Work Text:
Just like Tamuyuan, Kazarumu was a reserve for taking care of sick and injured Ōjū, but unlike Tamuyuan, Kazarumu was a joint establishment which served as a school to provide instructions and education for young and hopeful beast healers.
Children aiming to become beast healers would gather from different locations to take Kazarumu's admission exam, and each year, the school would accept up to a total of fifteen students. Even though there were numerous examinees, Kazarumu would accept no more than fifteen students, so there were rumours circling around about Kazarumu.
Acceptance of bribes. Sabotage of results.
The rumours were far from the truth.
The joint establishment simply could not afford to accept beyond their capacity when their finances were running thin.
Esaru, headmistress of Kazarumu, had realized this difficulty when she succeeded the position.
Although she tried cutting back losses by admitting those with promise, even with her preventative measures in place, the school could only handle so much.
It also didn't help that students would be dismissed for violating Kazarumu's rules, so part of the rumours also stemmed from the voices of the expelled. Those students who consistently violated the rules would have their names recorded, so should they fail to learn their lessons from their mistakes, they'd be refused re-entry even if they were to pass the admission exam.
Even if their marks were high—all students would be given three chances to correct their wrongdoings. Should those students continue to violate the rules with abandon, then she would steel herself and dismiss them from Kazarumu's grounds.
No one was exempt from the rules; they all bore full responsibility for their actions.
The dining hall was abuzz with wonder as students from all grades filed in upon being called by the headmistress, and only when their chatter died down did Esaru speak up, having caught their full attention.
"I called you all here to remind you that while you are here learning to care for the beasts, you are also here to learn to care for yourselves as well as your peers. As you all know, dorm mother Karisa has been with us for many years. Per her request, I have granted her two weeks off from her duties, so until her return, you will all be expected to clean after yourselves as you would for the beasts."
The dining hall which was once silent burst into cacophony the moment Esaru left the room—juniors and seniors alike began to worry over the state of their dorms and how they'd survive without the dorm mother. After all, with the dorm mother around, none of them had a single worry since their mess would be taken care of, but now that Karisa was taking time off, their worries were well-founded.
Before Karisa left, she pinned a hand-written note on the bulletin board informing them to do their best in taking care of their rooms, their selves, and each other. There was not one complaint even though they each had their grievances for her missing presence.
And much to Erin's burgeoning dismay, even though she did know some basic housework skills, that didn't mean that the days would pass by smoothly for her and Yūyan.
In fact, none of the students had realized how much they relied on the dorm mother until they had to clean after their rooms themselves.
It was on the third day of Karisa's break that Erin found herself coming down with a cold, but because she thought it would go away after a couple of days, all she did was rest at night instead of staying up to do her reviews.
Her symptoms only worsened. With her throat congested with mucus and her inability to stop herself from coughing, she knew that it would take more than a couple of days before she would get any better.
I miss Lilan, Erin thought as she huddled beneath her blanket, feeling cold despite the heat she wrapped herself in.
Her dormmate had promised to send some soup up once dinner rolled around, but until then, Erin was left to recover on her own.
Her nose flared as she stared out the window from the top bunk. When was the last time I caught a cold? She pulled the blanket over her head.
"Erin, how are you feeling now? I'm sorry I can't stay for too long. If you need help, just ring the bell and Saju's mother will come around."
Back then, when times were simple and she still had her mother, her mother would apologize for not being able to stay by her side and care for her. Erin had never been able to forget how much she wished her mother would show up anytime she rung the bell for help.
Every time she rung the bell, her 10-year-old self would hope that the door would open up to reveal her mother. Sadly, that hope was never realized because Saju's mother would be the one to fuss over her.
There was a time, however, where her mother did stay behind even though she hadn't caught a cold.
Her younger self had been overjoyed, not knowing the significance until later on. It was a rare and joyous day because she'd woken before her mother, but what made it even more special was that her mother hadn't gotten up to leave the house, but rather, her mother had stayed behind to spend the entire day with her.
She suddenly found it hard to breathe.
"I'll prepare something for us. Why don't you get started on folding the futons?"
She'd been so young back then, and all she cared about was monopolizing her mother's time.
Honestly, she released her breath as she turned to face the wall. She'd caused so much trouble for her mother, and even now she was still causing trouble for the people around her.
