stood, leading everyone except from Jake to do the same in a sudden flurry of action. Jake eased to his feet in his own time whilst the two Admirals shook hands across the table again, the both of them seemingly looking the other way as he breathed through the pain whilst straightening up. “Seresin,” Chambers added, fixing him with the kind of discerning stare which made him feel much too exposed for his own good. “Get some rest, son, we’ll be in touch in due course.”
“Thank you, sir.”
Jake didn’t remember much of anything in the time between when Cyclone dismissed him and when he arrived home. His mind had checked out more or less in time with when his painkillers wore off. He needed to take more, he knew, that was the responsible thing to do, but there was a peculiar mix of reluctance to take his medicine and desperation to stay lucid motivating him right now. Time passed strangely with how disconnected he had become. Jake had no idea how long he had been braced against the kitchen counter for, breathing through the agony and trying to figure out what his next biggest priority was, when he heard the front door slam shut.
“Bradshaw,” Jake drawled as he turned around, not needing to check first to know who it was. He was in no way mentally prepared for this, but he would be damned if he didn’t face it head on just like he had every other hurdle dropped in his path today. “As I live and breathe.”
“You look like shit.”
Jake scoffed, “I’m good.”
“No, you’re not.”
“I am,” Jake insisted, regretting the decision to cross his arms over his chest the moment that he made it but following through anyway because doing otherwise would have constituted conceding the battle. “Too good to be true, in fact.”
“Whose benefit is this whole act for exactly?” Bradley asked, easing further into the lean he had settled against the doorjamb with. He looked better than he had in the conference room, mostly because now he was relaxed in his posture rather than standing to attention. His uniform fit him like a glove and yet he still managed to wear it like there was some big joke only he was in on. He had his arms crossed too, though he looked far more comfortable in himself than Jake assumed he must. “I read the reports, Jake, and there isn’t anyone else here worth keeping up the front for…”
“Who says it’s an act?”
Bradley raised his brows with blatant scepticism, making his displeasure with everything about Jake’s attitude clear the same way he always did. “I do.”
“What the hell would you know?”
“You.” Jake scoffed again but before he could argue back again Bradley added, “you know, Dr Masters seemed convinced you were gonna follow her instructions about taking your meds and resting properly… it’s gonna suck breaking her heart when I report back that you’re ignoring everything she said.” Jake grumbled over the accusation; voice too low for the words he wanted to say to actually be understood. “Hm?” Bradley added in that patronising way only he could manage. “What was that?”
“I don’t wanna pass out yet.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not a fucking victim, Bradley.”
“No one said you were.”
“How the hell do you even know who my doctor was?” Jake asked, outright ignoring Bradley’s attempt at empathy. “You recused yourself from the investigation.”
“You know damn well I don’t need to be part of the investigation to access your medical records.”
Jake scoffed a third time, wondering why he had felt the need to set himself up so easily. “Been a minute since you felt the need to throw your weight around like that…”
“Been a minute since you put me in a position where I needed to.”
They stared at one another for a long moment before Bradley shrugged himself away from the doorjamb and stalked forwards. Jake was powerless to defend himself. He always had been. Bradley loved to take advantage of that. Jake felt pinned against the counter long before Bradley stopped in front of him with palms braced either side of his waist, even though there was a significant measure of real estate still left between them. Bradley likely thought he was being respectful, when really, he was just making things so much worse than he could ever imagine. Jake was already struggling to breathe, after all, he didn’t need this added on top of it.
“Anyway, I don’t need the investigation as an excuse to keep track of what’s going on with you.”
“Why do you even care?”
“You put your entire career on the line because you couldn’t follow orders, Jake.”
“Pete would’ve died if I hadn’t gone back for him.”
“I didn’t say you were wrong,” Bradley shrugged. “There’s a reason why I called Patterson,” he added with a leading tone like he wanted Jake to ask him about it. When Jake clenched his jaw instead of indulging him, Bradley sighed. “He’s the only one I trust to handle this properly.”
“I didn’t ask you to do that.”
“You didn’t have to.” Jake ran his tongue along the backs of his teeth, struggling to take stock of his emotions and make sense of how he was supposed to be feeling when he had the pain and Bradley’s proximity acting as the worst combination of distractions. “I wasn’t sure whether I’d actually find you here,” Bradley admitted in a lower tone as his eyes darted over Jake’s face. “I almost went to the place you’d been assigned on base first.”
“Why wouldn’t I be here? I own half of this house.”
“Yeah, you didn’t seem all that bothered about coming home while you were training though, did you?”
