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She knew that something was going on. Ever since they had returned from Central City he had kept his distance.
She could see it in the way he smiled at her, the way his lips quivered as he forced them that bit wider. The way his eyes couldn't meet hers when she asked him what was going on. The way he avoid her touch when she tried to sooth him.
Something was not right at all.
At first she thought she could cope with the secrets, with his disappearances. He would be off for a day while she was working or on a business trip. He would take her company jet on more and more visits to Central City.
She just dismissed it at first. Saying Barry needed his help, but she knew that wasn't true. But she thought that he would eventually tell her what was going on and she thought that maybe, just maybe she needed to be patient.
But the days had turned into weeks and there was only so long that this could continue.
So she asked him again.
What was going on?
She recited exactly the same lines as before.
They were meant to be team mates, weren't they? And she felt like she was on what used to be the Avengers but she had some how be castaway by herself. A lone solider in this civil war.
He didn't really have much to say in reply to that. Mumbling that he loved her and that nothing was happening. She wanted to believe him in the deepest parts of her gut she wished it was true. But the way he couldn't meet her eye, the way his fingers danced across her wrist and the way his lips turned to hers to convince her that everything was alright was proof that they were far from okay.
But for that one moment it had worked. He always managed to stir something inside of her that made her lose control and with all this drama and not being able to spend time with him properly she hoped that in that moment this would fix all their problems.
But it didn't.
Because a wrong and a right didn't make a right it made the unclarity even more certain.
So once the elation had passed and she had begun to doze off, she felt him move behind her like he couldn't bear to hold her any longer. She felt the mattress shifting before he pressed a soft kiss to her hair.
And he left her. Alone in their bed for what felt like the hundredth time in the last few weeks.
There was something going on and if there was one thing she didn't like it was mysteries.
So she did the only thing that she could think of doing.
A sick call to work, and one to John as soon she realised that Oliver was heading back to Central City again. Her phone alerting her yet again that he was heading in the direction of that suburban street that he had visited every week since they had been to Central City.
She knew what this all added up to.
Oliver visiting a house, in a nice neighbourhood.
Oliver not telling her what he was doing.
The phone calls.
How he was protective of his phone.
How he often seemed lighter after his visits away and then there was the darkness. Like she was the cause of them and that confused her.
She was meant to be his light.
He always said that she was the brightness that harnessed this goodness inside of him and now she seemed to be doing the exact opposite.
So that's why she managed to arrive there.
On that suburban street peering across the road and the freshly cut lawn.
She didn't even need her glasses to know it was him.
She would recognise him anywhere.
But she wasn't really prepared to see him enter the house without even knocking.
Or to see Oliver's whole stance to relax.
Or to see a young, pretty woman lean in to kiss him on the cheek.
And then for them bot to disappear.
Because that was all the confirmation she needed.
She didn't know how long she sat there. Her finger drumming impatiently on the wheel. The tears streaming down her face until she let out a sharp out cry of frustration and flung her head forward in distraught.
She didn't know what to do.
Why was he doing this to her?
He was meant to be someone different now.
He said she was his world.
She knew she shouldn't have trusted him. Because history always repeated itself. Her father first, and next Cooper. And then every other man she had allowed into her life.
So why had she thought that he would be any different?
She barely registered what she was doing until she found herself back in the loft. Her feet guiding her to the couch where she slumped down.
Her eyes were drawn to his slippers, his jumper, his jacket, his everything.
And then time ran away with itself.
It was dark, then light, then dark again and she had barely moved from that spot the sun cascading around the room without her even noticing.
She just wanted to stay there until everything went back to normal.
But she knew that it wouldn't.
And that it never would.
It was the slamming of the door and the quiet thuds of his feet that alerted her to his presence.
She could hear him acknowledging her but she couldn't move, couldn't say anything. Because this was it. What she never thought would ever happen between them was about to happen and she didn't want it to happen.
"Felicity?" He asked concerned as she pulled sharply away from his kiss he.
"Don't even think about it." Her tone sharp, without even the hint of amusement.
"Felicity?"
He slumped down across from her, his eyes finally meeting hers.
