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It's almost midnight when Rene hears a knock on his door.
He's sitting on his bed, reading some semi-interesting book he borrowed from the Institute's library, illuminated by nothing but a simple oil lamp on his nightstand. It's raining outside - has been for the past few hours - the raindrops on his window and occasional thunder in the distance providing a soothing background noise.
"Come in."
He doesn't need to raise his head to see who it is that opens the door, but he still does.
"I had a n-nightmare", Jakob says quietly, looking at the floor, the tear stains on his cheeks evidence of him clearly having cried a few minutes prior. "Can I sleep with you?"
He sounds embarrassed yet hopeful- it's been a while since he's had a nightmare terrible enough for him to sneak over to his brother's room in the middle of the night. But with all those things happening recently...
Rene gives him a reassuring smile.
"Of course you can", he says, scoots over a little on his bed and pats the empty space next to him. Jakob's eyes light up and he almost looks like he's about to start crying again from sheer relief. It's very obvious he was afraid of being told something like he's "too old for this."
He quickly walks across the room and lies down on the bed and under the blanket. Rene can feel the mattress shift under the combined weight of them both.
"Thank you", Jakob says, barely audible. He's lying on his side, facing away from him, clearly not wanting Rene to see his face. Rene smiles again. "No worries", he replies earnestly. "I know nightmares can be scary."
He, too, still gets them sometimes - but he doesn't dwell on them too much. There are way more important things he's concerned about right now.
Jakob nods, but says nothing.
They lie in silence for a while. Rene shifts his gaze back towards his book, listening to the calming sounds of the rain outside and Jakob's steady breathing next to him. He absentmindedly wonders whether he fell asleep already - it wouldn't be the first time of Jakob complaining about not being able to fall asleep and then drifting off within minutes as soon as Rene's next to him. It was like this back when they were in the desert too, and at the orphanage, and maybe even before that.
It's concerning sometimes - the fact that Jakob seems to be incredibly dependent on him, and part of Rene wonders if this is partly his own fault, if he made Jakob that way.
There's a low thunder in the distance.
He dismisses the thought - it's not like he has plans of leaving Jakob alone anytime soon, so this unhealthy dependence of his shouldn't pose too big of a problem for now anyway.
They will heal with time, as all people do.
He raises his hand to turn a page. Another thunder strikes.
"I had a nightmare about Carter," Jakob suddenly says next to him and Rene freezes.
He was hoping it wasn't about this, but he had a hunch.
"I... I'm scared. I know it was my idea, but what if we m-mess up? What if it doesn't work and we just make it worse? I don't want to lose him... I'm so scared of him suffering even more because of this... if tomorrow..."
Rene holds his breath, waiting for the other to continue.
"In that dream... Carter turned into one of those w-wolves from the desert... it was so terrifying... he started bleeding everywhere, and I could see his bones poking through his f-flesh, and... I...I know it wasn't real, but... what if... I thought it was a good idea, but now I..."
Rene closes his book and lays it on his nightstand before turning towards the person next to him and touching his back, not missing how he almost flinches at the touch.
"Look at me", he says gently and Jakob obediently sits up and turns around to do so.
As he always does. He's always looking at him.
"I'm sorry, I know it's s-stupid", he whispers, voice shaking, but Rene interrupts him by putting his hands on the other's shoulders.
"What are you apologizing for? It's alright", Rene reassures him. As he always does.
"Don't be scared. It's gonna work out. You trust me, don't you? I wouldn't lie to you, now would I?"
Jakob shakes his head silently, pressing his lips together, clearly trying his best not to cry.
"Think about it logically - it worked on you, so there's no reason as to why it wouldn't work on Carter as well. He's gonna get better in no time and you'll be able to go on walks with him, show him around the city. We'll go on a picnic again, with him and the others. Okay?"
He subconsciously tightens his grip on Jakob's shoulders.
