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It was bad.
It was very very bad.
Your legs gave out from beneath you and you hit the ground hard, a gasp escaping your lips.
Looking down, you moved your hands away from the wound in your abdomen, seeing the blood that spilled out and you knew that you weren't walking away from this one.
Collapsing onto your back you coughed and reached for your ear piece, clicking the button so you could talk to the only person that mattered at that moment.
"Clint," you started, waiting for a reply which came seconds later, and you could hear the smile in his voice.
"Y/N. Everything okay?"
You almost laughed. Nothing was okay. But you couldn't tell him that. He had a mission to complete. You'd done your part and you knew if he knew you were hurt, he'd come for you.
So swallowing your pain, you tried to make your voice sound normal.
"Yeah, everything's fine baby. How about with you? You get the guy yet?"
You tried to move a little, but that caused a pain so intense that you must have blacked out for a moment as you didn't hear his reply.
"...Y/N?"
Gasping a little at the pain, you answered, hoping he hadn't heard.
"Yeah, sorry. Bad signal... Repeat that?"
There was a long silence, and you just knew he had heard.
"Y/N what's wrong? Are you hurt?" There was no smile in his voice now and you could just picture him standing now, staring into space as he waited for your reply.
Applying more pressure to your wound, you tried not to black out again as you answered, your voice steadier than you felt.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just..." You couldn't help the gasp that escaped you as you accidentally moved again.
"Y/N!"
Sighing, you let your head fall back to the ground and took a few deep breaths before you could compose yourself enough to speak again.
"Clint... Stay focused on the mission... It's more..."
"Y/N, where are you?!" He demanded and you allowed your eyes to flutter closed as a tear fell from them at the fear in his voice.
"Y/N! How bad is it? What is your position?!" He yelled, but you ignored it and said what you needed to say as you could feel yourself beginning to drift.
"Clint, look, I need to say something... Before..."
His shout cut you off.
"NO! Don't say that! I'm coming to get you! You're going to be fine!" He growled, but you knew he wasn't going to make it on time, and you didn't want him to compromise the mission.
"Clint... Baby, you... You aren't gonna make... make it. J..Just listen..." Your voice was compromised by the sobs you were trying to hold back.
When he didn't say anything more, you tried for a small smile as you uttered your final words.
"I love you... And I'm s...so so proud to have known and... worked along side you..."
With that you let go of whatever had been keeping you awake and allowed yourself to fade into unconsciousness' warm embrace.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx
Hawkeye was running.
As soon as he heard that gasp of pain he had been headed for you in the foreign base, shooting any stray enemy soldiers as he sprinted for where you'd been told to secure.
As he ran, he heard the Cap's voice come over his earpiece.
He'd already tried to contact you after your final goodbye, but you had stopped responding and the tight grip of fear was around his heart as he ran to you. Was he too late?
"Barton, we all heard all that. The target is secure, we're all on our way to your location now. Just get to her..."
Hawkeye didn't even reply. He was nearly there. You were in the next door.
He ran through but came to a sudden stop, his legs almost giving out right there.
You were laying on the floor, a pool of blood surrounding your unmoving form.
His bow fell from his hand at the sight, and he tried to move closer to you, but he made it two steps before he turned on his heel, his hands coming to his head as his entire world crashed in around him.
A strange whining noise was coming from him as he looked back over at you and the way you didn't move. He expected you to sit up and grin at him, to say it was all a joke. You were fine and just getting back for all the close calls you'd had to wait through, wondering if he'd make it.
But you didn't move. You just lay there.
"She... She's just..." He broke off as a rough sob made his breath desert him.
He rushed to your side, unable to just stand there for any longer, his hands shaking as they reached out to you.
He didn't want to believe it. He couldn't.
You couldn't be gone. You were the one who was supposed to chew your thumbnail down as you watched him sleep in medical, ready to yell at him when he woke up, but then you'd kiss him and order a pizza or something, and you'd be okay again as you were both alright.
He saw the wound on your stomach and flinched, instead turning his gaze to your face.
You looked so peaceful, and he could almost believe you were sleeping...
He heard as the other avengers arrived, all hanging back as they saw him kneeling in a pool of your blood, brushing your hair back off your pale forehead.
No one wanted to come closer, but as his closest friend, Nat started slowly towards her friend, her vision blurring as she fought back tears.
