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It'd been weeks since they last saw each other. After their final encounter, Jungkook knew it had to stop. Nothing would come out of it
"like it ever does"
After love failed him so many times. How would this be any different?
"They all want the same thing. They are all liars"
Sex wasn't any different. It was nothing but a physical want. A pastime that had no meaning and no affection. Sure it brought distraction upon the tedious routine he called life. Even though his life was anything but tedious. A path carved by his wealthy parents and ambitions. He could have anyone he wanted. The stolen glances, flirtatious smiles, and secret whispers. It was no surprise to him how much everyone wanted him.
"So why is he any special?"
He was right in that, why was Taehyung any different than a regular hookup? Something you could just forget about the next day. A simple mistake that left no trace of ever happening. Jungkook got what he wanted in the end, no questions asked, just a simple "okay". Yet taehyung couldn't be classified as a regular hookup. Not after having him the second time in countless different ways. Not after promising the world to him if he just begged for more. Not after so many secret dates believing them to be 'coincidental meetings'. Not after everything Jungkook gave to him, without Taehyung ever asking for it. Always saying it would be the last time, but somehow Jungkook begged Taehyung to come back again.
"We are nothing! You aren't any different from the rest of them. I can find so many replacements! You are just a chew toy I got so used to! Something I found reliable and different for a change!"
Those words broke him, Taehyung knew they weren't true. But Jungkook's actions proofed otherwise. Denied phone calls, a stop to their 'coincidental' dates, indifferent looks, Taehyung was nothing but a forgotten memory now. He saw it coming, but refused to believe it. Taehyung believed he could be the change to Jungkook's life. The reason he could start loving again. Yet every time he tried to get closer, Jungkook just pushed him away.
"Why did you beg for me to come over so many times then? If I'm no different than any other hookup, why did you always come back to me?"
Jungkook just looked at him, speechless.
'why did I beg?'
His thoughts confused him even more. There had to be something wrong. What was it that made him beg? Why would Jeon ever beg for anything if it was always someone begging for him. Without answering Jungkook left, leaving Taehyung wondering if Jungkook was just a figment of his imagination. Did they ever have a relationship or anything at all? That is all Tae wondered for weeks.
"He'll return that I believe. Who's gonna love him like me? Who's gonna touch him like me? Who's gonna fuck him like me?"
His thoughts were answered just a few days after deciding to move on, or what he believed as 'moving on'. He could barely feel the vibration of his phone buried in the heap of pillows he believed brought him comfort. Without looking at the Caller ID, Taehyung already knew who it was.
'Who else would call so late?'
"Please...come over..."
"What?"
"Come...over...please... Tae I"
"Why do you do this?... You want me to fix you but it's never enough. Why do you always call me if you're scared to be loved? I'm not some toy you can just discard Jungkook! Unlike you I actually have a heart. I'm actually alive. I can actually love."
And with that Tae ended the call. His body was burning, but not with rage like he wanted it to be. It was pain. Pain that made him feel sick. Pain that he could not bare. Pain that he did not want to feel. Pain that devoured all his rightful actions and intuitions. After days of organizing his thoughts, Taehyung would finally take action. A swift knock was heard at Jungkooks door. If it weren't for the dead silence that he had been living in for the past weeks, he would have never heard the knock at all. As a usual habit he opened the door without checking to see who it was.
'At this hour who else could it be?'
But this time was different. This time wasn't the usual 'hurry I need you now' knock. This time Jungkook knew would be the knock that would determine if he would ever hear a knock at all.
"Can I come in?"
Was all Jungkook could hear. He nodded, but didn't break the silence that came afterwards. What felt like ages passed, even though it had only been a few minutes.
"Are you going to say anything?... If not then I'll just."
Taehyung tried making his way back to the door, but Jungkook's hand on his shoulder made him do otherwise. It was not a sensual touch, but rather an action of 'please don't leave.' Taehyung moved Jungkook's hand and looked at him, indifferent, even though he was aching to have any physical contact with the man.
