Chapter Text
A boy and his sister
Audrey & Victor
One is nice
And the other is...cool!
A boy and his sister
A lesson to give you
A message delivered
From me to you!
A boy and his sister
A legend to live to
A mess to get into
A place to be free!
There wouldn't be a fall
If there wasn't a winter
A boy and his sister
That's you and that"s me!
-𝗔𝘂𝗱𝗿𝗲𝘆 & 𝗩𝗶𝗰𝘁𝗼𝗿-
☭LITERALLY STALIN☭
CAST
Danielle Kogan......................Child A
Deny Pombo da Silva............Child B
Stephanie Shulman...............Mother
Elsie Lovelock...........................Lady
Joe Gran...........Hitler, Dog, Russians
Alex Rochon.............................Stalin
Zach Hadel.............................Salmon
Vitas.......................................Himself
Lounging over his bed, Victor continued his playthrough of Dark Souls III. For hours now, in fact, as the outside's horizon hued orange with the falling sun. Not that he noticed that was going on at all in his all shut gamer-man cave. His eyes, badly washed ones, interlocked on the screen, barely blinked. Until someone knocked on the door. Someone, yes, but he didn't need to guess, as that pattern was well known by him.
"Victor?" Audrey said.
"What do you waaaaaannt?" he groaned, not feeling like moving his eyes off the screen, which he would need to if Audrey asked him for something stupid like asking which dress she should wear for her next date with her boyfriend.
"I need your help," she answered.
"For you to decide which dress you should wear for your next date with your boyfriend?"
"What? No...though that's not a bad idea...!"
She started turning gears on her head. Nevertheless, she shook them off.
"But this is more urgent," she said.
"Can't you ask mom?"
"Mom's off shopping."
"Hmm, hmm, hmm..." hummed Ms. Autenberry as she pushed the cartwheel over the frozen food aisle.
"Oh!"
She opened the freezer and picked up something.
"Salmon pie!" she said, sniffing it. "And it's still fresh!"
"AAAAA" screamed in agony the still conscious salmon.
"Hurry!"
"Uuuuuuugh..."
Like the world's most human-shaped sack of potatoes, he thumbled out of bed and walked to the door. He grasped the door handle, mumbling incoherent swears. It's saturday, goddamit! Or better, the sabbath, meaning it's his and their's job to do nothing. He turned it and opened the door, to the sight of Audrey and
"GUTTEN TAG, KINDER"
"AH!"
Victor fell back, the figure of Adolf Hitler arching over him while staring with his empty, small and white eyes. The monochrome chancellor was attired in his war suit, war hat and dope red-black-and-white Gucci™️ sneakers. Audrey stood next to him and she reached as Victor lift up his arm from the floor, only for him to point.
"HITLER!" he fell back.
"That'z me."
He lifted up slowly while reaching for the back of his head, grunting.
"What is he doing here?1"
"Calm down, Victor!" Audrey said, finally picking up her brother. "He's not here to hurt us."
"Did you forget about the time he poisoned me?"
"Oh, those vere the good days!" the chancellor said, a nostalgic tone being carried in his glass-shattering, nation-seducing voice. "It almost brings me to sveet tears of joy...*sniffs in german* it veels like yesterday..."
"It was last week," said Audrey.
Victor's face bursted into a snare. "HE REMEMBERS IT FONDLY,"
"Vell, mostly, there was that part vhere you criticized my Mushroom Cream Spätzel. Oh, and I guess vhen you two tried to kill me."
"AND YOU STILL TRUST HIM?"
"He's here to protect us!" Audrey screamed back.
Victor's look morphed into a mixture of confusion and fear.
"Fr... From what?"
"That's vhat I vas gonna tell you before you started making a scene," Hitler said, crossing his arms and rolling his eyes.
"Then spill it out alread-!"
"IN THIS VERY MORNENG," Hitler's bellowing voice and storm of dribble made Victor fall to floor once more. "I VAS DOING MY ART..."
Hitler's flashback sequence began with him pondering over an empty canvas, dressed in his pajamas, airpods on his ears, while holding up his "Welbester Führer" cup of coffee.
"Inspiration for my next piece vas lacking, vhen from novhere I received a message."
A brick flew through the window and hit the back of his head, squashing and extending it further like in a Looney Tunes™️ cartoon. Hitler reached for the back of his caved skull, pulling out the brick, which normalized his face. Taped to it was a leaf of paper. His eyes jumped out of their orbits, becoming hyper detailed.
"The exact contents of vhich..."
haiiiiii babe i was thinking about uuuuu❤️3❤️
heard u got a new home so im coming over to visit so be readyyy❤️3❤️
xoxo
- Stalin
P. S.: I forced one of my soldiers to write this. Napisaniya etogo prinesla mne ogromnuyu agoniya. Proshchay, zhestokaya mir!
"Could have made any common man shite himself."
"Yet I am no common man!"
His pants got soaked in piss. Hitler grasped the paper tightly, looking out into the horizon in defiance.
"So I immediately thought of coming to your house and ask you for your aid, my nevest and most beloved friends."
"Did you change your pants?" asked Victor.
"No."
Both siblings took a step away from him.
"A- Anyway," said Victor. "What does all of this means, actually?"
"Stalin is coming. He'll raid our neighborhood," said Audrey. "Level it out with his artillery."
"Oh, wow, that's GREAT!" Victor displayed a tortuous grin. "And how are WE supposed to help?"
"I thought we could, maybe, you know," said Audrey, holding out her arms in the air. "Talk him out of that!"
"Reeeally?" Victor retorted. "With the bloodthirsty, iron-fisted dictator of the Soviet Union?"
'Hey, it worked with Hitler, didn't it?"
"Aaaand you still think he's worthy of your trust..."
"Ugh, just think about it, Victor! If he really was still trying to kill us, he would've already have done it."
"Yas!" the Führer agreed, briefly pulling out his pocket dagger before switching it for a thumbs up.
Exhausted and frustrated, Victor sighed. He stared down, tear clusters forming under his eyes.
"Whatever...I'm just...worried now...Worried that mom isn't safe out there."
"Oh, Victor..."
She stepped forward and took her brother's shoulders under her arms, small tears escaping from him.
"She's gonna be alright. We're all gonna be alright!"
"Y- Y- Yeah?" He lifted up his tearful face to look at his sister and swiped his sleeve against it.
Audrey shrugged. "Hell, I mean...she survived raising both of us! Kinda says a lot about her strength, doesn't it? And says a lot about our own strenght too. Because we have it in ourselves.
Because we're family. And there's nothing stronger than that. I'll always be with you, you with me, and she with us. Okay?
A little smile appeared around his cheeks, the tears now flowing wildly, fueled by a lighter, brighter feeling.
"You're good with making people happy, did you know that?"
"Years of dealing with a downer sibling kinda made me an expert on that."
"In any case," said Hitler. "Ve still have Plan B!
The siblings separated and looked at him, puzzled.
"Plan B?" said Victor.
"He didn't tell me that part..."
"It'z simple!"
He went for his pocket and pulled out a couple of decrepit Reichsmarks.
"Communism's greatest fear is capitalism, so we will defeat their forces by throwing our money at them!"
The siblings stared into the void in disbelief.
"I think we're dead for real this time," said Victor.
"Yeah," agreed Audrey.
The three stood now outside, one next to the other. Hitler kept a firm look ahead, his eyes dotting through the corners of the street. Audrey and Victor grew bored, Audrey kicking the grass below her and Victor drawing in the dirt with a stick.
"Keep your guard up, Kinder," Hitler spoke to Victor. "You never know vhen the enemy shall reveal itselv..."
'Yeah, yeah, I know," he answered, promptly not even looking at him. Audrey lowered her eyes to Victor's drawing, a very crude stick figure of a girl with a ponytail. She opened a cheeky smile.
"Did he even say whe he was coming?" Audrey asked.