“I didn’t need the distraction,” Jake said, even though that was only partly true. Bradley had been away assisting on an investigation in Lemoore during the few weeks lead up to the Daggers mission. Coincidence or kismet, Jake still couldn’t tell. All he had known at the time was that he not only hated coming home to an empty house, but also facing all the evidence of the life Bradley led here without him while he wasn’t there to contextualise it. Accepting the offer which had been extended about accommodation on base was the prudent solution at the time. Jake couldn’t bring himself to regret that decision now even if he had likely chosen wrong.
Bradley scoffed, “is that what I am now? A distraction?”
“You really think I needed to be dealing with all our shit before that mission?”
Bradley sucked in a deep breath as he leaned in even closer. “You don’t need to be dealing with it now either and yet here you are.”
“Yeah, sue me for wanting to sleep in my own bed for the night.”
“Oh,” Bradley tutted like he was disappointed. “Baby, we both know there’s more to it than that.”
Jake huffed out a scornful laugh, even though they both knew Bradley had hit the bullseye with his eyes closed. “Mighty confident there, aren’t we, Bradshaw?”
“Well, I did have my doubts when your case first landed in my lap…” Bradley took another deep breath, his nose so close to Jake’s neck this time it felt more like he was scenting him than anything else. He raised his left hand from the counter to cup Jake’s jaw and smoothed his thumb over Jake’s cheekbone. It was an achingly gentle gesture, but Jake couldn’t focus on that part when his attention had zeroed in on the cold band of metal now pressed against his skin. He hadn’t been expecting it that to the point that he hadn’t even bothered looking out for it before now. “Then I saw you wearing your ring.”
“So?”
“I wanted to leap across that fucking table as soon as I noticed but-”
“You don’t have to go rewriting history just to stroke my ego, Bradley.”
“Oh, I can assure you I’m not,” Bradley promised as his hand eased backwards to settle at the back of Jake’s neck, fingertips kneading slightly in the way that had always made his knees weaker than he wished. “It’s not my fault you were so out of it you didn’t notice.” Jake scoffed, not quite believing him even though he knew this wasn’t what Bradley sounded like when he was lying. “Vector called me out for how distracted I was in his office, said it was the least professional he’d ever seen me.”
“What, you want a fucking medal for someone noticing you care or something?”
Bradley shrugged, “couldn’t hurt.”
“He also said your conflict of interest was all to do with Pete,” Jake snapped, hoping the hurt in his tone wasn’t as obvious as it sounded to his own ears. It wasn’t like he had wanted the entire room privy to anything even remotely close to the details of his relationship status, but being relegated off of Bradley’s list of priorities like that had been far from an enjoyable experience. “He didn’t say anything about me.”
“You know that was just to respect our privacy, right?”
“I don’t know what I know.”
“Trust me,” Bradley said as he inched his fingers up to start carding through Jake’s hair. “You were my reason, but Vector knows how shitty it can be getting unnecessarily outed at work when you least expect it. He said he made a judgement call and that Pete was the safer option to blame my behaviour on. Which I don’t blame him for in the slightest when you look like a light breeze would snap you in two right about now.”
Jake sighed out a frustrated breath, unsure how he was supposed to feel but confident that now was the absolute worst time for him to try and make a go of figuring things out. It felt like he was conceding a lot of ground when he did so, but he couldn’t stop himself from whispering, “I don’t know what you want from me, Bradley.”
“I don’t want anything.” Jake rolled his eyes, nowhere close to believing that. “I need you to take your painkillers, baby. And then I need to get you into bed, and I need you to let me take care of you for once, and-”
“Bradley,” Jake murmured in a warning tone as his own hands moved of their own accord to lock around Bradley’s waist. He wasn’t quite sure whether he was trying to stop or encourage him from crossing this line, but either way it wasn’t enough when Bradley was already leagues ahead of him and using every single inch of that advantage to his benefit.
“And at some point in the very near future,” Bradley continued like he hadn’t been interrupted, taking a wrecking ball to every last one of the defences Jake still had up against him, “I need us to have a long overdue conversation about closing our marriage again.”
Jake felt like he must have choked on his own tongue for how quickly he lost what little air he had left in his lungs. Yes, that was what he wanted too. Yes, that was what he had been angling for when he snuck his wedding ring from his dog tags back onto his finger for the first time in more than a year whilst the Daggers were still en-route back to North Island. Yes, that was what he had hoped would be on the cards for them the moment he came back home instead of heading to the soulless, faceless, copy paste style apartment he had been assigned when he first got recalled to Top Gun last month… none of that meant he was necessarily ready to broach the subject however.
The truth was that he could be a coward when it came to the things that truly mattered.
There was a reason why they had needed to open their relationship in the first place, after all.