"He'll be so grateful to us for saving him, you'll see. And when Alain sees him, he'll surely be convinced to help us. Doesn't that sound nice? We won't be alone anymore. So don't cry, okay? I'm here."
"Rene..."
Jakob doesn't look entirely convinced, but he nods again, albeit while averting his gaze.
"Y-Youre right", he says, hesitating. "I'm sorry I'm such a burden on you. You always have to take care of me... I know I'm not as smart and capable as Alain or Ann... I promised not to cry anymore, but it's all too much..."
Rene sighs and lets go of the other's shoulders, instead taking his face between his hands, and Jakob immediately starts shaking again, eyes wide and shining with unshed tears.
"Don't say that", he says sternly. "You're not a burden on me at all. Didn't I tell you before? You're the only one I can rely on. Also, you're special. You're way more powerful than all those useless researchers here combined. Alain is smart, but that guy hasn't seen and experienced the things we have. So please stop making that face. It's going to be fine. I promise."
He brushes his thumb over Jakob's cheek and leans in to gently press a kiss on his forehead, just like when they were children, huddling together for warmth and comfort, when they both had nightmares about people bleeding everywhere.
Jakob turns unbelievably red and starts stuttering incoherent syllables. "Wh- Rene..."
Rene smiles again - he's usually not the type to smile much, but it seems to calm Jakob down. At least most of the time - right now he doesn't look calm at all.
"Try to get some sleep now, yes? We have a busy day ahead of us after all."
He lets go of Jakob's face and moves to turn off the lamp on his nightstand, but gets startled by a surprisingly quick and strong hand grabbing his wrist before he can fully turn around.
Jakob stares at him, deep blush creeping up his neck, mouth agape as if wanting to say something.
Rene closes his eyes for a short second to collect himself before smiling again, and Jakob hastily lets go of his wrist as if burned.
"S-Sorry-"
"What is it?"
"I- Can-"
"Hm?"
Rene glances towards Jakob's clenched fist, still almost feeling its grip on his wrist- he wasn't expecting that kind of strength. He absentmindedly brushes his fingers over the spot and a shiver runs down his spine. Maybe this really is...
"R-Rene... can we kiss...?"
"Huh?"
He immediately looks back towards Jakob, who's seemingly still trying very hard not to cry, though not quite succeeding - he instead opts to hide his face behind his hands, visibly mortified that Rene can see his tears and intense blush.
"I- S-Sorry, forget what I said, I-"
Admittedly, the question caught him quite off guard, but he's nonetheless intrigued - he's never given it much thought. There really are more important things that take up the majority of this thoughts, but it would be a lie if he said if he wasn't at least a little bit curious as to what it feels like. And isn't this too just another part of being human?
"No, it's alright", he says calmly. "We can."
Another thunder strikes in the distance.
Jakob nervously lowers his hands and looks at him with a mixture between disbelief and embarrassment - and maybe something else that he can't quite discern.
He starts opening his mouth again, most likely to insist he wasn't serious, and to beg Rene to please just forget what he said, but he's already scooting closer to him, gently touching his face once more.
"Rene-", he starts to say, but is interrupted by Rene tilting his head slightly and moving in to kiss him.
Jakob lets out a surprised sound and immediately starts trembling almost uncontrollably, hands moving up to clutch at Rene's sleeves, yet never moving away.
It's not quite like Rene expected, but it's still oddly pleasant and he almost gets a little lightheaded when they keep kissing.
He isn't particularly attracted to Jakob, or anyone else for that matter, regardless of gender, but he starts to understand why there are countless books and songs and stories about this - this really feels like what he imagines "being human" means, a concept he has never really been able to connect to all his life.
It feels intimate, and like he's a real person.
When he tilts his head further to deepen the kiss, Jakob lets out a little whimper and moves his trembling hands to Rene's back to cling to him until they almost topple over, Rene gently pushing him into the sheets and hovering over him - when he deepens the kiss even further, he suddenly realizes with a shiver that the inside of Jakob's mouth is freezing cold.