Clint didn't care who came then. He couldn't fathom being in any more pain than he was at that moment.
Your head rested in his lap as he stroked your face with shaking hands, his thumb brushing over your lips gently, thinking about how you'd never kiss him again.
Nat reached out to him, and his hand froze as a frown crossed his face.
"Clint..."
He ignored his longest friend and stared at your face.
"She's not gone..." He breathed, but Nat just squeezed his shoulder a little to comfort him.
"Clint... Come on, we should..."
But Hawkeye was having none of it.
"NO! SHE'S STILL BREATHING! GET THE FUCKING JET!" He yelled, quickly scooping you into his arms and standing up.
Nat was already moving, running back to the others, a few of whom had already set off for the jet.
"Come on, Y/N, you hold on. You hold on now! You hear me?!"
You didn't reply, but you still breathed quietly, so he didn't slow as he ran along side the Cap, who was holding his bow as they raced to meet the only hope for your survival.
Once onboard, Clint placed you down on the bench and moved aside to let Bruce get a look at your wound.
"She's lost a lot of blood! I can sew her up but she's not going to survive for long unless we can get her some blood..."
Tony was already walking towards the back of the jet, ready to fly to the nearest hospital and steal what you needed, but then Hawkeye looked up from where he was clutching your hand, his suit covered in your blood.
"Take mine!"
Brace paused for a second from his stitched and looked up at Hawkeye, his eyes troubled.
"Do you know her blood type..."
Hawkeye was already tearing the various straps off his arms and holding his arm out.
"Universal donor. Take it!" He yelled, and to Bruce's credit, he didn't hesitate as he nodded to Nat, and she grabbed various tools and supplies.
Hawkeye didn't even feel the pain as she injected his arm, he was too busy holding your hand tight and whispering to you, telling you to hold on...
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
You were being watched.
You could feel someone's gaze on you, and if you weren't in so much pain, you would have attempted to reach for a weapon before opening your eyes, but you could hardly move.
Opening your eyes, you had to blink a few times to get used to the bright light, and then see the figure sitting in the chair next to you, his feet perched on the edge of your hospital bed and his eyes bloodshot as he stared at you over the top of his knees.
"Clint..." You tried, but your throat was so dry and you ended up coughing, your sore abdomen complaining at the movement.
Immediatelly Clint was there, offering you some water with a straw.
You gladly took a gulp and then moved back.
He put the cup aside and then returned to just staring at you, looking lost for words. A first in the entire time you'd known him.
"It's rude to stare," you smirked, but instead of a matching grin from your beloved, you saw his adam's apple bob as he swallowed and then spoke with a thick voice.
"I thought I lost you..."
You had never heard his voice sound so broken before, and that sound alone was almost enough to stop your heart then and there.
Now it was your turn to be lost for words.
You hadn't meant to hurt him, but you could see he was. He looked exhausted, and you knew that he wouldn't have slept. You could guarantee he was only clean and in fresh clothes because someone, probably Nat, would have made him.
You were just about to apologise when Clint exhaled heavily and sat on the bed beside you, leaning over you and saying nothing as he took your face between his hands and kissed you.
Unexpected but never unwelcome, you kissed him back, reaching up to touch his back, or at least trying to as the small movement caused you enough pain that you whimpered.
You almost died of embarrassment, but Clint just pulled back and looked at you with concern, his hands and eyes checking over your body like a nervous mother.
"Did I..."
You shook your head and groaned, clutching the bandaged wound and attempting to control yourself.
Clint got up and ran to the door, yelling something outside, and quickly a nurse rushed in behind him.
A few moments later and you had some killer pain killers dulling the pain and you and Clint were alone once more.
He hovered around you for a few more minutes, looking anxious until you eventually told him to sit down and stop worrying.
He pretended to be reluctant, but you made room for him on the bed beside you, and he got under the covers, his arms circling you and pulling you into his chest while he flicked on the TV with a remote, switching on an old action movie before calling someone to bring a pizza.
20 minutes later and the rest of the avengers crammed into the medical bay, a pizza as requested, and smiles on their faces as they were happy you were awake.
Or at least you were...
When they arrived, both you and Barton were passed out in each others arms, the old movie forgotten in your exhaustion.