"Tae... I...I'm sorry"
Their eyes met for the first time in weeks. Taehyung saw the raw and sincere emotion. There was no malice or other intention behind it.
"I know how angry you are with me. I can't keep being a coward. What you said was true. I have no heart, no emotions, no love."
Jungkook moved closer to Taehyung , he made motion of discomfort, but he didn't react either.
"Everyone I loved broke my heart in every possible way. As much as I fixed it, somehow they always found a way to destroy it worse than how they found it."
Taehyung conveyed no change in emotion still.
" I believed that if I treated people the same way I was treated, it would bring back some sort of justice to my life. I was wrong..."
All Taehyung managed to do was raise his eyebrows, as a sign of surprise. Even though he already knew it. He could read Jungkook like a book, but he never let him know. He was afraid Jungkook would end whatever they had.
"You... You taught me otherwise. After all I did to you, all those empty promises. You still came back, but not because of what I gave you, but because you had sincere feelings."
Now this, this surprised Taehyung,
'did he really pay attention to me at all besides the sex?'
"Yes, I knew what you felt for me as time passed. I was just in denial of your feelings because of so many past experiences. I did not want to be hurt again. Yet I still wanted to be close to you."
"I started to miss you so much. Wanting to be close to you any chance I got. I wanted you to spend the night so many times. I started to love you. I was scared."
Jungkook looked away choking back a sob. 'Love' did not come easy to Jungkook. It was hard for him to ever recognize the feeling of it before meeting Taehyung. Love was first introduced to Jungkook in High school. When he first laid eyes on Lee Jin. He swore he saw an angel when he saw her. After confessing, it was a surprise to him that she actually reciprocated the feelings . His heart ached for her, but it ached worse when it was completely destroyed by her. He found out Lee Jin was cheating on him with his best friend Nam. He closed himself off and his remaining heart for the rest of the year. Yet he was always in the same predicament year after year. If it wasn't his friends being the cause it was his brain or wealth. He wasn't the wealthiest around, but he had a secure future. Secure enough to bring gold diggers to his life. College wasn't any different. Although hookups were now a regular for him. Jungkook did fall for some of them, believing they were somehow different than the ones before. His heart was always vulnerable never fully healed from previous heartbreaks. It wasn't until after college that he found ways to close his heart entirely from ever being hurt again. Building walls of steel and locking it away deep down where no one could reach it. Lust and adventures never really died down so he always had his horny needs quenched. Ultimately that's how he found Taehyung. A broken hearted boy much like him, using Jungkook as a rebound. Jungkook was used to being used by now, so he didn't mind Taehyung's purpose. Taehyung never held a grudge for that long, always forgiving and forgetting, not with Jungkook though. At first Jungkook saw it as an advantage. Someone whom was under similar circumstances yet stronger mentally and emotionally than himself, or so what he believed. Casual sex and constant relief made him want to keep Taehyung around longer than any other person. Although soon he would start regretting it.
"I'm such a coward and a fool to use you like that. Every time I called and begged for you to come, I sincerely apologize for using you. You made me realize how horrible I've become. I don't know how you've come back after all the crap I gave you. Tae… please let me love you..”
It was Tae's turn, but now that Jungkook realized everything he'd done, all he wanted to do was kiss him and love him even more. Taehyung realized what he'd gotten himself into when they continued meeting each other. Taehyung never wanted to hurt Jungkook at all, he would always be there for him, no matter what.
"You know I'll always be there for you. We've been through similar circumstances, but the only difference is that we are different people. We are so similar yet so different. Either way I grew to love you and your monstrous self.”
Jungkook winced at the word
‘Monster… Yes it's what I've become.'
Taehyung continued
“You already know, that I have no shame and I've lived with the pain. You've brought me strength as well. All I needed was acceptance, and now I've seen it. I accept your apology, but let me love you too. How you should have been loved since the beginning."
And whatever it was that they became after that, was for them to know. All they needed to know was that they had each other. Each other to break and put back together. Either with empty promises or sincere 'I love you's' they knew that whatever they had was only exclusive to them and them only.