'Nein," Hitler said.
"Oh, dang, he's pretty late then."
"He didn't say vhen he was coming."
"...okay."
"That's vhy ve must keep our guard high all zhe time! The enemy could be lurking any...ZHERE!"
They looked towards where Hitler pointed at. A black sausage dog was in the sidewalk next to the house. It wagged its tail.
"THE ENEMY HAS MANIFESTED!"
"Hitler," said Victor. "I'm pretty sure that's just a dog."
"ba. Ha ba ba. Ha ba ba da ga da," said the Dog.
Hitler approached it and handled it up, pressing his forehead against it. The chancellor inspected it deeply.
"ba," it said.
Hitler's eyebrows raised and his face exuded glee.
"Oooh, das just a silly dachshund!"
He embraced it. Realizing he was distracted, the Dog took it as the perfect opportunity to take out his walkie-talkie from hammerspace.
"Ba ba ga da ga. (I found him.)"
"Vhat?"
The ground began to shake. Victor quickly got up and Audrey lost balance. The soil, the houses, everything quaked, heavy metal creakings coming from the right and left corners of the street. The dog jumped out of Hitler's arms and ran off.
"TRAITOOOOOOR!" Hitler screamed, punching the air, disheartened tears forming on his eyes.
"Ba ba, long live mom Russia, ba."
A military brigade came in from the sides, hundreds of Russians following one behind the other, their steps not leaving a single stone stuck in the asphalt.
The trio watched with a mixture of awe and fear. Victor begged, in his head, for the safety of their mother. Hitler's mind had a monkey bashing cymbals. Audrey wondered Why the hell she's not home yet?
Ms. Autenberry trespassed the cereal aisle when she heard her name.
"Abby?"
She turned her head. A middle aged woman with yellow, short hair wearing a light green dress, standing to her side with her own cartwheel, opened a smile. She recognized her.
"Kasss....andraaa!" Abigail tried to sound enthusiastic, yet the sight of that woman didn't bring her any warm feelings. "How nice to see you here!"
"I say the same!" Kassandra replied. "Gosh, how've you been? Haven't seen you since Victor's Bar Mitzvah!"
"Meeeee... too!"
She was one of Victor's aunts, the particularly sharp-tongued one who wouldn't stop talking for hours even if she had her mouth stuffed with challah.
"Oh, woman, I've got so much to tell you!" she dropped her purchases on the cart.
"I'mmm afraid I'll have to leave it for the next time, heh, you know?" her fake smile began to tremble. "My kids are waiting for me at home."
"Ah, Abby, don't ya trust your own kids? They're tough and smart, especially Victor!"
Yeah, Victor's always the best one to you, you fucking bitch.
"Besides, I gotta tell ya bout my boy, Rupert. Found out the prick was secretly dating with a Christian girl! Right under my nose! See, it was Thursday..."
Abigail zoned out to avoid having to listen to all her rambling. A voice coming from her own cart caught her attention, though.
"CAN I PLEASE JUST DIE ALREADY?" The Salmon asked calmly.
T-34's escorted the army along, aiming sluggishly their cannons from left to left, because the Right is wrong. All the indistinct soldiers wore ushankas. They made serious, frowning faces and were armed with Mosin's rifles. One of them handled instead the glorious, scarlet Soviet flag. A marching band tagged along, lead by a bandmaster playing a bombastic, orchestral version of the Tetris Theme Song, also known as Korobeiniki. Leading the parade from the left side was a towering red Tsar tank with the golden Hammer and Sickle painted at its center. The huge monstrosity, which you should probably search about on Google since if I describe it to you you'd think I'm making it up and I don't want my historical credibility ruined, turned left and reversed, parking backwards on the Autenberrys' lawn. Assuming the Tsar tank has a backwards. ,em>I'm telling you. The troops stopped their march and saluted, the tank operators popping out of their vehicles to do the same.
Victor turned to Hitler. "If we die, it's your fault."
Hitler shrugged. "A lot of people could zay the same."
A hatch banged open atop the Tsar tank. Eerie, cold smoke erupted from the inside, as an empowering, blocky silhouette rose steadily. The band blew brass horns and saluted. As the smoke cleared, more and more of the Great Leade was revealed, him not moving a single finger.
The smoke cleared, Joseph Stalin unveiled.
The three were impressed.
"Oh my..."
"God..."
"He's hot!"
The two stared at her.
"What? I was just being honest."
His ebony hair and mustache flowed wavingly against the wind, both sharp as a blade of a sword, yet delicate and precious like a blade of grass. Covered from head to toe in red and yellow clothes, with the exception of his hands that wore white gloves, even his skin was colored in multiple pastel shades of red. Being all chest, triangular even in his character design, his curves were stored on his strong legs. His eyes? Amber, pupiless, irisless, fiery, stern. He watched over the clouds with a neutral expression, pressing both hands on his back. He looked down, and saw Hitler.
"HAAAAIIII HITLEEYY!" he waved, his face changing completely from apathy to boundless joy.
"Nope," Hitler said, pressing the trigger of his gun pointed towards himself. Nothing, still no bullets apparently.
Stalin spin-jumped from the tank, landing in a superhero pose. He dusted off his shoulder and approached Hitler.
"My, I missed you SOOOOOO MUCH!"
He went for a hug, Hitler immeadiately pulled the dagger.
"DON"T TOUCH ME!"
"Oh yeah?"
"TRY ME."
"With pleasure~"
Stalin stepped forward, Hitler pushing the dagger at him. It bent.
"...Scheiße."
Hitler was tight squeezed, the cracking of his bones being able to be heard at the next block. Stalin pressed his face against the Führer's chest. Audrey and Victor had already seized the opportunity and were sneaking away, walking on their tips, until Stalin noticed them and dropped Hitler.
"Oh, heyy, are those your new friends?"
"AH, GOD, IT HURTS!" Hitler spoke, every word only bringing more pain.
The two halted on their tracks and awkwardly turned to the dictators, each trying to smile as hardest as they could.
"Oh, no," said Audrey. "Weeee are just regular passersby!"
"I've never even met this man in my life!" said Victor.
"KINDER! KINDER 2!" screamed Hitler. "PLEASE, HELP, I THINK MY RIBS ARE STABBING MY LUNGS."
Their faces twisted in agony.
"Oh so you aare friends!" he picked Hitler up, squeezing him one more time, which put all his bones back into place. Hitler hyperventilated, his hand searching for a supportive surface. It unfortunately found Stalin's crotch. HItler hijacked it away when he realized and materialized hand sanitizer from nowhere to clean his hands, all while the siblings saw themselves forced to being dragged back into that mayhem.
"So!" Stalin clapped his hands. "Watcha names, kids?"
"I'm Audrey!"
"Victor."
"Lovely names! Specifically yours, boy. It means "victorious" in Russian."
"I think it means that in the entire world."
"HA! Aren't you just a silly little-"
Stalin reached for his hand to his cheek.
Victor bit it.
"CRAP." Stalin backed off.
All the Russians gasped, Audrey pressed her palms against her mouth. Her pupils dilated, a sudden flow of pride blossoming in her as she understood that was an act of bravery...even if a foolish act of bravery at that.
Hitler just raised his eyebrows as he had no idea the kinder had cannibalistic tendencies.
"That's...surrely gonna leave a mark!" the leader said, the grin on his face harder to keep up.
Victor's eyes flared, his palms curling up into fists. He raised a hand to the air aint pointed it straight at Stalin's face.
"Listen, here!" he said. "Quit with the act. We know why you're here."
The dictator raised an eyebrow. "Pardon me?"
"You're here to kill Hitler AND; to conquer us," he stepped further, now the finger practically touching the dictator's chin. "Yet guess what? We're never bowing down to you."
Audrey approached Victor, her face of defiance mirroring his. She took him by the arm, and the twins stared down the great leader.