Jake and Bradley were somehow simultaneously the best and worst couple in the world. They were the kind of people who blew hot and cold at a rate neither of them had ever been able to make sense of. Who fell into bed together under the guise of friends with benefits without properly setting boundaries when they first met and then still managed to act surprised when things got complicated. Who made breaking up and getting back together a competitive sport. Who married on a whim when they were in a good place, but somehow never managed to finalise their divorce no matter how dire things were when they were in a bad one. Who had technically been together for almost eleven years, married for the best part of nine of them, and yet still sometimes found living together a challenge. Who struggled with the inherent loneliness of the long-distance relationship their careers demanded of them, but point blank refused to ever truly kick the addiction that was their love for one another. Who had somehow conflated the concepts of a trial separation and an open relationship to the point that most people who knew Jake nowadays never truly believed him when he said he had a living, breathing husband out in there in the world for him to come home to when he was ready to try being married for the billionth time.
They were each other’s kryptonite, that much was irrefutable.
There wasn’t much Jake knew to be true in this world aside from the fact that they deserved one another.
“Is that what you want?” He asked, well aware before the words even left his mouth that it was a redundant question.
“I started wearing my ring again six months ago.”
Jake jerked backwards fast enough that his ribcage burned in protest and made his voice sound that much more breathless than it would have been anyway from sheer shock over that revelation. “What? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t want to be a distraction,” Bradley murmured, his tone sounding much too calm and collected for his own good as his one hand started kneading at the back of Jake’s neck again and the other came up to smooth along the back of his ribs like he was trying to erase all the pain with nothing more than the ghost of his fingertips. It didn’t work, but it was comforting enough anyway that Jake supposed it didn’t really matter. “Baby, you’ve been on back-to-back deployments all that time. Contrary to what you like to believe, I do know how to pick my moments when it matters.”
“But we agreed to tell each other.” Jake sucked in an agonisingly panicked breath as he realised the massive discrepancy between them. “I only put mine on two days ago, Bradley.”
“Yeah, I figured as much.”
“I’ve been with someone else in the last six months,” Jake said, the words starting at a slightly elevated volume but ending in a whisper. His fingers clutched at the fabric covering Bradley’s back, half tempted to rip it to shreds in the wake of his mounting frustration.
“I figured that too, Jake. It doesn’t matter.”
“This doesn’t work if we don’t stick to the rules, Bradley. You know that.”
Bradley’s lips puckered with disgust at the reminder Jake was hinting at but it was a fair one. Proper, clear, and constant communication was the most important rule, but it wasn’t the only one. Dating other people was fine, but nothing long-term or serious. Knowing names was fine, not remembering them. Strangers were fine, people they knew were forbidden. Kissing and fucking and whatever the hell else they wanted or needed at any given moment was fine, so long as they were safe about it, so long as they never brought it home, and so long as they didn’t leave those encounters with anything which might constitute a memento. Jake was the one who had made the big, near fatal mistake way back when they had first been testing the waters of what it meant to be married and yet still seeing other people which had nearly destroyed them, getting drunk enough the last night before a temporary detachment concluded that he thought it was appropriate to celebrate by following one of his soon to be ex-squad mates into a bathroom stall. It was something Bradley might have been able to forgive outright if that had been the only infraction, but then Jake returned home to a delighted reception which quickly turned sour as Bradley had the opportunity to catalogue the scratch marks still fading down his back from where Jake’s wingman had dug her nails in deep in the midst of her orgasm.
Once they had both had the requisite time and space to cool off in the wake of the bitter fight which that particular discovery had sparked, they spent long enough renegotiating their arrangement until the rules were not just established but branded in the back of their minds.
At least, that was the impression Jake had been left with when their jobs next forced them to part ways for a while.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“There was a guy…” Bradley admitted with a sigh. Jake hummed encouragingly, summoning the patience to wait for a real explanation as Bradley leaned into him even further, going so far as to rest their foreheads together like he was seeking the strength he needed to continue speaking. “It was, um,” Bradley swallowed, “we had dinner plans but there was an issue with the reservation so we ended up just walking around for a while instead and we passed by that Mexican place we used to go to all the time when we first started dating. He suggested stopping there since, you know, it was fucking empty, like always…” Jake puffed out a short, pained exhale at both the reminder of how crappy that place was and how much they loved it anyway as well as the thought of Bradley ever going there with someone else. “I know,” Bradley snorted like he could read Jake’s mind, “I cut things off right there and then and I had my ring on before I even got back home that night. It’s not a rule, I know, but it still felt like crossing a line I didn’t want to cross.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I wasn’t ready to at the time.”
“That’s not fair.”
“I know.” Bradley straightened up enough to look Jake in the eye, his hand coming back around to cradle the side of his face so that he could brush his thumb along his cheekbone again. “I’m sorry, baby, but-”
“Why?”