Even though her sinuses were clogged with mucus, and there would be a repeat of her earlier action, she couldn't resist tugging the blanket over her head because she didn't want anyone to see the tears rolling down her face. The memories of her mother were still fresh in her head even though it had been a little over four years since the wild Tōda separated them.
"The thunder clouds are on the other side of the mountain, so don't worry. Go to sleep."
"Asson, your father, was a very gentle man. He rarely spoke, but his smile would light up a room like the sun peeking from behind the clouds."
"You look just like your father... It's warm to be by your side."
"Survive—and be happy."
"Erin?"
Erin's shoulders shook as she crumpled the blanket between her fists. Yūyan had startled her from her mother's echo, but she refused to move as she planted her face against the pillowcase.
"I uh...I brought you some soup. Got the seniors in charge to reheat it, so remember to drink some before it goes cold, alright? I'll...come back to check on you later, yeah?"
I made her worry.
She knew that Yūyan had told her it was okay to share her worries, but it was difficult to adjust her mindset when she was used to carrying everything (her worries, her burdens, her impressions) inside her.
She didn't know how long she holed up beneath the blanket, but time had passed long enough for her stomach to rumble—until it didn't.
Yūyan slowly peered in through the gap of the door. When her eyes traversed the room and took notice of the untouched bowl, she shook her head and moved to retreat. "She didn't drink the soup."
"Is she alright?"
"Should we bring the headmistress over?"
"What can we do?"
The juniors that Erin shared her practical classes with surrounded the older girl, and Yūyan ushered them down the hall to prevent their commotion from startling Erin awake.
She wasn't sure if there was a difference between the colds they got and the colds the Āryo got, but she wouldn't back away from her roommate in any case. Yūyan had already labelled Erin as her best friend since there weren't any other girls in her class, but she also saw her dormmate as a girl who needed friends.
And they were friends.
While she was glad that Erin let her barriers down around her, there were times (such as now) where Erin would clamp up and turn her away, so she couldn't help but worry.
"She'll be fine in a little while," hopefully, "so all of you should return to your rooms before the lights are out. Don't forget to brush your teeth before you sleep!"
"Yes~"
Those rascals aren't gonna listen to me, I'm sure, Yūyan huffed as she crossed her arms. "I'll be sure to let her know you were worried about her. She'll appreciate your concern. Now shoo. Off you guys go."
Once the kids left, and she didn't see them as far as her eyes could see, she stopped the pretence and slouched against the wall. Erin hadn't touched her soup, and she certainly hadn't taken any medication (not that they had any on-hand), so when was she going to get better?
It's been a week since the dorm mother left. If she were here, she'd know what to do.
Yūyan could barely take care of herself. How could she help her best friend? She wasn't sure, but she'd do her very best.
Erin forced herself to keep swimming as she faced her mother. Dawn was already nearing but she had to make it. Once she makes her way to her mother, her mother would be able to free herself from the trial. She didn't want her mother to be eaten by wild Tōda, and if they both couldn't escape, then she'd rather be with her mother than live a life not living.
"Okā-san!"
The water was too deep to wade through, and given her stature, she would have to become a giant just to reach the bottom of the lake. Still, she forced her arms to keep moving even as they ached for her to take a rest.
I can't stop.
"Erin! What are you doing here?"
She couldn't answer with the blade's hilt between her teeth, at least not properly, but even when she took hold of the blade, she didn't answer her mother.
The water was easily to slice through, but the ropes binding her mother to her death weren't, and she continued to shred through them while holding her breath.
She didn't know how long left they both had, but she heard the sound of the drum echo from beneath the water, and then her mother was tugging her close—the momentary startle causing her to choke from inhaling the water.
"Erin! Why?"
"Okā-san, hurry!" she urged, "Let's leave!"
They had to swim to the shore before the Tōda caught up to them; each one fighting to be the first to feast on their flesh.
"It's too late. I can't..."
Erin clung to her mother as she watched the trail of lake water sliding down her mother's cheek. They had no more time. She'd arrived too late to save her mother, and now they were going to be fed to the wild Tōda.
"Erin, never repeat what I'm about to do. The Aō rou consider it a grave offense, but to save you, Erin..."
She'd been too young to truly understand. All she remembered was the sound of her mother's whistle.
In fact, wild Tōda still had their ear webs, so they shouldn't have been affected by the whistle, but her mother's whistle had the wild Tōda frozen around them.