Stalin stared them down and with the most confused expression his giant eyebrows could convey. He exploded into laughter, facepalming himself whie arching back. The soldiers did the same, the entire scene turning into a typical celebrity stand up special.
If they were funny.
The twins looked at each other without knowing what to do. They separated and it all just felt stupid now. Hitler sneaked up behind them to avoid being possibly used as a tissue by Stalin. No Hitler around, he grabbed a random soldier and wiped out the tears from his face.
"Th- that was, oh, oh my God, that was..." he struggled to breathe in air to form coherent sentences. "Oooooh that was so good it could've given me a stroke!"
He repositioned himself, clearing his throat. The Russian crowd fell quiet on his command. He turned to the kids.
"What are you even talking about, kid?" he said. "Me? Kill HItler?!?! I mean, yeah, sure, there were some times I wished I could GRAB HIM BY THE NECK AND MAKE HIM FEEL THE PRESSURE OF THESE ICE HARD HANDS ON HIS SKIN, but..." his eyes leaked from the corners. "...Deep down...I...*sniffs in russian* love him more than anything in the world."
The army formed a chorus of Awnnnn!
Stalin exaggerativelty blinked at HItler, ending with a wink.
Hitler flipped him off.
"Now, the other thing," Stalin continued. "Like, SEEERIOUSLY? Look at this place; the minimun temperature here can't even freeze my nails! I own the biggest country in the world, for Marx's sake! You reeeeally think I want to conquer this?"
"Should we tell him this New York?" Russian soldier Patrik whispered.
"Nay," soldier Bob said. "Not in mood of fighting America."
"Thought you hate America."
"Only in mah work shift."
The twins sighed, relaxed. Stalin twirled his mustache.
"Though now you mention it...I aaam in quite need of a summer home!"
Their hearts sinked, horror taking over them.
"Thanks for the suggestion, kid!"
Hitler was not surprised.
"Gut job, you two."
Victor snapped at the chancellor. "YOU DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING!"
The chancellor and Victor berated each other.
Patrik and Bob looked at one another.
"...Weeeeh should probably mention now."
"America is strong, so early we lose, early I go home beat wife and drink beer."
"Ah! Good plan! Can I join?"
"Beat wife?"
"Drink beer, but that too!"
The verbal warfare continued, yet one remained quiet, her attention directed at the dictator.
"Let me handle this," said Audrey, leaving behind the two. The sister's action overcame Victor's anger, as he grabbed the sister by the arm.
"Wait, no, what are you doing?"
She approached his ear. "Doing my plan," she whispered. "Don't worry."
Victor let her go. She walked forward, arms wide open.
"Look, Mr. Stalin," she began.
"Ah, you can call me Vissarionovich, dear!"
"Oh, okay, Mr. Vi...ssa...Joseph!"
"That works too."
"Mr. Joseph, I need you to hear me. Just...look at us. Look at them, look at the whole town. We don't pose a threat to you. To anybody, really, talk about some innocent and harmless people. You don't need to, like, you know...come in and crush us with your death machines."
"Ooooh nooo, girrlll..." Stalin sweetingly said, lowering himself to match her height, big puppy eyes sporting on his face. "Don't make me emotional like that."
Audrey had a hopeful smile. "So you're backing up your troops?"
"Oh, no, but you did make me kinda bummed about it. It's just something we imperialists do, you know? We come at a place, we raise hell in it, we slaughter its people, the remaining people bend themselves to our will and then suddenly it's ours!
No matter how innocent or harmless.
But heyyy, your brother, Hitler and you are gonna be fine!-"
"NO!" she screamed, grabbing him by the clothes. "Please! I don't want anyone to die! N- N- not because of us...!"
She sobbed and lowered her head, hands clenching tighter at the leader's suit.
Stalin sighed. He closed his eyes for a moment. He opened them, mind clear and focused.
"Fine. I'm going to give you a chance..."
"R- Really?"
"At battling for your freedom."
Stalin backed away, walking to his troops. Audrey fell to her knees, feeling fail, terror, despair. Victor rushed to her, taking her under his wing. His face couldn't hope but to also express, through lines and looks, that same dread. Hitler avoided the view, looking down, clenching his arm with his left hand. For once in his entire life...a feeling took over. A piercing feeling his dark, tyrannic, childish soul had avoided for so long...now could no longer remain hidden at the sight of two children suffering because of him. Guilt.
As soon as it arrived, it left, as Hitler crushed it with anger, directed at Stalin.
"YOU SON OF A BITCH, I VILL KILL YOU!"
"Oh, the great genocider is feeling bad for some kids?" mocked the leader. "Didn't know you had grown so soft, babe."
"SOFT? COME HERE AND I'LL SHOW YOU WHO'S SOFT!"
"Not this time."
He raised his hand to the air.
"We're doing this my way."
He snapped twice. The troops saluted and then scurried around, parts and materials being handled on their way to them. Soldiers at the lawn commenced construction, nearly trampling over the three. High walls were being set up around them, faster than they could run away to escape. Stalin remained in position, now once more with the oppressive look he had on his face when he arrived. As the light grew thin, as the walls closed in, his eyes glowed.
Abigail couldn't take it anymore, her right face simply gave up in appearing interested, looking bored to the extreme. The worst part? The bloody fish had gotten interested.
"And then I looked her straight in the face and said: honey, there was a fly in my soup. If you don't call your manager right now, there'll be more customers complaining about flies here cus' of all the bodies I'm gonna pile up."
"Oh hoh hoh, slay girl! Preach!"
"THISSs has been amazing, Kassy," she said, trying to appeal to her emotional side with the affectionate nickname. "Unfortunately I really need to go and pay for these things."
"OOh yeah, I gotta do that too? Ha-ha. Dangit. Sometimes I feel like I talk too much. Maybe I just don't know how to really socialize..."
Oh my fucking God, "Kassandra!"
"Oops, sorry! Did it again! I'll be on my way, but let's call each other more often!"
"I'll will suuurely be doing that!"
She pushed away her cart, once and for all. Abigail rubbed her eyes and left out a deep sigh, getting back on her track.
"You know," said the Salmon. "You should be less mean to her."
"I'm going to turn down the temperature on the oven so you take longer to cook and die because of what you just said."
"oh..."
Light flashed onto their eyes, temporarily blinding the three. As their vision returned, it revealed to them the sight of hundreds if not thousands of Russians enthusiastically murmuring. It seemed they were somewhere high, as they could only distinguish some soldiers by their hats. Closer to where they were was some form of pit. The edges of various instruments stuck out, the musicians tuning themselves up, a sound that went mixed with the numerous Slavic dialects being spoken. The floor below them was made of a smooth and light brown wood, surface so polished one could see their own reflection. High above, spotlights encircled around them, eventually all converging on Stalin, who now stood a few meters away from their side. He meddled with a golden microphone standing in a pole with the shape of a mallet.
"Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3, is this thing on?"
The crowd went silent.
"Oookay, it's on!"
"Stalin," said Hitler. "Vhat is this?"
Stalin put his hand on the microphone. "What do you think this looks like, honey? Figured out you'd have no real chance in actual warfare, so I went for something more...Russian."
Turning to the crowd, he spoke into it.
"My comrades!" he called. "Are you ready?"
The crowd screamed.
"Aaaalright! Here it goes! Be ready..."
The orchestra drum-rolled.
"For..."
"Oh no," said Victor, the realization finally hitting him.
The dictator took a deep breath, and
A
DANCE
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
A nuclear explosion of cheer took place in the readymade-stadium, to the satisfaction of the great leader and dismay of his unsolicited competitors. Everyone who was trying to sleep that afternoon, as well. Clapping, roaring, whistling, shooting, dancing, a gigantic cacophony only the most bored out people in the world could proportion. And brother, were those Russians bored.