Bradley took a careful breath before confessing, “I want to close things for good, Jake. I want to be a couple again.” Jake felt a burst of anger fuelled despair ricochet through him at the realisation that Bradley looked and sounded like he was terrified of being rejected, at the thought that he hadn’t trusted Jake to follow through on all the agreements they had made about how this would work if and when one or both of them ever reached this stage. He set his jaw as he tried his best to actually listen to what Bradley was saying however, reluctant to give in to a kneejerk reaction and make things even worse than they already felt. “I don’t regret this doing this, we definitely needed it for a while, but I’m done with crutches and I’m not interested in being with people who aren’t my husband anymore.”
“And you didn’t think I deserved to be included in this thought process before now?”
“Jake-”
“No.” Jake’s patience snapped against his better judgement. He shoved Bradley away from him, lacking the strength he truly needed but still managing to make Bradley stagger backwards thanks to the surprise element. Though the effort exacerbated every ache and pain he was dealing with, Jake couldn’t bring himself to care when he was too busy trying to figure out the right way to express himself. “You read the fucking reports, Bradley. I nearly died and you didn’t think I deserved to know you wanted to be married again? We talked a million fucking times in the last six months and you didn’t think it was worth a mention at least once?”
“Would you have been ready to hear it before now?” Bradley asked, crossing his arms over his chest as if to restrain himself as he kept his distance for now.
“That’s not the point.”
“Yes, it is. It took you nearly dying to put yours on again, Jake. You can’t pretend that doesn’t mean anything.”
“I’m not saying it doesn’t, I’m saying I deserved to know when your feelings changed. That’s what we agreed.”
“I didn’t want it to turn into an ultimatum,” Bradley said with a shrug. “I didn’t want to put you in a position where you felt like you had no choice.”
“We’re supposed to be a team, Bradley. We’re supposed to make these decisions together.”
“Baby-”
“I get to be pissed about this.”
“I know-”
“Stop acting so fucking reasonable!” Jake shouted, raising his hands to card through his hair but aborting the movement halfway through when his everything protested. He hissed, once to vent his frustration and then again when he flinched backwards as Bradley moved to reach for him. “No, don’t touch me.”
“Sorry.” Bradley held his hands up, palms facing Jake like he wanted to look as harmless and nonthreatening as possible. “I’m sorry, just-” he sighed. “Just take it easy, baby, you’re gonna hurt yourself if you’re not careful.”
“I’m finding it really fucking hard not to hate you right now,” Jake muttered, turning around to brace his hands against the counter as he glared out the window, preferring to look at the gradually darkening sky over Bradley’s hangdog expression.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah, I don’t really care how you feel about me right now, Jake, so long as you’re alive to feel it.” Jake didn’t necessarily feel Bradley move any closer, but he sensed he had come to stand directly behind him, just a fraction shy of touching, before he spoke again. “I read the reports, Jake,” he added, his voice lower and his tone that much more haunted than before. “Vector dumped the case on me last minute yesterday and I spent the entire goddamn night in the office reading every single detail about how my husband had been shot down behind enemy lines and lived to tell the tale over and over again trying to make sense of what happened.” Jake flinched as he felt Bradley’s breath puff against the back of his neck when he scoffed, strung much too tight to react to anything Bradley was doing now in a rational way. “I could’ve come home too, Jake, if I’d known you were back here for training. We could’ve… you knew what that mission was the entire time and you didn’t-”
“It was classified, Bradley.”
“You still could’ve said something.”
“It’s not the same.”
“Yes, it is,” Bradley murmured, easing his arms around Jake’s waist with achingly slow movements, clearly trying to project what he could to make sure he didn’t inadvertently hurt Jake by catching him off guard. He curled protectively around Jake as he hooked his chin over his shoulder. They ended up pressed as close as they physically could be together. One of Bradley’s hands rested over Jake’s heart whilst the other clenched into his uniform shirt tight enough to threaten the loss of at least one or two buttons. “I almost lost you, baby,” Bradley whispered as he ghosted his lips against Jake’s temple. “I am sorry for not telling you about how I felt sooner, and we do need to talk about this stupid fucking mission at some point, but that’s all pretty low down on my list of concerns right now, so can we please just get you into bed before you keel over and come back to the rest of it later?”
“So long as we do actually come back to it.”
“We will,” Bradley promised without hesitation. He sucked in a short breath before adding in a quieter voice, “I love you.”
Jake squeezed his eyes shut against the riot of emotions in the back of his mind, reluctant to analyse them for any longer than was needed to identify that affection was the greatest one. “I’m so fucking mad at you,” he said as he came to terms with the fact that he would inevitably forgive Bradley for his mistakes, just like Bradley would with him in return. That they would somehow figure all of this out in their own way and likely wind up feeling even stronger as a couple than ever before. He smiled therefore against his better judgement when Bradley chuckled silently behind him and took a breath before giving everything of himself over to the tender and attentive care of his husband for the first time in longer than he could remember. “I love you, too.”