"Rene...", he says again as soon as they pull apart, breathing heavily, and Rene once again notices tears on his cheeks and in the corners of his eyes.
"Yes?"
"Have you... done this with someone else before?"
Rene's heart skips a beat for some reason - he suddenly becomes acutely aware of the fact that Jakob seems to be incredibly nervous and anxious not just about what they were doing, but also the thought of Rene having done this with someone else.
"No", he answers truthfully - but he probably would have answered the same if that wasn't the case.
Would he do this with Alain or Mary-Ann if they asked him to? Most likely. But Jakob doesn't need to know that. It's not like he's in love with any of them after all...
He wonders if Jakob is in love with him... it would seem so. Does that mean he wants to hold his hand when they go out? Does he want to kiss him and get told "I love you"? Get married? No... maybe "being in love" really is too shallow of a description for their relationship.
"Then, please...", Jakob says, voice shaking, and removes a hand from Rene's back to intertwine their fingers instead. "Don't do this with anyone but me... ever... please..."
Rene looks down at him, unsure of what to say, holding his hand tightly.
"If you leave me, I'll die... I'll really die..."
"You won't die. And neither will I."
He leans down again to kiss him deeply, already slowly growing addicted to the feeling, despite Jakob's mouth still being unnaturally cold, before moving further down and pressing a kiss to his jaw. Jakob lets out a shaky whine, legs trembling.
"Nor will Carter tomorrow, or Alain and Ann. We'll find a way to save them all. And we'll do it together, just the two of us."
He moves his free hand to Jakob's waist, drifting under his shirt, brushing over his hip bone. Jakob squirms under his touch - even this part of him is so cold, it's almost unsettling. But Rene can't help but be amazed by it, as this too is just another reminder of Jakob's incredible strength, and that fateful day.
"See... you're so strong. I don't need anyone else. So don't worry."
He really is strong - very much so. Jakob evidently knows this too, and yet all he wants is to lie down and be taken care of. Rene supposes he can grant him this.
He kisses him again, not moving his hand away from his waist, eagerly swallowing all the little whimpers Jakob can't seem to contain.
"Rene... please...", he whines loudly. It almost seems excessive - they're just kissing after all. It's not like...
"Y-You have no idea how deeply I ache for you", Jakob suddenly whispers breathlessly and wraps his arms around Rene's neck, tight to the point it almost hurts. "This isn't enough... s-sometimes I wish I could eat you whole... ah..."
He jolts, getting cut off by his own soft moan when Rene gently kisses his neck. "I- I can't... I want you to consume me... to cut me into little pieces, for us both to melt into one being... to die together... only then..."
Rene lets out a shaky breath at those words, closing his eyes.
"We can, Jakob, we can", he says, not really registering what he's saying. Maybe he was right. Jakob is not in love with him. This isn't "love". This is...
"But we won't die."
It's no longer raining by the time they finally stop.
The lamp has almost gone out.
Jakob falls asleep within minutes, clutching the bed sheet in his sleep and murmuring something intelligible. Rene thinks he can faintly hear him sigh some words resembling "Carter" from time to time.
He's not as confident as he pretends to be. He makes a lot of empty promises to give Jakob and the others hope, but he has his own doubts about all of this.
What if they really do fail tomorrow?
No, they won't. They can't. If they do...
He stares at the ceiling for a while, almost expecting stars to appear for some reason.
They'll succeed tomorrow, and never talk about what happened tonight. They'll have tea again with Alain and Mary-Ann, and Carter when he recovers, and they'll all offer to help.
Or maybe he wakes up tomorrow, and realizes that all of this was just a dream, no different from the nightmares he had as a child. What a foolish thought...
He lies down and closes his eyes. It takes a long time for him to fall asleep, and when he does, he dreams of a thunderstorm.