Stalin opened his arms wide open for them, bathing in that joy like it was the Sun. Victor took a run to the stage's red and yellow curtains, until a rifle popped on his face. He sported a nervous smile and aimed the gun away from his face, rushing back to his sister.
"I don't think I want to fight for home anymore," said Victor.
"Chill out!" Audrey answered. "We got this one!"
"Look, Audrey, I like what you're trying to do, but I can't just 'chill out' when I'm being forced to perform for a thousand psychopaths."
"You say that as if you didn't know how to dance."
"I...don't?"
She crossed her arms and gave him a doubtful look mixed with sassiness. Almost as if she knew something.
As if... she knew... something...
"Wait, what do you mean?"
"Victor? Victor? Is everything alright?" Abigail called from in front of Victor's dorm room, the door closed, to no response. A muffled melody came from inside.
He's been there for a while... Should I just come in? I don't want to barge in on his privacy, but I still want to be sure he's okay. I think I'll just take a peek.
She lowered herself and spied through the keyhole, the song becoming clear now as she approached her ear to listen: Ilych Tchaikovsky's Song of the Swans.
Victor flew across the room, his eyes closed, one with the melody and the choreography. He spinned, jumped, made the dark room a ballet musical, embodying in him the tale of Odette, Princess and Queen of the Swamps.
Abigail's face froze in surprise and confusion. She stepped away, trying to convince herself she saw nothing.
".......I'LL KILL YOU AND MOM JUST FOR KNOWING THAT."
Hitler sniffed, wiping a proudful tear. "Zhey grow up so fast!"
"I knew you were liking those ballet lessons!"
"I ONLY WENT WITH YOU BECAUSE TWO KIDS EARNED A DISCOUNT."
"They came in handy now, at least, huh?"
"Is the groupie done chatting? We got a show to roll!" said Stalin into the mic. "Alright, here's the rule: whoever gets more reaction out of this crowd, wins. If you win, I get to leave you alone. If I win, well, I think you already have a good idea!"
Many Russians in the front row raised their rifles.
"With that out of the way, we can START-"
"H- Hold on," said Victor. "Aren't we gonna have some time to prepare first?"
"This is improv, boy," the dictator said, away from the mic. "Besides..."
He turned again to the crowd. "The first one to dance...is ME!"
Members of the crowd screamed in excitement. Stalin put down the microphone and stepped closer to the trio, the spotlights following him. He cracked his knuckles.
"Don't expect me to go easy on you~" he said, looking down on the floor, assuming a spread-out pose. He maintained the pose for minutes, as clear smoke began to fill the stage and the spotlights shut off. The three looked back at each other in anticipation, Audrey coughing.
Then, in a singular moment, a crimson spotlight shone on him, the golden details on his outfit standing out more than they've ever been. The music drummed, anticipation growing, Russians holding their breath as Stalin stood still.
"Karashy."
A bit of Kazotsky Kick to Kick Off the Competition worthy of Global Transmission, however whose Mission involves around Total Demolition
He Spins like a Top at the Top of his Head, spreading out his Legs, Confident, Proud, knows he ain't Bad,
JUMP UP, fall down like a Lynx, can't fashion for too long else it Jynx, hits them with a Wink
Rapid Hair Flash, waves the Fabulous Mustache, wheeling to Left, No Rest, You can Bet
Poses with a Nonexistent Dress, No Stress, he's a Natural, Animal, never Faulting, now he's Somersaulting
Gesturing like Sonic, how Ironic, makes a mess out of the stage, fills Hitler with Rage
The people's going Nuts, screaming their Guts, ravenous like a Wolf Pack, he's dancing Tropak
Khorovod, Kozatchok, Kamarinskaya, levitating on the air, no weight, screaming BOO-Yah
Moves so great they're defying the Laws of Gravity, swings so perfect it breaks Rationality
A Pulsion, Explosion, is Underway, people take cover, the Three get out of The Way
A Red Sphere of pure energy Rising, Ascending, Red Second Sun Materializing
Lenin's Chosen One HAS WON BEFORE EVEN FIGHTING!
BOOM.
Red light engulfed the stadium for a moment. Dying out, everyone who'd protected their eyes, or hadn't their retinas burned, opened them to see Stalin at the center of the stage laying atop a pile of black ash, steam coming out of his body. Butt naked body.
...In the Family Guy Death Pose, of course.
He coughed. "Blyat! Mne nuzhno prekratit' delat' dvizheniya 'Generatora Beskonechnaya Energii'..."
Steadily he regained balance and managed to get up. Audrey blushed and covered her eyes, attempting to do the same with her brother. She covered his mouth instead, Victor then having to do it himself when his eyes slightly went downwards. Hitler dit not bother to look away or cared.
For the Man of Steel, he sure lacked a pipe.
Standing upright, he noticed a breeze over his body and snapped his fingers. A cage containing a feral grizzly bear dropped on the stage. Stalin opened it, the bear pouncing with his jaws and claws ready to tear apart the dictator, only for Stalin to hook it and knock it out instantly. He grabbed the bear, stretched it and tied it to his waist. The cage rose back up. Stalin put his hands on his hips and smiled. Silence followed, from every soul in the stadium.
"...Ahem," he coughed.
The Russians without second thought brought their hands to the air, screaming for their dictator. The ones blinded by the explosion did so facing the wrong direction.
"Muah! Muah!" he distributed air kisses to the audience. He reached for the microphone.
"Whaddya think of that, now, huh?"
"That zhe should put on some proper clothes," Hitler bluntly answered.
"Ha!" Stalin said, his smile cracking for a moment. "Good idea! I'll go and change myself, you can have the stage. Just don't leave them waiting for too long"
He tossed aside the microphone, exiting to the left. He whispered grumblings.
Pochemu tak trudno dobitsya ot etoy avstriyskaya shlyuhi reaktsii, vykhodyashchey za ramki sarkazm?
Passing through the curtains, Audrey, Victor and Hitler were left alone in the stage...to absolute, mortifying silence. One looked at each other, Hitler looked at the both of them, the Russians waited for something to happen.
Wasn't long before a Russian cricket started chirping. Victor approached Audrey's ear.
"What do we...do now?"
"I don't know," she said. "You still can crack the moves. I'm a bit rusty, though."
"You're not suggesting we dance ballet after he did THAT, are you!"
"It's what we know how to do! Besides, they're Russians. They love ballet, you should know that!"
"Oh, god damn...Hitler!"
He looked for the chancellor, finding him staring at the wooden wall in the back of the stage.
"Hitler," Victor said. "Have you got any ideas?"
"I vhink if I smash my head really hard against this ve're gonna be free," the chancellor said, fixated on the wall.
Victor frowned. He knew asking him would be fruitless, yet the desperation got the best of his senses. He overlooked the audience. Thousands waiting. Thousands watching. Is this how Hell feels like? Having the entire world read to see you fail. He felt light, floating, floating to somewhere else. The red in his eyes had never been stronger, a sweat bullet forming on his forehead...only for a hand touched on his shoulder to weigt him to reality.
"Look, Victor," she said. "I've got an idea."
"Help Hitler out by bashing our heads too?"
"Nah, let's leave that for Plan B. And it's an idea for you./span>I want you to look over to those people..."
"And imagine them naked-"
"Interrupt me again and I'm deleting your Metroid save files."
"...you wouldn't dare-"
"Yup."
"Fine."
"I want you to imagine there's a single person in all of that crowd."
He focused away from her, facing the waves of judging eyes. He closed his own, painting a mental image of that entire space empty, outside of a single, undefined shadow sitting at the stadium's heart.
"And it's not any person," he heard his sister. "It's her."
Her!?
He didn't hear a name, a description, yet from the way she said it Victor could tell at the spot who "her" was. The figure took shape; long, tied up, bright green hair, the pink shirt she's always wearing...
"And she's waiting! Waiting to see you perform!
"i- Is th- this supposed to make me feel-"
"Aaaaaand you're totally gonna look like a dumbass in front of her if you just stand in place not giving your 1000%!"