"Okā-san? What's..." Erin hugged her mother as the water grew murky around them, and no matter how much she urged her mother to swim away with her while the wild Tōda remained still, her mother kept looking at her, naught a word said.
She'd known then that she would never see her mother ever again, but she couldn't help but hold onto hope even as she clung to the horns of the Tōda her mother entrusted her to.
She seared the remains of her mother into her mind because there would be nothing left—a horrid sight that would haunt her as the Tōda pounced on her mother. Even though she couldn't catch a sight of her mother, even though all she could see were waves of Tōda and bubbling water...even if she could see through them all, her mother would've been unrecognizable.
Erin herself had lost all consciousness when the Tōda dove beneath the water, but in this nightmare of hers, somehow her mother's final thoughts made their way to her fleeing figure.
'E...ri...n...'
Yūyan's return from taking her bath had her dropping her things when she opened the door to see Erin twisting and turning in her sleep. From the sounds of it, she...she seems to be crying? It was only when she stood close to the bed that she was able to hear the noise, but even without the sound cue, Erin's pillow was damp enough for her to see she was crying.
"Erin!"
As a requirement of caring for the beasts, all of their nails had been clipped short so that no one would get hurt, but even though Erin's nails had been clipped down to the nail beds, Erin still scratched herself in her sleep.
What...what... Yūyan gulped as she hauled herself up to the top bunk and leaned her entire body weight on the struggling girl.
The hinges of the door creaked in the midst of her scramble and there was a small commotion not too far from them.
"Yūyan, what's—"
"Get—head'stress!" Yūyan croaked out as she gripped onto Erin's hands, hoping it would get the girl to stop scratching herself while she dreamt.
"Erin, wake up! Please..." Yūyan shut her eyes as she waited for the headmistress to arrive, doing her best to subdue Erin before she hurt herself further. Headmistress Esaru will know what to do! She could only hope.
When Erin woke up the next day, she was startled to the sight of a bedraggled Yūyan peering down at her.
"Erin...rise and shine!" Yūyan greeted as per usual, even though her brows had furrowed just before her expression brightened the day.
"I..."
"The headmistress told me to tell you that Tomura has been taking care of Lilan, so if you want to return to Lilan's side, you should get proper rest."
Lilan... At the mention of her friend, the Ōjū she helped to raise, Erin couldn't help but cough into her fist as she shifted about in a move to sit up.
I...did I scratch myself in my sleep? she wondered as she lifted the blanket off her chest. Honestly, it was a surprise she hadn't woken from the pain. Now that she was awake, the places that ached from her unintentional harm caused her to seethe through her teeth.
She couldn't tell what exactly was going on with her dormmate, but Erin could tell there was something off about her dormmate's dodgy eyes and stiff smiles. Did I...scare her off? she worried as her brows furrowed in question.
Despite the question being unasked, with Yūyan's help, Erin bandaged her arms. Only when Yūyan approved the makeshift cast was she directed over to the headmistress' office.
"Erin, may I have a word with you?"
Headmistress? "Yes?"
"This might come as a surprise, but I have a younger sister. Our parents named her Mikari, the characters for 'light' and 'hunting'. When we were much younger, around your age I'd say, our father made her the next family head because I had decided to become a beast healer. I remember her being an unsociable kid, but the moment she learned she was going to become responsible for more than just herself and our family...she changed. Although she's still the same inside, the people living on our land see her as the next head of the family."
"Why is the headmistress...telling me all this?" Erin slowly questioned as she tried to discreetly lower her shoulders upon realizing they'd risen to her ears.
Esaru's fingers were intertwined beneath her chin as Erin gulped in the unusually silent room.
Normally, they would be able to hear the beasts and children through the window, but blood had rushed to Erin's head and she curled her toes at the prolonged silence.
"Mikari didn't change all on her own. My sister had help from others as they guided her to become who she is today, and I believe that you could too. It doesn't have to be right at this very moment. You can take your time, but Erin, the longer you hold onto your issues without letting yourself breathe...to the point where you harm yourself to seek relief? This is where I'm stepping in to prevent you from hurting yourself further."
The knowledge of being observed placed a burden on Erin, but under Yūyan's cheerful encouragements and the fact that their daily interactions remained largely the same, she felt that things were changing—whether that change was good or bad, well, only her future self would be able to tell.
And tell her future self would.