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“You know, your lover must be so sad you work so late,” The woman says, shaking her head, a few drinks having made her much more talkative. “I can’t imagine waiting so long for you each night…” She mutters, pursing her lips. His last customer of the night, before long he’d be closing up as the last trains made their final stops, the streets finally quiet for once.
“A lover…? I don’t have time for that” Gordeau laughs, giving a bright smile. Being a bartender often meant talking to all sorts of people. Some had been celebrating, some were dealing with their own woes, and most were just looking to get drunk. The people skills came with the territory, he’d long since learned how to brush off such a personal question easily. “Well, what about yours? He must be getting worried about you, especially with how late it is” He asks, gesturing towards her.
“As if…my lover is useless…! He can’t just say he cares…” she gripes, crossing her arms. “That’s why I’m stuck drinking here so many nights you know…You’re far more attentive than he is…” She continues, lifting her drink to take a long swig of it, perhaps a little too easily for a drink that strong.
“Tell me about it…” Gordeau huffs, cleaning a glass, staring off for just a bit longer than he had intended to, his thoughts drifting for a moment before he could catch himself. Though the woman must have been too intoxicated to notice, setting down her drink with an exaggerated sigh.
“There’s no drink strong enough to make the feelings fade…” She muses, pausing for a time before she seems to have a moment of clarity. “But it’s good business for you in the end?” She laughs.
“No denying that one” Gordeau replies, returning her demeanor in kind, knowing he knew just how true her words were. He knew she meant little by it, merely just the mumbling of a drunk woman with some unavailable boyfriend, trying to make rapport but it certainly struck a chord with him. It wasn’t often others tried to pry into his personal life much.
“He’s a no-good man…” She says. “Leaving me to wait for him like this..”
And though with that, it would seem she too left, tiring of waiting for him to come to senses and come find her.
Though the rowdy nature of drunks was hardly enjoyed by anyone, the bar felt much too quiet, absent of the usual chatter and music.
…absent of his friends…
He found he spent far more time running his bar since he had left Amnesia, while they still did visit, much to his annoyance at times. He felt almost empty, his days consisting of working the bar punctuated by late-night hunts, brushing off anyone who raised some concerns or tried to convince him otherwise.
The routine of cleaning up and locking up was second nature to him, though it left his mind to wander. It had never been a busy bar but to him, it didn’t need to be, as long as it wasn’t failing he was happy, even if his only regulars were his friends in the end.
Though not much had changed, there was still an ever-present guilt Gordeau felt. Even as he smiled and laughed, serving patrons of the bar, his heart would betray him, knowing he didn’t deserve such simple delights, not when he still had unfinished business. He wondered if there would ever be an end to this hunt, or this guilt that no drink seemed to quiet. If it would stay with him till his last moments, he couldn’t care less anymore, knowing it had to be done, even at his expense.
He knew Chaos might have scolded him over such a line of thought, it was idiotic and selfish in the end. But even in the moments Chaos scolded him, he couldn’t help but enjoy that too, it seemed no matter what he did, these feelings of his couldn’t be helped. This greed of his knew no bounds, it seemed not even revenge was good enough for him, he still wanted something more.
Maybe before all of this, he might have been free to pursue this yearning of his. Even as it felt like all of him ached for Chaos, he felt an even greater guilt in indulging such a feeling, he couldn’t stand to see him each night, working late to avoid facing him just a little longer each day.
Maybe he’d have to leave Chaos to wait for him too, at least until he’d finished what he needed to do. Until then, he’d take whatever scolding he could get with a smile, at least until his patience waned too.