"BETTER?!?"
He opened his eyes and fired a wrathful look upon her. Audrey shrugged, sticking her tongue out.
"Nope," she said. "But it sure motivated you!"
The worst part is that she's right! What would Vera think of him dropping the ball at this moment. It had only been a few days since she knocked him out of the Boys That Never KIssed A Girl arena and he hadn't even scheduled their first date! Could he even have the courage to do so?
"Better to be a fool than a nobody," said the quote he once read on the back of a car. Next to it was a sticker for BitConnect.
He breathed out and in, vision sharp as an eagle.
"Do you remember Swan's Lake?"
"Yup."
"Remember that part with the little swans?"
"Ooooh, now we're talking!" she cracked her knuckles.
The curtains were closed, all spotlights turned off but one. The Russians chatted in the dark, expectations of what the twins might be planning on the rise. The bandmaster flipped the sheet open, one given to him and for the rest of the orchestra.
Chatting ceased when the curtains began opening, the single spotlight illuminating the center of the stage.
From the left side, the girl appeared, spinning and venerating on a white tutu. She displayed a gentle, subtle smile. From the right came the boy, dressed in a full white suit, dwelling in the air with straight, long steps. He paused next to her, his cheeks starting to get ruddy. He had his eyes closed. The girl met her left hand with the boy's right hand, in turn his hands grasped hers. Seeing their arms crossed, the bandmaster raised his baton... and the symphony began.
The Dance of the Cygnets.
The two jumped in unison from one side, their feet lifting up from the stage at the exact same time and speed.
Sixteen pas de chat pass and in one swung movement they change direction.
The song pivoted up and down as much as they did, trailing a whimsical resonance that left the stadium with ears attentive and eyes glued.
Now finding themselves in the center, they hopped in place, legs over legs, faces arching down and ascending.
They rose one leg above, the lone one standing yet not long before it too flapped above.
To all's shock, they began moving while keeping this choreography.
Their faces never seemed to meet, as they looked over to the horizon, their legs keeping motion and synchrony even so.
Those in the audience familiarized with the act, nodded, either impressed or approving of the performance.
As the flutes began to dominate the instrumentation, the two separated, jumping along.
Thus with the final strike of the band, they raised their legs one final time and kneeled down one leg, their faces gazing above.
...
Victor opened an eye.
Shitshitshitshit they hated it, they hated it, they...
"YEAH!" someone upfront shouted. What followed after was thunderous clapping. Audrey and Victor raised up and got closer, roses getting thrown at them. Audrey waved at the crowd, Victor stood, overwhelmed.
They... liked it!
Joy overtook him and he started waving as well.
From the left side of the stage, Stalin appeared, in another set of clothes identical to his old ones. He looked at his phone, browsing Discord while drinking from his Luchshiy chlenosos v mire mug. His eyes turned to the crowd for a moment and he almost spit his vodka. They tirelessly clapped and showered the two with praise. He drank the mug in one gulp, tossed it away and grabbed the microphone sitting next to the wall. He charged at them. Audrey noticed the dictator fuming in their back so she took Victor and her out of the way, Victor was surprised by this as his head was entranced in the public. Alone under the light, he lifted the microphone close to his mouth.
"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" he roared, the audience silencing in one moment. Some who kept clapping slowly lost their will to continue as the leader fired them with his eyes. "I move away for a few minutes and YOU'RE ALL GUSHING FOR THEM?"
"They are real dancers!" A brave soul in the crowd said.
"They don't make flashy moves, they make art!" another one manifested.
"Oh, heh, heh,"mockingly laughed Stalin. "You're practically begging to be sent to the gulag!"
"I'm actually homeless," someone in the front row said. "So I'd really like to go to the gulag, instead of almost freezing to death every night."
Some soldiers agreed with the homeless one. Stalin facepalmed.
"Forget about that..."
"And with that," Victor said, entering the spotlight. "You lost."
"Pardon m- Okay, screw the formalities, what did you just say, you little piece of nothing?"
"He said you lost," Audrey took a stance. "They actually like us. You had to beg them to praise you."
"What the?" Salin did a double take. "Are you putting words in my mouth, kiddo?!"
"We all saw you coughing so they could clap," said Victor. "They don't like you. You rule over them, steps on them, and demands to be glorified. That, though, will never work with us."
The dictator glanced at the crowd, various Slavs attempting to evade his looks. For once a person spoke what they held deep in their hearts. The thought of every soldier under his command resenting him, desiring his end, lit a fire in his soul.
"Heh...heh...heh heh heh heeeeeh," he cracked a tortured laug before raising a fist against the two, his eyes bursting with tangible flames. "I'M GOING TO PUNT YOU BOTH TO CENTER OF THE EARTH!"
The twins hugged, goosebumps taking over their bodies. They both closed their eyes. The dictator kept flaring at them with the fist, the veins on his head bursting under his skin. The vision of those two, harmless and innocent souls, however, might have had an impact on him...because the flames in his eyes died out and the fist collapsed. He sighed and passed his hand over his face.
It's not worth it, he thought. I'm not pathetic enough to smash two meddling kids opposing me.
"Welp," he said. "You're lucky that you're Hitler's friends. Where is he, after all?"
Everyone looked to the far right of the stage. Hitler was kneelin on the floor, pen on his ear and a calculator under him. With another pen he proceeded to write on a sheet of papers. When another spotlight lit on him, he sprung back and hissed like a cat.
"Adolf, babe," said Stalin. "I can't believe you lost your kids' act!"
"I don't care!" Hitler replied. "I'm in zhe middle of a physics equation and I don't vant to be bothered!"
"Oooh, but I'm sure you'll not lose this..."
He turned to the twins.
"See, I admit, you touched them. That's okay... Cus I know someone else that can do that."
Huh? said the two.
"I got one lasst card up my sleeve...And he's coming right...Now!"
He bashed the stage with the microphone stand, a square hatch sliding open. A pristine glow came from the opening, growing stronger every second. The eyes of the three were hooked, Stalin expressing a cocky smile while Victor and Audrey were puzzled. The glow got in Hitler's eye and made him nearly scream, however he too was ensnared. The entity arose, revealing a bulbous head covered by a folium helmet, full body suited in a white garment with scale-like waves across it.
"My good people," said Stalin onto the microphone. "I present you..."
His eyes maintained focus on the oblivion, his skin being the source of the glorious light. And his jawline? Pointed, curved, the jawline of a superb specimen. The entire composition of his being may have made angels fall from Heaven due to jealousy. He stopped mid air, after all his body had exited.
"VIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS!"
The stadium cheeted, many in the crowd pulling their Vitas branded merchandise up above so their idol could see it. Vitas descended into the stage, standing by the side of the dictator.
"Vitaliy, my friend!" Stalin said to the singer, reaching over to his shoulders. His fingers were met with static electricity, from which he quickly pulled them and nervously laughed. "It's so nice to know I can count with you for any situation!"
Vitas remained silent. Hitler bursted into laughter.
"Oh, kinders," he said. "Ya don't need to vory about you losing, he's using a fricking POP STAR!"
"Big talk from somebody who doesn't even have famous international singers in his home country!" Stalin pointed out.
"VE DO! THERE IS...RAMMSTEIN."
"Rammstein is a band."
"TILL LIDENMANN."
"Who?"
"FUCK YOU."
"Anyways!"
Stalin handed the microphone to Vitas.
"W-wait," Victor said, "I thought this was a dancing competition, why is he going to sing?"
"Oh, Vitas doesn't sing..." replied Stalin
Vitas closed his eyes.
"...He dances with his mouth!"
"That didn't even make sens-"
"𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶 𝒶"
ZA WARUDO- I I I mean...what...ugh...Vitas' voice reverberated across the stadium...sending...waves across space and time, time, time,
IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME, PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME-
aAAAAA WHAT THE FUCK?