"I know."
And she knew she was right as soon as she uttered those two words.
Her eyes meeting his. The creases on his forehead, the devastation in his eyes.
"I was going to tell you-"
"And what good would that do? Spare me humiliation? Prevent me from getting hurt? You are just like Cooper. Just like my father. I let you in and then you turn around and stab me in the back. Hurting me and leaving me for your own selfish whims. I knew I should never have listened to you. And do you want to know why I did? Because I love you. I was hopefully. I trusted you and I thought that maybe my mother was right, maybe I could have the life that I always wanted. But only now I can see how utterly wrong I was."
"Felicity- I never did this to hurt you, I just needed some time to adjust to everything and the days turned into weeks and I just didn't know how to tell you... I was digging myself into a bigger hole"
"And you think that excuses you for sleeping in our bed when you were fucking her behind my back?!"
"Wait- wait what?"
"I saw you at her house Oliver. There's no way you can turn this around."
"I was at William-"
"What? her husbands house and you expect that to be any better? How you slept with her in her own martial home?"
"Felicity, you've got this all wrong... William's my son."
And then she was suffocating, this was all so much worse than she first thought. How did this happen to her? Why did it happen to her?
"Oh my god how long has this been going on for?! When were you going to tell me that you got someone else pregnant?"
And she rocked up, rushing over to the sink dry heaving in it.
Her whole world had completely pivoted and she couldn't believe that she'd allowed someone to do this to her yet again.
"Hey hey hey Felicity calm down this is all wrong-"
"Calm down?! How can I calm down when you have a child? That you've cheated on me-"
"I'm not cheating on you Felicity, there is nobody on this earth I would even consider being with apart from you. This is all just a bug misunderstanding-"
"Oliver I don't understand..."
"So let me explain..."
She nodded, turning around still breathing still rapid but the sickness subsiding a little. He guided her to the stool and sat down next to her before beginning.
"I promise I'm not cheating on you and I never have. When we were in Central City last I - I discovered that I have a nine year old son William. At first I was confused. She told me ten years ago that she had miscarried that there was no baby and I never really thought about it again. But then I saw him and everything seemed to click. He was the right age, he looked like me. And I knew he was mine. But I was confused. So I spoke to Samantha, and she knew what I was like back then. What kind of scum I was and how I don't deserve for William to know he's my son because of the press and he wouldn't be able to cope with that. Because he's a good kid Felicity and she made me promise not to tell anyone - even you. And at first I thought I could do this not tell you and spend time with him. But I'm failing on both sides, not telling you has been destroying me slowly from the inside. I need you to be there for me. To help me through this because I don't know what I'm doing and I'm making a mess of everything as per usual. And I'm so sorry for not telling you. But I was going to I.. I promise."
There was silence then.
Because what could she really say to that? Her boyfriend had a child that he didn't know about that was something she could deal with.
But the secrecy.
That was something else.
"Say something Felicity."
"I don't know what to say."
She paused releasing her fingers as they clenched into his hands. Her brain hurtling through thought after thought.
"I'm glad your not cheating." She murmured before looking up at him. "But Oliver- I I can't brush this aside. You have a child. I can cope with that. But keeping this from me. That hurts. And as grateful I am that everything that has been going on isn't what I think it is still upsetting to know that someone you are meant to trust completely with absolutely everything you can't. "
"And I understand that. Felicity I know that I haven't made this easy for you, and I understand that I've probably ruined everything between the pair of us but I just need to say that I love you and I always will..."
"I- Oliver- I just need some time, Oliver. Those three words can't heal this."
"I know, but I just needed you to know that I do truly love you."
She rose from the seat, her bare feet padding across the wooden flooring.
She needed space right now. That's the least he could do.
She collapsed on their bed, burying her head in the sheets.
Because tonight she wasn't okay.
And she knew that tomorrow she wouldn't be okay either.
But maybe the day after she would feel different.
Or maybe even the day after that.
She wanted this to work and she knew that because they both wanted this then maybe, they could get through this struggle.
And maybe this would make them even stronger.
Because in this life all she had was hope.