Vitas' power sh- shouldn't be strong enough to reach me! I'm the narrator, goddammit! I'm the one who describes the scene, I'm the one who rules over the universe, I'm the one who tells the
story of UNDERTALE
I fell from the light
Talk? Or should I fAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
WHY, AUTHOR, WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?
Reader, reader, I- I- I'm trying...trying..to dESCRIBE withOUT-t-T-t f a i l...
Vitas...was singing his famous song, you know the one, &th El#m3nT, it, it, IT, went like, It, IT, CLOWNS<
We had the experience but missed the meaning,
And approach to the meaning restores the experience
In a different form, beyond any meaning
DAMMIT JUST READ IT:
𝒜𝒽𝒶, 𝒶𝒽𝒶, 𝒽𝒶𝒽𝒶𝒽𝒶, 𝒽𝒶𝒽𝒶𝒽𝒶-𝒽𝒶
𝐵𝓇𝓁𝓇𝓁, 𝒷𝓇𝓁𝓇𝓁, 𝒽𝒶𝒽𝒶
Th- the sheer potency and holiness of his voice wa too muchh for the space an time, Audrey and Victor, oh, God, those poor kids, they wer expppppperiencing what DMT felt like evne if they hadn't ever used druggs. Stalin quikly relized he'd fuckd uppp, fuck, I caan't anyorem, I'm I'm making so many typos AND NOT FIXING THM WHAT'S WRNG WITH MEEEEeeee
eeeeeee
e e e e e
e...
Wait, look, Hitler! He seems unnaffected, just slightly bothered. His sheer repugnance for anything different than what he understands is shielding him!
"Hitler! Hitler!"
"Eh, vhat?"
"It's me!"
"Gott?"
"No, the Narration! Please let me hang around you for a bit, else Vitas' power will tear me apart alongside reality!"
"Hmm...No."
"WHAT?"
"Don't feel like it. Narration is libertarian krap."
"OH YOU SON OF A" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH MOTHERFUCKING DEMONS FROM PLANET JUPITER ENTERED THROUGH THE MANHATTAN PORTAL JESUS CHRIST Is my N HEEEEEEELP HEEEEElp if you can, I'm feeling down/And I do appreciate you being around/Help me get get my feet back on the Ground is the generally one of the best types in the game, only being thwarted by the Family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent USA! USA! USA! USA! USA! Researcher Talloran and SCP-3999 are confused The FitnessGram™ Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20𝕄𝔼ℕ ℍ𝔸𝔻 𝕋ℝ𝕀𝔼𝔻 𝕋𝕆 𝕋𝔸𝕂𝔼 ℍ𝕀𝕄, 𝟚𝟘 𝕄𝔼ℕ ℍ𝔸𝔻 𝕄𝔸𝔻𝔼 𝔸 𝕊𝕃𝕀ℙ, 𝟚𝟙 𝕎𝕆𝕌𝕃𝔻 𝔹𝔼 𝕋ℍ𝔼 GO! GO! POWER RANGERRRRRRRRS! *sick guitar riff* GO! GO! POWER RANGERRRRRRRS! And now for something completely different: "𝑀𝒶𝓇𝒾𝒶, 𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒷𝑒𝓉𝓇𝒶𝓎 𝓂𝑒 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝐿𝑒𝑜𝓃𝒶𝓇𝒹𝑜!" "𝐻𝑒 𝓉𝑜𝑜𝓀 𝒶𝒹𝓋𝒶𝓃𝓉𝒶𝑔𝑒 𝑜𝒻 𝓂𝑒 𝓌𝒽𝒾𝓁𝑒 𝐼 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝒹𝓇𝓊𝓃𝓀, 𝑀𝒶𝓃𝑜𝓁𝑜!" JUST ONE DRINK, GOTTA KEEP IT MELLOW, A RESPONSIBLE NIGHT FOR A POLITE FELLOW, SAY HELLO TO MY FRIENDS AND Soyuz nerushimyj respublik svobodnykh, Splotila naveki, Velikaya Rus! AUTHOR i like. big. BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE AUTHOR! YOU OTHER BROTHERS CAN'T DENY AUTHOR! I BEG THEE, MAKE IT Hey guys, did you know VaCCINES DON'T CAUSE AUTISM YOU DIPSHIT, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I Wake up Mr. West, Mr. West, Mr. Fresh mr blue sky please tell us why you have to hide away for SO LONG, SO LONG , SO LONG, SO LONG, so long, so long, so long, SO LONG, SO LONG, SO LONG AND THANKS, FOR ALL THE FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISHHIIIIIIIHHavefuncrackingthis
STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP
Huh?! Is it...over?
it...IT IS! THANK YOU GREAT AUTHOR, THANK YOU!
"You now have cancer," said MrNobody42.
What? Anyway, ahem...Vitas closed his mouth, the reality wave shriveling on itself into nothing. As normalcy was restored, some people's bodies fell down as they had been floating during the song. Audrey fell on her back Victor fell face flat on the stage. He lifted up his head, noticing his vision to be dark.
A hole in a wood plank had fit perfectly on his nose. He took it out with the help of his sister.
Stalin shook his head and blinked, senses beginning to normalize.
"Uh..." he uttered. "Uhm. What did you guys think?"
The response from the crowd was a mix of insanity induced screaming, Vitas addicts begging for more and stares into the Void.
"Well, what a reaction!" Stalin turned to the center. "Thank you for your presence, Vitas!"
Vitas did the peace sign and dematerialized.
"Huh. Rude. I had a limo with alien chicks ready for him. Oh well, as you can see, this intense reaction means I won!"
"What? NO!" Victor said, standing up. "You cheated! First thing, he sung, he didn't dance."
"I just said he dances with-"
"Don't come at me with that bullshit again. Jesus, who teached you that language? Second, he used psychic powers to warp space and our minds!"
"I think I saw my own death," Audrey said.
"That's unfair!"
"Stalin rolled his eyes. "Buddy, I don't care for fairness. I'm the ref, I'm the rules maker, I do what I want."
"Then what's even the point?" asked Audrey.
"The point is that I CRUSH YOUR LITTLE HOPES AND DREAMS by giving you the illusion of victory while I give myself a good time!" He turned to the audience with a wide grin. "AIN'T I THE BEST, FOLKS?"
All the soldiers cheered on him, many raising their rifles.
"NOW ALL OF YOU," his eyes bristled fire. "GO OUT AND WRECK THIS CITY UP."
Every soldier screamed of joy, armaments up in the sky, ready for use. The only ones not happy...were Patrik and Bob.
"we fucked up."
"da."
"HOLD!"
The voice came from the far right. Everyone looked. Hitler stood straight, eyes flaring fury at Stalin. He took slow, tough steps to him.
"Do you want to honestly know," he said. "Why I don't mingle with you anymore?"
Stalin crossed his arms, doing a mocking expression. "Oh, please, tell me."
"To begin, you are a communist."
"Classic."
"The rest? You are a selfish, attention-feeding, gloating bastard."
"Oh my God, honey! Look in a mirror, you're exactly the same!"
"I was! I...was. And that's what I hate most about you: you never learn."
Stalin was silent. Hitler looked over to the twins.
"Those twins made me realize once and for all how cruel, irrational and monstrous I was. Since then, I've been trying to do better."
"For fuck's sake, we're dead. Just because we managed to exit the Underworld doesn't mean you and I got a second chance at life. Either you spend the rest of eternity with me, or you spend it alone, without any power"
"No. I'm not choosing either of these. I have the rest of eternity to find my way...so I can finally, maybe, Move On."
That was the last straw.
"SOLDATY, RAZRUSHITE GOROD-"
"No. This battle isn't over...I will dance!"
Everyone gasped. Stalin was shocked.
"You? Hitley, I know you well, you can't dance even if you were being threatened with getting a pineapple shoved up yours."
"Then you don't truly know me."
Hitler turned without a single additional word. He stopped and kneeled in front of the kids.
The two were puzzled. Out of the sudden he's acting so altruistic? Even dropped the accent? What was going on?
He put his hands over their shoulders
"Viktor," he said. "I'm sorry for trying to kill you."
"O...kay? What's your plan?"
"Plan? I have no plan with this. I just wanted to know if you forgive me."
"I can't exactly forgive someone for trying to end my life, but, sure, whatever. As long as you get us out of this."
"Heh. Better than nothing." He looked to the other side, into the eyes of that special, orange-haired girl. "And you, Audreh...Thank you. Thank you for reigniting my passion for art."
Audrey smiled. "You're welcome, Hitler."
He took out his hands and rose up. He turned to the audience. He slowly walked to the center.
He turned his head.
"Can you also forgive me for genociding your kin-"
"No," they both said.
"Fair."
He turned front and quickly stepped down the stage to talk to the bandmaster.
"What? Nay, I don't play garbag-" was heard.
"PLAY IT OR I'LL SHOVE THESE REICHSMARKS DOWN YOUR THROAT. "
Silence followed. Hitler climbed up the stage and took to the center.
All eyes fell on him, Stalin intrigued with what he might have in mind and the two watching with a glimmer of hope.
Audrey held Victor's hand.
He took a breath and closed his eyes. He snapped both his hands.
The bandmaster lifted his baton.
...
Dense beats came from below, with an echoing pulse.
...
His shoulders twitched as the song possessed him.
...
The world's loudest accordion track began to play as Hitler aggressively squatted with his bottoms turned to the audience. The general reaction was of immediate repulse, with a few ones too shocked to look away...or worse, who were enjoying it.
Audrey and Victor simply stared largely more disappointment than horror, a part of their brains already searching for their prayers and confessions before their demise.
The most bothered of them all, of course, was Stalin, in part because thousands of Russians were looking at Hitler's butt, in part because if he knew his idea would've led to this he was going to just shoot them.
"Hitler," he said onto the microphone.
Hitler's squatting catched up speed every few seconds.
"Hitler."
Now he squatted so fast smear frames were necessary to portray it.
"HITLER."
Not even smear frames could portray it, his animation devolved into rapid, flashing frames.
"HITLER KNOCK IT OFF-"
*jump* *spring* *boioioioing*
"NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
A swastika-shaped hole formed where Hitler hit the wall, the chancellor hitting the ground amidst rubble. Audrey and Victor coiled. Stalin dropped the microphone, his hands raising to the back of his head.
"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST..."
His fervorous scream stopped when a large crack appeared above the hole. Then another. Then another. Then another. The stadium rumbled as the cracks spread, dust falling off from the ceiling. The spotlights started to fall, crushing a few poor Russians and sending all into a frenzy. Audrey grabbed Victor by the arm.
"LET'S GO!"
The twins ran for their lives to the hole, avoiding falling concrete structures. This action distracted Stalin from the horrors around him. Fueled by fury he launched at them, fingers curling into claws.
"Oh, no, no, no, you will NOT-" until he tripped on a fallen brick and hit his right knee on the stage. The leader sat on the floor and placed his hands over the area.
...Like Peter Griffin.
"Shhhhh... Ahhhhhh.." he began. "Shhhh... Ahhhhh... Shhhh... Ahhhhh... Shhh... Ahhhh-"
The last part was interrupted by a pile of the crumbling roof falling on him.
Audrey and Victor took the leap, the hole collapsing behind them alongside the entire stadium mere moments later, lifting a titanic cloud of dust. It swallowed them whole, fragments of stone and wood ranging from small to big projecting down the air. They coughed and rubbed their eyes, as the cloud dissipated. It revealed the true scale of the catastrophe. Concrete chunks, wood, crooked metal, the ruins of the stadium filled the horizon only a few meters away from them. Nobody could be seen, not even a single person trying to move away the ruins. It took time for them to get up and stabilize. Victor noticed their ballet clothes; ragged and dirty.
"Mom's gonna kill us.."
As Audrey cleaned her eyes, she noticed the unmoving figure of Hitler laying on his front. Her pupils dilated.
"Hitler!"
She ran to him. Victor hesitated, but followed regardless. She turned over the chancellor, who groaned and coughed, spitting out grass and dirt. His head flattened from the crash. Like a pancake. Victor had to contain his laughter, as small tears formed on Audrey's eyes.
"Are you okay?"
"Yeeeeahh..." Hitler said, his eyes disoriented. "Just...Give me a moment..."
He searched the ground around him and grabbed a slab of concrete. He smacked his face against it, which left it squared.
"Nope."
He smacked it again, finally normalizing it.
"Ah, much better."
He struggled to get up. The twins helped him, each putting his arms over their shoulders.
"Kinders..." he said, amidst coughs and spits. "You need... To run... Run away..."
"No, we're not leaving you behind!" said Audrey.
"Uhm, I think we should do it," Victor said. "After this I doubt he'll leave us alone-
An explosion came from the middle of the ruins. The three looked.
Floating in the air, surrounded by hellish flames, Stalin stood. His eyes turned pure, bright red, with subtle, feline yellow pupils on them. His entire body burned in that eternal flame, his mustache and hair like darting flames spike upwards.The three stared at him.
He stared them down. He began cackling. Vicious, hateful cackling. His teeth shined gold, transforming into spiked lances at every flex of his muscles.
OOOOOOOOH NOW YOU'VE DONE IT.
His voice carried a gurgle undertone, the Devil himself awakening in him.
YOU'VE FUCKING DONE IT. YOU RUINED EVERYTHING. I TRIED TO BE Fun! I TRIED TO BE Nice! AND THIS... THIS IS HOW YOU THANK ME?
Victor reacted. "You don't scare us!"
OH, HERE COMES VICTOR, THE BRAVE ONE! BRAVE ONE, YEAH, SO BRAVE HE'S SHAKING LIKE A LITTLE GIRL. BE REAL, LITTLE SHIT, YOU'RE A FUCKING COWARD.
Never had Victor's eyes burned so red.
SPEAKING OF GIRL... DID YOU KNOW YOU'RE PATHETIC, AUDREY?
Her mouth gaped open.
YEAH. PATHETIC. YOU HAVE NO GUTS. YOU'RE WEAK. FRAGILE. DOOMED TO ALWAYS BE DIMINISHED BY MEN BECAUSE YOU'RE A SOFTIE BI-
"ENOUGH!" Called Hitler. "They're just children!"
AND YOU... OH, YOU... Why do you break my heart so much? We could've been a team! We could've been...partners! I... I love you! YET YOU CHOSE TO LET YOUR STONE HEART GET SOFT. NOW YOU AND THESE LITTLE, FRAGILE CHILREN ARE GOING TO GET ERASED OUT OF EXISTENCE.
BUT DO YOU WANT TO KNOW THE BEST PART ABOUT THIS? I WON'T FEEL EVEN A BIT BAD ABOUT WHAT I'M GOING TO DO WITH YOU. CUS' IT WAS YOU, AND ONLY YOU, WHO GAVE AWAY YOUR LIFES TO DEATH.
I'M ONLY HERE TO REAP THEM.
Stalin unleashed a bellow that sent heat over the air. He casted down his hands, engulfing fire coming out from them. The fire meandered through every opening and entrance deeper in the ruins, searching for the remains of the soldiers. Seconds passed, and The rubble moved, spectral ams raising out, hands fused to their weapons. The phantoms shambled in place, floppy skin and bones of their crushed bodies reflected in their red, plasmoid visages. Their eyes dark and empty, small dots of light indicating a lingering, revenant soul.
"Suka blyat, Bob! We are dead!"
"Does that mean we not need to pay taxes no more, Patrik?"
"DA!"
They high-fived, accidentally sticking their gooey hands together.
"Ew."
The three's flight or fight took front and all tried to run, yet a great wall of fire appeared in their way, towering over them.
Surrounded. Defeated. No hope.
SOLDATY.
The ghosts aimed their weapons. Audrey and Victor hugged, closing their eyes. Hitler stood in front of them
OGO-
"WHAT THE FUCK?"
The voice came from the right side of the street. Everyone looked.
Abigail Autenberry was shocked, dropping her purchases on the asphalt. The Salmon made a small ouch.
"WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL OF THIS?"
The twin's eyes widened. Together, they yelled out mom "Mom!" and ran to her, not a single sign of despair in their faces. She frowned, confused, when the two hugged her so tightly, yet she caved and wrapped her arms around them.
"Kids...Are you alright?"
"Yeah..." Victor sniffed. "Now we are."
She took her arms off, taking a clear view of them. She then realized.
"Wh...why are you on your ballet suits? AND WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM?"
"Stalin and his army appeared out of nowheree to conquer us!" said Audrey.
"He came because he was after Hitler," said Victor.
"And it was really weird because he likes Hitler, but Hitler doesn't like him," said Audrey.
"Then he built a stadium,"
"Then we danced and it was really cool,"
"Then Vitas was there,"
"Then Hitler-
"Okay, okay, one at a time. And don't stall, I've already hit my quota of stories for toda-
OH, COME OOOOOON!
Stalin bickered and kicked the air. Noticing his tamper tantrum was bein seen by all, he stopped and floated down to the ground, the wall of fire and his own flames slowly extinguishing. The ghosts exchanged looks and shrugged. Hitting the ground, lifting a small cloud of dust, he straightened his jacket and walked through the wreckage towards the family.
"You... are some LUCKY brats."
"And who are you supposed to be?" asked Abigail.
"Oh! Pleasure to meet you; Joseph Stalin, Leader of the Soviet Union," he extended his palm. Abigail hesitantly accepted, shaking his hand slowly.
"Abigail," she said. "Abigail Autenberry."
"Well, Ms. Autenberry, you have some lovely children. They look just like you! I would've ever think about killing them if I knew they had such a beatiuful mother!"
"O- Oh, thanks," she said, feeling weirdly flattered. "They're not really mine, they're adopted, but the similarity was one of the reasons me and-" her expression suddenly changed. "WHAT WAS THAT LAST PART?"
"OOOOOOOooooh, about that, yeaaah," Stalin dodged her looks, "I was about to pulverize them out of existence, until you came along. Can't have a mother watch their kids die, eh? *nudge, nudge, wink, winks in russian*"
She snarled. Stalin sweated.
"Hah... Hah... It's a joke! It's Russian humor, ain't it the bes-
She delivered an uppercut on his jaw.
*tom_and_jerry_scream.mp3*
As Stalin reached above the heaviside, a single star, a hammer and a sickle twinkled in the sky.
The ghosts watched as their leader was sent into beyond the ionosphere, the lady in blue checking if she broke any nails. Noticing no damages, she changed her attention to her house. Someone had parked their exotic, weird European car on her lawn! To not mention the yards of debris filling the street..
"Who's responsible for this mess?!" she yelled out.
The ghosts shifted the blame to one another while making up excuses on the spot. She was having none of that.
"Okay, it doesn't matter," she said. "If none of you wants to end up like that man, clean up all of this right now."
The ghosts saluted. "Yes. ma'am!"
The spectral army, as fast as they had built it, disposed of the fallen stadium at neckbreaking pace, shoving them in the local trash containers and cans. A group took care of sweeping the dust off the pavement and road. Undead soldiers went inside the tanks and retreated. Ten soldiers piled up and the one at the top jumped inside the red Tsar tank, riding it away. The remaining infantry followed after the tanks. One last Russian planted chamomile seeds on the tiremarks of the Tsar tank, watering it with ghost water, making them instantly grow. He saluted and kicked off. She watched the leaving, yet something still wasn't right. She turned to her kids. Behind them, a grey stranger... No, not a stranger! She knew that face very well.
"YOU."
She stormed at him. Hitler awkwardly waved.
"Ah, hi, Ms. Aunteber-"
"OF COURSE THIS HAD SOMETHING TO DO WITH YOU." she pressed her finger on his pointy nose. "THE ONLY REASON WHY I DIDN'T CALL THE COPS ON YOU WAS BECAUSE THEY FOUND OUT THERE WASN'T ANY ACTUAL POISON IN THAT SPATZEL."
"Krap, must've picked zhe vrong can..."
"I don't care. If I ever come to see your face again, I will-"
"Wait, mom!"
Audrey ran and placed herself between them.
"He saved us!"
"...What?"
"He destroyed the stadium," Audrey said. "He set us free from Stalin!"
"What? Is...Is that true?" Abigail said, looking at Victor.
Could he agree? In part, he didn't like Hitler nor wanted him to stay around, specially after what happened...but on the other side, what Audrey said was true. He did free them from that rigged dance battle. Only for a moment, yes, before it all went to flames, but for once that whiny, jew-hating old man did something for anybody other than himself. An act of kindness.
Victor nodded.
She sighed.
"You're lucky I trust them...somewhat."
"Nein, nein," said Hitler. "You're right. I need to leave."
Hitler turned around and walked away, each step harder to take than the last.
"No, wait, Hitler!" yelled Audrey, who took a step towards him, before being pulled by her mother. "Wh- Where are you going?!"
"I need to leave, Audreh," he said, not looking behind. "My stay vill only bring trouble to your lives."
He walked towards his "house" on the other side of the street. Closing the door, it didn't take long for him to reappear, with his arms full of baggages and canvases. He made a loud whistle. From the right side of the street, a luxurious black Mercedes-Benz 770K Grosser appeared at full speed. It braked in front of the chancellor, wagging its back excitedly.
"Zhis is my car," Hitler announced to the three. "Blondi II."
The car barked, making sounds of panting. Hitler stuffed his items in the back and . Audrey kept trying to run at the chancellor. Abigail made a poker face and let her go. She darted to the driver's window, where Hitler lay.
"Hitler," she said. "You don't need to go. It's not your fault we were attacked. You don't need to continue being alone."
"Destructive souls like mine are destined to be forever alone, Audreh," he said. "I've commited too many sins in my living life. I don't deserve the help of a good soul like yours. I must find mmy way..." he put on sunglasses. "By myself."
He started the engine.
"Auf wiedersen, Audrey."
He raise the glass up. The car took motion down the street, black smoke coming out of its behinds.
Audrey looked down, worried and disgruntled. Victor walked to her. He touched her shoulder.
"Hey," he said.
"Hey..."
"He'll be fine. It was best for you that he left, anyway."
"Why...?"
"You should try to focus more on yourself, rather than always acting as someboy's safeport."
She chuckled. "You come and tell methat?"
"Yup."
"Touché."
"Well! Now this is all over, what about a bath," said Abigail, coming closer to them. "And a slice of Salmon Pieeee?"
They blinked twice.
"Did she say..."
"SALMON PIE!" Audrey screamed, pushing her brother and racing to their home's entrance.
"HEY!"
"I'm gonna get the the biggest slice!" sing-songed Audrey.
"AAAAAAAARGH..."
Victor raced after her. Abigail flashed a relaxed smile, taking her time to return and recollect her purchases. She paused for a moment to appreciate the setting sun.
Blocks away from them, the wind blew across Hitler's air, the breeze cooling his mind, permitting the thoughts to flourish. He rode aimlessly, taking turns every time his heart called for it. Where would he go? Would he try to escape one more time? Would he return to the Underworld? He asked himself these same questions, for which none he had found the answers yet. What he knew for sure was that whatever was coming ahead for him in the future, be it punishment or redemption...he would welcome warmly.
Shit, it's a truck!
"HITLER, STOP...OH FUCK HE'S GOT HIS AIRPODS ON, HI-